#my hypervigilance has become worse and at this point is just paranoia I wish so bad that I could stop caring about everything

[hellborg]

l today was pretty good thus far. It was rly relaxing! It was pleasant! but just as expected my mood is now taking a dip since my meds are wearing off. Ik I shouldn’t take more thats just not a good idea. But the anxiety is getting to me so bad and it’s every night that it’s not even 10 pm and I’m an annoying anxious buffoon. I just have to find smth to distract me thoroughly enough so that I don’t dwell on things.

#tw mental health #tw #vent ignore me pls #I just need to cry into the void so I don’t talk to others #they’ve heard enough of me crying #thankfully I have a therapist appointment tomorrow #but god do I just want to shut down and go into like a camotose state asdfhfkglajah #I don’t want to face my feelings of fear and anxiety #but it might be necessary god I feel like such a baby #its not fair that the ppl who hurt me got away and are probably not even thinking about what they did #but here I am a wreck and edging a meltdown the past few nights because 2 years later it still haunts me #being blamed #not good enough #or that I’m a problem that needs to be cut out #that I’m a mistake #and now because of those ppl who hurt me I’m paranoid about being hurt or hurting others in my life #my hypervigilance has become worse and at this point is just paranoia I wish so bad that I could stop caring about everything #that I could just be normal #and trust in my logic that ppl don’t hate me or that I’m doing just fine #that I’m not a burden #the worst part is there is nothing to numb this anxiety at all #nothing I can do except desperately try and find a healthy coping outlet #because I’m afraid of not finding one