#like idk. like i dont DESERVE to eat someone elses leftovers??? thats so fucking SAD. that makes me sound like a stray dog or something

[catboy-kakashi]

Noticing a pattern in your behavior that may be a sign of something much larger but instead of trying to analyze that you just quickly put the lid back on the oil fire and walk away

#i have some. problems. when it comes to food #i wouldnt call it like a disorder by any means #i feel like that would be trivializing what people with EDs go through #but uh. well i have been at someone else’s house petsitting and i’ve barely eaten anything besides the bag of veggie chips i brought #and im starting to think. maybe. i need to assess my issues with feeling like im allowed to eat or take food thats offered to me #without being explicitly handed the food and being told its for me #haha uhhhh. haha. anyway. i think i’ll cope with this by projecting onto fictional characters and then never self reflecting #​ camtankerous is whining #like they straight up SAID ‘theres leftover in the fridge! feel free to eat those!’ #but because they said that and not ‘thats for you!’ my brain says ‘theyll eat that if i dont. i should leave it for them. its not for me’ #like idk. like i dont DESERVE to eat someone elses leftovers??? thats so fucking SAD. that makes me sound like a stray dog or something #i havent had coffee for several days either bc asking how their coffee machine worked felt like admitting i was planning on taking #their coffee and like. maybe im not allowed to have coffee! thats THEIR fancy coffee #i newrly slept on the fucking couch instead of one of the TWO guest beds they told me i could use. whats wrong with me #negative #vent #sorry i just. ive been really stressed out the last few days and i needed to get this out #i straight up dont know where this behavior comes from. its not like my parents were abusive or didnt let me have food?? #its like im afraid to let myself enjoy things. who the fuck do i think is going to come and take it away or yell at me. #HAHA wow thats a wall of text huh. i should probably go to therapy! #if youre still reading this do not look upon my wretched form. i dont want you to think less of me for this