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#like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup???
mazzy-rockstar
·
4 months
Text
Monday blues are hitting me hard today
#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings
#but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl
#and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back
#which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like
#i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt
#so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me
#1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool)
#my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and
#it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics
#even in pics where i was present at the time
#and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts
#i just want to be important to someone
#i want to be someone’s person
#not a last resort like
#they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left
#but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’
#not even a fucking heart on insta stories
#am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends
#like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup???
#I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one
#idk i must exude some sort of energy
#i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years
#(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders)
#anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day
#ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life
#it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets
#i feel like hired entertainment sometimes
#idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right?
#i have to stop
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