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wreckthelist · 7 years

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warmth: meeting Jack Lowden

Warmth. Sunshine.

That’s what it felt like looking at Jack Andrew Lowden sitting a few paces away from you.

(Honestly I should’ve picked the seats to the right of the theatre, but I wouldn’t end up with a clip of me asking him my question as I did. Forever thankful to the Indonesian girl sitting next to me.)

I walked into the theatre so surprised at how casual and low-key the event was. There was no stage, just chairs. No distance, just a table and water bottles within eye level. He’s going to be sitting right there, Jack. And Mark Gill, and the MC (whom I’d spotted when I dropped in at the Genesis around 2pm with my copy of War and Peace - for a 6pm Q&A. I was that keen. But also without knowing how intimate it was going to be.)

My heart raced when I took my seat. I tried talking to the girl next to me to calm myself down, branching out to trivial topics like messenger apps and all that.

“You must really like him,” she said, referring to my anxious gestures, including my spread-out palms rubbing both knees and shallow breathing (he wasn’t even in the theatre yet, guys. That’s the degree of pre-Q&A anxiety I had, if you wanted to imagine it.)

“N—I, well, it’s like this with anyone I come to meet,” I said, after taking quick pictures of the screen with my all-too-flimsy paper ticket (which is unfortunately lost, as of the time of writing), the empty chairs, and the Q&A slide.

“I just can’t believe it’s happening,” is what I think I said as an afterthought to her, before the MC came in and launched the event.

Here we go, I was thinking. Time’s ticking. Time’s now. In less than an hour and a half and he’ll be in here.

Him!

I had to come see him - was my thought when I saw that tweet. I was (quite rightly) shocked out of my mind that he’s attending the Q&A. I’d met Fionn and Tom before, and did not plan for this at all.

But Dunkirk fan tendencies aside, I genuinely love England is Mine, as you could probably tell from my gushing about the film infused with my utter helpless adoration toward the Mark Gill-penned young Steven Patrick Morrissey (god, I love the full name. Every. Single. Time.). Jack’s Steven is my favorite role of his to date. To date. No other. So to be able to hear Jack and Mark elaborate more on the film was a dream chance turned reality I hadn’t expected before.

I’d been looping the Hanlodge Productions’ England is Mine playlist on Spotify all week, for God’s sake.

(Especially Give Him a Great Big Kiss—and we all know why. I need an entire musical please. Oh man, that’s another thing I should’ve told him!)

By the time the final shots on Stretford and Manchester concluded the film, I’d already pulled out my pen, blank paper to take notes, and (obviously) phone.

I was going to write down the Q&A. I know it was being recorded, but all things be damned. I was going to.

(For my National Union of Students article, no less. So be on the lookout for that. This will be a fan experience blog entry.)

The film ended, and the MC gave the duo a grand introduction—“Mark and, the man behind Steven himself, Jack Lowden!”

They came in, sat down and grabbed water bottles.

And that was just it –Jack Lowden was in front of me.

(Whoa. Okay.)

The Q&A started with preliminary questions from the MC, as most Q&A’s go. My hand shot up the minute they opened the floor for questions, having rehearsed the ‘script’ in my mind for two days prior to this (self-explanatory as to why Steven’s introverted eyes and his skulking around corners of clubs in spite of the need to be around people and the music he loved resonate with me so).

“Hi Mark, Hi Jack,” I started, “My name is Anji (sad they didn’t say anything. It felt extraneous and ridiculous now, throwing that out. But whatever. It happened. I was cringing two hours afterwards, but that’s just me. I wouldn’t have said it if not for Katherine Pearce’s character in the film. It’s a trip every time I hear him say the line, “They’ve been like that for years, Anji,” in Steven’s voice, about six-ish minutes into the film.) This is my third time seeing the film.”

“Wow,” Jack muttered (and I wished that was recorded haha.)—even Mark Gill had a bit of a surprised look on his face.

“Thank you for the film. I love it.”

(There’s a whole lot of me wanting to say how much I love the cinematography, Jack’s performance, his take on Steven and the music….but I didn’t want to take up too much time. Then again, it was that voice in the back of my head talking to myself, no one else. Anxiety—TM.)

I’ll be honest here. I have no idea where I was looking when I was asking the question. I was so spaced out, verfremdungseffekt wise. I couldn’t even look at Jack. It was surreal and a bit too much that it was happening.

(Leave space for post-Q&A embarrassment room here.

Why, that must be some look on your face, Anji.)

But Jack was staring straight back at me, intent, when I was asking the question, listening, actually listening to me.

“My question is—I love Steven’s quirks—how’d you come up with them?”

“The physicality of it, you mean?” asked Jack, and I was thinking, oh god, I’m talking—I’m talking to Jack Lowden. He’s asking me a question. We’re conversing. We’re …having a conversation. An actual, honest-to-god conversation.

(I’d researched interviews before this, wanting to ask a question he hasn’t been asked before. And the quirks were the ones he brought up in an interview, proud that he’d thought of them himself. I wanted to hear him elaborate on them.

And if you’re wondering - he’s exactly as he is in the clips in person. Scratching his beard, fingers grazing his ear, eyes cast down at the floor when Mark Gill’s talking, a ridiculously short outburst of a charming laugh, and those gorgeous, beaming eyes that could brighten someone’s day.)

So it went (as per the clip), and I told him, “The more I watch it, the more details I notice,” and he was nodding, smiling for the slightest second when he said, “Great.”

(Ah. Well.

Well.)

One girl asked him right after the Q&A, “Can you sign this for me?” And I knew it was go-time when he said yes.

Got off from my seat, books and notes and all (I’m a girl with many things. I’m a girl with two black rings.)

It was chill and casual and intimate beyond belief. Basically a bunch of us standing, crowding around him and talking. The girls praised his brown hair, and he turned back to the screen, said, “It was brown!” I was laughing along with them, trying to fish out my friend’s drawing.

(“What’s this? What’s this?” Jack asked, his voice surprised, incredulous, more like.

“It’s you,” I pointed out, quickly, “My friend drew it for you. She loves you.”

“Oh, oh wow,” and he’s glancing down and inspecting the drawing, “It’s amazing. It’s amazing.”

I asked him to sign it, of course, and, after a while (switching rounds with other girls) asked if he could take a picture with the drawing.

“Like this?” he asked.)

He had his arm around me when we took our selfie (over way too soon and way too fast, I think). His hand was so warm, and that I’ll always remember. (The first word on my Instagram caption of the selfie was warmth.)

He’s loud and friendly and funny, asking one of the girls (Holly, from our little Dunkirk events girl gang) if she’d bump him in the head again (after she’d told a story about accidentally bumping her head with his at the Dunkirk premiere), miming a boxing stance (HONESTLY!).

After a Korean fangirl informed him of the film’s presence at the film festival starting today, I had to step in and tell him.

(Nope. #ThailandRepresent. Had to. Wouldn’t not to. Couldn’t not to. More than my introverted self and the thoughts circling my head at being in that theatre at that moment, seeing him and sensing him and hearing him and watching him—was my pressing need to let them know we exist. That Thai fans love him so.)

“You have a lot of fans in Thailand,” his eyes widened when I said this.

“Oh really,” he replied, eyes locked on me (!!! I know. Same. The human equivalent of the exclamation marks, I was. And still am. If writing at 2:13am’s any clue.). He’s listening, truly listening all the way through.

“They all really love you, and everyone wants to watch this film, but it’s not in Thailand yet.”

I think I ran out of steam by that point and was basically the end of a tape—you know, when the filling’s used up.

I just kind of stopped, and then he didn’t say anything back, aside from nodding.

I know. Don’t look at me. I know.

(“And this mute here is Steven,” said Linder, in the film.)

So the girls hugged him and I was standing there wishing I could, but then there was no one to take a picture for me. And I couldn’t find a moment to.

Someone came and got Jack. He had to leave, but still found time to take selfies with Cora (another one of our gang). “The lighting’s better here too,” he said to her.

He’s joking around a lot with them. It’s lovely.

I rushed in, asked for another picture (“Can I have a picture too?”) and he took my phone, “So why don’t you just--?” and took a picture with him smiling behind me (bless).

(It’s the height difference. It must be. My timing’s not so good since we were in the middle of the hallway, but I didn’t know we were moving out after Cora.)

Then he had to go (for real), and we all trotted after him like the loyal, lovestruck groupies we were (and are, I guess. I just ordered the Making of Dunkirk book, thanks to Amazon’s one-day delivery and so forth).

He got up on the staircase to the right of the theatre (leading up to the Bar Paragon and Screen 1) and was looking down at us and waving.

“Bye guys!” he said.

“Bye Jack! Bye! Bye!” I was saying, along with the other girls, just awestruck and still riding on that high.

While I was standing there at the staircase, my brain was still processing that it was happening—had happened. Did happen. My eyes taking mental photographs of those smiling eyes and wide-stretched lips on his warm, friendly face. Those hands waving.

It’s the same with Fionn.

Would’ve taken a photo but was too busy taking in reality.

I’d met the man behind Steven Patrick Morrissey. I’d talked to him and saw him live, in real life, in the flesh. And he was a whole bundle of warmth, of abundant amiable nature and an infectious sweetness that lingered with his smiles.

I miss his voice already.

#Jack Lowden #England is Mine #cinematic wanderlust

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