#my fault for not studying art enoughh i thought that the threat of harm would get me drawing ok so i dont have to hurt myself but yknow

[nightfallsystem]

mhh random but nobody would notice if i just stopped drawing fanart completely huh..

#tw vent #tw self harm #nmhh wanna stop drawing forever and let the ACTUAL good artists draw in my place #my fault for not studying art enoughh i thought that the threat of harm would get me drawing ok so i dont have to hurt myself but yknow #never will be good enough. never gonna be good enough for anyone. and ill never be good enough for myself #this is what i deserve #for wanting attention the worst thing that could happen to me is trying so hard but not getting it despite working for it #oh how many times ive hit myself and banged my head against the wall and cut myself for the art i post.. #ill do it all again.. #lolll if i get a little too mad and hit my head a little too hard do u think bad things will happen.. #this is what i deserve im glad im hurting #i hope shes right. i hope those were signs of a heart attack #dying without getting the chance to make it be dramatic will be worse #anyway yea #i think i genuinely deserve to die or be put thru mental / physical harm for making bad art LMAO #genuinely. genuinely think that. #my art wont ever be good.. it wil actually never fuckign be good. #i hope i die. i m seirous i hope i die. #so what if my styles “unique” it doesnt mean SHIT if it doesnt give me attention like i need #drawing for fun is impossible. i just make it an excuse to self harm. i deserve to suffer in every way possible #lolll all this just cuz im bad at art?