#lilysfics

[chiefnooniensingh]

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

Summary: The Gorn invade Enterprise, and La'an rushes to meet it. Kirk has one thing to do before she does.

A/N: I've been obsessed with this pairing ever since 2x03 so now I'm writing fic because of course I am. I always love the "one of us is about to head into danger so let's kiss"-first kiss trope, so here we are. Also, who can spot the quoted from another fandom? ;) Enjoy!

Rating: T

AO3

“Red alert. All hands, battle stations.”

The alarm blared just as La’an entered the Transporter Room to receive Enterprise’s guests. Immediately, her communicator chirped with a connection from Captain Pike. “Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, are our guests on board?”

La’an locked eyes with Chief Kyle, who immediately threw the switch to energize. “They’re coming aboard now, Captain.” Two figures materialized in in the transporter, and just as the materialization process was complete, the entire ship lurched sideways as it was hit, hard and violent. La’an grabbed hold of the nearest handle to keep steady, but their guests had no such luck and immediately fell over. “Jam- Lieutenants Kirk and Kirk, welcome back!” she shouted over the alarm, as figures in yellow and blue tried to disentangle themselves from each other.

“Reporting for duty, sir!” Sam shouted back, righting himself and pulling his younger brother to his feet. They already looked distinctly dishevelled, with Sam rubbing the shoulder that had caught his fall. James looked little worse for wear, running his hands through his hair.

La’an nodded at Sam, and try as she might, she couldn’t stop her eyes from being pulled to the younger Kirk, who was, inexplicably, smiling. “Is there something funny, Lieutenant?” La’an said, unable to help herself. This was going to be a problem; they were in the middle of a crisis (apparently) and her feelings were overwhelming her.

James shook his head, still smiling. “Just…never a dull moment with you, Lt. Noonien-Singh!” La’an rolled her eyes, feeling her face heat up, noting from the corner of her eye the bewildered look Sam was throwing them. The ship lurched again, and they all grabbed the Transporter Console to stay upright. “What’s going on?!”

La’an shook her head. “I don’t know, it came out of nowhere! Lt. Kirk, to your battle station!” she yelled at Sam, who immediately nodded and left. “We can’t send you back to the Farragut as long as our shields are raised, Lieutenant!”

James nodded, taking a step towards her, but before he could say anything, another boom echoed through the ship and the entire room seemed to lurch. He stumbled forward, nearly overbalancing, and then grabbing hold of her to steady himself. “What can I do to help?” He looked at her with an open expression, and La’an had trouble focussing for a second, because his hands were still on her shoulders.

La’an shook her head a little to clear it, feeling her survivor exterior snap into place. Emotions were of no use to her right now. “I don’t know what’s going on yet. Just…follow me!” Then she tore out of the room, not giving him time to respond. The ship was already quite a mess, with several crewmembers down – dead or unconscious, she did not know, but she saw Nurse Chapel already working swiftly to help. Kirk slowed down to help, but La’an said tersely, “We can’t help them, Lieutenant, medical personnel is already doing triage! We need to get to the Bridge!” She saw a pained expression flit over his face, and she remembered the conversation they had the last time he’d been on the Enterprise. The type who can’t walk past a stranger in need. “James, I promise they’ll get the help they need!” Hearing his name seemed to snap him out of it, and he nodded, continuing to match her pace. “Bridge!” she yelled at the computer as soon as they’d lurched into the Turbolift. James was breathing heavily, looking focussed as the Turbolift raced towards the Bridge.

The doors opened to chaos. Several conduits seemed to have sprung and had flooded half the Bridge with gasses, Una was in the pilot’s seat as Erica had moved to operate firing control, and Captain Pike was helping Uhura to her feet, who was bleeding profusely from a head wound. But what caught her attention more than anything else in the room, was the view screen. Hurtling through space, firing an endless stream of plasma torpedoes at them, was a Gorn hunter ship. For a moment, everything around her went very, very quiet, her breathing stopped, and her brother appeared beside her. He looked at her with a smile on his face, but blood was pouring down the side of his face. “La’an?” he said, his smile widening. “La’an!” Then she noticed the voice was not coming from him at all, but from James, who had grabbed hold of her shoulders and was shaking her. Her eyes focussed on him; his brows furrowed as he held her tight. “Are you alright?” All noise slammed back at once, and she sucked in a deep breath. James was looking at her with a look of distinct worry on his face, but she gave him a curt nod and then took a step away from him.

“Gorn ship is firing another volley! La’an, take firing control!” Erica shouted, who was a decent shot but a better pilot. La’an took her spot at phaser control and immediately started mapping out complex firing patterns.

“Lt. Kirk, welcome aboard!” Pike said, having helped Uhura to stop the bleeding. “Sorry we couldn’t give you a warmer welcome, we weren’t expecting our other guests here to show up! Would you mind helping out around here while we deal with these bastards that are shooting at my ship?”

James, who smiled despite himself, nodded, and immediately went to work on one of the damaged conduits. The battle was brutal, and they were, once again, outclassed. “Captain, we need to find cover!” La’an said, her jaw tense as she shot another volley of plasma torpedoes out of space. Immediately after, she threw a couple of photon torpedoes at the hunter ship, which it dodged deftly.

“Working on that, Lt. Noonien-Singh,” Spock said, infuriatingly calm as always. “Sir, I have a Class J planet on our sensors that seems to emit some kind of dampening field. If we hide in the upper atmosphere…”

“The Gorn shouldn’t be able to detect us,” Pike finished, nodding. “Erica, set a course.”

“Aye, sir.”

As they were coming about, La’an spotted a plasma torpedo heading straight for them, and try as she might, she couldn’t shoot it out of space. “Shit…brace for impact!” she yelled, and then held on tight to her station.

For a second it felt like the whole ship exploded around them. Even more alarms started blaring, sparks flew, and so did people. La’an barely managed to hang on to her console, as the ship shook and lurched with the force of the impact. When the worst of it died down, the ship was still there, sort of. “Damage report!” Pike shouted.

“Shields at 43%, Captain!” Spock said loudly, retaking his place and wiping blood out of his eye. “Phasers are not operational.”

La’an cursed, tapping wildly at her screen to find a way to reset them. “I need those phasers online if we want to get out of this alive, Captain!”

“I can fix it,” Kirk said, suddenly by her side and looking intently at her. He was barely visible through the gases still billowing through the bridge, but he looked alert and seemed generally unhurt, so she knew he wasn’t just saying that. “La’an, I can fix that, but we need to go now.”

La’an didn’t hesitate. Standing up so quickly that Kirk took a startled step back, she paced over to Captain Pike’s side, who was now hauling a dazed ensign off the floor. “Sir, permission to bring Lt. Kirk with me to the phaser banks. We can fix them.” Behind her, Erica had taken La’an’s spot again and Una, who looked distinctly ruffled, had retaken her position at the helm.

“Granted. Do it quickly!” Pike said, barely glancing at her and Kirk as he checked the ensign for signs of concussion.

“Aye, sir,” La’an and Kirk both shouted, as they ran towards the Turbolift. La’an ordered it down to the phaser banks.

Kirk shot her a worried look. “You alright?”

La’an frowned, annoyed. She had no time to focus on feelings when the situation was this extreme, because if she did, she would completely useless. “Of course. I’m fine.”

Sighing, Kirk turned and looked at her until she got the message and turned to look at him as well. “You didn’t seem fine back there. You seemed panicked.” He was standing in his best First Officer stance, his hands on his hips and a stern expression on his face.

Goddamn it, why was this man so good at reading her? The strange connection that had been buzzing between them ever since she’d first called him flared up again, like it had in the corridor all those months ago, like it does every time they swap stories about their perspective jobs. La’an sighed. “Look, everybody I loved died on a Gorn breeding planet when I was young. Seeing that Gorn ship brought back…unpleasant memories.”

Kirk’s face blanched, and his face was full of sympathy, something she distinctly did not need right now. He lowered his hands and had the good sense to look sheepish. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t – ”

“Of course, you didn’t,” La’an said flatly, but before he could do anything else ridiculous like try to put a hand on her shoulder, the Turbolift doors, mercifully, opened and La’an could escape this conversation. “Alright, lieutenant, let’s fix the phaser banks so we can all die another day.”

They set to work, first clearing out the rubble from the phaser tubes, the latter of which were thankfully still intact. Then La’an watched as Kirk crawled behind a bulkhead to find the reset switch. “La’an, can you check the status back there?” he asked, his voice muffled from behind the wall. La’an ran a system’s check, but still got a few reds.

“Not working yet!”

“Damn it, I see the problem, I’ve got a severed powerline. I need to reroute. Hang on.”

Several anxious moments later, some more lights started flashing green. “Got it! There are a few things not working, but…” She was cut off by another shock going through the ship, this one quite different. James appeared from behind the bulkhead, hair dishevelled and a few burn marks on his uniform, looking alarmed. “That wasn’t a plasma torpedo,” La’an said softly.

Kirk shook his head. “That was docking.”

La’an’s blood ran cold. “They’re trying to get in. We need to stop – ” At that exact moment, a different alarm blared. “Intruder alert. Intruder on deck 4.” La’an closed her eyes, fear running through her veins. “They’re inside…” She immediately grabbed her communicator. “Captain, they’re inside, I’m heading to deck 4 to head them off.”

“Acknowledged, sending Spock and any and all security personnel to you. Pike out.”

Kirk made his way over to her side, looking determined. “I’ll go, too.”

La’an shook her head, glad to have a great excuse for sending him as far away from deck 4 as possible. “You’re of much more help on the Bridge, we need a good shot up there and no offence to Erica, but you’re better. I’ve seen your file.”

James smirked at the compliment, causing La’an to roll her eyes. The man never passed up on opportunity to flirt. But then his face turned serious again. “La’an, please…”

“James, I’m Head of Security on Starfleet’s flagship, I think I can handle myself. I’ve done it before,” she said, curtly, proud of how steady her voice sounded when, in actuality, she was freaking out inside. Knowing that Spock was on his way with his logical mind and more-than-average strength was a relief.

James raised his hands in surrender. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

La’an opened her mouth to say something, couldn’t find any fitting words – how could she ever explain the depth of her feelings for him without breaking the temporal general directive? – and closed it again. Instead, she nodded, before heading out, towards deck 4. When she was almost at the Turbolift, she suddenly felt a hand close around her wrist. For a split second, her instincts nearly vaulted him over her shoulders, but Kirk was fast. He spun her around to face him, and she got a glimpse of his determined face before he kissed her.

Oh.

It was embarrassing how easy it was for La’an to completely forget the crisis they were in right now. James was kissing her, after months and months of wondering, longing, and trying to separate that James from this James in her head. He was kissing her, and it felt just as right as it had done with the other Kirk. His arms slipped around her waist, pulling her closer, and she sunk into it for a moment, giving as good as he did, but the alarms were insistent and loud. They broke apart, panting slightly. “What was – ” she began, as his forehead rested against hers briefly.

“For luck,” James said quietly, his eyes closed as if he was steeling himself for what was coming. Then he took a step back. “Be careful, La’an.” Please, his eyes seemed to say.

Mouth slightly agape in shock, La’an nodded, watching him turn away from her and jog in the other direction. It took a second or two for her mind to reboot, but then she said, “You, too!” to his retreating back. He turned around before turning the corner and smiled, as if to say of course, you know me. Which was worrisome, because she did know him, and he generally didn’t give a rat’s ass about his own safety.

Although she was about to run headfirst into a (pack of?) Gorn, so she didn’t really have grounds to talk. The Turbolift arrived and in the several seconds it took for the lift to go up to deck 4, La’an had time to panic, put herself back together and steel herself for what was to come. As the Turbolift opened, La’an immediately went to her knees and ripped open a panel behind which phasers were stored. Taking two, she stashed one in her uniform and held the other out in front of her, setting it to maximum. Then she opened her communicator. “La’an to all security personal and Mr. Spock, what is your status?”

“I have just arrived at deck 4, Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, and making my way to you now. No sight of the Gorn.”

“Do we know if it’s one Gorn or more?”

“Sensors detected a slight life sign as we were boarded but have not picked up any life signs since then. It is impossible to know how many there are.”

“Pray it’s only one.”

“Indeed.”

It was dead silent on the deck, as Captain Pike had obviously had enough of the alarms and had shut it all off. A sense of wrongness overcame her, as if she was being watched. La’an kept moving, knowing that she had to meet her people. Safety in numbers, even with the Gorn. It didn’t take long before she heard movement up ahead. She raised her phaser, moving slowly towards the sounds. If it was a Gorn she would shoot until the phaser was empty, that much she was sure about. Her heart was beating in her throat. “Lieutenant?” said a voice suddenly, and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Spock!” she whisper-yelled, embarrassed at how easy it was to rattle her. “I thought you were a Gorn, I’d nearly emptied my phaser on you.”

Spock emerged from the shadows, a single eyebrow raised. “Then I am grateful for your level of self-control. I was on my way to the science lab. I have been thinking about the last Gorn we encountered, and how we defeated them.”

La’an nodded, immediately catching on. “Cold. Liquid nitrogen.”

Spock nodded. “Indeed. If I am not mistaken there are several cannisters of liquid nitrogen to choose from.”

La’an shook her head as they advanced, wondering where her security team was. “One of these days we’re going to have a talk about hazardous materials.”

Spock raised another perfect eyebrow. “As you wish, lieutenant. Though I feel the need to point out that warp plasma is infinitely more destructive, as it…”

La’an held up her hand. “Spare me the workings of my ship. It’s helpful that you’ve got it now.” They crept into the science lab, which was thankfully abandoned for now. They worked fast, assembling a sort of liquid nitrogen bomb to throw at the Gorn when they encountered them. As she worked, she replayed the kiss with James over in her mind. It was distracting and more than once she nearly spilled some liquid nitrogen on herself. If Spock noticed, he didn’t care to comment, which she appreciated. When they were almost done, La’an flipped open her communicator. “La’an to any and all security personnel on deck 4, where are you?”

“This is Ensign Scott, we’re trapped near the Turbolift, lieutenant, there’s one Gorn outside trying to break down the door. We’ve lost D’Jal.” La’an looked up sharply, locking eyes with Spock, who looked faintly troubled by raising a single eyebrow.

“Hang tight, Ensign, Spock and I are on our way. Try to stay as far away from the door as possible!”

“Aye, lieutenant.”

 “It’s finished, lieutenant. It should at least incapacitate the Gorn enough for us to…destroy it.”

La’an remembered smashing the last one, too. She usually didn’t really enjoy violence, but that had felt good. The same fire was suddenly burning in Spock’s eyes, and she remembered how he’d lowered his inhibitions to make himself stronger against the Gorn. It seemed he was doing the same thing now. “Let’s go.”

With Spock holding the bomb, La’an took up her second phaser and used it to cover as much of their surroundings as possible, as they moved in the opposite direction to the other Turbolift. At first it was absolutely silent, and then the lights when out. “Shit,” La’an muttered, quickly turning on her flashlights. “The Gorn found a light switch.”

“I think it’s highly unlikely that…”

Was Spock being particularly Vulcan-y today, or was he always this obtuse? La’an stopped to shoot him one of her famous death stares. “Yes, obviously I meant it destroyed some conduits, Spock, it was a figure of speech.”

“Right,” Spock said, looking politely contrite. “My apologies.”

La’an turned her back on him and crept forward, slower, and more deliberate than before. Gorn could now be on literally every corner, and one false move would mean bad, possibly fatal, news. The quiet was all-encompassing, exacerbated by the darkness, and the feeling of being watched crept over La’an again.

It was an old feeling, familiar from her time on the Gorn breeding planet, and a feeling that she always tried very hard to stay away from. It usually preluded a panic attack of varying degrees of severity. She did not have time in her life for panic attacks. “Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, you have not taken a breath in at least a minute, are you alright?”

La’an took a sharp breath, the pounding in her ears suddenly proof of her lack of oxygen. “Yes. Yes, I’m – ” She shook her head, wondering how she just forgot to breathe. “No, actually, I’m not alright.”

She felt more than saw Spock nod behind her. “The Gorn are a violent species, and you’ve had more run-ins with them than most. Perhaps some comfort can be gleaned from the fact that you have survived them three separate times now.”

La’an scoffed, shaking her head to clear it. “It’s called luck. And it is going to run out.”

“Perhaps. I, myself, have never believed in luck. I must – ” But La’an cut him off with a quick hand motion and a hiss. Nearby, she could hear clicking and pounding. The Gorn, trying to get to her security team. Not today, monster. She motioned for Spock to get on the other side of the corridor with the bomb, so the Gorn would have nowhere to go, and in that formation, they approached the noise, which got more violent and louder with every step they took.

And then she saw it. A recently hatched, but already quite large Gorn was scratching and pounding at a door, which was slowly losing integrity against the onslaught of a hungry Gorn. Her breath stilled again, her heart pounding in her ears, and for a moment she froze. A soft gasp escaped her throat before she could stop herself, and the Gorn snapped its gaze towards them. “Now!” she screamed at Spock, as she locked eyes with the hungry, dead eyes she’d seen most often in her nightmares. The Gorn leapt towards them just as Spock threw the liquid nitrogen bomb at it.

The bomb exploded in mid-air, straight in the Gorn’s face, and it screeched in pain as the immediate cold washed in waves over its body and through the corridor. La’an leapt back, because though the cold should’ve frozen it solid immediately, the Gorn was still moving, and fast.

“Lieutenant, be careful – ” Spock’s shout pierced the air at the same time La’an felt something long and sharp slash across her chest. “Lieutenant!” The pain was immediate and overwhelming, and La’an fell to the floor. Someone was screaming, she registered dimly, and it took her a moment to realize it was her. The Gorn, she realized. It was still behind her. The pain was blinding her, her vision narrowing, time slowing down, but she had to get away, had to make sure the Gorn wouldn’t infect her. Letting out another scream when she moved, the pain excruciating, she turned around, only to find the Gorn right in front of her, frozen solid, its claw outstretched, parts of her uniform hanging from the talons.

“Die – you monster,” she managed to spit out, before everything went black.

--

The first thing La’an was aware of was that she was lying on a soft bed. The second thing she was aware of was…oh, she wasn’t dead. That was nice. Being alive was nice. She was warm and comfortable.

“Mr. Kirk, I assure you she is going to be all right. You do not need to stand vigil here.”

“I’m fine, Dr. M’Benga.”

That didn’t make sense. How was James here, on the Enterprise, when he was stationed on the Farragut? No, that wasn’t right. He’d come over to the Enterprise to drop his brother off after his shore-leave. And something had happened… Her brain was foggy, the sedative dr. M’Benga had given her obviously doing its work, but she was forgetting something, something important.

The Gorn.

Gasping wildly, La’an opened her eyes and sat up straight, her eyes wide. “Where is it?!” she shouted, barely aware of the pain that pierced through her sedative and shot through her body.

“La’an, it’s okay!” James was there, right next to her, his palms facing towards her to show his calm. “It’s okay, you’re safe. You’re all right.” He took a step closer, putting his hands on her shoulders, which were heaving.

“James?” she asked, her voice high pitched. Her brain was addled with drugs and panic, so she was slow on the uptake.

He nodded, smiling gently. “It’s me, La’an, it’s all right. Trust me.” His voice was soft, calm, and if the Gorn was still at large, why would he be so calm?

“It’s dead?” she said, her voice shaking as the panic slowly subsided. James nodded, raising a hand to her face, and stroking her hair back. “We killed it?”

James nodded again, leaning forward to put his forehead against hers. “Yeah, you did. It nearly took you with it.” La’an closed her eyes, the last of her panic subsiding in his calming presence. She remembered now. The liquid nitrogen bomb, the gashes, the pain. “It’s all right, La’an. You have to lay back down now, you’re still healing.” La’an looked down. She was dressed in her standard issue tank top and shorts, and she could see the gashes the Gorn had made across her chest. Dr M’Benga had done a good job on them, she thought, as she remembered in a flash how deep the cuts had been. “Please, La’an, or Dr M’Benga will have my head, I told him I wouldn’t let you overexert yourself.”

“La’an, you’re awake!” Christine entered Sickbay and immediately rushed over. “You let her get up?” she said, glaring at James, who let go of La’an reluctantly and stepped back.

“Let her? Have you met the lieutenant before, Nurse Chapel?” He locked eyes with La’an and winked at her, and La’an, inexplicably, laughed.

Christine rolled her eyes with a smile, and gently guided La’an back down. Then she set to work on examining her wounds, while James hovered nearby, leaning against the next biobed with one arm and his other hand firmly planted on his hip. La’an almost had to laugh, the man had a way with ridiculous stances in every timeline. “You’ll be all right, lieutenant. The cuts were very deep, and it was a bit touch and go for a while, but we managed to stem the bleeding and repair most of the damage. The rest must heal on its own. We can use a dermal regenerator for the scars when…”

“No,” La’an said curtly, causing both Christine and James to look at her in surprise. “No dermal regenerators. I need to remember this.”

Christine looked like she wanted to argue, but then thought better off it. “Alright. Well, there’s nothing more you can do but rest. I’ll give you another small sedative and leave you in the capable hands of your guard here.” She shot an amused look in James’s direction before administering another hypospray to La’an and heading off to M’Benga’s office. La’an was in too much pain to really object to the sedation, so instead she turned to look at James, who pushed off from the biobed to stand next to hers. He looked down at her with the softest expression she’d ever seen on his smug face. “My guard?” she asked, bemused.

He laughed sheepishly, scratching behind his ear with a blush on his face. She’d never seen him this shy before. “I – I may have been here nearly non-stop for two days?”

La’an’s eyes widened. He’d done what? “Why? Wait, two days?” There were too many questions swirling in her brain at once, and she suddenly felt very dizzy. “Ow,” she muttered, grabbing her head.

He was kneeling beside her in a flash, his hands stroking her arm gently, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration. “What can I do?”

La’an laughed despite the pain, and she turned her head to look at him. She lifted a single hand to rest on his cheek, a gesture of affection she would not usually deal out so easily, but her inhibitions were lowered, and this man had been at her bedside for two whole days. “You’re already doing it, James. Thank you.” She closed her eyes and let the feel of his soft hands running up and down her arm lull her into a superficial slumber. She was warm, and she felt safe, and it was probably the sedatives starting to work, but it felt nice. It wasn’t often that felt safe.

When she next woke up, James was asleep on a chair beside her, his head resting on her biobed, one hand resting in hers, and it was dark in Sickbay. She smiled. She wasn’t sure how long she’d slept, but somehow, she was very sure that he hadn’t moved much except to get a chair. “James,” she said, rolling on her side to face him properly, and squeezing his hand. “James, wake up.”

He woke slowly, and blinked into the semi-darkness as he looked up. “La’an,” his voice was rough with sleep. “How are you feeling?” He lifted a hand to her face, letting his thumb trace the side of her face gently.

La’an closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation. “’m fine.” They gazed at each other for a while, and as they did so, at least twenty different questions popped into her head. “James, why did you…kiss me?”

James averted his gaze with a smile, before looking back up and letting his thumb trace lower, across her bottom lip. “I admit, it was slightly dramatic in the heat of the moment, but…I’ve been wanting to for quite some time, ever since you called me James even though we had barely spoken more than 5 minutes. And then we got that drink, and I got to know you, and I just…I really like you, La’an Noonien-Singh. So when it was a crisis situation and you were about to run headfirst into danger, I thought…now or never.”

“Mmm. Quite presumptuous of you, Lt. Kirk,” she said, her voice teasing and a smile on her face. She moved a bit closer to him, and he slid his hand in her neck, their noses now almost touching.

James shot her a charming half-smile, his eyes flicking down to her lips a few times. “I don’t seem to remember you complaining much, Lt. Noonien-Singh.”

La’an raised one shoulder, suppressing a wince as her scars pulled painfully. “Well, I was caught by surprise.”

“Hmm, that’s not very chivalrous of me,” James whispered, his lips ghosting over hers.

La’an shook her head. “No, not very,” she murmured, and then she closed the distance. It was wonderful, to be able to kiss him freely, after having wanted to for months, having to sort out which of her feelings were real and which of her feelings were left over from the deleted timeline, and finally being unable to figure out how to even go about forming a connection with him. She let her hand wander into his hair, finding it soft and a little smushed together from sleeping against the biobed. His hand snuck into her hair as well, which was hanging loose, free of her usual braids, and she wondered if her hair was just as messy as his. Then she found herself not caring at all, because his mouth was soft against hers, and he was moving closer, moving to put his hand on the bed behind her, causing her to roll onto her back. He was standing now, one hand on the back of her head, protecting her from hitting anything, the other bracketing her, and she felt once again protected and safe.

They were lost in the kiss, were ignoring her injuries, and ignoring the trauma she’d just been through, but it couldn’t last long. A throat cleared behind from somewhere behind James, and they broke apart, gasping. Dr M’Benga stood there, looking equal parts disapproving and amused. “I’m afraid none of this comes under the heading of ‘resting’, Lt. Noonien-Singh.”

La’an felt her cheeks burning, as she lifted her hand to touch her lips, which were tingling. “I’m sorry, Dr M’Benga, we were…”

James was standing next to her biobed, looking both guilty and exceedingly pleased with himself. “This is my fault, Dr M’Benga, my apologies.”

M’Benga looked at him, his gaze stern. “You are free to remain here, Lt. Kirk, but I’ll thank you to let my patient rest.”

James nodded solemnly. “Yes, doctor.”

“Good night, lieutenants.”

“Good night,” they both said sheepishly, as M’Benga left Sickbay. James let out a slightly embarrassed chuckle. “I’m sorry,” he said, sitting back down on the chair, close enough to hold her hand but too far to continue their very pleasurable exploits. Now that the rush of adrenaline was fading again, La’an could feel her wounds throbbing with pain. “You okay?”

La’an shook her head as she pressed her hand to her chest, expecting to come away with blood, but finding nothing. It hurt like it was bleeding. “I was…a little overenthusiastic.” She opened her eyes to him staring down at her with a soft smile. “What?”

“Nothing,” James said, shaking his head as if to clear it. He leaned forward and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, so gentle that it ached. “Get some sleep, La’an.”

La’an grabbed his hand before he could pull it back and held it against her cheek for a moment. “Promise me you will, too?”

“I can sleep here.”

She squeezed his hand to shut him up, then looked up at him with her best Chief of Security-glare. “James, you’ve been here for over two days now. You need a bed. I’ll still be here in the morning, because I don’t think these wounds will heal as fast as I want them to.” Then she kissed his palm, noting with some satisfaction that his breath caught. “Thank you for not leaving me these past few days. But I will never forgive myself if worrying about me causes you to collapse from exhaustion.”

“La’an Noonien-Singh, who knew you had a flair for the dramatic?” he said with a light tease, then got to his feet and leaned over her. “Alright, I’ll go get some sleep. Good night, La’an.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, sending butterflies soaring through La’an stomach. It was very embarrassing, having feelings.

“Good night, James.” James smiled and then exited the Sickbay, leaving La’an alone with her embarrassing number of feelings.

The sedative worked wonders, however, because with no further distractions in the form of handsome men, her brain got foggy again. Her brain spooled past the last couple of days, in which James played a large part, and the Gorn was conveniently clouded in vague memories. She could still feel James’ lips pressed against hers, his fingers tracing her neck, her arm, his mouth…

She let out a giggle (La’an Noonien-Singh didn’t giggle, for crying out loud), and then sleep overtook her.

#star trek #star trek snw #strange new worlds #snw #ka'an #la'an noonien singh #james t kirk #ka'an ff #ka'an fanfic #star trek ff #star trek fanfic #lilysfics

[lillianwrites]

Sad Hearts And Black Eyes (chapter 5)

Dan walked into the hotel room, he was so confused and honestly a bit angry. He could put it off to being sleep deprived, could put it off to being a teenager with hormones that make him moody, but honestly he was tired of being played and then pushed away like he was still a kid. Phil needed to decide what he wanted from Daniel, all he wanted was a clear answer, a simple explanation as to why he was being treated this way.

Looking at it however, not even Daniel knew what he wanted. Did he really want to be in a relationship with a man like Phil, someone who traveled and killed monsters? Did Daniel want to put his entire life at risk for a simple man, someone who couldn't even properly take care of him, someone who didn't make proper money, nor have a proper job. He couldn't properly protect him, but honestly he could protect Daniel more than anyone, knew things others don't, things other men couldn't protect Daniel from, especially if whatever killed his dad or anything at all what gonna come after him.  

Was Phil someone Daniel even wanted to be interested in? He was the kinda man his father would say run away from. someone so full of sin God couldn't even turn his head to look at him, his name having a permanent place on the list of Hell.  And wait just one second, why was Daniel even considering this, Phil wasn't interested in him, and he wasn't interested in Phil. That was final enough for Dan. He didn't need a relationship, his father had just died, not that Phil could even give him a proper relationship.

He had thought about his father as little as possible, trying to mask his feelings of sadness underneath everything, making himself busy with Phil and the new journey ahead of him so he wouldn't have to worry about how it would be when he had to stop and actually think.

Why had his life had to change so much, why had his father had to die, and why did this happen to him specifically. How cruel was it that a god who claimed to love him so much would make him suffer through this.

Daniel felt his mood drop, he felt his lip tremble, and he felt water stinging his eyes. His father had been a good man, he truly was, or at least that's what Daniel had believed. Things like this just happened to Daniel, there had been a time when he had believed it was because he way gay. Where he had believed everything has happened to him because God was punishing him, and sometimes his father had even agreed with him.

Quickly wiping his cheek he put his bags on the bed. He heard footsteps behind him and he turned around to find Phil staring at him, curiosity in his eyes.

“You okay?” he asked, clearly hesitant, he wasn't one for emotions something he didn't need to tell Dan for him to understand.

All Dan could do was nod, he wasn't going to to cry to Phil, he wasn't going to do this. He was eighteen, he could handle this, after all, clearly his father hadn't been all that amazing so why was he so upset? He could see the doubt in Phil’s eyes, so all that he could do was turn his back to the man, as his shoulders hunched. He could feel his breathing become heavier, his eyes were watering again, tears racing down his cheeks.

Maybe it was the fact he was crying, maybe Phil Lester actually did have a heart, because soon enough he felt arms wrap around him, turning him around and hugging him. Dan could only sob harder as Phil squeezed him. Dan let himself bury his face into Phil’s jacket. Daniel just didn't know how to stop crying, why had this happened to him, why did Phil even have to come to the town, his father should be alive, his mother should be alive, he should be straight and in college right now, becoming the lawyer his father wanted him to be. Instead here he was in the arms of a man he could no longer deny the fact he was attracted to.

Eventually the crying had to stop, and Dan was content with just being held, breathing in the scent of Phil and letting himself sniffle and let everything out and go. Maybe he wasn't healed, maybe this was the first of many breakdowns, but this was a start, and he knew he could do this.

Soon enough he felt the arms start to pull from his body, and as pathetic as it sounds, he let a small whine slip out. He wondered why Phil had to let go so soon, which in turn made him wonder why he even ared, why did he convince himself he wasn't attracted to Phil, only to turn around and prove the facts to his own face?

Phil let out a chuckle, and Dan was only upset when he couldn't feel the vibrations against him like he could have a moment ago. Phil was face to face with Daniel now, and even though Dan hated this fact, he couldn't help notice how amazing those eyes were, close to his own. He hated this stupid cheesy feeling he got near this man, how was it fair someone could jump into your life so suddenly and make him feel something, even knowing he'd never have a chance, even if Phil was gay, clearly he wasn't interested, showing the way he was able to stop making out with him so easily, push him away and then joke about it. Clearly Daniel just wasn't Phil’s type, if Phil even had a type.

He watched the way Phil’s head fell into a tilt, and Dan wanted to die with how cute he looked. How could a single human being make him feel like this? He felt his head tilt, and the sigh that fell from Phil’s lips made him want everything so much more, so much that he almost forgot what he knew would happen if he kissed Phil right here in this present time. He would enjoy himself before Phil ultimately left him crying like the last time. Phil Lester just wasn't one to be held down and Dan knew he couldn't put himself in that position again.

“So what's the worst thing you've ever hunted?”he asked, looking down at Phil's lips for only a millisecond before he was back to staring into those blue eyes, blue eyes that were crinkled at the edges form the smile he was giving Daniel. Dan might be ashamed to admit he felt his stomach swoop from that one smile.

“Hmmm let me think.” Phil said, glancing down before saying “Probably this nest of vampires in Portali, killed over fifteen of the teenage girls in the town, and then kept their bodies. Only way i knew it was vampires is because of the fact that one girl survived. Freaked out she told the police but of course they said she was just scared and couldn't think straight. There were at least seven of those freaks just preying on the girls. It was awful.” He finished.

Daniel shivered at the thought. So many lives lost, yet this man in front of him saved so many people, even though he didn't understand Phil, he was extremely grateful he did what he did, saving people from things cops couldn't ever dream of. He was grateful that he had even saved him from what he had never believed had existed.

“Wait, do all of the families know what you do? He asked, curiously tilting his head. Phil chuckled, he seemed to find it hilarious Daniel was interested in this kind of thing, but i mean what did he expect when this was his life for now? The only thing he could do was deal with this, it was his only choice, he wanted to know about the supernatural elements and how you deal with them. Was there a god? Apparently since castiel existed, if so, did Lucifer also exist? The questions just kept popping up.

“Most families don't know anything unless they see the creatures themselves, which i try to prevent. I don't trust people not to go about trying to do what us hunters do without proper training.” Phil said, he looked away for a second, before finding “Not knowing has really messed a lot of people up, I've watched couples together twenty years divorce because of it, but it's better separated then dead i guess. It just makes you feel bad, but that's what life is. Other hunters think its funny, call them a bunch of pussy’s, but I've watched mothers hold their own kids as they die, hell i know a woman named Jody whose son came back from the dead, poor woman couldn't handle anything cause she loved him so much, but that thing ate her husband, so in the end she lost the most two important dudes in her life. Sam and Dean took care of that one, i was helping others. You haven't seen hurt until you've watched these things. Ain't nobody at fault for crying over what I’ve seen.”

Dan was in awe, staring at Phil for a moment, before he asked “Is she okay?”

Phil stayed silent for a minute, before he nodded. “She's good now, helps us out every once in awhile. She's a real great woman, i just wish we all could have helped more than we did. She should have never seen that. This job destroys people, but more people are gonna hurt if we ignore it and go about our merry ways.” he said.

“Couldn't they just, I don't know leave? Quit?” Daniel asked, kind of shocked at the angry look Phil gave him.

“You think they, or should i say we haven't tried? Things out there have fucking brains, and they will hunt you if you stop hunting them. Many friends of mine have been killed because they wanted a family, settled down, had a kid or two, and the one day wakes up dead, wife’s freaking out, kids crying and she's calling me because she doesn't understand.You can't leave this job, it's dangerous to be in it, worse if you get out. At Least hunting you have the equipment, stay in practice to know when somethings up.” He said. Dan could tell his breathing had gotten a bit heavier, so before it could escalate into a fight over Dan’s lack of knowledge in the supernatural department he placed his hand on Phil’s lightly. “I'm sorry about your friends.” he said sincerely.

Maybe it wasn't a lot, but Phil nodded, his expression softening. On the desk, Phil’s phone rang, causing them both to jump. Phil groaned and got up, answering it and saying “Yes, ma’am” a few times, before he placed the phone down and grabbed his jacket.

“Just got a call from the police department. They have a new body so i’m gonna go ahead and go ahead and get up there, try and exam and stuff. Will you be okay?” He asked.

Dan nodded his head, and Phil was out of the door, leading Daniel alone once again, but he needed to do his job so Dan had to be okay with it. He decided to take a nap since he had nothing else to do, so he turned on the Tv for background noise and laid down in the bed, his eyes closing slowly.

#Shabe #Lilysfics #lillianwrites #Phanfic #phanfluff #phansmut #phan #phanfiction #supernatural #chapter 5 #phan angst

[mountalodiel]

The Struggles of a Muggle - Part One

Summary: Tessa Whitmore is a muggle at modern-day Hogwarts. The muggle community there are all very close to each other, since they're all feeling the loss of wifi and TV shows. This is her diary.

Word Count: 1317

A/N: i have to give barrowbrothers some credit since she helped me with a lot of this!!! also, this first part really doesn't explain much, it's just really getting the feel of Tessa's writing and learning a little bit about her life. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: some of the headcanons in this are inspired by those i've seen in text posts, so i don't take any credit for them!

1st September, 2010

OMG!!! I am officially a Hogwarts student!! It's soooo big here. Did you know the paintings MOVE?? it made the girl next to me scream when a knight waved at her. LOL!! I was sorted into the Hufflepuff house, which is cool, but the only problem is that yellow is NOT my colour Thats not the worst thing, though!! This really small girl named Georgia was showing us around the school after we'd all got sorted by that weird hat and when she finished and asked if we had any questions, I put my hand up and asked "Is there wifi??" A very important question, I know!! And you know what she said? "What's wifi?" WHAT'S WIFI????? OMG I am going to DIE. Screw magic, I wanted to check on my puffle!!! I hope Pinkie doesn't die LOL!! Other than that, everything is really really cool here!! I'm glad Mum and Dad let me come, but I don't know how I'll get in touch with them since phones don't work here!!! It's like the Medeval Medieval times. I haven't spoken to any of the girls in my dorm yet, but there's one girl who has REALLY BIG EARS. Talk later!! - Tess x

---------------------------------------------------------------

3rd September, 2014

YOU WERE UNDER MY BED THIS WHOLE TIME. Sorry for the neglect, I guess. You've missed a hell of a lot. Also, I didn't die. But I think my puffle did. RIP Pinkie 2010 - 2010 Obviously wasn't loved as much as you thought. (Also, was LOL!! really the appropriate thing to use, Little Tessa? You were talking about the imminent death of an animated, imaginary little puffball thing. Jesus Christ.) Also, the girl you described as having REALLY BIG EARS is the biggest bitch ever. Honest to God. Me and 2/3 of the other girls in the dorm can't cope with her. But anyway. Yeah. You've missed a lot. Let me be the attention-seeking bitch I am and tell you more about myself. So I'm Tessa. Tessa Louise Whitmore, if you wanted the details. I'm going into my 6th year at Hogwarts, and I have annoyingly frizzy hair. Not wavy, or curly, or anything nice and pretty like that. It's just frizz. I usually just throw it into two braids or something. It's a kind of white-blonde colour, which makes me feel like an uglier version of Elsa from Frozen. Which reminds me; some guy named Jammy managed to get a CD player working, so we then managed to convince McGonagall to let us play CDs at the Yule Ball. I've never seen so many purebloods look so confused at the Macarena before. Or the YMCA. My nose used to be the best part of my face, but then I broke it so now it's crooked and weird. (I fell off my broomstick trying to sing Defying Gravity with Teddy. Worth it.) My eyes are a kind of yellowy-green colour? I don't know how to describe it. Think of puke, and then apply it to my eyes. Don't apply puke to my eyes. That might hurt. Shut up, Tessa. I'm really tall. It's not a good thing. Being called The Giraffe and being told that the Hufflepuff mascot should be me is NOT A GOOD THING. I live in a city called Harrogate in Yorkshire, but I switch houses every two weeks, since Mum and Dad divorced when I was around seven. Mum lives in a bit apartment with her fiancee Steven (he's bald and a really great soon-to-be stepdad, as stepdads go), and Dad lives in a little Victorian townhouse with his dog Minton. Minton's a black Lab and is called Minton purely so my Dad can shout "BADMINTON!" whenever he pees on the sofa or drags his balls across the carpet. I have an older brother named Adam, but he moved to Bournemouth to go to uni there, so I don't see him much. He always takes the piss out of me jokingly about the whole magic thing. He's great. I miss him, if I'm honest. I'm using one of my old biros to write this, and it's Heaven. Why do we have to write with inks and quills? It's so old fashioned. You don't have to refill biros every five minutes. I guess I should tell you about the girls in my dorm, since two of them are sat across from me having a heated debate over whether Alfie Jenkins' butt is nice. (It would be nice, if he didn't look like a toe. Where does his chin stop and neck start? NO ONE KNOWS.) There's four of us overall: Me - You know about me, kind of. Bryony "Big Ears Bry" Carr - She's one of the two girls arguing about Wormboy's butt. As mentioned, she has humongous ears. Like Gary-Lineker-had-a-child-with-an-elephant big. I think she can hear the cries of bats. As I've also mentioned before, she's the biggest bitch there is. I never thought she would be a Hufflepuff until I learned that she volunteers at the RSPCA in the summers with her Mum. She focuses all her love an abandoned animals, which leaves no love for any of us in the dorm. If looks could kill, I'd be long gone. She's a halfblood. Harriet Vince - She's two of the two girls arguing about Wormboy's butt. She's the one who thinks it's as flat as Taylor Swift's (Taylor's butt isn't as bad as his). She's Bryony's best friend, which should make her the second biggest bitch ever, but she's actually kind of withstandable. She's one of the girls who gets her mum to owl her sweets (I might interrupt the conversation to ask her if I can have a Mars bar) to give to the MPP. She's a halfblood, and also was the one who sent Francis Ewan a Howler that was RickRoll in third year. That was the funniest morning of my entire life. Yeah. Harriet's okay. Mina Farrell - The bae. She's a muggleborn too, so of course we get along. She is the queen of applying winged eyeliner. She's had hordes of purebloods come up to her and watch in awe as teaches them her makeup secrets. It's amazing. They know everything about magic, but they don't know the difference between concealer and foundation. She also has the nicest hair in the whole damn school. I swear, if she ever set up a YouTube channel, she'd be better than Michelle Phan or Zoella or any of those beauty gurus. She also knows how to knit, which I make fun of her for endlessly. Yeah. Mina's my homie 4 life. Charlie Watkins - She has the cutest pair of glasses I've ever seen (though I'm 100% sure there has to be a spell for curing eyesight, right?). In fact, she's the cutest little thing in the year. She comes up to the bottom of my ribcage, and even though I'm 6'1", it still says a lot. She's a pureblood, which means we can test out pranks on her. MAY I JUST ADD they're completely harmless pranks, nothing like what Jammy and Teddy pull. We've all burst into song randomly through the years in the dorm to confuse her. The looks of pure terror she gives us is honestly hilarious. Yesterday we pulled Bohemian Rhapsody on her for about the millionth time, and I think she's beginning to learn the words. She did not understand "She Looks So Perfect" by that 5SOS band, though. "What's American Apparel?" There you go. Happy? OH FUCK I HATE BEING LEFT HANDED THE SIDE OF MY HAND HAS SMUDGED FUCK THIS I'm going to go wash my hands and, since nothing interesting at all happened today, I'm going to end this shitty diary entry here. Hopefully I won't lose you this time; this was actually kind of fun. See you later. - Tessa

#lilysfics #HOLLA #tsoam

[chiefnooniensingh]

I think I'm gonna love you (for a long, long time)

Pairing: La'an Noonien-Singh/James T. Kirk

Rating: E

Summary: “Buy me a drink next time we’re on Starbase together.” La'an and Jim are finally on Starbase together, able to get that drink that was promised. Will lightning strike twice?

A/N: I had a lot of issues with the smut because a) I'm pretty sure I'm ace, b) haven't written smut in a good long while, c) haven't gotten laid in a good long while. But I'm very pleased with how it came out. Enjoy yourself!

AO3

“Buy me a drink next time we’re on Starbase together.”

It’s not like La’an hadn’t badgered the living daylights out of Sam these last few weeks, for every scrap of information about this timeline’s James Insane Middle Name Kirk. She knew a lot about him now. His inability to accept a lost cause. His penchant to flirt with everything with a heartbeat (she had to admit, that one stung a bit. Which was insane because they weren’t anything to each other in this timeline). His absolute dedication to Starfleet and the resulting skirmishes he’d gotten himself into. If Sam wondered why La’an suddenly showed so much interest in his brother she’d never met, he didn’t ask.

She did prepare for this moment. She really did. But seeing the USS Faragut docked next to the Enterprise still sent a rush of nerves through her. It was ridiculous. Like she was a teenager about to see her crush, not a decorated abuse survivor, she spent the first two days picking up her Padd and putting it back down again, her finger hovering over his name for several long moments.

In the end it was Una who called her out on it, because who else would have the nerve? “Who or what is on your Padd that has you reaching for it every other minute?” she asked, after La’an had indeed reached for her Padd for the 10th time during their meal.

La’an sighed, biting the inside of her cheek in frustration. It was accutely annoying that she couldn’t talk to those closest to her about her experiences in the alternate timeline. She was sure Una would not only understand, but also know what to do about her predicament. “It’s just...” Words were failing her. “I’ve had an experience recently. It…changed me.”

“Is this when you arrived in a strange leather outfit on the Bridge?” Una asked, eyeing her shrewdly. La’an’s breath stilled in her throat, and she gaped at Una. Was she that obvious? “Oh please,” Una said, waving her look away, “I’ve known you longer than most. You looked like you’d seen a ghost. And you’ve been distant and quiet ever since.”

La’an looked down at her hands, her fingers fidgeting as she tried to find the words. “I…saw things…experienced things…that day. I was told not to tell.”

“Oh god,” Una groaned, sitting back and taking an annoyed sip of her tea. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with time travel, would it?”

La’an looked up sharply. She knew Una was smart, but the way the Commander sometimes seemed to know more than was possible, was unnerving. “How the…”

“I’ve had some run-ins with the future and the past,” Una said, glancing at something over La’an’s shoulder. La’an tried not to look, but was very aware of the loud voices of Captain Pike and Lieutenant Ortegas rising up from the table behind them. “La’an, you don’t have to tell me anything. But whatever you went through, it was important enough to change you. If there’s something you need to do now, you should do it. What is stopping you?”

La’an nodded slowly, her eyes moving away from Una’s face and to her Padd. She knew what was stopping her. James didn’t remember her. For him, nothing ever happened. How would she ever, ever explain her fixation with him? La’an let out a disbelieving breath as she realized the feeling that was holding her back: fear. She was afraid. La’an Noonien-Singh faced off with the Gorn on multiple occassions, but a meeting with a boy made her more afraid to pick up a Padd than a phaser. This was ridiculous. “I’ll explain everything to you later, I promise,” La’an said, suddenly jumping up and grabbing her Padd in one fluid movement.

Una smiled, her eyes twinkling in a way that made La’an believe she had realized what this all was about. Una was way too perceptive for her own good. “I’m looking forward to it. Go on.” She jerked her chin to the exit, and off La’an went, opening a connection to the Starbase network.

“Computer, locate Lieutenant James T. Kirk.”

“Lieutenant James T. Kirk is on Deck 10, subsection 5.”

La’an found the nearest turbolift, got in, and then stared at the controls for a second, gathering some more strength. “Deck 10,” she finally told the lift, hating how much her voice was trembling. La’an wasn’t usually a nervous person. She bullied emotions like that into submission long before they had a chance to ruin her day. But she couldn’t run away from this. She was on her way to meet a man she’d never met, who meant more to her than most people did.

What a mind-job, she thought, and couldn’t help but chuckle as the turboliftdoors opened to Deck 10–

–and she ran right into one very surprised James T. Kirk.

La’an, who’d never been at a loss for words in her career, could only gape at him as he looked at her, and then smiled an easy smile she recognized from his other self. Her stomach did a summer sault without her permission. “La’an Noonien-Singh!” he said, sounding pleased.

“Jam – er, Lt. Kirk!” she managed to stutter out, as she stepped aside to let him into the turbolift with her.

“Deck 2,” Kirk told the turbolift, and they whooshed off. “It’s good to finally meet you in person, Lieutenant. Has my brother been behaving himself?” Another charming smile lit up his face, and just like that, La’an felt herself relax.

“Well, according to him, it’s you who’s the more troublesome Kirk brother,” La’an said, feeling her face split into a teasing grin.

Kirk closed his eyes in mock hurt and laughed. “No fair, he’s had the advantage of several missions with you to make me look bad!”

La’an laughed, too, startling herself a little. “I should be sorry to believe half of his ridiculous stories.”

“Well,” Kirk said, rubbing a hand across his neck, shooting her a bashful look through his eyelashes, “I’m pretty sure at least half of them are true. But at least allow me the opportunity to set the record straight. I might be a troublemaker, but he is no saint. I was just on my way to the bar. Join me, so you can buy me that drink you promised?”

Damn, he was a smooth talker in any timeline. La’an felt her cheeks redden a bit as she remembered their banter over hotdogs. “I distincly remember you arrogantly presuming I’d buy you that drink,” she said, her voice laced with laughter as he faked another hurt look, “but you’ve got me intrigued about Sam. Alright, Lieutenant. I’ll buy you that drink.”

Kirk’s answering smile was enough to brighten up the whole turbolift.

----

“You can’t possibly expect me to believe that Sam Kirk stole your mum’s car? And then drove it of a cliff?!”

Kirk laughed, taking a sip from his brandy, and holding up his hands. “Hey, if you don’t believe me, ask him yourself! The man is a terrible liar, you’ll sniff him right out!”

La’an put down her own drink to protect it from spilling. She couldn’t remember ever having laughed so much in a single night, but every anecdote Kirk told was as hilarious as the last, and it seemed he never grew tired of sharing them and making her laugh. Whenever she did laugh, she noticed his eyes lighting up as he looked at her, as if he was singularly enjoying her joy. It was usually hard to keep her old and new memories separate, but she hadn’t thought about the other timeline’s Kirk for quite a while. This Kirk was very adept at making her forget pretty much everything. “My god, I am going to make his life hell the next time I do a routine inspection. Underneath his bed, you say?”

Kirk nodded with a grin, turning slightly in the booth they were occupying and leaning closer conspiratorily. “He has never changed his hiding spot. My brother, though I love him, of course, is very preditable and very easy to tease.”

“I’m not sure any of these stories should go in his permanent record, but thank you for sharing them either way, Lieutenant.”

Kirk’s grin softened into a smile. “La’an, why don’t you just call me Jim? We’re both off duty here.”

Hearing her name spoken that softly sent a whole new host of feelings coursing through her body, but she clamped them down. “Alright. Jim.” It felt strange – how right that felt. She’d called the other Kirk James. But somehow that didn’t feel right with this Kirk. Jim was much more fititng for the man sitting across from her, telling stories, caring not a lick about who she was or why she’d called him with the strangest and most mundane question ever. “Thank you, Jim. I can’t remember having this much fun in a while.”

Kirk cocked his head, looking at her with narrowed, searching eyes. “Come on, that can’t be true.”

“It’s true,” La’an said, tearing her gaze away from his and staring at the table. “Other people are…usually difficult for me.” Oh God, she thought horrified. She’d had this exact conversation with him in another life. Another time. Another him. “There’s always been this barrier, and it gets…lonely. But you…”

It wasn’t fair. What she was doing to herself, what she was expecting him to say. She wasn’t being fair to either of them, but she didn’t seem to be able to stop the words from pouring out of her. And apparently, he was more like his counterpart than she thought, because he smiled, ducking his head, and said, “Me? I’m…special?”

La’an laughed, her heart in her throat. “Well, no. But yes. A bit of both?” She shook her head to get rid of the memories, then looked up into his eyes. She was shocked by how sincerely he was paying attention to her, singularly focussed on every line. “Anyway. I don’t usually get to have fun like this, even when on shore leave, so thank you.”

Jim raised his glass to her. “Well, it was my absolute pleasure.” She raised her own glass as well and took a sip. Somehow, she’d missed when he moved his arm to rest on the back of the couch they were sharing, his hand now resting inches from her shoulder. She wondered if he did it on purpose, then scolded herself for hoping. Then again, her leg had definitely brushed his on several occassions during the evening. All on accident, of course.

For the first time that evening, she looked up. The bar was a lot emptier than it had been when they arrived, and when she checked the time she was shocked to notice it was well past midnight. They’d been sitting here for the better part of four hours and she hadn’t noticed at all. Though on shore leave, La’an had planned a surprise inspection of the lower decks in the morning, but she could already tell that wasn’t going to happen. Her head was buzzing with the small amount of alcohol she had consumed, and her heart was racing with the proximity to Jim. She’d wondered how much he would be like his alternate self. He was close enough for her feelings to be still there, but far enough that it didn’t hurt to look at him as much as she had expected. He was still looking at her as he was finishing his brandy, and shot her another smile when he did. “We seem to be overstaying our welcome,” he whispered conspiratorily, leaning in closer to her and jerking his head towards the bar. She looked surreptitiously in that direction, and saw the bartender shooting them exasperated looks. “If we order another drink, do you think they’ll try to phaser us?”

La’an turned back to him to answer but was stopped short when she noticed how much closer he was now leaning. His hand was also very lightly touching her arm now. Clearing her throat, ignoring the burning sensation even that lightest touch was causing, she forced a chuckle. “I think we’d better not risk it. I rather like this place and would hate to be banned.”

Jim still hadn’t moved, his face now so close to hers that she could feel his breath. It carried a hint of the brandy he was drinking. “Good point,” he conceded, and then, seemingly with tremendous effort, pulled himself out of the booth. “Allow me to walk you to your quarters?” He extended his hand for her to take.

La’an would usually have denied. She didn’t need an escort, she was perfectly able to take care of herself, thank you very much. But she didn’t want this night to end. Her experiences with the alternate Jim aside, this had truly been a wonderful night, and she wondered how long it would be until she’d experience another. Everything ends, but she could delay their parting a bit longer. So she took his hand and allowed him to pull her out of the booth. She felt the loss when he let go. They walked together, slowly, both clearly unwilling for this night to end. Jim followed La’an’s lead, even when she took the long way ‘round to the Enterprise. He didn’t comment on that fact, merely kept up the steady stream of conversation the entire way to the ship. The ship was empty when they entered, the night shift well under way and everyone else either on Starbase or in their quarters. They fell silent automatically, as if the ship being on night shift somehow meant they had to be quiet.

“La’an, when you said there’s always been a barrier, what did you mean?” Jim asked, startling La’an out of her quiet enjoyment. She looked at him from the corner of her eyes and saw him looking at her intently.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t know?” La’an said, deflecting. She didn’t really want to talk about it, but also didn’t want to stop him from talking.

Jim nodded pensively. “Your name.” La’an nodded. They stepped into the Turbolift and were quiet all the way to her deck. “What makes me different, then?” he asked, when they stepped off the Turbolift on her deck.

More than I can ever tell you, La’an thought, but instead she said, “Since the first second we talked, you’ve never treated me different because of my last name. Almost everybody else starts out distrusting, sometimes even hating. But not you. You didn’t even blink.”

Jim nodded as they slowly made their way to her quarters. “I’ve never been a fan of judging someone because of their family. Genetics mean nothing. We’re all born with the capacity for good and evil. It’s our choices that define us, not our blood.”

La’an chuckled softly. “You’re the second person to say that to me recently.”

“Well, I am very wise,” Jim said, his tone once again teasing, causing La’an to laugh.

“Sure.” The mock hurt look crossed his face again and La’an shook her head with a smile. “Anyway. My last name has always been a…scarlet letter…” What the hell are you doing, she scolded at herself, but the words were already out of her mouth… “…my whole life. It’s nice to have someone treat me like I’m not wearing it.”

He looked at her, confused. Seriously? “Really? Hawthorne? Late 19th century Earth?” She was having an intense amount of deja-vu. She decided to push it. “It’s about a, eh - a woman who’s marked. Like the mark of Cain.” Again he pulled that perfectly innocent confused face. The most frustrating thing was that she still didn’t know if he was joking, because this Jim was not the other one. He might actually not have read it. They came to a halt in front of her door, and she narrowed her eyes at him. “You’ve never heard of…?”

Jim laughed, but not at her. Just…at his own stupid joke. “Yes, obviously I’ve heard of Hawthorne and the Old Testament.” He stepped closer to her, invading her personal space, forcing her to tilt her head slightly to maintain eye contact.

And suddenly, La’an knew exactly what was about to happen.

“I’m messing with you,” he said softly.

La’an had had enough. Her heart was racing a mile a minute, but she kept her eyes on him. His pupils were blown wide as he stared at her intensely. “You asshole,” she whispered, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling him in. Their lips met, and La’an melted. This kiss was nothing like the other one. In fact. In fact. La’an could barely even remember alternate James right now. This kiss was heated, full of promise and an evening of built up tension, and he was kissing her as enthousiastically as she felt. She wrapped her arms around his neck, as Jim slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him as he deepened their kiss. She felt him pressed against every single inch of her body, and she thought she might burn up if she didn’t do something, anything, more. She ran a hand through his short hair, finding leverage as she pushed up on her tiptoes to get closer, to feel more of him. She felt more than heard him chuckle, the vibrations going through her like music. When she didn’t think she could stand another second without some air, she broke their kiss, keeping her forehead pressed against his. They were both breathing heavily, and Jim was still holding onto her waist tightly. “Do you want…” La’an said, her breathing embarassingly laboured. “Do you want to come in?” Her hand was already moving towards the lock.

Jim held her in place for a moment, his lips ghosting over hers, enticingly, seductively. “Yes,” he said softly, before kissing her again in a way that sent an electric shock from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. La’an reached blindly towards the lock of her door, had to give it three tries, but then opened the door and they stumbled inside, trying to stay as close together as possible and create enough space to get rid of some clothes at the same time. “La’an…” Jim muttered when she finally got rid of her jacket and she was just wearing her black tanktop. His hands ran up her sides, exploring, soaking her in, causing goose bumps to erupt all over her skin. La’an gasped as he lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist automatically. “I’ve been wanting to do this all night,” he said as he buried his face in her neck, kissing and licking and sucking his way up towards her mouth. La’an scoffed, and Jim pulled his head back to look at her. His gaze was deadly serious. “You don’t believe me?”

“You hardly know me.”

Jim lifted a single shoulder. “Every time I made you laugh, I felt like I got some private view of you that nobody else gets to see. Every time your leg accidentally brushed mine I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. You underestimate the effect you have on me. And how much I want you to be wearing much less clothes than you are right now.”

La’an squealed (thank God Una wasn’t around to hear this) as he moved quickly across her room, deposited her on the couch and starting working on undoing her pants. “Jim…” she whispered, cheeks flushing at how needy she sounded. She reached out, touching his face, and he got the message. He surged up to kiss her again, his mouth hungry but soft, allowing her to set the pace and giving her room to pull back should she want to.

She really, really didn’t want to. With one hand in his hair, the other traveled downwards to his pants. She attempted to undo it, but in the proces brushed right over his crotch, and she felt exactly how much truth was behind his words. He gasped at her touch, pressing his face against her neck with a groan. “La’an, I swear to God…” he said, his voice already broken. She’d barely even touched him yet. A rush of power surged through La’an. She was doing that to serial womanizer Jim Kirk. It was euphoric, her eyes rolling in the back of her head as she let out a giggle.

So many things she would never, ever tell another living soul she was capable off.

Her laughter died out quickly, because he’d managed to undo her pants and hadn’t waited to pull it down before moving his hand to where she needed him most, thrusting first one, then soon after two fingers inside her. His thumb traced lightly but surely over her clit. With a whine, La’an arched her back at his touch. Jim kissed his way down her body, smiling against her belly at the noises he was drawing out of her with every move of his hand.

It didn’t take long. Her body had been on edge the entire night (the accidental touches had had their effect on her as well), and Jim worked her expertly, touching her exactly how she needed it. Needed him. She fell apart with his name on her lips, a sound which he immediately swallowed with a kiss. “You’re even more beautiful when you come undone beneath me,” he whispered hoarsely. La’an laughed as her heartrate slowly returned to normal and her breathing slowed down. Jim looked down at her with a big smile, removing his hand from between her legs (she didn’t whine at the loss, she did not).

“You’re entirely too good at that,” she said, when she finally caught her breath. Jim leant down, capturing her mouth in a soft kiss. It sent a tingle straight to her belly and her breath shuddered as she kissed him back languidly. “Jim…”

“I hope you’ll let me stay a little longer, because I – ” Jim said, moving to kiss her neck, “– am – ” kiss “– not – ” kiss “– done with you.” La’an couldn’t believe this was happening; not by any stretch of the imagination did she think she would’ve ended up with Jim Kirk in her quarters when she went to find him earlier today.

But she’d spent enough time underneath him for now. Grinning mischievously, she put her hands on his shoulders and flipped him over. He landed with an oof against the back of the couch. She climbed on his lap, putting her legs on either side of his thighs. His eyes were wide as he looked up at her, his hands landing on the back of her legs. “I hope you’ll stay a while,” La’an said, winding her hands in his hair and tilting his head back, “because I’m not done with you, either.” Then she slammed her mouth against his. His fingers dug into the flesh of her legs in response. She felt him groan as she nipped at his bottom lip, and another rush of power went through her.

“Fuck, La’an, you’re going to be the end of me,” he rasped when they broke apart. His hands slid a bit higher, grabbing her ass and pulling her closer still. “You know, it’s strange…” he continued, as he kept staring up into her eyes, hardly blinking. “…and this is going to sound like a line…but I have this really strange feeling that I know you – have known you for longer than tonight.”

La’an felt her heart begin to race. “Well, maybe we went to the Academy together.” It sounded flimsy, even to her. But there was no earthly – timely? – way that he had any memories of a timeline that never existed.

Jim shook his head, then raised his hand to cup her cheek. “I would definitely have remembered you. You are…mesmerizing.”

La’an blushed, but managed a laugh. “Okay, that was definitely a line.”

Then Jim smirked, and the weird deja-vu moment was over. “Alright, maybe,” he teased, pulling her down with a hand in her neck, “But I do mean it.” He kissed her again, sloppy and hungry, which she felt to the tips of her toes. She moaned into his mouth, causing his hips to jerk in response. “And I love the sounds you make. Can I please take you to bed now?”

La’an pushed herself up from his lap with more reluctance than she’d ever admit, and stood over him with her hands on her hips. “These are my quarters, Lieutenant Kirk. I believe I shall take you to bed.” Then she divested herself from her pants and tank top, and turned her back to him, walking towards her bed with an extra sway in her hips.

“Fuck,” she heard him mutter, before he scrambled to his feet and followed her.

Later La’an would blush and wonder how she’d ever gotten this bold. But she’d been driven out of her mind with want, and thoughts had a way of not taking root in her head. The only thing going through her head was how much she wanted him, and how much he seemed to want her. She turned to face him again, finding him closer than expected, which caused her breath to catch. Jim put his hands on her hips, pressed his forehead against hers, and everything seemed to slow down for a moment. They swayed like that together, breathing each other in, and La’an was hit again with that same feeling of rightness, of comfort, that she’d felt with his other self. She wondered if that meant anything. She also couldn’t get herself to unpack that right now. “Jim?”

“Mmm?”

“You’re wearing far too many clothes.”

Jim smirked. “Yes, ma’am.” Without any more protest, he undid his shirt and tossed it over his shoulder. Then he got rid of his pants, leaving only his boxers to give her imagination something to do.

La’an stared, breathless. She remembered seeing him in the dressing room after he took off the sweater, and feeling flustered and a little bit attracted to him. That same feeling overwhelmed her now. She remembered wanting to run her hands down the planes of his chest. And then she realized that she actually could now. He was breathing hard and she felt his breath hitch when she put her hands on his chest. As frantic as the first couple of minutes of this night had been, now they’d slowed it down. La’an’s senses were heightened more than usual, and she was extremely aware of every move Jim’s body made. Jim lifted his hand to her shoulder and slowly slipped his fingers underneath the strap of her bra, keeping his eyes fixed on hers. She gazed back, sure and unafraid, and allowed him to inch the strap down her arm. He leaned down and started trailing kisses over her shoulder in the wake of her bra strap, causing La’an’s breath to hitch. He then reached around and undid her bra with deft fingers. Her breath caught again as she allowed her bra to drop. Jim let his eyes roam across her, and La’an fought her instinct to cover herself up.

But he smiled, letting his large hands roam across the skin of her back. “You’re beautiful,” Jim whispered, before running a single finger across her nipple. La’an gasped, trembling. “You’re so reactive.” He sounded absolutely delighted by that fact. He was gazing down at her with a sly smirk.

La’an grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around and pushed him down onto the bed. “My turn,” she said, moving to straddle his hips. Jim immediately let his hands wander up her legs and to her hips, his own hips jerking involuntarily.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, his voice rough and gravelly. The sound went straight through her to a place low in her stomach, and La’an didn’t resist the urge to lean over him and kiss him senseless. When she rolled her hips, he groaned against her mouth, tightening his grip on her hips. “La’an…” The way he said her name drove her out of her mind. She had to do something right now, or she might just burst out of her skin. She climbed off him for a moment, and enjoyed the whine he let out at the loss of contact, but used the wider range of motion to rid herself of her underwear, and to start to work on his. He got the message quickly, and moved to help her. Then he immediately pulled her back on top of her, clearly as eager as she was to have as little space between them as possible.

He pulled her down to him for a searing kiss. Their bodies were practically flush together, naked skin to naked skin, but it wasn’t nearly enough. After months of wanting, La’an was aching for him in ways she hadn’t experienced in…well, maybe ever. He seemed to be feeling the same, because he put his hands on her hips as he broke the kiss, looking up at her, eyes blazing. “La’an, I need you,” he whispered, pulling her down against him by her hips, causing them both to groan at the contact.

“Jim…” she gasped, her hands flying to his hair. She lifted her hips, letting the tip of him slide through her folds. “God…”

Jim’s fingers tightened on her hips. “You’re so wet,” he gasped out. La’an leaned down to kiss him, and as she did so, she slowly lowered herself down on him. “Holy mother of God…” he groaned, his grip on her hips now bruising. La’an’s hands dug into the sheets underneath them in an effort to keep any semblance of control about her, but it was a losing battle. Even more so when he bucked his hips and slowly started moving.

I can’t believe this is actually happening, La’an thought, waves of pleasure washing over her as she pressed her face into his neck, moaning softly. She moved her hips slowly, in time with his thrusts, and it was almost torture. La’an couldn’t figure out if she needed things to speed up or if this slow, gentle pace was exactly what she needed. Maybe both could be true. Her brain was hardly supplying any helpful input, it was almost exclusively sending out static noise of pure pleasure. She was making a whole slew of noises which she could only sort of identity; she was pretty sure his name tumbled from her lips most frequently. He was muttering, too, sweet nothings and something dirtier in her ear as he kept thrusting, his hands coming up to bracket her face and kiss her again  “Jim…” she moaned, as he hit a particular spot inside of her, which caused her to throw her head back in ecstasy. “Jim, please…more…”

“More?” Jim said, hoarsely, sounding wrecked and smug at the same time. “Yes, ma’am, more coming right up.” In one smooth, fluid motion, he grabbed her around the waist and spun them around so that he was now hovering over her. They stared at each other for a moment, breaths laboured, and then Jim kissed her, running his hands up the sides of her body all the way to her hands, which he then pinned to the mattress above her head. La’an was never going to admit to the sound that escaped her mouth at that.

Their pace picked up after that. Their fingers entwined, and a broken moan came from Jim as he buried his face in her neck. They held onto each other as if letting go would mean being set adrift in the cold emptiness of space, and the only thing keeping them warm was the feel of each other’s bodies moving together, in sync, frantic, sloppy. La’an felt a pressure built somewhere behind her navel, but it wasn’t enough, not nearly enough, and she whined, not able to put words to what she wanted. It was like Jim read her mind though. He let one of her hands go and slipped his now free hand between their bodies to again find her clit. His fingers moved expertly, and this was what La’an was missing. The only sounds coming out of her mouth now were disjointed words, moans and sometimes his name. She had no control over what her brain and her body were doing, and it was wonderful. For the first time in a long, long time, her overactive brain was minding its own business, allowing her to enjoy everything happening to her body right now. “Come on, La’an…” Jim whispered in her ear, at which the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. “Come with me…”

And that was it.

With a sob, La’an crashed over some invisible precipice, wrapping her arms around Jim’s neck to anchor herself. Her own orgasm seemed to trigger his; he followed not two seconds after, capturing her lips in a bruising kiss, swallowing her cries.

Slowly, very slowly, La’an’s consciousness returned to her, finding Jim with his face pressed against her chest, still gasping, and yet also managing to press kisses to her damp skin in between. La’an couldn’t for the life of her remember the last time she had been so satisfied; her entire body was buzzing with electricity, overly sensitive to even the lightest touch in the best way.

Jim was the first one to find his voice. Sort of. “That…that was…” He was still breathing hard, and he seemed to have difficulty focussing. He lifted his head to look at her, his eyes shining bright, his brows slightly furrowed as if confused. “Jesus,” he breathed, before surging up to kiss her again. La’an, sated and content, felt a slight tug in her stomach as he did; his kisses were phenomenal.

La’an was the first to find her voice and to be able to form actual sentences. “So, that happened,” she said, her voice surprisingly steady. Jim nodded, laughing softly, as he nuzzled her cheek. He seemed uneager to move off of her, but she was also feeling the height and weight difference he had on her. She pushed his shoulder lightly, and, getting the hint, he rolled off of her. She followed him immediately however, giving in to the desire to stay close to him. She rested her head on his chest as his arm came around her, pulling her close. He burried his nose in her hair, which sent a whole new flock of butterflies through La’an’s belly.

They were silent for a long time, both of them coming down from their high, both of them basking in the pleasure of what had just tranpsired. It was Jim who broke the silence first. “Are you alright?” he asked.

La’an frowned, looking up at him, finding him looking slightly worried. “What do you mean?” She raised her hand to run a finger down the side of his face, a movement which had Jim leaning into the touch.

“Just that I can…forget myself, sometimes.” Jim closed his eyes for a moment before looking straight at her. “I’m sure Sam has told you that my feelings can get the better of me. Make me…impulsive sometimes. Unthinking.” He slipped his hand in her neck, his thumb stroking the side of his face. “I hope I didn’t…”

“Hurt me?” La’an supplied. She smiled when he nodded, turning her head to kiss the palm of his hand. “Jim…what about me says ‘I will let someone hurt me without repercussions’?”

Jim stared at her for a second, stunned, but then burst into laughter. “That’s a valid point, Lieutenant La’an Noonien-Singh.”

La’an pushed herself up on one arm so she could look down at him. “So, Lieutenant James Tiberius Kirk, why don’t you just shut up and kiss me before you say something else ridiculous?”

Jim moved his hand into her hair and tightened his grip, making La’an gasp. The fire that had been doused for a few minutes raged again in her stomach, and La’an’s lips parted. Jim’s eyes flicked down, his gaze darkening. “Yes, ma’am,” he said, his voice low, and then he pulled her down hard, crushing his mouth to hers. La’an swung her leg over his torso and got settled. “Comfortable?” he asked with a grin when they broke apart for a few moments.

La’an put her hands on his chest to keep him down against the mattrass, teasing him a little. “Very.” She moved her hands up to his hair, winding her hands in the soft strands, and then tightening her grip. He moaned softly, which delighted La’an to no end. “Mmm, ready for round two, Lieutenant Kirk?”

Jim smiled up at her, his hands moving up to her bare breasts. La’an gasped, arching into his touch. “Very much so, Lieutenant Noonien-Singh.”

Laughing, La’an leaned back down to kiss him.

Round two.

#star trek snw #strange new worlds #snw fanfic #snw ff #ka'an fanfic #ka'an #ka'an ff #lilysfics #lenievi #i have struggled with the smut until 4am yesterday #and all day today

[chiefnooniensingh]

Let go, be vulnerable

Summary: Sparring fic for Jim and La'an.

A/N: For the sake of ease, we're going to ignore the bomb Kirk dropped in 2x09.

Rating: T

A03

La’an had a way of making life very difficult for herself.

And it’s not like the universe didn’t conspire against her to already make her life difficult. But then she’d run into a problem of a more...personal nature, she would self-sabotage, and wind up with a whole new host of problems.

Case in point: falling for a certain Lieutenant right after losing an alternate timeline version of him.

‘Love was best kept at a distance’ had been her mantra since she’d lost her whole family on that breeding planet. She was not ready to allow it closer.

James Kirk, however, seemed to be everywhere now. For someone not assigned to the Enterprise, the man appeared in the Transporter Room more than was usual. Sometimes, when she went to find some food in the mess hall, he'd be sitting at the bar with his brother, or Uhura, or someone else, laughing and sharing a drink. Once, she'd even gone up to one of the Jeffries Tubes to fix a broken conduit only to find him fixing it. She broke the record of climbing out of Jeffries Tube 6 that day.

A more paranoid person would assume he was following her around.

A less paranoid person would assume he was just there for his brother and new-found friends.

Which meant La’an bounced between those two sides of her constantly, unsure what to think, and annoyed that she even cared. This Kirk wasn't her James. She should be able to separate her feelings. It's what she'd done most of her life, separating feelings from reality to survive. The way this man had slid his way behind that wall of hers irritated her to no end.

So, when she’d seen him in the mess hall again, La’an headed to the training hall, her mind a swirling, chaotic mess, and her body coursing with restless energy. If she couldn’t get rid of that energy in the way she actually wanted, she could at least try to take it out on a punching bag. The bag was hard, and the pain distracted her well enough. That is, of course, until a voice rudely interrupted her blissful moment of not thinking.

“La’an Noonien-Singh,” James Tiberius Kirk said, startling her out of her reverie. Eyes wide, she whirled around, ready to defend herself against unwanted person or persons. He wasn’t exactly unwanted but seeing him didn’t exactly fill her with joy. She kept her distance for a reason. He was leaning against the wall next to the door, hands folded across his chest as he regarded her. He pushed off from the wall when their eyes met, pointing at her with something akin to mirth in his eyes. “You have been avoiding me.”

“I have not,” she said, breathing hard, painfully aware of the drops of sweat trailing down the side of her face.  This was not the way she wanted to have a conversation with him. She wished he would stop moving closer.

“Yes, you have,” Kirk said, unzipping the jacket he’d been wearing and tossing it aside. It left him in just his tank top, and that pissed La’an off even more. The man had no decency. “So, if you are not going to have a drink with me, you can at least spar with me.” He picked up some gloves, put them on and took position across from her. Sighing, she crossed her arms, cocking her head at him. “What?” he asked, a smirk playing around his stupid mouth in response to her open-mouthed silence.

“We’re not going to…” La’an started, but then shut her mouth promptly. Every single excuse that crossed her mind seemed feeble to her, and none of them explained why she couldn’t be in close proximity to him. She groaned, then raised her hands, widening her stance. “Fine, then. But I won’t be responsible for any injuries.”

Kirk raised his hands with a smile. “I promise I won’t complain.”

La’an nodded, steeling her nerves, and focusing her energy into her body, getting ready for a fight. She looked him up and down, scanning his posture for weak spots. He seemed to be doing the same, and for a moment they circled each other, like predators stalking their prey. His smile was gone, his eyes singularly focused on her, sizing her up. In the end, it was his patience that snapped first. He lurched forward, his fist flying at her face wildly, but with precision, and La’an stepped backwards to avoid it, immediately spinning around, getting inside his defence, and landing a punch square in his jaw. He grunted, bringing his hand up to his face, and looking at her with a grin. “Impressive.”

La’an smirked sardonically. “Never underestimate me, Lieutenant.”

Kirk pursed his lips, rubbing his jaw once before returning to his fighting position. “Duly noted.” His gaze refocused; any trace of mirth gone. He was paying attention now, and La’an knew he might actually prove a worthy opponent.

He lunged at her again, this time going for her side with a punch that she blocked, but it hadn’t been his intended target. As she slapped his fist away, his other hand shot out to grab her outstretched arm, his fingers wrapping securely around her wrist. He twisted, forcing her to turn her back to him to not dislocate her shoulder, and she gasped. She sank to one knee immediately, her shoulder stretching painfully, but the move caught him off guard. She kicked her leg backwards, catching his ankle. Grunting in pain, he released her wrist as he fell to the floor. La’an spun around and lashed out with a sharp left hook, which sent him sprawling to the mat. He lay there for a moment, catching his breath, and briefly, La’an was convinced he’d give up. But then she heard him laugh. “Damn, Lieutenant,” he said, as he sat up and wiped a bit of blood from his bottom lip. “Quite a left hook you’ve got there.”

“I survived against the Gorn,” she said smoothly while he regained his footing. “Four separate times.” She inspected the way he rose to his feet and settled himself back in a fighting stance. He was tilting slightly to the left, not putting all his weight on the ankle she’d kicked out from under him. She smirked at him, and his eyes lit up. It made him more handsome, and La’an’s stomach lurched in response. Which was annoying. Smoothing her face into a perfect mask to hide her feelings, she went for his neck, trying to get her arm around his throat. He evaded her attack smoothly, dropping low to aim a jab at her sternum. La’an jumped out of the way, grabbing his wrist, and turning his arm on his back. He hissed, but pulled his arm free through the pain, spinning away from her. They reset their positions across from each other. Her shoulder was still aching, but he was now rolling his shoulder and his ankle, trying to fight the pain. Kirk grinned wildly, as if there was nothing more he’d rather do than get his ass handed to him by her. “Something amusing, Lieutenant?” she said, flexing her fingers. There was something happening inside of her, a warmth spreading from the pit of her stomach to the tips of her toes and the crown of her head. It took her a while to understand the feeling, but as he looked back up at her with his ridiculous grin she realized; she was enjoying herself. Sparring with him was fun, because he gave as good as he got, didn’t hold back on her nor was he afraid of her.

Kirk raised a single shoulder but didn’t answer before lashing out at her again. A long series of jabs and punches followed, which they both mostly blocked. Kirk fought furiously, energetically, despite his injured ankle and shoulder. La’an felt herself being driven backwards, and she was so busy with blocking him, that she forgot to mind her surroundings. La’an gasped when her back hit a wall, against which he crowded her immediately. She tried a punch, but he was too close, and he was able to grab her wrist and swiftly pulled it up to pin it against the wall. Her other hand came up to push him away, but he did the same with that hand. Which found La’an in a very uncomfortable position with her arms raised above her head, him towering over her, crowding her space. They were both breathing hard, and La’an stared up at him. He was looking down at her, his grin gone, his eyes wide as their faces were mere inches from each other. La’an couldn’t think, for a moment convinced he was going to kiss her, or that she would. But then he grinned again. “Yield,” he said, his voice soft and breathy. La’an saw his eyes flick from her lips back to her eyes. And La’an knew what she had to do.

She leaned forward, almost closing the distance between them, and Kirk’s eyes widened even more. “Jim…” she whispered, enjoying the way he stopped breathing for a moment…

And then she hooked her leg around his, pulling his bad leg from under him, causing him to stumble backwards, letting go of her wrists in surprise. She stepped in, put her foot on his knee, pushed off hard, and pushed him over with a knee to his chest. He hit the mat hard, slamming the air from his lungs, and La’an landed on top of him with her knee pressed against his chest, her fist raised very close to his face. La’an grinned at him when he blinked up at her in surprise. “Yield, Lieutenant,” she said, as breathless as he had been.

His eyes were trained on her face, he was barely blinking as he took in his predicament. La’an ignored the way his body moved beneath her with every breath he took. For a few seconds, he tried to get out of her grip, but it quickly proved useless, and he smiled. “You win, Lieutenant,” he said with a wink, and he relaxed, defeated. La’an removed her knee from his chest, but before she could move off him, he grabbed her arms to keep her where she was. Her legs landed on either side of his hips, and his hands moved from her arms to her hips, where they stayed and seemed to burn holes in her clothes. La’an was staring down at him, momentarily forgetting that he was injured and that she should probably take him to Sickbay. He was panting, grinning wildly up at her, looking for all the world as if he was very comfortable pinned beneath her. La’an’s breathing was laboured as well, but she was sure the physical exertion had little to do with it. She became acutely aware of his body beneath her, and his…interesting physical reaction to her being on top of him. She gasped softly. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, to distract him and her from what was happening, but she didn’t get the chance. Quick as lightning, Kirk suddenly reached up to put his hand in her neck and pull her down to him. Before she had time to protest, his mouth crashed against hers in a hungry kiss. La’an gasped against him, but her body immediately responded. She pressed closer, her hands landing on the mat beside Kirk’s head. The kiss was hungry, fuelled by the residual adrenaline of their sparring. After months of figuring herself out, of understanding what feelings were left over from the deleted timeline, and what feelings were fully settled in the present, with this Jim Kirk, a new feeling washed over La’an now: hunger. The kind of hunger that food wouldn’t be able to sate.

Kirk’s hands began trailing their way up from her hips, up her sides, all the way to cup her face, and La’an nearly melted with how gentle he was being, even when the evidence of his own hunger was very apparent between her legs. Suddenly, he bucked his hips up, throwing off her balance, and he took advantage of that to roll her over, pinning her on the mat beneath him. She let out an embarrassing whine when he broke their kiss, but it turned into a soft moan when he started focussing his attention to her neck.

This was insane, she thought. They’d barely talked, hardly knew each other, and they were going at it like people possessed. “So, you go from trying to get me to have a drink with you, to this?” La’an said, her voice barely audible as he kept trailing kisses down the side of her neck, causing goosebumps to erupt in his wake. She ran her hands through his hair, which was annoyingly soft.

He chuckled against her skin, and La’an’s entire body flushed with heat. “I know. This is insane, but I just…can’t…stop…” He worked his way back up and claimed her mouth again, his hand moving up to run his fingers through her hair.

La’an had never felt so turned on in her life; her body was constantly bombarded with new feelings and sensations, the heat from his body and attention flooding her every sense and nerve-endings. She wasn’t sure what she needed, but she knew she needed it fast. Which is why she let out an uncharacteristically impatient whine when her communicator beeped. “Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, report to the Bridge,”came Una’s voice.

Kirk managed to tear himself away from her, pushing himself up to look into her eyes, breathing hard. “You need to go,” he said, his voice raspy.

La’an nodded. Neither made to get up. “You’d need to get off me first.”

Kirk blinked, breaking their eye contact and shaking his head as if to clear it. “Right, of course.” He moved off her and got to his feet, extending his hand to her and pulling her up. He pulled harder than strictly necessary, and she bumped into his chest as she was yanked to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her waist, capturing her mouth in one more searing kiss. “Have that drink with me tonight, Lieutenant,” Jim said, breathlessly, as he pulled back. La’an stared up at him for moment, wondering if this was actually happening. Things like this didn’t happen to regular people. This happened in novels and movies, not real life. And yet, here Jim was, looking at her with a longing in his eyes that she could only imagine was mirrored in her own.

So, leaning into the moment, La’an reached up to brush her fingers against his cheek. His eyes closed momentarily. A small smile flashed across his face. La’an felt a rush of power go through her. “I get off at 20:00 hours.” She saw a salacious grin appear on his face and she slapped her hand over his mouth, stopping the cheeky comment he was about to make. “Don’t be late, Lieutenant.”

Then she stepped out of his arms, turning around and leaving him looking a bit dumbstruck. Then he grinned. “Yes, ma’am,” he said, just as La’an exited the training hall.

La’an grinned, too.

#star trek #star trek snw #strange new worlds #snw #ka'an #la'an noonien singh #james t kirk #la'an x kirk #ka'an ff #ka'an fic #ka'an fanfic #star trek ff #star trek fanfic #lilysfics

[lillianwrites]

Soft And Sweet

•this is short sorry•

•fluff•

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His best friend was walking next to him, beanie falling over his entire forehead, as he said, it was ‘trendy.’ Unlike Dan’s green robes and scarf, Phil was wearing yellow, the color matching his personality. Dan never thought he was going to be friends with a hufflepuff, who was half born, and far too happy for a normal person. Dan was just so different, and sometimes he was reminded of that by his friends, who liked to talk about Phil behind his back, because they knew if they said it in front of Dan, they’d have a problem, and no one wanted on Dans bad side, that was just stupid.

He could feel the shivering of Phil, who pouted his lip out, looking at Dan. “It’s too cold.” He said.

Dan laughed, smiling at his friend, and shoved him. “This was your idea, because you’d rather face harsh weather than get on Snape’s to kill list.” He said.

Phil nodded. “He would end me Dan, he’d cut off my head and stuff it, put it on the wall to scare the others. Maybe he’s a vampire…” Phil trailed off, smirking as Dan doubled over wheezing. Dan shook his head, pushing Phil again. “You can't just say that, goodness Phil.”

Phil chuckled a bit, rolling his eyes. The pair walked into the castle, looking around to make sure filch wasn't around, even if it wasn't curfew just yet, he would find a reason to give them a detention. The castle was cold inside, but the candles gave a twinge if warmth as they walked down the stairs, Dan giggling as the stairs moved, holding onto Phil maybe a little too long, but if Phil noticed, he didn't say anything.

The Slytherin common room was cold and smelled like firewood and a strange musky scent. Outside the porthole window, they saw the Giant Squid swim by peacefully. In the corner, along with two green armchairs, was a fireplace, with a fire roaring inside, giving off warmth and the smell of burning wood. They made their way over, ignoring the whispered insults and the glares as Phil joined Dan in sitting down. They both pulled their potions homework out, sighing as they began to write the essays.

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By the time they were done, Phil was whining about being tired, and Dan was laughing, saying he could stay in his dormitory again tonight, this was a ritual by now.

Once they made it in the small room with four beds, they unmade the bed, Dan going to brush his teeth while Phil got in, yawning. When Dan came back he crawled into bed, and if they laid too close for a decent sized, well god was their only witness. His roommates never slept in here when Phil stayed. The bed was warm and comfortable, amd with sleepy eyes and tired sighs, they scooted closer, closing the small spot beside them, and slowly went to sleep, Phil curled up with his head on Dans chest.

#lilllianwrites #lilysfics #phan prompt #phanfic #phanfic au #phan drabble #phan fluff #phanfiction

[lillianwrites]

Je T’ai Eu

Prompt: I’ve got you, okay? You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Word Count: 876

Genre: Angst, Fluff.

A/N: So i’ve had a lot of trouble lately in writing, i've lost my confidence in how i write, and if people even enjoy my writing. I'm writing this in hopes that it will help me get over this, and also help me not care exactly how many people see and enjoy my fics.

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When Phil had gone to his parents house, playing cards with his family and enjoying the break, he had asked Dan if he was going to be okay considering it was spooky week, and if he was being honest, Dan had the tendency to scare himself to the point of crying. They had already gotten some videos out, but Dan would have to do one without Phil, and Dan was terrified as to what he was going to do, especially since he had already bought the game, and it was supposed to be terrifying, hell he knew it was.

Why he had chosen Outlast, he didn't know. Guessing, he probably just wanted to prove Phil that he could play a game without the older man glued to his side for christ sakes. Dan was a grown man, he shouldn't have to have someone with him to play a stupid game. But by the time the game was over, and the lights were on, Dan wasn't so sure about that. What was he going to do if a murderer broke in that night? He didn't have Phil next to him to wake up and check it out, before coming back to Dan scared in the bed, chuckle, and assure him it was just a bug because they opened the windows earlier. Phil wouldn't come back, kiss his head and cuddle him tonight.

Deciding he was only going to scare himself far too much if he kept this up, he decided to edit in the morning, before running down the stairs shutting the light off. The smell of Phils room comforted him as he turned the light off slowly, and ran and jumped into the bed, slowly closing his eyes.

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A loud thump from somewhere down stairs woke Dan up, whose eyes shot open so fast it was even comical. By the time he was even sort of comprehensible, he heard another thump, this time louder, before it started happening more and more. It took him a minute to realize it was the sound of something being dragged up the stairs, slowly.

The thought made his stomach queasy, his body already shaking as he quietly got up and walked behind the door, shaking but hoping it would give him the upper hand if the intruder were to open his bedroom. Sure enough, he heard a few more thumps, slow as ever, before he heard steady footprints through the hall, and then a door slowly opening with a creak. It took him a minute to realize it was His room that was being opened, but when he heard the door close and footsteps walk across the hall.

Dan felt frozen, standing behind the door. What was he going to do, someone was breaking into their house, Dan was going to die. He would never tell Phil that he loved him again,would never kiss him and call him a spork. He just hopes Phil wont spend forever sad and alone,he deserved more than that.

The door slowly creaked open slowly, and then footsteps walked in, and the door quickly was closed, the figure dressed in all black turned around slowly, and Dan's breathe caught and his eyes closed tightly, preparing himself for what was about to happen, before the figure spoke.

“Dan?”

The familiar voice scared Dan out of his panic. His eyes quickly shot open, taking in the body and face of his boyfriend, who looked worried, and scared.

Dan was letting out small breaths, looking over at him. He felt tears fall down his face. Dan wasn't sure he was breathing, he could feel himself trying, but he felt so lightheaded.

Phil slowly walked over, his hands held up as he sat next to his boyfriend, who had rolled down the wall slowly, tears streaming as he took in the fact that he wasn't about to die, this wasn’t some strange stalker, just his boyfriend who had arrived early. Maybe he was in shock.

Phil chewed his lip anxiously, trying to whisper gentle things, hoping it would calm dan down, he wasn't sure touching him would be a good thing, he's pretty sure he's heard that people in shock can be set back farther if touched, and that was the last thing Phil wanted. He was confused, why was Dan even behind the door? And why is he crying now? Had something happened while he was gone?

By the time Dan had finally calmed down a bit, Phil was considering calling someone, as he wasn't sure what to do. When Dan was able to see, hear, and breathe again, he looked over a Phil, tearful eyes showing how much fear he had gone through.

“i thought someone was breaking in, i was scared i wasn't gonna see you again, that i was gonna die stuck in this house alone..” He said before breaking into sobs again.

Phil immediately grabbed his distraught boyfriend into a hug, whispering “I’ve got you, okay? You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

As they sat in the hallway, Phil realized exactly how much they cared for each other, and he knew Dan was gonna be just fine, he had Phil there to cuddle him now.

#lilllianwrites #lilysfics #phanfiction #phandom #phanfic #phanfic au #phan prompt

[lillianwrites]

Twilight Night

A|n: I’m not sorry. 

genre: fluff fluff fluff

warnings: if you hate twilight don’t read. 

Summary: Dan and Phil finally watch the Twilight movies.

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The flat was filled with the scent of the the Flannel candle Phil had bought, and the sounds of the microwave as Phil made popcorn. Dan was currently in the lounge, getting together all of the movies they’re planning to watch tonight. The boys were already laughing at their plan for tonight, even though Dan said no when Phil suggested it a week ago. They were determined to watch all of the Twilight movies, Unironically, of course, according to Dan, who didn’t want to be associated with the movies or books or anything. He just didn’t like them for some reason.

The two men had never sat and watched them all, only seeing snippets while at friends or families flats. Of course in America Twilight was huge, and if they were to tell their fans they had never seen them all, they'd surely lose some subscribers. But tonight this all changed. Tonight they were going to watch them all, regardless of the stakes and what were to happen, and Dan would suck it up to make his husband happy.

The microwave beeped, and Phil took the bag out and placed it in a giant bowl, putting in a second bag. Across the flat, Phil called out for Dan to get the wine and glasses ready while he got the butter for the popcorn. His husband walked into the kitchen, squeezing past Phil with a pinch to his bum, causing Phil to gasp and swat playfully at Dan, before turning back to his doings. Dan pulled out the red wine from the fridge, opening it and pouring a sizable amount into the glasses. He winked at Phil before heading back to the lounge with the glasses, Phil With a bowl of the popcorn in hand.

“So are you ready for the thrill of the werewolf, human, vampire love triangle?” Dan asked as he sat the glasses on the coffee table, Phil doing the same with the bowl. Both sat on the couch, Phil laying his head on Dans shoulder, who grabbed the controller and pressed the start option. The movie started with Bella's voice over, and Dan was already rolling his eyes, but Phil was watching with intent, hand shoveling a mouthful of popcorn, listening.

When it cut to the scene of Edward staying in Bella's room while she slept, Dan made a face, and Phil could tell he was about to say something, so thinking fast, he stuffed some popcorn in his lover's mouth before paying attention to the talking on the Tv.

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About halfway into the second movie, New Moon,and Dan was pissed.”I mean she doesn't care about her own life? It's suddenly not important at all if she dies because of some boy, instead of caring about god forbid her father or friends who are trying? Not Jessica though, Jess is a bitch.” He was ranting now, but Phil just looked at him, that look in his eyes, that said he wouldn't trade this for anything. The love he felt for his dramatic partner was almost undefeatable, and Phil was used to this by this time in their relationship.

Once the rant was over, they finished the movie, Dan huffing in distaste for the girl who was so oblivious to what's important on this earth. Dan was glaring at the tv now, but Phil was downing the rest of the wine and pouring some more in their glasses, before getting up and putting in the third movie.

Phil was chuckling, pouting over at his husband,and saying “so if i left, you wouldn't act like that?” That shut Dan up, and the younger mans cheeks tinted pink as he cuddled up to Phil, enjoying the warmth of his lover.

The wine was gone by the time the real action started, popcorn not even lasting the first thirty minutes. Their cheeks were rosy by the middle of the movie, giggling soft and sweet as they got lost in the other, completely forgetting about the movie playing, action being silenced by Phil kissing Dans forehead, Dans giggling,and how he was smiling into Phils chest. If they made out all through the end, well that didn't matter for now, did it? They were adults, but felt like teenagers.

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The fourth movie had disturbed Phil, hiding his face at the scenes with bella in them, saying no human should ever look like that, and by the end he had tears in his eyes, and dan was looking over teasing him with his eyes. They both gave odd looks on jacob imprinting over the baby, but shook it from their minds as the credits rolled around.

By the fifth and final movie, Phil's eyes were drooping but Dan was watching intently, every once in a while shouting and causing Phil to jump, but eventually Phil was fast asleep and the  movie was over. Deciding not to wake his husband up, Dan slowly laid Phil down to lay flat, and cuddled up to him. Maybe it wasn't super comfortable, but that wasn't what mattered right now. What mattered was Phils mouth open ever so slightly, and Dans soft eyes couldn't look away from the face he was so desperately in love with.

#lilysfics #lillianwrites #phanfic #phanfiction #phandom #phan #fic #fiction #fanfiction #fluff #twilight #phan fluff

[lillianwrites]

Sad Hearts And Black Eyes (chapter 3)

A/N: It took me so long, but the new chapter is officially here, hope you all enjoy!

Words: 3,524

When Daniel and Phil got back to the old motel, it was dark and cold outside, not a single person outside walking, hell, there was barely anyone in cars. Phil had told Daniel on the drive back his real name, and how he got into the hunting business, and surprisingly Daniel had took it well, whispering a small “Phil” in that voice that just drove Phil crazy. He didn't think daniel was aware of how attractive he really was, and that was amazing to Phil.

The motel beds were old and dusty as Phil sat down, it made a creaking groan under the pressure, but Phil paid no mind to that as he gestured to Daniel to the other bed, before pulling his phone from his duffel bag and dialing the number on his favorites.

“Whatcha need boy-” He heard Bobby say, the slur of his voice a familiarity to Phil.

“Bobby, i'm done in Kingston, i was working a case with a preacher getting killed by a demon, then this ghost showed up, heading after his son since the mother was dead and he was the only close relatives. Just finished this one up and i was hoping i could possibly head down there, visit and check in on a few things.” Phil said, getting up with a huff and beginning to pace around the small motel room. To his left, Daniel was looking through a book Phil had left sitting on the desk in the corner, it contained every known fact and legend on Wendigos, and how to hunt and kill them.

He heard Bobby sigh through the phone, and then the rough voice was saying “Boy you know damn well you are welcome here anytime. We got Dean, Sam, and Castiel down right now actually, and Ellen and Jo will be here by tomorrow, so you'll get to see everyone. Dean says he needs to kick your ass again.”

Phil laughed, happy to hear his family was there and he would get to see them. But something was keeping him from being excited, because Daniel was now a part of his life, and for whatever small reason, the thought of never seeing, or even just leaving Daniel for a day, scared him.And that scared him even more, he's never felt like this before, ad he wasn't sure what to do with the new feelings.

He looked over, to where Daniel Had put the book down and was now looking at Phil with a strange expression. God Phil had to be careful, he could get lost in the soft feature s of the boy, with his pretty brown eyes and permanent rosy cheeks, and wow he needed to answer Bobby.

“sounds great Bobby, i'm gonna pack up and then get some sleep. See you tomorrow morning, bye.”

The sound of the phones dial tone filled the air as Phil looked up again and met Daniels eyes, and Phil was positive there was sadness inside those eyes.  They looked at each other and Phil wasn't sure what to say, how to say bye, how to say anything at all. How was he to say goodbye to the person he only just got.Yet he couldn't say that, Daniel wasn't his, Daniel wasn't his to hold, kiss, or do other things that aren't so Hallmark channel friendly. Phil was confused on his next move, until he remembered a quote his old elementary school teacher had told him.

“Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage, and i promise something great will come of it.”

“Come with me.” Phil said standing up and walking over to Daniel. Daniel looked at him, shocked and confused. “What? Where? What are you talking about Phil?” He asked looking up at Phil through those eyelashes, and yeah, Phil could live with having to protect him for the rest of his life, if it meant looking into those eyes forever, wow was he being lame.

“Come with me, i'll keep you safe, travel with me.” He said looking at Daniel, scared to what the boy was going to say, he was looking ta Phil with a strange expression, but he didn't look disgusted, so Phil was going to take that as a good sign, so he decided to continue.

“I mean, obviously just because it's dangerous out there for you now, i could protect you, you could come with me, you'd always have a place to stay, food to eat, and i would make sure you're okay. Plus, it gets a bit boring out here alone.” He finished. He was pacing now, looking at his suitcase, before looking back at Daniel, who was grinning in the slightest.

“Okay, yes god i'll go with you, but what will i tell everyone? Wouldn't it be suspicious?” Daniel asked, looking up at Phil before standing up, admittedly not adding much height, but better than being at Phils knees.

Phil thought for a minute before nodding “I'll talk to the police station, say i'm taking you to your close relatives, then we just leave, they won’t question me.” He said. He watched Daniel nod, so he said “Go ahead and pack.” before packing a few of his things, so excited but also scared that Daniel was going to be with him. It was unbelievable to believe he had caught emotions for someone who wasn't even trying, he wasn't wearing lingerie and calling him names, he wasn't offering sex or booze, he was just being Daniel, and god did Phil find that attractive. One could hardly blame him for wanting to bend him over the table an do blasphemous things to him. Yet Phil couldn't, he doesnt think he could be the one to ruin something so pure and soft.

Once the two were finished packing everything but the clothes for tomorrow, Phil headed over to the light switch, getting ready to turn it off, but Daniel was walking over, eyes nervous as he stopped in front of Phil. “Phil, could i know more about you? I'm kinda scared to just leave with someone when i've known them for forty eight hours, and only just learned their name.”

Phil wanted to just grab Daniels face and squish it, but he wanted to keep up his reputation, he was Phil Lester, strippers across the nation remembered his name, bartenders and cops, he's saved more people single handedly, than the entire FBI, why was he being a giant fucking sap over some barely not jailbait kid? What was he to do however? Half of him, the better part of him, wanted to see where this could go, see if this could crush could actually be something more than Phils dick talking, but the other part just wanted to shut it down, dont let it bloom because a flower could catch on fire, and turn into a wildfire so beyond controllable it hurts people. Phil didn't want to fall victim to that fire. Feelings were Phils worst attribute, he wasn't like Dean, he didn't have a brother to punch him when he was being an unsensibe

Phil wasn't sure what part to listen to, and he didn't know if he even had a middle ground, god this is what Bobby meant when he said they had as many emotions as a potato. Daniel was staring at him now, eyes brown and slightly untrusting, and god Phil never wanted to see Daniel afraid, most definitely not of him. Sighing he walked over to the bed and sat down, gingerly patting down the spot next to him. Maybe he could spare a few facts if it made Daniel happy.

“well, what would you like to know?” he asked, watching as Daniel slowly walked over to him and sat down. The boy paused for a moment, before saying “Why did you become a hunter?”

Phil forze for a second, not sure how he was going to explain the story. “When my dad died, i took over.” he said, hoping that was a good enough answer. Daniel nodded, before asking another question. “Why are you really letting me go with you?” This one however, Phil didn't know how to answer, sap or asshole, no middle ground. he waited another moment before saying “Look kid, if you stay here alone, you'll be dead meat. I don't wanna see you hanging off some tree dead, or with your guts on the floor. You wouldn't last a day now that monsters know you're out there.” He finished. Asshole it was.

Daniel paused, and Phil could see the shining in the boys eyes, most likely from the reminder of how his father died. Letting out a soft sniffle, Daniel nodded his head, getting up and heading to turn off the light before Phil heard the other bed creak, and then silence. Phil sighed getting under the covers, it was gonna be a long night for him.

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By the time 10:00am rolled around, Phil was exhausted, and Daniel was almost back to sleep, even after being woken up three times. The sun was beyond bright through the white curtains,and he was so tired he honestly didn't know if it would be safe to drive. He had stayed awake all night, wondering what was going to happen now, they would go to Bobby's, stay there for a day or two, find a hunt, and life would continue on, they would go on, and be normal, well except for Daniel, Phil would teach him how to deal with it, how to protect himself,but he would never ask him to hunt, Phil doesn't know what he would do if he got used to Daniel, only to have him ripped apart by the very thing that took every Phil seems to care about.

When Daniel finally rolled out of bed with a huff, Phil grabbed his duffel bag and went to the car, throwing it in the trunk, before going back into the room and and doing the same with Daniels suitcase. When he was finished, he walked in yet again, this time to Daniel stepping out, fully dressed, but with wet, curly, and unruly hair. He looked over at Phil, before putting on his shoes, and nodding at Phil, whispering a small “I’m ready.” before he was walking out of the room and to the car. With a sigh, Phil looked around the room, before joining him, to Bobby's they went.

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The drive was awkward, to say the least, they rarely spoke, but thankfully, Daniel liked the music Phil had on, so there wasn't a problem with just driving, riding, and listening. By the time they hit the junkyard he calls home, it was close to 12:00pm, and Phil could feel his eyes weighing down. He pulled the car in, smiling at the 67 Chevy Impala sitting next to them, if he hadn't had such a damn good car, he'd be jealous of Deans baby, alas his car was the best in his opinion, and nothing could convince him otherwise.

Phil opened his door, stepping out and wincing at the brightness, he heard the other door open and then close shut with a slam. Daniel stepped over, eyes scanning around, clearly nervous and unsure. Phil tried to tell himself it was the new surrounding and not being with Phil that made him hold that look.

Deciding he wanted to make amends, Phil held his hand out, trying to ignore the look he got before Daniels small and soft hand fitted into his. He heard him take a deep breath, before Phil was walking them to the door, and knocking with three hard thuds. He heard yelling in the house, before fast footsteps, and then dean was there in front of him, cat grin on his face as he immediately pulled Phil into a gigantic hug. “Whats up Philly?” He asked.

He finally pulled back, and realized there was someone standing next to Phil, looking awkward and scared, ready to run almost. He gave him a strange look, but before he could say anything, Phil was explaining, he really didn't need Dean asking questions with his fat mouth.

“This is Daniel, i helped him with a ghost problem yesterday, he's gonna ride with me for now on.” He said, not liking the look in Deans eyes, as he began to open his mouth however, they heard heavier footsteps, and then Sam was pushing Dean away, and Pulling Phil into an even bigger hug, and damn, when did he get taller than Phil? Daniel must have felt like a goddamn fairy compared to sam, and for all he knew, he probably actually did.

“Dean leave them alone,come in, Bobby's in the living room, calling the world a bunch of idjits again.” Sam laughed out, before leading them inside.

The house smelled like he remembered, like old beer and salt. They walked through the house and into the living room, where Bobby was sitting, staring at Castiel, who looked equally confused, you'd be surprised how often this actually happens. When Bobby and Castiel saw sight of them, they both stood up and walked over, Castiel letting Bobby go first. The last time he had hugged Bobby, he was worried he wasn't going to see him again,with everything happening with the apocalypse, he wasn't so sure either was going to see each other again, the world was going crazy, so he enjoyed the hug, and let himself close his eyes, taking in that all his family was still alive. Once Bobby let go, he shook castiel's hand ‘that strange angel’ before he was looking around to Bobby.

“Wheres ellen and jo?” He asked, looking at  the people around him. Bobby shrugged, looking at his phone. “They should be here by the hour, if not i'll call and make sure they're okay. Now, who is this?” He asked, looking at Daniel, who stood scared, arms crossed over his chest.

“He’s the pastor's son, Daniel, we've decided he's going to travel with me, i hope you don't mind him staying with me here, we’ll be heading off most likely by tomorrow, since i've been meaning to go see a old client for a while.” Phil said, smiling when Bobby nodded, holding his hand out to Daniel, who shook it awkwardly before offering a small smile.

When everyone had calmed down, they all sat down to watch some tv and chat, but by the time an hour had passed, Dean was getting up and walking over to him. “Hey man, can we go for a walk.” He asked, and when Phil nodded, they headed outside, leaving everyone inside. As they got out of the door, Phil became worried, because Dean didn't usually offer to talk, it was always sam, so dean must be worried about something.

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They had made it to the gate, before Dean finally said anything. “So, there's nothing happening, going on between you and that kid in there?” he asked, looking over at Phil. Phil shook his head. “I won't lie, i want there to be, but he's so young, and he's so innocent, i'm not that good at feelings. How do you date someone who knows a hellhound ripped your father shred to shred? He's just so different man, it scares me, i don't want to get close and have something happen to him.” Phil explained, letting out a sigh.

Dean nodded, placing a hand on Phils shoulder as he stopped walking. “Look, i suck at feelings, ask literally anyone, you know that, but what i will say is that kid looks at you for everything, maybe dont date him right now, maybe see if there's something there, and if there is, let it grow, but man, if you do like me, and you just ignore it, you'll regret it, i promise. Just don't be stupid okay?” and with that, the boys headed back inside. Phil Wasn't sure why Dean brought him out here, to have this talk, but if anything, maybe he was right, maybe in time this could be something, but first, he needed to know if there was anything.

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When Dean and Phil walked back through the front door, they saw castiel and Daniel sitting on the couch, Daniel Laughing and saying something to cas, While Bobby and Sam sat on the loveseat, handing each other cards.

Phil walked over to Cas and Daniel, Who paused their conversations to look up at him with smiles on their faces. “Daniel, could i speak to you for a minute please?” he asked, holding his hand out to daniel, who looked up at his through his lashes before taking his hand. Once Daniel was up, Phil was dragging him upstairs, to the second bedroom, where they were staying. The old furniture reminded Phil of when he would spend weeks here, a rowdy teenager sneaking out to go talk to the girls down at the drive in.

When the door was safely closed, Phil turned around, looking down at Daniel,at the way the boys chest rose, and the way his eyes seemed to flutter, almost too delicate for Phil to believe he was real. He stepped closer to the boy, the height difference becoming more prominent, but Daniel didn't seem to understand, as everytime Phil got closer, he would back up, eyes growing confused as his back met the wall, barely two inches separating his body from Phils.

Phil finally spoke up after a minute or two of staring at the boy and his lips. “Daniel, if you don't want this, you need to say something now.”

The look on Daniels face was something Phil swore he would see for a lifetime, the boys head fell back, exposing his pale neck, and his eyes fluttered shut,a soft sound falling from his lips before a breathy and soft “Please.” And god Phil didn't need anything else in this world.

With a newfound power he didn't even know he had, he had Daniel in his arms, his small legs wrapped around his waist, and his back slamming back into the wall. His mouth was on his, wet, hot, and powerful, and man if Phil didn't feel like a god with the noises falling from Daniels lips, almost like a prayer to the older man. He couldn't stop himself with Daniels tongue wrestling his own, the boy gave in so easily, so submissive, he’d let Phil do anything to him.

Slowly, Phil was backing up, spinning Daniel around, and then they were falling, Phil on top of Daniel as the soft bed encased Daniels back. Daniel was moaning, and Phils moth was making its way down, and god it was so good, Phil didn't know how he had survived, Daniel was pliant underneath him and Phil was sure this is what heaven felt like.

Phils mouth made its way down Daniels neck, and as he landed under Daniels ear, the boy let out a loud moan, he threw his head back, and suddenly he was speaking. “Phil ah, da- oh, please, please i need, hnng”

“what did you say Daniel, what didn't you finish?” Phil asked, smirking down at Daniel, he didn't expect that word to try coming out out the boys mouth, but he was not complaining. Phil watched as the Daniel let out a soft “Please.” before whispering “Daddy, please!” and who was Phil to deny someone so beautiful.

They continued to make out on the bed, their hips occasionally clashing, but soon enough Phil was panting into Daniels neck, kissing it softly before getting up. Daniel Made a confused noise, getting up to look at him, and how was Phil Meant to make this choice? But he knew what Dean said, he needed to wait a minute, needed to make sure he wanted this, that Daniel wanted this, it was just to early, they only just met, so with a sigh he began to speak.

“I think we need to think about this, about me, and you, and if either of us want that, and then we’ll talk, okay?”  He asked, watching Daniels face as it contotrered into sadness, into anger, and suddenly he was getting up, glaring at Phil.

“you have some nerve! You come in here, make out with me, and then all of a sudden, you're worried about thinking? I haven't known you long Phil Lester, but i can tell you thinking before isn't your forte so what the hell are you on about? I'm not a kid god! I can think for myself, i'm an adult, i wouldn't have said yes if i didn't want this!” He yelled, his glare getting harder as he stepped closer to Phil, angrily pointing his chest.

Wow, Phil was not expecting that from the usually quiet and submissive boy. He was expecting him to cry, and then gree, bit i guess that was daniel to prove him wrong.

“It's not happening Daniel, thats the end of it.” he finished, holding his face in a hard look, before turned around and walked out of the room, ignoring the sigh from behind him.

#lilysfics #phanfiction #phanfic #phanfic au #phandom #supernatural #phan fluff #phan smut #phan angst

[lillianwrites]

Five times Dan said I love you, and the one time Phil said it too

This was so tiny, I’m so sorry, I’m so tired, anyways, have this tiny writing, I’m working on a chartered fic I promise❤️

_______

Phil was rambling on about a story his mum used to tell him so he would sleep. He had messed up hair and sleepy eyes, and in that moment he was everything Dan had ever wanted.

“I love you.” Dan cut Phil off, blushing immediately, aware of what he had just said.

Phil had long since stopped talking, staring at Dan with a strange expression, before slowly saying “thank you.”

It wasn’t what Dan was hoping, but he hoped to one day hear it back, and he’d say it forever for that moment.

_______

It was October, and Dan was in Phil’s bed, as they were passing out, sleepy smiles on their faces as they finished the remains of their conversations.

Dan was looking over at phil, how the shadows of his face were so much prominent in real life, how his eyes were bluer than ever, and his lips fuller. Dan could only think of a million words to describe how beautiful phil really was in this moment.

He said it as Phil fell asleep, a small “I love you.” Whispered unto the room, but all he received was soft breathing into the darkness.

_______

It was 2012 and Dan was tired of everything, and everyone, and now was afraid he had not only messed up his career, but also his friendship.

Phil’s room was shut, no light coming from his door.

“I love you.” He said against the wood as he cried.

All he heard was something hitting the wall from inside his room.

______

A month later and dan said it again, not thinking before he whispered “I love you.” After the talk he and phil had, had. They were okay again, and nothing could make dan happier as he smiled at his best friend.

He didn’t say it back, but his eyes were brighter.

_____

They were Skyping when it had happened. Phil had been rambling about how much subscribers they were gaining, sad he wasn’t there but in Florida, and dan had spoke, saying it clearly “I love you.”

Phil hung up almost immediately, and Dan hadn’t heard from him when he finally decided to go to sleep, doubts and fears consuming him.

______

The next morning phil was at their door, a week earlier than expected, tears in his eyes and three words on his tongue as he looked Dan in the eyes and said “I love you too.”

And when they kissed, Dan remembered exactly why he had sworn he would say it forever.

#hi this so short #phan #phandom #phanfiction #phan angst #phan fluff #phanfic #lilysfics #fic #phanfic au

[lillianwrites]

Sad Hearts And Black Eyes (Chapter 4)

A|N: here is the fourth chapter! Feedback is appreciated

When Dan woke up in the strange house, he could hear faint voices coming from downstairs, and the smell of bacon was wafting through the air. His arms were tight and sore, and his neck felt like he had slept on nails, which to be honest, he kind of did.

The old bed was better than being dead however, so he was grateful. If it wasn’t for Phil, he wouldn't even be here, so he could learn to accept Phil wasn’t a relationship person. He honestly had too, he had nowhere else to go, he was alone except for the man that had offered to take him in. Speaking of, he should probably go downstairs, he was pretty hungry, and besides, Castiel was an amazing friend, and he wanted to know more about heaven.

He could feel all the bones in his body crack as he actually got out of bed, and a groan fell from his lips as he rolled his neck. The carpeted floor felt warm on his feet, and he knew his hair was a mess, but he honestly didn’t care at the moment, he was starving and just wanted food. Which reminded him of the smell in the lingering air, causing his stomach to growl at the concept of food.

Snaking his way down the stairs, he paused, hearing laughter coming from the kitchen. Everyone seemed so comfortable and happy around each other, Dan wished he could have had that growing up. Instead he got harsh smacks to the wrist and confessions to his father if he so much as cursed.

As he slowly began to make his way down the stairs again, he noticed something in the living room from the corner of his eye. By the sofa, stood a woman, with blonde hair styled in a pixie cut, and dim eyes. Her body was slim, she was short, but she was looking right at Daniel, watching him. It only took him a moment this time to realize she wasn't a human. Probably because of the gaping knife wound in her stomach, that was bleeding all over the place, even though she didn't acknowledge it, it was as though she didn't care about it. Even her breathing stayed the same as she smirked at Daniel, before she was gone, along with all the blood. For a second, Daniel could have sworn her eyes were black.

A few moments after, he was stood gaping at the spot he had just seen the woman, when Dean walked in, he had a beer to his lips, but when he spotted Dan, he slowly lowered it, looking at the boy strangely, before asking “You alright man?”  

Slowly Daniel nodded, and with the confidence of a hunter being with him, he walked down and into the kitchen, to join the others and munch on bacon.

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When Dan and Phil were ready to leave, they all shared goodbye handshakes and hugs, and then they were getting in the car, heading off to Tennessee where they had heard rumors of Werewolves. The two hadn’t spoken about what had happened between them, and neither were sure they even wanted to talk about what had happened. As far as Dan was concerned, Phil said no, and Dan wasn’t that desperate. If Phil didn’t want them to be together then so be it. Dan wasn’t one to beg.

For the first hour or so, they quietly bobbed their heads, trying to ignore one another, even though they were travelling in a tiny car with each other.  Once Warrant came on however, they began to sing together, laughing as they took turns singing and dancing as much as they could with one person driving. By the time they got to the town, they were telling jokes and making fun of the people on the sidewalks. They didn’t talk about it, and that was okay. Daniel could live with that, but he couldn’t live without Phil. It was so soon, but he already felt so connected, so immersed with the older man with the cool jacket, quiff, and blue eyes that screamed a past he wasn't sure how to tell.

The town was beautiful, no doubt. The trees were green with the grass, dandelions growing along the old and cracked sidewalk. The air was warm, pleasant with the sun touching skin softly. This place reminded Dan of home, of his father ordering pizza, and then playing monopoly on the floor criss crossed. The normal, the good. Daniel didn’t want to think of the bad things his father had done, the lies, not even telling Dan he was going to lose his last parent, leaving him alone and scared, for an older man with the word sin practically written on his forehead to pick up, like an injured rabbit. He had been left, parents moved on, with a whole new sight to the predators begging for him to misstep only once, they were practically waiting to eat him alive. He would like to believe Phil was the wolf, scary and bad, someone who you had never expected to stick with the rabbit, who ran from anything that goes bump in the night.

Every once in awhile Daniel found his mind wandering, found himself wondering why he was even here. He could be on a plane to a new foreign place right now, and instead he was with the wolf, with the “Bad guy.” He couldn't figure out why he had instead gone with Phil. Maybe because of the way he talks to him, or how his body moves with Daniels. The way he treats Daniels every move with a sense of sincerity. Gentle. Like he was afraid of breaking him, almost as if he was glass, and the smallest crack could ruin him. Whatever the reason was, Daniel was still mad.

With Phil being an idiot with his feelings, and the woman he saw, he wasn't sure what to think. On the side of his relationship, or lack of, with Phil, he had to say something.Had to make sure Phil understood he wasn't one to sit and wait for someone to decide, he was in, ride or die for good, or he was out. That would have to be up to Phil. With the woman however, Dan wasn't sure what to think. He wanted to know who she was, what she was. He could ask Phil, but he didn't want to create too much fuss, so he'd probably do some solo research, maybe even call Bobby. He was sure the older man wouldn't mind him asking, he had been so kind while he was at the house. Daniel admired him, he was like the cool uncle you could go to if you were in trouble.

Daniels thoughts were interrupted by the car stopping, and the engine being turned off, slowly stopping. He looked over, blushing when he found Phil's eyes, the blue in them making Daniel feel some kind of way. The older man continued to look at him, before slowly speaking. “ You know, we have a few hours before we need to head to the morgue, of you know, you wanted to find something to do…” He said, voice low, that stupid smirk on his face.

With a huff Daniel got out of the car, rolling his eyes as he grabbed his bag and followed Phil into the hotel, and if his hips swayed ever so slightly, and Phil walked behind him, well, only God was their witness.

#lilysfics #lilllianwrites #phanfiction #phanfic au #phanfic #phandom #fanfiction #phan fluff #phan angst #phan smut #shabe

[lillianwrites]

Sad Hearts And Black Eyes

A/n: I’m on mobile so I can’t do a cut sorry:( enjoy chapter 2 of I have no idea how many chapters this will be

Words: about 1.5k

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“What the hell are you doing?”

Phil turned around, dropping the lid, shocked to find Daniel staring at him, anger and distrust in his eyes. The boy looked like he was five seconds from running and calling the police, his body already set to turn around. His eyes scanned the closet, clearly untrusting of the Older man. Phil was confused on what the boy was doing, until he saw his eyes fall on something, before quickly reaching his hands out, grabbing a baseball bat with a curvy signature aligning down the length. He stepped forward, and posed to swing, but Phil was already up.

He quickly grabbed Daniels arms and twisted to the left, causing him to gasp in pain and drop the bat, he then twisted them over to the right and pinned him to the wall, face first. He heard the sound of the boys face connecting with the wall, and then a soft whimper. Phil waited a second, pressing the boy harder to the wall, making sure he couldn't get away. The kid really needed to learn not to attack people when he looked like a goddamn toothpick, but Phil was kind of impressed, that had to have taken guts.

“Alright, look kid, i dont do this whole attacking thing, dont swing if you aren't prepared to be hit back. if i wanted to kill you, you would be damn well dead right now, got me?” Daniels head quickly began to nod, Phil couldn't see his face, but he thought he heard sniffling. “Now, i need to know a few thing about your fat--” Phil was cut off by the electricity in the closet cutting out, the room bathed in darkness, besides the light from the windows in the bedroom. The air was cold, and he found himself shivering, as his breath became visible in front of his face.

“Mr. O’brein?” Daniel asked, looking over his shoulder at Phil, but Phil was a bit busy thinking. This was a demon deal, he's positive, but then why would a spirit be after Daniel? Surely the boy couldn't havw killed anyone, the kid looked like the stereotypical 18 year old virgin, but that doesn't mean anything he's learned. Phil sighed, letting go of the boy, trying to think of what could be happening.

“Mr. O’brein!” He heard Daniel scream. He was pointing towards the closet door, where a lady stood, hair messed up and blood staining what looked like a white sunday dress. She had a dark scowl on her face, and she faded and re-appeared every other couple of seconds. she observed Daniel, barely sparing a glance at Phil, before rushing forward with an god awful screech.

Phil rushed forward in front of Daniel, grabbing his iron necklace from his shirt pocket and quickly swinging it through the woman, who shrieked in agony before quickly turning to them, but Phil had already grabbed onto Daniels hand, grabbed onto the box, and began running, heading through the bedroom and down the stairs.

They were almost to the front door, when all of sudden the lady appeared once again, screeching as she grabbbed onto Daniel, whose face was pale white as he screamed, tears streaming down his face. Phil hurriedly ran to the car, slamming the trunk open and grabbing his shotgun full of rocksalt before shooting at her, causing her to yell once again, before she was gone, and Phil was grabbing Daniel, who was looking worse by the second and shoving him in the passenger seat.

“Look, I’ll explain later, were going to the motel in town where i'm staying, i need you to take this-” He said handing the gun to Daniel after checking it was off of safety, “- and if she shows again, aim and shoot her.” He said getting into the car, before pulling out quickly and speeding through the town.

Daniels only response so far was a few blinks and a bunch of sniffing. Phil understood, the first time he had been attacked by a ghost, he didn't sleep for a week.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The motel was dark and empty when they pulled in, and once they were out of the car, Phil was shuffling Daniel inside, before creating salt lines from all of the windows and the door. Once he deemed the room ghost proof, he turned to Daniel, who was quietly sitting, and honestly he appeared to be in shock. ‘Poor kid.’

“Okay, you’ll be safe in here, now look, im gonna be explaining a lot of things, but i need you to try and stick with me here, it's gonna be a bit crazy.” He said. Daniels response was a small “Okay.”

“I’m a hunter to the kind of things you just saw. I've been doing this for years, and i know what i'm doing, but this case has me a bit confused, so i'm gonna need your help with a few details i seem to be missing. Look i'm pretty sure the death of your father was a demon, hell hounds are the ones that would tear him apart, also his heart was intact so not a werewolf. I need any reasons why your father would make a deal, and who the hell that woman was, and why she wants you.” He said. Daniel was looking at him, his eyes wide and lips parted, like he couldn't believe it was real, like he couldn't believe Phil was real.

“Look, whether you believe me or not, you're in danger, and i'm here to help you, so please just tell me if you've seen her.” He sighed, god he haed those reactions.

Daniel didnt speak for another minute, before he slowly stuttered out “I think so..but i think i only saw her from a box in my dad's clo-” He was cut off by Phil pulling out the box that had set off the small machine a while ago. He quickly pulled off the lid and began to search throught he box, finding old law papers in the top, until he got to the middle contents, and saw a newspaper, the headline reading “Local Man being charged with the hit and run of Emily Coswell. Husband demands answers.”

A picture of the priest was below, the cameras clearly not by choice of the man. His hand was held up above his face, an angry expression flowing from his eyes and mouth. He read the date, cursing silently.

“Daniel, when did yall move here and begin your new start here?” Phil asked. Daniel looked over at him before saying “About ten years ago, why?” He asked confused, voice a bit shaky.

Phil cursed under his breath, as he began to dig through it all, until he found a picture of the hit and run victim. “God damn it!” Phil sighed.

“okay, things just got a bit tricky, Your father sold his soul, which means a demon was the one to “Kill” him ,and since the spirit could not intervene with hell, she’s after you.” He said before looking through the rest of the paper, hoping to find a burial site.

“Emily Coswell was decided to be cremated this Sunday.” he read sighing. “This just got a lot harder.” He said looking at Daniel.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Okay, as far as they’re concerned, you're with me simply for protection, so just act scared and don't say anything, if you say something wrong, we’re fucked.” Phil said to Daniel as they walked into the police station, hoping to find the necklace Emily Coswell was wearing when she was hit. According to Daniel, his father kept the necklace in his breast pocket, and if Phils right, it might be what kept her here, and with the priest dying, it set her free to go after Daniel.

Daniel walked behind Phil, head down, and if Phil wasn't worried about being killed, he probably would have found it hot at how submissive he actually was, but more important matters were at hand.

They had t pass two offices and the main desk before reaching the entrance to the evidence room, where they quickly went over trying to find Daniels fathers clothes and possessions. Inside the small box was a pair of stained khaki pants, a white button down shirt full of blood and ripped, a wallet, a ring, and a small blue necklace.

“Okay, if i'm correct, this necklace should be what's holding her here, so we need to head to the house and burn it, quick-” The lights in the room were shut off, and the temperature seemed to have dropped around 20 degrees,Phil watched in dread as the lights began to slowly come back on, only to start flickering, making a soft hum in the otherwise quiet room.

“Shit, okay Daniel we don't have time to drive, we need to get to the car, and now!” he said grabbing Daniels hand, but Daniel wasn't moving, eyes trained on the angry woman behind Phil, who leapt at Daniel With determination, a cry leaving her undead lips. She flew through Phil, leaving him shivering, as she grabbed onto Danies neck, pinning him to the wall and starting to choke him.

Daniels eyes were filled with tears, and he was making small hiccuping sounds as he tried to get enough air in. Phil had finally shook off the weird feeling, and ran to the woman, hitting her with an iron knife he had in his boot, and grabbing Daniel, forcing him to start running as they made their way through the station, and into the parking lot. They made it to the car, but Phil was stopped as the man pounced on him, shrieking and yelling as she dug her “claws” into him, causing him to yell out and drop the necklace.

Phil wasn't winning this fight, and his vision was slowly turning to black, when the woman began yelling in pain, fire encasing her, until she slowly disappeared along with the grip on Phil. Phil was panting, confused, eyes gazing up, only to see Daniel with a lighter in his hand, waving sheepishly.

#phan #phandom #phanfic au #phanfiction #lilysfics #supernatural #phan angst #phan fluff #phan smut

[lillianwrites]

Worst In Me

Summary: 2012 is here, and Dan can't find his own feelings.

a/n: this is literally so short im so sorry, i just heard the song and wanted to write this small thing, i recommended listening to “Worst In Me” by Julia Michaels while reading

Words: 600

Genre: angst with a happy ending

_________________________________________________________________________________________

slamming doors has become Dans least favorite sound, because it happened all too often lately. A part of bim knew this was his fault, he was being stubborn, and he didn't want to let go of what he believed in, but he also knew, what he believed in was wrong. He loved his boyfriend, he cared about him, but he couldn't just let the videpo go. The whole world was watching him now, waiting for him to announce something, anything, and he didn't want that. He never wanted his personal life to mic with his youtube life, and now here he was, with 20,000 emails asking him if he and phil got up to cheeky bum sex in the evenings.

The bad part, was Dan wanted to say sorry, he didn't want to fight with phil, the video was such a sweet thing to do, he knew that, but a part of him, this strange evil part, did not want to quit fighting. He knew they could make it work, they could get better and become Dan and Phil again, and it scared him just how close they actually were, how people didn't see him as Dan without Phil. Oh if they could see them now.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

“I don't understand Dan, you said you loved the video when you saw it, someone else does, and you hate it?” Phil huffed from the kitchen, where he was making his coffee.

“I don't know Phil!” Dan screamed. why couldn't he just understand that, even dan didn't know how he was feeling at the moment, so why was he pushing him, why was he pressuring Dan to know what he doesn’t, why won't he just give him time to figure this out.

another door slammed, and their relationship became unknown, when Dan realized it was the front door, and the spoon he was stirring his coffee with, was clanging on the floor, although he couldn't hear it past the sad ringing in his ear.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

“Maybe this wont work.”

Dans lungs were burning, and hurting, and he wasn't sure why,until he remembered that he had to breath, he needed to put air in his lungs.

“T-that's not true.” he stuttered out brokenly.

“Then talk to me Dan, tell me, or im getting on the train tomorrow, and i don’t know if i’m coming back.”

Phil was leaving, phil was planning on leaving him, and not coming back. he knew he was being a pain in the ass, but he was ready to just leave their friendship? was he willing to leave Dan? Suddenly Dan wasn't so sure what was happening.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

They were sitting on the couch, far apart, but closer than normal in this time, and Dan was shaking, or at least he thinks he is.

“I want to quit fighting Phil. I know that the video was sweet, i appreciate it so much, but i’m so scared Phil, i want to get better, i want to get back to how i felt, how we felt, but this small part of me doesn't want to, i don’t know why, its just the worst in me, and now i'm not so sure what to do, the best part of me wants to love you, yet the worst part wants to fight, ants to make you angry, wants to make you feel bad, and i don't know how to control it, how to tame it. how do i do that?” he asked.

Phil didn't say anything but the hug he captured dan in was enough, they were going to be better now.

#phan #phandom #phanfiction #phan angst #phan fluff #lilysfics #phanfic #phan drabble

[lillianwrites]

7 minutes of Heaven

Pairing:phan

Genre: really just smut?

I adore this prompt and love reading these fics, so I truly hope you enjoy🖤

VvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvV

Dan had been one of the many people enjoying the college party, smiling and trying to forget about the mounds of essays he has to do when he wakes up in the morning, his eraser being alcohol. He had been enjoying it, funny how had works, one second he was dancing and laughing at Tyler, a boy in his law study that had bright blue hair, and now he was in a trance, staring at the boy across the room.

He knew who he was, of course he did, no one didn't know Phil Lester. The schools Bad boy. Those who knew Phil Lester could tell you what he was like, tough and hard headed, but soft and compassionate. Those who didn't get the luxury of knowing Phil Lester lived their lives in fear of fucking with him.

He had walked into the god damn frat house like he owned the place, and looking at it now, maybe he did. He was handed a drink by a girl he recognized to be Louise pentland, and then he was dancing with his friends, all making a scene.

Dan was one of the unlucky ones, he had never met Phil Lester, only stared at him when he had passed. Phil seemed like a nice guy to Dan, but he didn't believe he would ever get the chance to know as he wasn't the type phil Lester was known to hang around. Shy and nerdy, the exact opposite.

Dan shook his head as he heard yelling in his right ear, he turned around to see Tyler handing him another beer. Dan shrugged, turning his back on the black haired male, maybe another beer would do him good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turns out, another beer was an awful idea, as one turned to three and three turned to five. Pretty soon everything was fuzzy, and dan believed he could fly.

"Hey! Would you like to play 7 minutes in Heaven with us? We need more people!" A girl with blonde hair asked him. Dan racked his brain trying to remember her before saying "Louise! Of course I will!" He smiled at her before joining everyone in the circle.

If Dan had been sober he would have knew to leave the second he got there, but he was tipsy, and seeing Phil Lester in the circle of people to soon be kissed had him eagerly sitting down, fluttering his eyelashes whenever phil caught his eyes.

"Okay, you! Jessica? Go ahead, spin the bottle!" Louise cheered.

The short red head named "Jessica" apparently, was quick to spin the bottle, eyes dimming when it landed on Tyler. One thing he had forgotten to mention, Tyler was hella gay.

They both shrugged and headed to the closet in the hall, the door clicking shut as everyone began to count down, laughing as they heard Tyler say "what the actual fuck, this is why I like dick."

Seven minutes later, and Dan was spinning the bottle, eyes following the bottle and making him a bit dizzy as he watched it come to a stop, his eyes trailing up the clearly males body before reaching his face, a smirk present upon those god sent lips.

This time Dan wasn't as drunk, but the thought of kissing Phil Lester was enough to send him back, as he slowly stood up, aware of the boys eyes on him as he sauntered to the closet, smirking when the light from the hall was shut out, an arm somewhere pressed against him as Phil stepped in and the door clicked closed.

He heard hushed breathing before a low voice spoke out, causing Dans body to break into shivers as he listened.

"Do I have your consent to do anything?" He heard Phil ask.

Dan sobered up just a bit at the words realizing how lucky he was for someone to actually check for consent, too care.

Dan nodded quickly, letting Phil know it was okay to continue before he was being thrown against the back wall, his head hitting the wood as his mouth was assaulted by Phils.

He could feel Phil pulling him closer , and he found his hands roaming over Phils back, making their way up Phils t-shirt as he was moaning, enjoying the way the others mouth felt on him.

This continued for a good while before someone was knocking stating that time was up, and when they pulled back, all Phil said was "give us more time." In a dark tone before he was making his way down Dans neck, smirking as he was biting at his pulse point at the boy who was whimpering and moaning, hips thrusting up for anything he could find.

Phil chuckled darkly. "Ask me for something, and you just might get it, that is, if you can be a good boy." He spoke lowly.

Dan outright whined high and loud, tears flowing from his eyes as he begged. "Phil please please I want you please I ne-AH FUCK"

Mid way Phil had shoved his thigh forcefully between Dans legs, smirking into the boys neck as he began to grind down, panting and whimpering, messes between Phils name and gods.

"Phil please I'm c-close" Dan complained, chasing his high and blushing as he came in his pants, pleasure taking over him as he sobbed, jutting down against Phils thigh, even though he was so sensitive it nearly hurt.

Dan whined as he did that for another minute, overstimulation taking over as Phil pulled his hair back and whispered "upstairs, second bedroom to the right, be ready and naked on the bed."

He then smirked at Dan and walked out. Dan panted and stared as he left before running out. This night was going to be amazing.

#phan #phanfic #phan headcanon #phan prompts #phan prompt #phanfiction #phanfic au #lilysfics

[lillianwrites]

New chapter in a few minutes

So the next chapter is here! Fair warning, its short i wont lie, i wrote it in the writers block stage, and i had lost my confidence in myself, but the next chapter will be here soon, and look forward to,,,,things happening:D

Bye for now~Lillian

#lilysfics #lilyspeaks #shabe

[lillianwrites]

Baby it's you and Me

Genre: Fluff and angst.

Words: 1,865

an/ Hi anon, i know this isnt exactly what you wirded,but i hope its still enjoyable! Sorry it took so long! I went on hiatus on the day i was gonna post it because of the drama, anywho, enjoy!

_________________________________________

Dan had a serious problem, the kind of problem that kept you up and night, stressing over the solution, if there even was one. He and Hades had once been a thing, the god of the underworld had been sweet and understanding. He allowed Dan to share his opinions, and Dan had quickly climbed the chain, soon becoming Hades partner in the underworld, making his own calls, and deciding the important issues of the Underworld. However, like all couples, they soon found their issues, and after a thousand years of arguing, they had decided to call it quits. Dan had decided soon after their split, to head down to earth to get away for awhile. He had spoken to Thea, and had her permission to serve the underworld from a small flat in the London city. With the say so from the goddess, he moved his belongings to the flat, and began his life on earth for a short time.

Now, going to Earth wasn’t the issue. The move had gone well, and all of his neighbors were kind people, offering to help him carry stuff up, and bringing him small gifts to make his flat seem more homely, as he had told him he moved into London for a fresh start, a new beginning. He took shape as a tall man, reaching 6’3, who had brown eyes, a round face, and curls of brown hair, which he decided to leave curly. The problem, that he had encountered on the fifteenth day of being on earth, was a tall man, only about an inch shorter than Daniel himself. He had bright blue eyes, with small pieces of yellow and green mixing around the center, near his pupils, and his hair was dark, with lighter roots, giving the impression he dyed it.

It had started when Dan had decided that he was going to head to Starbucks. He had recently fallen in love with their coffee, and he was ashamed to admit he continued to go there every morning at 11:00am, always trying something new. He usually sat and drank his coffee while writing, figuring out some of the work needed for the Underworld, writing names that were to be going, and who were to be sent to purgatory. He had been sitting down, when his name had been called. He had gotten up, heading to the counter and grabbing his caramel macchiato, and went to head back to his table, when someone had been walked straight into him, causing him to drop his (thankfully cold) drink, all over himself.

His face instantly melted into a glare, angry at how someone could possibly not see him. He was cold now, and a crowd had gathered around, all faces holding amusement, that is, until Dan looked up and began to glare at them. When everyone had turned around and continued on with their coffees and reports,Dan looked back to who had ran into, only to stop when he was met with the man spewing apologizes as soon as Dan was looking at him.

“I’m so sorry, im literally the clumsiest person ever!”

“Honestly i’m a danger to society!”
“Good job Phil honestly.”

And even though his new jumper was stained, and probably ruined, he just couldn't stay mad at the pretty eyed male, whose lips were in a perfect pout, and was ducking his head in shame. “Um, its fine.” Dan said curtly, sighing, when the man ‘Phil’ he thought, flushed a bright red, seeming to try making himself smaller. “I truly am sorry, i’m just awfully clumsy.” Phil explained. Dan honestly just couldn't be rude to this man, he was far too adorable in his pokemon shirt. Something Dan had quickly became obsessed with on his third day on earth. Dan had smiled at the human. And had reassured him it was fine, and if Phil slipped in his phone number to “pay for his dry cleaning” then Daniel most definitely did not accept it and call him later, to accept that offer. A friendship grew as they continued to meet, and soon, it was no longer a friendship, but an relationship.

The biggest problem, however, came on his second year on Earth. Phil had been mentioning marriage, and Dan was so happy. The question hadn’t been asked yet, but they both knew the answer.Dan had been considering talking to Thea about how this was to work, about what happened considering Phil wasn’t immortal. He knew Phil would stay with him, become an immortal, but it was all up to Thea. He truly believed she would say yes but he had to make sure.

Dan shook his head as he walked into their flat. The warm smell of his boyfriend greeted him, and he let his thoughts slip away as he was greeted with the familiar decorations that phil had insisted were perfect them. The flat was unusually quiet, but Phil had texted him just an hour before saying he was going to be filming, so Dan wasn’t too worried. Phil made Youtube videos for a living, and while Dan didn’t understand it exactly, Phil loved it, and it paid well, so he wasn’t going to complain.

He began to head up the stairs to the office, were he assumed Phil was going to be filming. The stairs creaked as he walked upon them, and soon enough he was outside the office, however he paused when he heard two laughs. Phil had always told him about collabs before they happened, so he knew that's not what was happening, so Dan was very confused. He continued to listen for a second before sighing.

Shrugging off the noise, he knocked quickly before stepping in, not noticing what was happening for a moment, before he saw the scene before him. His boyfriend, Phil Lester, making out with some random male, not knowing the man, he definitely wasn’t one of the youtubers Phil had shown him. They were on their sofa bed, Phils hands in the guys blonde hair, and the mans hands far too close to Phils ass for him to be comfortable at the moment. Dan couldn't describe what he was feeling at the moment if someone handed him a book of words scripted perfectly for this situation. He was sad, but he could feel anger pooling on him as they continued to kiss, making disgusting sounds as they did. Sadness and anger, but there was something there he just couldn't put a finger on, perhaps because he's a god and had never felt it before. Deciding he couldn’t just watch anymore, he coughed loudly, preparing himself for what was to happen.

His boyfriends eyes flew open, blue meeting brown. He couldn’t tell if he wanted phil to think he was angry or sad, but he could tell it was seen as sad. The man's eyes confused Daniel Just as much, his eyes were widened, however not in a “oh shit” way, but a confused and even scared way. He sat and watched as emotions flew past his lovers face, before settling on fear, a frightened sounding squeak passing through ihs lips before he got up and ran to the middle of the room, looking between him and the strange man quickly. Dan didn't know what was causing him to react this way, but humans are cunning, so he began to wonder if this was just a ploy to make him forget how he was cheating on Dan.

Dan heard himself scoff before he could even think to do it logically. His eyes were not hardened, he had wanted to marry him, so why was he kissing this man. Dan was a god, not stupid, he knew this was wrong, yet he couldn't make himself believe phil would ever do that to him, it just didn't fit right. “I trusted you, i gave you everything i had, i told you the most important things about me,and you kiss some stranger?” he asks angrily, glaring at his boyfriend, or should he say ex.

Phil Looked conflicted, confused, and albeit, a bit angry himself. The stranger he had been kissing sat on the same spot as when dan had walked in, although there was now a smirk on his face, one that seemed way to familiar to be comfortable.”Dan-” PHil started, causing them both to look over at him. “You know i would never, look i know this sounds crazy, but, he was…..you? He had walked in, he looked exactly like you. He thanked me for the food i told you i brought home from mcdonalds, and we came up here, he said you wanted to do the video, Dan it sounds crazy, but he was you.” Phil said

Dan scoffed “You expect me to believe that Phil, seriously!” he shouted. He then stopped, his face paling before turning a nasty shade of red, his neck blotching as he realizes exactly what was happening here. He turned slowly, glaring at the stranger. “You! You seriously tried to break us up! Thats ridiculous! We've been over for 3 years now hades, you need to go, leave me and my boyfriend alone, i never want to hear from you again. Im dealing with my side, so leave me alone, leave! And don't come back, ever! Im serious hades. I’m done with this, dont make me go to Thea about this.”

The male glared over at Dan, before sighing. “I miss you Daniel, but you're clearly happy here. i'll leave you alone, but don't expect me to be happy about it.” the male said dramatically, before snapping his fingers, a cloud of black smoke appearing, clearing when he was gone. “Drama queen.” Dan murmured.

`````````

“Phil look,” he said sighing “first of all, i'm sorry for waiting to tell you, but i-”

“A God from the underworld? Yeah i know.” Phil said cutting him off, not sounding angry or surprised in the slightest. Dans eyebrows furrowed, not expecting such a calm and nonchalant claim after saying something so wild and big. “How did you find out?” He asked confused, wondering how long Phil had known. “Oh, for at least a year. I figured you were waiting for the right time, you leave your notes out all the time, and then you said hades and it kind of clicked.” PHil explained. Dan just nodded slowly, having dealt with far too much today.

“Let's go lay down.”he said, sighing as they went to go cuddle. No more secrets.

_________________________________________

“Dan! Your ex took our toaster again!” he heard phil yell from the kitchen. Dan smiled. After everything had happened, Dan finally asked PHil to marry him, and a year later they were husbands. Hades stills showed up, but all was friendly as he had found a god and they had begun to get serious.

“Phil, I've told you time and time again, if you say you really like i-”

“He's going to take it, i know, i know. I expect it back by nine, i need some waffles” Phil said cutting him off.

Dan smiled at his husband, he was exactly where he wanted to be in life.

___________________________________________

Finished.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #phanfic au #gods #greek gods #phan au #phan angst #phan fluff #phan humor #prompt #lilysfics