#they have every problem and i have none

[altschmerzes]

.

spent all afternoon with my family getting ready for the funeral sunday. acutely reminded that they’re all, particularly my sister, under the impression i am a robot who has no feelings and no problems and lives in a rainbow castle full of sunshine and sparkles and nothing is ever difficult or stressful or traumatizing for me.

that was. great.

#gav gab #my sister said to my face. to my FACE. that the problems in our family #and this is a direct quote #skipped me and hit them twice #which they were referring in that moment specifically to addiction issues #but makes for a very neat summary of how they view me in general #they have every problem and i have none #lucky bastard that i am i dodged all of it! haha how great! of course i’m fine I’m always fine #which is just #1. how the fuck would they know #they don’t know basic information about me or my life and that’s one hell of an assumption #2. addiction is a spectre that has haunted my entire life even if ive never actively had substance abuse problems myself #it’s almost like i got terrorized by our father while he was on drugs and drunk all the time #and they don’t remember any of that because they were too little and it didn’t fucking happen to them #and I’ve been petrified of touching any of it ever since #HM! IMAGINE! #idk how to even tag this sorry #abuse cw #death cw

[bleepblopbloop56]

The thing about usagi is that he really does think he does his best to mind his own buisness. Like in his head hes all "i like minding my own buisness, i dont enjoy fighting, its only a last resort" but in practice he has never minded his buisness once, breaks into peoples houses, spies on people, and uses his sword to solve every conflict.

But he really does believe that all of this is completley unavoidable, and hes just having a bad luck streak

#and i love him for it really #like every 20 comics hell say something to the effect of 'well thats none of my buisness' and then promptly MAKE IT his buisness #like baby maybe if everysituation youre in is life or death #it might not be just a fluke #it might be you #thats not to say its NEVER an accident #he is robbed by bandits and assasins after him regularly #but most of his problems are not actually his problems and are infact other peoples problems #he just doesnt have the brains to say no #usagi yojimbo #miyamoto usagi

[grishaverse-chaos]

hmmm something about dominik haunting the narrative in king of scars. everything nikolai does is at least a little bit for him. he learns about the life of average ravkan people by meeting dominik's family. he starts gaining influence in politics just so he can improve dominik's life. and then he promises dominik that he won't let ravka break him.

that promise fucking haunts him. it follows him wherever he goes. it's the driving force behind everything he does, every step he takes to heal the centuries-old wounds in ravka. it's what drives him to do better, be better.

dominik is always there, in the back of his mind: this country gets you in the end. always pushing him to do more, because he couldn't save dominik and so he has to save ravka (for dominik) (because he promised) (because he loved him)

#my spicy hot take is that nikolai's relationship with dominik actually affects the narrative of the duology more than - #- his relationship with zoya does #you could argue that *none* of the events of the duology would have happened without dominik's influence #and honestly zoyalai as a relationship doesn't really affect the narrative/plotline all that much #which is One of the problems i have with it being endgame #anyway yes i am writing an angsty nikolai backstory fic why do you ask? #it's mostly about how he reinvents himself at every minor inconvenience (but also how incredibly fucked up his childhood was) #and if i have the energy it might turn into a rewrite of the ending of rule of wolves #bc him giving up the throne just plays into that pattern of running away #so honestly i think it's not a great ending in terms of his arc and character development #this may just be a me thing idk but i just feel like he doesn't actually get that much development in the duology #bc there's this idea of him as being Perfect and Invulnerable and Not Affected By His Trauma #which. is not the case. #it's all very dear reader (taylor swift) imo #ANYWAY #mayhem.txt #mayhem grishaverse originals #nikolai lantsov #shadow and bone #king of scars #grishaverse

[hajihiko]

That is generally sad because having parents who aren't really abusive or emotionally straining yet- they don't really feel like people who LOVE you? I guess? Like- Hajime's parents were probably just normal everyday parents like Makotos but, I'm just spit Ballin here, they're less optimistic than Makotos parents, who in contrast, always bonded with their children and loved them right off the bat.

You can feel like a stranger in your family, and that sucks. It's no one's direct fault and no one can point to any huge grievance, which makes it hard to pinpoint, which means you never get the Comfort Of Family or the Tools of Dealing With Abusive Parents- you just. Manage.

#Parents who do their due diligence but cannot connect with their kid once it has a personality and opinions- it's real ask your friends #I feel like Hajimes parents just sort of went By The Book and nothing more. #Convo at the dinnertable was just. How was school? How was work? Any extra curriculars? #The neighbours got a dog. How is your old friend? Oh you havent talked in 6 years? The balcony needs painting. #That's it. Bed time. No one ever gets close at all. It's more polite conversation than you'd have at the bus stop #No interest and most of all no desire or dare to rock the boat. This works. We function as a family. That's the best we can do. #Otherwise we'd bring up a problem which unearths years and YEARS of unhappiness that ruins our otherwise stable life #Every single moment of frustration comes out at once. Because none of it ever got aired out. Cant have that can we?? #So again. How was school? Doing good? Try hard okay? Good night.

[autistic-beshelar]

ah yes dungeon meshi, the manga where an autistic man gets repeatedly bullied by people he thinks are his friends and not a single person supports him

#dont get me wrong i am enjoying this manga #but i'm failing to see how this is some great amazing autistic rep #like yeah laios is obviously autistic #and the struggles he has due to his autism are VERY relatable #but it's deeply uncomfortable that even the people closest to him are routinely awful to him #specifically for his autistic traits #and their bullying is almost always a joke #not a single person defends him #literally senshi is the only character that's never been cruel to him #well and farlyn but lbr she's also autistic and also has been in like half a chapter that ive read so far #maybe ive just not read far enough or not seen enough posts #but im not understanding why the fandom are treating it like amazing autistic rep and how it understands us so well #you could argue that the narrative tends to support laios's methods and way of thinking #but nothing else does #the scene with shuro was fucking awful to read tbh #'you're so annoying because you're autistic. how dare you think im your friend when you should have just guessed that i hated you' #and not a single person defends laios #or calls shuro out on what a fucking horrific way of treating a party member that is #like i dont know MAYBE you could have just said 'hey i don't really want to be friends' #maybe you could COMMUNICATE. #but no it's the autistic man who's the problem. for the crime of.... being too nice. #i don't have a problem with the scene. #i have a problem with the fact that shuro is framed as reasonable here. instead of utterly fucking vile. #i have a problem with none of the other characters sticking up for laios. #dungeon meshi #maybe ppl will start treating him better #i would like to continue reading #but if he continues getting bullied in EVERY fucking chapter as a 'joke' then idk man

[screambirdscreaming]

At the bus stop one time there was a gaggle of preschoolers waiting to catch the bus for a field trip day, and someone walked past with a couple of friendly little dogs, to great general delight.

But after a little bit, the dogs were getting overwhelmed, and the preschoolers were gently coaxed to back off so the person with the dogs could continue on. Specifically, one of the preschool teachers said, "Sometimes, when you're small, being surrounded by big people can be a bit scary and overwhelming. Even if they are friendly."

This was recieved as great wisdom: after all, the preschoolers were also small, and understood how scary and overwhelming big people could be! And the dogs were indeed even smaller than the preschoolers, so it made sense.

What was funny and charming was that, upon absorbing and reflecting on this wisdom, they all felt the need to tell it to one another. In tones of great insight, they turned to one another and said, "Did you know? Sometimes when you are small, being surrounded by big people can be scary and overwhelming! Even if they are friendly!" Back and forth, without any particular concern that they were all saying the same thing. Have reached comprehension of an insight, it must be shared!

I must say that this behavior is less charming in tumblr users than in preschoolers. Not least because tumblr users, having gained a little analytical skill to misuse, insist on Summarizing and Generalizing and Unifying the insights they repeat, quickly turning any interesting new information into formulaic dogmatic mush.

#i made the mistake of looking in the notes of the beach sand post i reblogged to see if anyone else had interesting comments #And the rate at which it went from like #1) person states with moderate confidence an opinion based on their personal observations #2) multiple people reply with “wow thats so insightful!” (aka it aligns with my preconceived notions of how things work) #3) someone else adds additional personal observations which are not really relevant but which can be absorbed into the narrative #4) people start outright stating the underlying belief on which this bias is constructed as if it were a fresh insight #5) general derisive attitude towards people who haven't seen the Obviously Correct solution to this complex real world problem yet #It's very....... #It's not like it's a high stakes post but it's such a microcosm of the whole dogmatic phenomenon #Also this js a more specific gripe to My Field or w/e #But the degree to which people react to the problems caused by the whole “Control of Nature” era of engineering #with this equally reductive “Nature will Fix Everything” type of attitude #Is sooooo frustrating. #Yes a great many of our current problems could have been avoided if we had not made massive changes to ecosystem processes on the assumptio #That they were simple and we understood them. And that they would respond in predictable ways. #the simplicity in retrospect of “wow we Should Not have done that” does not mean that they are simple to undo! #You can't go back in time. You can't turn back the clock on chaotic processes #Which is. Almost every process ever. #Restoration is hard! Returning to previous regimes of sediment or flooding or fire is tricky and full of foibles! #Moving towards a future which doesn't suck as much even if the past cant be recreated is also uncertain and difficult! #It's frustrating to see people act all high and mighty about how they Respect Nature unlike whoever is making all these decisions #When their understanding of the natural processes in question is AS simplistic as the people who caused the whole mess back in 1910 or w/e #Like I'm not saying there's not bad interests standing in the way of functional restoration on all levels #That's very much a fight to be fought. #But looking at that fight-in-process and saying “wow none of you Respect Nature like me uwu let nature fix it” #Is. #Ugh.

[sovonight]

why is so much of sewing just tracing and cutting and tracing again q_q i see why people get projectors and use adobe illustrator now

#drawing up a design that i can easily pattern from my sloper: 😊 #actually having to make the pattern by tracing and cutting ad infinitum: 😰 #piecing together printer paper to get a big enough sheet of paper and doing this ten million times: 🥲😭 #not to mention the IRONING.... prewashing the fabric and having to iron 8 yards of fabric???? excuse me???? #and then distorting it as i iron bc it has a slight stretch and i got so tired i stopped being careful 2 yards in #and the way that you're supposed to press every seam... excuse me... am i just supposed to have my iron heated and on standby at all times #AND THE STEAM??? i just got stay tape the other day and thought it'd be a neat alternative to stay stitching #BUT IT NEEDS STEAM TO ACTIVATE (which okay makes sense) BUT long story short i'm too afraid to use the steam function #on my iron because none of us are sure if water should go back into a tank that's been in disuse for 30+ years #so instead i get this water spray pen and delicately spray down the length of each piece of stay tape #before i cover it with a piece of gauze and iron it. and then i have to iron it extra so all the water actually evaporates #oh and the spray pen holds as much water as half a pen so i have to walk to the kitchen every 10 sprays to refill it #and i have to do this for every curved edge on my pattern pieces #i mean the alternative is just stay stitching but then i would have to calibrate my settings for a single layer of fabric instead of double #which means i have to switch my needle out more and i'm still new enough that sometimes i install a needles wrong despite going through #all the same exact motions that i usually would. i'm LITERALLY suffering out here. anyway can't wait to sew or whatever #oh and did i mention i went to a sewing meetup recently? yeah... #everyone there bought like $30-$100/yard fabric and i was there awkwardly knowing i only buy like $12/yard fabric #honestly though i have the opposite problem people usually joke about. i find it So hard to find fabric i actually like #it needs to be the right fiber + right color + right pattern/texture + right weight + i have to know exactly what i'm going to make with it

[retordedd]

I never use this blog because the eddsworld fandom is genuinely the only fandom I've been completely fucking miserable trying to engage with. It's full of trans people and yet the community is SO hostile towards non-afab or non masc aligned in some way trans people. I've had people blatantly refused to respect my pronouns after saying they would. I've been misgendered in a server full of trans people where literally no one else was misgendered because there were pronoun roles. In that same server, while I was uplifting trans people making jokes about being proud of their bodies, they made fun of me for not having breasts. I've had multiple people debate my boundaries like it's a topic of discussion because I asked not to be called dude, a GENDERED TERM. I've had people gang up on me to the point of tears because I dared to describe my experiences being raised with an unconventional relationship to gender. I've been accused of holding grudges and being aggressive for even daring to speak up when I'm tired of being treated this way

And these events don't refer to a bunch of random assholes, they refer to people well known in the fandom. People I've seen on multiple servers. People whose names you say and it gets recognized

The eddsworld fandom has a HUGE transmisogyny problem and it needs to be discussed. The way I constantly feel unsafe when in a fandom surrounded by trans people is completely unacceptable

#I'm not a trans woman for the record. I'm genderless. but all of the transphobia ive experienced from the ew fandom #is directed from a hatred of trans women/people that dont have THEIR body or express themselves the same way THEY do #like the pronouns i asked to be called and were specifically told that people would start using them is she/her #and then they refused! #and this INCLUDES a friend of mine! #whose excuse was literally that it just didn't feel important #so yeah i dont use she/her pronouns now because i was already scared to and felt extremely vulnerable trying to do so #and every single trans person i asked to use those pronouns for me refused to. and it affirmed my fears and insecurities #and of course none of it is taken seriously when i bring it up!!! #im extremely against 'afab vs amab' bullshit but when a fandom has a huge problem of targeting a specific demographic of trans people #it needs to be addressed #also yes the slur in the url is reclaimed and no im not the original user with this url. i saw it on an old post and thought it was good #so i saved it. i dont even use this blog #eddsworld #transmisogyny #i have experienced transphobia in other fandoms and outside of them obviously #but mostly by cis people #or perhaps binary trans people that dont respect nonbinary people #and that's all been general transphobia #ONLY in the eddsworld fandom has it been targeted

[littledreamling]

I love everyone tagging their dreamling fics with ooc/ out of character because let’s be honest, every fic that has Morpheus in the same room as a healthy relationship is out of character, that man cannot maintain a relationship to save his life

#every time he opens his mouth in a dreamling fic is our of character #he’d rather die than be in a healthy relationship #because healthy relationships take effort and humility and communication and he has NONE of that #he’s sent people to hell for rejecting him #what makes you think he’d actually be able to manage a relationship with someone as stubborn as Hob?? #he literally doesn’t believe in love: ‘love belongs to desire and desire is always cruel’ #and with his track record?? I don’t blame him lmao #even if he IS the problem #but I think that’s what makes it fun #he can have a little non-canon compliant character growth as a treat #it makes my little ‘everything has to be canon compliant and historically accurate’ heart really anxious though #it’s an uncomfy feeling to type out certain dialogue lines and know that it wpuld never actually come out of his mouth #but I’m getting over it #do it for the fic #dream of the endless #morpheus #sandman netflix #the sandman #dreamling

[carfuckerlynch]

when did it become ok to charge $150 for boots made of plastic.

#odhran.txt #like i really wanna get some big stompy platforms. ideally w spikes Nd similar. but theyre all So expensive and None of them are leather #like my blundstones were about $250 but a. i wear them every singke day and theyre the most comfortable shoes in the world #b. the last pair my mom bought lasted literally 10 years #and c. theyre my school and work shoes #like on a purely cost per wear level. theyve more than paid fir themselves #theyre a little banged up but again i wear them Every Day #so yeah since i can (sometimes) afford it i have no problems spending 100+ on a pair of shoes IF I KNOW THEYLL BE WORTH IT #the last pair of boots i bought was 1 #$12. for context #but god. the idea of spending That Much money on a pair of shoes that a. im not gonna wear that often and b. ARE PLASTIC. is insane to ms #anyway. rant and verbal compulsion word salad done 👍

[dykefever]

so many youtubers with commentary channels truly have nothing interesting to say all they do is repeat some facts and go and like yeah... its really strange ! over and over again. have some backbone say something ANYTHING !!

#like there's people with thousands of views that i think oh this looks good ill check it out and they say NOTHING for half an hour #i get mainly women as suggested idk if this is a problem with men too i never click their videos but i assume probably so #but just because you can chat a bit of shit with your friends does not mean you need to have commentary vids #on youtube .. and if you're going to deep dive ... actually deep dive get interesting ... #it's an over saturated market i suppose but going on youtube is crazy cause every video #is this exploration or examining something and none of them are saying anything !!!!! but they have this dramatic title for clicks #ugh anyway this isn't that deep it's just boring #laura says some things

[ajdrawshq]

i want to say that if i were siffrin id abuse the hell out of loops to sleep SO often but. considering that they tend to spiral when left to their own devices. i understand

#the way he berates himself so harshly sometimes . man #and that was a thing even BEFORE the Smile and Optimism left #we love a protag that cant even look at their problems !! #i also wonder if them forgetting minor details (like. what a kiln is) is bc of their apparently normal memory issues or bc of the loops.... #wouldnt be surprised if they have full on amnesia with the way their backstory is so. nonexistent #i should redo the odile friendship thing bc that taps into it a lil bit and i had to run thru it bc of my dying battery #yknow. given his memory problems its surprising he can remember all of his lines for every conversation #like i would be fumbling so hard with at least half of these #im also . worried . abt whatever it is that the king is trying to imply by asking if they 'remember' #bc none of the 3 answers ive done so far rly did anything...... unless im reading too much into it. who knows #much to think about. #isat #isat spoilers #it feels so good to hyperfixate on something without worrying abt anything else again..

[redrockbutch]

The thing I hate the most about Christmas is that it has the simplest, most obvious holiday gimmick ever (give and get presents) but the Christmas Lovers™ just. Refuse to accept that this could possibly be a factor in why people who aren't children like Christmas over other holidays like sorry but you live across the street from your parents I dont believe that you literally only ever see your family But One Day A Year on Christmas, so the whole "I just love being with family uwu" schtick is so fucking transparent just say you like presents!!! Just say it!

"Oh the strange mystical unnameable magic of Christmas..."

Yeah that's presents and enforced Christianity and it's never been mystical or strange

#I have had two people in my life ask me about Christmas traditions with my family when not forced to do so by a questionnaire of some kind #every year everyone I know asks me what I got for Christmas #THE PRIORITIES ARE NOT OBFUSCATED IN ANY WAY #Cassidy.txt #I genuinely and truly would have so much less of a problem with people acting like I'm a serial killer for thinking Christmas is overrated #if they would admit that they like it mainly bc of presents #but instead I'm painted as a hater of humanity bc I think Santa Claus is fucking stupid and pointing out you could do literally every singl #'Christmas activity' whenever you want but you dont. you ignore your parents who live across the street until it's FB photo time. #so I guess there's also a kind of Christmas lover who just likes the social cache floating around this time of year #if it seems like I post about this a lot it's because everyone ignores it whenever I have brought it up interpersonally in any way :) #if you dont like Christmas you get social ostracization #FROM ADULTS? #You asked if I'm excited for Christmas and just said 'not really' and then we dont talk for three days #it's just a fucking day you could give people presents and do stuff together whenever you wanted! #put down the hallmark channel. it's just a fucking day like any other. you give everything your own meaning and I find none in it and #that takes nothing from anyone!!!! #I will say the funniest thing is hearing people describe why they like Christmas #and realizing they're just describing having time off of work #yes they're anti union they always are 🫶

[licorishh]

Most people really don't seem to understand that friendship is a two-way street.

They expect you to wait on them hand and foot as they rant about and constantly pour on you either their issues or their passions and when you finally have something you'd like to talk about you get a "Man that sucks :/" or a "Cool" in return.

Find somebody who doesn't do that. Then you'll have your best friend.

#i know i ramble sometimes and i'm extremely grateful that my best friend puts up with it :') #but see then in return i do the same for her because it would be completely unfair for me to expect her to act like a wall for me to talk a #or when i wanna show her something and i can tell she's being polite and it doesn't personally strike her fancy I MOVE ON #and she does the same for me and we have way frickin better communication and we have a frickin rad friendship #it's give and take #and also can we bring back the idea of being able to work through some things on your own? #like i am ALL FOR having a support system that can encourage you when things go wrong but some things can be solved on your own #i shouldn't be bearing the burden of figuring out your life for you you know? #i'm absolutely willing to help but if you're just going to spend all your time complaining to me and never ever take my advice #then there comes a point at which i'm literally just acting as your therapist and that's not how friendships are supposed to work #i've become kind of the designated therapist in a lot of friendships throughout my life #and it is exhausting constantly being complained at (sometimes over very minor things) #only to have that person or people COMPLETELY ignore your advice every single time you try to give it #that's not friendship my dude that's using me because you just want someone to complain to #like i said. support system good. treating your friend like an emotional punching bag to let out your problems 24/7 very very bad. #like when i was feeling completely unlike myself and irritated and frustrated for three dang years straight #i didn't really talk about it much because i knew it wasn't the kind of thing advice was going to fix #so i wasn't in the discord servers every two seconds “MAN I REALLY JUST DON'T FEEL GOOD :///” #because when other people do this to me there comes a point at which i'm like “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT” #like i've given you all the advice i have and you have taken absolutely none of it nor have you taken any action on your own #so now i'm just here to make you feel better about yourself and that's really not my job #emotional support is necessary. patting you on the head when you refuse to do anything to better your situation is not. #tl;dr people who refuse to do anything to better their situation other than complain to ME about it 24/7 drive me nuts #and it drives other people nuts so please don't do it to anyone #don't bottle up your emotions but also don't let them come crashing down and drown everyone you know #just because you can't be bothered to put ANY effort forth to contain them #emotional regulation is attractive~~~ #society today has built such a culture of “it's not YOUR fault and if you cry about it hard enough someone will fix it for you” like no sir #sometimes it IS your fault and sometimes you DO need to take responsibility #and if it is your fault then absolutely no one but you is obligated to fix it

[lupismaris]

If anyone has a spare thought/fuck to give please toss it my way I'm treading the delicate path of sorting out the possible (absolutely likely) fuck ups of a former colleague and explaining to their supervisor that they allowed said fuck ups to continue for far longer than they needed to all for the sake of not wanting to ask questions

#this project costs a million dollars easily and nonone felt like asking questions about how logistics were handled. #not until the coordinator was fired and we were left picking up the pieces. my boss is handling the budget issues as delicately as she can #and im trying to handle the fact that the postage/printing/mailing problems we've been having for literal years #might all be due to the fact that said colleague who was asked to retire just couldn't provide ample time to the mailing team #so that the funds could be allotted in escrow thus requiring us to front the cash from our budget or a printers credit. #which happened almost every other project #said colleague was 22 year tenured. they should've known how to avoid this. but now their supervisor is trained for this process #and is fighting any sense of change and claiming all the errors ans embarrassments were the result of other ppl and departments #my guy the call is coming from inside the house etc #i sent a very hefty info based email to explain everything and am now waiting for his inevitable reply where he argues it all #and i have to dig my heals in and politely explain that maybe the problem was in fact his team this time #im not looking forward to that because im at my limit with the designers and publication team and i leave for maine in three days #my fucks are becoming slim to none even though i wanted a promotion out of this

[skitskatdacat63]

My math class makes me feel like Fernando. Every quiz day, I go in with the unwavering confidence of a blindfolded man running into traffic(I've only glanced at the material), and every time I receive the quiz paper, I look at it like I've never seen the content in my entire life, and bomb every single quiz. I cannot keep taking this L every week 😭

#I HATE GEN EDS WHY DO I HAVE TO TAKE A CLASS THAT HAS NOTJING TO DO WITH MY MAJOR #AND IM SO TRASH AT IT THAT ITS GONNA FUCK UP MY GPA #my friend whos good at math is like: why dont you just study for it properly????? #cause i dont wanna??? is that too hard to comprehend 🙄 #but every the cycle repeats #i walk in. the confidence of an f1 driver in an aston martin. i suddenly have never done a math problem in my entire life #the funniest part is that its literally basic Algebra but none of it sticks in my brain at all #catie.rambling.txt