#might also stop and get myself a better wrist brace from the pharmacy in that building too bc my thumb is getting more fucked by the day

[agayconcept]

i have my next HRT / gender affirming care appt today wish me luck ✌️🏳️‍⚧️🧃

#esp bc its awful weather so im gonna be in hella pain the whole time. lovely. #gotta ask abt some stuff and then mainly figure out the first few steps of dozens to get me approved for top surgery within a few years #might also stop and get myself a better wrist brace from the pharmacy in that building too bc my thumb is getting more fucked by the day #anywho #send good vibes y'all i could use em #diary #ducky's gender misadventure

[flippyspoon]

Your Guy

Note: Plotless fluff to rot your teeth. Eat your goddamn sugar.

The thing is Billy’s never known any other dudes who bone dudes. Which is not to say he didn’t fool around with a couple of guys before Steve but he can’t say he really knew them, it wasn’t like they had long intimate talks in between furious handjobs and anyway, those guys were pretty insistent about how they weren’t homos, so it’s not like they were going to say anything useful even if Billy had given them the chance. The point being, Billy doesn’t know what a relationship--like a real relationship between two dudes--looks like. He honestly never gave it much thought as there were too many other things to think about, like hiding shit from his dad and general fucked up dad related stuff and also what boning Harrington would be like and also some school shit, and eventually the idea of boning Harrington took up about 70% of his headspace give or take so relationship mechanics were really not his priority, not with the stupid feelings about everything that sometimes threatened to choke him if he didn’t find them an outlet.

Then suddenly he’s boning Steve Harrington and it isn’t long before Steve admits he, like...likes Billy? Billy has an urge to tell him he’s an idiot but mainly he just stares at Steve as he zips up his jeans and watches Steve chewing on his lips as he sits still naked on that big luxurious bed. The sex is really enough (a revelation in itself) and sure like internally Billy has cartoon puppies with cartoon hearts crying fat heart-shaped tears for Steve Harrington but like...that’s never been an option he’s seriously considered.

“Forget it,” Steve mumbles , because Billy leaves him hanging way too long. “I’m being stupid.”

“I like you too,” Billy blurts, flushing, and then: “I mean, ya know, you’re alright. I don’t not like you. Whatever. You’re fine. I like you fine. Not like...more than you like me. But not like less, I’m not an asshole but ya know, we can date if you want, if it’s a big deal or something then it’s...whatever sure-”

Steve interrupts him, shoving his tongue down Billy’s throat, having correctly read the fumbling red-faced speech as a passionate confession of love with all its attendant heart-eyed cartoon puppies. If he hadn’t, Billy thinks he might have kept talking, possibly into the 90’s.

So then they’re like...dating.

Parts of dating Steve are not surprising. They fuck with each other all the time, sometimes it’s foreplay or maybe it’s that Billy doesn’t know how to say stupid ridiculous things like “you make me feel special” so instead he gives Steve’s nipple a twist through his gym shirt and that night he’ll remember he did that and give that nipple particular appreciation with his tongue. Steve does that stuff too.

And other times Steve will actually says things like, “You make me feel special.” And the first couple times Billy spits something mean in response because it’s a reflex, because Steve has willingly made himself vulnerable, the dummy. But then he sees how hurt Steve is by it yet somehow it doesn’t even shut Steve up. Just a few days later, Steve says, “Laugh if you want, you do make me feel special. I want you to feel special too. So. Ya know. Fuck you, dude.”

Billy has a crack right on the tip of his tongue except that he knows it would sting Steve and it just won’t come out, it’s like he’s choking on the insult and he must look dumb because Steve grins at his expression and kissed him.

A lot of times Steve is just like a guy like as in kind of a ridiculous dickhead.

Sometimes Billy is surprised by it but maybe he shouldn’t be since Steve did reign as “King Steve” for a time. Like Steve can be crass as hell like it’s nothing, even seems to really enjoy not having to play Good Boy.

One time at lunch when Steve sees that nobody else is nearby he casually says to Billy, “I wonder what you’d look like with three dicks in your mouth.”

It’s weird because it’s the kind of thing that if any other guy at school said it, Billy would immediately sock them in the face but because it’s Steve it’s genuine flirting.

Billy snorts Mr. Pibb through his nose because he really wasn’t expecting that, he was talking about his asshole physics teacher for fuck’s sake.

Billy composes himself, wipes his nose. “Three regular dicks?” He says to Steve. “Or three of your monsters? I can’t unhinge my jaw, asshole.”

“Oooh!” Steve says. “What if I did have three dicks?”

“Guess I’d need another hole,” Billy mutters, and starts laughing so hard, he chokes on a Dorito before coughing it back up.

“Nah uh!” Steves whispers across the table. “I could fuck your mouth and your ears at the same time!”

Billy kicks him under the table. “You’re a fuckin’ dumbass.”

“Suck my jizz through a straw,” Steve cracks.

“Eat my ass,” Billy says.

“Sure yeah!” Steve nods, enthusiastic, as if rimming on school grounds is totally an option. “I could eat. I mean it is lunch time-”

“Dickhead!” But Billy is laughing, he’s laughing so hard. He has tears in his eyes. Joy, they call it. He’s pretty sure. He’s never felt like this before.

That stuff he sort of would have expected dating a dude. That and how half their shit is just crusted with jizz because they can’t keep their hands off each other and they’re not very precious about cleanliness. Steve complains about it yet never actually does the laundry. One afternoon Billy takes the time to do a wash of their stuff at Steve’s house because all their gym clothes can stand up by themselves.

But then there’s other stuff, stuff like that wide-eyed “you make me feel special” shit that Steve does that Billy would not have expected from a dude at all.

Which he supposes means maybe Steve is different. Or, ya know...special.

And, gun to his head? He doesn’t hate it…

Like when he comes over Steve puts on this little show at the door of being casual as if a buddy is coming over as Billy takes off his jacket and hangs it on the coat rack but then the second the door is closed he’s throwing his arms around Billy and swinging him around, the momentum taking Billy off his feet as Steve laughs into his neck. It’s possibly that when Steve does that, Billy physically cannot stop smiling.

Like okay Steve said he liked him, but Billy can’t even get his head around how happy Steve is to see him whenever he’s around.

Like nobody has ever been particularly happy to see him at all. Maybe his mom when he was little?

And the little love notes Steve leaves in his locker. Some of them are filthy and some of them are sweet and he pretends they annoy him but he saves them in a box that he keeps at Steve’s place.

And there’s that time they park at the quarry when “I Want to Know What Love Is” comes on Billy’s car radio and Steve insists they slow dance and Billy makes a face.

“You’ll take my dick in your ass,” Steve says, “but what? Dancing is too gay?”

So somehow he ends up all wrapped up in Steve, slowly swaying to Foreigner.

It’s not the worst thing in the world.

Once, for a whole three days, Billy thinks Steve is about to break up with him.

It’s because when Steve kisses him, suddenly he’s frowning, almost wincing as he breaks away.

What the hell?

It sends an icy chill up Billy’s spine. But Steve doesn’t say anything, doesn't hint that anything is wrong. It’s only when he kisses Billy. Billy wonders if Steve has abruptly lost his taste for dick or something. Or for Billy’s kisses. He doesn’t ask about it, of course. He chain-smokes. For three night he can’t sleep.

Then on a Friday evening, they’re driving around in the Camaro, and Steve asks to stop at the pharmacy by Melvalds.

“Be right back,” Steve says.

Billy waits, smoking as he leans against the car, parked around the corner. Steve only takes about two minutes. He reappears without a bag, but he’s holding something in his hand as he walks up to Billy who’s standing there on the deserted sidewalk, kicking the ground because what if Steve doesn’t want him anymore? He wants to scream.

“You know what the worst part of dating a guy is?” Steve says.

Billy braces himself. So it’s the gay thing in general, he thinks. It’s too hard having to keep things quiet, having to be a little careful-

“It’s like you’ve never heard of chapstick,” Steve says, holding up a little white plastic tub of Blistex.

Billy says, “Huh?”

Steve steps up close to him, chuckling. “All the little things girls do, that guys don’t bother with, ya know? Like when you do your own laundry you always forget the fabric softener so your jeans are always kinda stiff-”

“I didn’t know you knew what fabric softener was,” Billy says. “Fabric softener is crucial,” Steve says, narrowing his eyes. “As is chapstick.”

Steve approaches him with a finger dolloped with Blistex. Billy’s head is still spinning. He jerks back. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Chill,” Steve says. “Your lips are fucked up. I’m fixing them.”

Billy, bemused, allows Steve to go over his lips with the Blistex. He looks like he’s concentrating pretty hard as he slathers Billy’s parted mouth with the stuff. It does...feel nice. Hawkins has had a chilly dry spell lately and Billy has a habit of licking his lips a lot. He noticed they were kinda chapped, he supposes, but it didn’t occur to him to buy goddamn chapstick.

“Jesus,” Billy murmurs. “You kept making faces when you kissed me. Thought you were sick a’ me or somethin’.”

“Oh no!” Steve looks distraught at that. He shoves the Blistex in Billy’s front pocket and claps his hands to Billy’s cheeks. “God no. You’re my guy!”

Billy smirks a little at that. Steve’s hands are always so soft and his thumbs are stroking Billy’s skin. “I’m your guy, huh?”

“Yeah, you’re my guy,” Steve whispers, and his sentence trails off when he kisses Billy softly. “Mmm. Much better. Lil greasy but still better.”

Billy brings his hands up to cover Steve’s wrists but he holds them there as he purses his newly moisturized lips. “Okay, I’m gonna say something. I’m gonna hate myself for saying this.”

“Ooh what?” Steve says.

“You…” Billy rolls his eyes. “Fuck. You make me feel special. Okay? Ugh. Christ.”

Steve’s plush mouth splits into a grin, the big toothy one he wears when Billy’s done something particularly good. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Billy shrugs. “Whatever.”

Steve kisses the tip of Billy’s nose and his chin. “Glad you told me that, baby. That makes me happy.”

“Well…you are my guy,” Billy says, and Steve laughs and kisses him again.

#harringrove #harringrove ficlet