#like im not desolate or anything but i deny myself things every day bc im fine now

[fantastic-artemis]

How to find a job that doesn't make me despair to live

#I LOVE the library but i've been part time for two years and i am not making enough to support myself lmao #i am very fortunate to have a lot of savings but i live alone in an apartment i signed for when i had two jobs and now that my income is #cut in half things are rough #and i have interviewed a dozen times or more for a promotion to full time and they aren't budging #and then yesterday one of the managers was micromanaging me and my shitty coworker was mocking my menial tasks lol #bc he is info staff and i am just lowly circulation so i have to keep my head down and shelve the books i guess?? even tho he doesn't do #jack shit and gets paid double what i do and is full time #like i got scolded and told to stop preparing for my presentation that is tonight bc i should have been making sure the books were in the #right order on the shelves lmao #meanwhile this guy has been booking vacation flights all morning #and even if i get full time and even though i work at a comparatively VERY well paying library #im still not going to make much #i have a degree in journalism and communications that im not using bc that shit made me feel dead inside #and i wanted to do something that mattered #but the things that mattered are not paying my bills or buying me a new winter coat or allowing me to do things like get a haircut or buy #clothes that i like or go out with friends or start new hobbies #and im just like is it worth it??? is this worth it??? #like im not desolate or anything but i deny myself things every day bc im fine now #but i dont know how much longer i have to make the money stretch #and im tired #i just wanted to do something real that helped people #every day i get to work around books and talk about books and help people access social services #i helped a kid with homework and an elderly lady access job resources and showed a kid his favorite book series that he got so excited #about that he yelled all in the same day and it was fantastic #it mattered #but #is it worth it??? #this was the dream i worked so hard for and now im looking at all that hope and effort like. this didn't save you either #idk yall its rough out here #me