#me being a human amongst other humans is probably not the cosmic mistake I tend to think it is

[reasonably-annoyed-fog]

People act like there’s an Us vs Them and that it’s for example Neurodivergent People vs neuerotypical, but like, I hang with a lot of people who have adhd like me, and they’re great and I love them and I feel sane and normal among them and also I know one person who has adhd like me and I can not be in the same room with them cause they make So Much Noise and the noise settles in my head and pushes my own thoughts out entirely and I get unreasonably angry, cause they won’t stop even when I ask them, and knowing fully well that I too can be a bit much sometimes doesn’t help.

And there’s people who afaik are neurotypical and Do Not Get It but their presence calms me down and they give me food and let me relax on their couch a little and say Oh no don’t worry it’s no trouble at all I love you oh you have adhd? No I never thought you were weird I just thought you were you.

And I know one person who isn’t diagnosed but they definitely have something going on and they told me I’m a calming presence cause I can dissect any situation and tell them what the core problem is and wether or not it’s actually a problem. And I’m glad I can do that for them but also my social battery is drained so much more quickly than theirs and they move at an entirely different speed when it comes to relationships.

I’m not sure what this puzzle is. Probably that we need variety. I need people who just let me be and I need people who challenge me and I need people who tell me the truth even if it might hurt my feelings a little and I need people who I can pass the kindness on to. I need people who I can work with well and who will go on the same wars as me and I need people who will pick me up by the scruff like a kitten and tell me I need to calm the fuck down, and I need people with whom I can talk about How Pretty That Dress In That Fantasy Movie Is, You Know The Dress The One That Sparkles.

I used to be like “Where’s my people and where do I look for them”, but I’m starting to think that’s the mistake. Because not to be like “well we’re all one people and we’re called the human race” (especially because some of my people aren’t people but dogs), but that’s what it comes down to isn’t it? There’s no us vs them and if there is, there’s infinite us’s and them’s and they’re all overlapping. We all need each other because existence is a puzzle.

Idk man, I have a headache

#ramblings #am I making sense? #my therapist theorized that maybe I take a little satisfaction in being annoyed at people all the time #which I don’t think is true but I am thinking about the people in my life #and how I relate to them #and I’m thinking maybe I should work on having more patience #like #me being a human amongst other humans is probably not the cosmic mistake I tend to think it is #I probably just need a nap #should I tag this for being long? #tell me if I should