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violet-end · 15 hours ago
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shadow and bone: we’re all someone’s monster
when i was drafted, my sergeant schooled us about grisha. he said we would win this war because one of them was worth fifty of us. then the revolver pistol came in from the west, and i was told a grisha was worth two dozen soldiers. when i lost half my company to the fjerdans with a repeating rifle, and one in ten of our casualties was grisha, they said it was an acceptable ratio. how long before they are just as useless as the rest of us?
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billyblackbirdrusso · 20 hours ago
Why couldn’t Sasha go back to Os Alta after the whole skiff incident? He and Ivan are the only other ones to what happened since Alina and Mal ran away.
Couldn’t Sasha find a way to make the Tsar not mad about him expanding the fold without permission? Appeal to the Tsar’s ego/pride by mentioning how Zhaltan thought he could do whatever he wanted so Sasha showed him he couldn’t all in the name of the Tsar?
Wouldn’t it be more believable that a girl new to power betrayed them than the General who’s been fighting the war for Ravka for years?
I’m sure someone has an answer that I’m not seeing so if you do please share!
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carranam-parabatai · 23 hours ago
Wylan: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Matthias: >:0 language
Jesper: yeah watch your fucking language
Kaz: ‘The fuck word’
Inej: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Jesper: Oh my god she censored it
Nina: Say fuck, Inej
Jesper: Do it, Inej, say fuck
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grishaverseshitposts · 11 hours ago
Inej: Now, what have we learnt from this experience?
Kaz and Jesper: "Due tomorrow" means "do tomorrow"
Inej: NO
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saintsprotecttheghoul · 20 hours ago
Kaz Brekker has the deep wrath of god but also the temper of a wet cat and I think that’s what makes him such a good character.
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emotionallydevestated · 18 hours ago
kaz: you accidentally hit one pedestrian and they take away ur license, injustice
inej: kaz you hit at least 5 people
jesper: on purpose
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lunaathorne · 21 hours ago
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female awesome meme: [3/10] characters who deserved better → Genya Safin
"Luminous Genya, with her alabaster skin and graceful hands. Resilient Genya who had endured countless indignities and insults, but had always held her lovely chin high. Foolish Genya, who had tried to be my friend, who had dared to show me mercy."
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kazs-new-hat · 18 hours ago
the crows: encounter the slightest inconvenience
"let's handle this like responsible barrel bosses."
"uno tournament?"
"uno tournament."
"alright have we decided who's doing the job?" "uno--loser goes in alone." "ok deal- wait, alone?"
kaz probably lost his temper at some point and secretly snuck out the deck and ripped all the reverse cards cards into shreds. jokes on him, he would've won the next game if he had had a reverse card.
i'd imagine it gets very loud. if they're playing at the crows club everyone probably drops their own tables to see why the bastard if the barrel just yelled "PICK UP TWELVE YOU SON OF A MONKEY"
they probably make up stupid rules on blank cards and slip them in there too like "if you're wearing mismatching socks pick up 14." inej banned that from happening after "if you name inanimate objects pick up 25"
matthias doesn't talk at all whenever he's playing and it's the scariest thing ever because "what are you planning..." and he's just poker face all the time. he has pretty much no idea what he's doing and doesn't understand the point of the game, he just plays because he somehow keeps winning and he does not wanna get stuck washing the dishes after a birthday feast or something
nina: MATTHIAS THIS ISN'T POKER SMILE OR SOMETHING- oh saints never mind do not smile
wylan gets all 😁🖕when a skip card is played against him,,, probably has a habit of saying the cards he has out loud when trying to figure out what to do next
jesper is horrible at uno. i don't think he even fully remembers the rules, so even if he has the perfect arsenal of cards he probably won't get that far because he's just focused on making sure the person after him picks up more cards than he does. "it's a process of elimination." which is weird because he's the instigator of the games about 80% of the time
kaz probably gets addicted to it and desperately finds someone to play with because it is the best game to ever be made. " let's. play. one. round. please." "kaz it's like 2 am." he's probably planning to add it as a game in the crow club or something
nina cheats like there's no tomorrow. the true victory is whenever she wins against kaz brekker, because the two of them just cheat left and right
inej terrifying pt.2 nobody knows what she's thinking, and everybody's to scared to try and guess. when she loses everybody's sleeping with their eyes open. i also like to think she doesn't really care who wins or loses, she just plays for the fun of it unlike literally everybody else
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gemma-collins-ily · 9 hours ago
Watching the clouds/stargazing and planning out your future with Jesper (BECAUSE IM SOFT)
Stargazing With Jesper
a/n - I've been writing this over DAYS and I still think it strays from the actual request and is very short but hope you enjoy anyway xoxo 💞♥️
Warnings: fear of heights, mentions of food, I don't know what else
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it starts with a sleepless night
you can't quite grasp sleep no matter how tired you are, no matter how desperately you try to chase it
your tossing and turning wakes Jesper, a muffled groan heard as you stiffen, hoping you haven't woken him
of course, because bestie is apparently supernatural now, he somehow senses you need him
so, he heaves himself upright in bed, threads a hand through his hair and looks over to see you wincing at how he'd woken
probably thought you were hurt and trying to hide it from the previous day and is almost shouting for Nina before you whisper to him to just. shut. up. please.
he's still a bit confused on what's wrong until you tell him and he looks comical as he has a little lightbulb moment
"Oh my Saints, I'm such a genius!"
"Mind telling me your bright idea?"
"I'm sure you'll want to hear it, but it's actually a surprise, so..."
Jesper sounds suspiciously impressed with himself, and for a moment you wonder if he'd somehow managed to engineer the entire thing: get you to be awake and alert through some sort of hypnotic undertones in his speech or if he'd purposefully slipped small persuasive words to your subconscious throughout the day.
"Alright, let's go then, shall we, my fine partner?"
And suddenly, you don't think anything of Jesper except of how wonderful he is, dragging himself from his slumber for you, to take you somewhere to make up for your sleepless night.
anyways, you follow him to the roof, where he finally removes his hand from your eyes
you could tell where you were going anyway but shhh no you couldn't
"Should probably let you see now. Bit risky not to if I'm honest."
"Jes, why are we on the roof?"
He doesn't say anything until he suddenly extends a hand out to you, signalling you must wait while he clambers back to his room.
he reappears with a blanket and drapes it over your shoulders like a cape
then, he pulls you down to sit beside him and begins to point out star patterns
you'll always make up your own and Jesper will always butcher the names of the actual constellations
aww what a match
"That's obviously Onion. Heard about that one, have you? Why are you laughing, love?"
"Nothing, nothing. You see that one over there," you guide his hand over to point at the swirl in the sky, "that's the North Star."
you are, in fact, pointing to the west
in other words, nowhere near the North Star
both of you know it, but from then it becomes one of those cheesy couple things
if he's on an overnight heist or has to go somewhere for some reason without you, he'll glance at that star
the same happens when you're away
it is a little hard to find sometimes but it's your elected star and you've both stubbornly decided to stick with it
from then, you'll sit together once every Friday, your own little Barrel version of a romantic date
however, if it rains you'll tolerate it and cuddle closer under the blanket together until it becomes a downpour
then, you'll rush inside and wring out your sodden hair, instead settling for a more sedate night of board games
some of them aren't two player though, so the both of you end up being multiple people, Jesper making you laugh with a funny accent
normally though, you're just camped outside, come rain or shine
if you've had a terrible day, his arm will wrap over your shoulders and come to rub your arm with small, comforting circles
or if you're cold, you best believe he has two solutions
it's always either,
"Welp, 's getting a little cold out, I guess we'll have to huddle for warmth."
"Oh my Saints, you look freezing! Here have this blanket and this one... And this-"
with option one, you certainly don't mind and immediately shuffle closer
option two is just as preferable in the end, because after you're under your mini blanket mountain, Jesper will take full advantage of the excuse of the cold
"My, my, I just don't know whatever to do, my love, it's so chilly!"
Jesper stretches the word out, the last syllable dragged into what seems to be oblivion as he makes exaggerated hand movements, gesturing to the puffs of air escaping from his lips and spiralling into the night sky.
You're only too happy to oblige his unspoken request, pulling him closer to you, feeling a new kind of warmth grasp your heart, making the night air more humid, your heart far less heavy from the day's struggles.
It's always like that with Jesper, and you remind him as often as possible how much he means to you.
Jesper will joke about falling off the roof, pretending to wobble and stretch his arms out for balance
if you get too scared and apprehensive about this though, he'll soon stop, instead clicking his heels together to show just how okay he is
if you don't like heights, don't stress, Jesper will give you a piggyback
yes, a piggyback
he wants you to feel safe, that was the whole point of the original endeavour, so he will gladly motion for you to climb on
he won't ever pretend to drop you because he understands it could be a horrible feeling
(he also secretly wants to absolutely ensure your safety and doesn't want a little prank to go wrong)
he'll tap little drumbeat patterns on the slate roof tiles, sometimes drumming his fingers on your shoulder if his arm is around you
that nicely transitions us into the next part
*pulls up PowerPoint*
the letter guessing game is popular between the two of you
you know when you draw a letter on someone's back and they have to guess it
if you're ticklish though, he'll have an arm strategically placed around your waist (as long as you don't mind because ugh of course he respects boundaries, he's perfect) so you don't fall if you subconsciously try to escape the tickling
awww what a sweetheart, trying to ensure your safety in everything he does
if it's another sleepless night, he'll keep randomly pointing out stars to keep you away from frustration (because of the lack of sleep)
and his head will lean against yours as he lets you rest when you finally fall into a slumber
you have fallen asleep like this several times, actually, waking up to pigeons squawking and sometimes, Kaz yelling at you because he can see your shoes hanging just before his window
Kaz is very worried for his window panes
what if they get dirty from your shoes? what would he do?
but, the Bastard of the Barrel conveniently doesn't glance out of his window once while he works through the night
hmmm, conveniently *cough* he's pardoning you for the great crime of sitting on the roof *cough*
although, you best believe if a single smudge smears over his windowpane, you will be cleaning it
it usually ends worse than it began, Jesper flinging water at you and you at him
"They're hopeless. All these years in the Barrel, and something's finally broken me. Them. Absolutely hopeless."
Despite his words, Inej observes a glint of amusement in Kaz's eyes, just shimmering for a moment before disappearing as he stomps outside to yell at you, probably to pick up the pace.
even if you have to clean windows, you don't really mind
so long as you're with him
his favourite constellation is probably the saucepan one, and sometimes snacks are brought because you both know Jesper will get hungry just thinking of any sort of food
after a while, Jesper will start jokingly calling you, 'my star'
but eventually, again, this becomes an actual nickname he says often
he says it's because you shine just as bright as your star, the one that's totally the North Star
then, on a more serious note, he'll say,
"Not matter if there's cloud hiding you from the world, you are there, and trying to shine through. That's all that really matters, darling."
when he saves up enough money, he gifts you a telescope for your birthday or a holiday you celebrate
when you get round to using it, you'll gasp and usher him over to see
after that, even on the nights it is raining to heavily to go outside, the alternative is just as fantastic
Jesper being with you is a main reason for that
basically, star gazing with Jesper is amazing and I highly recommend it
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that-gay-grisha · 4 hours ago
Matthias: What are you WeARing???
Nina: Oh pardon me Mr. Modesty, I'll change if it bothers you so much.
Matthias: *strangled voice* I never said it bothered me
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jordiethepoolfloatie · 16 hours ago
headcanon that Nina and Inej listen to true crime podcasts together and mock the killers like
“bullet to the head? can’t you be just a bit more creative?”
“come on at least wear gloves, idiot”
“a van? who even does that??”
“she did what? that’s what i call mommy issues”
“at least he had a dad-“
“serial killers are so dramatic”
“bro you did not just say that and expected the police to believe you”
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