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#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its
opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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disillusioneddanny · 8 months
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Remember Me (Avenge Me)
Danny Fenton had no idea what it was, but there was something in the Infinite Realms that felt off. He had felt it for a few days now but he hadn’t been able to pinpoint what exactly that feeling was except that something was in the Realms, something that didn’t belong here. He just needed to find what it was and send it back to where it belonged. But before he could do that, he had to pinpoint the feeling. 
The way Danny was connected to the Infinite Realms was weird, he didn’t know how to explain it. Despite the fact that he had turned down the crown and title of King, the connection grew stronger. Clockwork had informed him that the connection was because he was the balance. Despite his desire to live a normal life and not become royalty in the Realms; the Infinite Realms claimed him regardless. Clockwork had told him that it was because he was the balance, that the Realms had claimed him as such. He was the only true halfa in existence, Vlad was starting to turn more ghostly every day, and his body was slowly dying, Ellie was created she hadn’t been born alive and then half died so it wasn’t the same. 
But Danny? He had died halfway, he had become half living and half dead and had become basically a Schrodinger’s cat because of it. And since he had this perfect balance to him, he was the one to rule the balance, to keep up with if things in either the land of the living or the land of the dead were out of balance. This resulted in his getting his ass thrown onto the newly created Council of Ancients that ran the Infinite Realms as a fucking junior member because apparently, his connection to the Infinite Realms meant that he was on his way to becoming an ancient. And now he had been stuck with a position of power despite his refusal.
So, because of this, he was immediately alerted by the Infinite Realms themselves that something was wrong. Someone was here that wasn’t meant to be and he had to get them out of here before it threw everything out of wack. 
The problem was that the Infinite Realms didn’t tell him where this thing was, all it told him was that something that didn’t belong was there and he needed to find a way to get it out. Which was how he was brought to his current location. He stood in the castle of the Infinite Realms searching through the archives for that Ancient’s damned infini-map because he swore he left it here but where?
“What are you doing?” An annoying, irritating voice asked angrily and Danny turned to find Ghost Writer glaring at him, his arms crossed over his chest. “You are destroying my library.”
“I’m looking for something,” Danny said with a huff before he turned back to the pile of books he was tearing apart to find that stupid fucking map. 
“What are you looking for!? I have a system Daniel, a system and you are destroying my library!”
“I’m looking for the stupid map! There’s something in the Infinite Realms that shouldn’t be here but I can’t fucking find it without the map. Where did you put it?” Danny exclaimed, turning on a heel to glare at his enemy. 
Ghost Writer scoffed, pressing a hand to his chest in offense. “I didn’t do anything to it except put it in its rightful spot,” he said before summoning the map and holding it out for Danny. “You will be cleaning this up once you finish your blasted mission or else I will be having another conversation with FrostbiteFrosbite regarding your behavior.”
Danny rolled his eyes and snatched the stupid map from him and stormed out of the library, muttering about hateful librarians. Frostbite was the one in charge of Danny until he had actually become an Ancient, had said that he would be responsible for any of the child’s actions until he was old enough to conduct himself. Despite the fact that Danny was twenty-two in living years, he was considered a baby ghost until his hundredth year of existence, he would be considered an ancient upon his five hundredth year of existence. Until then, he was just a baby who couldn’t control himself, according to the other ghosts. It was why he got along so well with Ember, Johnny, Kitty, and Youngblood, they were all still considered baby ghosts as well. 
The halfa grumbled to himself as he looked over the map of the Infinite Realms and tried to relax as Clockwork had instructed him, letting his shoulders drop down, letting the tension leave his body. He let out a soft hum as he focused on the pull he felt in his core, the very thing telling him that there was something wrong in the InfiniteInfinte Realms that he needed to fix. Slowly the information on the map started to change and morph and then it appeared. 
He let out a groan as the dot appeared in the ghostly version of Gotham, his least favorite part of the Infinite Realms. With an annoyed huff, Danny rolled up the map and stuck it in his chest, and took off out of the castle and through the realms to the worst part of the Infinite Realms. 
It wasn’t the ruler of the area that was bad, actually, he adored Lady Gotham, she was a member of the council and the sweetest ghost he had ever met. It was the souls who drove him up the wall. Each one demanded that he solve their murder, demanded that he help them get revenge on this villain or that one and basically drive him insane. 
Martha and Thomas Wayne in particular drove him up the wall. The two had approached Danny numerous times begging for him to protect their son, to try and get him to stop whatever it was that he was doing and each time Danny said no. If it didn’t go against the balance of the realms, he didn’t step in. The fact that their son decided to not get help after their murders and become a vigilante in a furry costume to fight crime was not a reason for Danny to intervene. Now if he had summoned his parents and tied their ghosts to him, then Danny would step in. 
His job was to make sure that the ghosts passed over and that they stayed in the Infinite Realms rather than cause mayhem in the living realms. Just as he made sure that humans didn’t stay within the Infinite Realms if they ever appeared here. The only one he ever had to deal with was usually John Constantine but at this point, it seemed like he finally got the message. 
Danny flew through the Infinite Realms and his feet slowly landed on the ground of Gotham City. He looked around and wrinkled his nose as the tug to his core grew stronger. Yup, whatever was wrong was here. He pulled the map out of his chest and looked at it once more. 
“Oh good, you’re here,” a woman said, her voice laced with a strong Jersey Accent. 
Danny glanced up and smiled at Lady Gotham who stood before him, her form that of a nineteen-twenties Black woman. She dressed as most women who had been a part of the Harlem Renaissance, or well in the Lady’s case, Gotham RenaissanceReneissance as a lot of the same things that had occurred in Harlem had trickled into Gotham at the time. Her hair sat coifed up in a beautiful afro upon her head, large hoop earrings hug from her lobes and a beautiful flapper-style dress and simple black heels covered her. She was gorgeous beyond words and Danny felt his core flutter at the ghost before him. 
“Hi Lady Gotham,” he said with a small smile on his face. 
“Hi Danny,” she said before grabbing his wrist and pulling him through the streets of what looked like Upper Gotham. “I’m glad you’re here, I need you to figure out what we should do, he’s not a ghost but he isn’t alive either. I know him but he doesn’t know who he is, he also doesn't know that he’s dead and it’s not right? As in he’s not dead correctly?”
Danny frowned and followed the ancient down the street quickly. “What do you mean he isn’t dead?”
“He’s like you, but not?” Lady Gotham said, screwing her nose up as she frowned. 
At that, the halfa let out a soft hum, maybe that was why the Infinite Realms had been bothering him so much to fix this. The two hurried down the streets of Gotham until they approached Wayne Manor and Danny let out a whine. 
“Please don’t tell me that Martha and Thomas are here?” He complained. 
Lady Gotham just gave him an amused smile and opened the doors to the manor and led him inside. “Alright, Lord Phantom has arrived, we shall let him look at the boy and decide what we should do now.”
Danny sighed and looked over the room to find both Waynes in the sitting room as well as a young boy around the age of fourteen sitting slumped down on the couch, his arms crossed over his chest. He was wearing a ripped-up and destroyed Robin suit, his lips curled up in a scowl. 
He looked at the boy and then at the Waynes. “I still don’t understand what I’m doing here,” he said, feeling even more confused. Then his core tugged at the boy roughly and he nearly stumbled at the weight. 
He looked at the boy again. “You’re not dead. But you are dead,” he murmured, stepping towards the kid and walking around him slowly as he took him in. He was definitely in a ghost form, the snow-white hair, red eyes, and greenish skin were the giveaway. But there was a strand of black hair at the front of his head, not only that but there was something obviously different about him, something not quite dead. 
“Yeah, that’s what they said too,” he grumbled. “Look do you know who the fuck I am? Because these assholes know but they won’t tell me shit.”
Danny frowned, his brow furrowed in concern as he looked the kid over once again and took a seat on the couch with him. “What do you know? Do you remember anything?” he asked, taking the kid’s hand in his and pressing his fingers to the pulse point on his wrist and feeling the dull beats of a heart. It was far too slow, even slower than Danny’s in his human form which only beat five times per minute. This kid’s heart was still beating once per minute. 
Robin shrugged his shoulders. “Not much. I woke up wearing these ripped-up clothes and had a major headache, I’m kinda hungry and something feels wrong. I don’t think I’m supposed to be here but I don’t know where I’m supposed to be either.”
Danny hummed and looked him over. “You want answers?” He asked. 
“Phantom, you don’t know if it would be more harm than good,” Thomas warned, stepping forward. Danny held a hand up, ignoring the man as he looked down at Jason Todd, a boy who was completely and totally out of balance, who had died before his time and not only that, he didn’t die right.
“You were very scared when you died, but not only that, you were very angry,” Danny said softly, looking Jason in the eyes, ignoring the complaints from the Waynes as Lady Gotham ushered them out of the room. “You went to find your mother, desperate to have her love. But what you got was betrayal, betrayal, and a crazy ass clown who murdered you in cold blood and your dad didn’t make it in time.”
Jason let out a snarl. “He didn’t come, he was supposed to be there, he was supposed to save me.”
“And he didn’t, and you were murdered. You’re angry, aren’t you?” Danny asked, tilting his head to the side as he summoned a small portal that showed a version of Jason Todd clawing himself out of his grave and stumbling out mindlessly, like a zombie almost. Danny looked back at Jason. 
“Your name is Jason Todd, you are best known as Robin, Batman’s sidekick, his right-hand man. You were murdered by the Joker and you want revenge, you want to avenge your death,” he said, staring dead into those red eyes of an angry revenant who let out a snarl. 
“I want more than revenge, I want the Joker destroyed and I want my dad to be the one to do it. He should have been there,” Jason snarled out, his eyes glowing bright, ectoplasmic green as the anger grew more and more. “And I’ll get him to do it one way or another.”
“Phantom,” Lady Gotham said softly, worry lacing her voice as she watched the scene in front of her in concern. 
“A revenant, Lady Gotham, Jason Todd died and became a revenant. He’s so angry with his own murder that he is forcing himself to come back to life to get revenge, even if he didn’t realize it himself. His human form has already dug itself out of the grave, now Jason needs to find a conduit to send him from our world to the human world once again.”
“And how are you going to do that?” The ghost asked, looking down at Jason who was now stewing in his own anger. 
Danny quirked up his lips in a small smile and looked over at the small portal showing him what was happening in the world of the living. “Nothing, look,” he said as Talia al Ghul approached Jason’s zombie-like body and pulled him into a nondescript car. “The League of Assassins have found him. He will likely be dipped into the Lazarus pits and reconnected with his body.”
“So we just leave him like this until they do that?” Lady Gotham asked incredulously. 
Danny looked back at Jason and shook his head. “No, we’ll make sure they pull him through. But we won’t be able to stop the rage he is going to feel, he’s angry and he wants revenge. And that anger isn’t going to go away until he finds that revenge.”
“Revenants die after they get their revenge, Phantom. He’s going to live a half-life up there, one full of anger and heartbreak and then he’s going to die again,” she said sadly, looking at one of her wards. 
At that, the Lord of Balance let out a hum and took Jason’s hand in his. “No, he won’t. Jason Todd is going to live a very long life,” he declared as he collected a handful of ectoplasm and slowly pressed it into the revenant’s chest. “The ecto will keep him alive well into his eighties unless he somehow dies on the job or something else. Jason Todd, upon getting revenge for your death, you have my blessing as Phantom, Lord of Balance to continue living until your time has truly come. Do not waste this second shot at life,” he advised softly. 
Jason tore his eyes away from the hole he had been burning into the ground and looked at Danny. “I can go back?” He whispered softly. 
Danny just nodded and gave him a small smile. “Go back, get your revenge, and then live a very long and happy life. I don’t want to see you again for a very long time, do you understand?”
He swallowed and nodded his head. “Yes, yeah I can do that.”
The halfa gave him a small, secretive smile. “The rage you are going to feel is not a bad thing, it’s what’s going to keep you going, what’s going to keep you alive. Learn how to use it for more than just anger, okay? Learn to live with the rage and learn to live again.”
“How do I use it for more than just anger?” Jason whispered. “I’m so angry I want to kill I want to destroy everything.”
“You’ll remind yourself that not everyone gets a second chance, you’ll remind yourself that you are very lucky to be able to live again, many ghosts would kill for that chance. So you won’t waste it, right? You won’t waste my gift in allowing you to live after you’ve gotten your revenge.”
Jason shook his head and shot forward, hugging Danny tight. “Thank you.”
Danny just smiled and hugged him back as a portal opened behind Jason. He pulled away from the revenant and shoved him through the portal roughly.
“Are you sure this is a wise decision?” Lady Gotham asked softly watching through Danny’s portal as Jason came through the Lazarus Pits with a gasp. 
Danny nodded his head. “Yup. He’s not meant for our world, not yet. But he’s going to be a very strong ghost one day. But until then, he deserves life.”
“What are you going to do about the Observants?”
Danny smiled and picked up a small green post-it note from where Jason had just been sitting. “I think we will find that they won’t put up that much of a fight,” he said, showing the note to Lady Gotham. 
Send Jason Todd Back. - CW
@dpxdcdisneyau
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lemonlover1110 · 1 year
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𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏 𝐎𝐅 𝐀 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃
Toji Fushiguro
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Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader
Summary: Ever since Megumi was born, all the attention that Toji received was taken from him. Luckily, he finds a friend's help. A friend that he's willing to help out with her baby fever.
Warnings: Smut, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Infidelity, Public Sex (Sort of), Some Angst (If you want to look at it like that), Breeding Kink, Mentions of pregnancy, Creampie
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Since Megumi was born, Toji’s life has drastically changed. For better or for worse. Toji really can’t tell. He knows he loves his wife and his son, but Toji finds himself bored. He hates what goes through his mind and that he can’t find himself excited, but he’s so bored.
He’s bored out of his mind as everyone gawks at the baby. It’s his first birthday, and while Toji should be up there with his wife, taking pictures, he’s sitting annoyed on a corner. He wanted a small party with his wife’s family and friends. He didn’t know that she had this many family and friends. He’s just bored because he can’t even hold his baby for a simple minute. Someone always wants to hold the baby with their grimy hands.
“Toji, can you start gathering Megumi’s gifts so we can open them soon?” His wife asks him and he has no option but to nod. He stands up and walks to the entrance of the place to get the gifts that are on a table near the front door. He finds you there, putting on your coat.
“Leaving so soon?” He comments, and you turn to look at him and smile.
“Megumi is giving me major baby fever. I can’t handle it anymore.” You share, and he chuckles. He wishes that was his problem at the moment. You pat his arm and smile at him, “Take care of yourself, Toji. Tell your wife that I’m sorry I couldn’t give her a proper goodbye.”
“Why don’t you stay a while longer?” He suggests. You bite your bottom lip, thinking if it’s worth it. You’re just tired and really don’t need the baby fever. He can tell you’re hesitant, and he ends up sighing before saying, “Maybe I shouldn’t be allowed to say this because he is my son but I’m kind of bored…”
“Oh?” You raise an eyebrow before chuckling. You really aren’t surprised, after all, Toji has been sitting on a corner the whole entire time. “What are you supposed to be doing? Getting the gifts?”
“How did you know?” Toji chuckles as if you aren’t seeing him hold the wrapped objects in his hands. He watches as you begin to take off your coat, once again showing the black dress that you were wearing underneath. Toji will say one thing, it fits you right. “Can you wait here? I’ll be back.”
“Uh… Sure.” You respond, unsure as to why Toji wants you to wait by the front door. You’d agree to have a drink with him or something along those lines, but it seems Toji has a different idea in mind. One that you have no clue about.
You wait for Toji to reappear. And when he does, he walks to the door and opens it. You’re not sure why he wants to exit the place. “Come help me.”
“Oh? If all you needed was some help then you could’ve told me.” You laugh before following Toji out the door. You assume it’s something quick which is why you don’t bother grabbing your coat. “Did you buy some extravagant gift for Megumi or something?”
“Hmm… There is a gift in the trunk, but I wouldn’t call it extravagant.” Toji tells you as you walk to the SUV. Maybe it’s a heavy gift that he can’t carry by himself and he’s embarrassed to say. It’s weird that he’d consider you out of all people. But you’re also the only one that wasn’t fawning over the baby.
He opens the trunk, and it’s empty. You look at him confused. You’re even more confused when he smirks. You feel his large hand land on the small of your back, which takes you by surprise.
“Really can’t believe that stinky baby is giving you baby fever.” Toji comments, his face coming closer and closer to yours. You’re close friends with his wife. Yet you can’t seem to push him away as he gets dangerously close to you.
“How does my baby fever concern you?” You question. The harmless comment you made earlier wasn’t meant to initiate anything.
“A woman as beautiful as you is single and with baby fever. Maybe I can help.” Toji says. You’re shivering in the cold as you look into his eyes. You’re not sure what to do. You know what you shouldn’t do, but you also want to do what feels good for you.
“Hmm… I’m kind of cold.” You tell him in hopes that reality will knock into him. Yet it doesn’t. Quite the opposite.
“I can help you warm up… Get you hot, even.” He begins, his lips centimeters away from yours. So close to touching yours. You don’t understand where this sudden careless behavior comes from. Frankly, neither does he. Always a doting and loyal husband to his wife. But today he’s worked up and will run to anyone that gives him attention.
And luckily or unlucky for you, you’re looking stunning while also giving him the slight attention he wants. He’s always wanted to fuck you at least once, but sadly he met you after getting into a longterm relationship. He’s never wanted to cheat on his wife, until this very moment. 
He pecks your lips. That’s already considered cheating so he might as well go all the way. He hopes that you’re willing to go all the way with him. His lips go to your ear and he whispers, “I can give you a baby. One just like Megumi too. Don’t you want that?”
“I–” You can’t seem to find the right response. You should reject him, but that’s the last thing on your mind. “What if someone walks out and sees?”
“That I’m being a good friend and helping you with your baby fever?” He responds, his lips going back to hovering over yours. He pecks your lips once again. “They’re all too focused on the baby anyway.”
“Why are you doing this?” You question, while you also wonder why you’re not doing anything about it. Toji is undeniably attractive, but you’re a good person. You wouldn’t do this to your friend. 
“I just want to help you… and your baby fever.” He replies. This time it’s you that kisses him. It’s not just a peck either as your tongue licks his bottom lip before his parts lips. Your tongue enters his mouth and presses against his tongue.
While you kiss, his hands wander your body and while they’re cold, when they touch your skin they light a fire inside of you. He makes sure to feel up every inch of your body before he pulls away, biting your bottom lip.
“Can’t we do this somewhere else? I’m kind of cold.” You question. He turns you around, doubting that after this you’ll be cold. You’ll be anything but cold when he’s done with you. He bends you over, not even saying anything. He doesn’t care if the neighbors get to peek at what he’s doing, they wouldn’t dare to tell anyone because Toji is simply just terrifying.
“We have to make this quick.” He says lifting your dress. He pushes your panties to the side, two fingers going through your folds before he brings those same fingers up to his lips and gets them wet with his saliva. The same fingers go back down to your cunt, and he pushes them inside you.
He hears your soft moans as he preps you with his thick fingers. His fingers won’t compare to the real thing, but he has to do something to help you. He really doesn’t want to waste too much time on fingering you since every second is valuable. 
Toji really doesn’t care to make you come, he just wants to get his dick wet. He’s just trying to make sure his dick isn’t too much for you. And he does admit that your cunt feels good around his fingers.
Just as your hand moves down to your clit to play with it, he takes his fingers out. You’re disappointed, but you get excited at the thought of the real thing. His wife is always happy and you’ve always wondered if it’s because Toji is gifted. You’re about to find out, and it’s fair to say you’re excited.
You hear his belt unbuckle and you close your eyes, anxiously waiting. Your excitement grows as you feel the tip of his cock run through your folds. Usually you’d use some sort of protection, but since he’s going to give you a baby, that isn’t necessary. 
“Oh-” You gasp as he plunges himself into you. Every inch inside of you in less than a second. And you understand his wife. He’s big. 
He fills just right inside of you. He begins to move, and you can’t help but moan at his every move, not caring if anyone walks by and hears. It’s hard for you not to when his cock hits all the right spots.
“So big-” You mutter. Just as Toji thought; the moment this started, the cold was forgotten. You bite your bottom lip as you feel one of Toji’s large hands on your throat. He pulls you back so you’re on his chest. You look up at him, eyes filled with lust as well as guilt.
You’re doing this to your friend. You feel some sort of guilt but the pleasure quickly overshadows it. 
“You really want a baby?” He questions while ramming into you. The sound of skin slapping is loud, and if everyone inside wasn’t so focused on baby Megumi, then someone would’ve come to check it out. But luckily that’s not the case.
“I want a baby, Toji.” You respond. One hand goes down to your clit to play with it, wanting to at least orgasm one time before this is all over.
“Gonna knock you up.” He says. He loves how your cunt wraps around him. He also loves the soft moans that leave your lips with his every move. He won’t last too long, which is why he was hoping because he really doesn’t want his wife to look for him and find him balls deep inside of her friend. “You want my babies?”
“Fuck–” You moan as you feel your orgasm approach. You shut your eyes, trying to take it all. From the way he’s thrusting into you, you can tell he’s been deprived of this. Poor thing was probably so desperate.
“Gonna fill you up with my cum and make sure you end up pregnant. Just like you wanted, right?” He keeps on saying, and you can’t deny how hot you find it. The thought of him getting you pregnant is so exciting for whatever reason.
“Shit–” You moan, putting your hands on his car as your orgasm takes over you. Your legs nearly give out, and the fact that Toji is pounding into you doesn’t help.
“Beg for it.” He orders, and you’re caught off guard and confused as to what he means. “Beg for my babies. Want you to beg for my cum.”
“Please, Toji. Please please please come inside of me. Get me pregnant.” You do as he orders, and he smirks. He gives a couple more thrusts before he explodes inside of you, your cunt flooded by his seed.
As quickly as he finishes, he fixes himself back up and walks back inside. As if nothing had happened, which you shouldn’t be hurt about but you find that your feelings are affected. You still fix yourself up and walk back inside for your coat.
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“Oh… Hey…” Toji greets you when he notices you sitting in the living room. You awkwardly smile before you give your attention to the toddler that you’re holding.
Three months after your little slip up, you’ve distanced yourself from them. Toji couldn’t care less while his wife has found herself worried sick about you.
“Look who finally came to visit us.” His wife speaks. This is certainly awkward. “And she comes with bad news too.”
“Oh? What?” Toji questions, a little worried. Of course he didn’t mean what he was saying during sex. He just had to keep things exciting. You wanted a baby, what could be more exciting than that?
“I’m moving.” You answer. It takes some weight off his shoulders, that’s for sure. He finds you extremely attractive– Hell, at times he thinks you’re better looking than his wife. He will certainly miss seeing you around, but at the same time not at all.
“She’s also pregnant.” His wife says, and Toji’s glad he isn’t eating or sipping anything because he would’ve been choking. His eyes widen and he tries to not be affected by the news, but he can’t help but be. Mainly because he knows that baby is his.
“That didn’t have to be shared.” You mutter as you look at baby Megumi.
“I told her she should stay so we could help her out and stuff. Won’t you help me, honey?” She asks, and Toji is taking deep breaths to calm himself down. He finally says,
“I think she should do what’s best for herself.”
“Ugh. You’re no help, honey.” She rolls her eyes before her focus completely falls on you, “How did this even happen?”
“I guess that baby fever really took over me.” You chuckle. She chuckles as well. Toji copies.
There’s nothing funny about this situation for any of you.
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🏷 @dearsunaa @mykyoon @tojidilfs @b3ast1706 @crispmarshmallow @levismainbabe @matchabluebeiry-for-nanami @nobody289x @galactict3a @nothisispatrick300 @tojianddabisslut @katsuwhore @septembersums @thisbicc @rumi-rants @chloee0x0 @dakumarauder @lovemarvel16 @lilithlunas
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2knightt · 11 months
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gwjgdkebdj ive never asked anything from u before but can you do the gang with a reader who stims a lot cuz like i often stim like with my hands or like vocal stims like squeaking or certain words and idk how would they feel about that because i do it alot :]
↳pharmacy’s rotting my brain!₊˚✧
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──IN WHICH, the gang with a reader that tends to stim!。✦
||✰ — the gang, separately can be seen as both romantic and platonic.
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Johnny Cade ;
probably doesn’t care.
he thinks is a little odd at first, but gets used to it pretty fast
if you tend to do it when you’re nervous, he picks up on it pretty fast.
like, if you were in a public space that’s crowded and you were to start stimming, vocally or not, he’d notice immediately.
he’d take you away from the area ASAP.
“you good?”
“ye-yeah. back there jus, scared me is all.”
“yeah. i noticed.”
i think he tends to like, play with his fingers when he’s nervous so…he makes sure you don’t feel alone or weird because of it.
you feeling insecure over something you cannot control is beyond him.
so, he tries his very best to help you in any way possible.
if you need him to hold your hand to stop you from stimming so much in front of new people, he will NOT let go.
“johnny we left, you can let go.”
“no.”
“okay.”
Dallas Winston ;
i don’t think he minds much.
but if anyone else had a problem with it, he’d have a problem with them.
“the hell are they doing?”
“is it a problem?”
“yeah, it’s annoying.”
BAM!
dead.
he tries to understand why you do it, but doesn’t.
“i’ve told you already, dal.”
“yeah but, why?”
when you like, squeaked around him for the first time, he was probably scared.
“AH! what the fuck?!”
gets used to it though.
“jesus christ, y/n. you sound like a mouse.”
“shut up.”
if you get nervous around him and start stimming he probably would throw an arm around your shoulder and rubs his thumb up n down your arm.
he tries to help, sometimes, but fails so bad.
you probably just end up laughing at him.
Ponyboy Curtis ;
honestly, i can see pony stimming too. just a little bit though.
so, seeing you stim too make him feel less lonely.
ponyboy probably stims when he’s alone only but when you came along you’re like, the only person to know.
“me too!”
“i know, y/n. that’s why i told you.”
“oh.”
he’s always there for you!! like always.
it lowkey gets kinda annoying but whatever.
it helps ponyboy stay calm knowing your alright.
Sodapop Curtis ;
will also, beat the shit outta someone for making fun of you.
“stop that.”
“they can’t control that.”
“so? it’s annoyi-“
knocked out!
even a broken jaw, perhaps.
he is your number one defender!!!
i can see soda stimming when he gets excited, like shaking him hands, all that.
he totally understands you!!
he doesn’t mind if you do vocal stims.
you and sodapop legit understand each other.
i feel like he gets you. idk.
Darry Curtis ;
scared. he was lowkey scared when you stimmed around him.
he doesnt know why you do it??
don’t even bother trying to explain it to him.
but he gets used to it, n’ that’s all that matters.
he doesn’t even bat n’ eye no more.
he’s learning so fast at his old age!☺️
jokes…maybe.
if your certain word was like fuck or something, he lets it slide.
i think darry’s the type of guy to go “LANGUAGE!” when someone swears.
but he won’t for you.
“what? you aren’t gonna yell at them?”
“no.”
“what???”
“don’t ask anymore questions, you hear?”
Steve Randle ;
will beat the shit out of someone too.
0 fucking hesitation.
ZERO.
he is swinging without a second thought.
but, i do unfortunately have to admit, he thought it was weird at first.
he didn’t understand why you would squeak, or move your hands constantly.
but, slowly but surely, he got the idea.
i don’t see himself doing it, but he gets you.
Two-bit Mathews ;
i can see two-bit playing with his hands when he gets too excited.
so seeing you stim, isn’t weird to him at all.
he lowkey thinks it normal.
he thinks your squeaking is funny.
“HAHAHA! y-y/n, who knew you could make such cute sounds!”
he means it in a good way.
i swear he does😭.
i think he picks up on playing with his hands like how you do if he spends enough time with you.
“jeez, y/n. i’ve been hanging out with you so much ‘m starting to become you!”
“oh, shut it!”
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Text
Chapter 36: In Which Twig Is Put Back Together
I told them everything. And I did it crying harder than I thought was mortally possible, Twig scratched onto the pages of a hardcover journal. I blabbed everything and I did it while dribbling all over them both. I think they were more grossed out by the dribbling part than the ‘me indirectly killing an entire bunker of people’ part. I tried the same garbage as always to argue my point that it was my fault, and Celebi looked ready to slap me. I think she honestly might have if Dusknoir didn't grab her midair and walk her away in his hand. It's a good thing he did, because I started crying even harder when Grovyle said something like he's glad I survived the fire and Kip gave me the saddest look ever. He started crying too. I don't think anyone should see two people bawling their eyes out and clinging to each other like we were. It was kind of gross. If Dusknoir and Celebi stayed to watch, I might have died of shame. Grovyle being there was hard enough. 
The Future Trio stayed over for a while longer at Kip's place. There was a lot of talking that happened, and I honestly don't remember a lot of it. I should have written it down as it happened. Basically it was just people talking circles about how they couldn't believe I thought they hated me and how I meant a lot to them. I think I fell asleep mid-sentence at one point because I was so worn out from the crying. I'm never crying again. The one time during the hug was okay— it was fitting. But Celebi gave me an English dictionary before they all packed up and left, and I didn't even realize I was crying until she was grabbing for tissues. That felt pretty ridiculous. It's just a book. But it almost felt like she’d given me a drink of water the night I left my bunker behind. Dunno how to say it in a normal way, but it helped me feel better. 
It's a real one. She found a real Oxford Language Dictionary. It's missing pages and dogeared to heck and back, but Arceus, this thing is like my baby. I keep taking it off the shelf just to hold it in my hands. I'm sure she had to have pulled some strings with Dialga to bring something like this back from the past or future or whatever, but she kept saying it wasn't any problem to get. Judging by the look Grovyle gave her, it was a big problem to get, but I'm glad she went through it to give it to me. There’s even etymology included for a lot of the words in it. Pronunciations and everything. It's gold. 
What else to say… When Dusknoir said to try keeping a journal, I didn't think it would be so hard to decide what to write! As always, his ideas are annoying and weirdly effective. It does feel like I'm not as frazzled now that I'm writing regularly. What else to include, though… 
Kip asked me if I wanted to move back in with him. I tried to, but I actually got homesick for Verdant Village after a while. We decided to just keep a room open for each other at each of our places so that we can crash at either house whenever we want to. He loves the library in Verdant Village whenever he comes over. I'm pretty sure the Swadloon that runs it has a crush on him, but I don't think he knows. I'm eager to see how long it takes for him to realize it. 
I finally took up Gardevoir on her offers to have me over for dinner. Lyra never fails to show off some new toy or trinket to me whenever I come visit. At first I thought that she just wanted to talk to someone new about her things, but it clicked for me the other day that she wanted to talk to me in particular about them. That… um. It was weird. Nice, but really weird. She's a good kid. 
I wonder if Manaphy is old enough to visit Treasure Town by now… I need to figure out how to contact Walrein. It's hard to send letters underwater, I think, but I'll figure something out. 
She set the journal aside and stretched her arms and back, rolling her shoulders as she stood up from the writing desk Kip had begged her to buy. It was more than worth the investment. She was never writing using the floor as a table again. Her entry for the day written, she stepped out into the warm sunlight trickling between the leaves overhead and started her usual routines. She chopped firewood, she brought water in from the spigot at the edge of her property to wash the dishes from last night, she went to the market and got some peppers that seemed like something fun to try cooking with. It was her day off between running her shop and going dungeon delving, so she decided to go for a walk like usual to kill time before she'd need to meet up with Gallade for Lyra's exploration lessons. 
The hiking trails were well-kept in Verdant Village, sometimes to the point of being better maintained than the main roads that people traveled through town with. Twig had discovered a number of real hidden gems since she'd moved back in, and she made use of them as often as possible. 
Oddly enough, apparently Darkrai frequented the trail she was on right then as well. 
She hadn't seen him since the day she bore her soul to everyone she'd been keeping secrets from. He'd vanished somewhere between their argument and the hug that sent her spiraling head first into all the heartbreak she'd been refusing to acknowledge, and he hadn't shown his face in the months after. Celebi kept in touch with him via telepathy and responded to Twig's occasional request for an update on where the heck is this guy and what the heck is he doing by saying that he was doing some traveling and thinking. Twig could believe the thinking bit— Darkrai was calculating and cautious, and Ark was analytical and prone to deliberation— but really? Traveling? It seemed strange to imagine the Legend as being a globetrotter all of a sudden. But then again, he had taken in all the sights on the way to Cresselia’s mountain with such awe and enthusiasm that it was easier to imagine him enjoying that sort of thing than she thought it should be. 
He was supposed to be traveling. He was supposed to be on some sort of quest of soul-searching and pondering. But here he was, several yards off the path, hidden in the foliage and tucked within the shadows. 
“Dude,” Twig eloquently began, “I can see you.”
There was a moment of hesitation before he rose from the shadows, plainly bewildered by her ability to pick him out amongst the dappled shade of the trail. 
She sighed. “You're still you–shaped when you do that. You mess up the rest of the shadows around you. And you're… I dunno how to put it, your shadow is noisy, I guess. If that even makes sense.” 
He hummed a low note. 
“I don't think I ever thanked you for what you did. Um. I appreciate it. Or at least I do now.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What do you have to thank me for?”
“Ark, I'm not stupid. It was pretty obvious looking back on things that you waited until I was in earshot of the gang to start really getting under my skin with what you asked me. If you hadn't, and if they hadn't overheard me chewing you out for it, I probably wouldn't have said anything to anyone about…” She waved a hand. “It's because you did that that I've been doing better, even if it's indirectly.”
“I see.”
“So, uh… How you been?” 
“Well enough,” he answered, and did not elaborate. 
She frowned. “Cool. Have you seen anything neat on your travels?”
“Many things.” 
“Many, huh? Stuff like…?”
“Nothing leaps to mind.”
He's way less chatty now. Weird. “When…” She leaned against a tree opposite to him and fidgeted with her hands, trying to summon the courage to ask him a question that had been eating away at her for months. “When did your memories come back?”
He gave her a wary look. “Why this interest?”
“I've had some other stuff come back for me while you were gone. I wanted to ask so I could get an idea of what's triggering their returns. It seems random at times.” 
Darkrai looked away for a moment, hackles raising. “It was… on the expedition we embarked on. You took a hit intended for myself. I recalled a young human doing the same for a grovyle, and somehow understood that it was you in the memory, though that was only the first to return.”
“The first—? You really only remembered that one snippet?”
“It was in bits and pieces that the entirety of my memory returned; a gradual process. Your rejection of my request to join Team Venture was when everything fell into place and I understood what the scattered recollections meant.”
That gave her pause. “You knew then? And you didn't say anything until I totally healed up from my leg getting broken?”
“It was… difficult to reconcile the perceptions I had of you. On the one hand, you were an adversarial nuisance who foiled my every effort to achieve anything. On the other, you had showed me a care I had not received in living memory and given me a new perspective.”
Huh. Celebi wasn't kidding about me changing his mind. Wonder how I managed that. “I can get that. It took me a bit to get used to the idea of you being so different when Cresselia first met you.”
He gave her a vicious glare, cold and poisonous. 
“Calm down. I'm not going to let anything slip about your past, especially when you haven't blabbed about mine. Thanks for that, by the way. Dunno if I could've handled Dark Crater if you had said anything back then.”
His glare twitched, venomousness flickering as it gave out into something softer, though schooled by an uneasy sternness. “My failure to blab did not come from a place of kindness at that point. It was leverage I didn't intend to give up. Surely you can grasp that.”
“I can. Doesn't change the fact you didn't say anything before I did.”
Silence. Leaves brushed together in quiet whispers as the wind passed through the treetops. The air was heavy around them. Twig could smell rain on its way. 
“I'm sorry,” he finally said, and Twig realized she hadn't been able to pick out the mournful crease of his brow or the barely noticeable desperation in his posture when she first met him in Mount Travail all that time ago. Before, he was practically unreadable to her. Now she was able to see the nervous twitch in his fingers, the hesitancy in his volume. He’d always seemed so closed-off in her mind’s eye, but he had swiftly become an open book, given time. 
She blinked, taken aback by his words. The shame in them, the disgust with himself— it was obvious he wasn't apologizing only for holding her past as leverage, and it was an apology he didn't expect to be accepted. 
“Hey.” She punched him in the arm, earning a startled grunt. “You got somewhere to stay?”
He squinted at her. “No.”
“I've got a bunch of spare rooms if you're down.” 
“If I'm—?” His eyes widened, then narrowed. “You're making fun of me.”
“Not in the slightest.”
“I…” He tilted his head slightly, looking like he was trying to pick out a seed of sarcasm he was convinced lay in her words. “If you're certain it is well with you.”
She nodded as a sense of heaviness lifted from her. Somehow, a weight she'd been carrying was taken away by those words. “I'm gonna finish my hike. Let's walk and talk; Celebi made it sound like you saw every corner of the globe and I want to hear the highlights.”
She started off down the path,  Darkrai falling into her wake as she passed. “Globes don't have corners. Not having corners is the entire purpose of a globe.” He sighed. “I suppose I could enlighten you. There was a number of locations you’d likely have found interesting. One in particular had a population that prided themselves on preserving a number of human words and phrases in their daily language…”
Twig enjoyed going for walks alone. It turned out she like to go for walks with company even more. 
***
Life was surprisingly mundane despite Twig having a Legend for a roommate. Darkrai insisted that Twig fill her house up with a more typical amount of furnishings, and Twig asked him what exactly she should fill the empty rooms with. He was at a loss and didn't answer. She had her suspicions that he hadn't been in many homes before, but didn't push him on the subject. She eventually figured out she'd been living almost exclusively out of her living room and that the numerous guest rooms in the back of the house were actually a study, a bedroom, and a pair of guest rooms, and that she should probably populate them with the proper furniture accordingly. Given time, Gardevoir no longer looked like she was going to have a conniption whenever she visited, and Twig was actually kind of proud of the decor she put together. 
It was during the evening as she looked over a bookcase she'd arranged a few books and keepsakes on, and she thought that she liked how she'd done it, that it occurred to her that this was the first time she could remember feeling proud of herself without any strings attached. She just liked how she'd angled a potted plant next to a stack of books. That was all. There was no baggage of doing it to make up for her being worthless or an awful, burdensome person— she'd simply done it for her own sake, and she liked what she'd done. That felt… weird. It felt weird, and scary in a number of ways. But she didn't run from it. She doubled down on her newfound pleasure in filling her home with pretty things. 
It was dumb to take so much joy in something so stupid. She didn't even have any system she used to decorate— she just stuck things where they looked nice with no rhyme or reason or even color palette to keep the baubles cohesive in their looks. It was dumb. But it was something that made her happy. It wasn't her usual kind of happy, either. This wasn't a flashbang of cheerfulness that faded fast and left her empty— it was quiet and warmed her bones even in the dead of night when she fought herself to get over her anxiety and insomnia and just sleep. 
It was easier to fight her insomnia hearing someone else moving about the house at night. Ark was quiet, but the muffled thud of a cabinet closing or a door creaking open as he went from room to room helped her feel like she could give up on her desperate need to be awake and aware at all times. She hadn't thought that sharing a home with him would ever be reassuring, but here she was— she'd woken up from a nightmare of her mind’s own making, another memory that the lunar feather hanging on her wall couldn't dissuade when it was busy canceling out Darkrai's aura already— gasping for breath and finally catching it when she heard the Legend getting himself a drink from the next room over. 
Her memories hadn't come back to her any more than they already had— it was still just those handfuls of images, of the days leading up to how she left her bunker to burn and now one nighttime vignette of Grovyle soothing her as a kid as well, that haunted her sleeping and waking hours. She wondered why her memories hadn't returned to her completely by now, especially when Darkrai's had despite him having amnesia for so much less time. Sometimes she wondered if maybe they'd never come back. But it was becoming more common these days for her to think that it wouldn’t be surprising if they were just dormant and waiting for a safe time to come back into the light. Given time, she was increasingly sure her past was bound to return to her in full, for better or for worse. 
She looked up from her journal. She wasn't writing a real entry at the moment, just flipping through old ones and adding a date here or there where she'd forgotten to include them. Ark was sat at the dining table, one of the heavier books he'd added to her collection sitting untouched before him as he instead pored over a thin book of fairy tales. It had been strange to get used to Darkrai and Ark being truly the same, but she supposed he had to get used to her being herself as well, so they were fairly even on that front. And besides— he still held a tambour and needle in the same way. 
She guessed not much had changed at all, in the end. He was still himself, whatever that meant, and she was still whoever Twig was. She still struggled to wrap her head around people loving her, but she was starting to see that there were some things about her worth caring about. There was still healing to do. There was so much of it that Twig found herself intimidated by recovery most days. There was so much healing to do ahead, but in the end, things had changed, just a little. She had some hope now. The past was still an enigma, the future was uncertain, but between the two sources of so much grief and anxiety lay something she was finally seeing as precious and lovely. The present was an excellent gift to receive, after all.  
She intended to cherish it.
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tobthoughts · 2 months
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destructive
saturday, february 17th, 04:35am
listening to: outside - catfish and the bottlemen
i’ve been feeling so weird about myself lately. is it possible to be walking on eggshells around your own mind? i’m always worried that the tiniest thing will trigger me and i won’t know how to come back from it. last year, october/november/december time, i was at my absolute worst in terms of mental health, and i’m still picking myself back up from that, so i’m worried that if anything goes even slightly wrong for me then i’ll just slip back into that mindset again.
i feel like a ticking time bomb.
earlier today i was talking to my fp and they sent a blunt message and i just shut down. i don’t know what’s wrong with me and i don’t know how to fix myself. it didn’t need to be as big of a problem as i made it into in my mind… they weren’t mad at me and nothing was wrong, they just didn’t know what to say. but that one message just made me feel so… inadequate. angry. hurt. i don’t know. i went from feeling all of the love in the world for them to feeling like they hated me within literally the space of a few minutes. i wanted to cry and rip out my hair and scream. over a message. it feels pathetic in hindsight, but i feel every single emotion so strongly that it literally creates these huge reactions within me over the smallest things.
i’ve been thinking about going to the doctor to see if they’ll up my medication dosage. i don’t know if it will actually help me, they’re just antidepressants, but it’s the only thing i can think of. i know there’s no medicine for being borderline; it can lessen and you can recover with therapy and time, but it’s not something that tablets can fix. i don’t know how to feel about it. i feel so broken. i wish i was normal. i know i’ve written about this before but it also makes relationships so hard for me. it’s a constant battle between wanting intimacy and fearing rejection. i want to be loved, wholly, truly, but i don’t think i know how to hold down a relationship in a way that isn’t chaotic and turbulent.
i have this deep seeded fear of rejection that stems from my past experiences of abandonment, which makes me hypersensitive to even the littlest signs of abandonment in relationships now, years later. so as a result, i’m either far too clingy and obsessive with people, or i completely push them away and distance myself to stop myself from getting hurt. but then people get bored of the clinginess - it stops being a cute “aww they love me!” and becomes annoying, or a hinderance. and i ruin my own relationships time and time again by closing myself off from the people i love. i never know when i’m being too much, or when to ask for help. sometimes i don’t know if it’s a coping mechanism or purposeful self sabotage.
when i ask for reassurance over small things i’m always terrified that i’ll be seen as needy, or too demanding, or that i’ll overwhelm the person. i can’t trust that my need for reassurance won’t be seen as a weakness or be used against me in the future. i don’t want to be judged or criticised for something that i can’t control. the idea that someone could see me asking to be assured of something and just find it silly is so genuinely hurtful. i just want to know that i’m loved without feeling like i’m asking for too much, or being too much.
it’s so difficult to create that sense of trust and safety within relationships. i always feel like i’m not good enough.
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countlessrealities · 1 month
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So, Vaggie, how are things going on your end? Seems like you've got yourself in a pretty complicated mess, just given the people you have to deal with. Alastor, Vox, Adam....
Unprompted asks || Always accepting !
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It takes Vaggie a great deal of self-control not to groan out loud at the question. She knows that she has brought this upon herself. Heavens, she was the one to start that mess, even if it wasn't her intention at all. But that doesn't mean that she appreciates people rubbing it in so merrily.
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"I'm doing juuuust peachy! Everything's great and totally under control, going according to plans," She answers, voice thick with sarcasm. "Can't you see it from my happy face?"
Her expression is already usually anything but cheerful, unless she's around Charlie, but these days it looks like someone is constantly screaming an annoying song in her ears.
"I know that this wouldn't have been easy. You said it, just look at who is involved. But...it wasn't supposed to be this fucking complicated and irritating either."
Perhaps Asmodeus is right, she should have expected things to go sideways and get messed up. She is in Hell, after all. Being tormented comes with living down there.
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"Vox is...insufferable. He should have just taken the bait and gotten distracted by Alastor, but nooo, his stupid ego had to get in the way and be an even bigger pain in my ass!" She hissed out in a heated tone that, however, held more exasperate than actual anger. "I know that he won't hold up his hand of the deal, if he loses, and he has to know that I know."
There is the chance that the Overlord doesn't, but she is refusing to believe he can think that she's that naive.
"So why the hell does he have to try so hard?! I'm even doing him a favour, lots of not-hostile time with his fetish crush. He should be thanking me, that clown!"
The next time they are face to face, she is going to spear him. Unless it's one of their drunk outings, the one they agreed that officially never happened. That's a time of truce between them.
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"Then there's Adam and he's..." Her voice trails off for a moment. "He's an ass, too full of himself to see what's happening around him. He's delusional, thinking that he can just sit in his fancy room and ignore all the strings attached. The idiot can't take care of himself."
There are many other complicated feelings ongoing there, but she refuses to mention it. That's something for her to know. Exclusively. And, maybe, if she doesn't acknowledge them, they will eventually go away.
"We've been comrades-in-arms for years. We're both angels...well, technically he isn't anymore, but that's not the point. He's my kin. And I have to prove I'm a better person than he'll ever be."
She looks away, obviously uncomfortable, but she quickly shakes off the feeling and lets her animosity come back.
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"And don't even get me started on Alastor! He had one job, making a deal, which is his thing and instead he...I don't even know what he's doing anymore!" She throws her hands in the air. "Distracting Vox was a good idea, I agree with him on that, but now everything is...weird. He won't tell me what the problem is and I keep getting mixed signals about the whole situation."
It's enough to give her a deer-shaped headache.
"Oh, and this morning he invited me over to his room for breakfast and asked me if modern people," she air-quotes the words, "still go out dancing for fun. What the fuck? He's planning something and, again, he won't tell me what. I'm so done with him. I should have never asked for his help."
With a dragged groan, she collapses on the sofa.
"So yeah, everyone is well and under control. I can handle this. Somehow."
{ @holoharbinger / @creationtainted - mentioned }
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quick-catton · 2 months
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Hi quick-catton!! First of all I love your page and I love your personality💕💕💕 I also LOVE Saturn and Felix and Oliver just-😫😫😫 I love it every time you post, it makes my day!! Right now I just really need your help. Today I had to go on another account just to send something to my ask box because since I started my account last year, I’ve gotten nothing and it really hurts.
I love how open and freaky you are in your posts and I’m honestly the same way with Saltburn and an anime fandom that I’ve shaped my blog around. I used to be a little calm and collected but you’re inspiring to just let go and let my freak flag fly but the problem is, with my fandom, I don’t think people are going to be very inviting. Like literally the only thing I wanna do right now is babygirl code my favorite anime character sooo badly but I’m afraid I’ll lose all my followers and when I try to I get no engagement.
Like I wrote three freaking paragraphs about how good he’d look with a navel piercing! That was this morning and I got nothing all day but four likes. No reblogs, no comments, I literally had to make another account and send myself some praise for that post just so I could post it to show people that at least someone else agrees with me.
And I know I should give it time but that’s the problem. Some of my other posts like that don’t grow. They just get five likes and that’s it and it sucks because all I wanna do is engage with people that want to see this boy in lingerie or a skirt or goddamn pregnant (told you I was a freak)
I just don’t know what to do. How do you deal that? I’m honestly this close to deleting my account coz it seems like I’m posting to a blank wall and it’s so embarrassing coz everyone can see it. Sorry this is so long! Thank you for quickcatton 💕💕
WAH ANON ur so sweet omg, thank you?? <33 honestly i feel like i don't have good advice because i only made a tumblr for the first time EVER at the beginning of january!!! i am 23 and had never set foot on this app, but i saw that most of the saltburn fandom was here, so i gave it a shot and i've just been learning as i go.
i think that's half of my 'luck' with having a good experience on this app, is that because this fandom is so fresh, it's super active, but it's also a very small fandom (relative to some others) so we're all kinda like a hivemind here LOL, and because of the source material of the movie itself being weird/freaky/psychosexual, we all know that anything goes and the more freaky the brainrot, the better! i'm in other fandoms where if i said half of the shit i say here, i'd be ostracized, so it's really a case by case basis unfortunately </3
ik i yap a lot here but i also hold back sooo much because even tho ik we're all weirdos here, i still get nervous about putting out my writing or not having people vibe with an idea– you're not alone in that, i promise. it helps forming friendships in your fandoms so you know that there'll always be people who you can get hype over ideas with, but i know that's easier said than done sometimes <3
i don't have advice on engagement because i honestly don't look at that stuff (which i know is so annoying to say lol but it's true); i made this account purely to have a place to dump brainrot/art etc and view other people's saltburn content and i didn't care about engagement, i just got lucky to meet some cool people and make close friends through it.
i think if people can tell you're having fun through your posts, they'll vibe with you! it does take time with the good ol' algorithm, i'm sure, but as long as your page brings YOU joy, that's what matters most. people don't have to agree with your takes, life is too short to be vanilla and water urself down for others :^) making fandom friends and gaining interactions will come along with being yourself, but if posting here and running the account feels more stressful to you than it is fun, it's okay to step away too!
if you're on ao3 and sites like that, leaving comments on your fave works can be a great way to get conversations going as well. i met my closest friend on here bc she stumbled across my fic on ao3 and then sent me a message; it was purely up to chance, but branching out and being brave starting conversations with your fave accounts can be a great way to feel more included in the fandoms you're in and maybe you'll meet cool people along the way!! <33
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chryzure-archive · 1 year
Note
im sorry abt your surgery, ill be there in spirit to hold your hand if you need it <3 wishing you the best and hopefully its just a scare and nothing to worry too much abt!!
as for asks...
i always love your music taste so, 5 songs youve had on repeat lately that make you think of chryzure + chrysijacks? also, if they were each a pair of unlikely animal friends (ie, a pig and a monkey lol) which ones would they be? def feeling rabbit and cat for chryzure.
this question is a very self-indulgent one cus ive been going thru a huge superhero phase but, if they were superheroes which ones would they be? this could either be made-up or existing superheroes-- personally, i think chrysi would be an AMAZING black cat/felicia hardy, she has the white hair and the dark aesthetic to match it :3 i def think azure would be a mutant/x-men (no particular reason, it just seems to match him?) and jacks... well, jacks is just giving me deadpool energy. slutty antihero? i think yes. it'd be cool to know what kind of superhero abilities youd assign to them tho :33
thank you 🖤 please hold my other hand though, they’re cutting up my right one 🤧 hopefully there’s nothing to worry abt since my family has a history of the weirdness w/o the cancer..
chryzure songs:
so good right now // fall out boy (wanted the whole album to make me think of chrysigil, then it jst wound up being chryzure and chrysijacks coded…)
xyz // technoplanet (vv specific vibe, idk why, but instrumentals like this make me go crazy, go wild)
anicent history // the crane wives (teehee! in agony thinking abt them separated)
in my head // mike shinoda, kailee morgue ((bonus song, still alive // demi lovato because screamvi brainrot real….. jst saying the au goes wild!))
cartoon people // billie marten (the vibes themselves……)
chrysijacks songs (he’s more annoying):
chapstick // coin (sorry, juno…:(( sorry jacks ruined this for you)
summer // circadian clock, baethoven (biting him!)
blood in the cut // k.flay (sorry juno pt.2)
hold my like a grudge // fall out boy (part-time soulmate, full-time problem too real for chrysijacks…)
121U // day6 (I DONT WANT TO WANT YOU I DONT WANT TO LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!)
chryzure is kittybunny lovers all the time… they are doing this right now:
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chrysijacks is kitty and fox… sorry, the legend of the archer and the fox is actually abt chrysijacks and chrysi’s the archer and jacks is the fox!! idk what was going on in the books, get ur facts right!
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((more proof is that i had a chrysijacks song called the fox before the book came out + the lyrics imply jacks not wanting to be the fox and hunted down by the archer… explain this 🤨))
oh my god, i looked up black cat and you’re RIGHT, that’s sooo chrysi??? esp the probability thing… explains why azure’s gotten such bad luck over the years.
if i were to make chrysi her own superhero, hmmm….. i feel like she’d summon ghosts and stuff… ??????? idk, i’ve never thought abt it 🫢 i mean, the funniest option is totally that she can bring back the dead and summon ghosts and stuff, but she never fucking uses that in favor of bashing ppl’s heads in w a baseball bat. OH, wait, her fated abilities include causing fear and giving nightmares, so maybe i could do something like that!!! she can keep the ghost summoning thing if she wants. idk what name i’d give her. it’s so hard coming up w a good superhero name. nightmare is too basic + i’m sure there’s thousands of ppl w that superhero name 💀 oh well!
AZURE WOULD SOOOOO HAVE X-MEN VIBES. he gets to go to a special little mutant school and have like minded peers… little special princess boy 🙄 SOME people learned they inflict fear on ppl and had to deal with it ALONE, but it’s fine. it’s rlly okay.
his powers probably are jst spatial manipulation, but he’s good enough at it that it looks like it’s jst telekinesis… and also teleportation :) jst the idea of him tricking ppl he has one power when it’s actually another makes me go crazy, go wild!!! idk what his title would be either. this is HARD, how do comic book writers do it!!!
yes. jacks is a whore. fuck him. i want him dead in a ditch. his powers are making ppl love him and want to obey him? rlly? he gets everything handed to him on a platter???? killing him killing him killing him!!!! he’d be the villain that chrysi and azure have to take down first, but they get there and jacks is jst rlly lameand they’re like, “…….. okay, guess we’ll leave you alive….?” and now he’s a thorn in their side that doesn’t leave ://////
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naminethewriter · 2 years
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Hurt No One Knew About Chapter Three: Into the Imagination
Masterpost | First | Previous | Next | Ao3
Story Summary: Logan has been acting weird for the past few weeks and the others aren’t sure what to do about it. When Janus appears looking for Remus they strike a deal: He figures out what’s going on with Logan and afterwards they’ll help search for Remus.
Turns out the two problems are more connected to each other than anyone thought.
Content Warnings: Remus’ side of the Imagination, Monster attacks, Zombies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patton and Virgil catch up with the other two in Roman’s room where the portal to his side of the Imagination is located. It takes the shape of a window with a dial on the side that Roman was currently turning causing the scene in the window to change with each click.
 “Why did you choose a window anyway?” Virgil asks. “It’s so annoying to climb through.”
 “I was inspired by romanticism! It was a time of escapism and a favorite motive was people looking out windows. With the bleak interior reflecting the harsh reality and through the window were colorful landscapes and sceneries you wish you could visit but you’re stuck inside… It seemed very fitting to me.”
“Do… do you feel trapped in here, Roman?” Patton’s voice is small and Roman stops turning the dial for a moment to look at him with a reassuring smile.
 “Not most of the time. But sometimes, when I sit at my desk too long, trying to come up with ideas and nothing seems to be as good as I want it to be, I like to escape to the imagination. Being there feels very freeing, anything I create there doesn’t need to be perfect which is something I often feel with ideas I present to Thomas.” Patton tries to say something but Roman holds up his hand, going back to the dial. “I know they don’t need to be and none of you expect it from me, but it’s not a feeling I can easily shake. Taking a break doing whatever I want in the imagination often helps.”
 “That’s good, kiddo. I’m glad you found a healthy coping mechanism.”
 “Thanks, padre!” With one final click, Roman steps away from the dial. “There we are! The portal closest to the border between Remus’ realm and mine!”
 Looking out the window they can see a large grassy open field with wildflowers blooming everywhere. The sky is clear and blue, no clouds in sight. Roman pushes the window open and holds out his hand towards Patton.
 “Shall we?”
 Patton accepts his hand, giggling. “Sure!”
 With Roman’s help he climbs through, then Virgil after him and Roman even offers Janus his help. He accepts without showing how surprised he is with the gesture.
 On the other side they find themselves in the field that was indeed as empty as it seemed from inside. As far as they can see there is nothing but grass and flowers. The sun shines down on them, but its warmth is not at all scorching but very pleasing. If their situation would be any different, Janus would be very tempted to lie down and take a nap. But they have friends to find.
 “Welcome in my realm,” Roman announces with a bow after he climbed through the portal himself, which, from this side, looks like a window just hanging in the air. He isn’t certain but Janus figures that it vanishes if it closes or maybe simply goes invisible. He would need to ask about that later.
 “It’s… empty,” Virgil comments, looking around.
 “Yeah, while this is technically still my side, it functions more as no man’s land. The field stretches along the entire border and I forbid all my creations from coming here so they don’t accidentally wander into Remus’ realm. It’s happened before and I rather not repeat the experience.” He shudders before continuing. “This is also the place where Remus and I fight all out wars though the scenery looks quite different then.” They remain silent for a moment, processing the information before Roman claps his hands.
 “Anyway! Gear. We’ll need a vehicle, weapons, and some provisions since we don’t know how long this will take.” He waves his hand and suddenly there’s a kitchen next to them. “Patton, would you please prepare those? The cabinets will have whatever you need, just think about it when you open them.”
 “Alright. Verge, care to help me?”
 “Yeah, sure.”
 “Wonderful!” As the two get to work, Roman turns to Janus.
 “I would like your help with the car since you’re more familiar with the terrain over there. I can sense where Remus is but not the best path to take us there.”
 “Very well.”
 With a nod, Roman summons sketches of different modes of transportation and explains them to Janus who in turn comments about how effective they would probably be. Once they settle on a design and Roman prepares to create it, Janus speaks up.
 “Not that I’m complaining, but you are more cooperative than I thought you would be.”
 Roman glances at him before returning his eyes to the sketch in front of him. “If this was only about finding my brother, I wouldn’t be, but this is now also about Logan and I’m worried about him. Regardless of how exactly that robot functioned, it couldn’t have replaced him so well without direct contact to him. Now that we took it out, I don’t know what state he’s in. He was…” He stops for a moment to take a deep breath before trying again.
 “He was already hurting. And we didn’t know how to help and so we ended up doing nothing which got us here. I’ve been hard on him, I know, and I don’t feel good about it, but I want to be a better friend to him. And that starts by finding him and making sure he’s okay. If we need your help to get there, then so be it. Doesn’t mean I like you.”
 “I wouldn’t assume so.” Roman stares at him for a moment longer before nodding and starting on the process of creating the car. Janus watches, deep in thought.
 He hadn’t thought that Roman was so self-aware. He had noticed the tension between the sides lately, of course he had. And it worries him because he doesn’t know how exactly that influences Thomas. He knows that he’s partially responsible since his recent appearances caused a lot of said tension, especially between Patton and Roman – though they seem to be doing better with their focus on Logan currently – and he hates to admit that maybe he hadn’t seen it coming though he should have. Roman’s entire world view is based on Patton’s guidance so if he changes his mind, that will inevitably lead to Roman losing himself.
 But it seems that Roman is working on building himself up again and Janus is relieved to know that. It does make it painfully obvious that he might need to work on himself as well. And he hates to admit to his failures.
 Roman deserves an apology from him, however, so he makes an internal note to find a chance for a private conversation with him after they clear up their current situation.
 When Patton and Virgil join them a few minutes later, Roman is almost done with the car. They had chosen a pickup truck, with two seats mounted on the open deck, that would not be slowed down by rough terrain too much. It wouldn’t allow them to drive through forests, but Janus advised to avoid them if possible anyway since they house many of Remus’ fiercest creatures. Roman will drive, Janus will be in the passenger seat giving directions if necessary while Patton and Virgil will be on the deck ready to shoot anything that approaches them. It was a rather simple plan but sometimes that’s enough.
 “We made sandwiches,” Patton announces as he comes to a stop next to Janus. He pats the strap of his backpack hanging off his shoulder.
 “Thank you, I’m sure they will come in handy.”
 “They already did! I was pretty hungry.”
 “Not surprising. You hardly touched your breakfast,” Janus comments.
 “Yeah,” Patton says in a sad tone. “I think we were all so worried this morning that we couldn’t stomach anything. And I’m still worried! But we have a plan now and it’s going to be a rough path, right? So, I wanted to be prepared.”
 Janus lays a hand on his shoulder. “That’s good, Patton. I’m sure it will be easier to concentrate now.” Patton smiles at him while Virgil next to him scoffs but doesn’t say anything. Janus decides to ignore it, starting another fight with him will only wear them down more.
 “Aaaaaaaaand, done!” Roman calls, wiping sweat from his brow. “It should be durable enough to last the trip, even if we get hit a couple times. Though it would be better if we weren’t, of course.”
 “Wow, princey,” Virgil comments, “you made something that’s plain and not a total eyesore. I’m proud of you.” Indeed, the vehicle is mostly beige and black, not even the seats were red or glittery.
 “It hurts the designer in me, but this is a stealth mission in the end. Flashy colors and the like would only attract unwanted attention.” He says it with a dramatic huff that gets Virgil to roll his eyes and Janus can tell the fondness between them. Playfully jabbing at each other, something he had once done with Virgil himself, but that time was over now. He quickly speaks up to divert from the topic lest he thinks about it too much.
 “We have the vehicle and the provisions, then. I believe we are still missing weaponry, is that right?”
 “Right,” Roman nods. He crouches down and stares at the grass for a moment before he waves his hand once and four gun like devices appear before him. They remind Janus of laser guns but with glass pipes on the side through which light blue liquid is visible. Roman gathers them up and gives one to each of them.
 “What are they?” Virgil asks, turning it around in his hands. Next to him, Patton does the same.
 “Freeze rays. Anything you hit with it won’t be able to move for a few hours. Other than that, they’re harmless. The creatures won’t remember anything, and it shouldn’t cause any damage.”
 “How merciful,” Janus hums, weighing the gun in his hand. “I expected you to take the opportunity to get rid of whatever comes in a 20 feet radius from us.”
 “I may not like them, but those creatures are very important to Remus. And as long as they don’t come into my realm, I don’t have a problem with them. We’re invading their territory, it’s only fair that we leave them be as best as we can.”
 Again, Janus is surprised at how thoughtful Roman is being. He glances at Patton and Virgil and sees his surprise reflected in their expressions as well. But none of them could say anything before Roman continued.
 “Anyway, Patton and Verge, you’ll be on the back. The seats here are mounted on, so even if we have to do some maneuvering, you won’t fly off.” He climbs on and waves for them to follow. Janus watches from the side as Roman explains some buttons on the seats’ sides. “These are for spinning the seats around, so you aren’t stuck looking in only one direction and they can move up and down, but I would be more careful with those.”
 “Button controls, really?” Virgil asks with a raised brow.
 “I can disable them if you would rather spin around uncontrollably, Emo-go-round.”
 Virgil rolls his eyes but doesn’t protest further. He and Patton take their seats and Roman checks their seat belts to make sure they’re secure.
 “There are straps on your guns, so you don’t lose them. They work just like a Wii remote, so please make sure you fasten them properly.” He holds up his own gun to demonstrate. “The trigger is over here, and they are equipped with an auto aim system, so they lock onto the energy signature every one of Remus’ creatures give off. So you don’t need to worry about that.”
 “Doesn’t everything on his side have that energy?” Janus pipes up. “Since he created the land and plants and everything as well.”
 “It’s a different kind of energy whether they are animated or not, so grass and stuff won’t interfere. A plant monster of some kind would be hit though.”
 “Wow, you really thought of everything, kiddo!” Patton beams and Roman smiles.
 “I aim to please.” He bows and Patton giggles. “We really do need to get going though. Is there anything else you two need?”
 “No, I don’t think so. Verge?”
 “Nah, I’m good.”
 “Wonderful! Janus, if you would be so kind and store our provisions in front? I’ll get ready for driving.”
 “I am never kind,” Janus smirks but goes over and grabs the backpack that Patton had sat down before climbing on. He places it at his feet as he takes his place on the passenger seat. Roman finishes adjusting the mirrors to his satisfaction before taking a deep breath.
 “Alright. We’re taking off to save Logan!”
 “And Remus,” Janus adds quietly as Patton loudly cheers from the back. If the two of them needed saving in the first place.
 Roman turns on the engine and they are off.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 It takes them over ten minutes to arrive at Remus’ side. And while there had been fewer and fewer flowers the further they got and the grass slowly got shorter and more brown than green, the border was easy to see. Because the grass suddenly disappeared entirely and instead gave way to a field of bones. Bones of all kinds, large, small, thick, thin, curved, straight, everything. Still, the human skulls stand out for some reason. The crunching sound their car made as it drives across them makes Patton shudder.
 And then the bones start to move.
 Patton stares horrified as a monster forms out of the bones, first its head, then its body and then a large hand that it raises to swipe at them. Unable to move, Patton squeezes his eyes shut.
 But they don’t get hit.
 Because Virgil is more than adept at reacting to Remus’ monsters and he quickly fires a shot at it. With a crunch, it freezes in place. Patton, hearing that, opens his eyes and gapes at the unmoving, colossal form they are quickly leaving behind since Roman doesn’t slow down for a moment.
 “You good?” Virgil asks though he doesn’t look at Patton but keeps his eyes on their surroundings to see if more creations pop up.
 “Yeah, thanks. Just surprised me.”
 “Well, that’s kinda Remus’ specialty, so you better get used to that. Fire at anything that moves and we should be fine.”
 “Anything? But there might be creatures that aren’t hostile.”
 “Unlikely. And even if there are, you wouldn’t be able to identify them. Just ‘cause something looks harmless, doesn’t mean they are. Especially if Remus made it. I found a cat in here once and started petting it and it seemed normal for a bit until it started spitting acid. Almost melted my leg off.”
 Again, the bones start to move but Virgil shoots the spot before anything can even form.
 “Plus, Roman said these things are harmless,” he says, holding up the gun. “So even if there’re peaceful creatures, they won’t get hurt. It’s less risky for us if we just freeze them all. We don’t need to worry about ammunition, right, princey?” He yells the last part so Roman can hear him in the front.
 “Right! They’ll reload themselves, too!”
 Another movement, this time on Patton’s side and with only a moment’s hesitation, he shoots. Because Virgil is right, and he can’t risk them getting delayed any longer to find Logan. He still apologizes in his head and wonders if they feel the cold.
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 They drive like that for hours. Across swamps, a field of corpses that is even worse than the bones in Patton’s opinion – especially when they start moving and suddenly there’s zombies everywhere and Roman has no choice but run a lot of them over while the other three shoot as many as they can – Janus has to guide them around a forest, a large lake with a very angry octopus that is clever enough to avoid their lasers for a while by throwing other sea creatures in the path of the ray until Virgil finally hits it, and a huge gorge with only one bridge that somehow holds their car.
 Eventually they make it to a desert. The sun shines down on them mercilessly, and Roman has to stop for a moment to conjure up goggles, face masks and hats for them which takes him quite a while since they were deep in Remus’ realm by this point.
 “It shouldn’t be much longer,” he reassures the others as he hands out the equipment. “We are getting quite close. And it’s pulling downwards, so I think he’s underground and we’ll be able to get out of this heat!”
 “Great! Then get moving before I sweat out all the liquid in my body!” Virgil huffs. Despite his complaints, he refuses to take off his hoodie. Roman rolls his eyes.
 “I’m going, I’m going.” He climbs back into the driver’s seat and glances over to Janus quickly who hasn’t said a word since the desert came into view. “No snarky remarks from you? I’m surprised.”
 Janus hums instead of answering, his gaze locked onto the view in front of them.
 “Seriously, you are kind of freaking me out. Anything we have to worry about going further?”
 “I know very little about this area. Remus has told me that he hadn’t done much here yet and that it’s pretty boring. I found that suspicious since he rarely creates such huge areas without some kind of purpose in mind, but he didn’t seem willing to talk about it, so I let it slide. If he’s here, I assume he was hiding something from me though he did not lie to me when he told me about it.” Roman doubts that Janus’ noticed but while he was talking, he drew out the ‘s’ which he rarely does in front of them. He suspects that the other might be more worried than he tried to let on so far.
 “Well, let’s find out what that something is then, shall we?”
 “Indeed, we shall.”
 They drive for another fifteen minutes before a pyramid becomes visible in the distance and it takes them another twenty to reach it. In that time, they don’t see any other signs of life, not on the ground and not in the sky. There is only sand and the sun bearing down on them. The atmosphere is heavy with the only sound being the car.
 Roman slowly drives around the huge structure, looking for the entrance. It looms over them, making them feel small and nervous. Virgil is rotating his seat around, convinced that there must be a monster around that is guarding the place. Patton lets him, he has a bad feeling about it, too.
 Janus is the one to spot the entrance first.
 “Over there.” He points ahead of them where Roman can indeed see an alcove that could be it. By now they are in the shadow of the structure making the temperature more endurable for them all.
 Roman stops the car in front of the alcove that he and Janus now could see indeed turns into a tunnel leading further inside.
 “Alright, seems like this is our stop!” He calls. “I can feel Remus inside.” He and Janus climb out of their seats, taking the backpack with their provisions with them, and meet up with Patton and Virgil who have gotten out of their seats as well.
 “Any idea what’s inside?” Virgil asks Janus. He shakes his head as he hands the backpack back to Patton.
 “No. I’ve never seen this place before and Remus didn’t tell me about it either.”
 “Great. So, we’re basically entering this thing that is specifically designed to be a giant trap without a plan. Just wonderful.”
 “It’s not ideal, but there isn’t really anything we can do about it,” Patton says, trying to sound positive but not even fooling himself. “We should go far enough to get out of these winds and eat and drink. Gathering our strength before facing what awaits us inside.”
 “Wonderful idea, padre! Let’s take a bit of a rest before continuing.”
 They carefully enter the tunnel with Roman going first, Virgil behind him, then Janus and Patton taking the rear. The wind doesn’t follow them very far and only a few feet in they take their rest, distributing the sandwiches and bottles of water Patton and Virgil had prepared. The latter keeps one hand on his laser, remaining vigilant for any oncoming attackers. But they aren’t undisturbed and soon are ready to push further.
 The tunnel is long and dark. Their laser guns give off a light glow from the liquid inside. It doesn’t illuminate their path but let’s them keep track of each other. They stay silent and hope that their hearing might alert them of any creatures. Their footsteps echo eerily through the hall.
 Roman keeps one hand on the wall to his left, Virgil doing the same behind him on the right, so they make sure to not miss any openings. It is quite a surprise then when the wall ends. Roman stops but not early enough to not activate something as torches ignite suddenly and a large room opens up before them.
 It is easily forty feet across and twenty feet high. A large pillar stands in the middle of the room and there are hieroglyphs on it as well as all the walls. Except they aren’t really hieroglyphs but depictions the sides and Thomas in past videos in the style of hieroglyphs. And without realizing it, they are all drawn to different scenes. Roman wanders over to the depiction of the trial they held before the wedding with him as the judge. Virgil walks to a scene before his acceptance where he taunts Thomas. Patton spots his transformation into a frog, attacking Janus and hitting Thomas instead.
 Janus stands before the pillar. There is Logan, finger pointed to the side at something he couldn’t see from his position, and his eyes are glowing orange.
 Then a cracking sound startles them all out of their trances.
 “Shit! We shouldn’t split up!” Virgil yells, trying to get to Roman who’s closest to him but it’s too late.
 Underneath each of their feet, the floor falls away and they all plummet into darkness.
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keevansixx · 1 year
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He who walks with Kobolds
From one of my favorite twitter posters who creates some interesting character and item concepts for my brain to go completely gonzo on.
[Shitty Item Idea: Tyrannoswordus Rex- This sword can summon a single friendly T Rex once per day.]
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Fighter: "Hey, how do you know if you accidentally created a cult?"
Cleric: 0.o "a cult?"
Fighter: "well, remember that kobold raiding party we fought last week?"
Cleric: "yeah!"
Bard: "OMG! it's so cute, they keep leaving little trinkets in his bedroll."
Fighter: "yeah...cute..."
Cleric: *pinches their nose* "they saw you summon Rexy when the owlbears charged out of the woods, right?"
Fighter: "yeah, i guess...they did run away after he appeared and chomped the owlbears."
Cleric: *deep sigh* "oh gods..."
Bard: *laughs and wipes tear* "this is great."
Fighter: *annoyed* "why are YOU laughing? I didn't ask for this!"
Bard: *holding sides* "oh god, i'm going to write the greatest song ever about the fighter who walks with Kobolds...Bwahahahaha!"
Cleric: "sorry my dude, looks like you're now the high priest of your own kobold clan."
Fighter: "great....that's just great, like i didn't have enough to worry about now..."
"it's 2am, the party is sleeping around the fire. the fighter is awakened by the slight tugs of a tiny armored kobold holding a little spear who chitters and whistles worryingly while pointing off in the distance where something really big is crashing through the trees. the fighter rouses the rest of the party, and soon a tarrasque comes charging out of the night.
the fighter feels a tug at their leg where the kobold points to the sword and then makes a crude version of the summoning gesture he uses to summon the t-rex in the air above it's head. They want to fight along side their new found god.
The party is not supprised at the juevinile tarrasque, they've fought bigger and badder things. What caught them off guard was the short barks and whistles as 50 kobolds rise from the tall grass around the party in a defensive formation."
Bard: *smirks* "I told you this would be fun."
Fighter: "Yeah, laught it up lute boy....i can just as easily tell them you are not one of my "deciples" in their new religion and have them steal all your spare socks i know you have hidden in the waggon for the glory of Rexy. "
Bard: "You wouldn't dare! How rude to threaten the theft of a gentlemen's socks." *smirk* "Tsk, tsk, tsk."
Dwarven Artificer: "Oh sweet mother under the mountain! would you two give it a rest already! we've got bigger problems than the dandy's sock fetish!"
Wizard: "indeed, it appears our tarrasque problem is about to get a little worse!"
Fighter: "worse! what do you mean "worse" I........oh feck me sideways with a churn bucket you scaly bastards! that's just great..."
*out of the forest charges two raptor drakes hot on the heels of the tarrasque*
Bard: "well, color me intrigued....so....who had death by raptor on their dungeon bingo card?"
Fighter: "Aww, stuff it lute boy! 'that tears it! *unsheathes the summoning blade* feck this! Rexy! Come Forth! *makes summoning kata in the air*
the spectral form of the t-rex erupts from the tip of the blade to a thunderous roar (followed by the collective "Ooooooh" barks, chirps, and whistles of the grass hidden kobold horde. which collectively causes confusion between the two raptor drakes and the tarrasque squaring off at the other end of the field.
Fighter: "Rexy! (t-rex looks back with that all too common look of something about to have a really great time and they know it) Get em'!"
with a roar, rexy charges towards the monsters with 50 kobolds in tow which is insanely weird to see a big dino followed by 50 separate grass trails weaving too and fro with excided growls, barks, and chirps erupting from the undergrowth.
the rest of the party take up flanking positions casting buffs, enchantments, and protection spells upon their newly acquired battle pack. several of the kobolds have raced up the dinos tail to take protective stances along the t-rex's back and head with their tiny spears and slinging stones from little slings turning rexy into an effective living battle tank. those not riding their god are busy harassing the raptors and tarrasque with their spears, little knives, and slings. this will definately go down in the party's history as one of the most insane things they've ever saw.
____________________________
an hour later the party is resting comfortably by the fire while the kobolds are joyously dancing around the fallen monsters taking trophies and presenting choice bits of monster meat to the lounging t-rex recieving scritches and grooming from the kobolds while others are dropping off pristine pointy teeth, feathers, and choice scales from the monsters onto the fighter's very crowded bedroll. one shy kobold presents the bard with a shiny rock they found while battling, and the wizard is trying to show the enthralled kobolds how to harvest the most valuable bits from the monsters without damaging them, somewhat unsuccessfully. The dwarf is trading small pocket whittling daggers they craft as a campfire hobby to pass the time between adventures to the kobolds in exchange for raptor scales, talons, and hides the dwarf can use later to make some fairly pricey armors. the cleric is getting herbs, grasses, and various fungus and tree barks when the kobolds looked into the clerics pouches and saw what they were carrying. the fighter keeps trying to refuse the little bone necklaces and clan tags the kobolds are trying to tie around the fighters boots, with the fighter trying to explain that the bones make too much noise in battle and make it difficult to hunt properly t the confused looks of the kobolds.
the entire time, the damned bard is giggling when they are not furiously scribbling down the beginnings of what they feel will surely become their magnum opus.
Cleric: "so, how long do you intend for rexy to lounge about before we hit the next town?"
Fighter: "eh, he's still got another 16 hours on his summons, big guy's earned it, the kobolds don't seem to mind, and at least with rexy around the rest of the area's monsters don't seem too interested in a fight, especially after what we've seen. enjoy the break and get some sleep. the little furballs are keeping watch. no helping it now, we've been adopted by a kobold clan. i just hope the guild will understand, and we can keep the lil' guys from wrecking too much havock in the towns. it's a problem for another day.
the rest of the party: "indeed..."
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What are your top five books? Favorites, most influential, whatever you want to choose on the basis of is fine
Oh wow I’ve been mulling over this for a few days and it’s fairly difficult! I’m going to go with most formative for me, the ones that I go back to every once in awhile and I’m like “Oh. This explains a lot.”
1. Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux
This should shock precisely no one. I read this book as a baby and it changed my life lmao. The unmasking monologue (“know that it is a corpse that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you”) is forever ingrained into my brain, I could recite the entire damn thing at any time. It’s a story I’ve honestly mostly outgrown at this point. But it really laid the groundwork for me as far as taste in literature, tropes, and themes go. The sheer gothic melodrama, the core painful arc for Christine of navigating her mixed feelings surrounding Erik’s murderous obsession survive her, and Erik’s sheer wretchedness. The story meant a lot to me through most of my teen years, and I definitely related to the abusive, suffocating dynamic though I wasn’t consciously really aware of it at the time. I think this book was definitely my gateway to like realizing an interest in books about trauma, even, or perhaps especially, when couched in convenient stylization. And yeah for all that it’s probably impacted me the most out of anything else I’ve ever read.
2. Interview With the Vampire by Anne Rice
I know Interview is like the hot thing now but also I was obsessed with this book as a tween. Which is frankly somewhat too young to read this but 🤷‍♀️
There’s just something about the style, the introspection, and the way the characters interact. The way everyone in the Vampire Chronicles just have these endlessly complicated and tangled relationships that burned itself into my psyche lol. I probably also internalized a lot of Rice’s pacing problems for a bit there.
3. The Snow Queen Cycle by Joan Vinge
This is an older sci fi/space opera and honestly I haven’t read it in years. I have no idea how it’ll hold up. But it definitely fostered my love of space opera, and evil queens. Arienrhod was like the og bitch, I loved her so much lol. I recall a lot of the later plot actually annoyed me, but it’s definitely one of those things I look back on and realize how much it’s influenced me.
4. Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
I’ve said before but I had a weird little book club as a teen where a bunch of my friends would gather and I would read it aloud? And the very experience of reading it like that was just as formative as actually reading it. But I just love a lot about this story and the sheer messiness of it. Catherine as a deeply flawed protagonist definitely rewired my brain.
5. Yevgeniy Onegin by Alexander Pushkin
This one’s so short it might as well be a novella. I read it back in middle school and it just stuck with me! It was also my entry into Russian lit and it’s really interesting because it is itself commentary on a lot of classic literary devices and tropes in fiction. And the process of like going back to see what exactly it’s referencing and what kinds of other stories make up it’s context and language was fascinating. The conceit of translated poetry also really gripped me at the time, and especially pertaining to classics, how many translations there might be. And the individual translation choices of like which metaphors to keep, what to sacrifice for the stress and meter etc.
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istanbulite · 2 years
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My Problems with Astraeus & MC
when i look past all the fanon n worldbuilding n the storyline i think for my MC,,, the route w/o anything added leaves a bitter taste sometimes... provided its shorter then others but its still... and im bored
For example... when complete w how the MC acts in his route i dont like how Astraeus calls her his 'greatest muse' and at one point likens her to the main art piece in a gallery. Normally itd b cute but here its :///
bc she does act as distant as a piece in a museum.
She never tries to understand him or be there for him... 'get down to his level' in a way, take care of him... idk give a little massage something... even he's bleeding out he's the one taking care of her... not only that she's constantly annoyed by how he speaks, by his greatest passion (poetry) i never feel like she knows things abt him or tries to get to know him (or like what she knows) and naturally he puts her up on a pedestal to admire.
They kind of just...have sex. And Astraeus has this mysterious connection to her heart for some reason other than that do they even have anything in common... She's the subject of his intense love but now that i read carefully i don't think its returned. Girl at least throw a 'I'll never leave you' or sth... Which is why i think he brings up the idea of a seperation a couple times bc he doesnt feel secure... Or thinks he s holding her back & and is afraid of her comparing him to Hades' in possessiveness (which was also unpleasent fyi... there can b a mid ground)
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Who says... 'Yeah if you wish we can get seperated' when remembering a beloved union... im not all hard on MC tho dw now its Astraeus' turn xD 'would mine really be more binding' my dear boy MC was about to be sacrificed when you found her SHE DIDNT SIMPLY JUMP INTO YOUR ARMS
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Yeah it looks like your husband does think that despite being in the middle of the events. I was offended for her here and wished she'd turn his proposal down as it looks like it doesnt mean much to him and he will leave as soon as he finds the next shiny thing. He seems fickle.
Another thing... Id have liked a serious apology from Astraeus abt how he acted in Hades' route... This -
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aint it chief. Like i give sm excuses to him n actually find him a lot more charming then Hades there despite it being his route but that does not change the fact he did try to forcibly kiss her, threatened her, forcibly kissed her this time and grabbed her.... A couple times. Yuck. The problem isnt that he did those id have expected worst from a man who spent centuries in that hellhole but that the story takes this too lightly. No i never found it funny how he treated her partly bc the canon mc was terrified. Wtf
Speaking of that Hellhole...
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You literally didnt. You were waiting in Tartarus for forever if not for the MC. Um how dare you??? You could say he's trying to get Herakles' attention here by making MC seem like a bystander but i dont think so tbh. It feels like he does believe this. And its such a weird ooc moment... Hades literally kicked his ass w 1 arm... Twice. Later he's like ohhhh MC youre so powerful and it sounds so hollow
Another > when they mention her heart 'calling him' like a phone call. You really didnt have to make it sound like that lmao. It feels like she rang him -_-; 'heard your heart what do you want' like... this very sentence haunts me. İdk Astraeus get milk on the way home
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ekho-ekho-ekho · 1 year
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So come to find out, if more than a few of your joints bend backward more than a teeny tiny bit, that probably means you have a hypermobile disorder even if you’ve never (to your knowledge) dislocated anything.
Who knew?
Certainly not me! And very definitely no one I know irl . . . which makes it kind of frustrating to talk about this when my friends and family are so used to the idea that I’m “out of shape” because I “hate exercise” and yet still get to be “thin for no reason.”
Look, I get that fatphobia is difficult to live with and makes it hard to buy clothes and feel good about yourself — but also so many people who struggle with their weight have internalized the “Thin = Healthy” brainworms to such an extent that, if I mention that living in my body is in fact deeply unpleasant, most people I know, most of the time, will openly laugh at me for saying so. Whatever, your joints are backwards, so what? What does that really affect in your life? At least you can find clothes in your size.
That kind of thing hurt even before I knew why my body was so weird in so many little ways. And now that I DO know why, it’s making me flat-out angry. And I have to keep reminding myself that most people just don’t think about their joints very often — hell, I’ve known about hypermobility disorders for years and STILL didn’t realize I had one, because I didn’t think about my joints much, either. It’s hard to even recognize the problem until you see a direct, side-by-side comparison of how a “normal” body holds itself together vs how yours doesn’t.
That said, I’m still annoyed.
So, if you don’t have hypermobile joints and you don’t quite understand why they’d be a persistent issue for someone, I’d like to ask your help with a demonstration.
If at all possible, stand up for a bit. Yep, just stand normally, feet a little less than shoulder-width apart. Try to hold regular-good posture. Pretend you’re at a wedding reception and there’s a photographer lurking about. Back straight, chin up, knees and shoulders at rest.
Now, hold up one hand, fingers together. About how wide is your palm, horizontally? Three-ish inches? Therabouts?
Okay, keeping that distance in mind, bend your knees forward about that far.
Got them bent? Alright, good. Posture check. Feel how bending your knees changed the way you’re holding your back/shoulders/ head?
Now: without unbending your knees — OR bending them any farther — correct your posture back to how it was before. Helps if you center your weight over your heels. Straight spine, chin up, shoulders back and relaxed. Poker face. You want nothing from the hips up to indicate any level of strain.
Do you have your phone, or a watch or something? Set an alarm and hold this position for two minutes. Make sure you keep track of what your knees are doing the whole time. Also your spine. Also your neck and shoulders. If you need a short rest, you can rock your weight forward to the balls of your feet for a second. If your arms start to feel heavy, try crossing them. But it’s vitally important that you do not let on in any way that this is uncomfortable for you. Come back when your two minutes are up.
...
Hi, you okay? Feeling a little shaky? Yeah you might wanna hydrate. Better? Okay cool — so you probably get where I’m going with all this, and some part of you might already be thinking, ‘Okay, well, I get the point, but that’s probably a little dramatic, I mean living with hypermobile joints can’t possibly be THAT bad.’
And you’re right! It’s way worse!
See, what you just experienced is how it feels to stand straight with hypermobile knees. When you started off standing normally, with your knees relaxed, that was comfortable because the ligaments holding your leg bones together were passively supporting your weight. You barely noticed. When *I* “relax” my knees, however, they bend backward about three inches — or, the full width of my hand — before my ligaments catch them. That throws all the rest of my balance out of whack. And since all the connective tissue between all of my joints is at least a little bit loose, that means everything I do to maintain my balance is then also compromised. My hips tilt forward, my spine goes into a deep arch, my feet flatten and collapse inward. Then my shoulders lock up from the effort of holding everything else (more-or-less) upright. You know Shaggy from Scooby-Doo? That’s what my version of “relaxed” posture looks like.
So, if I’m going to mimic “correct” posture (say, if I’m in a nice dress at a wedding reception), that means bending my knees forward a good three inches just to make them look “straight” and then leaning my weight ever-so-slightly backward to balance the whole tottering Jenga tower of my skeleton on an axis with my heels.
And that’s standing. That burn you feel fading in your thighs, in your calves, in your abdomen, in your back and wherever else right now — that’s how much effort a hypermobile person puts into just. Standing up straight for a couple minutes.
Now ask yourself: if standing “normally” is that much more difficult with hypermobile joints, involves that much compensation and constant adjustment . . . what must it be like doing anything else?
See the problem yet?
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talenlee · 1 year
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Story Pile: Arrival
Story Pile: Arrival
Arrival is a 2016 movie about the individual experience of a very thoughtful linguist lady as humanity contends with the first engagement with an alien first contact, not in the vein of guns and bombs and tanks and planes, the way Will Smith taught us, but instead, the high stakes, deeply intense world of complex linguistic deconstruction without an existing linguistic frame of reference. And it whips, but it’s also like being bathed in wax.
It’s a language nerd movie, but I’d leave the detailed considerations of that to other people, you know, people who are experts in language. I’d recommend checking out Lingthusiasm, which goes in on the movie in depth. I’m going to try and avoid replicating anything they cover here. The only thing I’d point to that stands apart is the way that this movie demonstrates how weak our language is to discuss language we don’t have.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to talk spoilers after the fold. There’s probably some generalities that can give away things ‘about’ the movie, but instead I want to talk about
Anyway, if you’re curious about the general overview, the kind of thing you want to hear out of a typical review, well, I guess the first thing I’d point to is the way this movie’s soundtrack is deeply affecting. It’s this weird mix of sounds and silence that are designed to feel unnatural, designed to not sound like ‘music’ as we understand it. At first it comes across as unsettling and creepy; slowly the sounds transformed in my experience to being instead a sign of curiosity, of helplessness, and eventually yearning. It’s the thing I remember, over and over, when I think back on the movie.
It’s even more remarkable when I consider that I should be able to remember the actress that drives the story. Looking it up, this is a movie that features Amy Adams, Forest Whittaker and a bag of hair with a flat nose, but I couldn’t bring any of their specific ideas to mind. It’s possibly a good thing, the way that the story just tangles around the whole narrative of the experience, in a way that any individual character becomes less important than the whole.
Which is kind of the point, I guss, to that narrative?
It’s a slow one. I found that this was a movie with a very, very deliberate start. At the time I described it as gracious. There was a way that the whole experience was slow and careful about everything, as it bit by bit crept along and showed people trying to react to the interactions of their ordinary lives being bent around the strangeness of the events. There’s the way sunlight of the story slowly creeps under the door, until eventually it’s so hard and hot and blazing that you have to confront it face-on.
Arrival probably annoys chuds in that there’s an importance on other countries, but also has other ways to appeal to those chuds, in that the other cultures are the ones who we primarily get to see in terms of how they want to do things involving the aliens that our protagonist doesn’t. Basically, you can point to ‘China’ has problems, and you can point to ‘a Chinese character is responsible for saving the day,’ (oh come on, that’s not a spoiler).
What Arrival puts me in mind of now is the much more interesting question of what does an international reaction to a global incident look like? Back in 2016 when the movie came out, the idea that something could impact twelve countries, and the whole world would connect and work together and strive to address the complexities of it, with tensions of the observers holding their breath for both positive and negative reactions? That idea didn’t have a strong, recent example for post-Soviet Union global responses.
I guess the nearest example in my lifetime of ‘something went wrong that everyone needs to care about’ was probably Chernobyl. 9/11 was definitely important, in that same ‘everyone is holding their breath’ way but that was a very political entity; the problem was other people and the question was who history was going to turn around and sit on. Chernobyl by contrast, regardless of how it happened, was a problem that needed addressing by as many people as could contribute anything, because it didn’t matter where on what border you rested as a political entity, the reactor would pump out radioactivity until everyone was dead and then keep going because it didn’t care.
In that regard, the idea of a complex scenario like ‘the whole world is suddenly paying attention to an alien first contact scenario’ tended to not get framed in terms of lots of people all at once. Alien first contact in stories of my youth tended to be about single loners and very, very rarely governments. If governments got involved it was because they already knew about it, usually. Independence Day wanted to frame itself as an international, multinational response, but if you believe that, you’re probably very, very American.
That was in 2016, when a movie could come out assuming that a complex, delicate scenario like this could be handled by lots of countries locking things down and examining a difficult problem in a complicated way. That the solution could come from how we interact as a world.
You’ll hear a lot of talk about Arrival that wants to be about what the movie is, as it were, ‘about.’ Without talking about those things, though, I thought it was interesting to look at the way that this movie is about the thing it’s about. It’s a story that sees a hopeful vision of humanity, presenting our worst self as our own inability to trust a stranger and our inability to trust one another, but it’s still built in a place where when a problem happens, we bring to bear the greatest minds with the most appropriate skillset to try and fix it.
Now, I figure there are a lot of people who would just argue that there weren’t any aliens at all.
Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!
#Media #StoryPile
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nimuetheseawitch · 10 months
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lol I didn't even realize this bingo post going around was an ask meme until I saw your tag.
You say I love you but I cannot stay and/or The problem with starting halfway through
I'll do both. Why not?
You say I love you but I cannot stay
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I love Sometimes You Hear the Bullet. And I was haunted by the idea that Hawkeye would write an introduction to Tommy's book and make sure it got published. And because I'm me, I wanted to write the letters Hawkeye would write. And then I realized BJ would be a complete weirdo about Hawkeye having other friends. Even early on in my hunnihawk days, I was into BJ being really, really weird about it (not that this is hunnihawk - it's just BJ being obsessed with Hawkeye and not understanding boundaries). And BJ *would* be so fucked up about learning how traumatized Hawkeye is/should be, that he would freak out and Hawkeye would have to comfort him. Thinking about this now I almost want to write it again but different.
The problem with starting halfway through
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I don't entirely remember where this all started, but I had a lot of feelings. I had already written Hawkeye goes to California, and I was obsessing over every little line where BJ flirts with Hawkeye, and I wanted BJ to think it was a good idea to hook up as the war was ending. This line in particular sunk it's teeth into my brain:
"I know this is an ending and not the start of something, and I wish maybe we could've started something sooner, but I want to know. I want to know what I'm missing"
Specifically because this is a terrible fucking idea and I've been there. But I was also just listening to Tegan and Sara's album Hey, I'm Just Like You, and the song Keep Them Close 'Cause They Will Fuck You Too invaded my brain and combined with my MASH brainrot and the hunnihawk and spewed out this idea of how they could keep fucking up at being together. I needed them to have a really poorly thought out last hookup that ate at BJ until he pursued something more, while Hawkeye convinced himself BJ was happy. And then I needed everyone to be gay and fell in love with gay Peg who gives BJ permission to love Hawkeye but also breaks the fuck out of BJ's heart. And I'm gonna take any chance I get to write love letters and fell hard for the idea of Hawkeye pretending to fish but just reading letters from everyone from the 4077.
Oh, and I was having thoughts and feelings about Hawkeye's inconsistency around messing around with married people.
I also wanted to fix BJ Goes to Maine (which I have a soft spot for, but BJ is too into his family and California to go to Maine, and he'd have to be 100% sure of Hawkeye, which he does not have the confidence for).
I promise I will get back to this series because honestly, I have outlines for several more fics. Even though my brain wants to give them a happy ending, none of the stories I've started give them that (although I have a self-indulgent little Peg/Miriam (my OFC) happily ever after planned because sapphic joy). Just lots and lots of misunderstandings and complication.
In the end, it's a story of two people who have wildly different interpretations of what point of the relationship they're in, and they never really got a start, so how can they have a beginning? And did they start at the end? Keep Them Close 'Cause They Will Fuck You Too is a post-breakup song that I decided to apply to a ship I thought I wanted to give a happy ending, so we'll see what happens.
Caveat to everything I've said here: my memory is shitty, and I probably talked about everything over on discord, but I'd have to track down late night conversations and rants from over a year ago to make sure I got everything.
I enjoyed thinking about this and wow do I wish my wrist wasn't as shitty because I feel like writing things down on paper but it is so fucking annoying to hold a pen with my wrist brace. Maybe I'll type some things. Also, this introspection reminded me how much I like to slowly rotate BJ as I consider what a hot mess he is and how much he can manage to hurt the people around him while he flails figuring himself out.
Thanks @marley--manson, I love answering your questions.
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