#lucky bastard that i am i dodged all of it! haha how great! of course i’m fine I’m always fine

[altschmerzes]

.

spent all afternoon with my family getting ready for the funeral sunday. acutely reminded that they’re all, particularly my sister, under the impression i am a robot who has no feelings and no problems and lives in a rainbow castle full of sunshine and sparkles and nothing is ever difficult or stressful or traumatizing for me.

that was. great.

#gav gab #my sister said to my face. to my FACE. that the problems in our family #and this is a direct quote #skipped me and hit them twice #which they were referring in that moment specifically to addiction issues #but makes for a very neat summary of how they view me in general #they have every problem and i have none #lucky bastard that i am i dodged all of it! haha how great! of course i’m fine I’m always fine #which is just #1. how the fuck would they know #they don’t know basic information about me or my life and that’s one hell of an assumption #2. addiction is a spectre that has haunted my entire life even if ive never actively had substance abuse problems myself #it’s almost like i got terrorized by our father while he was on drugs and drunk all the time #and they don’t remember any of that because they were too little and it didn’t fucking happen to them #and I’ve been petrified of touching any of it ever since #HM! IMAGINE! #idk how to even tag this sorry #abuse cw #death cw