#my body and mind were programmed to sparkle brilliantly and beautifully and briefly nefore fizzling out and dying
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Vent
#messages from mars#vent#negative#i can feel my body trying to leave my body#I can't say I'm tired anymore I've transcended that#was i stupid to believe that i could have had a good education#one where i could go to school every day and do my assignments and tests and papers without much struggle#and go to university and get a good job and live a good life#good lives aren't in reach for people like me#I'm more likely to die in this country than live a good life#I'm too fatigued to think. I'm too [redacted] to be here#i feel like my body's just weight. it only fires up nowadays when I'm scared#i wasn't meant to live this long. i never expected myself to live to 18#my body and mind were programmed to sparkle brilliantly and beautifully and briefly nefore fizzling out and dying#why am i dragging on? i can feel my brain and my autonomy shut down but still i breathe and blink#if i can't have a free life why keep me alive for a life i live for other people?#I'm alive to prove that my parents sre good parents. I'm alive to prove that ny teachers are good teachers#I'm alive as proof of other people's achievements#if it were up to me i would just turn into the gust of wind i always feel like i am#but i can't. so I'm lying in bed terrified I'll be bound to it again. also I'm sick
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