#netflix shadow and bone
Jesper, gazing lovingly at Wylan: He could kill me and I'd thank him.
Kaz, who's heard this for the 10,000th time: I'd thank him too.
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SHADOW AND BONE (2021) S01E02 / S01E05 / S01E07
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Genya: Moi soverenyi? I dare you to kiss the one you want the most.
The Darkling: Alina?
The Darkling: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Nikolai.
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Sankta Alina ☀️
@im-someone-i-guess @naz-yalensky @alonlyfangirl @saltyfortunes @neilperryisalive @queen-born-out-of-fire @queenlilith43 @confused-as-all-hell @cressjacquine @blackpheonix @blackasmysoul @all-fandoms-are-life @wafflesandschemingfaces
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Alina, sarcastically: Are you going to help me or are you too pretty?
Zoya: I'm too pretty.
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Could you write some Katz Brekker headcanons with she/her pronouns where hes in love with the reader who is a Crow and she has to leave Ketterdam for a few weeks so it’s his general feelings while she’s away/when she comes back? Thank you in advance!
Missing you, Kaz Brekker
Headcanons, female s/o
Tw: Idk? Pining? Hidden feelings? Kaz being an idiot?
- Ooohh this boy gets so stressed. The first heist they do without you leaves him so confused. He had this whole plan worked out and he explains it thoroughly with his Crows and halfway, Jesper just casually mentions; “you know y/n isn’t here right now, right?”
- Whole plan ruined. He has to start again. Of course, Nina noticed this the second your name is mentioned. His heart leaps and then drops at such a rapid rate, it leaves her scared for a moment.
- He noticed your absence the minute you set foot on that ship. He knew you’d come back, you promised. It would only be a short trip, but the walk back to the Slat was horrible for him. You had always been at his side, making remarks at things you would pass. Kaz had never been talkative, but you eased him into conversing with you about the simplest things. Quiet walks used to be one of his favorite things, but now it had been a terrible thing to even think about. Of course, he had Jesper, but it just wasn’t the same.
- And now he didn’t have you for future heist plans. No retorts, no advice, no jokes; nothing. He was sulking away in his room for most of the time, really. They pulled off one heist in the four weeks you were gone. One heist. The Crows had been informed that it was because of the lack of activity in Ketterdam, but they knew it was because Kaz had missed you.
- He didn’t even realize how important you had been for his daily life. There was no “Goodmorning” from you when he stepped into the kitchen, there was no “I’m sorry. Jesper and I didn’t know this would happen” anytime something slightly out of the ordinary happened, no “Nina said it would work” when you did something stupid. Nothing. Just deafening silence.
- The Crows did appreciate the off-time they got. It left them with space to grow closer to each other; hosting game nights and waffle mornings. They missed you too, of course, but not nearly as much as Kaz had.
- kaz holds a picture of you on his desk from before he went “Ketterdam is my mother and my only love is money” but always hides it when someone enters to prevent teasing
- the picture has now not once left his table ever since you left. Jesper even spotted it but didn’t say a word.
- When you came back, the Crows were ecstatic to see you. They didn’t dare mention Kaz, but just engulfed you in hugs and small talk.
- Catching up with Kaz had been a whole other thing. He took you out on a walk after dinner, claiming he was too busy to pick you up when you arrived, but we all know it was because he didn’t want others to see him show even the tiniest bit of emotion.
- Tried to tell you how easy it went without you at the Slat, but can’t come up with an example to save his life. He just mentioned one heist and stopped there, asking you about how your trip was. It would be the most you got out of Kaz.
- You appreciated the walk too. Kaz had listened to every word you had said and continued walking with you, even as his leg grew worse. You had quickly noticed it and asked him to go back to the Slat, but he insisted on walking past the park that had the only bit of green Ketterdam had to offer.
- It was an important place to him, because that’s when he held your cheek to comfort you. The first touch you had encountered with him after the whole Jordie debacle. You didn’t know it was special to him. It was his secret to keep.
- Gets you flowers at the end of the walk, claiming your room smelled when you were gone and it might help with the oxygen, but it was purely him trying to be romantic. It was a big step for him, okay?
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What Is Your Place?
Was for @therayel, see request here, but the account has been deactivated in the month and a half that this took
Pairing: Kaz Brekker × Reader (platonic Crows × Reader)
Summary: Faced with a ghost from their past, Y/N finds themself unable to cope and Kaz finds himself uncharacteristically concerned.
Word Count: 3k
Warnings: A single swear word, reference to vague trauma, panic attack (??)
A/N: I used they/them pronouns for the reader so that more people could enjoy this story. It was kinda strange to write focused more on Kaz's perspective than Y/N's but I think I quite like how this turned out.
“Jesper, that’s not a toy!” Wylan scolded, reaching over to try – and fail – to intercept the round explosive that the taller boy was tossing between his hands. “We all end up dead if you drop it.”
“I don’t want to die yet.” You chimed in from behind them. Jesper glanced over his shoulder at you before handing the metal ball to Wylan with an exaggerated sigh.
“You guys are no fun.” He grumbled.
“We just value our lives.” Nina retorted.
You looked over at Kaz beside you, his expression stony and his eyes focused straight ahead. Inej was somewhere on the rooftops above, though you could never keep track of the Wraith, and Matthias was waiting at the canal with the boat that would take you to safety now that your job was complete.
The trip through the canals was casual, everyone chatting amongst each other, feeling the fresh buzz of a job well done. You got off of the boat in the Barrel and began the walk to the Crow Club.
You and Wylan were walking at the back of the group, your attention on reading out the ingredients on a little pot to see if what was inside contained the specific chemicals that he needed. You were so focused on your task that you didn’t notice the person walking towards you, and you bumped into them head on.
“Oh, I-“ You began to apologise before you looked up and saw the man stood before you. You froze. The sneer on his face told you that he remembered you.
“Still haven’t learned your place then.” He spat. You knew that your fear and upset was showing on your face, and you could see the smugness that it was prompting from him. You couldn’t find your voice to reply. “It would do you some good to start observing your place in the world.”
You flinched when he took his first step, and he laughed at you as he walked away. You were still frozen to the spot. You could hear Wylan repeating your name, but you couldn’t bring yourself to respond. Your ears were ringing, your heart was pounding and you could feel your hands shaking.
It wasn’t until Wylan reached out to lay a hand on your shoulder that you snapped out of your stupor, and suddenly you couldn’t bare the fact that you were in public. There was a burning in the back of your throat and a stinging behind your eyes. Anger and shame bubbled beneath your skin and you just felt so overwhelmed.
You turned around and bolted.
“Saints, Y/N!” Wylan called after your retreating form, effectively getting the attention if the other Crows.
“What happened? Where are they going?” Jesper questioned as the group came back towards Wylan, who shrugged.
“Wraith, go after them.” Kaz said flatly, and Inej took off after you on silent feet. “Wylan?”
“I don’t know what happened. This guy bumped into them, said some weird stuff and then they ran.”
“Well what did he say?”
“Something about Y/N learning their place in the world.” Wylan answered.
“That’s unsettling.” Nina commented.
“What did the guy look like?” Kaz pressed, an urgency now in his voice.
“Uh... tall, bearded, broad shoulders-" Wylan recalled before Kaz interrupted.
“Was there a scar under his left eye?”
“Um, yeah. I think so.” He nodded. Kaz cursed under his breath and started in the direction that you had run.
“Come on, they’ll be headed home.”
“Wait, weren’t we supposed to go back to the Crow Club?” Jesper questioned, but still began following after their leader.
“This is more important.”
“What’s the problem? What’s up with Y/N?” Nina asked, her tone worried.
“Bad memories.” Kaz replied vaguely.
The pace that he set was brutal, speeding across the cobbles of the Barrel as fast as his bad leg would carry him. His limp was pronounced after multiple days of constant action with little rest, and every step he took sent a shock through his leg, but he cared more about getting to you quickly. He knew the memories that this encounter had dragged up for you, and he hated to admit it to himself but he was worried about you.
Your apartment was just a couple of streets over from the Slat, and it didn’t take them very long to get there. The Crows ascended the stairs to your apartment in a hurry, finding Inej posted outside your door.
“I was just about to come back and get you all.” She said. “They won’t answer me. I’ve been hearing bangs and crashes and-“ She was interrupted by the sound of something smashing on the other side of your door, followed by an angry scream.
“What are we supposed to do?” Matthias questioned. Kaz ran a hand through his hair.
“Y/N?” He called through the door. “Can you hear me?”
“What’s happening with them, Kaz?” Inej asked. “It seems serious.”
“Who was that guy back there and why has it left Y/N like this?” Wylan added.
“They have a history.”
A crash and a yell.
“What kind of history?” Jesper followed up.
“It’s none of your business!” Kaz snapped. “And frankly, it doesn’t matter right now. Y/N!?” He turned back to the door, calling louder this time. The rest of the Crows exchanged glances. Kaz called out to you again.
“Fuck off!” You screamed, and the door shook as something hit it.
The Crows were shaken to see you like this. You were usually calm and collected, rational and logical yet mellow. You were a good balance for the group. They had never seen you break before. Except for Kaz.
Kaz had found you like this, broken down and angry at the world. The first time he saw you was in an alleyway in the Barrel, beating the crap out of somebody who had tried to jump you. When he approached you, you almost attacked him too. You would have lost, but that wasn’t the point; he saw potential.
Kaz was the only one who knew about what you had gone through in the past, the people you had wronged you and the trauma they had left you with. That was why he was so worried now.
He leaned against the door, hearing you scream and shout and throw things around, breathing deeply from stress.
“You look really worried, Kaz.” Jesper commented. “You usually only look this worried when somebody’s dying, and even then you don’t always get this concerned.”
“What aren’t you telling us? Is Y/N in some kind of danger?” Nina pressed.
“It’s not mine to tell.” Kaz answered flatly, his attention still on the sounds of you inside the apartment.
You went on screaming and breaking things for a few minutes before things went quiet, and the Crows looked around at each other.
“Y/N?” Kaz called. You didn’t answer. “Y/N, can you hear me?” Still nothing. Kaz reached into his pocket and produced a lock pick, swiftly pushing it into the keyhole of the door.
A faint click came, and he turned the handle and pushed. The door didn’t move.
“It’s locked.” He muttered.
“What do you mean it’s locked? Didn’t you just pick the lock?” Wylan asked.
“There’s a sliding lock, there’s no trace of it on this side of the door.”
“I can go around to the window?” Inej suggested. Kaz shook his head.
“Don’t bother.” He took a step back and kicked. The door shook. He kicked again, wincing at the pain in his bad leg.
“Let me do it.” Matthias said, waving Kaz to the side and stepping in front of the door. He kicked it hard, and they heard the wood splinter. He kicked it again and it swung open, the sliding lock ripped off from the wall.
Kaz was the first to rush in, everyone else behind him, and what they found was pure destruction. Furniture overturned, broken glass and ceramics that had been thrown against the walls, blood on the mirror from where you had punched it in two places. And in the centre of it all was you, on your knees in the middle of the room with your forehead pressed to the floorboards and your body shaking with violent sobs.
“Saints, Y/N.” Kaz sighed, walking over to you. He crouched down as best as he could with the stiffness in his leg, scanning you for any injuries. Nina and Jesper knelt down on either side of you, comforting hands on you back and shoulders, and a wail escaped your throat.
You moved you hand up to hold onto Nina’s hand on your shoulder, the blood on it wetting her fingers, and tried to slow your breathing. Everything was silent for a moment.
“Are you alright, Y/N? Are you hurt?” Inej asked, and you shook your head.
“Can you breathe?” Kaz asked, his tone stony as it always was but with an edge of caring to it. You nodded. “Can you stand?” You took a deep breath and began to push yourself up.
“Be careful.” Wylan warned as you wobbled in getting to your feet, but you stood and you were stable. You took a deep breath and wiped at the tears on your face.
“Come and talk with me in the bathroom.” Kaz said. Your legs were shaky, but you shuffled across the room to the bathroom door with him following closely behind you.
Once inside the bathroom, you leaned against the counter as Kaz shut and locked the door behind the two of you. Then he opened the cabinet under the sink and took out your medical kit, placing it beside you.
“I’m okay.” You croaked.
“You’re bleeding.” He countered, grabbing a cloth and running it under the tap. He rang it out and handed it to you before taking a step back.
“I wasn’t really talking about that.” You chuckled pathetically. You sniffed, patting the damp cloth over your bloody knuckles, and blinked away the wetness in your eyes.
“What did he say to you?” Kaz asked softly.
“I don’t want to say it.” You whispered.
Kaz was gentle with you, and for a boy very much known for not being gentle it was quite a foreign thing for him. But he knew that he had to be or it would just make things worse. Blunt but gentle was how he got you back to yourself.
“I thought you might hurt yourself.” He stated, feeling compelled to justify his concern.
“I did.” You smiled weakly, holding up your injured hand before picking up a roll of gauze from your medical kit.
“I didn’t tell the others.”
“But I think that they’ll want to know.” You sighed at that.
“I’ll tell them when I’m ready.” You mumbled. “How much stuff did I break?”
“I didn’t take inventory, but it looked like a lot.” Kaz answered, earning a whisper of a laugh from you. Your eyes were puffy and reddened, and your shoulders sagged as if were folding in in yourself. It was nothing like the bright eyes and proud posture that Kaz had become accustomed to from you.
You couldn’t help but feel ashamed that your friends had seen you like this. This was a part of you that you had managed to hide from them until now, but being face to face with a ghost from your past had proved too much for you.
“They won’t think any less of you.” Kaz said matter-of-factly, as if he knew what you were thinking. “They all have their own dark histories.”
The two of you stayed in silence for a while, the only sound being your still laboured breathing. Kaz leaned against the wall across from you to take the weight off his bad leg and watched you fidget anxiously.
“He made me feel so small, Kaz.” You muttered finally, your voice cracking.
“But you’re not small.” He replied without hesitation. “You’ve never been small, you’ve just been held down.”
“He said that I needed to learn my place.” You told him with a sniff, and Kaz felt his blood boil.
After he met and recruited you, Kaz had spent months helping you get over the helping get over the mental blocks that constantly being told to ‘stay in your place' had given you. It was an ongoing struggle, of course, but with Kaz you had found your strength. He hated to see you feeling so weak.
“You already know your place, Y/N.” He said sternly, stepping away from the wall to stand right in front of you. “I helped you find it, but it was yours to decide. What’s your place?”
“On my feet, weapon in hand.” You answered meekly. You had done this before when you lost surety of yourself, and you knew that Kaz would keep going until you pulled yourself together.
“What is your place, Y/N?”
“On my feet, weapon in hand.” You repeated, more firmly this time.
“Again, give me something else. What is your place?”
“With the Crows.”
“What is your place?”
“Among the most dangerous people in the Barrel.”
“One more time, what is your place?”
“Wherever I want it to be.” You stated, squaring your shoulders. You met Kaz’s eyes and saw the proud smirk on his face as you took a deep breath and summoned your confidence back.
“Good.” He nodded. “Stand up.” You pushed off of the counter and steadied yourself.
“I’m okay.” You affirmed, your hands in fists to stop any shaking. “Thank you.”
“I’ll kill him if you want me to.” Kaz deadpanned. He had offered before and you told him not to trouble himself with it, but if he was honest with himself he would quite like to kill that man.
“Don’t kill anyone on my account.” You smiled.
“He would deserve it.”
“A lot of people deserve a lot of things. Fate will pay him back in kind one day.” You shrugged slightly, and Kaz sighed.
“Show me your hand.” He said. You held out your messily bandaged hand for him to look over. You were so surprised when he lifted his own hand to meet yours that you almost withdrew, but you held still as he gently tucked the end if the gauze into itself more securely before quickly removing his hand. “You owe nothing to anyone but yourself.”
“Aren’t I supposed to be loyal to you?”
“I ask for your loyalty, you don’t owe it to me. That’s something that has to be earned.” He replied. “Now, we have to get back to the Crow Club. You don’t have to come if you don’t feel up to it.”
“No, I’ll come.” You asserted. “I started this job, I’m going to finish it.” Kaz’s lip quirked up in the barest smile, and he turned to head for the door.
“Perhaps you’d like to stay at the Slat tonight, what with the state that you’ve left this apartment it.” He offered. You sighed and nodded.
“I think that would be for the best.” You mumbled, slightly embarrassed.
There was a click as Kaz unlocked the bathroom door, and you took a steadying breath as he pushed it open and the two of you stepped back out into your living area.
You stepped out and saw that your furniture had been righted and the rest of the Crows were scattered around the room picking up debris from the floor. At the sound of you stepping out, they all stopped and turned to you.
“Y/N, are you alright?” Nina asked, putting down the shards of ceramic in her hands and rushing over to you. “What happened?”
“I’m fine.” You answered with a smile. “It was just, um, something from my past. You guys really didn’t have to clean up after me.”
“Well, we were waiting out here anyway. We figured we might as well make ourselves useful.” Jesper commented with a smirk and a shrug, and you chuckled lightly.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Inej checked, and you nodded.
“Kaz helped me get my mind in order. Anyway, let’s get back to the Crow Club and get this job officially finished, shall we?”
“You know, you can tell us whatever happened in your past; whoever that guy was.” Wylan said, coming up beside you as you grabbed your key and headed for the door, which was thankfully still mostly intact.
“Someday, Wy, but not today.” You smiled.
You all filed out of your apartment and started back towards the Crow Club. Nina and Inej walked either side of you, somewhat proactively, and you couldn’t help but be amused – though appreciative – at the gesture.
Kaz led the group, but couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder to check on you every so often.
“So, you like Y/N right?” Jesper smirked, walking by his side.
“What?” He asked flatly.
“You like Y/N. You were so worried about the back there, we all saw it. Is there something going between you two? Because I didn’t think that you were capable of being supportive and calming people down like that.”
“I don’t like Y/N.” Kaz denied, though the pull in his chest suggested otherwise. “I just know how to deal with their problems.”
“Mhm, sure.” Jesper nodded, unconvinced. “And I don’t like Wylan, I just know how to push all his buttons.” He mocked before slowing his stride to join the rest of you.
Kaz released a silent sigh and looked over his shoulder at you. You met his gaze for a moment, a smile on your face, and he knew somewhere deep within him that Jesper was right. There was something between you that he couldn’t keep on denying to himself, as vague and intangible that something was.
“Kaz.” You said, coming up beside him when you reached the Crow Club. He hummed in acknowledgment. “Thanks for your help.” He looked over at you, holding yourself up with pride and the sparkle back in your eyes, and couldn’t help the tiny smile that came onto his face.
“No problem, Y/N.” He answered, a warmth settling in his chest at the knowledge that he had helped you find yourself, grateful that you chose to stay with him.
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Jesper: Kaz? so i had a question about my-
Kaz: not. now Jesper.
Jesper: but i have a question!
Kaz: I said not now.
Jesper: So i had a question about my investment-
Kaz: Your inVESTMENT? What about her?
jesper: H-Her?? what-
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nikolai lantsov: august
@wafflesandschemingfaces requested a piece inspired by august, and i am more than happy to push the august agenda. THIS TOOK WAY TOO LONG IM SO SORRY!!! i hope it’s okay that i worked this in as a part two of “mirrorball.”
happy AUGUST babes! this was originally going to end angsty but i was feeling generous so enjoy the happier ending :)))
he tasted like salt, which had been a rarity at home. with the prices spiking in the cities, the smaller markets in the countryside could not supply even the simplest spice. having reignited the placated desire, you were greedy for more of him.
over the last seven months, you took advantage of nearly every opportunity the volkvony offered. you strengthened your abilities at sea with the careful instruction of the two other tidemakers onboard. tamar’s twin brother, toyla, guided your interest in grisha literature and history.
certain adjustments proved more difficult than others. you were no stranger to early work or rising in a shared room. however, despite the bright flush from the use of your powers, your muscles ached under the strain of the new practice. you found your training to be an unfamiliar yet cherished consistency.
you struggled with feelings of inferiority at first. the other female tidemaker, yelena, was a stowaway from the little palace. disregarding her heavy contempt for the school there, her experience helped you immensely.
peter was also a comfort in his own way. another self-taught grisha himself, it only pained you to hear of his family’s acceptance and attempts to teach him. your family might not have thrown you to the fjerdans but they offered little to help you control the power.
time could not move backwards to prevent your wounds but it could move forward to heal them.
now, perched on the deck beside yelena, you were calmer and more confident than ever before. you watched sturmhond out of the corner of you eye, turning your head in the wind to guide a piece of hair back out of your face. his white shirt billowed in the wind, sleeves rolled up and hands in the air to help dictate one of his famous stories.
“you look at him as if he hung the stars in the sky himself,” yelena snorted, elegantly drawing up a rather powerful wave to hasten your journey south, “trust me, he’ll take the hint and never let it go.”
but for you, perhaps he had. a new constellation, at least. three stars shined brighter than before for you, now visible to the naked eye. freedom, purpose, and opportunity. his gracious offer extended to beyond the imaginable.
“i could never have dreamed of this,” you replied earnestly, lightly bumping into her hip with your own.
“kerch does not have blondes, no?” she teased, exaggerating her already thick ravkan accent.
you blushed, nonetheless, “you’re going to get us off task, yelena.”
she rolled her eyes, returning her attention to the sea with a grunt. you did not miss the small smile that barely touched her face after, however. you would have missed it if she had not adjusted your arm, lifting it higher to create a higher crest.
in truth, you did not mind. you enjoyed observing. from your station at one side of the hull, you had a suitable view of the surrounding activity on the deck. storytelling only happened to be one of the aforementioned pursuits by the crew.
the first time was an accident. you nearly ran into him one morning during your second week onboard. the sun had filtered through the cracks in your room, beckoning your rise. you chased the sunbeams up the staircase adjacent to the door and soaked in the warmth they graciously provided.
the sunrise was magnificent. too distracted by the beauty painted in front of you in the sky, your elbow caught the captain’s. your eyes immediately went wide, an apology poised on your tongue. growing up with seven siblings, you were accustomed to making yourself smaller to allot room for the others. what other habits would you lose during your time aboard the volkvony?
“that’s quite alright,” sturmhond replied, eyes twinkling at the pale pink flush of your cheeks, “i suppose the sunrise caught my attention, as well,” he turned his head back, “though, that might not be all that did.”
as the tempo of your heart approached a crescendo, you nodded with a nervous smile. your eldest sister’s experiences with boys were all you had to go off of. your parents were together, yes, but as you aged, you realized that the nature of their union simply secured stability for the both of them. love had been an after thought and a forgotten one at that.
“want to watch it with me?” his eyes were brighter than the sun, more vibrant than the various hues splattered across the sky.
sounding just as much of a child as did he, you responded, “i would love to.”
he waited for no counter, immediately taking your hand in his to nearly drag you up the stairs. his hand was surprisingly warm despite the slight chill in the morning air. your brain fought the feeling of his touch at first, recognizing the pressure of his fingers now intertwined with yours but refusing to reciprocate the gesture.
by the time the sun reached a pinnacle in the sky, shining it seemed for just the two of you, you had given him your hand and your heart.
you let him memorize your story, pausing when he could not remember the order of your siblings. you repeated it until he could. the mornings were filled with whispers and soft touches. you thought he was helping you write a new story—one where maybe, you could have your perspective at the forefront.
the pressure of his his knee shamelessly pressing into yours dominated your thoughts. you decided that it would be more disconcerting to slide away from him but each passing moment added fuel to the fire of his warmth. you did not know what to think about the way he made you feel.
“i’m not who you think i am,” the privateer spoke, deadly calm. his tone did not waver, nor did the contact his eyes maintained with the horizon.
you wanted to tease the boy beside you but one look at the frown overtaking his face gave you pause. you felt increasingly uncomfortable, which you never did with him, not even when he first introduced himself. it was all wrong.
“i’m not sure what you mean,” you whispered hesitantly, trailing your fingers in the dust of the deck before they grew too numb to control.
his jaw clenched. his eyes bore into the sea. you only heard the sound of his breath—strangled and uneven.
“sturmhond,” you tried, watching as the wind ruffled his tawny and unkept hair.
“no,” he strained, “nikolai.”
an unusual name but a beautiful name, you decided.
“i-i don’t understand,” you fought to get the words out—battling with breaths instead of bombs, syllables instead of swords.
you wanted to push it all aside for naive hope, content with your pocket of fool’s gold.
“do you remember when we sailed to the outskirts of ravka?” he questioned you, gaining control of the previous shake in his voice.
you hummed in reply, trying to put together the pieces of his puzzle before he realized you had not finished yet.
the blonde looked like he was in pain when he next spoke, “the prince,” he began with his eyes timidly locked on your own, “his name is nikolai.”
contrary to your lack of education, you were clever and thus, able to fill in the blanks for yourself.
“who else knows?” you might have hoped for something more but you were not innocent enough to believe the prince only shared his identity with the girl who had succumbed to his longing stares.
“the twins,” he began with a sigh too heavy for him to carry alone, “yelena. one or two others.”
yelena knew. for some reason, your stomach turned at that. you knew it was misplaced and unnecessary jealously but there it sat all the same, weighing you down like an unmovable stone. a similar pressure pulsed behind your eyes, forcing a collection of tears to your waterline.
he offered an apology with words, but it was his eyes that held the true sincerity, the way his fingers restlessly knotted in his lap, and that even though it was a fight, he had moved aside to give you space. you wanted to believe that everything would be okay despite the change, that it could be, at least.
your heart ached. you never wanted him further away from you. or closer. his body was too familiar now.
nikolai never belonged to you, not really. and even if ravka would inevitably melt his golden heart and carelessly mold it to their benefit, he belonged to the broken country. not to you. never to you—alone.
with that, of course, you could not belong to him, either. a farmer’s daughter who did not complete her primary studies. maybe you did have a claim to grisha power, but you knew enough about ravka to understand that you would be a soldier. you already felt like one, fighting an endless battle between your head and heart. diligence and desire.
“you let me—,” you swallowed thickly, “give myself to you. you made it so easy to be sure.” now, you were no longer as certain in your decisions.
he kicked his feet in the water, unable to carry your gaze lest he lose it much like your heart, “i hoped it could be different.”
you searched for anything to ground yourself in along the horizon, burning your eyes in the sinking sun, “you’ll have to go back, then.”
he nodded, his head bobbing more fitfully than the waves, “yes.”
your did not want to talk any longer because if you did, you were sure that you would cry. you decided that you had, in fact, been foolish. how could you live off of hope alone? your destiny belonged to the fields not the sea.
“okay?” nikolai repeated, voice dancing between disbelief and what might have been anger, unable to remember the next step, “that’s all that’s left?”
“i think so,” you replied airily, turning to brush a lock of his hair behind his ear, “because i understand. i might not want to. well, i certainly don’t want to but—,”
you were cut off and for the blonde boy beside you to do it, you knew he had good reason. he gave you a voice simply by listening, something few had done for you before. your words had been stolen by his lips in the end.
“i might not be able to give you nikolai,” his lips were down turned but now flushed with color, “but i can give you sturmhond. i can give you nik,” he brought your hand to his heart, “that is if you’ll have me?”
you did not belong to prince nikolai of ravka. he could not be a character in your story. but, you could write another chapter. you could change the plot for the better.
you kissed him with as much fervor as he had earlier. he twisted his fingers into your hair, winding a passage to the back of your neck. you curled into the warmth radiating from his side, fisting his shirt before slowly pulling away.
“i can’t believe you’re a prince.”
that earned you a laugh. the laugh you knew you could never live with losing. if you could not have him entirely, you would hold onto anything that could be yours. just yours. for now, the heat of the sun on your faces split wide with grins was enough.
grishaverse taglist: @just-a-human-witha-pen @ilovemarvelanne1 @story-scribbler @subjecta13-thefangirl
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Would you write Kaz Brekker headcanons of him and the reader (she/her/hers) being in the 'between friends and lovers' stage and she's isn't big on celebrating her birthday cause she doesn't like being the center of attention so headcanons on how what he does for her? Thank you in advance!
Birthdays, Kaz Brekker
Headcanons, female s/o (but can be read as genderneutral)
Tw: Kaz being complicated with feelings, Kaz being nice??????
- Kaz knew you weren’t big on birthdays. He has had multiple birthdays with you already, but he knew you preferred a small thing such as a simple “happy birthday” instead of a party.
- It never used to bother him. It took a while for the two of you to grow close, so feelings were very closed off at the beginning. But when Kaz got to know you better - no matter how much he tried to deny it - he slowly fell in love with you. He did his best ignoring it, he really did, but every time you smiled or made another teasing remark, his heart would flip, which went followed by a knowing look of Nina.
- Now your birthday was coming up again and he knew he had to do something. At least a small thing. He didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by organizing a huge party or game night. He wouldn’t even feel comfortable himself. Instead of that, he managed to convince the Crows to let you sleep in one day. (Jesper had the annoying ability of waking up everyone the minute he stepped foot into the kitchen. Inej is an early riser, but it takes time for her to get into her whole wraith thing. You would not believe how clumsy she is in the morning.)
- Nina had spent night trying to make the perfect waffles and after nearly burning down the kitchen twice, she finally made them the exact way she liked them. And the exact way you liked them. She managed to hide her practicing from you so you wouldn’t grow suspicious.
- The morning of the birthday, she woke you with waffles (after letting you sleep in until 10:00, which is considerably better than 06:00). She left them by your bedside with some tea/coffee and left you to get up in your own tempo and eat in private.
- At the small nook of your window, a bouquet of flowers had been placed in a vase. Judging at the state of the flowers and the way they hadn’t been there the night before, you knew Kaz had placed them there. He was the only one who could enter your room without knowing and Inej would never walk into your room without permission. The other crows might, but they would’ve woken you up the minute they reached the door. A small card hung from the vase, stating a simple, but well appreciated “happy birthday”.
- Upon walking downstairs to retrieve the dishes, Jesper welcomed you with one of his usual hugs and of course a “happy birthday”. You remembered when you first told him it was your birthday and he felt embarrassed for not knowing. He even tried to invite some guests, but you quickly shot him off of that offer. Now, he just hands you a small gift with a huge smile.
- Jesper, being the true Jesper he is, gave you a simple, but bulky ring with an engraved crow in it. Very much appreciated indeed.
- Wylan managed to get you a great set of chocolates (they don’t tell you this, but chocolates are scarce in Ketterdam and are sold at way too high prices). Matthias got you a warm blanket, which was very thoughtful of him and most surprising to you. You had mentioned how you were always cold in your room, but it was never discussed afterwards, so you thought he had just forgotten it. He hadn’t. Absolute sweetheart.
- Nina and Inej shared a gift, which was a collectible set from your favorite series, completed with an actual autograph of the author.
- Kaz had just walked down when you were done with the gifts. Surprisingly, he took you out for lunch, which was the last thing you had expected. He insisted it had been a future heist plans, but you knew he would never discuss them in public, even less without every crow present.
- You were correct though. Not one mention of a heist. You didn’t tell him. You knew he was thinking very hard on why he brought you there, but all you said was “thank you”, followed by a tiny smile. Kaz had been quiet for most of lunch, which was nothing out of the ordinary really. Kaz was always quiet during eating.
- The lunch wasn’t even awkward at all. It was just the two of you together, something you had appreciated most of all this day. After arriving back at the Slat, he threw a small package your way, not saying one word. You just threw him another smile and walked up to your room, ready to read the books you got.
- Upon opening Kaz’ gift, you found a necklace with a beautiful, large gem dangling from it. In the box, there was a small piece of paper, signed; “It compliments your eyes. -K”
- You never took it off afterwards. Nina complimented you on it the first time she saw you wearing it and told you it goes well with your eyes. You knew for sure Kaz hadn’t told her, because he would never tell these things. And now you knew it truly did fit you, you knew you would take this gift with you to your grave.
- A good birthday indeed.
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"Not many people surprise me, Miss Starkov".
Holy shit- that was so hot!
NOT MANY PEOPLE SURPRISE ME, GENERAL ALEKSANDER!!
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okay but a netflix six of crows spin-off series focused on crime rather than fantasy with darker themes and more complicated heists would collectively water our crops and clear our skin
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Do you guys ever think about how Jesper probably has hearing damage due to firing a gun all the time? Or do you think he never actually pulls the trigger and instead just makes the bullet fly out using his powers and he just carries guns for the aesthetic?
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Darklina endgame? Yay or nay???
I want Alina to grow as a protagonist first. For her to become a protagonist who cares about the political situation and how bad the plight of the Grisha are instead of her worrying over three men/her cottagecore dreams.
As for Darklina, I found their end in book 3 to be poetic and I actually really liked it. I will always hate that she lost her powers and will ignore the KOS duology for the sake of my own sanity, but I actually liked them not being endgame. And I don't really have much hope for them being endgame in the show either.
I would have preferred it if Alina died as well or she ended up with her powers as a Grisha queen but that's on the author and her BS. Also single and powerful Alina >>>>
All the rambling aside, no. I'm not one for Darklina endgame. Now death trope or her ruling as queen? I'll take that instead.
Hope I made sense.
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In the six of crows fandom we often remember the pain of Kaz tramua but No one seems to remember Inej tramua
Inej was stolen from her family
She was abused
She was used
Her own body was not her own
She wanted to save other people,other women so they don’t have the same pain she does
She resents the same of caramel cause it reminds her of being a girl
She has trust issues even to those who have saved her life (Jesper)
“It isn’t easy for me either.” Her voice, low and steady, the voice that had once led him back from hell. “Even now, a boy will smile at me on the street, or Jesper will put his arm around my waist, and I feel like I’m going to vanish.” The room tilted. He clung to the tether of her voice. “I live in fear that I’ll see one of her—one of my —clients on the street. For a long time, I thought I recognized them everywhere. But sometimes I think what they did to me wasn’t the worst of it.”
She believes she DESERVES it
Yes, Kaz backstory hurts like hell but Inej is hell
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Question: I didn't read the books (just know the netflix adaption) so: Is General Zlatan Nikolai Lantsov?
I just read Nikolai spent many years undercover in the books so i just wonder. 🤔 And i think Zlatan would be fit in as big brother of Vasily because of the hair and face.
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I find Darkling wanting to rule because he's power hungry so unrealistic because he literally spent hundreds of years as the second-most powerful person in Ravka, like he has to know how useless it all is, he's also seen multiple king's to know their lives ain't all that special. especially since so much of his character is setting himself up as someone above human behaviours due to immortality (hence his belief that Alina will have to eventually forgive him due to time.), The only other reason (and it's kinda what the book goes with) is he doesn't like being below the king, but like seriously just, I can't even with how stupid this is, how much of a man-child do you have to be to not grow up in hundreds of years.
He could've wanted to rule because he genuinely thought he could make the world a better place, but bardugo threw that out the window so hard it makes me want to cry
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so cal posted this and then freddy..
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the crows are that picture of the diverse group of friends laughing and having lunch on the quad on every university’s website homepage but they’re actually planning a heist to steal exam answers from the prof’s office and sell them online
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