#literally im ridiculous. OVER 200k WORDS. LITERALLY SHUT UP THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

[peachcitt]

fanfic year in review - 2020

hey laddies i was tagged by both @miabrown007 and @strangerahne to do this, so without further ado here we go!

1) List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished: 

Bone Tea (march) // All These Selfish Feelings (march) // Doomed from the Start (may) // Wouldn’t it be Nice (may) // my favorite set of stairs is the one up to your room (may) // screw the classics, and screw you for believing in them (june) // Friendship Bracelets (june) // Those Benevolent Stars (june) // the dark and the stained glass watchers (july) // Bloodsucker (july) // Messy Advances (july) // Happy Endings, the Sun, and Other Steps to Madness (july) // Guessing Game (august) // Passion Fruit Sunset [zine piece, currently unavailable] (september) // Home Coming [zine piece, currently unavailable] (november) // here (november) // bread and oranges (november) // clarity (november) // burgundy, near black (december) // About Emma Martin (december) // cherries (december) // falling, flying (december) // aloe-infused fuzzy socks (december)

23 fics??? okay well looking at it like this just makes me feel ridiculous

2) Number of words written:

219,184 words (which includes my unfinished fics on ao3 and the wips i haven’t posted)

again looking at it like this just makes me feel ridiculous

3) Your most popular fic:

friendship bracelets - the first in the series of my homoerotic college au zukka fics. honestly? i can’t even say im surprised

4) Your personal fav:

MAN this is hard. okay it’s gotta be a four-way tie between bone tea, those benevolent stars, home coming, and screw the classics and screw you for believing in them but really i could be lying because i wrote so much this year (i guess now last year?) that i was really really proud of 

5) Your fav scene:

okay i have a lot of favorites but for right now i’ll say: the scene in chapter 3 of those benevolent stars when adrien and marinette are sitting on the banks of the seine and they talk about their favorite colors and adrien’s soulmate - it’s such a quiet and gentle moment, and because you know that their favorite colors are based off each other’s eyes but only marinette knows that and because you know adrien is talking about his soulmate to his soulmate and she knows it but he doesn’t. it’s full of such beautiful, tragic dramatic irony that i just love so so much

6) A fic or scene that challenged you:

hm okay the last few chapters of bone tea were definitely challenging not only because of, like, the big fight scenes (which, im not really comfortable writing fight scenes) but also because i had take all of the mess of emotions in bt and wrap it all up into a conclusion that needed to be satisfying. the same could be said about happy endings, the sun, and other steps to madness (minus the fight scene part)

writing impure - my changeling jim au fic - has also been a fun challenge because i basically watch trollhunters episodes as i write, examining each line of dialogue and each character interaction and seeing how that scene or relationship would be changed by the fact that jim is a changeling. it was also a little challenging to keep everything fresh and new - especially at the times when the dialogue from the show stayed the same in the fic, but so far, im really really happy with the way the fic is going

7) A line of writing you’re proud of:

off the top of my head are these two lines, both from screw the classics:

It was the ‘Daisy, Daisy, Daisy’s, over and over. Like her name conveyed some sort of deeper meaning that she expected Daisy to be able to understand. Like if she repeated it enough, it would become a sort of prayer that God would listen to, that He would enact to make Daisy put her fists away for once in her pitiful life. It was just “Daisy, Daisy, Daisy” over and over until her name stopped sounding like a name, like a word, and it was just a sound to fill the silence so that neither of them would have to talk about the way Basira’s touch lingered each time she wiped blood away or the way Daisy would always sit so that her knees touched Basira’s even though they were on the floor and there was more than enough room for them to breathe different air.

and

But sometimes Jon was easier than Basira. He didn’t have any of Basira’s softness - he was all edges and sharp lines. His elbows were basically knives, and his hips were edged with broken glass.

the first paragraph i really love because there’s almost a rhythm to it - like poetry - and i love the sound of it and all that it means in the context of the fic. 

the second little bit i just love because every so often i think about it and i love the imagery and metaphor and the way it fits jon - in canon and in this fic. in this fic, they’re all in high school so jon is gangly and skinny and bony and in general, he’s just abrasive and a little rude. this description of him i just love (and the way i described him from martin’s pov in doomed from the start; “Jonathan Sims looked, even from a distance, as if he was perpetually smelling something awful. His features, just left of handsome, were marred by furrowed eyebrows and a distasteful frown.”)

8) A comment that touched you:

LITERALLY SO MANY????? the comments on the final chapter of bone tea, telling me that the story was something that they loved and found comfort in, the long comments on any of my fics detailing their exact favorite parts, the comments that were just short jokes that made me laugh out loud - literally i can’t pinpoint one. im just so thankful to have written things that people respond to with such kindness and love

9) Something that inspired your writing:

music!!!!!! i found myself making playlists for a few of my fics this year or listening to specific old playlists of mine for the right mood for a fic, and it’s really inspired me to write

also, as always, my own personal experiences. i thought and felt a lot this year, and i think in every single one of the fics i posted this year, you can probably find a central thought or feeling driving it that no doubt comes from my personal life

10) Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

finishing bone tea and tying the title to the fic!!!!!!!! finishing happy endings and also tying that title to the fic!!!!!! getting accepted into two different zines and working with two different amazing artists and completing those fics!!!!!!!! literally writing anything at all!!!!!!!!!

11) Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

i think mainly i just want to write, you know? i want to stop putting so much pressure on myself, because this past year i put so much pressure on myself that i was constantly feeling like i was underperforming (which was, like, super untrue, but you know how it goes) so when i wasn’t writing i felt like i was wasting time. i mean, don’t get me wrong, i had so much fun writing and creating all of these things that im so so proud of, it’s just the space in between writing sessions that i want to let myself breathe in. i don’t want to dread thinking about writing for fun anymore because that’s not fun

besides that, i think my other goals are to just continue forward with my unfinished projects - impure, the new wave, the bone tea extras - and to officially start the other two long fic ideas i have for mlb that ive been really excited about for a long while. this past year i wrote a lot of one shots (like. so many. oh my god) so maybe this year i might focus on long projects. who knows though definitely not me it’ll be a surprise for all of us

=

anyway that’s all!! thanks mia and strangerahne for tagging me!! ive been needing a lot of reminders lately that i have, in fact, written this year, and having to, like, do math and scroll through my ao3 page and all my google docs has been really enlightening so thanks so much for this

i tag: @lnc2, @chatnoirinette, @deinde-prandium, and @rosekasa! y’all don’t have to do this, but i’d love to see how y’all felt about your works this year and also to see y’all love yourselves very much because you deserve it. also literally anyone can do this you can just say i tagged you i don’t mind it’ll be our secret - i highly encourage it because it’s very sweet and very fun to look back on all you’ve accomplished this year

<3<3<3<3

#tag game #GOOD LORD.THIS TOOK ME LIKE TWO HOURS KJFBGLKDFJHLSDIHG:SD #i will admit. most of those two hours was spent trying to figure out my word count akjfghlk #also scrolling through my ao3 and linking all my fics that also took a while #BUT REALLY while i was adding up my word count i just kept on staring at the growing number like ????jfc??????? #i know ive been posting about it a lot lately but the fact that i have had the audacity to keep on getting antsy over not writing??? #literally im ridiculous. OVER 200k WORDS. LITERALLY SHUT UP THAT'S RIDICULOUS. #and the fact that i wrote so much of those words during a pandemic and going through perhaps one of the worst years of my life??? #struggling with personal issues and mental issues and school issues and like. SO MANY ISSUES????? HOW #idk this was just so so validating. also terrifying. god #im scared of myself tbh. i have no idea how i did any of this. i feel like i just. blacked out and now im here and FUCK I JUST FUCKJFHLGJSR #IT JUST SUNK IN THAT IT'S 2021 NOW???????? H O W #like logically i knew 2020 would have to end at some point but like most days felt like fucking decades so ?? #god. it's a whole new year now. that's fuckng wild bro #im feeling emotional. it doesn't help that im listening to my favorite band (armors) now and it's the song that always brings me to myknees #EMPTY AND WORN YOU CARRY ME HOME NOW YOU'RE LETTING GO OF ME BROKEN AND TORN YOU CARRY ME HOME NOW YOU'RE LETTING GO OF ME #tell me that doesn't send you into a State. you can't. fuck. #(the song is comatose by armors btw) #SPEAKING of armors when i was typing out the fics i had written this year i realized that two fics in a row were named after armors songs #all these selfish feelings (chlonette; lyric from portland by armors) and doomed from the start (jonmartin; lyric from name by armors) #im literally so lame. and that's fine #also i scrolled up just now to check and i realized that i have FOUR FICS IN A ROW NAMED AFTER SONGS??? #man i really wasn't kidding when i said i was inspired by music huh sldjfhgsjfh #also in case you're wondering they're all these selfish feelings and doomed from the start and ALSO #wouldn't it be nice (jonmartin; lyrics from wouldn't it be nice by the beach boys) #and my favorite set of stairs is the one up to your room (adrinette; 11:11 by waterparks) #ANYWAY i should be done with this post now sorry for anyone who is still reading for having to deal with my rambling #and goodnight sweet dreams happy new year ily

[tobns]

okAY you blessed me w so many numbers so im about to hit you back. 12, 15, 23, 26, 36, 42, 27, 28, 29. ALSO SORRY FOR BEING A BAD TEXTER TONIGHT I SUCK!!!!!!! im about to text you rrrrrright now.

you heard it here first folks, never text melissa (jk you’re all good you know i don’t care lmao)

12. favorite place to write

i have several of these, not gonna lie, like i’m most at home writing at home in my bed since it’s where i am the majority of the time but i also really like writing here at my memaw’s house in her floor because terrible lighting always inspires ya girl, also i really love writing on the balcony whenever me and my family go to the beach or just any vacation in general

15. hardest verse to write

probably my cdg universe? it is without a doubt one of the most fun verses i’ve written in but it requires almost all of me whenever i sit down and write for it because it is a) bouncing back and forth within multiple time frames, it’s not strictly linear and b) much heavier than a lot of the stuff i’ve written in the past and i just have to fully commit whenever i dive headfirst and that’s why chapters tend to be a novel and take a lil bit

23. least favorite story you’ve ever written

hmmmm this is tough, i kinda love all the stories i’ve written in the past even if they make me cringe to hell and back, i think my least favorite is probably ******?? and reasoning why is that i literally have to censor it because it caused me so much motherfucking controversy after the prologue was released that i just had to drop it and it just….it was a dark time

26. story you’re most proud of

even though it’s still in progress, i am so ridiculously proud of cdg because it is a big step in the grown up, not just writing romance!fic anymore direction and the writing feels like me for once??? and also inferno, which is a part of a saga and because i don’t ever write sequels for stories but this was a sequel and it was without a doubt one of the most cinematic pieces i’ve done?? granted she was based off a few movies but still it played out like a movie and yeah

27. best review you ever got

on my fanfic only, simply, absolutely just on ao3, a kind user by the name of @eloquentdrivil left me a few comments and i swear…i read them each about 27 times and nearly cried it was so kind and lovely and yeah and this was the first one and i’ll never fucking forget it either bc it came off a long period of not writing and being unhappy with writing fic, honestly, and getting something like this revitalized my LOVE and passion for fic tbh

God damn, this is honestly amazing. Just, I’m kinda choking on it, kinda stuck trying to spin my head out of the story and back into reality, because this is just…captivating. Enthralling. And yeah, it’s god damn devastating.This story is so good, it feels like my soul’s tipped sideways and I can’t quite pull it upright again. Whooo, I’m gonna need a minute. You’re kinda really amazing.

28. worst review you ever got

i have two: one was the first piece of hate mail i ever got for one of my fics (i used to get a lot of hate mail back in my thg writing days lmao) and it told me that my fanfiction was, brace yourself, fake. i laughed for twenty hours over it, it was so fucking dumb, lmao. the other was one that just pissed me off to know end on inferno, a story that i’d had in the works since 2012/2013 really and a stupid ass canon development in age of ultron was entirely irrelevant to my story and this GUEST CAME ON A STORY THAT WAS LITERALLY OVER 200K+ IN, THREE YEARS OLD IN TERMS OF PLANNING AND DEVELOPED TELLING ME THAT I OUGHT TO TAKE THESE DAMN PLOT DEVICES INTO CONSIDERATION AND I WAS LIKE….DO YOU EVEN READ THIS GODDAMN STORY BECAUSE THEY LITERALLY CONTRADICT EVERYTHING I HAVE WRITTEN OVER THE LAST THREE YEARS AND 200K+????????? it steams my clams to this day

29. favorite story/poem of another author

louder than words by internthree on ffnet, that story made me cry so many times and i don’t CRY WHEN I READ FIC OKAY I JUST DO NOT but this….had to shut my laptop and sob for a few

36. one-shot or multi-chaptered story?

multi multi multi, anytime i write a legit oneshot (meaning not a request) they always become four and five month undertakings

42. do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind?

both, tbh. i used to be able to freehand everything (see: bcw, and look at how that turned out for ya girl……cringe) and never really had to plan but now with the scale of stories i like to write and my constant gathering of ideas and attention span of a squirrel 87% of the time as it is i have to write down ideas i have or else i will FORGET THEM and sometimes i plan things out just to help motivate my ass

#melissa #long post #bet you didn't expect my hoe ass to ramble for 304 hours #edit: I FOUND THAT THEY HAD A TUMBLR AND I HAD TO TAG BC....god i love