#mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

Was doing some thinking today and realized that one of the reasons I'm really drawn to Kieran is because he's a rare example of a character that's shy (and usually good-hearted) but still has some rougher edges to him.

I feel like all too often shy characters are shoved into being portrayed as either "smol bean who would never hurt anyone and just wants friends uwu" or "brooding loner who snaps at people to cover up the fact they don't actually know how to socialize" with not a lot of wiggle room in between. While I can and do enjoy characters that (arguably) fall into those respective categories, they're a bit reductive in the sense that things are very rarely that black and white in reality. Even the kindest people have a limit to what they can tolerate. They have bad days or respond poorly to events around them that cause them stress. And the same can be said in reverse as well—point being, people are multifaceted and don't always behave as predictably as we'd like to think.

And I think Kieran reflects that dichotomy perfectly. When we first meet him, he's meek, timid, and relies heavily on his more brash and forceful older sister to help him navigate social situations where he would otherwise lose out on something valuable because he's too afraid to come forward and ask for what he wants (like how she has to ask the player to battle him on his behalf). He's often quick to cower whenever she starts to get heated, but he's also not afraid to point out when he thinks she's wrong and sometimes even gets sassy with her himself. He's undeniably sweet and gentle and shows eagerness to make friends with the player, but he becomes much more curt when he notices we're lying to him about Ogerpon. The rest of the Teal Mask storyline shows him fluctuating even further—yelling at Carmine and the player for keeping secrets from him, punching things in fits of anger...then backpedaling and apologizing for the trouble he caused a few scenes later. Spreading the truth about Ogerpon to everyone in the village to help make her happy...then selfishly demanding a battle to see who's worthy of being her Trainer when she has already clearly chosen the player.

After being lied to and suffering repeated losses at our hands (including the Pokemon he's idolized all his life choosing us over him), he leans even more heavily into his bitter side during the Indigo Disk—being cold and ruthless to pretty much everyone around him, but at the end of the day it's primarily overcompensation for what he perceives as his own personal weakness (because he's still just a kid trying to be taken seriously). He's shown to drop the act on multiple occasions—most notably when he's caught off guard by our appearance at Blueberry Academy and at a few points during the Area Zero expedition. He antagonizes the player up until the moment of his defeat and tries to catch and use Terapagos in a last-ditch moment of desperation that ends up going horribly wrong, but after everything resolves he's quick to admit his mistakes and asks the player for forgiveness and if they can still be friends. After the epilogue he's mostly back to his old self, but still seems to get worked up when provoked (e.g. when he yells at Drayton for refusing to stop calling him "ex-Champ" in one of their League Club Room interactions).

And I think this varied and sometimes contradictory behavior is precisely why Kieran is such a cohesive and believable character—because it shows how even kind, well-meaning people may have a hidden darker side that can show itself under the right circumstances. How they might let their insecurities get the better of them. How a shy, timid kid might not have the experience to know how to deal with sudden feelings of frustration and/or jealousy that are far too strong to keep to himself, so he lashes out as a result. How despite all this he remains kind, sensitive and loving at his core and shows willingness to learn from his mistakes. And that is what makes him so compelling to me.

#mel's musings #kieran #pokemon #all this to say i now have brainrot and you all are going to suffer for it #me: *sees any pokemon boy with attitude problems* son? son boy? he my son boy? ;_; #kieran is also. oddly relatable to me in a way #in the sense that i was a neurodivergent kid whose overstimulation issues among other things weren't taken seriously #and it made me really bitter and angry at both the people who caused them & the people that didn't know how to deal with me #i lashed out a lot back then. i yelled and hit and said things i didn't mean and lied so i could stay in control #and while i still think i deserved better than the shit the adults who were responsible for me put me through #i do regret a lot of what i did. and i try to make up for it by being as patient as i can with others #ALSO. oc tangent time. kieran and denise are very similar in this regard #dena felt a lack of control w/ her dad leaving but couldn't blame him bc then she'd have nowhere to vent her anger #but she's also too young and too hurt to blame herself. so she lashes out at her mom instead (granted. jen made some poor choices too) #but after her treasure hunt and her first trip into area zero she sees things in a different light and is able to reconcile with her #and that's the exact reason she's able to forgive kieran so quickly. bc she had been through a similar thing with jen #i am filled with a whole WHIRLWIND of ideas for my au denise and this cast are a match made in HEAVEN #forest for the tree #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

SOBS. WAILS. BAWLS EVEN

#mel's musings #forest for the tree #THIS KID. HAS ME IN A GODDAMN CHOKEHOLD I TELL YOU #i really ought to have given him something more fitting for dena but i may or may not have gotten caught up in the moment. whoopsie :p #(she'd probably have given him a baby sprigatito but unfortunately i did not have any on hand) #but my mascot. my fave. my pride and joy. it's his now and the mental image of them together has me MELTING ;_; #voicing him was a mistake. he is now my permanent Son Boy and there is nothing i can do about it #now to see if it's worth it to replace anything on my c team with a flapple evolved from the applin he gives you #because yes i have a c team now that's how long this playthrough is. also i just like the idea of dena using it i think it's cute :) #kieran #pokemon #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

NO FUCKING WAY?!?!?!?!?

#mel’s musings #WHAT IS WITH ME AND FINDING SHINIES SO EARLY IN THIS GAME #I FOUND A SHINY TAROUNTULA ON ROUTE 1 OF MY FIRST PLAYTHROUGH AND A SHINY SCATTERBUG ON MY SECOND. AJD NOW THIS #now the question is do i put her on the team in place of my eventual kilowattrel or no #it would make sense for dena bc she’s from johto and is biased towards its mons (she’s getting donphan for that reason) #but on the other hand it would give my team a MASSIVE ground weakness #with 4/6 members being weak to it (ninetales armarouge tinkaton and now ampharos. whereas kilowattrel would be immune) #it’s also got a sp. atk reducing nature which is gonna suck until i can get mints #but ampharos DOES have a wider movepool w/ significantly better type coverage which is important to me and my playstyle #hmmmm. many things to ponder #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

Now that I'm done with the main story I'd like to take some time to explain a small part about why Pokemon Scarlet (and Violet) mean so much to me—and why they were the first games in the series to make me cry in several years. (warning for discussions of parental death under the cut)

Generation 9 was the first time I was playing a brand new generation after my mom had passed from cancer a year and a half prior. I wasn't expecting to have this fact be relevant to my experience with the game, but one of first things that struck me not long after booting it up was the design of the player character's mom. She looked so much like my own mother that I genuinely had to take a step back from shock for a bit. But it was surely just a coincidence, right?

That initial double take moment aside, I continued through the game fairly normally, enjoying it quite a bit despite its fairly obvious graphical limitations and occasional glitching. I loved exploring the wide open world of Paldea; I'm very meticulous about being thorough in games and seeing what every area has to offer, and while I wasn't quite able to get to everything considering the sheer size of the map, I still did my damndest to clear out as much of it as I could. I loved the colorful cast of characters and the stories that accompanied them; Nemona was a bundle of joy (and I quickly claimed her as my lovely autistic daughter because that's what she is), Penny and the Team Star storyline were well thought-out and compelling, and Arven's quest, despite me being spoiled on a few details, was heart-rending and I was invested the whole way through.

Speaking of spoilers: I knew going into the game that Arven's mom/dad was canonically dead depending on which version you were playing. But that didn't stop the emotional impact of the final confrontation with the professor from hitting me the way it did.

As I said, my mother passed away due to complications from breast cancer; she spent an agonizingly long week in the hospital dealing with sepsis (among other things) before her condition took a turn for the worse and she was taken off life support on June 9th, 2021. During that time, I never got the opportunity to talk to her or even visit her—I asked over and over, but she was only allowed a limited number of visitors which were being taken up by other family members. My last in-person conversation with her was while helping her to bed one night, in which she told me she would have my dad take her to urgent care the next morning. At the time, I didn't even consider the possibility that she might not end up coming home. When that fact finally hit me a few days later, I wrote a letter making some promises to her (that I wasn't able to keep because the grief ended up hitting me like a truck) and telling her I loved her, but it was too little too late: my mom was on life support and only semi-conscious; my letter was read to her by my sister when she went to visit and I will never know if she actually heard my words. The day I was finally able to see her was the day she passed, where I held her hand for one final time and was met with.....silence. Obviously. But just because something is to be expected doesn't mean it won't hurt.

Long story short, I was not only dealing with the grief of losing her, but also the pain of not having proper closure; of being able to talk with her knowing for sure it would be the last time. So imagine my reaction when I realized that Arven was going through the exact same thing with his own mother—having been left behind without so much as an explanation, and then said mother dies before she ever has the chance to set things right with him. And his situation is compounded even further by having to contend with seeing the AI professor looking and speaking exactly like her, finally getting the acknowledgement from his mother he's wanted for so long relayed by the AI but finding himself struggling to accept it given how much it's too little too late, and then she leaves him behind too (albeit for more understandable reasons), meaning he essentially loses his mom twice over—all this while pushing through the trauma of revisiting a place that wounded the only companion he had so badly that he thought he might end up losing him, too. My relationship with my mother was not nearly as tumultuous as Arven's—but I could still relate to those feelings of loss and powerlessness and thus found myself shedding tears after the AI professor's final farewell. Because I saw myself in that grieving kid who just wanted closure.

Scarlet and Violet are by no means perfect games. But I would be lying if I said they didn't have a profound impact on me and helped me feel a bit less alone in my grief. And for that they'll always hold a special place in my heart.

#mel's musings #i still can't believe pokemon gave me the double whammy of a protag mom that looks like mine #AND a character with a dead mom less than 2 years after my mom passed. this shit is targeted i tell you #actually. pla was the first game that came out afterwards that i actually played. but you don't HAVE a mom in that game #well. i mean you PROBABLY do but it's not relevant because Isekai Bullshit #so yeah. first new game that mel plays after june 2021 where moms are relevant? #let's tear her heart into pieces why don't we. she'll love it (<-they're right. i DO love it but i hate that they know how to get me) #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

Continuity issues with Denise going to Kitakami this early aside, I went there, had more trouble than expected settling on a voice for Carmine, and got my Vulpix.

Between her and Charcadet I am going to decimate the first two gyms.

#mel's musings #forest for the tree #“but mel why are you using two fire types” LISTEN ok i needed vulpix bc dena's mom has a ninetales that's known her since she was born #jen's ninetales is dena's main source of emotional support with her family issues and depression and whatnot #and jen also lets her keep ninetales while she's adjusting to her new school life & during her treasure hunt #for my purposes she's there to fill out dena's team until i can use koraidon #and she'll also be the first member of her b team when i get back to the dlc content #which i don't plan on progressing any further in until after i've beaten the main story. again for continuity's sake #in my canon dena doesn't go to kitakami until the summer after her first treasure hunt. then she goes to blueberry a few months after #oh well. this wasn't the first issue and it definitely won't be the last #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO

#mel’s musings #forest for the tree #her hair isn’t right but the one option that was the correct length had bangs that were bugging me so i settled for this #oh well. i’ll get better options later #i cannot express how fucking excited i am to voice act this game again #especially nemona. she’s so bouncy and fun #and THIS’LL BE MY FIRST TIME VOICING THE DLC CAST. I HELD OFF WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT AND I AM UNREASONABLY EXCITED FOR CARMINE #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

Whoever decided the static Solgaleo at the Pokemon League building should have both Wild Charge and Flare Blitz in its moveset should be beaten to death with hammers

#mel's musings #pokemon #i looked it up and it seems those are part of the 4 level up moves it gets before the level it's caught at #so it's probably an oversight on the developers' part but still. i feel like recoil moves on catchable legendaries should be illegal #it killed itself in my game once already but i'm gonna try again after i eat dinner #i will be back in a few hours to let y'all know how many soft resets this bastard ends up taking me. wish me luck #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

*Dena voice* "Hey Syl you know that one 'mon you found in the woods when you were 8 that saved your life and is literally the whole reason you went on a journey? Well I randomly found it in an artificial wilderness at the bottom of the sea and we're besties now"

#mel's musings #forest for the tree #little songbird #again. for my purposes this is NOT canon but the whole situation is still absurdly funny to me so i had to make another joke about it #though melo being in the terarium is interesting considering my canon borrows from its portrayal in pokeani #which shows it as having a connection to the abyssal ruins which is also underwater. so that's a fun little link there #syl's meloetta arc isn't fully fleshed out yet bc i keep getting distracted by all my other aus so i STILL don't know how they reunite #but i've also been toying with the idea of dena calling syl to blueberry academy as a special coach #because why would i not she's literally a unova native. so maybe for this au specifically that's how it happens? #now i'm imagining her overhearing students talking about a singing mon in the coastal biome and just. BOOKING IT to the terarium fhdfshsfkl #god. i am This Close to writing out custom dialogue for syl jen martha cheren AND bianca as special coaches now and this is NOT HELPING #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

This game feels like a dating sim in some parts I swear

#mel's musings #forest for the tree #the second option is slightly more in character so that's what i went with #dena's not usually that forward but if she's given the chance to embarrass arven she'll take that shit without thinking twice #it's also kinda funny (and kinda fucked up) that kieran just HAPPENED to be standing next to them when i got this convo #cause to me his dialogue HEAVILY reads like he's got feelings for the mc (so he'd probably have a one-sided crush on dena too) #and if he does. i may have made a terrible mistake i fear #oh well. dena's 16-17 here she's allowed to be a little thoughtless sometimes #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

.....So I may or may not have been so busy gushing over Sada that I was too late to realize I accidentally created a time paradox. Whoops

#mel's musings #forest for the tree #this was my first time seeing this scene and my god i did NOT expect to have this kind of emotional whiplash from it #i was expecting to be sad. and i was #but i also spent several minutes just. in awe of her #could barely get through her dialogue. because i kept pausing to admire her fhskldfhsdf #sorry arven i think your dead mom's hot i said it (<-words probably also said by dena at some point) #but yeah her talking about him got to me. as expected #but then what REALLY spooked me was the screen fading to white and AUTOSAVING EVEN IF YOU HAVE IT TURNED OFF IN SETTINGS #WHICH I DID BTW. and then it goes back to the title screen with the piano and i just. sat there and thought “what have i done” #oh well. at least i got to stare into her eyes for a while. sorry who said that #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

Kieran's personality shift in the Indigo Disk is really hammering home to me that his voice is just an edgier version of Simon Keyes and I don't know how to feel about that

#mel's musings #they both started with the “timid boy” voice but there's some subtlety in that kieran was a meek timid while simon was more panicky timid #(AAI2 SPOILER WARNING) i knew nothing about simon's status as a villain going in so his character shift threw me for a loop #in the sense that i wasn't sure how i was going to make his vocal timbre work with a whole different vibe behind his dialogue #bc i do NOT like changing voices halfway through games unless it's super necessary. but i think i pulled it off pretty well in the end #kieran though? i knew it was coming. this is not my first time playing the game. but i feel like he's still a work in progress #as i said he's edgier and less bombastic than simon is. so i'd say his median range is lower despite being 10(?) years younger #and lower range tends to mean less room for me to convey emotion. i'm a soprano and can only go so low before i reach my lower limit #and trying to balance his new attitude while still making it clear he's a kid trying to be taken seriously is quite the challenge #plus he has less dialogue in general (pokemon ain't a visual novel) which means less time for me to find my groove #but damn if it's not fun. i love when he gets that diabolical lil smile and i get to reflect that in my reading it's SO satisfying #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

Dena and the besties on their way to get Traumatized™

#mel's musings #forest for the tree #penny #arven #nemona #pokemon #not pictured: mel Not Playing The Game for 5 whole minutes bc she was mesmerized by the area zero music just like the first time #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

Words genuinely cannot describe the absolute rush of excitement and happiness I feel when voicing Nemona in the final scenes of the Victory Road quest. She's so special to me

#mel's musings #one of the main reasons i love voice acting games so much is it helps me feel better connected to the characters #and there's nothing better than that rush you get when you're super zoned in on a scene with high emotional weight #whether that emotion is sorrow or determination or anger or joy.....it brings me satisfaction and catharsis in a way like no other #i suppose it's the performer in me. i give my all even if no one's around to hear me #nemona's story in particular really resonates with me as an autistic person with a special interest i dedicate a lot of my energy to #and unfortunately have some people chalk it up to natural talent while ignoring the work i put in to get so good #and being surrounded by that attitude fucked me up in some pretty insidious ways but i'll spare y'all that rant for now #point is i love her and her voice is one of my faves. i love all three rivals in this game they're such good kids ;w; #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

I FINALLY HAVE HER

you’ll never guess who she’s named after 🩷

#mel's musings #dahlia hawthorne 🤝 tinkaton #being tiny and pink and full of rage #could you imagine if miss dahlia ace attorney had a comically large hammer in place of her parasol #i think she should be allowed to wield one. it would be very based and sexy of her #maybe then she wouldn't have needed to resort to murder. who knows #also you can see in the sidebar everyone in my team is fully evolved now!!! #this will be my main team until after i beat the main story. ninetales will then be replaced by koraidon #she won't be gone permanently though. she's also gonna be part of the b team for when i get to the indigo disk stuff #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

Iono's voice is the most obnoxious thing I've ever created.

I love it so much.

#mel's musings #so high. so LOUD. not as nasal as i could be but it's enough that it even grates on my OWN ears a little #but i LIVE for any role that's super high energy like that #my FAVORITE character of all time to voice is undyne for that exact reason. because i just get to fuckin scream all the time fhdsfkhdskhs #iono's gym test is still ridiculously funny btw. what with the superchats and getting to fight her twitch mods #she's not my fave paldea gym leader but she's a lot of fun in her own right. and she's definitely one of my favorites to voice #mel plays scarvi

[relicsongmel]

Picking the bitchy options in this game feels 200x more cathartic while playing as Denise I swear

#mel's musings #forest for the tree #she's so mean LMAOOOOOO #but it's only to people she thinks deserve it. like arven was a dick to her in the beginning #but she didn't say no to nemona asking to be friends because there was no time for her to give off a bad impression #she'd probably show some hesitation with how overexcited nemona gets (plus being slow to warm up to people in general) #but she's not gonna be a bitch for no reason. and she does warm up to arven later on #their relationship is fun because they keep up the sass with each other even after they really become friends #it just becomes more lighthearted over time. i like their dynamic a lot #they've got similar family trauma/abandonment issues and it's a fun thing to explore #that said the early phase of their relationship is REALLY funny in its own right. dena my sass queen i would die for you #mel plays scarvi