#something ive been thinking about is disability

[m00ngbin]

Uh warning this whole thing is me complaining about my bones and pain and stuff so if you're sick of hearing about that you should probably ignore this

Whatever's wrong with my knee spread to my hip so I think that maybe I WILL be needing a cane or something soon and it's not just a joke I was making cause I had to keep sitting down in random places

Joke might be the wrong word because it wasn't really a joke and it wasn't funny, I was just trying to be lighthearted and it didn't seem like it was really happening or that it was probable

#sorry if we're ever in a public place and i suddenly make us stop so i can sit down for a few seconds #its not because im lazy or im trying to be annoying i swear #something ive been thinking about is disability #i don't think im disabled because i can still get around and do things but sometimes it is a little difficult and im worried that #in the future I'll have a really hard time walking without pain and ill have to depend on someone more than i already do #im already going to need to live with someone for the rest of my life anyway because of mental health stuff and i really dont want to have #to give up what freedom i have left #i read somewhere that disability forces you to rely on people and it takes away your independence and totally overhauls your life #and that disability really destroys your walls surrounding asking others for help/support #being independent and being self sufficient #i pride myself on my independence and self sufficiency and seeing that slowly start trickling away while theres nothing i can do about it #and nobody knows what to do to stop it is really painful #maybe it wont get so bad that ill be fully reliant but the possibility is there and not knowing is really scary #my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body #im not in control of my own body anymore #maybe im being dramatic but it really doesnt feel like it #because i am slowly watching my joints get worse and i am completely helpless. i cant do anything. im watching whatever this is spread and #not a single person can tell me what it is or why its happening

[nascenticity]

i have seen a lot of headcanons (& fics!) about bucky doing crochet or knitting that i LOVE but i also need everyone to consider --

steve watching his mother doing irish crochet; maybe she even teaches him some simple things when he's sick and needs something to occupy him so he'll sit still and rest; its a creative outlet for sarah and that artistic streak is something she and steve share almost a century later, crochet comes back into fashion with millennials and gen-z, and steve looks up a youtube tutorial. he doesn't have many physical things left from his mom; but he can make some stuff that she would have loved and it helps him feel close to her.

#marvel #steve rogers #bucky barnes #stucky #ive been thinking about this a LOT lately #ive been looking at a lot of vintage crochet patterns lately and it had me thinking about sarah rogers and the fact that this would 100% #have been something she was exposed to/taught as a young girl. ofc as a single mother she wouldn't have had a lot of free time. #but making little things here and there as a hobby is far from out of the question #also since i hc steve as neurodivergent (adhd and possibly autistic) its entirely possible sarah was too #and crochet is just. such a good stim. #also lots and lots of headcanons about steve getting bored when he was sick #sitting in bed is BORING and im sure at least a few sketchbooks were filled that way #but maybe also a mother who is desperate to get her small child to calm down so his body can heal. will go “hey wanna see what i'm making?” #ik everyone has headcanons about bucky doing traditionally feminine stuff and sees steve as more traditionally masculine #bc that was gatekept from him bc of his disabilities #but let me have this

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought. #i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks. #nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder? #but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student. #everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path. #one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it. #maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for. #unrelated

[moodr1ng]

heres the real truth i never wanna admit to anyone ok: the real reason im so afraid all the time is i know i will never ever manage to hold down a normal job. i know im too disabled for it. and i dont want to. and i want to stay like this forever. i dont want more. i want to remain in this apartment and get my disability checks and do a little art and a little writing and have time to hang out with friends. i want that for the rest of my life. if that was ok then i would be ok. but i can never admit that because if i say that then i will be taken off disability and labelled a faker. because everyone thinks i can get better or its not that bad. even my doctor. but it is that bad. im never getting out of this, im never going to be functional like other people are. every time im good enough to have a job, i will have another depressive episodes for months or a year and everything will fall apart. its hardwired in me. if i could just be on disability for the rest of my life then id be fine. i would just live my life like i do now and i dont need more than what i have now. but im not allowed to want that. im supposed to want to "get better" and "be healed", even though its not possible, and im supposed to want to get off disability and have a "normal life". but i know i cant have that. so i just want to be on disability for the rest of my life and be allowed to glean what little happiness i can still get from the sort of life ive been handed. but im not allowed to want that. if i was honest and said this to my doctor he would never renew my disability benefits bc hed think i was faking it. so im always scared and always ashamed. so there it is.

#97 #and its led me to strange places. #yknow ive been thinking about cutting my own leg off since i was 19. #i researched how to do it and all. #part of it was for a while i had a delusion that i wasnt supposed to have that leg. #but now thats gone. but the thought remains. #bc if i did it then i would be on disability for the rest of my life and itd be fine. #and i dont think ill ever do it bc i dont have the guts to do something like that. #but i do think about it. about being in an 'accident' or something thatd ensure i never have to be called a liar. #idk. #sh tw #i should probably tell my psych about this actually bc i never mentioned it to anyone but ik he doesnt take my schizo diagnosis seriously #not his fault bc i hide all my delusions out of shame but maybe if i made a list and told him about it hed take me more seriously

[disabledidols]

#ive been having a lot of thoughts about chuuya being disabled #i havent settled on which disabilities but im thinking something to do with hypermobility #mod posts #disabled headcanon #chuuya nakahara #bsd #bungo stray dogs

[perenlop]

OWO OWO OWO felicity in anterrogade

Get Our Word Out (You Know Nothing About Us)

Get Stronger For Us (You're Not Strong Enough)

Don't Let Us Die In Vain (You're Letting Us Die Out)

Don't Fail Us (You're Failing Us)

#man ive been thinking abt how sad the entire concept of her character is and how much worse thats gotten #her entire tribe is gone and no one has any idea what happened to them #theyve been gone for decades before she even hatched. shes likely disabled bc of what happened to them #she won't ever know what her parents looked like or what happened to them at all. she has no closure #shes been featured heavily in the media and pushed as the miracle and last of her contact #and pushed to be something great because if she doesnt then shes failing them #and her disability being seen as more of a fascinating quirk of hers that she has to overcome #than something she needs help and acceptance for #and the pressure to continue her tribes legacy when she has no idea who they even were #and she still wants to connect with them but she has no way of doing so. even going back to the island #every trace of them is gone. no one knows. she doesnt know. she has no one to talk to about this #bc no one can truly understand what its like to be her. to be the last of her kind. to be failing at that. #(in an internalized ableism way) #and feeling like she has to do everything perfectly. on top of her fathers being criminals as well... #augh. she is so fucking tragic oh my god. i do wanna do more with her #felicity #pmd #pmd ocs #pokemon mystery dungeon #starfall #mail #moonscape #sneasel #weavile

[officiallralsei]

you've mentioned that you've been thinking about a specific au lately on the blog 👀 whats the deal there

well me and @gasterofficial were talking about what would happen if gaster's version of ralsei WASN'T successfully made to be able to handle eldritch knowledge. I've discussed it before on the blog, but I have the headcanon that the light can literally burn darkners who aren't prepared for it. (this comes from spamton having quite a bit of dialogue implying that he was burned/changed in some way by the knowledge he gained.) in blogverse canon, ralsei's got very sensitive eyes because he's still recovering from his initial exposure to that knowledge.

so if he wasn't successfully built to handle more Light Exposure than your average darkner... the logical conclusion is that gaining too much knowledge would blind him. after researching, i don't think it would be full blindness as that's kind of rare, but it would impair him badly enough that he would have trouble navigating on his own.

this is a problem for gaster. he needs to have a darkner guide, and now he's got EIGHT busted little guys. ralsei's certainly clever and adaptable, but he is NOT used to functioning blind just yet and there's not much time left before the game absolutely needs to start. a functional guide is a critical necessity to save the world of deltarune. and gaster just does not have the resources to try again.

so, out of luck and out of options, gaster becomes the worlds worst Ghost Guide to assist ralsei in his Actual Guide duties. guy who tells ralsei about his surroundings and also never shuts the fuck up. and is also his ghost dad who can't be perceived by others unless they're in a truly liminal space.

so what arises is a truly dysfunctional and codependent parent-child dynamic between these two. gaster likes ralsei but like... never really gives him room to make decisions on his own since hes constantly telling him what to do. ultimately he believes ralsei just kind of has to be a means to an end, no matter how much personal affection gaster has for him, due to the nature of ralsei being Born To Save The World, and that makes their relationship deeply unhealthy. meanwhile ralsei, who is a bit traumatized from being Literally Scorched By Horrible Knowledge in the first minute of his existence, is pretty happy to just let himself be directed constantly by someone who is kind to him and appears to have his best interests at heart. he ends up being quite sheltered due to all this. plus gaster also keeps telling him constantly Not To Think Too Much About The Fucked Up Things so he's gotten good at that.

thematically, the entire thing, at least for me, is another lens through which to look at deltarune's themes of agency and personhood. children, particularly disabled children, frequently have their personhood and agency denied to them because of the idea that they aren't capable of handling themselves. that's not to say that children and disabled people don't need SUPPORT, of course, but that support should be enabling them to make decisions for themselves when possible and appropriate, rather than denying them opportunities for agency. adding those particular lenses onto ralsei's canonical status as a darkner (which is a category of Unperson within the narrative) provides a lot of interesting ground with which to explore his emerging independence and self-actualization. also I just think its rad to think about weird Fucked Up Ghost Dad shenanigans

tldr:

#admin #im not vision impaired so ive been trying to be very well researched in how i depict this scenario in writing #but maybe someday there will be fic about it if people wanna see it :] #i like thinking about disability as it relates to personhood in deltarune. kris autism is so real to me #and i tend to portray player possession as something that forcibly strips them of their outwardly autistic traits #since they are being forced to fit an externally imposed mold of Someone Else it's always made sense for me to do that #being a deltarune main character means that you are just in danger of being used and having your identity taken from you!

[thisisnotjuli]

sometimes you read a post and you think to yourself holy fucking shit do usamericans really live like this????????? honestly the insane behaviours I learn from posts saying stuff like "this [thing] [that the post talks about like it's normalized/common] is fucked up" is absolutely nuts

#i am obviously not going to mention this in the original post in any way. but this is because #i just read that post about how 'peoples reaction to seeing a person walking with a white cane is either fearful or agressive' #and obviously i am noone to say anything about the topic. seeing as i dont use nor am close to anyone who uses a white cane. #but. i have seen plenty of people using white canes out in the streets in my life. and a few i see/saw quite frequently #like both of us walking on the same street regularly for a while #which of course doesnt make me anyone with enough information to have an opinion about that post i read #but never in ky fucking life have i seen *anyone* react the way that post described to someone walking with a white cane #and i seriously think its just because usa is so fucked up and usamericans have so many hang ups about people with disabilities #the whole 'but are you REALLY disabled or are you just faking it' bullshit theyre obsessed with #but seriously. people here see someone walking down the street with a white cane and they just. move out of the way #theyre not 'eithr scared or agressive' #ive seen people who're in a hurry get impatient‚ hell im pretty sure ive been that person once. but they just fucking wait #or find a way to walk around them. or something. #ive seen kids get curious about it qnd i remember when I was a kid and cueious the first time i saw someone w a white cane #walking to school and i asked my dad about it. i also remember being a kid and not getting out of the way fast enough and #lightly bumping into a person w a white cane #anyways my point is. im not saying theres no people who're shitty about it here i al sure there are #and i know for a fact that blind people do suffer from discrimination here and ut fucking sucks #but. nothing at all like that post describes. im pretty sure thats just. usamerican bs. or not bs but. sucking really bad. or smth #mine #me #personal

[aro-ortega]

i have decided to remove one of otso's arms, hes an amputee now

#was thinking about how theres no body diversity or disability rep in if games and i wanted to do something about that #i love cane user steps and steps w prosthetics but going back to change vanya milo sasja or chuck doesnt fit #was considering giving otso forearm crutches but tbh idk what they are for. but anyone can be an amputee for any reason #so ive removed his left arm from below the elbow #i think if its ever asked about in interviews he tells a different lie every time #everyone knows that he and seven have known each other in middle school tho so i think they would try asking seven to get to the bottom of #of this. idk if he would go along w each new lie or just tell them the truth or refuse to comment #otso laukkanen #op #infamous if #have yet to settle on a canon explanation tho. either he was born this way / has been an amputee since he was v v young #or he had to have it amputated end of middle school / beginning of high school and he started writing songs to train his right hand bc he #he had previously been a leftie

[milkweedman]

Eugh

#think im in a flare up and it just decided to start with my hands this time #was watering the garden earlier and my knees were burning n when i squatted to get at the water spigot my hip nudged itself out #everything is falling apart again (by everything i mean this stupid meat suit) #but also working on my resume like this sure is something #like. 'please hire me i cant do anything 30% of the time and i have constant near impenetrable brain fog #and i will injure myself multiple times a day just doing basic tasks' #and like. i dont want to work. it always results in me pushing myself way past what i can do safely just to keep up with the bare minimum #and it leaves me so exhausted and in pain that i cant do anything else with my tims because im just trying to recover #but also not working means someone else has to pick up my slack and i fucking hate that #ive been thinking about trying to go on disability #i mean i kind of doubt id qualify. and i know its a LONG process. and also im planning on getting married in the next year or two #and im pretty sure that would throw a wrench in it #i dont know... its awful trying to keep up with everyone. i cant do it physically or mentally. but i dont really have a choice but to try ? #at the moment almost all my time and energy is being taken up by being in pain and the rest it is just. #basic maintenance. which i only barely manage to do sometimes #idk !! #chronic illness #my next appointment with pain management isnt for more than a month #gonna ask for something for the joint pain if i can #since nobody can tell whats actually fucking wrong with them the least they could do is just medicate me for it...

[validark]

am having a moment

#thinking about my disability #and how i cant live on it really #ive been in a state on unexistance since 2020 #and its been getting worse larely #covid is worse so i dont even want to leave the house #but i need to get out more cause my depression is getting much worse #but i dont think meds would work cause whats making me depressed is money/covid/unability to do anything #actually tracked down a thing to send a message to the pm #and i doubt anything will come of it #but i poured it out there and realized something i didnt want to realise and now i cant stop thinking about it #pretty sure im getting suicidal again

[aceyanaheim]

Me: I have technically reason to ask for accomodations but like I feel like I'm asking for too much sometimes do I really Struggle with my disability

Me after a day of doing Absolutely Nothing bc my rooms too cold and also Executive Dysfunction: okay well...so that's a yes

#personal #acey is neurodivergent #i saw a tik tok about how adhd by itself should count as something you can get on disability for and why #... been thinking about it #specially today bc very notably I Wanted to get shit done and no amount of finagling got it done like wow my brain just Does this some days #huh #like ill just have to account for that when working with deadlines #( it doesn't help that like its always such a Fight to get extra time specifically bc that always translates to Taking Advantage to ppl #like the past at least they're always like 'but we could offer this instead' and ugh...imma stop bow #don't mind me I'm grouchy #( ive been quarantining all week annd what ive found...my room is Not a workspace and i need to send that email asking for extra time on #deadlines) #...( and hope for the best) #( its autism epilepsy and adhd for me tho only the epilepsy/short term memory loss is on file) #i..yea now. just rambling

[trans-p03g]

Cute triplet names 😍

Thomas + Richard + Harrison

Huey + Dewey + Louie

Ruby + Sapphire + Emerald

Peanut + Butter + Jelly

Salt + Pepper + Cinnamon

(as for serious suggestions, maybe after some authors or book characters? Or some names from western cowboy films?)

LOSING IT

I can absolutely imagine P03 proposing these names. Jokingly, obviously...at least Mora hopes so

#asks #also thats a good idea. too bad i dont rly properly read books anymore (result of my disability. typically adult centred books arent #formated in a way to accomodate learning disabilities and i cant focus for shit to listen to audiobooks so im fucked 💔) and i dont rly #watch cowboy movies. like at all fkfbfjf #ive been thinking about something that rhymes. i think that's be cute

[perenlop]

i need to make frost more of a freak right now

#ive decided she did know about the murder actually. why not. she deliberately disabled her own child why not just make her worse #im just trying to figure out her exact motives. cause before she was shitty but grounded (more like odin) #i still dont think she’d have stayed with flamberge. flamberge doesn’t want to be close to others while she yearns for companionship #im thinking that shes been kinda. bored maybe. not in a funny way but like she feels like her life has lost meaning #ooooo maybe i can make her a dark parallel to cheri… she unwillingly becomes a single explorer and loses everything #(and in marlows case outright throws him away and burns that bridge) #but she doesnt get any enjoyment out of her work anymore now that shes alone #plus gets no gratification or anything from it #and being with flamberge is like. something new and frightening in a way she never imagined life could be #she wants to be their accomplice now cause she feels like shes in power again and like her egos been healed #hell… potential future antagonist? maybe? dunno? #‘’we could be toxic yuri :)’’ ‘’ok well i dont want to be toxic yuri’’ ‘’this isnt about you.’’ #shes also selfish to a fault i think. like if she can throw someone under the bus to save her skin then she will. queen of mental gymnastics #echoed voice #starfall tag

[do-rey-me]

sure im going to dinner with my brother for his birthday but whats clearly WAY more important is that afterwards im going home with my mom and shes gonna teach me how to make kolache

#this is a mythic particular recipe that takes multiple days to make and is impossible to find online apparently #well. i think we found it or something close in an old blog of a woman outlining her own mothers recipe #anywya shes barely ever made it in my lifetime and ive certainly not been able to make it with her #bc its so much effort and its delicate and whatnot #but my aunts (her half sister and family) are visiting and were meeting them for the first time since learning abt their existence so #were doing a lil cultural exchange thing #there are obviously many reasons i am so excited #about all of this #but the kolache is huge for me. we dont exactly have many ties to our family history #and theres even less that im capable of doing with my disabilities. but baking? i can absolutely do that #and making a dessert i love for family is important to me

[wishful-seeker]

Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist

1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.

Example:

Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."

Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"

This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.

Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."

Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"

This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.

Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.

To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.

2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.

For example:

Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"

Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."

Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making YOU uncomfortable?

3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."

Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."

This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.

4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.

For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.

5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.

6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"

Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"

Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.

7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.

For example:

Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."

Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"

This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.

Hope this helps, stay punk.

#cripple punk #ablism #physical disability #disability