#maybe he doesnt wanna tell me bc he doesnt return my love nd he knows i'llbe hurt nd he'll risk losing me as a friend

[skunkg1rll]

im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.

#unfortunately he has his own shit to deal w #so bc of one thing that was actually a mistake from me #he misjudged it nd saw it from his own perspective nd didnt understand mine #nd thus concluded that he saw me wrong nd didnt actually know who i am #nd then he had decided that so strongly he wasnt wven open to hear me out or try to understand what that situation was for me #that made me very sad nd hurt nd like #he doesnt actually like me as much as i like him #bc i would always always ask him nd hear him out before jumping to conclusions #i have asked him abt this but he is a wall nd doesnt wnna talk abt it #nd i cant force anyone so... yeh. it is what it is #i wish that we had the connection where he wanted to understandwhere i was coming from #instead of being like ughshe isnt the perfect image that i had constructed #so now im writing her off completely bc she doesntlive up to my expectations #but... my heart just loves him sm i can look past that #however... that is meaningless when i dont even know what he feels for me nd i cant get an answer out of him #maybe he doesnt wanna tell me bc he doesnt return my love nd he knows i'llbe hurt nd he'll risk losing me as a friend #i'd never stop talking to him tho.. that is the worst part #if imginna get over these feelings #i need to hear it straight from him. i need him to tell me thatno i am not in love with you #then i need to never talk to him again nd never lookat his social media #then it will hurt a lot but after a year or so i will only feel empty nd not hurt when i think of him #but i am tooweak to be the one to stop talking to him now #my entire day revolves around him nd i know its unhealthy but idk how to stop #since this obsession is unrequited i dont actually wanna feel it #but i have no idea how to stop #god this is driving me insane wtf is wrong w me??

[skunkg1rll]

funny how he said that he wanted communication nd then i tried communicating w him nd saying that it rlly hurt me when we were getting close nd he suddenly got a gf, nd that when they broke up nd we started to talk again i kept checking everyday being terrified that he'd do it again. he never acknowledged me saying that haha. and now it did happen again :))) even if he told me that im the closest person to his heart nd that im the only one he feels strongly that way for skskksks. nd even now when i confessed all my feelings to him nd begged him to save our connection nd to talk he still didnt. nd now i have no idea if he's just been using me this wholw time nd if any of it was real or genuine. i love him w all my heart. i thought he was genuine w me but i dont know if he was. bc he keeps hurting me by not talking to me or communicating. if he would just tell me that like yeah i dont feel that way for u anymore. i never did. i only want to be friends. i dont wanna be friends. i dont wanna talk anymore. etc etc etc. whatever it is, even if its just one sentence i wish hed just tell me. talk to me. but he isnt. and now im here all alone my heart breaking nd.. nd i rlly believed he cared abt me and my feelings. but does he? it rlly doesnt seem or feel like it. i wish he'd just tell me what hw feels for me - even if he rejects me. even if he says that if we'll still talk it'll only be as friends. but now i feel like he played my feelings. like he only strung me along, and kept me as an option. just in case the person he rlly wants never would want him, i could be his (not even first option tho) backup. maybe thats not reality but thats how it feels now. bc he isnt talking to me or saying anything. hes not saying anything at all and im all alone here w all my feelings no one cares abt and a broken heart idk how to mend. i love him so much i want him so bad and im not even the most hurt by him not returning my feelings. im hurt and upset that he made me feel like he wanted me, loved me and that he felt the same for me. and then he just .... publically talks to someone else nd how much he thinks of that person etc etc etc and then doesnt reply. he wont even talk to me or tell me what hes thinking. and that shows me that i rlly am not important to him. even if he told me i was and made me feel like it. im not bc he doesnt care that im here w a broken heart nd he wont even give me a goodbye or an explanation or anything. my heart hurts soooooo bad i dont know what to do