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#kaz brekker imagine
ilovemarvelanne1 · a day ago
You said to send in Kaz Brekker x Reader requests, so: Reader learning a language (not for school or anything, but for fun, or for a mission) and spending the nights in his office, quizzing herself on vocabulary quietly, writing the words. And Kaz watching her, in awe that she remembers all these words and just marveling at her. Maybe he brings her a snack or tea or something... Just an idea ;)
Languages- Kaz Brekker x fem!reader
As a person who is currently also learning a language, i love this request! sure! thank you so much for requesting! please tell me how you like it! this is a bit shortt im sorry
As a Desi person, I have made the reader learn Hindi! Reader is not Desi, she's just learning a desi language.(let's pretend Hindi is a dialect of Suli okay)
edit: it’s funny, i’m writing this in the middle of my hindi lesson so heh<3(we’re not doing anything dw I’m a good student)
taglist: @scandalous-chaos @messers-moony-lupin @confuscita @staytrueblue @sirisuorionblack @mrs-brekker15
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" Angel? What are you muttering to yourself?” Kaz asked one afternoon, as you were sitting in the sofa next to his desk.
“ I’m learning hindi.”  you continued repeating the alphabet.
“Well, I hope you know you sound like a monkey.” Kaz’s lips quirked. man the alphabet in hindi is like a-aa-ee-eee-oo-ooo. 
“ Shut up Kaz, this is important.” you started writing the letters one by one.
“Why are you learning Hindi of all languages?”
“ Inej wants to talk to someone in Hindi and she’s my best friend and I want to surprise her.”
“ and you’re sacrificing your sleep, hours of your day and your overall your health for learning a language so you can talk to Inej?” Kaz confirmed, his eyebrow’s up.
“Why my health?”
“ Because we both know you’re going to forget to eat and sleep and drink water.”
“ That’s not true!” you protested, “ if anything you do that!” pointing at him.
“ We both do it, and that’s why we’re perfect for each other.” he grinned.
“ Smartass.” you rolled your eyes.
“ You love it.” his face came close to yours, noses brushing.
“ I do.” you pecked his nose and continued writing.
“Angel, it’s been three hours! Take a break!” Kaz groaned, lifting his head up from his work.
“ First you take a break. Eat something, drink water and I’ll take a break.”
 He mumbled incoherently and shuffled out, kissing the top of your head, a habit, as he left downstairs.
In exactly five minutes, he returned and handed you a cup of tea and placed a small plate of biscuits(parle-g my desi folks) on the desk for you.
“ Aww thanks Kaz.” you crooned, sipping your tea and dipping the biscuits.
“Mhmm.” he hummed and continued writing.
Well, he tried to.
What, was he not supposed to look in wonder as you kept reciting the order of the alphabet, quizzing yourself on matra’s and reading with a lovely accent?
Kaz forced himself to stop swooning over you and started writing.
He always admired your perseverance, and how you sacrificed so much for the people you cared about. He admired how you cared for people, your warmth and how you always managed to make people happy.
That’s exactly why he fell in love with you.
And when he saw how you happy you made Inej and the big smile you had on your face, he knew that there was no one he loved more than you.
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luna-writes-stuff · a day ago
Day 25: Ghostin’, Kaz Brekker
Song link
Fanfic, gender neutral! reader
Angst, hurt/comfort. If you know this song, you know it’s gonna hurt like hell.
Word count: 2284
Tw: Mentions of PTSD and Jordie. Kaz crying (oops). Established relationship. Haphephobia and description of dead hands touching your body. Some switches in scenario; goes from Kaz’ dream to your pov. Nightmares/night terrors. Throwing up/vomiting (and mentions of vomit)
Summary: It was no secret to you that Kaz often lay awake thanks to nightmares, but when one seems to be worse than the usual case, you grow worried, and Kaz gets stuck inside his dream. When you finally managed to pull him out of it, he needs comfort, even as you try to take care of him more than he is willing to accept.
I changed the lyrics in the song slightly, so it fits Kaz' pov. Yes, the angst is that much❤️
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"I know you hear me when I cry. I try to hold it in the night. While you're sleepin' next to me. But it's your arms that I need this time."
It was no secret to you about what happened to Kaz. And how he became the person he is today. You knew him well enough to know his darkest corners. Hell, you might have even known him better than he knew himself.
He had allowed himself to become vulnerable around you, something he never did for anyone. No one but you. You had been his one true exception. His opportunity to let go of the world outside and revel in your trust and comfort.
His faith in you even allowed you to sleep beside him at nights. Sure, from a distance, but still in the same bed. And it had taken him a very long while to admit that he felt safer having someone familiar around him when one of his nightmares would wake him up.
And he had been honest. He had told you this. And every night he had lain awake, you would be awake beside him, talking about anything that he wanted to hear.
"Look at the cards that we've been dealt. If you were anybody else probably wouldn't last a day. Every tear's a rain parade from hell."
But the nights he stayed awake weren’t the nights you feared. It were the nights he’d wake up from terrible dreams. Dreams that forced him to suffer through everything once more.
And feared them for the simple reason that you could not stop them. You could try to comfort him, and assure him you were there, but you could not expel these thoughts from his head.
Kaz would sometimes even wake up crying, and you by the saints wouldn’t even know what to do. Kaz didn’t enjoy crying in front of others, not even if it was you, so pointing it out might only make him feel more miserable. But then again, what would you do?
Kaz had trusted you to be there for him, but all it brought you was more pain. You would never tell him, of course, but every time he’d wake up with a start, you had an internal fight with yourself on what to do.
And you could not help but beat yourself up over it.
"Baby, you do it so well. You've been so understanding, you've been so good And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should."
The night had started off so easy. Business had finally been running smoothly and you had gotten time for yourself to enjoy your book with a cup of tea. Kaz had even decided to join you, grabbing a book of his own.
Neither of you had even noticed the late hour, until Jesper stumbled up towards his room. That’s when you knew it was truly time to go to sleep.
You had already gotten comfortable in bed, still occupied with the book, which you were not going to leave with that cliffhanger. Kaz had walked over to his side, sending you a grateful smile as you made sure to give him enough space to move.
Everything had gone so well and so perfect, that you nearly forgot about the nights you would stay awake.
Or this night, where you would be ripped out of your dreams.
"And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to admit that it hurts you."
Sleep had found you quick that night. Your body had been comfortably hidden under all the blankets and pillows, your mind off to wonderful dreams.
But beside you, Kaz had been taken in by other dreams. Dreams he learned to hate. Dreams that might not even be dreams, merely memories. But they were not pleasant; No.
They were old flashbacks of his earlier life with Jordie. And every time something would grow pleasant, his brother’s dead face would come into view, instead of the lively look he had held earlier.
He knew he was dreaming; he remembered the feeling. You had told him so often it wasn’t real. You had given him tips about getting yourself out of them, and he had tried them, but the minute a cold - no - frozen hand touched his shoulders, the poor boy malfunctioned.
Because that was his brother’s hand. His dead brother’s hand. And he did not know how to get rid of it.
"I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again over him. I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again instead of ghostin' him."
You had woken up to a heavy turning beside you. You frowned at the feeling, only having experienced waking Kaz up because he was whimpering. But as you turned around to face him, you saw nothing but sheer panic and raw fear on his face.
Even with his eyes closed, it had been so painfully obvious.
You immediately sat upright, forcing the sleep out of your face as your hand loomed over Kaz’ figure, not yet touching him.
“Kaz.” You whispered, shifting towards him lightly.
“It’s just a dream. Wake up.” You quietly urged.
But Kaz did not hear you yet. Not while he was battling with himself.
"We'll get through this, we'll get past this, I'm a boy with a whole lot of baggage."
Jordie’s hands on Kaz’s body seemed to multiply by the minute, and the feeling was excruciating. Various pairs of cold, dead hands ran up and down his body, taunting the boy silently, nearly forcing him to throw up.
The running of the fingers, the scratches of the nails, the metal of the rings, that had somehow been warmed than the bodies themselves: it drove him insane. He tried to slap the hands off, or even run away from them, but his attempts were futile. It seemed as if they had followed him everywhere.
Oh, how he wished to wake up in his bed now, only to turn to you and let everything fall down in front of his love. He needed to blow the fear off, let it fall from his shoulders as you would comfort him through the night, but it nearly appeared as if this wasn’t in his head. As if this had been real.
And you had not been there to save him from it.
"But I love you, we'll get past this, I'm a boy with a whole lot of baggage."
“Kaz!” You now whispered, your voice a tad bit louder, though it was still hushed in case someone would wake up.
You turned towards the cup of water that had always been on your desk. Just in case you’d grow thirsty. Should you throw it over him? That would be terrible, right? Just a simple nudge wouldn’t hurt. It is done out of your effort to help him.
So with much contemplation, you gently nudged his side with your hand, trying to get him to wake up. But your attempts were fruitless. He could not seem to get out of his head.
“Kaz, come on.” You continued, now giving him another nudge. But he had yet to wake up.
"Though I wish he were here instead. Don't want that living in your head. He just comes to visit me. When I'm dreaming every now and then."
The hands had now been all over his body, giving him no room to breathe. Bile had begun to rise up his throat, but he couldn’t get rid of it. Not even after retching multiple times. It appeared as if he was simply forced to suffer.
Tears escaped his eyes as he found himself completely lost, engulfed in the one thing he feared the most. He could not run and you were not there. No words to try to get him to stand up. No visible escape for him to take. There was naught but torment. Endless torment that nearly seemed to make fun of him.
“Kaz!” He heard faintly, as his breath got stuck in his throat as he recognized the voice. It had been you. and it had been a dream. He would simply wake up and be fine.
“Kaz, come on.”
The boy heard your prayers and he wanted to obey them so much, but he couldn’t seem to be able to. His heart had beaten faster than it ever did, and he could swear it was pushing all air out of his lungs. His whole skin was engulfed in goosebumps as painful tears ran past his cheeks.
“Help!” The boy finally yielded, calling out for you. Wishing that you would come and save him. If he could not get himself out, perhaps you could.
"And after all that we been through, there's so much to look forward to. What was done and what was said: Leave it all here in this bed with you."
“Help.” Kaz had mumbled in his sleep. Your heart broke at the sight of droplets of water falling from his eyes and you had so desperately wanted to get him out.
But the shaking did not seem to help, for he was still lost in his dreams. You let out a frustrated sign, scanning the room for something - anything to help. But there was nothing else but that glass of water on your night stand.
And whatever you were going to do, it had to be quick.
So without another second of hesitation, you reached for the cup, emptying the contents in Kaz’ face.
"Baby, you do it so well. You've been so understanding, you've been so good. And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should."
He was ripped from his dreams by a cold sensation on his face. Colder than the hands had been. But this time, it had been real. He could feel the water drip from his face as he shot up, gasping for breath as the bile continued rising up his throat.
His eyes caught sight of yours, a look of pure worry written on your face, before he leaned over his side of the bed, emptying his stomach on the floor.
Your eyes widened at the sight as you crawled over to him, sitting beside Kaz as new tears were now falling from his cheeks once more.
“I’ll get some water for you.” You quietly offered, already rolling over to your side. But the boy had stopped you in his tracks.
“No.” He croaked out, turning his head back to your figure.
"And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to admit that it hurts you."
The desperation in his eyes was killing you. He needed to drink something, but the silent pleading forced you to stay. So you gave him a short nod, sitting over next to him again.
“Do you want to talk about it?” You began, giving him one of your shirts that you kept under your pillow so he could dry his face.
Kaz stared at the material for a minute, before accepting it, wiping his face from the cold water that ran from it.
“It was him again.” He managed out, just as more tears gathered in his eyes. “It’s always the same.”
You frowned at the words. While you knew he would be dreaming about his brother again, it did not take any of the pain away from it.
“But there were so many-” He whispered, before a sob interrupted his speech, making him bury his head in your shirt.
"I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again over him. I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again instead of ghostin' him."
And the mere sight of him breaking down in front of you, was enough to gather tears in your eyes too. He had always held him so high, but seeing him like this, like nothing but the seventeen year old boy he had always been; it hurt you. It hurt you for there was nothing to do but talk.
“It’s okay. You’re here now.” You tried gently. “You’re here again.”
“I couldn’t escape.” He confessed through the fabric, not lifting his head to gaze into your eyes. “I did what you told me to, but it didn’t work.”
You sighed in defeat and empathy, now sitting next to him completely. “But you are in your room now. They can’t get to you.” You tried to soothe.
When Kaz didn’t respond, you decided to let him be for a while, only sitting there and letting him decide his own pace. If he wanted to stay like this the entire night, you would let him.
"We'll get through this, we'll get past this, I'm a boy with a whole lot of baggage."
After what felt like minutes, he finally raised his head. His sobs had began to fade out as the tears left nothing but red streaks down his cheeks.
“Hey.” You whispered, taking back the shirt he handed you. “Do you feel any better?”
Kaz shook his head lightly, before resting it against the bed frame behind him.
“Anything I can do?” You asked.
“Just stay.” He answered, his voice breaking slightly. “Don’t go.”
You nodded in assurance, following his example of resting your head against the bed frame.
“I will.”
"But I love you, we'll get past this."
When silence overtook the room once more, you risked a glance towards Kaz, who had been trying to recover himself.
“I do need to clean the floor.” You quietly brought up, though the scent had yet to reach both of you thanks to the open window letting in the fresh night air.
“Not yet.” Kaz spoke, looking over his shoulder. His hand neared yours, before it fell down beside it. He extended his pinky towards you, silently asking you to take it.
You smiled lightly at the gesture, linking your pinky with him as your eyes finally met his.
“Tell me when it’s okay to get up.” You proposed, sending him a reassuring look, to which he dared to show you a thinly formed smile back.
“I will.”
"I'm a boy with a whole lot of baggage."
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alcottsangel · 6 months ago
Simply clothes
{Kaz Brekker x reader}
Summary: Simple moments of Kaz showing his affection for Y/n through giving her his clothes.
Warnings: None.
This was a request by @simplyluvzuko :D I liked the idea, really cute and fluffy. I tried my best with it, I hope you enjoy it <3
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The mission was a complete disaster. It wasn't even a hard one, it was just about spying on a few of Pekka Rollins guys in a club. Everyone had their position, Jesper was, of course, gambling at one of the tables with Wylan next to him. Matthias and Nina stood next to the door, pretending to snug (they actually did), listening to the conversations of everyone who'd leave the club.
Kaz and Inej were outside, the Wraith on the roofs to keep track of the people walking in and and out of the club. Kaz waited two corners further for his Crows.
Y/n's task was simple. Look pretty, let them come close. Kaz didn't like her to do that, but Y/n insisted it wasn't a big deal. She wouldn't actually let them touch her. She knew how to take care of herself. It was going well, one of Rollins guys was drunk and really willingly to spill any information to a pretty girl. Her dress was green, tight, silky and long. Absolutely complementing her features, but also cold and she could feel goosebumps building up.
It was all fine, until the damn moment another Dime Lion pulled the guy aside, whispering into his ear. Y/n could hear it.
"That's Brekkers girl."
Was the simple sentence, that caused a tumult.
It happened so fast that Y/n couldn't even process it, she was a bit tipsy and it all happened in a blurr. What she did remember was, that Jesper grabbed her and moved her out of the club. Nina, Matthias, Inej and Wylan were already out and waiting for them.
They didn't stop running until they reached the corner Kaz waited at. It took him one look to realise that the mission had failed.
Y/n found it a little funny. They broke into the damn Ice Court, but couldn't even eavesdropp properly. Kaz didn't find it amusing at all.
As the Crows were walking back to the Slat, it was awfully quiet. Kaz and Y/n fell back a little.
His leg was worse today, the weather was cold and rainy. As Kaz' gaze went to Y/n, he could see her rubbing her bare arms. She was obviously freezing. The Bastard of the Barrel sighed, stopped and took off his coat, before handing it to her.
She looked at it in surprise. That wasn't something you would expect Kaz Brekker to do.
The thing between them has been going on for some time now. They were close, as close as Kaz would let anybody be. They held hands twice. They hugged once. Huge steps for Kaz and Y/n wouldn't dare to rush him.
"Are you sure?" She asked concerned.
Kaz didn't look to her, still holding his arm up.
"Take it already, you're going to catch a cold."
So she did take it, without touching his gloved hand. She smiled. It meant alot to her.
Kaz continued walking to catch up with the others again, Y/n followed. His coat was warm and cozy. It was beautiful.
"You shouldn't go out dressed like that when Dime Lions are around anyways." Kaz noticed. Y/n chuckled. "But I look good. Have you seen my tits in this dress? I've never worn more flattering clothes."
That's where it had started.
It wasn't something big, but Kaz had found a way of showing affection towards her without feeling rushed. Soon, Y/n was wearing his coat all the time. Kaz brought himself a new one.
The next item that went missing out of his wardrobe was a shirt.
It wasn't something the Crows noticed, Kaz had a bunch of simple white button up shirts.
They only realised when Y/n started wearing one instead of her black leather attire.
On Saturday Y/n stayed in Kaz' room to help in sorting out the numbers of the Crows Club. It was late, she was tired and constantly dragging on her tight and uncomfortable shirt.
So Kaz stood up, without a word, walking towards his dresser to pull out another shirt of him. One, that he was wearing to bed.
He threw it at the young women, who raised her brows at him, as he walked back to his table and sat down.
"Put it on, it's more comfortable than your clothes. Keep it, if you want." Dirtyhands said, already concentrating on the papers in front of him again.
She nodded, stood up and turned around to face his bed, starting to undress her top right there. Kaz looked up, surprised. He hadn't considered that. He only saw her back. Her skin looked soft, with a few moles and freckles. When she unclipped her bra, Kaz gasped silently. The moment felt so intimate, as if she trusted him more than anyone else.
Once she had closed the last button of his shirt, she turned around. Kaz was facing the papers, but he had a soft blush on his cheeks.
She had never seen him blushing before.
So, rolling up the sleeves of the shirt, she decided to not address it. She still couldn't help to giggle a little.
On Wednesday Y/n wasn't feeling well. There wasn't really a concrete reason, everything just felt odd and she wasn't in the mood to actually do something properly. So instead, she locked herself away in her room the entire day. Kaz was on a mission with Jesper so she felt especially lonely. Both, Nina and Inej tried to approach her but she just told them to leave.
It wasn't until the evening, when she got hungry, that she left her room and walked down the stairs. The Slat was pretty empty, most Dregs were out, but Inej and Nina sat on a table and talked. When they saw her, they waved for her to join them. Y/n did.
Nina was incredibly jolly today, so Inej and Y/n ate silently listening to her endless chattering.
Y/n didn't even finish her plate, when she started to feel tired and pushed it away.
The young women tried desperately to stay awake, concentrating fully on Nina, but she was knocked out within the next few minutes.
When Jesper and Kaz returned, they saw a rather amusing picture. Nina, giggling and talking, with three plates of waffles stacked before her, indicating her good mood. Inej next to her, smiling softly and finishing Y/n's plate. The last of them asleep, head on the table, wearing the shirt Kaz gave to her days ago. Dirtyhands smirked, as they walked towards the girls.
"Seems like you're having the time of your life." Jesper joked, stealing some meat from the plate Inej was eating from.
"Hey!" They Suli girl protested, but smiled.
"Hey Brekker, maybe you should take care of your girl. She's feeling off today." Nina turned to him. Kaz shook his head. "Let her sleep. If she does it down here, it was needed." Dirtyhands placed his hat and cane on the table, undressing his vest to lay it over Y/n's shoulders, before picking up his things and walking up the stairs to his attic, leaving behind the others with surprised expressions.
There they had it, Kaz Brekkers softest side.
@renataligorio @kaqua @magravenwrites @corpsebasil
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goldengoddess · 6 months ago
dating kaz brekker headcanons
request(s): Hi!! I loveee your matthias head cannons!!! If requests are open, can we get some hc’s of dating Kaz? / Dating Kaz headcanons? 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
a/n: i’ve been scared of writing this because i dont think i can do kaz justice but i shall do my best 
warnings: cursing, teasing threats, kaz’s trauma 
kaz brekker is the definition of ‘touch her and i’ll kill you’ bf 
he's really protective 
even though he knows you could kick ass if you needed 
for a long time he couldn’t admit how much he needed you 
so instead of saying it 
he’d threaten anyone who looked at you wrong 
or he’d leave your favorite cake on your desk 
he never said it was him, but who else knew about your love for red velvet 
or he’d nudge you with his cane if he could tell you were having a hard day
he’d do everything but tell you he loved you 
so one day you sat him down 
all business 
you know 
speaking his language 
and told him that you cared about him and you wanted more 
you’d never seen kaz brekker smile so much 
after that things were different between the two of you 
but kaz insisted on keeping your relationship a secret 
because he knew his enemies could use you against him 
people who’d hurt you to hurt him 
you were his weakness 
and for your safety, he would admit it
but your friends obviously knew 
it was hard to keep the longing glances across the room hidden from a bunch of trained criminals 
“jesus fuck we know already, just sit next to each other i can’t take anymore of this”
jesper’s comment caused kaz brekker himself to blush 
but all of your friends loved the two of you together
they loved seeing kaz happy
and of course they loved teasing kaz 
“so brekker, have you gone soft now?”
“nina zenik i will bury you where you stand if you don’t shut up”
he’d only gone a little soft 
but all of this hiding was not good for a man like kaz brekker 
a man who got jealous like kaz brekker 
he’d stare bullets into the man talking to you at the crow club 
growling about how stupid he looked to jesper all night 
you could practically feel kaz’s glare 
you’d excuse yourself from the man trying to flirt with you 
striding across the club’s floor 
smug and smirking 
he’d roll his eyes at you 
“c’mon dirtyhands, admit it. you were jealous.”
he saved his most vulnerable moments for you 
laying his head in your lap as you both talked strategy
usually he fell asleep with your fingers in his hair 
he’d wake up embarrassed and a little shaky
some days were better than other with kaz 
communication felt like an obstacle the two of you never managed to overcome 
“saints kaz, just talk to me” you’d plead as turned away from you 
“get out.” he’d all but growl 
there were days he could touch you 
and days he couldn’t 
you knew he hated himself for it 
thought you deserved better 
better than this on and off panic he couldn’t control 
but you didn’t love him less
you didn’t need him to kiss you for you to know he loved you 
he’d rip a mans eyeball out for you if you needed it 
those bad days usually ended with the two of you sat on the floor together 
“i’m sorry” 
the first time he’d whispered it, you’d cried
because kaz brekker did not say sorry 
then you’d force him to stay up late
so you could remind him over and over 
that you loved him despite this 
loved the parts of him that couldn’t handle big crowds or touching 
he loved reading to you 
and you loved hearing him speak 
it woke you up and lulled you to sleep at the same time 
you liked sitting on his bed while he counted kruge at his desk 
he’s ask for your advice while planning heists
letting you in on his own underlying schemes 
if you ever got hurt while on a job 
his whole demeanor would change
and as much as you reassured him you were okay 
he would insist on cleaning you up himself 
every time he saw you flinch in pain 
his anger towards whoever hurt you would grow 
and that person would pay 
“i’ll kill them” he would mutter, wrapping the cut on your arm 
he called you angel 
it started as a joke 
a teasing remark as he gave your pointers on your fighting 
“put your arms up, i know you can do better than that angel”
it shouldn’t have stuck 
but it did 
slipping from his lips as he invited you to lay with him 
“come here angel”
it made your stomach flutter 
and from then on you were dubbed angel 
to him and him only obviously 
he’d keep everything you ever gave him in a box 
the letter from when you went away a couple of weeks
or the ticket from the bakery that served your favorite sweet rolls
even the scarf you left in his room one night 
the two of you were so glued to the hip 
that you started copying some of his mannerisms 
even his faces 
“holy shit, they’re both using the scheming face”
the bastard of the barrell surprisingly makes a good boyfriend 
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magpiencrow · 6 months ago
Don’t Let Go
kaz brekker x reader - don’t let go
summary/request: “Oki hiiiiii can I request a Kaz x reader where hes forced to touch her in some way like shes dangling from a building and he catches her/helps her up?  And/or one where he’s alone with her, helping her when she’s hurt and has to stop her from fighting him while he hurts her to stitch it up?  Maybe knowing about his aversion to touch there’s some guilt on her part with some “Don’t be stupid of course I’ll help.”  Whether they’re close or newly crushing is up to you, thank youuu.  Sorry it’s so long - 💛”
warnings: typical six of crows stuff, heights/falling, slight best friend!jesper fahey x reader, kaz endlessly pining
word count: 2k
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     “Walking on a roof is so not a Jesper talent!” Jesper complained, his voice barely audible over the wind.
     The walkway along the building's roof was thin, a foot at the max, but if Inej could do it with ease - the others could manage, right?  Kaz thought so when this route became their only method of escape.  Now he scolded himself for forgetting that his crew could occasionally become a band of babbling and bumbling idiots.  That paired with a vicious wind felt like a recipe for disaster.
     “There must be another way!” Matthias groaned, calling out over the wind that whipped around them.
     “There is no other way.” Kaz yelled back, not daring to look over his shoulder at the Fjerdan, for fear of throwing his balance off.
     “Are you sure?”
     Kaz snarkily replied, “No, there was also a tunnel system but I thought this would be nicer - of course it’s the only damn way!”
     The sky was dark, the moonlight just slightly illuminating their very narrow path.  Inej took up the front, skilled as ever, and passed instructions to Y/N who walked directly behind her.  These instructions were then passed to Kaz and made their way down their little train - Jesper, Wylan, Nina, and finally their not so little caboose, Matthias.
     The wind howled violently around them, thrashing at their clothing, just barely almost knocking half of them off the roof.  But they persevered, pushing farther down the little beam.
     Over the wind, Kaz could just barely hear Inej call to Y/N, “Be careful ahead, a bunch of nails are sticking out.”
     The message passed down the line and the group steadily trekked on.  It was difficult, trying to feel for nails sticking out of the wood in the darkness.  They all waved their foot around before they put down a step, making sure they wouldn’t trip or impale their foot.  Someone stepping on a nail or falling off the roof was the last thing they needed right now.
     More often than he’d like to admit, Kaz found himself wanting to reach out to steady Y/N when she began to lose her balance.  His heart jumped every time the girl swayed with the wind.
     “Can you stop that?” Kaz choked out, his eyes glued to the girl’s back.
     “Stop what?”
     “Ditzing around.”
     “I’m feeling for nails Kaz, watch your own feet.” Y/N snapped in response.
     When they first approached the beam, their last option for escape, Kaz originally intended on following Inej himself, then making the others go behind him.  It was only right, he was their leader.  But when he saw how tiny the plank was and how strong the winds were, he realized he wouldn’t be able to turn around to check on the people behind him.
     So instead, he let selfishness rear its ugly head and insisted on Y/N going ahead of him.  Since that moment, he kept his eyes anxiously trained on the girl’s back.  They weren’t close - she was just a Crow and just Jesper’s best friend.  Yet Kaz felt a magnetic pull towards her vibrating in his chest, constantly drawing him closer and closer to her.
     It was exhausting, having to constantly analyze his every action every time she walked into a room.  Her arm was always looped through Jesper’s, the friends giggling like school children, and Kaz had to forcibly redirect his gaze.  Sometimes he felt as though his body and mind were disconnected.  The former always gravitated towards her - his eyes searched for her in every room and without fail he always found himself sitting next to her at meetings or paired together on a heist.  His brain vehemently objected, desperately trying to mentally distance himself from the girl.  A war was raging inside his very body.
     Kaz was horrified at just how debilitating his little obsession was.  During a heist, he was always focused on the mark, his mind spinning with the plans, the back up plans, and the back up plans for the back up plans.  But this time, he found himself heavily distracted.  Instead of his eyes roaming the room for the exit, they were searching amongst the chaos for her.  He knew he had to pull himself together and get over her, but he just couldn’t.  Every inch of his body seemed to scream for her.
     Even now, instead of focusing on his own foot placement, he was solely focused on her.  He flinched every time a powerful wind slammed into them, not worried for his own safety, but for hers.  Kaz quietly placed one foot in front of the other as they continued their little parade.
     “How much further?” He yelled over the wind to Inej.
     The girl took a moment and then responded, “Just a few more steps and then there’s a ladder.  Once we climb down we’ll be on the street.”
     Inej picked up her pace, hurrying ahead, and left her companions far behind her.  Y/N began to increase her speed as well, but she tottled, her feet occasionally nearly slipping off the beam.
     “Easy, easy!  Take it slow people.” Jesper scolded when Nina nearly stepped off the side, a small squeak escaping her mouth.
     As they neared the end of the beam, Kaz could just barely see Inej’s head disappear as she went sliding down the ladder.  It creaked loudly under the strain of Inej’s light frame.  Y/N shifted her weight from foot to foot, clearly nervous about her upcoming descent.
     “Go, your turn.” Kaz commanded and risked a glance over his shoulder, instantly thankful everyone was still there.
     Y/N turned wildly to face him, “Kaz I don’t think-”
     The world slowed when their eyes met.  Y/N’s were wide, filled with fright, as her foot slipped from the edge of the beam.  Her hands desperately reached out for Kaz, attempting to catch hold of his coat as she fell, sliding down the side of the roof.  Everything around him froze, all he could think of was saving her.
     Instinctively, Kaz dove forward, reaching out to grip her hands tightly.  He sighed with relief when he caught them.  Kaz kept himself steady, a knee on either side of the beam, and strained, trying to pull her back up.  He could feel a pair of hands gripping the back of his jacket - Jesper.
     “Kaz, please don’t let go.” Y/N begged, her eyes filled with tears that rolled down her face.
     “I won’t, I promise.” His voice was heavy, desperate and laced with panic.
     His heart beat turbulently, everything was all so overwhelming.  Bile rose in his throat as a vision of her letting go, falling to her death, flashed in his mind.  He felt her fingers begin to slip from his grasp.  Quickly readjusting his grip, he pulled back roughly with a growl.
     Y/N scrambled up the roof, her feet finally finding traction but her hands never leaving Kaz’s.  With another final pull, Kaz quickly moved one arm around her waist, firmly holding her against his body.  She steadied herself, holding onto Kaz like a lifeline until she was certain enough to let go and sit upon the beam next to Kaz.
     Kaz kept his arm around her, his hand absentmindedly moving up and down her side in an attempt to calm her.  His throat felt tight with anxiety while he stared down at the girl next to him.  Behind him, he could hear the others jabbering anxiously, but it was all a blur in comparison to her.  Y/N was gasping, trying to catch her breath as tears flowed freely.  Something deep inside him stirred when the girl leaned against him, exhausted, and peered up to meet his gaze.
     “Thank you.”
     Y/N rushed up the staircase when they reached the Slat, quickly heading off to her room.  Their group split apart, several of them heading off the go grab a drink to drown their nerves.  Shrugging off his jacket and throwing it over a chair, Kaz followed after her without a second thought.
     He paused in her doorway as Y/N flitted about her room, searching for a thread and needle.  Her shirt was raised, the edge caught between her teeth.  As she spun around, her eyes met Kaz and they simultaneously froze.
     The room was thick with silence as he finally stepped over the threshold.  Kaz wasn’t completely sure what he was doing or why he was there, but it just felt right.
     He found himself carefully taking the needle and thread from her fingers, “Let me.”
     Stripping out of his gloves, he easily threaded the needle and eyed her wound.  It felt odd, his hands being so bare and close to someone.  Shaking his head slightly, he pushed it away.  The need to help was overpowering, flooding his senses and overriding that portion of his brain that was scared.
     Y/N’s torso was bloody.  The exposed nails on the roof had burrowed themselves into her skin when she fell and then ripped apart her flesh acting as teeth.  Carefully he reached out, his eyes fluttering up to meet hers, silently asking for permission.  Her eyes were wide with shock, nothing like the emotion her eyes had held on the roof.
     Y/N quickly dropped her shirt and stepped back.  Her voice was strained, “Don’t force yourself.”
     Kaz gulped, “I want to help, truly.”
     He could feel her eyes flicker down to his bare hands, “Kaz you can’t.  Jesper told me about…”  Her voice trailed off and she simply gestured towards his hands.
     “Just let me try.”
     Kaz didn’t know what was driving his actions.  It felt like it was the first time in forever since he had ever done something without thinking it through first.  
     “Kaz, I’m serious - I can do it myself.”
     At her response he glanced down at her hands that violently shook and raised an eyebrow, “With those hands?  Don’t be stupid - I can do this.”
     Y/N leaned back against the wall to steady herself and then gave a tight nod.  Kaz slowly approached her, fiddling with the needle in one hand.  As she raised her shirt to expose the wound, he knelt before her.
     His fingers softly brushed the edges of the wound, drawing in a quick breath at the feeling.  It was a moment of weakness, giving into that fleeting desire for closeness.  He glimpsed up at her and from his view, down upon his knees, Kaz thought Y/N looked heavenly even in her shaken state.
     Carefully he dipped the needle into one edge of the wound, quickly pulling the thread taught.  Y/N gasped, her stomach tensing at the quick inhale.  
     “You’re okay,” he reassured.
     Kaz hated how weak he sounded.  He wasn’t okay at all yet somehow he managed to sound convincingly comforting.  The more his fingers lingered against her skin, the more the grogginess in his head grew.
     He dutifully continued the stitches until each wound was closed perfectly.  Kaz realized the feeling of touching her was equally unnerving and soothing.  His stomach flipped anxiously in sync with the rapid fluttering of his heart.  All at once, he felt weak and triumphant.  
     Under his fingers, Kaz could feel her muscles tremble with pain, he glanced up, finding her eyes squeezed shut.  
     “Y/N, look at me.”
     She shook her head, “Saints, it hurts.”
     Tying the final knot, he dropped the thread and needle and stood to his full height.  His legs quaked beneath him, feeling as though they could give out any moment.  Slowly, he reached out towards her face but dropped his hand once he realized what he was doing.  One step at a time.
     “Look at me, it’s all over.”
     Y/N’s watery eyes opened, staring softly up at him.  Kaz felt his breath hitch, caught in his chest, and stared back, his intense gaze unwavering.  Each moment that passed was at an almost uncomfortable level of intimacy, but for whatever reason, it felt like it was exactly what he needed.
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bookishdream · 7 months ago
Hi, can u do one Kaz Brekker X Reader where he likes the reader's skin, but he is afraid to touch she because of his traumas and hers traumas too, because he noticed how she reacts to other people's touch, but one day he just touches her because he wanted to feel her.
Sorry if got confused, english is not my first language.
thank you for a request, I hope you'll be satisfied with what I came up with! enjoy xx
kaz brekker x fem!reader
He was confused. He didn’t know why he was feeling the way he was. His fingers were itchy, palms getting sweaty every time he saw you. Especially when you showed some skin.
He had this weird urge to touch your hand, to kiss the place where he could feel your heart race, to feel your soft skin pressed to him. He didn’t want to do that in a sexual way, he just wanted to feel every scar and every stretch mark you had. But he knew better than that.
With his phobia and your reaction triggered by even the slightest touch, he knew he shouldn’t have had even a thought in his stupid mind. He was distracted when you were wearing a dress, his eyes were looking you up and down every occasion he had, thinking no one had ever noticed. How of a fool he’d been that whole time.
“I think you should ask her out,” Inej had once said, making him snap out of his thinking. “She’s not that bad, you know.”
“Inej, I appreciate your tries to warm up my heart, but I would have to have one first.” He’d replied, looking down at the money on his desk. He shouldn’t have been surprised, of course the Wraith had seen, she always did.
“What would bad happen if you opened up for someone?” she’d sat on the chair on the opposite of his, her hair braided as always, a little smirk playing on her lips. “You’ve known each other since forever. Also, I think only with her you show some human emotions.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he’d frowned, money in his gloved hands. “Now get out, I need to plan a job.” Inej had only sighed at his words, what a fool he was.
After that conversation, Kaz had been thinking how to avoid you. If you were in the club, he was somewhere in Ketterdam, walking around despite his leg pain. With work it was harder, you all had to work together in order to win over the city, exactly how you and Kaz had planned.
“I think we should kill Pekka Rollins first,” you had said, making an eye contact with Kaz. It was almost two years ago, your hair was shorter, your eyes glowed with sparkles he hadn’t seen ever since. “He’s been a pain in the ass, since I’ve been working in the White Rose.”
“Did he hurt you?” he’d asked, a foolish move, showing how he cared about you. “Touched you in the way he shouldn’t?”
“Kaz, every person who goes there does that.”
He’d sighed, his palms clenching harder on the cane. “I should’ve bought you out the first time I saw you there.”
“Kaz,” you said, touching his hand gently, he hadn’t flinched nor moved. “You bought Inej and both of us know she’s a better help to you than me.”
“You’re right.”
“Of course, I am, darling,” you’d squeezed his palm, letting go after a few seconds. “Now, I shall go. Boss will be angry if I don’t come back on time.”
“Be careful.” He’d pleaded, his voice barely detectable.
“Always am.”
He hadn’t got any idea why you were making him soft, you two had met after he came to Ketterdam. He remembered how beautiful you’d seemed that day, your hair loose, arms high above your head, and you were laughing. That sound he hadn’t forgotten. The pure laughter that had gotten out of you was a thing he still repeated in his head, years after he heard that last time. You never laughed again. Never got this spark in your eyes. Your smile never reached them as well.
“Kaz?” you knocked on the door leading to his room. “I need to talk to you.”
“Come in,” he replied, looking up at you. You had dark circles under your eyes, they were tired. You barely walked. “What is it?”
You took out a pouch, Kaz heard coins jingling in it. “I need you to buy me out.”
Shock made its way to Kaz’s face, you had never asked this question before. Even though he was prepared, he had a wad of money in his safe, just in case. He wanted to ask you so many questions but when you looked at him, pressing your hand to your stomach, rage started burning in him. “What did they do to you?”
“Kaz, please, I have money. Just do it.” You tried so hard to keep tears in your eyes, to not show anything.
“I don’t want your money,” he snapped, regretting it seconds after, he sounded too harsh. He got up and opened up his safe, taking out the money. “I am prepared.”
“Thank you,” you said, sitting on his bed. “Can I stay? I kind of don’t have any place to go.”
“Of course, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” With those words, he left, leaving you on your own.
After some time, that you just laid on his bed, trying to not paying attention to the pain you felt in your lower stomach, Kaz came back. His cane was clicking and he opened the door with a short sigh. The owner of the White Rose hadn’t wanted to sell your contract, saying you were his property. Kaz saw red, he’d hit Onkle Felix with the cane and had just taken the paper, leaving less money that it had been needed.
When he entered the room, you were laying on your right side, your back facing the door, you hadn’t changed. Your eyes were closed, but the breath was uneven. Kaz placed his walking stick beside his bed and climbed up on the soft mattress. He wanted so bad to touch you, to remove those hairs which gotten out of your updo, to caress your cheek. He took off his gloves, eyeing his slim, pale fingers. He laid down on his bed, he had your body next to him, he could’ve touched you so easily if he had wanted to.
Without the second thought, he touched your cheek slightly, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. Tracing your jaw line with his finger tip, seeing how calm you looked, how relaxed your body seemed. He removed his finger, testing his boundaries, yours also. He didn’t want to scare you off both by his trauma and yours.
“Don’t stop.” You whispered, gently opening your eyes, your voice raspy.
“Are you okay with that?”
“Kind of, just don’t stop.”
He wanted to pull you closer to him, to hug you properly, but instead, he took your hand in his and just traced small patterns on your palm. You smiled a little, falling asleep, while Kaz was just looking at you, remembering every detail on your face.
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parkersbliss · 6 months ago
My Reason | K. Brekker
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pairing: kaz brekker x female reader
warnings: cursing? maybe slightly out of character?
wc; 2k
synopsis: kaz brekker makes a desperate attempt to protect you, but it backfires for both parties
prompts: 015: “You’re everywhere I go!” 020: “I just wanted you to be happy.”
a/n: kaz brekker: *breathes* me: I LOVE YOU YOUVE DONE NOTHING WRONG MY SWEET CHILD
Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List
You felt like crying.
Scratch that. You were going to cry.
You were going to cry and possibly throw something, anything. You wanted to grab a knife and chuck it at the wall repeatedly until there was a hole.
You wanted the wall to feel the same pain as you.
Like there was a hole in it.
Kaz Brekker, dirtyhands, the bastard of the barrel, shattered your heart. And he probably didn’t even know it or cared.
Kaz only cared, for one thing, money. You couldn’t blame him for that. Money was something necessary in Ketterdam. You needed money to stay alive and above the rest.
But money also puts a sign on your head. A big red blinking sign that probably says something like “big kill, big money.”
You weren’t stupid. You were very well aware of how big of a sign Kaz had on his head. Plenty of people wanted his head on a spike. You almost want to add yourself to the list.
“What?” You asked, voice small.
“Don’t make me repeat it.”
Kaz doesn’t bother to look at you. His eyes stay trained at his desk, filing through paperwork for the slat. He scribbles on them, whether it be a signature or a check.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ve made myself clear.”
“I’m not asking.”
“I don’t want to.”
“(Y/N), this isn’t up for debate.”
“Well, it should be! I should be allowed to have a say in this.”
“You don’t get one!” Kaz said harshly, finally meeting your eyes. “Out.”
You want to refuse, sit there and scream at him for the rest of the night. But you can’t. Kaz Brekker won either way. It doesn’t matter if you sat in his office the rest of the night and argued. His say was final. You would only be denying the inevitable by fighting.
You stand up, blinking through the tears forming in your eyes. The words slip past your lips before you even realize.
“I hate you.”
You slam the door shut behind you, missing the way Kaz’s face drops, and his pen explodes from the force of his grip.
He had kicked you out like that. Stripped you of everything you are. One mission gone wrong, and you were booted back onto the streets of Ketterdam.
He had kicked you from the Dregs.
It wasn’t even your fault. You didn’t understand his reasoning. You got shot, and the next thing you know, as soon as you've recovered, you’re alone.
And honestly, if Pekka Rollins himself asked you to murder Kaz, you just might. The Dregs weren't a gang; they were a family. They were home to you.
A home that you hadn’t had in a while, but it wasn’t just the Dregs. It was Kaz Brekker. The bastard of the barrel was also the person that held your heart in his hands. He was the person you went to at midnight when you didn’t know what else to do.
He was the person that listened to you.
He was your person.
But you weren’t his.
You grabbed the knife off the table and throw it as hard as you can at the wall.
You miss.
You grab the knife, wiping away the tears blurring your vision, and aim again. This time it lands in the wall. You clutch it and throw it again.
And again.
And again.
The Crow Club is still as lively as ever as you walk past it. You contemplate going inside, but you know better. A shadow catches your eye behind you, but there’s no one out here but you.
And yet, you can’t shake the feeling of being watched. Then again, any member of the Dregs was constantly being watched.
You shrugged it off.
Work was easy to find in a place like Ketterdam. It was also easy as one of the top assassins. You busied yourself in easy missions with easy targets.
It was the one thing in your life that remain stable. It was after one of these missions while cleaning your knife, did you see her.
The said girl steps out of the shadows, silent as ever, and pulls down her face covering. “Hey.”
“What are you doing here?”
“The same thing as you.”
You use your knife to gesture to the dead man on the floor, and she nods.
“Looks like I beat you to it,” You joke, tucking your knife away and rolling your shoulders.
“It would appear so.”
You want to ask how everything is, and despite every bone in your body, how Kaz is.
But instead, you turn around to leave.
“We miss you,” Inej blurts.
You freeze, letting your shoulders fall. “I miss you guys, too.”
“He’s an idiot.”
“You don’t have to tell me that.”
Inej nods, stepping back into the shadows, and you leave, an aching in your heart.
But that wasn’t the last time you ran into Inej. You saw her everywhere after that and nowhere at the same time. At first, you didn’t mind, but then it became unsettling.
You felt like you were being watched in your own home, but there was no one. It was hard to explain. You always saw her in town, but the feeling of being watched couldn’t be shaken when you got home.
You didn’t know how to explain it. You wanted to call her out on it, but you said nothing.
Until you did catch her in your house.
You let her off with a warning by throwing a knife into her corner. It was never going to hit her, neither of you would allow it, but she stepped out after that.
You raise an eyebrow at her. “What are you doing?”
“Checking on you.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“I’m just looking out-”
“You’re everywhere I go!” You shout, “Everywhere, Inej. If you wanted to look out for me, you could use the door and ask!”
“I’m sorry,” The Suli girl said.
You pinch the bridge of your nose, sighing. You feel bad for yelling at her. Inej was one of your closest friends, and she was only looking out for you. “Inej, it’s fine I just-”
“It’s Kaz.”
“Kaz?” You question, voice softening.
“He wants to know that you’re okay, and not dead. Every time you go on a mission, he sends me as unofficial backup.”
“I can take care of myself. If he’s so worried about my safety, he shouldn’t have kicked me out in the first place," You snap.
“Maybe you should tell him that.”
You turn to face Inej, but when you do, she’s gone.
Kaz? This was his doing? You didn’t believe her, but you also knew she wouldn’t lie. You sit on the edge of your bed, staring out the window. Kaz wants to know if you’re okay.
Kaz Brekker, the man that kicked you from the Dregs wants to make sure you’re okay. The thought should be comforting, but it’s more infuriating to you. At first, you thought maybe he had changed his mind, but this was worse. He didn't trust you to take care of yourself or respect you in the slightest.
You were angry at him. You didn’t understand why, and he refused to tell you. He was so stuck up, thinking that keeping his feelings from others would make him appear stronger.
But the strongest thing anyone can do is admit them.
You stand up, grabbing your knife from the wall and tucking it into your belt.
There was someone you needed to see.
It’s bitter cold outside, biting and chilling. It forces you to walk faster towards the Slat. No one questions you when you walk in; it’s normal to them.
In fact, they look happy to see you.
Jesper’s eyes light up, and he goes to hug you, but Wylan pulls him back.
“That’s her pissed-off face.”
“I would wear earplugs if I were you,” Nina warns, “(Y/N) doesn’t back down from a fight and certainly not with Kaz.”
You make no comment and step past them, making your way up to his office.
You don’t bother knocking and throw open the door, eyes blazing.
Kaz’s head snaps up from his work, equally pissed that someone dared to open his door without permission, but then his eyes soften.
“You’re supposed to knock first, you know that,” Kaz said sharply.
You roll your eyes, slamming the door behind you. Nina smirks as she sits with the other crows outside the door, all wearing earplugs to reduce the sound of your screaming that's bound to come.
“I don’t care about your petty rules, Brekker.”
Venom drips from your voice, and Kaz sets down his pen, leaning back in his chair. “Is there something you want?”
“An explanation.”
“I can’t offer you that.”
“Kaz, you promised.”
His lip twitches ever so slightly at that.
“You promised me this. We made a deal. And Kaz Brekker goes through with all his deals.”
Kaz is silent. He’s at a loss for words. Dirtyhands did not have the upper hand here, and it seemed he was finally stunned.
“You can’t just send Inej out to watch over me after you kicked me out, okay? If you don’t have an explanation, at least let me live the rest of my life without you watching over.”
You sigh, pushing the tears back, ready to make your way out of the slat for the last time, but then he speaks. His voice is raspier than usual but soft, almost like a whisper.
“I just wanted you to be happy.”
“Happy?” You scoff. “Why would that ever make me happy?”
“It was a way out.”
“Out of what, Kaz?”
“This!” He shouts, standing up and gesturing to the walls around you both. “This lifestyle of doing the dirty work to survive and always having a sum of money plastered on your forehead.”
“I don’t want out!”
“It was a way for you to escape…. to escape me.”
There’s silence as you process his words. You wanted to be angry at Kaz and continue to lash out at him, but you understand. He had given you your reason, and you're damned because it's a good one.
But you didn't want to escape him. Kaz was the only reason you stayed in Ketterdam; he was the thing that kept you grounded here. He was your person.
“Why would I ever want that?”
“You hate me.”
You shake your head, “Kaz-”
He cuts you off, switching topics. “This lifestyle isn’t meant for you.”
“It’s not meant for any of us.”
“I gave you a chance.”
“You gave me a reason.”
“A reason?”
Kaz waits for an answer, but you’re afraid to give it. The hardest thing anyone can do is admit their feelings. And you're unsure if you're strong enough to face them.
Kaz Brekker was stone cold, and you don't know if he'd drop the facade, even for you.
“You are the reason I deal with this lifestyle,” You finally said, voice barely above a whisper as you feel the weight lift from your shoulders. “Because it’s worth it. You are worth it.”
“I am not worth anything,” Kaz dismissed.
“Kaz Rietveld, you are worth everything to me.”
The boy freezes, and you take a step forward, placing your hand inches from his. Your heart beats madly in your chest, and you feel like you're suffocating as you wait for an answer, a reaction, anything. You expect him to pull away, but he doesn't. He stares at your hand inches from his on his desk.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers.
“It’s okay,” You said.
His eyes meet yours, and you can see the fear in them. His hands are shaky, but he manages to take yours in them. He still wears his gloves, and your hands are just barely resting on top of his, but it means enough to you.
“You’re worth everything to me,” he repeats back to you.
Your heart bursts in your chest as Kaz squeezes your hand lightly. The action means everything to you.
Nina screams in triumph with the rest of the crows outside the door.
You and Kaz laugh, still holding his hand.
And at that moment, you know, you are his everything, and he is yours.
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herxondale · a month ago
— Fool's Gold.
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Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader.
In which Kaz has no right to be jealous. But you remind him that he could.
Requested: Yes.
Warnings: None, I guess? If you happen to see one, please let me know!
W/C: 2K.
A/N: Gahhhh, I'm so excited! I won't prolong myself much, but I must say that Kaz is my favorite male character of all times, so I did wrote more than expected. Comments, reblogs and likes are always welcomed! My requests are also open! (Fool's Gold is a song! I wrote this piece while listening to it and thought they matched!)
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Stuck in the Barrel for years, it was difficult for you to see the beauty of Kerch island's trade center. However, at that moment, strolling through the colorful tents whose sellers advertised the most diverse goods, you understood what attracted so many tourists. Kaz, on the other hand, seemed unimpressed. You wondered if Dirtyhands' affection for Ketterdam came from the fact that he conquered it brick by brick, with his own efforts, or if there was any emotional attachment to the traditions, the dances, the colors.
"Don't look so sulky, it's just a small change of path," you said. Somehow, he looked even more bored.
"We were supposed to be at the Slat already," Kaz argued. You rolled your eyes.
You must've rolled your eyes a thousand times in your life just because of Kaz Brekker.
"And the Slat is two blocks ahead, turning left."
"Because we took the longer route."
You ignored him, deciding to occupy yourself with the tents, assimilating the colors and costumes with a certain admiration. When turning to face Kaz, you found him doing the same, and your daring answer died on your lips.
Still, you desperately tried to break the silence that accompanied the exchange of looks. "Why are you so upset about taking this path anyway?"
A shadow passed through Kaz's face. The shadow of a stubborn and terrible memory, one that insisted on accompanying him, perhaps as a sadistic joke from the Saints. It was the sort of shadow that you knew well yourself.
However, he changed his expression so quickly, that if you did not know him as the pages of your favorite book, you would've pondered the possibility of imagining it all.
"We went to buy ammunition. We're keeping them in our pockets, armed to the teeth."
You couldn't help a laugh from escaping your lips. "I'm walking with a pistol, five throwing knives, and a small bladed sword. You're walking with this devilish cane that could easily be considered one of the most dangerous weapons on the island, and you're worried about ammunition?"
He stared with a fond eye. Then, as if noticing what he was doing, Kaz returned to his typical stoic and disinterested look.
You shrugged. "You didn't have to go with me, you know? I'm perfectly capable of walking to the sweets tent by myself."
"It is not your safety that worries me," you scoffed. "The last time you ventured through the tents, you spent almost all your money on a pound and a half of assorted sweets."
"It was worth it," you argued confidently.
"And you ate it all on the same day."
"Because they were good!"
"Then, you couldn't sleep and showed up in my office with chocolate-brown teeth, determined to spend the night planning our next job with me."
You smiled, the memory filling you with contentment. "Not only did you love my company, but we also created your brightest plan since DeKappel. Which, I should add, I also helped prepare."
The corners of Kaz's lips trembled, fighting a battle against the smile that threatened to escape. "May I know when you helped me with the DeKappel plan?"
"When you said: let's turn left, and I answered: I don't think that's the best direction. And I was right."
A small smile formed on Kaz's lips, and he lowered his head, trying to hide it. You thought that you'd never be graced with the sight of Kaz Brekker blushing. But you'd be lying if saying it wasn't one of the most beautiful sights in the world.
"[Name]!" Called one of the sweets tent's vendor, separating you from your thoughts.
You smiled politely. "Kemp, hi! How are you? Have your mother's migraines got any better?"
When you approached the tent, Kemp immediately began to weigh your sweets, without having to ask what they would be. He knew your favorites, considering how often you spent your money there in secret.
"We gathered enough kruge to contact a healer. He managed to soften the migraines, but it was temporary. Ended up recommending a strong remedy."
"I'm sorry to hear about that," you answered honestly. He passed you the sweet's bag.
"It's alright," Kemp smiled.
He began to scratch his nape, nervously pondering his next words. When he seemed to find the necessary courage and opened his mouth to speak, Kaz interrupted him.
"How much did it cost?" Kemp blinked, as if only noticing him now.
You stared at Kaz, eyebrows furrowed. All the good humor from before was gone. He now had a closed expression—hard eyes, lips clasped in a thin line. The same expression that had given him a terrible reputation.
Kemp stuttered before answering. "T-twenty kruge."
You knew the price was terribly low. The last time you came, you had paid a higher price for the same amount of sweets. Even with the small courtesy that Kemp discounted from the bag's weight, there was no way the price would lower so much. You concluded that, to escape Kaz's gaze, Kemp had said the first number that came to his head.
With a sigh, you searched for your wallet, but Kaz reacted faster. He placed the notes with such force on the counter that the surface shook. That was the maximum of external emotion you had seen him express in front of strangers, and somehow, you knew it was nothing compared to what was hidden in the shadows.
You both watched in awe as Kaz grabbed the bag from your hands and limped towards the Slat. You collected your thoughts, turning to Kemp with an apologetic smile.
"Thanks for the sweets. See you next time?"
He nodded, but you were already cutting through the crowd while trying to reach Kaz, who mingled in between the locals and tourists. His steps were hurried, and you had to keep up. Kaz had that stubborn and frequent look that implied nothing but hatred. The last time you saw it, was when a man tried to slip his thumb through your cleavage. The same man appeared dead and without his fingers the next morning.
Feeling as if you needed to do something to break the silence, you started "You didn't have to—"
His hand clenched the cane tightly. The sweets bag trembled between his fingers, and you were stunned at how angry Kaz seemed to be from such a simple interaction.
The situation has not improved. As you entered the Slat and felt the familiar scent and sound of the place, Jesper reached you in moments, placing his arm over your shoulders.
"[Name], love, my melody of the spring, my sweet—"
He stopped. By your side, Kaz's jaw tightened. When he dared to speak, his voice came muffled because of his gritted teeth. "Enjoy your sweets, [Name]."
Kaz extended the bag. You were careful to pick it up, but your fingers came into contact with his through the leather gloves. Without another word, he went to his office.
Jesper whistled. "Problems in paradise?"
You groaned. "You have no idea."
He guided her to a table farther from the others—as far as possible, considering that the Slat was like any other place in Ketterdam: a pile of bodies, spending money and falling into the traps armed by the smartest. Jesper asked for two shots of alcohol, which soon became three, since Inej joined the table of romantic lamentations. In particular, yours.
"Spill it, love," said Jesper.
You cracked your knuckles. "I want to kill him. And revive him. And kiss him. And kill him again."
Inej smiled. "Seems precisely how it feels to love Kaz."
Then, you narrated the last few months. About how it felt to be getting somewhere, making some progress, only to find another wall. "Nothing holds me here. I could take my stuff, get on a ship and disappear. I was raised as a nomad, I can get used to it again. But I stay. For you guys, for him, for a possibility, with him, I stay."
"You don't have to," said Inej. You held her hand.
"I'll keep kicking your door every day in the morning because the best coffee here is yours. Don't try to get rid of me. I won't make it easy."
She laughed. "I really hope so."
An outrageous gasp came from Jesper. "No hand holding for Jesper? After all the jealousy I provoked in Kaz on purpose to push the beginning of your relationship?"
You punched him with all your strength, but a smile was adorning your lips. You stared at the bag filled with the most diverse types of sweets, and sighed.
"If I make him swallow that bag, will you protect me from the consequences?"
"Absolutely," said Inej.
"Count my revolvers in," voiced Jesper.
You giggled while getting up from your chair. "You better be serious, I won't go down on my own."
The last thing you heard before disappearing upstairs was Jesper's scream, standing out in the music and voices of the crowd. "Go get him, doll!"
You jumped the ladder's steps, too anxious to stop. However, the instant you paused in front of Kaz's office door, your fist froze mid air. You took a few steps back, slowly moving away, towards the opposite side of the corridor.
If you did this now, how many weeks would drag in silence, where neither of you dared to take the first step?
You couldn't stand it. You turned on your heels, prepared to open the door and force him to talk to you, no matter how awkward it might be.
You raised your fist. At the same instant, the door opened, and on the inside was Kaz, looking as surprised to see you as you were to see him.
"Hi," you breathed with wide eyes, feeling stupid for your next phrase. "Sweets?"
The hallway was dark and quiet. You wondered if that was just a coincidence. If Kaz ever intended to find you, to look for you in the crowd. Maybe he was going to call you from the stairs, claiming that he needed help planning a job. And you would accompany him; you would ignore the afternoon's occurrences and the accelerated compass of your hearts whenever your fingers brushed, because a small infinity with him was better than nothing at all.
"I didn’t know if you still wanted to talk to me," he confessed, allowing you to enter.
You closed the door as he limped towards the table. "I wanted to talk to you. I always do."
Kaz stopped. When he turned and tried to speak, he choked on his own words, as if logic struggled until its last moments to stop him from letting you in.
"You don't have the right to be jealous. You don't have the right to be mad."
"I know," Kaz said, with clenched teeth and fists.
You took a step further. He didn't withdraw. "But you could have."
Another step. Very few inches separated you. There was nothing gentle, subtle, or sweet in the way you looked at each other, in the way your breaths blended into one. When your lungs inflated with air, by millimeters of agony, your chests ceased to touch. It was desperate, new, and almost agonizing, like squeezing the palm of your hand into the thorns of a rose only to inhale the flower's scent.
"I can't be what you deserve," he vocalized. You felt the air escaping from his lips, caressing your cheek. "I cannot provide you with an anxious meeting with your in-laws; I cannot pass my arms over your shoulders. All I can do is burn the world for your sake and hope that's enough."
You raised your head, he lowered his. No inch of skin touched, but there was something terribly intimate about knowing that his breathing invaded your lungs and vice versa.
"And I can't be your sweet girl, with white dresses, an innocent past and a protective family. I can't be your princess, you can't be my prince charming on a white horse. Would you still have me anyway?"
You did not dare to close your eyes, enjoying the moment, memorizing every trace, every scar, every shade in his eyes. He was a piece of art.
"Completely. Absolutely. Entirely. Without hesitating for a second."
You smiled. "Then tell me to stay, and I'll stay here for as long as you'll have me."
He tore off one of the gloves and brought his hand closer to your face. Kaz did not dare to touch you, instead, he felt the warmth of your skin as much as the proximity allowed him. The tip of one of his fingers found the strands of your hair, and your whole body seemed to burn.
Then, you would stay. You and your one and a half pound of sweets.
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maybanksslut · 6 months ago
𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞 || 𝐤.𝐛.
pairing: kaz brekker x reader
word count: 1.1k
warning(s): surprisingly, none! except mentions of trauma
summary: I don't know. it's just a lot of Kaz and reader interaction topped with a sprinkle of fluff and soft!Kaz
dedicated to my bestie @swanimagines happy birthday jen <3 I really hope u enjoy the surprise!
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“I don’t like this plan. It’s a bad idea, Kaz”
Kaz only shook his head at your statement, a frown on his face. “It’s a million kruge, (y/n), it’s worth it.”
“It’s not worth it if we die!”
“We’re not gonna die. I’ve got this under control”
His stern voice showed no doubt, no hesitation as he spoke. His icy blue eye bore into yours as the words left his mouth, like a reassurance that everything would be okay. Yet you worried about the plan and its rate of success. It was a little too small for your liking.
“Besides,” he leaned forward as if to prove his point. “If you don’t like any of my plans, why do you still bother to be part of the crows?”
You took a deep breath, crossing your arms over your chest as if that’d protect you from his infiltrating stare. Truth was, you were never a part of the crows because of the plans, or the money. It was for the company. You’d grown to love the people around you; they were like a family to you, and it was unbearable to even think of leaving them.
Inej was your intelligent and sly sister, Jesper was your funny brother. And Kaz... who even was he to you? That was a question you seemed to ask yourself more and more often. He was your boss, your leader, your... friend? Was he your friend? It was hard to know with him; expressing feelings wasn’t exactly his strong suit.
One thing you did know, though, was that you felt something towards him. Something stronger than you’d ever felt for anyone else. You just didn’t what exactly this piercing feeling was.
You shrugged your shoulders in response to his question. “We have shared trauma”
“You’re the cause of the trauma,” Jesper said, trying to release some of the tension in the atmosphere. You and Inej let out a laugh at his statement, even Kaz’s lips curved slightly into a shadow of a smile. “Either way, this is a million kruge we’re talking about, (y/n). I’m up for the challenge.”
“You’re up for any challenge, even if it means dying, Jesper” Inej stated, raising her brows and earning a chuckle from you. The boy only rolled his eyes, standing up from the chair he was sitting in.
“That’s it,” Kaz cleared his throat. “I declare this meeting finished.”
Inej and Jesper were eager to leave the room, probably already on their way to the Crow Club. Although the meeting was over, you stayed in your chair as you kept your gaze on Kaz. He, on the other hand, seemed in deep thought, an expression of wonder on his face.
If Kaz knew you stayed, he didn’t acknowledge it, still buried deep in his thoughts. A silence settled in the air, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. With Kaz, it never was. You loved that about him; he made it easy to stay quiet. Sometimes the silence could say more than words.
You took the time to admire him; taking in his sharp features as you pondered what he was thinking about. Kaz was undoubtedly attractive, his rare smile enough to make you feel weak, but what was the most intriguing thing about him, was his mind.
His mind that held all the movies of his childhood and history, which you knew nothing about. He was hard to figure out, and you accepted that. You were willing to wait for his trust because you knew that it would be worth it.
“What’re you thinking about?”
Kaz slowly turned his head to look at you. “Why do you want to know?”
You sighed with a smile, expecting the exact answer he gave you. You rose from the chair, walking over to him and standing a meter or two away from him. He cozied a brow at your closeness but didn’t say a word, awaiting you to speak first.
Yet you didn’t. Not at first, at least. You let the silence speak for you; a mix of emotions lay in the air.
“Tell me something about yourself”
“Like what?”
“What’s your favourite colour?”
Kaz suck in a breath, finally moving his gaze away from you as he put his hands together. Did he mind the question? Did it bother him? You didn’t know, his eyes showed no slightest reaction to it.
“I don’t have one,” he finally replied.
You felt a sting of annoyance; why couldn't he just open up to you a little? Sure, he had trust issues, but you'd proven yourself in many occasions and there was rarely a thing he didn't know about you. Was it really that heard to see you really cared for him? That it wasn't an act, and that you wouldn't ever betray him?
Standing up to leave, your heart slightly aching from his discard of your attempt at earning his trust, Kaz spoke again:
“But I like the colour of your eyes.”
You couldn’t help but smile a little. It was captivating, really, how seven small words could make butterflies swarm in your stomach and make you feel on top of the world. Seven words, not even laced with particular admiration or kindness, but they still had that effect on you that made you feel dizzy.
“I like the colour of your eyes, too”
His orbs met your gaze yet again, and they seemed to look right through your soul. You felt like an open book for him to read, but it didn’t make you feel vulnerable or scared. Rather... free, in some sense. Like you’d finally managed to tell someone a secret that had been bugging you for a long time.
It was at that moment that you realized. Realized what exactly that strong feeling towards Kaz truly was. It wasn’t hatred, nor was it respect. It was love. True, passionate love. It felt like enlightenment, almost, to think of it like that. And to think you’d felt that way for so long, without even realizing it.
Everything made sense now that you’d admitted it to yourself. You had simply fallen for Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, the best thief of them all. Perhaps this information should’ve frightened you, but it didn’t. Nothing could top the ecstatically running through your veins in that very moment.
“Kaz?” You asked, trying your hardest to suppress your emotions from being laced to your voice. “I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s why I don’t like the plan. I’m afraid you’ll get hurt”
Perhaps it was only a mere illusion, but it appeared that Kaz’s gaze softened, and you could sense the beginning of a smirk on his face. “I’m the best thief in Ketterdam, (y/n), I won’t get hurt.”
taglist: @shadesofvelma @swanimagines @lxncelot @harrypottertwilighter @iwritesiriusly @cityofstaars @rafaelina-casillas @siegethestorm
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yesimwriting · 7 months ago
The Promise of Rain
A/n finally writing that Kaz Brekker x reader angsty-fluff where the reader is all sunshine-y and Kaz is dramatic as always lol 
Might make this a blurb series bc i like this dynamic so much lol
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x sunshine-y reader 
Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Kaz has a conversation with the reader (who’s a runaway princess) about what happens to people who stay near him. 
He once said that he didn’t believe in Saints. A moment later he conceded that perhaps they existed in order to appease Inej, but he was quick to tact on that if Saints existed they didn’t care about him. Inej and I had exchanged a look, she pleaded with me in silence to let him be. I opened my mouth despite the look in her eyes, but he had walked away before I could get any words out. 
He believes that the Saints don’t care about him, but as soon as he was dragged in by Jesper, bleeding and more broken than usual, it had started to rain. The rain is a promise. The rain is a sign that he will wake up. 
I tap a finger against the forgotten book on my lap, ignoring the dried blood I’ve been too anxious to wash off. When Kaz wakes up he’ll either scold me or partially tease me for waiting here by his bedside. The rain continues, cascading down invisible hope. 
“Save your prayers, even for you the Saints won’t regard me.” Kaz. His voice is raspier than it should be and his slight condescension is blighted by the tired flatness of it. But it’s him. He’s speaking. 
I tear my gaze away from the window, almost forgetting to tamper down my relief before finally looking at him. I haven’t known him long enough to see him in any level of defeat, but I’ve heard enough stories. The fictional exaggeration of those that fear him have made him seem so immortal. Some part of me must have internalized that because to see him like this, to see him so human is too intimate. 
“Don’t be so narcissistic.” Something about Kaz always leaves me feeling challenged, like each comment is some kind of dare. I adjust my posture. “I wasn’t praying because I knew you’d be okay.” 
His expression is unchanging. “So much faith in me?” 
There’s a soft edge to his words, an attempt to twist some kind of awkward denial out of me. Some days I don’t think Kaz enjoys anything and then other days I think he enjoys any misstep in my words. 
I shrug, pushing down the flood of relief still attempting to crawl out of my chest. “You’re always okay.” I scratch the back of my wrist idly. “It seems the safe bet.” 
“Don’t tell me you’ve been taking gambling advice from Jesper.” 
I half roll my eyes. “No--Jesper and I don’t play together anymore.” I let out an easy sigh. “Last time I beat him he bordered on a hissy fit.” There’s the slightest hint of upturning at the corners of his lips. “I should go tell Jesper and Inej you’re awake.” 
“I think you should change out of that dress first.”
He was more likable when I thought he might die at any second. “Wow--Kaz Brekker the professional stylist.” He has no right to judge the formal gown I’m in. Yes, my outfit is ridiculous, but I’m only wearing it because the Crows needed someone they knew at a merchant’s party for a part of some scheme they wouldn’t share the details of with me. “Yes, I’m aware that this dress is more tulle than anything else, but I’m only wearing it because I was helping you.” 
I wait for some retort about how he could have managed without my assistance or some kind of comment about how I didn’t need such a large dress to flirt and distract the guards as the Crows snuck into the merchant’s private office. “You fit in there more than you said you would.” 
From anyone else, I’d consider this an insult. “I was making an effort for the sake of your plans.” 
“I saw you before I went into the office, you knew the dances, the man took your hand.” 
That’s the weirdest observation I’ve ever witnessed someone reflect on. “That’s how those dances tend to work.” I don’t hide the confusion in my expression. “How much blood did you lose?” 
Kaz’s piercing gaze drops to the blanket on his lap. “Not a concerning amount.”
“Why do I feel like we have different definitions of ‘concerning’?” 
His eyes flit upwards, a partial smirk playing at his lips. “We define a lot of things differently.” He pauses, “You defined the life you slipped into so easily tonight as something you could never do.” 
“I can’t.” What is his problem? “One dance is different than an eternity of planning teas and marrying some man who only keeps me so I can rear his children.” 
“You’d end up marrying someone who could give you things.”
He better not be implying I should be having children. I’m seriously starting to hope he did lose a significant amount of blood because that would be some kind of explanation. “I don’t want anyone to be giving me children right now, but I guess your concern is ni--”
“No, no,” he screws his eyes shut for a long second, “You know what I meant.” I stay silent. “You’re technically a princess, y/n, you could have more than the Barrel.” There’s an odd silence as he pauses. “Someone like you should have more than the Barrel.” 
He speaks like his word is law. That’s the one habit of his I can never seem to forgive. Is Kaz telling me to go home? To go back to a mother who dreams of marrying me off and a father with a temper that often leads to violence? He may be Dirtyhands, but he is no one to tell me who to go back to. Not after I risked my anonymity to get him into that merchant’s office. 
I shut my book and stand in one swift motion. “I’m going to tell Jesper and Inej that you’re awake.”
“Y/n.” I ignore him. “Y/n.” Again, I ignore him, approaching the doorway. The rustling of sheets leaves me frozen, hand on the doorknob. “Y/n.” 
Without thinking, I turn on my heels while glaring. There’s no way he’s proud enough to have climbed out of bed wi--and he’s standing. Standing almost directly behind me. 
“Kaz Brekker, I am going to say this one time and one time only.” I keep my words measured and my tone flat. No room for argument. “You just had nine stitches put in near your heart, get your ass back in bed before that is no longer your only injury.” 
He pauses, lips pressed together into a tight white line. And then his mouth opens, pried open by an oddly light sound. Did he just--Did Kaz Brekker just laugh? He doesn’t laugh. I didn’t think he was physically capable, and now he laughs while I’m threatening him? I should hit him on principle alone and damn the consequences. 
“Did you--” I’m gaping at him with a rage I am not accustomed to. “Did you just laugh?” 
Kaz is quick to shut his mouth. “You did swear you’d get me to laugh one day.” 
Saints--now he chooses to have some kind of sense of humor. “Not while I was threatening you for being an idiot after saying my lineage means that I’m meant to be trapped in the life I desire least.” 
“I didn’t say that.” I raise an eyebrow. “You don’t deserve more than this because of your family, you deserve more than this because--” He cuts himself off with a sharp sigh. “Do you remember what happened the day we met?” 
He had wanted to return me to my father for the money. I had managed to convince him I could be more useful working for him without profit. The first day had been tense, I had sworn to myself that I would hate him forever. 
“I remember really hating you.” I remember thinking him beautiful despite his darkness. “I remember it started raining on our way here.” 
“You had a hood, but you pushed it off your head to feel the rain.” I don’t remember that because indulging in the rain is instinctual to me. “You looked at the rain, and you smiled--and then you saw a woman with a child and you took off your hood and gave it to them.” 
“What does that have to d--” 
“Watching that felt like intruding on an intimate moment I had no business knowing about, but it wasn’t that to you. That moment was nothing to you because that moment was who you are.” 
I don’t understand what he sees in something I can barely remember. “Kaz, what does that have to do with anything?” 
“I’m the monster that children believe live under their beds, I’m the bastard of the Barrel, I’m someone who gets blood on everything near them.” His gaze is harsher than I’ve ever seen it as he focuses on the dried blood splotched across my hands and arms. “And then I can’t even help you wash it off.” 
Those last words are the closest to broken I’ve ever heard him sound. “Kaz--”
“And you’re the girl who looks at the rain like it’s a gift from the Saints.” 
Is he implying what I think he’s implying? Even if I believed him such a source of evil, even if I felt like touch mattered that much--why would he care? I keep the much more frightening implication at bay as I exhale. Clarity will only make this conversation worse. “That doesn’t matter.” The words leave me in a low whisper. 
I stare at the ground until his silence is something I can no longer bear. Looking up as cautiously as possible, I take in his expression. I’ve never seen him look so--so enraged. “It doesn’t matter?!” He doesn’t bother hiding the fact that he’s practically seething. “I’ve viewed your presence here as temporary since you first came and despite that, when I saw you there…” The breath he lets out is practically pained. “When I saw what your life is meant to be--I didn’t want you to go.” 
The admission breaks something hard in my chest. “I never wanted to go.” My eyeline drops to the ground. “I didn’t want to go when you were trying to make me, I didn’t want to go when it was only for that evening.” I swallow a lump of emotion restricting my throat. “When you were bleeding out and Jesper had to carry you back here I let myself imagine what it’d be like if you died. And it hurt. It hurt so badly I asked myself if I would rather never know you than feel that pain.” 
“Would you?” His voice has gone hollow. 
I finally look up again. “No.” That word leaves me more bare than any physical touch ever could. 
“I stain everything that stays with me,” his voice has seamlessly shifted back to a tone meant for business, “Me wanting you to stay is more than enough reason for you to leave.”
My chest aches as emotions I’ll never be able to place a name to pound against my chest. “I’m a princess that ran away from her family and tried to befriend her kidnapper--you can’t possibly be narcissistic enough to believe that you’re what’s corrupted me.” 
“Y/n,” his voice is gravely again, the way it was when he first woke up. 
“No. What could you possibly think I’d say to that?” He’s insane--I’m not even sure I understand what he’s implying. “You know I’ll never agree with what you’re saying, so I have no idea what kind of reaction you’re looking for.”
“Maybe a genuine one.” 
The comment is so frustrating I can’t help but roll my eyes. The irony of Kaz Brekker asking for a genuine reaction to an emotionally heavy comment is almost laughable. “My genuine reaction is that you’re acting like an idiot because I don’t agree with anything you’re saying, but calling someone an idiot after they’ve been stabbed in the chest is a little insensitive so I can’t give you my genuine reaction.”
Kaz half-scoffs, “You don’t agree? Y/n--are you hearing me!? I want--I want you to stay.” Even angry, the admission warms me. He lets out a frustrated sigh. “More than that I want--” 
He shakes his head once. “I want something that can never be because I can’t give what needs to be given to get it.” 
“Kaz, if it involves me staying you don’t need to give anything for that because I don’t want to go.” 
“I-want-you-to-stay-with-me.” The admission is pried from him by some invisible force. He speaks so fiercely the sentence comes out as one angry word. 
He speaks so quickly a part of me is convinced that I misheard him. I watch him as he moves back to the bed, sitting down in a way so resigned I wonder if I blurted something out on instinct. 
“Kaz,” this is embarrassing, “I wanted to stay with you even when I wanted to hate you.”
I take in his measured expression, the only thing implying any kind of reaction is the way his eyebrows draw together. “Don’t say that, you don’t understand what that means.” 
“Why? Because you’re convinced you’ll ruin me?” 
“Y/n, we’d be together with a wall between us, keeping us from ever touching.” 
“I will tolerate any amount of damage you’re so convinced staying with you will bring, I will stay with you and never touch you and think nothing of it--but I will not stay with you just to stand in front of a wall.” I let out a tired breath. “I will stay with you but my one condition will be that you have to let me know you.” 
Kaz’s intense gaze wavers. “The first thing you’ll know is that me allowing you to stay is a testament to my greed.” 
I give him a sharp look, “It’s not greed if I want to be here.” 
He half sighs, leaning against a pillow as he turns to look out the window. “It’s raining,” he muses, “The Saints must have done that for you.” 
The sentiment is so soft my heart feels like it’s constricting. “I thought you didn’t believe in the Saints.” 
“If they exist, they do so for people like you.” 
I push past the emotion in my chest as I move to sit in the same chair I was in earlier. “I was honest when I said I didn’t pray for you.” I scratch the back of my arm, a coldness passing over me. “I didn’t pray because I knew you would be okay because you had to be.” 
“They wouldn’t have saved me,” he mumbles, “Or maybe they would have for you.” 
I shake my head once, staring at the rain with more fascination than before. 
General Taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship
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ilovemarvelanne1 · 2 days ago
(im actually writing your request rn too hehe, + i have a lot of fics to catch up on so im excited <3)
Headcanons on dates with Kaz?
Date Nights
Hi Love! Yes my requests are open and im so excited to read your fic! edit: i loved it!!  Thank you for requesting! I’m sorry this is a bit short!
Taglist: @messers-moony-lupin @mrs-brekker15 @scandalous-chaos @staytrueblue @confuscita @sirisuorionblack @kurogue-nine
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Okay let’s do this!!
-Kaz and you don’t have many dates, which is understandable.
-But when you do you have dates, it’s mostly at coffeehouses or browsing books at bookstores. On very special occasions, he takes you out for a special dinner.
-On the first date, our poor bby was so nervous, he almost dropped his fork down and spilt a drink on his coat.
-He was so embarrassed, you calmed him down and to make him feel better, you spilt your drink on your outfit. He was then convinced that there was no one else for him. goals huh?
-Normally, you have dates in between jobs, or if you’re in a different city or country, you both sometimes disappear and look for a nice coffeehouse and have a quick cup of coffee.
-When Inej and Jesper finally find you both after searching and panicking, Jesper almost started crying. You were both looking at each other over your coffee cups and smiling.
-When you’re in Ketterdam, he takes you to this Bookstore/Coffeehouse that you both love.
-It’s actually where you both met. You were playing with the cat they had and Kaz was drinking a cup of black coffee. You smiled at him and he fell.(not literally.) awwwww.
-So, when you both go to that place, you head straight to the books and Kaz, already having memorized your order perfectly, sighs and orders your coffees.
- you both sit next to each other and read a book, and Kaz’s pulls out his reading glasses. Kaz loves reading mystery and murder, along with the occasional romance. He loved Pride and Prejudice so you bought him a collection of Jane Austen books. He almost cried because it was so thoughtful.
- When you both have fancy-ass dates at restaurants, he goes all out, renting the entire room for the night, and having candles lit, and getting your favourite food made, he needs to show his love for you. You’re his girl after all. ugH adorable
- He’s very protective on dates, because there could be spies, so he always has his gun on him. Sometimes, he holds your hand in one of his and the other near his gun.
-Looks around for signs of danger
- and more so for Jesper and Nina spying for blackmail.
Overall, even though you both have dates rarely, he cherishes those moments where instead of being dirtyhands, he can be himself with you.
I now want a Kaz.
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genyaakostyk · 2 months ago
A/N: am I ignoring my requests in favour of my moots writing challenges? yes, yes I am. Anyway, my darling friend Anastasia (@promenadewithme) reached 400 followers (whoop whoop) and is hosting a writing challenge so, naturally, I had to get involved! I chose found family (obvs), one bed (kaz and one bed, the angst), one gets hurt and the other cleans their wounds (crooked kingdom bathroom scene) and mutual pining but they are both idiots who can't tell they love each other (kaz and literally anyone)
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Kaz looked around at the three crows standing before him. Well, Jesper was standing - Inej and Y/N were both awkwardly leaning on him, desperately trying to not fall over onto the wet cobbles.
"Kaz, look at them, we can't walk back to Ketterdam tonight - we need to hide low for a bit," Jesper said, looking at him with surprisingly serious eyes.
Kaz looked at Inej. Blood was staining her upper right arm, turning her blue shirt red. She was standing but swayed as if she was on a boat ever so often.
He looked at Y/N, blood soaking her thigh and dripping down the side of her head. Jesper was, probably, the only thing holding her up on her feet and he could see the temptation to pass out in her tired, sluggish eyes.
"Fine," Kaz said, knowing Jesper had a point. Unfortunately. "We stay the night, get patched up, and then go back to Ketterdam. But be on guard," he said, stepping forward to face Jesper. "We're risking a lot staying here tonight."
"You mean you are," Jesper said, not backing down. His eyes moved from Kaz's face to the satchel over Kaz's shoulder that contained the gold statue they'd stolen. "Is that truly worth risking Y/N and Inej's life over?"
"You know the answer, Jes," Y/N muttered, dropping her head onto his shoulder and closing her eyes. "Can we just get inside before it -"
A loud boom of thunder drowned Y/N's words out and rain began falling. It wasn't heavy and fast - it was the finer rain that soaked you in an instant.
"Before it starts raining," Y/N finished, slumping as the water soaked through clothes.
Kaz swooped his wet hair back, combing it through with his gloved hand. "Come on."
He limped off down the slippery road, his cane hitting the cobbles getting quieter as he quickly walked down the road.
"How, exactly, does he expect us to get to the inn?" Jesper asked, looking at the two women he was holding up. "I know I'm a fabulous person but I do only, in fact, have two hands."
Y/N swallowed, trying to fight the nausea whirling around her, as she pushed herself up off Jesper and onto her feet. "When one of us keels over, switch."
"Y/N, don't be ridiculous," Inej said, letting go of Jesper. "You're the one with a bullet wound to your thigh."
"Yeah, I'm also incredibly stubborn, Inej," Y/N said, giving her a wink that was more of a blink.
Y/N inhaled deeply and began to follow after Kaz, dragging her right leg behind her as she limped forward.
"They're both as fucking stubborn as the other," Jesper said, despair and a bit of surprise in his voice.
"The Saints put them both on this forsaken earth for each other yet made them too stubborn and idiotic to realise," Inej replied, shaking her head.
"Match made in Saintly heaven," Jesper muttered, adjusting his hat before holding his arm out to Inej. "Come on, I want to see if she makes it to the inn or collapses at Kaz's feet."
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Y/N made it to the doorway of the village inn before her leg gave way and she fell to the muddy floor. She hissed in pain, grappling for grip on the wall of the inn as she tried to get her feet underneath her again.
A gloved hand appeared in her vision. Y/N put her hand in Kaz's - the pain clouding her thoughts as his fingers wrapped around her wrist and pulled her up to her feet. She wobbled and Kaz tightened his grip. If she hadn't been in so much pain, she would've noticed the effort and pain on Kaz's face as he fought the urge to rip his hand away and retreat into himself.
"Take this," Kaz said, moving under the porch and leaning Y/N up against the wall and handing her his cane.
"Kaz -"
"Shut up and take it," Kaz snapped. "I can't multitask if I've got to hold you up at the same time."
Y/N took his cane, leaning on it and taking the weight off her bad leg. Kaz took his coat off and shook it out, getting most of the water droplets off. He draped it over his arm and opened the inn door.
Y/N was immediately assaulted by the smell of roasted beef and her stomach rumbled accusingly at her. Kaz nodded to the inside of the inn and Y/N pushed herself off the wall and limped inside. He kept the door open as Jesper and Inej appeared, both soaking wet and looking slightly worse for wear than before.
"I'll go get us a room," Kaz muttered, throwing his coat over a chair and walking off.
Y/N sank into a chair, trying not to hiss in pain as she stretched her leg out, the open wound in her thigh screaming. She leant down and peeled back the makeshift bandage around her thigh, checking her wound. "Jesper, why are you staring at me and whispering to Inej like a child?"
"I'm not."
"Jesper, I can see you - you're not exactly being subtle, love," Y/N replied, looking up. "What?"
"Kaz gave you his cane."
"Kaz also shot me in the thigh," Y/N retorted.
"He did? I honestly thought it was me," Jesper replied, shrugging.
"Jes, if it was you, your hat would have a matching hole."
Jesper reached up and pulled his hat off his head, cradling it close to his chest - much like he did with his revolvers.
"We have a problem," Kaz said as he joined them at their table. "They have two rooms but they only have a single bed."
"That's fine," Y/N said. "We'll just share - Saints know we've done it enough times before."
Kaz nodded stiffly, his jaw clenched tightly. "Yeah. Yeah, we have. Jesper and I will take a room -"
"Nah, and leave the two injured alone?" Jesper asked, raising his eyebrows. "They'll probably be dead before the morning."
"Your faith in us is astounding, Jesper," Y/N drawled, looking at him with disdain. "But, he has a point, Kaz."
Inej nodded. "Well, how about I go with Jes and Y/N, you go with Kaz."
Y/N turned her head and glared at Inej - hoping deep down that her look would kill her friend stone dead. Inej just smiled back at her, innocence on her face.
"Yeah, that works for me."
Y/N turned her glare to Jesper. Jesper, irritatingly, just winked at her and smirked. "Fine," she said, knowing there was no escape from her friend's attempt at matchmaking. "But I'm taking the room closest to the ground floor."
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There was awkward. And then there was being alone in a room with Kaz, stripped down to a vest and trousers lit by nothing but candlelight and the occasional flash of lighting from outside.
The room was small and warm - a single bed near the window, the foot of it facing the fireplace which was home to a small, warm fire. There was a desk and a table near the door and a painting of the nearby village above the fireplace, a mirror on the wall next to it.
To the right of the fireplace, next to the desk, was the door to an even smaller bathroom.
It was small. It was cosy. It was hell.
Y/N had sat down on the edge of the bed ten minutes ago and hadn't moved since. Kaz hadn't followed her up - he'd stayed downstairs to settle their bill, watching as Jesper helped Inej and Y/N up the staircase and to their rooms.
Her leg was throbbing more than before and Y/N knew she needed to fix it. She began unwrapping the bandage from around her thigh, throwing the bloodied fabric onto the floor.
The door to the room opened and Y/N looked up as Kaz limped in, his cane lose in his hand.
"We can take it in turns to sleep," Y/N said, very aware that she was all but undressing in front of Kaz as she took off her vest, sitting in nothing but her bra and trousers. She doused the vest in alcohol and began wiping the blood from around the wound, edging closer to the gaping hole.
"You need it more than me," Kaz replied, avoiding her gaze as he surveyed the room. "I'll be fine."
Y/N wanted to object but couldn't be bothered to. "Fine." She pushed herself up, leaning on the bed frame. "I'm going to the bathroom."
She awkwardly shuffled and limped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her, locking it by sliding the bolt across. Y/N grabbed a pair of scissors and began cutting the fabric off her thigh - continuing to ruin her already ruined trousers. Once her trousers were in a pile of bloody fabric on the floor, she put a skirt on - pulling it down over her head - and began cleaning her wound again.
The nausea came back as she looked down at her thigh, desperately trying not to pass out. Y/N gripped onto the counter as the room tilted violently, The bottle of alcohol fell from her hand and smashed into pieces on the floor and Y/N slumped off the toilet, hitting her head on a door handle as she struggled to catch herself.
Y/N slumped against the cupboard, her eyes tightly shut as she took panting breaths in and out, trying not to pass out. Her hands were shaking violently and she could feel the tremors spreading to the rest of her body.
Kaz knocked on the door. "Y/N?"
Y/N inhaled and swallowed. She exhaled deeply through her mouth, feeling the air move through her. Using her good leg to push herself up a bit, Y/N unlocked the bathroom door and then slumped back down.
The door squeaked open. Kaz loomed above her. He'd taken his jacket off and rolled his sleeves up, exposing his forearms. His hair was flopping to one side - damp from the rain. He looked surprisingly casual - the harsh straight lines his coat, hair and cheekbones so often forme seemed more relaxed, like his walls were done.
"Do you need a hand?" Kaz asked, his voice quiet.
Y/N nodded. She didn't know why but she felt tears stinging her eyes. Y/N brushed them away quickly with the back of her hand and sniffed. "Sorry."
Kaz stepped in further, pushing the door open wider. "Can you sit on the counter?"
Y/N nodded. She was like those stupid bobbleheads Jesper insisted on buying from the marketplace each week. Y/N was glad that the towel rail was nailed to the wall as she used it to pull herself up to her feet.
She was upright for ten seconds before her legs buckled and she swayed to the left, towards Kaz and towards the floor.
A hand caught her arm, another wrapping around her waist, pushing her back up and backwards to the counter. The room was a blur of colours and Y/N managed to focus in for a moment as Kaz lifted her up onto the counter.
He moved back as soon as he was sure she wasn't about to fall off. Kaz crouched down, wincing as something in his bad leg popped, and picked up the bigger pieces of broken glass and dumped them into the bin near the door.
"There's alcohol in the sink," Y/N said quietly, leaning back against the mirror, her eyes shut.
She felt Kaz's trouser leg brushed against her bare leg as he moved to the sink and picked up the bottle of alcohol. Her skirt had a slit wear her injured leg was - an attempt to keep at least some of her walls up.
"How's the head?" Kaz asked, his voice like a knife being sharpened.
"Probably - how hard do you wish he'd hit me?"
Kaz rolled his eyes. "Are you still annoyed?"
"Put a knife in my hand and we'll find out."
"That's a yes, then," Kaz muttered. He set the bottle down, gripping the wet cloth with his other hand as he looked up at her. "I did what I had to, alright. Per Haskell was sniffing around and to get him to fuck off, I had to do what he said."
"Killing an innocent man for merely knowing someone was what you had to do?"
"Y/N... I didn't kill him," Kaz said slowly. He sighed. "I told him to take his family and run."
Y/N frowned. "But I saw the body... Jesper and Inej were there too."
"A body with a face so badly beaten it was unrecognisable other than the ring which is easily replicated," Kaz replied, a scheming glint in his eyes.
"You lied."
"I used my local resources," Kaz retorted. "Otherwise known as the man who'd been stalking you all month."
Y/N froze. She looked at him as he busied himself with the cloth, cleaning Y/N's thigh, his gloved hand brushing against her skin. "How did you know?"
"Y/N, love, you've been my Crow for three years, now," Kaz said, avoiding her gaze. "I know more about you than you would ever realise."
'I don't know whether to be comforted or scared by that," she said quietly, "He was from the Lotus."
"I know he was." Kaz paused. He lifted his head. "He'd been sniffing around the Crow Club asking about you and when you worked. No one said anything."
Y/N nodded, pushing herself up a bit. "So, he's dead."
"Dead. Burnt. Scattered in three different locations. Same thing." Kaz looked up at her, his eyes narrowing. "What?"
"Just... bizarre knowing that he's dead. The man used me for years at the Lotus and then stalked me once I was out. He almost killed me once -"
"I remember."
Of course, he remembered. How could he forget the sight of her stumbling back into the Slat, hands covered in blood and collapsing into his arms, her blood covering his gloves and clothes instantly.
Kaz stared at her, his eyes sharp and focused. Y/N stared back at him. She yelped suddenly, hissing in pain as Kaz unexpectedly poured alcohol over her thigh. "Fucking hell, Kaz," she said, reaching out and grabbing his bare arm.
Kaz froze at her touch but as soon as she'd grabbed onto him she let go, hitting the counter.
"Saints above that stings," Y/N hissed, her eyes tearing up.
"It's called cleaning it," Kaz said, rolling his shoulders back. "Bandages?"
"On my left."
Kaz picked up the roll of bandages. His gloves were stained with blood, red fingerprints appearing on the white fabric. He glanced at Y/N momentarily. She'd slumped back against the mirror but he knew she wasn't asleep because she was bracing herself against the counter.
He didn't question his mind as he pulled his gloves off, exposing his hands. Kaz took the roll of bandages and a wad of gauze and turned back to Y/N.
Neither one said anything but Kaz knew Y/N was watching him and mentally questioning his every move. In silence, Kaz put the gauze over the wound, pressing down on it with one hand, a gasp of pain coming from Y/N. His bare hands looked ghostly in the candlelight - almost skeletal.
Kaz carefully wrapped the bandage around Y/N's thigh, feeding it under her leg, up, around and under again. His bare hands brushed against her bare leg, their skin touching for a few seconds each time. Kaz could feel the cold water seeping into his trousers, soaking him through as it went higher until it was under his chin.
He paused for a moment, breathing harshly. He licked his lips and pressed them together, trying to control the waters.
"I can do it -"
"I'm fine," Kaz said hoarsely. He blinked and looked up at her, their eyes meeting. "I need to do this."
Y/N nodded and kept quiet, letting Kaz get control. It wasn't long before he resumed bandaging her thigh. Once he'd run out of bandage, he tied it into a knot and tucked it in, his fingers pressing against Y/N's thigh.
"Thank you," Y/N said softly, her eyes focused on the lid of the bottle.
Kaz looked down to, his eyes locked on to the small connection they'd made in the silence of the bathroom, both of them staring at the bottle lid. "I'm sorry."
"Wasn't your fault. It was chaos."
"I know. Still, my apologies."
"At least we're two for two," Y/N muttered. She'd moved her eyes from the lid to Kaz's bare hand. There was a chasm between them. Yet she leapt across it as she reached out and put her little finger over his. He flinched but didn't move.
"At least we're two for two," Kaz echoed. He reached out a hand and pulled her down from the counter.
Y/N stood up, wobbling slightly, as Kaz looked up at her. They were the closest they'd been in months - only a few centimetres between them. Y/N looked at him, her eyes locking on to his with burning desire. They were still holding hands - their bare skin touching.
A loud crack of thunder made them both jump and they sprung apart. Kaz cleared his throat and stepped back, the chasm returning.
"Bed," Kaz said, his voice back to its usual roughness, no hint of emotion. "We need to leave early tomorrow."
"Yes, boss," Y/N said, nodding.
Kaz limped over to his cane and threw it to Y/N. She caught it and followed him out the bathroom - their limps matching.
"Kaz," Y/N said as he pulled out a chair and threw a cushion on it. "We can share the bed. It is big enough."
Kaz looked at the bed, hesitation in his eyes. He'd come so far tonight. The water was at his chest and was going no further.
"Ok," Y/N said, noticing the hesitation in his eyes. She grabbed the pillows and a blanket and made a wall along the middle of the bed. "There. I won't touch you and you won't touch me. We have our own space."
Kaz looked at the bed. And nodded once.
Y/N laid down on the bed, letting the cushions fall onto her as Kaz clambered onto the other side, leaning the cane against the wall. They both laid there, backs to each other, the wall between them. The chasm was now just a river.
Y/N dozed off after a few minutes. She woke up only a few hours later - it was still dark and raining outside - and rolled over. Kaz had gotten up a few hours ago - she'd felt the bed move as he did sp. But as Y/N rolled over, she saw him sitting in a chair, near the edge of the bed, eyes shut, hands clasped together over his stomach.
"Go back to sleep, Y/N," Kaz muttered, his eyes still shut. "We've got a few hours yet."
Y/N smiled to herself as she laid back down, closing her eyes. The pillow she laid on still smelt of Kaz.
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lxncelot · 7 months ago
hope in the jar | k.b.
Six of Crows - Kaz Brekker x Reader, slight fluff, slight angst requested
tw: gunshot wound, medical stitches, mention of gun violence,  mentions of blood, slightly ooc kaz because have you tried to write him softly?
word count: 1.4k
prompt: “I don’t trust anyone… but you’re not just anyone.”
A/N: 1) this doesn’t seem to take place at any given point in canon but i want wylan and matthias to be there, sue me, and 2) do i know that there is no greek mythology is the grishaverse? yes. does that stop me from mentioning pandora’s box? no.
summary: Kaz Brekker is far from just being anyone. And maybe, so are you.
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"You're quiet." Wylan bumped your shoulder, pulling you out of your thoughts. 
There was a particular kind of calm that descended after a shootout. When pistols stopped smoking and adrenaline had left the bloodstream, the cool weight of evening fell back on your shoulders and managed to settle differently. For Jesper, it meant more jokes than usual. For Inej, more prayer. For Nina, it meant more grumbling, and for Matthias, more smiles. You weren't always sure what it meant for you, but tonight, it meant pensivity.
The walk back to the Slat was victorious. The streets of Ketterdam were empty and unusually quiet, thanks to Wylan's affinity toward bombs and blowing half of the cobblestones right off the street. The tranquility wasn't typical, but somehow, it was comforting. Perhaps even invigorating. How often did Ketterdam fall silent? Especially for canal rats like you?
Maybe if you still had a slow trickle of adrenaline, you would have commemorated the moment - maybe by getting waffles? But it was late, and after taking a bullet to the side after getting a little too close to the enemy, the only thing you wanted was to wash all of the grime off of your face and fall asleep. Maybe you'd celebrate after a good night's rest - Saints providing that such a thing existed in the Barrel.
"Am I quiet? Or are you slowly going deaf from all of your 'science experiments?'"
Wylan flushed a little. Even after all this time, he was so easy to tease. What made it even funnier was that he always managed some witty comeback or another, all while his cheeks were a shocking 'embarrassment pink.' Wylan opened his mouth to speak—
"Definitely quiet!" Jesper called from in front of you, one of his arms slung around Inej's shoulder, the other twirling a pistol.
Wylan let out a scoff of admiration, and you mumbled under your breath - something about Jesper being an irritating, smart mouthed idiot.
"What was that, (Y/n)?"
"You're annoying, Jesper!"
"Well, I'm glad something can make you lively again." Jesper turned his head to toss you a wink, and you rolled your eyes.
Wylan bumped your shoulders together, again, careful not to jostle you too much. "You're not quiet now. Just seething."
"Just tired," you corrected, passing the redhead a lazy smile.
"Admitting that is admitting weakness."
Kaz walked behind you and the rest of the group, but his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear. You turned around and walked backward so you could face him.
To anyone else walking the street, the Bastard of the Barrel was just more brooding than usual - his tone curter, his eyes sharper, the lines on his face deeper than they had the right to be. To you, though, Kaz was tired. His leg was stiff from the fight, giving him more trouble than usual, and his jaw was set in a rigid line as to not give away his weakness.
The Slat wasn't too far, now, but even after getting inside, there would be stairs to climb, and a hell of a lot of them were so worn down, they might buckle at any given weight. 
It would be a rough night; it already had been.
You just sighed. "Admitting that is trust."
Kaz held your gaze. For a long moment, you couldn't figure what he was thinking. Kaz Brekker was always considering something, and after a while, you had gotten good at knowing just what he was thinking, when. 
But not this time. Kaz was a sphinx to you during that baited moment - inexplicable, an enigma. What made it worse was that it was deliberate.
Kaz raised his eyebrows and looked down at his cane, hitting the ground with more force than before.
"We're all tired."
The night was filled with the quiet once more, but with every step you took toward the Slat, the low din of unruly jeers and shouts filled your brain like cotton on a wound.
✧ *:・゚
You sat on the floor of your room, a bowl of water before you, a haphazard pile of medical supplies to your left. Nina had told you that she wasn't a Healer when she began to seal your wound earlier, and you had said you didn't want to waste time while still exposed on the streets - by all accounts, Nina did a decent job with the three or so minutes you allowed her. But Saints, someone should have told you to stuff your pride and let Nina work on you just a bit longer. Maybe then you wouldn't be sitting on the floor of your room, stitching up a wound with supplies you nicked from Muzzen.
You had just finished your stitches (you still needed to thank Inej for teaching you how) when you heard Kaz walking up the steps.
You wrapped up your wound as best you could. You were pushing down your shirt when you heard him speak.
"I wouldn't trust just anyone in the Dregs."
You washed your hands clean as best you could and sent Kaz a wayward glance, noting how he stood in your doorway - as though he wasn't quite sure if he belonged.
"I've been in Ketterdam too long—" You grabbed a towel and wiped your face, trying to rid yourself of the dirt and grime. You turned back to Kaz "—I don't trust anyone."
He nodded as though agreeing with your judgment. But it was too quick - too relenting. He turned to go.
"But you're not just anyone, Kaz."
The Bastard of the Barrel froze. It seemed to you that his grip on his cane tightened. Perhaps it was a side effect from the blood loss or maybe even a fast-acting infection from that suture needle, but it felt like something sucked all the air out of the room.
You turned to face him properly.
"C'mon, we've both known it for longer than we care to admit. I'm doing us a mercy - putting it to rest."
Silence, still. If the Slat were up in flames, you doubted you would have noticed. There was nothing else here - it was just you, Kaz, and the space that lay between.
You eased your legs out in front of you, putting your arms out behind you and leaning on your palms. The floor was cool - like the night had been, earlier, when you were talking away from a gunfight. The world was somehow smaller,  then - like you had held it in your grasp. 
Kaz was still half turned, but you could see his profile, and once again, his thoughts were under lock and key. 
"You can either take it or leave it, Kaz. But whatever you decide to choose, know that you chose it."
He spoke sooner than you expected. "You're not just anyone, either."
Your mouth went dry. You weren't sure what you had been expecting or even hoping. Hope was still trapped inside Pandora's jar, and even the barest inkling of it could have destroyed your whole world. Hope belonged to the innocent and the pious, and you hadn't been either in a long time. You weren't sure what you had been expecting, but it certainly wasn't that.
And for some reason, you could fathom how Kaz Brekker could have ever said such a thing and meant it.
Maybe Kaz didn't think you heard him, because he affirmed it, turning to you. "You're not just anyone, (Y/n)."
"Not just another soldier in your ranks?"
"Not anymore."
You wanted to laugh, but it came out as more of a breath. You settled for a lopsided smile instead. "That's practically a proposal, coming from you."
"If I could offer you more, I would."
You looked at Kaz as he stood in the doorway. He was exhausted and beaten at his own game, but there was nothing but sincerity and truth swimming in his eyes, nothing but honestly dripping from every syllable. Had you ever seen Kaz the way he was, now? To take his own words, he was admitting a weakness. Earnestness was a defect in the Barrel. Vulnerability was a sin.
"It's not much," you conceded. You moved your outstretched leg so that you could tap his shoe - toe to toe. Kaz watched the slow movement carefully, but never pulled away. "But for now, it's good enough."
-- taglist: @musicallisto​​, @catsbooksandmusic​ // message me if you want to be added!
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goldengoddess · 6 months ago
drunk kaz drunk kaz drunk kaz
I dont know but I want to see some reader who is like always sober and slight drunk kaz fluff rjckebjdkd I have a thing to admiring your feelings for one another after some alcohol in stories, not gonna like 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️ feel free to ignore this request if you're not comfortable with it. Your writing is amazing, darling💓💓💓
sober thoughts - kaz brekker 
find part two here!
pairing: kaz brekker x reader
a/n: thank you so much! this will be relatively short but this is actually such a cute concept (i just wanna say this is very outta character for kaz but i genuinely think this is how he would act under the influence with his guard down ok u may continue)
warnings: alcohol mention, cursing 
kaz was drunk.
okay, maybe he wasn't drunk drunk but he was definitely getting there.
and saints was it a sight.
kaz wasn't the kind of man who let himself go. ever. he was always alert, never letting his guard down. and alcohol didn't allow for a lot of attentiveness. actually, in ketterdam it was used for exactly the opposite. to lose oneself. to forget.
so it truly was a shock to see kaz brekker slightly stumbling to walk over to you on the other side of the room. and in his own club no less. but it was nina zenik's birthday, and who could deny that woman a party.
"angel!" he called to you as he sat down in the chair in front of yours. he looked at the cards in your hand, and at jesper who was sitting on kaz's left.
you raised your eyebrows at the nickname and gave jesper a 'what the fuck is happening right now' look, which he returned with a 'i don't know man but roll with it' look.
you focused your attention on kaz, noticing how his lips held a lazy smile and his eyes weren't scanning around the room the way they usually were. 'hi dirtyhands, you having a good night?"
his lips pouted, oh yeah he was definitely tipsy. "y/n, you don't have to," he let out a small hiccup, "you don't have to call me dirtyhands, i'd rather you call me baby."
his lame excuse at flirting had jesper rolling in his seat with laughter, slamming his hand on the table in amusement. "oh saints kaz" he chuckled.
kaz shot him a warning glance, and for a moment he was the kaz you had grown fond of, murderous and deadly. but then his eyes shifted back to you and his face softened. and the butterflies in your stomach went absolutely crazy.
you gave him a teasing grin and cocked your head to one side, "okay baby."
kaz shuddered as the word left your lips, physically reacting to your pet name. the sight caused you more pleasure than you cared to admit.
jesper noticed as well and leaned closer to kaz, "oh i wanna try. kaz, sweetheart, baby,” he emphasized the word, “pass me that drink will you?"
kaz ran a hand over his face and glared at jesper, oppositely to the way that he'd reacted to you.
jesper grimaced and picked up the drink himself, "yikes. guess he only likes it when you call him that y/n." he winked and took a sip from his glass.
you and kaz shared a shy look and his blush mirrored yours. you heard jesper snicker under his breath at the two of you.
kaz moved his chair closer to yours. close enough that you could see the length of his eyelashes. and the way his pupils were dilated. and you could see the faint trace of freckles across his nose.
it occurred to you that you wouldn't mind studying kaz for hours without growing bored.
it also occurred to you that you were staring.
and that you had never been this close to kaz before.
you tilted your head to the side and gave him a magnificent grin to try to regain and present some composure to the two boys.
"you pretty" kaz whispered suddenly. 
well shit, so much for composure.
you cleared your throat and willed your body to not make the heat on your cheek and neck painfully obvious. by the look on jesper's face you suspected you hadn't succeeded.
"you're pretty too kaz," you responded in an attempt to be casual.
kaz let out a little gasp and turned to jesper in utter disbelief as if you had said something out of this world, "jes, y/n just called me pretty. they think i'm pretty."
jesper laughed and patted kaz's back in a friendly manner, "yeah i heard buddy." he picked up his glass, discarding his cards, and got up to go be with wylan on the other side of the room. before leaving he wiggled his eyebrows at you.
you shook your head in amusement and shock. kaz thought you were pretty. and you didn't anticipate how much you wanted to hear him say that to you. and how much you wanted to grab him and tell him how pretty he was after kissing every part of his stupid face. 
you leaned your elbows on the table, closer to him. "so kaz, you enjoying the drinks tonight?"
he nodded his head and leaned closer to you as well. "yeah i am, but i'm enjoying you a lot more."
you rolled your eyes but bit your lip to fight back a growing grin. "oh i'm sure you are. but seeing and hearing your very free comments tonight i'd say you're enjoying the bar plenty" you teased him.
he frowned slightly. in a way that made you want to kiss that stupid frown away. "my comments aren't because i drank."
you chuckled, "you would never call me pretty without at least three drinks in your system kaz. your sober and brutal honesty would never let you."
it was his turn to roll his eyes, he gave you a mischievous smile and leaned closer to you. you sucked in a breath as his lips hovered next to your ear. the two of you had really gotten so close over this conversation.
"well you know what they say, darling, drunk words are sober thoughts." you held your breath, not sure if you were even capable of breathing anymore.
“and i think you're fucking marvelous when i'm sober too"
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magpiencrow · 6 months ago
I’d Come For You
kaz brekker x reader - i’d come for you
summary/request: “YOUR X READER MATYR IS LITERALLY MY MOST FAVORITE THING and I absolutely adore the way you write kaz!! May I request a Kaz x fem!reader where they have a relationship and the reader is very ok with Kaz’s boundaries and doesn’t ask for more if he’s not ready to give it but she’s needed for a mission, maybe because the people trust her more because she has a trustworthy face etc and Kaz is ofc very against it but when he sees her in action, he’s surprised by how good at she is and even the main crew love her? If not that’s ok lolol”
warnings: language, mentions of blood, torture, kaz being a bit softer than usual
word count: 2.6k
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Among the Dregs it was unsaid, but Kaz was hers and Y/N was his. It was a known fact, engraved in stone. They were attached at the hip constantly, except for when it came to jobs. That was when Y/N was left behind to stay at the Slat, while Kaz ventured out with his Crows.
As difficult as it was, Kaz was vehemently stubborn when it came to separating his work and his personal life. To everyone else, it seemed like an unusual move. Y/N lived at the Slat, just like every other Dreg, with the exception that she did live with Kaz. To Kaz, it was purely logical. Being the Bastard of the Barrel meant little room for mistakes and no room for weakness. And love was purely that - a weakness. Y/N had Kaz wrapped around her finger, forever willing to do her bidding. The boy knew that if someone wanted to bring him to his knees, they’d go through her. After all, it’s what he would do.
The solution was simple: separate her from his work. The rules were laid out clear, and reluctantly abided by: no joining in on jobs and no leaving the Slat without Kaz or Jesper. Although heavily restrictive, it did its job. Y/N remained safe. Kaz knew those hours where he was away on a heist, was torture for the girl. The knowledge ate away at him everytime he was away.
But Saints, was returning to her worth the unease. With her, everything felt effortless. Y/N loved him - imperfections and all. Never once did she question Kaz when he was silent, trying to search for the correct way to translate his feelings to words. She never pushed him when it came to touch, silently understanding that he just couldn’t bring himself to, no matter how much he wanted it.
To Kaz, Y/N was a perfect escape from the world around him. An escape from the horrors of the Barrel, from the responsibilities that weighed so heavily on his shoulders. With her, he could simply relax and enjoy her company, everything from comfortable silence to staying up all night chatting. Y/N was a little slice of paradise within a cruel world.
A vast blueprint was laid upon the table before Kaz. He leaned over it, palms splayed out on either side, as his eyes searched the layout, slowly formulating a plan in his mind. Their chosen route of escape was played over and over again within his mind. Something just wasn’t right.
“We need to get past these guards, without triggering the alarms.” Jesper stated, pointing to a door on the blueprint.
“That’s the thing,” Kaz groaned, looking up at his Crows which were situated around the table, “the guards will recognize all of us. We need someone fresh.”
“We could ask one of the Dregs to join us - Rotty maybe?” Inej questioned, her eyes examining the blueprint as well.
Kaz took a step away from the table and folded his arms over his chest, “No, this is too high stakes.”
“I could do it.” Y/N quietly commented.
Kaz whipped his head around, staring at the girl that at some point had walked up behind him. He’d grown so used to her constant presence that he hardly noticed when she walked up next to him. She felt like an extension of himself, always there.
“No, absolutely not.” Kaz muttered, stubbornly shaking his head.
“Seriously Kaz, think about it.” Y/N stepped in front of him and ran her fingers over the blueprint, “The guards wouldn’t recognize me. I’m exactly who you need on the job.”
Kaz clenched his jaw and sent the girl a glare. She was being stupid. They’d mutually agreed she’d never join in on a job.
Jesper raised an eyebrow dramatically, “She’s got a point. It would work.”
Of course they’d gang up on me. Kaz sternly glared at his friend, praying the boy would take it as a signal to back off.
“This isn’t up for discussion. My answer is no and that’s final.”
He could feel sets of eyes on him as he reached forward with trembling hands and rolled up the blueprint. Y/N’s safety was the one thing Kaz was not willing to barter with. He wouldn’t take the risk and he wouldn’t allow her to either. Tucking the blueprint under his arm, Kaz started to walk off towards his office but Y/N stepped into his path, hands up.
“Kaz can we talk about this?”
For a second he faltered, looking into Y/N’s intense eyes, but then he answered, “We agreed - no jobs.”
Brushing past Y/N, he marched up the staircase, determined to throw the girl off of her ridiculous idea. Soft footsteps echoed behind him, climbing the staircase as well. Kaz flung open the heavy door to his dimly lit office and retreated inside. The room was cluttered, as it always was when he was preparing for a heist. It reflected how his mind felt, a hectic mess of thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Collapsing into the chair behind his desk, Kaz stashed the blueprint away in a drawer.
The door to his office closed with a soft thud as Y/N stepped inside, her eyes carefully examining Kaz. She was waiting for him to calm down before resuming their argument. Like a puppet master, Y/N could delicately pull his strings, convince him to see her point of view once he’d had a second to cool his flaring temper.
“I want to help. You told me just last night how important this job was. I can do this, Kaz, just trust me.” Y/N’s statement was insistent, begging for a chance.
Kaz sighed and ran one gloved hand through his hair, “The job is not important.”
Y/N walked forward and leaned against Kaz’s desk, pointing an accusatory finger at him as she spoke, “Do not lie to me Kaz. You said last night this job is big, a boat load of kruge big. It’s worth the risks.”
“No amount of kruge is worth more than your life.” Kaz simply replied, but his voice was strained, raspy with emotion. Sitting up straighter in his chair, he clasped both hands over the crow’s head and appraised the girl.
She was fiery, her eyes passionately ablaze as she argued her case, “Saints Kaz, let me do something for once!” Y/N threw her hands into the air, animatedly moving them as she spoke, “You keep me holed up in here as though the moment I walk out that door someone would shoot me dead.”
Kaz abruptly rose from his chair and menacingly loomed over the girl, “You don’t get it. Men out there do want you dead. They want me and the little empire I’ve built to crumble. What’s the fastest way to bring a man to his knees?”
The question was open ended, sitting heavily in the air as Y/N fumbled for an answer. Unsatisfied with her silence, Kaz turned away with a tut and walked over to a window, overlooking the dark but lively streets of the city.
“You do it by finding his pressure points, his weakness. I’ve fought tooth and nail to exterminate every possible thing that could be used as leverage against me, except for you. Y/N, loving you is the only weakness I have.”
Kaz could barely make out their reflections in the dark window pane, but he could see her slowly approaching him. Glancing over his shoulder, their eyes met, silently trying to figure each other out.
Y/N’s voice was soft as she spoke, “We can’t hide away in here forever. I have to live Kaz.”
“They’d take you Y/N, keep you as ransom, torture or…” Kaz’s voice trailed off as he turned to face her. His chest felt heavy with the burden of translating his thoughts into words. “I can’t lose you.”
“But you’d come for me, find me, even if they’d hidden me away.” Y/N softly reached out and straightened the lapel of his jacket, her fingers ever so softly trailing along the hem.
With a trembling hand, Kaz touched her. His gloved fingers wrapped around her hand and moved it over his chest until they reached the spot where they could both feel his heart erratically thumping. Y/N stared up at him, hope filling her eyes as she waited for his response with bated breath.
“Always. Even if I was bleeding out, dying, taking in my last breath, I’d come for you. I’ll always come for you. I’d give anything to get you back: throw away my fortune, the Crow Club, and any chance I have at bringing down Pekka while I’m at it. Nothing matters more to me than you.”
Each word was spoken deliberately, a promise that nothing would stand between them - ever. The idea of Y/N gone, taken and played with like a pawn, made Kaz’s stomach lurch. He wouldn’t allow it - not now, not ever. Y/N wasn’t a plaything, a route for quick revenge, but that’s how they saw her. The dirty men of the Barrel didn’t look upon the couple with a smile, instead Kaz knew they looked on with a smirk, greed flooding their mind.
“And I’d do the same for you, nothing could keep me from coming back to you. But I want to join in on this job. Please, Kaz.”
How could he say no when she looked up at him like that? Looked at him like he was something extraordinary, like Kaz himself had hung the very moon in the sky who’s light now trickled through the window. She viewed him as a far better person than he truly was, Kaz knew that. But the way she gazed into his eyes, made him think that perhaps Kaz Rietveld was still lurking somewhere deep inside, that he wasn’t yet truly and wholly Kaz Brekker.
For a long time, he liked to think that the old Kaz was out there dead, floating in the ocean, tossed around in the waves, right beside Jordie. That he’d risen from his own ashes like a phoenix, and recreated himself, forged the legend that surrounded his name. Kaz knew it wasn’t true the moment Y/N wormed herself into his life. The piece of him that was so desperate to keep Y/N safe, was the same piece still mourning the death of his brother.
Looking down at Y/N, Kaz felt numb. He didn’t want to lose another person to the horrors of the city. It simply wasn’t an option, Kaz knew he’d snap if something happened to his girl. But keeping her cooped up inside wasn’t an option either. As per usual, she was right. She needed to live.
“Okay, you can come along. But you have to take shooting lessons with Jesper. I can’t have you walking into a heist with no way to defend yourself.”
Speaking those words, a deep feeling of dread settled into the bottom of Kaz’s stomach, but the wide grin splayed across Y/N’s face made it all worth it.
“I’m telling you she’s good. Of course we had a few stray bullets,” Jesper waved his hands in the air to demonstrate his point, “but other than that, Y/N’s a lethal shot.”
“Thrilling.” Kaz muttered in response.
Together the three accomplices trekked down the dimly lit hallway, hurrying towards their exit.
“If you two don’t shut up, the guards will find us.” Inej complained, slinking along in the shadows.
Kaz’s heart felt as though it was in his throat. With every step, he thought only of her. She was waiting for them at the exit, ready to distract the guards and if the worst happened, knock them out. His chest felt tight as he held his breath as they neared the doors.
Two hefty guards were stationed in front of the dark oak doors that led to an outside courtyard. The very last hurdle. Hiding behind the last corner of the hallway, they huddled together and occasionally peeked around the corner. Quietly, Kaz pulled his pocket watch out. Almost time.
A resounding knock echoed on the other side of the door, paired with Y/N exclaiming, “Help! Please I’m injured.”
The guards grumbled for a moment before tugging open the heavy doors. Peeking around the corner, Kaz could see Y/N now standing in the doorway, slightly hunched over and clutching her side that was covered in blood. Fake blood of course. Y/N played her part impressively well. Portraying the image of an injured young woman, she pulled the gullible guards aside, luring them to a dark alley where she claimed to have been attacked.
As the guards disappeared out of the doorway, Kaz and the Crows crept out from their hiding spot, dashing for the doors. The nipping Kerch wind whipped around them once they stepped over the threshold. It felt so wonderful to be out, to have successfully completed the heist. Now, there was only to wait for Y/N’s return at the rendezvous point.
Together, they walked down a pitch black alley. The silence was haunting while waiting for his girl. Jesper was happy, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet at their success. The rendezvous point was a little courtyard, right off the dark street, squeezed between two towering buildings. Benches lined the sides of the yard and a marble statue dedicated to Ghezen stood in the middle. Each moment that passed without Y/N’s presence made Kaz feel sick, his stomach violently flipping.
Inej spoke, her voice cutting through the silence sharply, “I like her, Kaz.”
“What?” Kaz furrowed his eyebrows and gripped the crow’s head.
“Y/N,” she clarified, “she’s fun. You should y’know… let her hang around with us more.”
Kaz raised an eyebrow, glancing between his two friends who were grinning at him like fools.
“Yeah, it’s not like we’re bad influences or anything,” Jesper teased while absentmindedly twirling a revolver in one hand.
Kaz smiled lightly as his eyes searched the darkness before them for any sign of Y/N. “Glad she meets your approval.”
“Of course she does Kaz, she is good for you.” Inej commented, glancing up at Kaz.
Jesper let out a laugh, “She’s made you far easier to work with. The fact that she’s a bit of a badass is just the cherry on top.”
“A badass you say?”
Kaz’s eyes snapped to Y/N and a smile took over his face. She was here, right in front of him, unharmed. Quickly he walked forward, brushing past his friends, and only stopped once he was standing directly before the girl. His eyes roamed her face, beautifully highlighted by the moonlight. Y/N’s gaze met his, her eyes softening.
“I’m fine Kaz, I’m safe.” Of course she knew he was racked with worry. “I lured them away, they didn’t think anything of it. Idiots.”
Kaz couldn’t help but smile and his hands hovered, desperately wanting to touch her, to ensure she was really there. Without a second thought, he lurched forward and wrapped his arms tightly around her frame. Oh Saints, she was safe. Y/N hesitated for a slight moment and then tightly hugged him back. The feeling of her wrapped in his arms, safe and sound, was heavenly. The soft rise and fall of her steady breathing was comforting, lowering Kaz’s spiking heart rate. It overpowered the other disgusting sensations that unfortunately came with touch.
When Kaz pulled away, his hands lingering on her shoulders, Y/N spoke, “I see you got your target.”
Her eyes focused on the bag of stolen goods laying on the cobblestones behind Kaz.
“I’m just glad I have you.”
Kaz taglist (comment “tag me” to be added)
@oliviasslut @ameliathackray @purplewcrld @subjecta13-thefangirl @aysegust @amberash05 @beatitlikeabongodrum @thanoshadtosnaptwiceforyou @mindofasupernova @kaitlyn2907 @renataligorio @xcharlottemikaelsonx @ladydaemon @just-a-new-start @nlnlpanini @kaqua @chaoticneutral3 @thedelusionreaderbitch @the-abyss-gazed-back @spawn0fsatan @vintagebitc @itsnotquimey @datrie @aliiiyyaaah @morganayenneferburnham @magravenwrites @kykymyeon @fandomstuffff @whatiswrongwithpeople @bilesxbilinskixlahey @imagines-and-preferences1216 @dreamer-writer-fangirl @alice-the-nerd @rika90 @for-bebbanburg @ancientbeing10 @everwhovian @theoroseo @jaystaysinside @moony-is-bae
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sumsebien · 5 months ago
you are done for // kaz brekker
summary: kaz is convinced that you were in grave danger when actually, it was just your birthday.
pairing: kaz brekker x fem! reader
warning: none
word count: 1.8k
a/n: there are no spoilers in this one 🥰
It was quiet when Jesper slipped through the door to Kaz’s attic office. He had been used to being greeted by your chipper voice even before his hands reached the doorknob but today it was dead silent and you weren’t here.
“Where’s Y/N?” Jesper asked immediately, looking at Kaz for an answer. It was odd. You were usually early, much earlier than Jesper ever was.
“Don’t ask,” Inej said under her breath, eyeing Kaz who sat brooding behind his desk.
It was probably a good idea, thought Jesper, considering how Kaz was glaring at the clock like it was cheating at one of his open tables.
“She’s probably on her way,” Jesper said. “You know how the streets get clogged up at these hours.” The attempt to lighten the mood was met with total silence. Jesper slumped down onto the fruit crater beside Inej. “Is he scheming? Or am I just paranoid?”
Inej shrugged.
Kaz wasn’t scheming. He was worried. It was way past the eighth bell, even Jesper was here and you were nowhere to be found. Where the hell could you be? What could be holding you up at 8 on a Wednesday night? Apart from being kidnapped, tortured and murdered? asked the little voice in his head. Nothing.
Kaz tried not to but when it came to you, he was always worried. You were still in the process of becoming a crow and so technically you weren’t under the Dregs’ protection. To be honest, he hesitated to make you one because he knew in doing so, he would be putting you in more danger than before.
He knew you could handle it, yes. It wasn’t that you didn’t know how to use a gun like Jesper or a dagger like Inej. You were great at hand-to-hand combat, better than all of them actually. But he couldn’t shake that fear in the back of his mind every time you showed up a little later than usual.
Kaz hid it well but every time he heard your cheerful greetings to him, to Inej, to Jesper, to whoever you saw first, he would let a sigh slip his lips. He would never admit it but it made his heart flutter too. And he didn’t like that part one bit.
Today, though, something felt different. You were much later than you had ever been, much later to blame the busy streets. Something happened to you. And while the mere thoughts were enough to bring him physical pain, he had to be prepared. And right now, Kaz was prepared for a search and rescue operation.
“We have to find her,” he said suddenly. “Something’s definitely wrong.”
It took less than a glance before all three were out of Kaz’s office and onto the dark, damp alleyways of the Barrel.
You lived with your family not too far away from the Crow Club, just across the West Stave. Your house was on the southern border of the district, away from the pleasure houses but not far enough from the traffickers. When your little brick house came into view, Kaz felt the suffocating regret of not clearing out his office for your family. You would have hated the idea but he should have done it anyway.
Inej joined them silently, feather-light steps that could have passed as falling leaves but Kaz knew them too well by now.
“Did you tell her to meet us at the eighth bell?” asked Inej, pulling down her hood.
Kaz nodded.
“Are you sure? You could have forgotten to mention it was in the evening,” added Jesper. “She could have thought it was eight in the morning.”
Kaz glared, “When have we ever met up at eight in the morning?”
“I saw a light from the window,” Inej continued, gesturing to the small window on the side of the house. There was a light coming from the living room. Part of him felt a rush of relief, wanting to believe that you were safe and just forgot but realistically, that was too good to be true.
“Then let’s go up those,” Jesper eyed the fire escape.
“We’ll meet you inside,” said Kaz, giving Inej a nod.
“I got you a cake!” your mom said, clasping her hands together.
“You got a cake?” you asked, scanning your parents’ face.
The last time you got a cake was when you were ten and you had expected it to be the first and last one of your life. You were torn between feeling ecstatic over the surprise or guilty because you knew it cost over two months of your parents’ wages. Looking at them, you couldn’t bring yourself to ruin their happiness.
“I’ll get the cake,” you said instead.
There was no use arguing about something that was already done. Maybe you would find a way to let them down gently the next day. Something like hey, maybe next time we shouldn’t spend two-month worth of salaries on a birthday. You entered the little corridor that connected to the main entrance and the kitchen. But then you stopped when you reached the dark kitchen.
There were footsteps. Excellently light ones. Unfortunately for them, you had been working long enough for the Crows to miss such noises. They were trained assassins, professionals. And whoever they were, they weren’t going to make it through tonight.
You grabbed a kitchen knife, eyeing the cardboard box on the counter. It must have been the cake. You shook your head. There was no time for cake. You pressed your back against the wall and waited. You calmed your breathing, one hand clutching onto the knife, the other prepared to throw a punch if the knife failed.
On the tiled floor of the kitchen, a shadow appeared. Your grip tightened. Another shadow wearing a … hat? You could easily take down two people. Then, you saw the shape of a cane. What? Then, the window clicked open, followed by the unmistakable click of a pistol cocking.
You had no time to waste. Jumping out from the shadows, you held the knife up, ready to puncture through a man’s heart. But instead of some random person, your eyes met a pair of familiar dark brown ones. If this wasn’t him, then whoever did it must have been an excellent Tailor. Because looking at him now, you couldn’t find any fault.
“Kaz?” you whispered.
He didn’t reply but his eyes softened at the sight of you.
“What about me?” Jesper.
“Y/N?” A third voice asked.
You whipped your head around, finding Inej in the doorway where you stood moments ago.
“Inej? Why are all of you here?”
“We’ll give you answers as soon as you put that away,” said Jesper, gesturing to your knife with his pistol.
“I will once I know you’re not imposters.”
“Why didn’t you come to our 8 o’clock meeting?” Kaz asked.
Before anyone could reply, your dad called from the living room. “It’s on the counter, dear!” he said.
“Yes, I got it,” you replied. “Give me a moment.”
“Got what?” Inej asked.
“The cake,” you nodded towards the box on the counter.
Jesper’s eyes lit up, “There’s a cake?”
“I didn’t come because it’s my birthday.”
All eyes rested on Kaz who seemed just as surprised as Jesper a second ago. You had an agreement that you would get a day off on your birthday. It was one of the many things that set Kaz apart from all the others in this business. No matter how many times he dismissed his kindness as a way to protect his investments, you knew it was his way of caring for you all. He didn’t see you as his weapons but rather as humans, as his friends.
Your dad called you again.
“Coming!” you said.
“Oh, are your friends here for your birthday?”
You jumped. That sounded like it came from much closer than you expected.
Your dad stood in the hallway, staring into the dark kitchen with a small smile. How odd can this day get? First the three of them broke into your house and now they were meeting your father.
You hid your knife behind your back, nervously eyeing Kaz. This was not going well at all.
“Yes,” he answered with a rare grin. “We’re Y/N friends. I’m Kaz. That’s Inej-”
“Hello, sir,” Inej said.
“Jesper, sir. We apologize for being a little late,” Jesper said, walking out from behind Kaz and shook your dad’s hand. Always the charmer that one.
“Nice to finally meet you all. I didn’t know Y/N had friends. Please join us in the living room.”
Jesper and Inej gave you hesitant looks. Well at least Inej did. Jesper was just dying to be invited.
“Please, we insist,” you said.
“Alright! We will,” Jesper grinned. “Are you coming, Kaz?”
“I’ll help Y/N with the cake,” Kaz said.
“Did you think I was kidnapped or something?” you asked once you two were alone.
“Yes,” he said, watching you lift the cardboard box to reveal a chocolate cake.
“I should have given you a heads up. You’re not a calendar, can’t assume you can remember everything.”
That was the problem, he did remember. He knew your birthday. He had been looking forward to it since the beginning of the month. He even got you a gift. Yet somehow, between all the upcoming heists, he managed to forget the most important thing.
“Are you going to help me at all, Kaz?”
“Take this.”
You narrowed your eyes, placing the cake back down. You kept your eyes on Kaz as he produced something from his pocket. As he held them in his hands, you recognized what they were. Gloves. But not just any regular old gloves. You studied the intricate stitching.
“Aren’t those your gloves?”
“No, mine are too big. These, I had made to fit your hands. Try.”
You took them from him, slipping your fingers into them with ease. He was right. They fit like, well, like a glove. The velvet lining inside provided enough warmth without being too bulky.
“Thank you,” you said, making a fist before stretching your fingers out again. “I love them.”
“They protect your hands. And I need them protected if we are to continue this.”
“Kaz, are you saying...Does that mean I’m a-“ You had been waiting for this for so long, you didn’t think it would actually happen. “Oh, this might be my best birthday yet!”
“Don’t get excited. It’s dangerous work,” he said, walking away.
“Finally! Welcome home, crow,” Jesper clapped, floating in from the corridor after Kaz had disappeared. “You better give me that cake now, Y/N or else I won’t be working with you.”
“Give it to him, Y/N or he’ll bite your hands off,” Inej added, leaning against the doorframe.
You laughed, placing it in Jesper’s hands.
“So what did Kaz say?” Jesper asked, no longer interested in the cake. “Did he tell you he liked you?”
Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel, Mr. “I was only protecting my investments” liked you? Impossible.
“No, he gave me these,” you held up your gloved hands.
Jesper’s eyes went wide, lips falling open. “Saints, Inej. Come look. Matching gloves. Kaz is done for.”
“Done for what?”
“Oh, darling,” Inej smiled. “That’s basically Kaz saying he loves you.”
🏷 : @milkbaer @5hundreddaysofsummer @korol-lantsov @jjficz @bicyhot1 @shadowhuntyi @keithseabrook27@gallysonegoodlung @subjecta13-thefangirl @timeknightt
taglist guidelines have a read and tell me what you’d want to be tagged in or removed from 🥰
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fishley · 3 months ago
kaz brekker x fem!reader
during a heist, y/n, matthias, kaz, and wylan come across a fairy-loving four-year-old.
request: @ofrosesandteacups
warnings: mild fluff; established relationship.
wc: 1.5k
a/n: this was so cute !! i based it off this little girl i (almost) regularly babysat while volunteering at a women’s shelter. she didn’t talk much, but when she did, she didn’t stop and she was so cute
thank you for your request <3
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Y/N huffed. “I hate this dress,” she grumbled.
“I quite like mine,” drawled Wylan, straightening out his suit jacket. “Brings out my curves.”
“You have no such thing,” Matthias chaffed.
“You’re the prettiest princess in the room, Wylan,” said Y/N, chin lowered enough so she was looking at him through her eyelashes.
“Do you really mean that?” he inquired, eyes wide with hope.
The two of them broke into a wheeze.
“I would laugh, but I think if I did, I’d break a rib,” Y/N commented.
“Women in Fjerda wear corsets all day,” said Matthias. He was the tallest in the room, standing out so blatantly it made the other two want to curl into themselves. “I don’t know how you’d survive.”
“Yet another reason to never want to go to Fjerda again.”
His eyes narrowed slightly.
“Sorry,” she mumbled.
“If anything, I think Kaz is the prettiest princess in the room,” Wylan insisted.
Dirtyhands slowly looked down at him from two stairs above, raising an unimpressed brow.
“It was a compliment, Kaz. For the love of all Saints. Take it.”
Rather, he shifted his gaze back out amongst the crowd, waiting for the mercher who owned the home to find himself busy in the kitchen.
“What is taking him so long?” mumbled Matthias.
“It’s Jesper,” Wylan stated dryly. “Why are you expecting anything more from him?”
“You’d think he’d learn how to tell time by now.”
“Not once since I’ve known him has he been early,” Y/N remarked.
“What about on-time?”
“When was that?” the Fjerdan’s head tilted quizzically.
“When we kidnapped you.”
His eyebrows shot up, then he nodded. “Alright.”
There was a flinching crash that erupted from the room over. A collective of “Aws” and “Ohs” as well as annoyed chatter floated out from around the corner.
Wylan shrugged, “A little late, but that’s alright.”
“Damn right,” Y/N muttered. “Go. Go.” She pushed Wylan up the stairs behind Matthias and Kaz.
To all of their surprises, the office was unlocked.
“Idiot,” Dirtyhands mumbled. “Matthias, take off the painting.”
As instructed, he lifted the enormous portrait of the ballet dancer from the wall. Kaz’s eyes were almost alight at the safe built into the wallpaper.
“Does he look at me the way he looks at stolen goods?”
“Yes,” Matthias and Wylan said in unison.
Y/N’s eyes widened and her nose scrunched. Meanwhile, the mastermind was too galvanized by the dial on the black box to notice their commentary.
A small, but dramatic, gasp caused everyone besides Kaz to spin around.
“Wylan, keep it down, will you?” he said.
“That wasn’t Wylan …” Y/N mumbled.
When Kaz turned to the target of their gazes, he spotted a stupified child standing in the middle of the room, big yellow stars on a blue nightgown reaching just past her knees. Her hair was in two braids, strands that looked as though they were hanging on for dear life not to come loose. She couldn’t have been more than four years old.
“How the hell did she get in here?”
“Oi, watch your tongue,” Y/N nearly snapped, head turning back to look at him. “We’ve got a wee lass in our midst. Let’s keep it her father’s fault for when she becomes corrupted.”
“Is that who you think about?” said Matthias.
Her head whipped to him, expression full of rage. She pointed a finger at his amusement. “I swear to all Saints and my dead grandmother, you may be 6’4, but I will still ram you down like a brig to a canoe.”
“Wylan,” Kaz bit out.
“Do you see how small she is?” he exclaimed. “She could have come up from the floorboards!”
“Are you a fairy princess?”
The room suddenly became deadly silent. If it weren’t for the party downstairs, you’d be able to hear their breathing.
The little girl had an almost unnoticeable lisp. She was staring right at Y/N. Her eyes were wide in curiosity. Y/N couldn’t help but smile at her innocence.
A small groan escaped her lips as her breathing constricted once more from kneeling down. She flattened a palm over her stomach as she forced out: “Yes, I am.”
The merchant’s daughter gasped again. “I knew it! I knew you were real!” As her small arms threw themselves around Y/N’s neck, the thief searched the wall frantically. Her eyes caught on a few drawings in wooden frames, but only one of them was signed.
“Wait!” Delilah exclaimed, pulling back. “Why are you here with Papa’s safe?”
“Because, Delilah—”
She gasped again. “You know my name?”
“Yes. All fairy princesses know their friend’s names.” She couldn’t help but grin as the four-year-old squirmed with joy, her small legs and arms doing a little jig. “Delilah, your papa has stolen magic dust from the sprites. My prince charming and I are here to get it back, but you weren’t supposed to see us. Can you keep a secret, Delilah?”
She nodded vigorously. “Yes. Yes. I can keep a secret. I won’t tell anybody. I promise. Oh, I’m so mad at Papa! I’m gonna get so mad at him!”
“No, no, you can’t say anything. Sulk, throw a tantrum, give him the silent treatment, don’t react. Anything but tell him the reasoning.
“Once adults find out fairies are real, their magic dies. And do you know what happens when fairies' magic dies?”
Her eyes became as wide as saucers, the diamond iris on display. “They die?”
“Yes, they die.”
Matthias and Wylan snorted lightly from behind her.
Delilah whispered, “Which one is your prince charming?”
The grin that grew on Y/N’s mouth became too big, causing her to shove her bottom lip between her teeth. She turned to fully face the others and pointed to Kaz, whose expression didn’t flinch despite not understanding.
“Really?” Delilah whispered as though he was the most extraordinary thing she’d ever seen.
“Are they fairies too?” she said a little louder, poking out a chubby finger toward the other two in the room.
Y/N smiled, “Yes, they are my royal guards.”
Neither of the boys could help but smile, as if the lie gave them a dash of confidence.
“Wow,” Delilah breathed.
“Now. Where are your parents?”
“Well,” she strung out the word. “Papa is downstairs because he is having a party with his friends and Mumma is sleeping but she gets very tired during the day because she’s super busy so she won’t wake up and Papa already put me to bed but, don’t tell him, but I don’t actually go to sleep, I just sit at the top of the stairs and listen to him and his friends talk—they’re very weird—sorry. Mumma says that’s not a nice word. They’re very different—but then I saw you and I followed you!”
“Okay. Let’s get you back to bed, then, huh?” Y/N straightened out the sleeve of her nightgown and took her small hand. “Come on.”
“Goodnight prince charming!” Delilah grinned at Kaz, whose eyes snapped open wide.
“Yes, that’s him, bedtime, let’s go. Say goodnight, Delilah.”
“Goodnight, Delilah,” Wylan and Matthias said in unison, the upturn of their lips evident in their tone.
Kaz still hadn’t replied. And once they were outside the closed door, Y/N could hear the two boys burst into a fit of hysterical laughter. She could only imagine what Dirtyhands’ expression was like. Luckily, she didn’t just have to imagine.
Kaz appeared just as brooding as she expected on the walk home.
“I’d say that plan went exceptionally well,” said Wylan, his voice bouncing off the walls of the buildings.
“Oh, yes. It was the best heist yet. What do you think …” Matthias walked backwards to face Kaz, a wicked grin on his lips. “Your Highness.”
“Watch it, Drüskelle.”
“Oh, leave them be,” hushed Y/N, hooking her pinky around his. “They’re only making fun.”
“And it’s annoying.”
“When are they not?”
The smile on her face faded.
“Why won’t you look at me?” she said.
“What are you talking about?” Kaz retorted.
“Ever since I came back to the room you haven’t looked at me.”
He turned his gaze toward her and lifted a sculpted brow. “I’m looking at you right now.”
“That’s not what I see in your eyes.”
His other eyebrow lifted as if to say “Really?” and she mocked the gesture. Kaz spluttered, then sighed in defeat.
“I liked seeing you with her.”
“Kaz Brekker has normal human emotions towards his girlfriend? Who would have ever thought of such a possibility?”
He rolled his eyes, but she could see the smile he was stifling in the corners of his lips.
“If it’s any consolation, I could tell,” she added.
“Your face was blank the whole time. You do it when you’re giving something your full attention. It’s sort of like your scheming face just, without the crease between your eyebrows.”
Kaz had trouble refraining from showing his adoration toward the assassin, then.
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herxondale · a month ago
— Jet Black Heart.
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Kaz Brekker x Fabrikator!Fem!Reader
In which Kaz Brekker is overwhelmed by his feelings for you.
Requested: SUPPOSED TO BE, but I've gone overboard.
Warnings: Six Of Crows spoilers? Mentions of drinking.
W/C: 2.8K.
A/N: I'm still bitter at this I SWEAR. I'm so so sorry for the anon who asked for a Fabrikator Reader. I started writing and only noticed this story is barely what you wanted later. I'll still write your request! Just couldn't ignore this one. <3 PLUS, MY FIRST KAZ CENTERED STORY, LET'S GO.
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Kaz limped downstairs, determined toward your room, which was almost hidden at the end of the second floor. You had asked for the one closest to the plumbing, and although Kaz had disliked the idea, he spoke nothing about it and granted your request.
In the days when his leg was bad, reaching your room was a nightmare. Perhaps this was the reason why you chose such a place—you wanted to stay away from him. The thought caused Kaz discomfort, and he refused to ponder more about it.
He knocked on the door. The carefully secured paper between his fingers was enough sign of his stupidity. Even so, when you invited him in, your voice muffled through the wooden door, Kaz allowed himself to give in to that little moment of foolishness.
He looked around twice, ensuring that no one peered into the shadows, and walked in. Your curtains were tightly closed, and Kaz knew that you had used some extension of your power to reinforce the glass of the windows. You trusted the Wraith, and knew she would never spy on your room, let alone on Kaz’s orders. However, you had more to lose than the others should your secret be revealed. Every precaution was welcome and necessary.
You were lying on the covers, wearing a loose white blouse with the top buttons unbuttoned, showing the line of your collarbone, and dark pants that hugged your curves perfectly. An overwhelming feeling of desire hit Kaz like a punch in the stomach, and upon noticing his presence, you sat down. With that, Kaz saw that a book whose title he could not read was open on the mattress, and that next you rested a plate of biscuits. The crumbs spread over the sheet and fabric of your blouse. He had to stop to catch his breath.
You lifted one of the biscuits from the plate and waved it at him. “They are apple and cinnamon flavored, recommended by Inej. You want one?”
Kaz felt the sudden urge to wipe the crumbs from your clothes and touch your face. He could have crossed the room in noisy footsteps. He could have dropped his cane and laid down next to you. He could have wrapped you in his arms and confessed how much he wanted you. If you two were anyone else, anywhere else, he would have done it. It would be that easy.
But nothing would ever be easy for him.
Therefore, Kaz rearranged his thoughts and showed the paper to you. “I need you to—”
“No,” you vehemently denied, and bit the biscuit he refused experimenting.
Kaz blinked, but soon hid his own surprise, arching his eyebrows and maintaining a neutral expression. “You don’t even know what I was going to ask for.”
“You brought me a paper that, I must say, contains several texts and words piled up. It isn’t difficult to assume that you expect me to falsify a document.”
You broke a biscuit in two and ate a half. Kaz had to take his eyes off your fingers. “And?”
“We’ve known each other since we were fourteen. For this reason, and from what I imagine, the friendship we have, I agreed to falsify some of your documents. That doesn’t mean I like or want to do it.”
“We’re not friends,” he answered. I can’t see you only as a friend, not anymore, Kaz thought. But the words died on his throat.
The hurt disappeared from your face as quickly as it appeared. “You won’t convince me by getting on my nerves. Also, if you continue to appear with perfectly forged documents, people will notice. And you know what a doubt of this magnitude would cost me.”
Persecution. Slavery. In worst-case scenarios, death. Your power was not as apparent as that of Corporalki or Etherealki, but this did not mean that your life would be less in danger if others found out. Kaz would destroy Ketterdam before allowing them to touch a strand of your hair.
“It’s the last time, I promise,” he extended the paper. You got up, and Kaz moved his fingers forward, purposefully brushing them on yours.
“It better be, or I’ll sell your favorite coat and give the money to Jesper to spend on gambles.”
You snapped the paper from his slender fingers and scanned it, your face set into lines of concentration. Kaz watched as you read, as your mind scanned the words and worked on how you would bring the copy to life. You went to one of the floorboards. It was not loose, on the contrary, tightly fastened by a nail made of Grisha steel—but with a single touch of yours, the nail came loose, and you pulled it up, lifting the board and grabbing your Fabrikator kit out of the cache.
It was small, a mere imitation of the one the Fabrikators of the Little Palace used, but it was all you had. You ran your hand through the box, wiping off the layer of dust that has accumulated over the months. Inside it were pots of ink, powdered pigments and rolls of paper and parchment.
“I’ll need silence and patience. Come back in at least half an hour,” you demanded.
You didn’t exactly have a table, so you sat on the floor, spread the papers and snapped your fingers. Kaz knew that you would smear the tips with ink and powder, but walked to your bed nevertheless. He took the plate with biscuits and placed it next to your leg. He felt stupid. You would not dare to eat unless you wanted to catch an intoxication or completely lose focus. Still, the smile you opened in gratitude made his heart jump.
With a last glance, Kaz left and considered returning to the office. However, he continued his walk down the stairs. He found Jesper at one of the gambling tables, and when the sharpshooter was about to put another kruge note on the table, Kaz hit him with the tip of his cane.
“Ouch! What was that for?” He questioned, but Kaz did nothing but to point with his head towards the bar.
Jesper followed and took his place behind the counter. He took two clean glasses and got out of Kaz’s line of sight so that Dirtyhands could scan the available drinks. Kaz thought of you, the lines of your face and your irritatingly contagious smile. He thought of those four years by your side, watching as you grew to become more skilful, strong, and agile. He thought about what kept you at the Slat, what he would do once you left, now that he was so used to your presence.
He hated the bitter taste in his mouth brought by those intrusive thoughts. Kaz wanted to drown them; wanted to drown the stubborn image of you in his mind. The image that refused to leave him. “Give me the scotch.”
Jesper pointed to the bottle that kept the chosen drink. “Are you sure? That one’s pretty strong.”
“Jesper,” Kaz warned through gritted teeth.
The sharpshooter did not contest any longer. Instead, he poured the scotch in Kaz’s cup and did the same for himself. Kaz watched intently as Jesper swallowed the drink at once and grimaced.
“Why don’t you use it?” He questioned. The alcohol remained untouched in his glass.
Kaz did not have to complete the sentence, use the forbidden word. Grisha. Jesper knew well what he meant, and for that reason, his normally so relaxed face writhed in enraged lines. Kaz made sure to hide his interest in a neutral expression.
“Nothing good comes from it, Kaz,” answered Jesper, pouring himself another shot.
Wrong, he thought. Because your eyes shone ethereally when you used your power; because you had a fierce and contented expression whenever you achieved the desired result; because you came from it. And if to the world, you were not something good, then he would make them see the destruction that a truly cruel bastard was capable of doing.
“Won’t you drink that?” Asked Jesper after a second of silence.
Kaz rolled his eyes. He caught the cup and made it slide down to the sharpshooter’s hands, watching as Jesper finished his third shot. “What if I tell you to pay for those drinks?”
The corners of Jesper’s mouth squirmed in a thin line of nervousness before opening into his best charming smile. “Then I’d pay you for my services with my astounding shooting skills.”
“Is that what you’re offering to the guys at the table?” Kaz pointed his head at the customers with whom Jesper had been gambling a few minutes ago. Before he could answer, Kaz demanded “Go watch the door, Jesper.”
“Right,” answered the sharpshooter, resigned, yet relieved to have stepped away from Kaz’s questions.
Kaz watched him go to the door. It was not necessary to have given such an order, both he and Jesper knew that the door already had enough security guards. But something in Kaz complained and struggled every time he saw Jesper sink more into addiction, spending more money, taking more loans, owning more people, telling himself that that would be the last time, the last bet, the last gamble. So he would have Jesper guard the door, return to his office and pretend not to know that the Zemeni would return to the tables the instant Kaz closed his door.
But the thirty minutes had passed, and now Kaz’s only thought was to get to you.
His leg complained as he limped up the stairs. Kaz did not give a damn, his thoughts filled by you. When he first saw you, he was fourteen. At the same age, you made your name on the streets and got your space as a member of the Dregs, with nothing but determination, knowledge in martial arts and a penknife in your pocket.
You were there when he broke his leg, and insisted on accompanying him to the Fabrikator who would make his cane. You have carefully studied every movement, every part of the process that created the weapon, the Crow Cane, the object that would soon become Dirtyhands’ greatest symbol. You were the exact reason the cane became a perfect weapon. You guided the Fabrikator by having him shape it in a way that would fit Kaz’s hand perfectly; in a way that the cane was Kaz’s even when held by someone else.
You guaranteed that it was a weapon made for Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, The Bastard Of The Barrel. And anyone else who dared to use it would be a stranger, an invader.
It was at that moment that he realized. The reason your hands were so calloused, and your nails, so stained with ink. He saw you, in that place full of Materialki, and was unable to imagine you anywhere else. Your place was there, watching, commanding, ensuring that everything was done to perfection. And then came the pain; the sudden realization that you were not meant to be by his side; the ache in his heart with the possibility of a future without you in it.
He confronted you, overwhelmed by anger at the idea of losing you, by resentment that you did not tell him that you were a Fabrikator. And then, Kaz saw the fear in your eyes, the dread of a Grisha. Of someone who was doomed to suffer horrors affair outside the borders of Ravka. And Kaz noticed he was worse, a more selfish bastard than he ever imagined himself to be. Because your place was where he could protect you; where he could reach you; where he could count on you to ponder about future heists and projects.
You saw him rise, you saw him create a name for the Dregs, for the Crow Club. You spent nights side by side, shoulders barely touching, sharing a pair of binoculars, observing escape routes and the security of a merchant’s house.
You’d be wherever Kaz was. Or he’d be wherever you were. It was no longer possible to separate you. Like a tear in the natural fabric of things, a mistake of Inej’s Saints.
He forgot to knock on the door, and when he saw you, your biscuits were untouched on the plate, your forehead sweating and writhing in concentration. You spared him no more than a glance before returning to the task at hand. The falsification was almost complete, the words stretching in black ink to the end of the page.
“You own me new biscuits,” you said, closing the bottle of something dark and putting the pot back in the kit.
If you were a dedicated and passionate Fabrikator, Kaz would have bought more colors. You would have a rainbow of ink and powders, whatever you wanted. Instead, you asked for biscuits. Kaz wouldn’t have you any other way.
“If you manage to finish this document, you will have kruge to buy as many cookies as you please,” he lied.
Kaz gave you an old and outdated document, no longer used or required in Ketterdam’s port for the ships sailing out. The original had one more page and so many clauses that you would kill him if he dared to ask you to falsify it.
It was a stupid move. If, at some point, he needed you to copy the real document, you would notice the pattern—and kill him anyway for wasting your time falsifying something useless. But he needed a reason, any reason, to talk to you.
You pushed the papers to the side and pulled a cloth from the kit to wipe your fingers. “Wait for the ink to dry and the shipment paper is all yours.”
Kaz sat on the floor and watched your movements. Jesper didn’t use his Grisha powers because he claimed that nothing good came from it. But what about you? What, besides the unbearable odor of the inks, prevented you?
“[Name],” he called. You hummed, absentmindedly wiping your fingertips. “Why are you so against using your powers?”
You stared at him. Upon asking Jesper the same, he received an irritated expression and a vague answer. However, your face was bored, almost uninterested, as if you could not bother less with the subject.
“I’m not against it. I simply don’t see why I should use it.”
Kaz wondered if he looked as bewildered as he felt. But considering how you stared at him, his mind did not have to wander much further. “Grishas get sick when they don’t use their power. It should be reason enough.”
“I don’t feel sick.”
“I use my powers, Kaz. Sometimes I melt a little of my doorknob, so that it’s a few millimeters smaller. Other times, I search for the plumbing in the wall, and force myself to feel every ore it contains . In most of them, however, I only sharpen the blade of my penknife.”
You groped your pocket for the penknife and then showed it, as if to prove your point. Kaz, however, could not bother less with the blade. His eyes were stuck to your face, amazed by the way that every inch of skin seemed to form a perfect frame.
“And, of course,” you said, calling him to reality. “I sometimes forge a document or two to a particular person.”
Kaz grinned. “He must be insufferable.”
“He isn’t, actually. Bossy and reclusive, for sure, but he has a certain charm. He’s mine—My personal headache.”
He’s mine. Kaz did not dare to think. He ripped off one of his gloves and gave it to you. Your face was pure shock. “Use it. This way you’ll be able to eat the biscuits.”
“Kaz, the ink will stain—”
“I don’t care. And don’t make me repeat myself.”
You hesitantly took the glove and put it in one of your hands. He watched as you picked up one of the biscuits, and the crumbs spread with your first bite. You smiled and closed your eyes, pleased with the taste. A sigh escaped from your lips and when you stared at him, Kaz felt the air escaping from his lungs.
“I forged an annoyingly large documentation for you. The least you can do is eat a biscuit with me.”
He smiled. And for the first time, he did not feel compelled to hide. Kaz took one of the biscuits from the plate, and chewed more slowly than it would be necessary, trying to prolong that moment with you, to mark your laughter in his mind as a quote in a good book.
Perhaps one day, his simple touches would turn into something bigger; perhaps one day, he would ask you to stay, confess what he felt. But while that moment did not arrive, Kaz would observe you and invent reasons to talk to you.
Because you were the most valuable piece of art he ever dared to steal.
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lina-lovebug · 6 months ago
Kaz Brekker x Heartrender! Reader!
Warnings: none
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You didn't notice it at first.
Working for the Crows, it was easy to miss the little things when relaxing or not on the job. It was no secret that Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, was closer to you than he was with anyone else.
At first it just started with annoying him by never leaving his office when he was in it. You claimed that it was the quietest place in the Crow Club, and reluctantly and slowly, he got used to your presence. You were usually reading or just staring off, thinking anything to make the time pass by.
Kaz admitted you were an annoying presence at first, but learned it was because you didn't like being alone. You thought it only made it easier to let people slip away, and he understood that. What he didn't want to admit was that the months tolerating your presence turned into a normal thing, just you and him after hours in content silence. Then, he expected you to be there, and it brought a small tug to his lips each time you greeted him with a bright smile and a small wave. If you weren't there, he felt saddened but never dared to ask you why.
That's when Kaz Brekker realized he was falling in love with you.
You had feelings for him for a few months, which is why you had started making it a point to be around him. Your heart almost broke when he fell infront of you once, reminding you that he's mortal and you're Grisha. You made it a promise to yourself that you'd protect him, even if your love was useless.
Due to the time passing, or him not returning your feelings.
One night, you were simply reading through a book of poems, and flickered your gaze to Kaz.
He looked tired, but you admired how his hair fell perfectly around his face and his jaw structure. How could a human be so beautiful? You thought to yourself before noticing a heartbeat quicken.
And it wasn't yours.
Your gaze sharpened on him as you listened closer to his heartbeat, slowly speeding up as he straightened himself on his chair and that's when you caught it.
His eyes.
He glanced at you, and he was caught in your trance. He couldn't help but stare, and a blush along with a sly smile made its way to your rosy lips. He awkwardly coughed and looked away.
"What?" He asked, nervous now that he was aware that you could hear his urgent heart.
"I love you."
His eyes widened, and he felt like his heart skipped a beat. He wasn't sure what to say or do. He couldn't say it back because he wasn't sure he loved you yet, only that he had a passion and affection towards you.
He wanted you.
But his fears drove him back.
"I heard your heart. I know you like me - that you feel something for me, but you don't have to give me an answer now. I'll wait for you."
God, he wanted to cry.
Wait for him? You've just said you loved the Bastard of the Barrel, and that you don't need an immediate answer from him. That you were content waiting for someone like him.
"No woman should ever wait for a man," He sounded like he was lecturing you, even without looking at you.
You simply chuckled.
"But waiting for Kaz Brekker himself will be worth it. I even await the day I get to kiss you."
He felt all the heat rush towards his face at your bold statement. You had imagined kissing him? HIM?! And you said it would be you to kiss him, not the other way around. He couldn't believe it, and suddenly poked his tongue out to lick his possibly chapped lips.
"You're my Heartrender and mine alone. So know that I always have you in my heart," That was the most you'd get out of him, and he felt a tingle within him as he expressed the best way he could his own feelings.
And that alone was more than enough for you.
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