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#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think
opens-up-4-nobody
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7 months
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?
#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃
#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook
#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort
#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop
#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol
#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like
#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and
#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works
#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil
#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations
#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess
#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively
#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by
#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.
#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think
#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf
#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its
#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror
#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the
#most me coded character to ever exist
#unrelated
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