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skylights422 · 4 years

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Seed of a Memory

Here is my piece for @arowrimo! This features D&D iterations of my novel characters, and there’s a lot more to both of these characters’ stories, but hopefully this serves as a nice introduction to them.

Title: Seed of a Memory

Language: English

Category: Short Story (Theme: Subverting Romantic Tropes, Fantasy)

Prompt: Friendship

Genre: Fantasy, Drama

Word count: 1907

Content warnings: Brief mentions of racism and arophobia.

Summary: Fiera Casales takes a stroll with her pretend boyfriend and ponders the importance of things like love and memory.

Cold. Distant. That’s what the others had always called her, in whispers that faded down the corridors, in offhand remarks that begged judgement be met with indifference. Ever since she had awoken surrounded by cold ruins, vague images and feelings telling her that whoever she had been, she had been unwanted, and decided to become an anthropologist. They admired her skill in spell casting and dedication to her cause, but questioned her work, and refrained from getting too close. They doubted a high elf lacking the famed fair complexion could advance at such a rate without deception. They thought it undignified to spend so much time studying the cultures of ‘lesser’ species.

But it was well enough that they did not want to spend time with her. She did not very much want to spend time with them either. They were narrow minded and could tell her nothing of her missing past. They gossiped about her ‘lack of love’ despite their own callous indifference towards her. It was enough to simply know how they thought, and how to best maneuver them to make her life easier.

It was also, she had to admit, more convenient for her current study that she not have much to lose in regards to relationships, as she was currently committing an unwritten social taboo simply to see what changes it might or might not have in the long run: she was ‘dating’ a drow elf.

The bitter, hated enemy of her people, so often described as ruthless killers and amoral abominations, as nature’s greatest mistake. She had often wondered if the drow were half as vile as the stories told, but after having met one it seemed more likely the hatred came from an old grudge allowed to fester, the separation of their countries making outlandish exaggerations difficult to disprove. A high elf being a partner to a drow elf was unheard of, and she had just enough status to see the effects of such a scandal.

The drow elf in question, who now lead her down a street gently by the arm, was a fellow by the name of Kadri. They had met quite by chance at a library, when she was knocked down a staircase and nearly took him down with her. Things were sorted out, and she had immediately wanted to interview him despite her own nervousness once realizing what he was. It took some persuasion, and the promise to make the interview a two-way one (she felt she was enormously fortunate that the first person from her sworn enemy’s country was a scholar such as herself), but she got to spend the day conversing with him. Despite the clear distrust he held towards her and his barely concealed agitation, it proved to be one of the more amiable and fascinating conversations she’d ever had. He answered questions thoroughly and with a frank wryness, and asked thoughtful questions in return.

During the next two weeks they met up every day to talk more, and typically ended up conversing for hours on end. They were both frank with their prejudices, though she felt them growing more at ease as time went on. She learned Kadri was a warlock, sworn to serve the demon Kir’giren after they saved his life when he was a child, and was disappointed but unsurprised to learn he had suffered several times at the hands of her people. She told him about her fractured memories, and of her time spent with the sea elves.

By the time Kadri had to depart to serve his master on some quest, she was surprised to find that she was missing his company. She didn’t tend to miss people, if anything she felt more at ease when she alone in her house. Usually the only feelings of longing she felt were in connection to her mangled memories, the faces she could recall but not quite put into context. She definitely couldn’t call the feeling she had love, if she had to guess she probably missed the intellectual challenge of working with someone so different and so on edge.

Regardless of the cause, she determined that if ever they crossed paths again, they would speak at length. That was when she realized that he would actually be perfect for an experiment that she had had in mind for some time, if he could be persuaded. Suffice to say, they did cross paths again, she did manage to persuade him to fake being her partner for up to six months, and they had now been living together and pretending to date for a little over a month. And the initial reaction of her people was horrified confusion as she and Kadri had expected, but over the weeks, opinions started to become more varied. Some applauded their bravery, others thought Kadri had cruelly put her under an enchantment, and some thought this was the final proof that she was a willful traitor and could never be trusted.

Just walking down the street as they were now, people were glancing and glaring at them, some people hurried to get out of their presence, others stared and whispered to their neighbors. They were walking through the city square, browsing some shops before looking for a place to eat.

“Are your thoughts happy, Fiera?” Kadri asked, snapping her out of her reverie.

“Huh? Oh, I was just reminiscing a bit. So perhaps bittersweet is a better descriptor. Why, did I look happy?” she asked.

“You looked contemplative. Are your contemplations ones you’d wish to share?” he said. Fiera turned to look at him properly. Even now he insisted on keeping his hood up in public, and his eyes were watchful, but underneath the wariness he did seem genuinely curious.

“I suppose…if I may ask, what do you think of love? I promise it’s relevant,” she said. Kadri seemed only slightly taken aback by the question; one of the first things she had told him before agreeing to the experiment was that she would never love him, and if he fell in love with her then that was his own problem to deal with alone, so he already knew the subject was one she had given thought to. He gave the question a moment of thought before answering.

“If anything, I think it is something I understand very poorly. I claim only to love Kir’giren, but that is truthfully a wild oversimplification. I know it drives others in equal parts to great acts of generosity and great acts of cruelty. I know there is very little agreement, between individuals or between groups, what exactly ‘true’ love is, and yet they at the same time take for granted that people will recognize it with ease and react accordingly. I have read enough to have some idea what most people see as loving actions, and to know that it is associated with attachment. But that is where my knowledge ends, I’m afraid.” He said.

“Then you don’t know much more than myself,” Fiera sighed. “I was wondering about the nature of feelings, and the nature of relationships, and how they relate to memory. You have all your memories intact, and have, I believe, had crushes before, so I hoped you might be able to offer some insight. You don’t suppose emotions can be born of memories, do you?” Kadri looked quizzical.

“Crushes? I would hardly relate those to love…ah, but to answer your question, not exactly. I think it more accurate to say emotions are associated with memories. We do feel things in the present, after all.” He said.

“True…then I ask you instead, are there any memories you would forget if you could? Would you still be you if you had different memories?” she said. She knew she was prying at what was both purely a hypothetical and quite possibly personal, but the possibility of losing more memories, or of not being who she used to be, were ones she considered often. If she asked too personal a question Kadri would just tell her that.

“Hmm… I believe it may be more truthful to say there are many things I wish had never happened to me in the first place. But they did happen, so I would not let go of them.” He said. Then he chuckled to himself. “But then, I am an incredibly miserable person often stuck in the past. Surely, if I had different memories, the essence of me would be the same, but I would see the world in a different light.” Fiera thought about that. Without her old memories, she had been forced to grow new ones, and she wasn’t discontent with them…

“That is fair. I suppose I just wonder if my old memories have truly withered away or not. It can feel strange to be ‘moving on’ when that is not certain.” She said.

“Well, I suppose it would be hypocritical of me to in any way judge…” Then his expression grew slightly softer. “Truly, Fiera, you are not lacking in any respect. You are exceptionally driven and kind, and brilliant beyond compare. I do not doubt you will find joy and peace in your own way, no matter the circumstances of your memories or your relationship with that nebulous thing called ‘love’.” Fiera smiled at that. Kadri would sometimes just say stuff like that, about her or about some of his old travel companions, and yet still denied having friends or attachments in this world outside of his master. Though she did sometimes wonder if he simply idolized anyone who wasn’t cruel to him. Either way, it was an appreciated statement even if she yearned to be able to confirm its truth in a more concrete way.

“You are kind to say so. I have a similar faith in you.” She said, and she did believe it. Kadri gave a laugh, and the thinly veiled pain in his eyes made it clear that he didn’t.

“Truly, you are too generous. Ah, but here we are, I don’t think I’ve been to this place before. Can you tell me of it?” he said. Fiera silently noted the quick change of subject, and then went on to tell him whatever she could of the little restaurant they had come upon.

She had always been called ‘cold’ and ‘distant’. And even now, she knew she was not in love. But she didn’t feel cold, or distant, when she was chasing her memories or spending time with Kadri. She wasn’t sure why he seemed to be an exception, perhaps it was simply because he had no expectations of her other than to fulfill her side of their agreements without mocking or betraying him, which was easy enough to do since he always did the same on his end. No, the feeling wasn’t love, but it was a warm kind of feeling. She wondered if they were friends, or only amiable business partners, or if it really made a difference. Certainly, if she called him her friend to his face, he’d probably find some excuse to go away and never return. But privately, she would like to think of him as a friend. She didn’t know what her past would reveal, about herself or about those she must have known, but there was always the present, and a dream for the future.

Perhaps the memory of joy and peace could still be grown in some other way.

#arowrimo writing #aromanticism #my writing #arowrimo #aromantic #non-fandom

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otterlyardent · 6 years

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A simple Dramione prompt

Dramione Prompt: What if Draco wasn’t the insufferable prat everyone knew him to be? What if he merely had to live up to the expectations of being a Malfoy? What if, after the first time he called Hermione Granger a mudblood, he’d overheard Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil speaking about how their roomate had cried and sobbed for hours after his terrible taunts? Later, hidden away from his own friends, in the sanctuary of his curtained bed he wrote her an apology letter. A way to alleviate some of his own guilt for behaving like such a scoundrel. And what if it became a regular thing? Each time he ended up throwing spiteful words and painful insults at the intelligent lioness, he’d spent the evening pouring out his remorse in ink on parchment?

♥♥♥

Granger,

Though I imagine I’ll never work up the courage to actually give you this letter, I felt compelled to write it regardless. I’m much too cowardly to try and approach you especially after my behavior this afternoon. It was a terrible thing to do, and though I’m sure you wouldn’t believe it - my mother would be ashamed of the horrid things I said in the company of a young lady and the fact that I said them to a young lady...well, let’s just say I’d rather not be on the receiving end of that howler.

Truth be told, Granger - I said those things with intent to hurt and I feel utterly ashamed of it. See, my whole life I’ve been lead to believe that those of muggle birth are wrong and dangerous. That they’re stealing our magic from us. I’ve been told all my life that muggle-born witches and wizards don’t have the control necessary to use magic safely and effectively. As well as lacking the intelligence needed to learn the proper use of said magic and spells.

Imagine my horrified surprise to find that my whole life has basically been a lie. You’re not only incredibly gifted with your magic but you’re also undeniably brilliant. You’ve managed to surpass all of us and in such a brief amount of time. I fear my actions today were spawned from the argument I had with my father recently. He’s very put out with me because I’ve “allowed” you to beat me in each and every subject. He’s very cross with me at the moment, and told me in no uncertain terms that I’m sullying the Malfoy name each time you do better than I.

And it’s with a heavy heart that I realized I acted out of jealousy, spite and embarrassment and hurt you with my words. I overheard your friends speaking about your reaction later, and truthfully Granger - I feel like a bloody arse. No matter what your opinion is of me, which I’m fully aware must be very low - I feel no sense of victory knowing that my words cut deeply enough to make someone as strong as you are cry.

I don’t like making girls cry. I don’t like knowing I made you cry. I feel horribly about it all. It’s rather confusing, to be entirely honest.

I wish I could tell you how bloody brilliant I think you are. I’m sure you know this already, about your brilliance, I mean. But not only that, Granger. You’re kind and loyal and gentle and ...good. It’s no wonder you were sorted into Gryffindor - I don’t think anyone else embodies the house quite like you do. You’re rather amazing, Granger. Muggle born, or not. I wish I could tell you that instead of trying to tear you down each and every time we face off.

I am sorry, Granger. Truly. I wish I could be as good a person as you are. I wish I were allowed to be.

Sincerely,

Draco Malfoy

♥♥♥

Hermione,

I swear by the old gods and new, I didn’t mean it.

I don’t want you to die. I don’t even know why I said such a horrific thing.

I do know that I’ve been sick twice just thinking about it. What the bloody hell is wrong with me?

And now you’re in the infirmary and no one knows if or when you’ll all wake up and I’m so fucking sorry...so sorry. I’d curse my own bloody self if it’d help in any way. I wish there were something I could do, I wish I could atone for this disgusting, vile need to lash out at you so often.

I hate myself for it. You don’t deserve it, Hermione. I know you don’t, but it’s expected of me and I’m just not strong enough to forge my own way. And Merlin knows you deserve so much better.

Fuck, please wake up, Hermione. Even if I can never bring myself to actually apologize to you - you have wake up. You make the world brighter just by being a part of it.

Please wake up. And forgive me. Please.

Yours,

Draco Malfoy

♥♥♥

Hermione Granger,

I’m so bloody proud of you.

While you would probably never believe me, my wounded pride after the hippogriff incident isn’t what caused me to go to my father over it. And I truly didn’t know that he would be so savage in his quest for retribution. I know now that my behavior that day caused the attack, but the moment it happened you had looked so frightened and all I could think was that I didn’t want anything like that to happen to you, or anyone else I guess.

But blimey, the way you looked when you were stomping towards me, your wild hair was crackling with magic and your eyes - your eyes were flashing with fury and righteous indignation and then you punched me and Merlin it hurt but I all I could think was how fucking proud I was of you. You showed absolutely no fear, and even though you must’ve been overwhelmed in your grief at the matter, not an ounce of it showed in that moment.

You looked like a glorious avenging angel ready to strike me down.

You never cease to amaze me. I’m sorry about the whole damn thing, except for that punch. I’ve deserved it for years and I’m quite happy you got the chance to do it. You deserved to be the one to do so.

Sincerely,

The foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach

♥♥♥

Hermione,

You looked utterly breathtaking tonight. I cannot express in words how beautiful you looked. It literally took my breath away. And trust me, I was not only one. I’ve always known that you were attractive on some level, I am man and you are a woman and we notice those types of things, but tonight?

You looked like angel.

I saw you after, crying. It quite simply broke my heart to see you broken mere hours after you looked like you were on top of the world. I had wanted to come to you and offer comfort, but I knew I couldn’t and you most likely would’ve have hexed me had I tried. So instead, I noseyed around until I found someone willing to gossip.

The Weasel is stupid, Granger. He’s blind and ignorant and I’d love nothing more than to break his stupid face with my fists.

You were glorious tonight, Hermione. He’s probably only cross because he was to thick to notice what we all have and embarrassed that he blew his chance. I sincerely hope you don’t take any of what that imbecile said to heart.

You’re much too smart for that.

You’re a beautiful girl, Hermione. A beautiful girl with a beautiful soul and brilliant mind. Anyone would be extraordinarily lucky to call you their own. And I’m so dreadfully sorry that your night was tarnished.

I feel kind of hollow and desperately sad about it myself.

Perhaps it’s because my evening was spent listening to Pansy ramble on and on about you in jealousy. But I doubt it.

Chin up, Hermione. You’re much too beautiful to cry.

Yours,

Draco Malfoy

♥♥♥

Hermione,

I am so sorry.

This is getting too hard now. How am I supposed to apologize for my own father trying to kill you and all of your friends? How am I supposed to make that any better?

I was so relieved when you pulled through. That curse you took, it’s ghastly. I thought for sure…

But you’re always surprising me aren’t you? You’re so bloody strong, Granger. Salazar forgive me, but I think you’re the most incredible witch I’ve ever met.

Things are getting bad, really bad and I’m bloody terrified, Hermione. I don't want this. Any of it, but - I have no choice. I don’t know what to do. Gods, I’d give anything to actually be able to talk to you about this. You’re so fucking smart, Granger. If anyone could figure a way out, it’d be you.

Fuck.

Should have, could have, would have…

Blast, Hermione, I’m never going to be able to earn your forgiveness now. I had hoped, desperately that one day, maybe...but no, not now.

Is it wrong of me to hate my father?

Regretfully and faithfully yours,

Draco Malfoy

#Dramione #ficlet

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swiztothistay · 7 years

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Open Letter to the Grey’s Anatomy fans, cast, and crew:

I’ve been a Grey’s Anatomy fan since 2005. I’ve had my Twitter account since 2009. I remember the ‘good old days,’ like in 2013 when Ellen Pompeo first joined Twitter and would tweet super random things and loved interacting with us. The Grey’s Anatomy fandom is (for the most part) an incredibly supportive community that I’ve generally enjoyed taking part in. I’ve met some of my best friends there. However, in recent years, particularly since 2015, I have noticed an increasingly negative side of that community.

As it stands right now, the Grey’s fandom on Twitter is an incredibly toxic environment and appears to consist of whiny, entitled teenagers who seem to think it’s acceptable to direct their complaints about characters and storylines to the cast, writers, and/or crew involved. Let me be very clear about this point:

It’s not acceptable. Period.

These are people who dedicate their lives to creating stories and characters for us as fans. They work 18+ hour days an awful lot of the time. Much of the cast has remained and continues to remain at Grey’s because of the fans. However, as of late, fans show absolutely no respect for these people and it continually astounds me how you treat them. You have all contributed to a fandom that has successfully alienated the cast and crew of a show you all claim to love. Caterina rarely tweets. Jessica doesn’t interact with any of you, and in fact unfollowed most of the fans she did follow. Justin avoided Twitter for months. Ellen can’t be asked 95% of the time, and I truly believe that this is a direct result of supposed “fans” either a) simply being incredibly rude [yet expecting respectful responses back?!?!], or b) complaining because storylines on the show aren’t going as you would like them to.

Recently, one fan (jokingly?) tweeted Krista Vernoff, who has only recently returned to Grey’s as an executive producer, that they would “burn down her house” if she didn’t do right by their 'ship.’ Threats like this are not a joke to these people – who have had to deal with incidents such as fans showing up on their doorsteps and calling their phones, for example. Fans like that have instilled fear into the hearts of this cast. You have no boundaries and zero respect for their privacy. The cast, though being celebrities, are everyday people like us. They are entitled to their privacy. You don’t get to demand access into their lives simply because you are a fan. Stop acting like it’s your God-given right.

To the many MerDer fans I know who have a tendency to slut-shame Meredith for being with other men since Derek: that’s simply not fair. It has been two years since his death for us as viewers, and longer in the Grey’s timeline. While I admit, as a diehard MerDer fan myself, it pains me to watch Mer move on, I think it’s important to realize that Meredith (and all widows) have every right to move on – on their timeline, and at their choosing. You wouldn’t slut shame a widow in your own life, would you?

To the many “fans” who once loved MerDer, once loved Patrick as much as they love Ellen, who now bash Patrick for leaving: you have NO reason to consistently bash a man who, despite your best attempts at denial, helped make Grey’s Anatomy what it was. For years, Ellen Pompeo and Patrick Dempsey were the face of the show. MerDer is a huge part of pop culture and even if a person didn’t watch the show, chances were they could identify MerDer, or at the very least Ellen and/or Patrick. Simply put, you don’t know what happened. No one, except the members of the cast who were on set at the time, know what happened. It’s likely we will never know. And, we are not entitled to that knowledge. Really, it’s none of our business. Shonda and the rest of the cast and crew are done talking about it. You need to be too.

To the fans who tweet negative things about a character simply to get a rise out of others: we all see how you do this and then play the victim when said character’s fans go on the defense. You just create more drama and add to the toxic nature of the fandom. It’s ugly. You try and then claim how “you don’t know me” and how “I’m a good person.” Well, do the rest of us a favor and show us that so-called good character through your ACTIONS. If your timeline is full of you calling other fans words I will not repeat here, it’s hard to assume you are a decent person. It’s really not that hard to keep your mouth shut if you don’t like someone or something. I’m guessing though, that most of your parents never taught you that principle of “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all.” However, the same goes for those who jump to the defense of their favorite characters - be respectful or don’t say anything.

To the MANY so-called fans who, for the past nine months, have consistently slandered Ellen Pompeo, who send her hateful comments every time she tweets about racism, who call her 'Ms. Reverse Racism’ (among other things), and then cry victim when Ellen responds in kind, congrats! You have created a culture where it’s seen as “cool” to hate the star of your favorite show, to tear her down, and to tear her fans down. It’s clear you also enjoy actively seeking out her fans who continue to support her and harassing them as well. You also have been caught tweeting hateful things to lay people who aren’t involved in the Grey’s fandom but have met her, and that is completely and utterly vile.

It is also quite evident to many of us that those who attack Ellen and call her a reverse racist do not fully understand the issue at hand. Ellen has three biracial children. Her husband is black. You cannot honestly think that, even as a white woman with privilege, it doesn’t strike fear into her heart that perhaps one day her husband might be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong law enforcement officer(s)? That her children won’t experience racism and hatred on the playground or in class one day? A mother’s heart bleeds when her children are in pain. Ellen wants better for her children than what is happening in America today. She is 100% an ally and is on the right side, fighting against racism and discrimination every day – despite your extremely misguided opinions. She is also not wrong in that racism comes in many forms. It occurs at a systematic level, at a community level, at an individual level. The issue is FAR more complex than you all make it out to be – it is not, for lack of better words, a black and white issue. There are many issues at play here.

Yes, sometimes we have to educate those fighting on the front lines with us. Rather than attacking someone for using the wrong words, educate them. And by educate, that does not mean attacking them, calling them fat, calling them a white bitch, etc. As Krista herself said, you get more flies with honey than with vinegar. The way to educate your allies is with kindness, empathy, and respect. You also might have more success if you were respectful - rather than being disrespectful and expecting Ellen’s respect back. She is not a woman who respects those who disrespect her. Respect is earned. You are not automatically entitled to it. Don’t alienate your allies. Ellen has a huge platform and is using it to raise awareness of so many important social justice and environmental issues. And if you don’t like it, or if you take issue with which emoji colors she uses…there is a handy little unfollow button at the top right on her profile. There is also a block button, where you won’t be privy to anything she tweets. Make use of these.

In recent weeks, some of my own friends have left the fandom because they could no longer handle the toxic environment. For their own mental health and well-being, they had to leave. That’s sad. These people love the cast, they love the characters, but they no longer feel safe expressing that anymore. This feeling of not being safe has also come about as a direct result of “group chat” accounts, where multiple people have access to the same account. These people use these groups as a medium to publicly post their “jokes” - many of which are in fact harmful. Your group chat accounts aren’t cute. You can claim that the intent was a joke all you want, but that doesn’t negate the harm you do. You don’t get to say hateful things and then dictate how others respond, under the claim that “it’s a joke.” Be more conscious of your words, and how they have consequences, unintended as they may be. Truthfully, it is much easier to simply think about the things you say than to undo the harm, regardless of your intent.

Ellen, in her 2016 speech accepting the award for 'Best TV Drama’ at the People’s Choice Awards, said that “Our show is about understanding, and compassion, and tolerance, and kindness. And those are themes that we could all use more of.” Let’s make this fandom reflect that as well. Be kinder to the cast and crew and show them some respect. Be kinder to each other. Be more accepting. We all have different favourite characters and different reasons for having those favourites. We each bring different perspectives and experiences to the table. Let’s try to recognize that and create a culture of respect for each other. It’s perfectly fine to disagree on things. What’s not okay is to brutally attack each other, to treat each other with rudeness and hatred. At the end of the day, we all love the same TV show: Grey’s Anatomy.

Finally, on behalf of the 99% of the Grey’s fandom to whom 1% gives a bad name, I would like to extend my apologies to the Grey’s Anatomy cast, crew and writers for the behavior of this small group of fans who have overtaken our fandom and appear to represent us. There is a vast majority of fans who are incredible people that greatly respect and admire the work you all do. We are just outshadowed by the negative. It’s time for that to change.

Look what you made me do. Adriana (@swiftxgreys on Twitter)

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