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gojonanami · 2 months

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would it be fine if I go ahead and write a long ass speech on why prof geto is so attractive to me?

I'm hoping it is. And hence (feel free to ignore this, please) --

Look. In a world full of "high value men" (by that I mean rich and smart basically) who are seeking a feminine women who'd cook for them and do all the household task for them without a second thought or complain, professor geto helped me revive my trust. How?

So look. As a woman myself, I'm a hustler. I have big dreams. I have a long term vision. And the kind of men I'm attracted to are the ones who can keep up with me and my mental and emotional frequency (basically prof geto - fit ✅ mature ✅ rich ✅ don't come at me for being materialistic, I hold myself to these standards so it's only fair to do for that one person I'll be spending the most time of my life with) but apparently, such men (atleast that I know of irl and on social media) are into more "gender roles" saturated relationships.

I literally had one of my friends telling me "I don't care if she earns, as a male it's my job to provide so I don't care. If she does then good for her, but I don't want that interrupting all the household works. I need her to be feminine." "She needs to do the cooking, it's more women suited." And it kinda hurts? Specially if it's coming from someone i actually find inspiring?! Like do you think being feminine is all about cooking and birthing? Imagine working all your teenage and twenties to build and empire and your life partner just doesn't respect or care about it? Imagine earning as much as him but when you come home you gotta cook while he can chill because "gender roles". Huh? Not acceptable to me.

But it's fine I suppose, everyone has different needs. And the way they assign their ideal types fits into those needs, besides it's only meant for 1 person out of the 8 billion, but it can become concerning when the kind of men you are into expect you to be a certain way (which is suppressing for you. I mean sure, if that's what you want I can do it to make you happy but it'd make me miserable. Absolutely miserable. And I was trying to think of contradictions and convincing arguments on why women who are independent and more "masculine" ; because being a hustler and "too" career oriented is that apparently, still attractive.) And then I opened Tumblr and saw your posts.

🧍🏻‍♀️well.

*sobs* prof geto would neverrrr

And then I got my assurance that there still are men out there who'd appreciate it and find my (context : materialistic) success inspiring! Who'd be attracted to my brains basically ( ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)⁠☞

For whom, having the quality of a traditional wives isn't one of the top priority, they'd build relationships on something as core of a value as love. That not all men are stupid and realise the "duties division" in a relationship isn't as crucial as finding "love" in itself is. That finding love and someone compatible is more important and then other issues such as who does what can be divided as per convenience later on.

So yes. In conclusion. Thank you for blessing my life with this assurance and prof geto, Sabina. I was so disturbed and seeing your blog on my feed and getting reminded of prof geto did calm me down in the click of a finger. Pardon me if this was too long, not something you like to talk about, too vague (which I suppose it was, because the conversation with my colleague that I'm talking about was 2.5 hours long lol 😭). Feel free to not reply to this.

🤩 anon.

ahhh no I completely feel this — I’m so glad prof geto could give you some hope!! I wanna say there’s someone like this out there — and even if not, we can be as kind as prof geto is to ourselves 💕🥹

there shouldn’t be any duties division based on gender when it comes to love — it should be on the person’s capabilities and strengths and convenience like you said!! I’m glad this silly story could be a source of hope for you!! 💕😭 it means so much

#sab [asks]#sab [anons]#sab series [prof suguru]

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suometar · 3 years

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Power song of the day: Wake up by Smash into Pieces

You can not resist, like a moth to a flame -- You know it will burn, but sometimes you enjoy the pain

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus) Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- From a life in fantasy -- Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- And realize it's not meant to be -- You stumble in the dark cause you close your eyes -- Guided by the sweet talk lullaby -- But someday you will wake up -- You will wake up From a life in fantasy -- Wake up!

You try to cut everyone out of your life -- So no one can question how you can believe the lies

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus)

You're in the fire, what do you do? -- You wake up -- The final round is waiting for you

(Chorus)

Why? Well...

I'm coming down from mania.

Which sucks. And here's a glimpse into my 30 or so years experience of this nonsense.

But before I say more I want to say to everyone who I have been venting during the last month or so:

Please don't think that you have contributed in making my situation worse. You haven't. The fuel for all of it comes from within myself. I am nothing but crateful that I have had a chance to vent to someone because otherwise it all would've just clumped inside me and that would've made the situation worse.

And besides, not all venting has been caused just by mania. When I'm manic it doesn't remove the normal thoughts and feelings I have.

When you're stuck in a tar pit created by a certain person for who knows how many years in a row it's obvious it's not just the mania. I think you guys know what that's like :D

Coming down is like a really really really REALLY bad hangover

Except that you can remember every single thing you've done, the things you've felt, the things you've planned, what you thought of. EVERYTHING.

And you KNOW they're all just a result of the chemical imbalance of your own brain.

Coming down doesn't mean necessarily that I'm now depressed. It's just getting back to your normal state from mania.

But the bad hangover is real. If you've experienced that you know what it's like. Regrets after regrets.

What's mania like

That ecstacy of mania is an immense rush you don't really know unless you've experienced it yourself.

It's difficult to describe, but I think falling in love really hard and fast is the closest that describes it best. You have butterflies in your stomach all the time, you're hyperfixating on that one person and you feel invincible, like everything in your life is finally perfect and you're in control like never before.

Or even better: It's like being on speed, except without the drugs. Overstimulated 24-7-365.

Hyperfixation is typical for mania

In my case the hyperfixation can be basically anything from men (real or fictional, doesn't really matter lol) to any action, hobby or even work, totally depends on the situation.

What I do is I dedicate all my time to that one thing and one thing only even though I know it's not healthy.

Thank god I've learned to control it so that it won't take ALL of my time anymore, but it still is there. And I need to cater it to some extent or I won't be able to do anything.

It's like having a parasite you can't get rid of but you can make it behave if you give it some attention from time to time.

What's real and what's not? That is the question

When you're having mania it's sometimes super hard to differentiate what's a real thought and what is based on the illusion created by your own mind. And even though I am nowadays capable to tell the difference of my real thoughts/feelings and the ones fueled by mania the later ones do have an effect on me even though I try not to react to them.

The tricky thing is that your body can't tell the difference of a so called real/normal thought/feeling and one created inside my head fueled by mania.

A manic person wants nothing more than get more of the dopamine that fuels the ecstacy. Which easily can lead to a psychotic episode/period.

The saddest part is that manic person usually looks and behaves exactly like any normal person. You can't tell from outside if someone is having mania unless they choose to show it. Psychotic then usually is clearly psychotic and erratic and behaves totally out of character.

Triggers for mania

Anything can basically be a trigger for mania and they vary from person to person. For me it's usually one of the following:

an extreme negative change in life (such as death, divorce or other big things like that),

finding a new crush,

intensive concentration on some activity,

social media, or

as surprising as it might be: music. Especially any with a faster tempo.

Usually though I have already been somewhat hypomanic before the real mania hits. Hypomania though is very hard to notice because I'm somewhat easily excited and impulsive already by nature.

But I've lived with this so long that I know when it's going overboard. My manic mind just usually chooses to say it's nothing and I believe it like a fool - because it feels so good.

This time the trigger for me was intensive concentrating on writing. While the writing was crucial in easing my general anxiety this time it had this unfortunate side effect.

Nonetheless, I'm not quitting writing. Because the anxiety has eased significantly from when I started. I probably need to change the subject for a while and not to write daily or limit it just for 30 mins a day.

How a new crush can happen when you're married, you ask?

Oh, easily. See, with a manic mind a marriage is nothing but an obstacle. Nothing is but an obstacle that is designed to limit you. Because you're omnipotent. And obstacles - well, they're made to be conquered or plowed through.

In my case I've chosen to keep my crushes online and physically as far away from me as possible. I've made a mistake of crushing into someone irl and that was UGLY for all parties involved.

Thirsting over someone from afar online while remaining happily married is by far a better option.

How to control mania or turn it off

Yes, you can turn it off. The problem with that is that usually manic person doesn't

feel like something is wrong, and

doesn't want to get down from the high.

But there are things you can do to get it end sooner.

Log off from all social media. Seriously. Don't just turn notifications off - LOG OFF.

If that's not enough, remove all the social media apps from your phone. You can always install them again.

Turn off your phone if it's possible.

Don't use computer unless it is absolutely necessary - like for paying bills. You don't need to find out what age Barbara Streissand is at 2:30am - or, well, ever.

Social media is by far the biggest contributor for mania. The apps are designed to give us a dopamine rush each time we scroll down any feed and see a new post. That's how they keep us stuck on them.

When you already have an issue with the dopamine rush using social media just makes it worse.

You won't miss anything if you log off for two days or a week. SERIOUSLY. But it will improve your well-being tremendously.

The absolutely best thing you can do is to create as dull environment to yourself as possible. That there's nothing artificial you can drown yourself into. Best place to be in mania is in the middle of the woods without any mobile signal - trust me.

Take up an activity where you do something with your hands. Hands-on approach is crucial.

Doing things with your hands will root you into the real world.

It doesn't matter what it is: cooking, cleaning, handcrafts, drawing or painting (NOT on a computer or ipad but with real pencils/crayons/paints/brushes/etc).

Remember not to do just that though. Go out (without your phone). Enjoy the nature. Listen to the sounds of the outside world. Don't close your senses with headphones. Read. Watch out of the window. Stare at the wall. Watch the paint dry.

LET YOURSELF GET BORED.

Just stay away from any electronic devices.

The hangover is horrible but it'll pass. And you will feel better afterwards when you're functional again.

------

It's not easy. None of us chose to live with bipolar. It's always inherited. But there are ways to work through it.

I hope this helps at least someone.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#bipolar disorder #bipolar #bipolar mania #coping skills #mental health tips #thoughts from the crypt #long post

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