#my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body

[m00ngbin]

Uh warning this whole thing is me complaining about my bones and pain and stuff so if you're sick of hearing about that you should probably ignore this

Whatever's wrong with my knee spread to my hip so I think that maybe I WILL be needing a cane or something soon and it's not just a joke I was making cause I had to keep sitting down in random places

Joke might be the wrong word because it wasn't really a joke and it wasn't funny, I was just trying to be lighthearted and it didn't seem like it was really happening or that it was probable

#sorry if we're ever in a public place and i suddenly make us stop so i can sit down for a few seconds #its not because im lazy or im trying to be annoying i swear #something ive been thinking about is disability #i don't think im disabled because i can still get around and do things but sometimes it is a little difficult and im worried that #in the future I'll have a really hard time walking without pain and ill have to depend on someone more than i already do #im already going to need to live with someone for the rest of my life anyway because of mental health stuff and i really dont want to have #to give up what freedom i have left #i read somewhere that disability forces you to rely on people and it takes away your independence and totally overhauls your life #and that disability really destroys your walls surrounding asking others for help/support #being independent and being self sufficient #i pride myself on my independence and self sufficiency and seeing that slowly start trickling away while theres nothing i can do about it #and nobody knows what to do to stop it is really painful #maybe it wont get so bad that ill be fully reliant but the possibility is there and not knowing is really scary #my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body #im not in control of my own body anymore #maybe im being dramatic but it really doesnt feel like it #because i am slowly watching my joints get worse and i am completely helpless. i cant do anything. im watching whatever this is spread and #not a single person can tell me what it is or why its happening