a constant struggle
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Wylan: I just want to hear those three little words.
Jesper: I love you.
Wylan: That's sweet, but try again.
Jesper: I will behave.
Wylan: There we go.
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Morning Doodle: Young Nina Zenik getting into trouble.
Headcanon! The Six of Crows and King of Scars duologies suggest Zoya and Nikolai know Nina well, so I can only guess at what situations got her pulled into their presence constantly.
For reference: Nina is roughly 4-6 years younger than Zoya according to the Grishaverse Wiki. Up for debate.
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i made these at 1am don’t ask why i don’t know
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Just read the first book of six of crows! I love Inej this was such a powerful moment
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In celebration of three months of Shadow & Bone:
The moment I fell completely in love with Nina and told everyone I know that they had to watch
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thinking of how nikolai’s first reaction was “all saints, say it again” when zoya told him she loved him 🥺
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Zoya: Did it hurt?
Nikolai, smirking: When I fell from heaven?
Zoya: No when you fell out of the plane
Zoya: We all saw it
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Frigid No More (Kaz Brekker)
Word Count: 1.5k
Summary: Kaz realizes his true feelings for the reader after a talk with Inej and Jesper
A/N: this is for @pregnant-piggy 2k writing challenge! Prompt is in bold. No warnings, just fluff! Gender neutral reader pronouns. Open ending, let me know if you want a second part!! My requests are open!!
Being a member of the Crows meant working hard and being good at your job. Everyone had a specialty, and every heist relied on the team’s ability to work together.
If you asked Jesper, he would say that your special skill was bothering Kaz. The reserved man was often left unamused at your boisterous and outgoing personality, and you played oblivious to his exasperation.
Your friendship with Kaz was unconventional, but that didn’t mean there was an absence of love between the two of you. Kaz trusted you more than anyone else he knew – more than Inej and Jesper, who had proved their capabilities time and time again. He looked to you in times of need, knowing that your altruism was something truly extraordinary, and that few were as thoughtful as you.
In the silence of an empty room, you would tidy up after a meeting with the Crows. You would buy bouquets for Inej and Nina for no other reason than to see them smile. You kept track of Kaz’s cane and gloves when he discarded them after a long day, returning them to his office where he could be found working through the night.
Your benevolence was often hidden behind playful antics, however. The cat-and-dog relationship between yourself and Kaz had formed early on, and you knew that everyone enjoyed your clashing personalities – Kaz included. The short bouts of bickering between the two of you acted as entertainment for the other crows; they were aware of your feelings for each other well before the two of you were.
It wasn’t unusual for you to gravitate towards the cunning man. You seemed to seek him out, if only to bask in his presence. He noticed your constant companionship and seemed to anticipate it when you weren’t near. He insisted that the seat next to his was left empty if you were away, expecting you to arrive at any moment; if your shadow didn’t stride next to his, none did.
If you asked Inej what your specialty was, she would say that it was having a sixth sense for knowing when Kaz was busy. That was how you had found him this morning. Kaz was sitting across a small wooden table from Inej and Jesper, a slew of maps and floor plans spread across the dark tabletop. You found your place in the empty chair next to Kaz, his words continuing without pause as you stole the paper that he held in his gloved hands.
“What are we after this time?” your voice clashed with Kaz’s, interrupting his speech as Jesper tittered across from you.
Kaz plucked the paper back, seemingly vexed at your disturbance. “We are not going anywhere. I’m taking Jesper and Inej on a small heist while the rest of you stay here. There’s too many of us to go together, it would only draw unnecessary attention.”
You nodded in thought, eyes scanning the table for a hint of their plan. You grumbled under your breath about never being picked for the fun heists before Kaz spoke again.
“Now, we have work to do. You can only stay if you can be quiet.”
You dramatically pressed your lips into a thin line and dropped your hands into your lap, offering a silent surrender. Kaz glanced wearily at you before continuing to explain his plan to the other crows. An occasional interjection was thrown out as the three worked out the kinks in their plan, Kaz scribbling each feasible idea onto the corner of a page.
The hours ticked by slowly, your attentiveness dwindling with the passing time. Maybe it would’ve been better to abandon your endeavors, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave your current company.
You enjoyed being near Kaz, opting to spend every free moment occupied with him. He did the same, really. Even if he didn’t show it outwardly, Kaz wanted nothing more than to be near you – to hear your laugh, to shake his head at your escapades, a smile threatening to peak out behind his show of irritation.
“I had a reason to come looking for you earlier, you know.”
Kaz turned his attention to you for only a moment before his eyes returned to the freehand map that Jesper was scrawling on an empty page. “What was it that you needed, y/n?”
You rolled your eyes at his lack of attentiveness. “Oh, nothing important. Just your attention and your company.”
“Well, it looks like you’ll have to find someone else to amuse you right now.”
After another moment of listening to Kaz’s stern voice, you fell back into your state of restlessness. Fidgeting in your seat, you racked your brain for a way to quickly get Kaz’s attention, if only for a moment before he returned to his work. An idea popped into your head, and you moved into action, your lips pulled into a mischievous grin.
Your fingers twisted around the sleek, black hardwood of Kaz’s cane, effectively pulling the item from its place beside his chair. He turned to look at you, his brow arched in question as you laid the cane against your legs, the metal crow glimmering as you turned it in your hands.
“And what, exactly, do you think you’re doing?”
You caught a hint of humor in his voice as he tried to maintain his steadfast demeanor. “Well, it seems as if this is the only crow I’ll get any attention from today,” you quipped, twisting the cane and pointing the top in his direction.
He scoffed, ignoring your statement and returning his attention to his colleagues with a small shake of his head. You sighed and slumped back into your chair, annoyed with Kaz’s lack of a response. Your focus quickly shifted onto Nina who had entered the room just as Kaz had resumed his monologue of his detailed plan with the other crows at the table.
You silently slipped out of your seat, abandoning Kaz’s cane again the leg of your chair in hopes of spending some time with the grisha. Sensing your movement, Kaz flicked his attention towards your retreating figure. He watched as you beamed at the brunette, speaking animatedly with her. Your chatter eventually faded as you led Nina out of the Crow Club and into the street outside.
Kaz’s gaze lingered on the doorway for a moment after you had left, a foreign pang of longing building in his gut. He could still hear your laughter as if your warmth had never left his side. As if it was second nature, Kaz seemed to feel the sudden emptiness in the room, the void that you had created with your swift departure.
Jesper had known Kaz long enough to read his subtle expressions. The two second stare at the door was more thought than he gave to most, and the flash of perplexity across his features was a sure sign that Kaz was not being honest with himself about his opinion of you.
“You alright there, Kaz?” Jesper’s voice brought Kaz back to his surroundings.
He stared at the two across from him as they sported matching cryptic looks.
“Of course, I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Jesper shrugged animatedly, a small grin etched into his features. “You just seemed distracted for a moment, that’s all.”
“I was only making sure that y/n was leaving. Maybe now we can get some work done.”
Inej shook her head, “I don’t think that’s why you were watching y/n. I think that you were waiting for them to join us again.”
Kaz jutted his chin out, pondering her words as if in a quandary. “Maybe I was waiting for them to join us again, but only because I can’t remember the last time that they weren’t around.”
“And you’re sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re in love with them?”
Kaz’s eyed widened, his fingers smoothing unconsciously over the paper in front of him. He stumbled over his words in an attempt to answer Inej with any amount of surety in his voice. “Are you serious? You know how I feel about y/n.”
Jesper answered in Inej’s place, “we know how you feel about y/n. But do you?”
Kaz opened his mouth in response, but Jesper continued. “Just listen for a moment, will you? You miss them when they’re away, you talk about them constantly, and you refuse to let anybody take their place beside you. What does that sound like?”
Kaz’s brows crinkled in thought. The facts all pointed to the truth that Kaz had known deep down. There was nothing that he wouldn’t do for you, nothing that he wouldn’t sacrifice to see you happy. There was a thin line between love and hate, and Kaz knew that he had dove over the edge a long time ago.
The pieces of the puzzle fit together too well to be wrong. You were good for each other, and Kaz knew it; you pulled him into the unknown – the pleasant, sublime, wonderful secrets in life – while he kept you grounded and secure.
Kaz glanced at the door again before turning his focus onto your empty chair, almost as if in silent argument with himself. Finally, he grabbed his cane from its place against your chair, pulling it towards himself and running his fingers over the metal crow as you had done moments ago.
“It sounds like I should go find y/n.”
Tag list: @im-constantly-fangirling @mjoubertt-1 @itsmentalillness @florqlness @ohnoitsmekc @616films @alohastitch0626 @eeniemeenienini @mydelicategirl2000 @mrs-brekker15 @statsvitenskap @dreamcxtcherr
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why the Six of Crows duology is good
a list for people who have not read it, by someone who adores it
canon disabled characters. yes, that's right. characters. more than one.
a fat main character, known for her flirtatious nature and beauty, and never brought down because of it!
chronic pain rep!
seriously!! two disabled main characters!
an ADHD main character
good rep of trauma (of all sorts) and its effects
and also PTSD
(one of the two characters has dyslexia. the other has a break that never healed and uses a cane!)
G A Y
literal found family.
make that found CRIME family!!
interracial relationships (two!!!)
really, really good character development!
death to the "I can fix him" trope
heists. so many good heists.
*TWO* DISABLED MAIN CHARACTERS, GUYS
the six main characters are all incredibly likable in their own ways
In conclusion: there is something for everyone in this duology. Please read it!
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Do you constantly think about your otp or are you normal?
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I think there’s a chance I might never be over the way Zoya admits she loves Nikolai. It’s so Zoya, practical and pragmatic, but it manages to be intensely romantic all at the same time.
It also shows how deeply she understands and values Nikolai, and I just can’t get enough of it.
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Went to start writing fanfic and needed to look something up in the books and somehow spent four hours gathering every single quote centering around stars in the trilogy to analyze them. I hate everything.
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Genya: Don't be a bitter bitch, be a better bitch
Zoya: I am perfectly capable of multitasking, thank you
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'I can read to him' but make it soft and fluff 💕
What is he reading? Bedtime stories? A horror novel? An advanced chemistry book?
Instagram | Ko-fi | Redbubble | Twitter
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a couple years before six crows ruled hogwarts, there was a different group that ruled the school, a group of friends arguably even more unlikely:
attention had always followed ravenclaw nikolai lantsov, who was considered pureblood royalty. students, magical creatures, and professors alike fell in love with his charming smile as soon as he began at hogwarts his first year. nikolai had eyes on him at all times, especially during meals, where he would show off his newest creation from muggle items.
said muggle items came from his fellow ravenclaw and closest friend, muggle-born david kostyk. david had been the quietest student in school before nikolai had come across his electric toothbrush in the common room and approached him with a hundred questions. once david saw that nikolai was truly interested, he ended up teaching nikolai all about his muggle items and the way they worked. (nikolai had a particular affinity for david’s pencil sharpener, portable fan, and his favorite: post-its).
in his second year, nikolai introduced david to gryffindor genya safin. the popular redhead was too busy watching the boy with glasses and dark hair from across the great hall to notice nikolai amusedly observing her right back. genya watched for weeks until she saw the quiet boy try not to smile when his paper airplane landed in professor snape’s potatoes. she fell in love, hard. the next time david’s airplane drifted over to the gryffindor table, she returned it herself, letting the lantsov boy introduce her to him in the process. and then the rest was history.
and sure, nikolai liked to play matchmaker, but he liked genya’s best friend more. zoya nazyalensky was a stunning slytherin infamous for her wizarding skills, though rumor had it she didn’t need a wand to take down a man. she let nikolai flirt like she did all of her suitors, but at the end of the day, it was sometimes just him and zoya at the top of the astronomy tower, pretending that the way they both loved the stars was the only thing they had in common.
his fourth year, nikolai befriended a witch named alina starkov in the year below him. alina and her boyfriend, mal oretsev, were both hufflepuffs known for running defense against the dark arts practices in the room of requirement together for their peers in need. a popular rumor said that it had something to do with the disappearance of professor kirigan the previous year, who had turned out to be an undercover death eater. nikolai was one of the few people who knew that kirigan had tried to seduce alina, the brightest wizard of her year, and that mal had almost been the one to kill him.
his fifth year, nikolai met tolya yul-bataar and tamar kir-bataar, twins who were the gryffindor quidditch team’s unstoppable beaters. he and david had willingly helped tamar fix her broken broom after she took a nasty hit from the ravenclaw seeker in an accidental collision during a nail-bitingly close match. they ended up spending hours with the twins as they not only put tamar’s broom back together, but also updated both tolya and tamar’s brooms so that they flew better in the snow. it was an understatement that nikolai and david were very unwelcome at the first ravenclaw v. gryffindor quidditch match of the winter, where they quietly cheered for the twins as well as ravenclaw.
it was in his sixth year at hogwarts that nikolai’s true lineage was revealed and his status of pureblood royalty plummeted as students whispered and stared over the daily prophet during breakfast. he just smiled appreciatively as genya and zoya glared straight back at the students that sent him dirty looks while alina and mal charmed the room of requirement shut for anyone who spoke badly about nikolai’s family. david, as ever, was uncaring and unchanging. nikolai doubted he had ever even recognized nikolai’s last name in the years they’d been friends. and the twins, always double the loyalty of one gryffindor together, both wore blue for a solid week after the news came out. nikolai could care less.
he wondered why it mattered so much about his messy family when he had a better one right at hogwarts.
always so much fun to write these!! comment below anything you’d like to read next 🤍 and make sure to check out the six of crows version here!
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out of all of the characters in the grishaverse nikolai by far is the hardest to cast. the bitch is a sexy god but still has a personality and humor and so much charisma, and that’s hard to achieve for any actor. basically if he’s not cast well i think i’ll probably cry and die in a hole somewhere. thanks for listening to my ted talk
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What I Would Change About the Ruin and Rising Ending
So this is separate from what I actually think would have been best for the story, in that Aleksander is the third amplifier and Alina is a tracker. Baghra never has her ridiculous plot twist info dump and Alina is actually allowed more agency and the ability to take initiative and the Darkling is actually written consistently from the start.
Here’s what I think should have happened in the ending if all the events leading up to it were the exact same:
Alina kills Mal and with the power of the three amplifiers kills the Darkling. As punishment for using all three amplifiers, she and the Darkling both lose the power of Merzost. This power is then used to fulfill Morozova’s aching loneliness, creating hundreds of shadow and sun summoners all across the world. The Darkling comes back to life through the loss of Merzost, and Mal comes back to life through the loss of his tracking abilities and status as an amplifier.
This ending feels not only more consistent with the themes LB tries to convey throughout the books, but it also aligns more with character arcs, established lore, and the parts of the plot that actually made sense.
The Darkling was punished for using Merzost by the Fold’s creation, which was a place where his powers were rendered useless (although the fact that he still has much power over the fold feels contradictory to this fact). He still retained the ability to use it, however, the result of only using some of the Merzost’s power. Alina was punished much more severely for not only using Merzost but also taking all three amplifiers. Therefore she is stripped of that power entirely. The Darkling, who she killed with the power and who has also lusted for power, is stripped of it as well.
Not only that, but the presence of hundreds of people like them now ensures they do not have more power than everybody else. It strips Alina and the Darkling of power without robbing them of a very important piece of their identity that should be impossible to take. By making it so that they now have hundreds of equals, that they have people to match them, challenge them, stop them. That they can no longer take more power, that they can no longer use their powers over those less powerful than them, that their greed does not destroy those around them. It makes them essentially powerless (consistent with the theme of punishment in regards to the Merzost), without removing their status as members of a persecuted and oppressed minority.
This remains consistent with Alina’s character arc as well. Her growth as a character, coming into her abilities and learning to accept every part of herself, instead of denying an essential piece of her identity because she’s trapped by the past and her prejudices and her fear of moving forward - because she’s also trapped by her low self esteem and her loneliness and her fear. By allowing her to remain as a Grisha, her developmental arc - of learning self esteem and self acceptance, of learning to love every part of herself and to not deny those parts of herself for others or because of her worries, of finding a community, growing into a woman outside of one person, learning to connect with others and love others and love herself and love her powers - isn’t regressed in any way. It isn’t negated.
There still remains a punishment for the Merzost and for her hunger for power. There still remains a way to acknowledge the thematic ties between loneliness and Grisha - especially Morozova’s loneliness and therefore Aleksander’s. There still remains the culmination of three books worth of seeking out amplifiers - a satisfying result of all her effort and her traumas; the powers she sought out to defeat the Darkling actually used to defeat him. There still remains the acknowledgement of Alina’s growth and change. She isn’t robbed of a valuable piece of her identity and her path of self fulfillment and self acceptance.
I won’t get into this much now, but I also think Alina’s reluctance to accept herself as Grisha, hurting herself to remain untested and weakening herself by denying that crucial part of her, is the result of centuries of the oppression and persecution of the Grisha as a people. It isn’t just her own fears, but also the way the world has forced Grisha to integrate into society. How the Grisha’s oppressors have treated them, not allowed them to truly develop or grow or gain power. The way they’re viewed by society and the prejudices against them as a whole that stifles their ability to truly connect or form a healthy community.
That part of Alina’s culture and birthright was denied her by her oppressors. She lived amongst these people for years and grew up with their customs, and when she finally discovered the part of herself that made her Grisha, she was introduced to her people. Her community that the world, through endless hunting of the Grisha and stripping them of agency, using them and othering them and ostracizing them from society, refused the ability to truly connect. She was allowed to finally realize herself and who she was born to be.
Her stay at the Little Palace was distressing in a lot of ways, but I’m not talking about just the Little Palace, I’m talking about her journey throughout the books as a whole, as she learns about the people and community she belongs to. As she grows to love it and accept it and take pride in it. Her culture and her people - the Grisha.
So when people say Alina losing her powers is good because she doesn’t want to be a part of the Grisha (even though she grows to love being Grisha, not wanting to was only in the beginning), and that she’s happier as an otkazat’sya because she grew up with them (the people who have oppressed her kind and smothered her powers), and that Grisha culture isn’t hers, I want to scream. The reason it wasn’t hers was because she was held back from it. Because Grisha oppression has become systematic and ingrained within society. Because prejudice against the Grisha runs deep.
To say that it's good that she’s stripped of what makes her Grisha because she was raised otkazat’sya? When if the Grisha were free she never would have been in the first place? To refuse to acknowledge the harm done to her people and therefore her, in creating a world so against Grisha that she was never given the chance to be raised in her own community? Amongst her own people? Who would understand her and would never have let her get sick by refusing to use her powers and who would have helped her because they know what it’s like to be Grisha - because they are Grisha.
That’s fucking bullshit.
Alina doesn’t hate her powers. Her powers don’t cause her pain. It’s others and the world that hurts her because of them. And this is an important distinction. Alina losing her powers isn’t a healthy message. That others hurting you for how you were born means that the only way to remain safe is to strip away the part that makes you different. That Alina returning to the people she was forced to assimilate with and that raised her to deny a massive part of her identity is a healthy thing-
That’s not a message that should ever be given. Which is why Alina should have kept her powers as the sun summoner, even if she loses the amplifiers.
And the burden of being the only sun summoner is lessened with the spread of her powers as well. People claim that Alina losing her powers was good for her because the world burdened her too much because of them, but that’s an issue easily solved by the splitting of her powers. She now isn’t the only one with a weight to carry because of the way she was born, and in fact she no longer has to carry it at all.
Additionally, Morozova’s amplifiers and the Merzost itself, which he created, being used to fulfill the loneliness he felt in the world and that all Grisha feel - that Aleksander especially suffered under (and which he suffered under in part due to Morozova), is a much more poetic and thematically consistent way to maintain equilibrium and fill the void of loneliness in the world than robbing Alina of her powers to do so. Which is just pointless and random and doesn’t align reasonably with any of the narrative elements. Morozova himself doing so through his amplifiers and the Merzost makes it a state of healing and even redemption. It ties his story and his character together with the plot and established themes.
It also keeps with the theme of balance. In that the Merzost is now gone and the amplifiers are now gone - abilities deemed to be unnatural and against the balance - and instead both of their powers are spread across the land. Not just Alina’s. Which was an unbalance and not in keeping with the themes established throughout the books. With both powers not only split but also split amongst many, real balance returns to the world.
I also think that both Mal and the Darkling coming back makes the ending more in line with the plot and all of the character’s arcs, and also more intriguing as a whole. Alina now has the opportunity to navigate her relationship with the both of them on new, uncertain ground.
I think this would be a unique start to a Darklina relationship in particular, as the Darkling now has many equals that are not Alina. So what would make him stay? A fun premise to explore in regards to both characters and their motivations.
On the other hand, Malina has to continue to grow with Alina still living as a Grisha sun-summoner, but now the pressure isn’t all on her. She’s free of the burden she was forced into, but not free of the powers which she came to love. She also hasn’t been stripped of her identity within a group of persecuted and marginalized people that she came to connect with.
Alina and Mal could very well live out their lives in peace. Or they could take a different path, with so many new avenues open before them. This could provide the opportunity for an even more complex future if the Darkling still remains involved with Alina (with them) even peripherally. Like if they still had dealings with him in some way, even if there isn’t anything romantic going on between him and Alina.
All in all, I just think it would be a better ending for all three of them in a variety of ways, and it also creates so many opportunities for different paths to be taken. It’s more consistent with the themes LB attempted to convey, the plot and character arcs as a whole, and the established lore.
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BOYS CAN STILL CRY
Alexander Morozova x reader
Description: You and Aleksander disagree over something he says in attempt to comfort your young son.
WARNINGS: Stereotypical gender assumption, cursing, Aleksander himself lets be honest.
note: This is a request for @hannahgoldfish , I will do Darkling requests but will not write them without, as long story short I am not the biggest fan.
SET BEFORE SHADOW AND BONE.
word count is 586 sorry it’s a short one oof.
You smiled as you watched your toddler run around the little palace grounds, Archie had just turned two and seemed to be finding everything way more exciting than all of the other children you had met, he would spend the whole day outside if he could, and although he couldn't even begin to reach a branch, he had already started on his failed attempt at climbing trees.
He stopped by the lake, staring down into the water, and Aleksander squeezed your hand from your spot under the tree in the shade. It was a hot day, and you weren't quite sure how your child wasn't boiling.
"Maybe he's a tide maker."
You rolled your eyes at your husband's comment, "just because he takes an interest in the fish and the ducks doesn't mean he can control water."
"He can do something though."
Your husband was relentless, looking for your son's power every second of the day, it was true he was grisha. The man was an amplifier and could apparently sense it in your little boy, but he was too young for the both of you to understand just what type of grisha he was.
You resorted to nodding absentmindedly, "definitely something."
That's when it happened, you watched as the toddler turned to run towards you both, tripped over seemingly nothing, (probably his own two feet, he had gained that clumsiness from you), and fell to the ground.
You released a sigh.
Archie screamed, calling for the both of you as he wailed at the top of his lungs, and by Saints he had a set on him, everyone seemed to turn around to pity the toddler, or you, it was hard to tell, but seemed to keep their distance at the sight of your husband rushing towards him by your side.
You quietly shushed the boy, he had Aleksander's dark hair and Y/E/C eyes, a mix of the both of you, light and dark people would joke, saying Archie had your heart and your husbands face.
"Shhh, it's okay sweetheart, it's okay, let it out."
You cuddled him in your arms, taking in his small frame, but he wouldn't stop crying. He eventually wiggled out of your comforting grip and looked up at Aleksander.
"Dada!" He demanded between cries.
You gave your husband a look, and he frowned, reluctantly bending down on one knee to comfort his son. "Archie." His voice held the authority of a leader, and it caused you to grimace ever so slightly. "You are a powerful boy, a grisha, my grisha, and you have a very strong life ahead of you." He paused, sending him a smile. "Boys like that, Morozova men, don't cry. Do you understand?"
Your little boy continued, Aleksander scowled, disappointed, and you hit his arm.
Several times, if you were honest, with your baseball cap.
"That's bullshit Aleks!"
He scowled further, an angry whisper. "Language!"
You scowled right back, a picture of fearsome anger. You smirked at him taking a small but noticeable step back. "Boys can cry. Aleksander. And that is okay, I will not have our son growing up thinking he can not cry. He is allowed to be vulnerable. He is allowed to be whoever he wants."
You looked at your little boy, who was now quietly tearing up on the floor beside you, you messed with his hair before putting a hand to your husband's cheek, "and so are you, and you should not be ashamed to show weakness."
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Nina: If you got arrested what would the charges be?
Jesper: Disturbing the peace.
Matthias: Aggravated assault.
Kaz: All of the above. In that order, probably.
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