#like i think i wouldve benefitted from some sort of assistance in school (and in junior year i was failing so many classes that they gave

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

All my friends in highschool were neurodivergent in one way or another

Not all of the ones I talked to outside of school were autistic but none were neurotypical

But in some classes I would have class specific friends. Like people I only really talked to when we had classes together. ALL of those people were autistic.

High school Riley did not know they were autistic

Nor did I ever seek these people out

But any time we had class together we would all just kinda group together. Like I was often the first to class on the first day and we if we were allowed to choose our own seats they would all just kinda group around me on the first day. If we had to get into groups for anything they would just kinda absorb me into their group without me having to say anything

And I have to wonder

Did they (correctly) assume i was autistic and decide to do all that on purpose

Or did they just all see me sitting as far away from other people as possible and decide they vibed with that

Either way I was always very appreciative towards them. They made the classes I assumed I would be alone in just a bit more bearable. And they never thought I was weird for not talking much at first and then oversharing once I got comfortable enough to talk to them.

#unfortunately several of them had paras and paras were always fuckin annoying #like if left alone i can calm down from a meltdown pretty quickly #but if people keep talking to me or touching me or even just staring at me it makes it so much harder to calm down #and drags it out way longer than it needs to #and my meltdowns tend to be pretty quiet #my parents have always been very good about just letting me do what i need to do to calm down #so as long as my parents were around my meltdowns were never a problem. they sucked. but the overwhelmed crying part would #end pretty quick #most teachers just ignored them which i was fine with #but PARAS MAN. they were the WORST. both at triggering meltdowns and at making them WORSE #like my dudes your job is literally working one on one with autistic kids why are you so bad at thks #and nothing would make them go away #i would straight up tell them to leave me alone and they would just continue to insist on ''helping'' me #like i am actively refusing your help and telling you its unnecessary WHATS NOT CLICKING #and they would always walk up behind me amd like. put their hands on my back and like WHY #i CLEARLY flinch every time you do that WHY do you continue to do it #like i think i wouldve benefitted from some sort of assistance in school (and in junior year i was failing so many classes that they gave #me a study hall in the classroom that had the therapy dog) but im so glad i didnt have a para assigned to me #i feel like i may have become violent if id had to deal with a para in more than one or two classes a semester #and like. obviously i wouldve had an iep for that to have happened but considering how they also treated the kids they were assigned to #im not really sure they wouldve treated me any different if one was assigned to me #i had random paras deciding i needed their help since 1st grade and every single one of them succeeded in triggering meltdowns #or seeing me meltdown and make it 100x worse #im not super confident in their abilities to have actually assisted me in any way