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violynt-skies · 9 months

Text

Rottmnt Theatre Arts AU

one of my close moots on twitter @/lynngu1n1 created a band au the other day so now im here to add onto it with a rottmnt theatre arts/performing arts au bc now i can’t stop thinking abt it let’s go!

Leo:

This first one should surprise nobody, leo is a born and raised theatre kid. He loves the performance, he loves the drama, and he loves the spotlight. Leo is often lucky and skilled enough to be cast in lead roles however he’s almost ALWAYS type casted into the love interest role. Not that it bothers him though as he takes the role with stride. He loves playing it and he knows he’s good at it.

Off stage however he’s often regarded as a leader type within the cast. people admire him and with his natural charisma he tends to take charge in helping the cast by hyping them up and setting morale high as well as almost always being on top of things when it comes what changes might've occurred when rehearsing scenes and dance numbers.

He’s the one that sets up the cast parties and after show dinners and often leads warm ups within the cast and introduces the new members to old theatre kid traditions. and despite his chill personality he actually takes his acting roles pretty seriously and works hard to learn his lines and choreography.

Things are always fun when Leo's around, you'll find him dancing in the wings when not on stage w other cast mates and pulling the most ridiculous expressions as everyone silently holds in their laughter and is the one thats got the best drama and gossip stories to tell while blasting music backstage as everyone gets ready.

Donnie:

Donnie is on crew, he helps build the sets, hang the lights, watch for cues, handles mic checks and sound and controls everything from the booth during shows, wearing headsets during the show is one of his favorite things ever, it’s makes him feel like the guy in the chair.

Donnie doesnt interact with the cast that much as he’s constantly busy with the tech side of things but everyone on the cast knows him because he’s e v e r y w h e r e . And while he tends to keep to himself when working, people quickly learned to stay out of his way when he’s doing so

He absolutely loves his job though and enjoys all the intricacies that goes on behind the stage that makes the show run smoothly. Will absolutely infodump to you about certain tech aspects if you ask him about it tech week is absolute hell tho. nobody bother him.

There’s still so much to be done before opening night and trying to get these damn theatre kids to work with him can be such a nightmare sometimes. he likes them most of the time he really does, but not right now especially during mic checks, of which leo is CHRONICALLY late too

Raph:

Raph is a stage manager! though over time has quickly been adopted as the cast and crew mom. While he does everything the stage managers typically do, watching cues, helping move set pieces, keeping track of props, he’s always extended himself to helping even more backstage.

Raph's got whatever you need at all times. throats sore? come on he’ll show you where we keep the throat coat. want a mint? here you go. yes call time is at 5:30. you blanked and forgot ur line before ur scene? here’s the script u got this bud

instead of getting into the tech aspect like Donnie during the rehearsal periods, raph actually goes to help with the costumes instead! he’s making the alterations to help make ur costume fit better and finding you the right accessories for it.

In his spare time he’ll go to the shop and help build sets under donnies guidance, being able to easily move heavy pieces from place to place as well as painting them the main reason raph works so well as a stage manager tho is that he CAN wrangle the wild antics of theatre kids. and while it mostly isn’t an issue as the majority of people already respect him for his kindness. He knows how to deal with them when the chaos starts to set in where donnie couldn’t. when he needs people to get out of his way they MOVE. and while raph usually has a handle on things, the cast has seen him snap at times and have since then avoid it at all cost. When raph tells you to do something you do it.

But otherwise he’s pretty chill! he helps you with quick changes and fixes ur costume if it rips on stage. just dont touch the props, that PISSES him off

Mikey:

Mikey is an ensemble kid. He enjoys theatre but hes totally content just being part of the group and experience and doesnt need to be in the spotlight. Mikey’s the kid that gets along with everyone, cast & crew, he comes to the after parties and is thoroughly engaged in warm ups

However! His skills for dancing are no joke, having previous experience with it before joining the theatre fam. as a result he ends up with a role as a dance captain! quickly picking up the choreo and then relaying it to his fellow cast mates and helping anyone who needs it

He’s the one that ALWAYS remembers the steps. and his the kid that helps remind the choreographer what came after this segment and yeah we go right then left! he’s also the one that tends to do a large amount of the stunts within the big dance numbers. Yes he can do a round off backhandspring! Need someone who can do cartwheels? He’s ur guy. Can anyone do a triple turns? That’s him.

As a result he ends up becoming well known among the cast which eventually lands him some small supporting roles in following shows as well! Not to mention he's the one that everyone goes to for help with makeup. That kid's eyeliner skills are def on another level.

April:

April is part of the yearbook committee at school, which as a result has her coming in during hours of rehearsal to take some pictures for it as well as the show. However, with the combination of this and also being friends with the guys, which led her to start working with them more.

This ends up with her taking an unofficial role as their marketing committee. April is the one who promotes the show on social media and is also the one that puts together the programs for the show and takes the cast headshots as well as their bios.

She and leo tag team the ticket selling, with her passion and his natural charisma they make an extremely compatible team when it comes to encouraging people to go see the show. She’s the one that helps set up the concessions at intermission and is the one who records the show and takes plenty of pictures for it for their social media.

OUTSIDE of musical theatre season:

These boys got some other electives they’ve got lined up (which sometimes overlaps with theatre which makes things a little stressful but it’s all good)

I thoroughly believe leo is that one kid that does sports within the cast, and while ik he’s big on basketball, he also gives me some major soccer vibes- the kid def has the speed and agility for the offense position, and while he knows it’s not, half the time playing the game feels like putting on a whole ass performance and he thrives on the adrenaline of it all

Now don’t think i forgot about donnie’s overly big dramatics because i didn’t. Donnie DID actually audition for theatre, and while he’s got a huge passion for musical theatre just like leo, he later found out that he did not inherent the same talent for acting rip.

Therefore! he found something else to fill his need for dramatization and ended up in harmony show choir! a group that involves both singing dancing and performance with no need for much skills in acting, a perfect fit for him.

ofc he was a little awkward when he first joined and he’s not the best in the group but he thoroughly found himself enjoying it as a side activity and found friends in the group as well.

Raph is a choir kid! Initially he didn’t have much interest in it and ended up taking the class as a needs for an art elective but after a semester he found that he really liked it! fitting in the bass section extremely well and actually found stage managing through choir. (since half the choir kids overlap with theatre) and many of his classmates encouraged him to try it out! Especially since tech was a little short-staffed at the moment

Raph kept up w choir after a while and started auditioning for all state each year! He sometimes has some difficulties with reading the music but donnie always helps him out when he needs.

Outside of arts though, Raph is also an og sports kid like leo and is on the wrestling team

Now mikey as the arts kid of the group obviously has been in plenty of art electives that change from semester to semester, ranging from 2D and 3D drawing to sculpting and painting. Outside of those however he also found himself on the drill team!

Mikey has been in dance for a long time and quickly impressed his coaches with his dance audition which resulted in him being able to jump straight into the varsity team., and after a while he was eventually able to build himself up to becoming the team captain too

Mikey only ending up in theatre after some poking and prodding from leo who encouraged him to join in knowing he’d end up liking it which he did

As for April, outside of theatre/yearbook she also works for the school's news reporting team as well as helping w morning announcements, practicing her journaling skills in hopes of one day joining an actual news station.

#rottmnt #save rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt raph #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt april #rottmnt au #rottmnt theatre au #theatre

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polyamoryfacts · 3 years

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Me and my wife r poly since even before marriage, more than 9 years ago. However we live in a very strict country with no support to any sexual freedom. LGBTQ ppl here r prisoned or even hanged. Sometimes we find other ppl that we can date separately or together but they r rare and often leave coz they feel they r doing something wrong dating someone who is married even though they know that the other spouse knows and ok with it “sometimes this fact gross them out, they only understand cheating ”. It’s very hard also lacking understanding friends or support of any sort. Judgmental ppl are the norm. Which push us to live in secret and have kind of a double life.

I’m not sure if these r normal polyamorous problems ppl face in the west? Do u have any tips or ideas to help us feel less rejected because of the lifestyle we chose? We both believe that we can’t have all our needs met from one person only

I am so sorry to hear about your situation and the situation of my fellow queer people in your country :(

"The West" is a broad place. I can tell you that here in Germany, polyamorous people are not in danger of capital punishment or lynching. Polyamory is gaining broader acceptance among younger people, I believe - I recently spoke to a 19 year old who actually knew the term, which would have been very unlikely, say, 15 years ago.

My own experience with discrimination against polyamory is limited because polyamory and queerness is quite common among my friends to the point that, say, birthday party invitations usually include a line to the tune of "please tell how many +1 you will bring" or something to that extent. Now, these are mostly people who are university educated and native or passing for it. So not representative for the general population of this one country, even.

I can definitely tell that there are circles of people here who are very accepting. Whether it is feasible for you to find this in your country, I don't know.

If it is possible for you, look up resources for queer people living in conservative countries. I believe that you broadly speaking face the same level and manner of persecution. (If you don't have uncensored access to the Internet, you may want to use a VPN).

If possible, find a community. I wouldn't even know where to start looking in the situation you describe :( normally, I would say, seek out “alternative” or queer people, but if you cannot do so without danger to yourself, this is moot.

Maybe you could have some rituals or symbols known only to you and your partner through which you can affirm each other. For example, you could both wear a ring that you both decide stands for your polyamorous desires. Or a pin or something. If someone asks, just say it's a cute partner thing.

I will wish to you what I once wished for a gay guy from Iran who tried to kiss me in a Berlin hostel: may you find what you seek.

If you can do so, protect my people for me.

Congratulations on your long marriage despite the adversities! I hope other people have more to say in the comments.

#cw violence #cw anti queer violence #cw capital punishment #cw hanging #cw transphobes #cw queerphobia #honestly I am not sure what other cws to put #the middle east couple

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avani008 · 6 years

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Headcanon Meme Redux: Multiple Characters

Amarendra, Devasena, Mama Baahu, Vikramadeva, Grandmama Baahu, and Kattappa, below the cut!

Amarendra

A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school? *smiles* By now, I’m sure you guys know my thoughts on science dork! Amarendra enough for me not to have to launch into that. M: What is their favourite dessert? Payasam. I’m just warning you guys, this question is going to come up multiple times, and I’m just going to keep on saying the same thing. *grins* R: What are their hands like? Long and graceful and talented....*exaggerated swoon* E: How are they with children? Oh, Amarendra’s great with kids! He’s sweet and friendly and will go out of his way to be kind to them; and, as we see, in “Dandalayya,” doesn’t discriminate in his fighting lessons based on gender. Obviously most of this is to break our collective hearts that Amarendra Baahubali, Best Dad Ever, never gets to meet his son, but I reckon it still counts. N: What do they usually eat for breakfast? I….have no idea what the breakfast menu for a medieval palace would be, so—shall we say venn pongal? That seems fancy enough to belong on a royal menu. D: How they react to being flirted with? Before he meets Devasena, a cheerful smile and flirting right back; afterwards, still a cheerful smile but gently redirecting the conversation while being charming and managing not to embarrass the other person.

Devasena

D: How they react to being flirted with? Devasena’s general attitude is: if they’re brave enough not to be intimidated by her at her frostiest, they’re actually worth flirting back with. E: How are they with children? Also very sweet; but being around children doesn’t come as naturally to Devasena as it does to Amarendra. (They both had private “what do I know about being a parent?” freakouts after she got pregnant, but Devasena’s was definitely centered around the fact that she couldn’t remember the last time she’d ever been around a child for a prolonged period of time.) She’s not as much of a pushover as Amarendra is; which, given that someone has to be the disciplinarian, is probably a good thing. V: What’s the easiest way to annoy them? Be Sivagami Devasena has no patience for people insulting her intelligence with blatant lies. She can see that you’re mugging, Kattappa! You’re not fooling anyone! A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school? Truthfully, Devasena is so good at coming up with off-the-cuff speeches, complete with fancy metaphors and similes, that I think she’d be quite good at rhetoric. Or at least debate, I think we can all agree on that. S: How stealthy are they? Given that she sneaks up on the Pindari and then also on random bandits, I think she’s pretty stealthy—speed and surprise are Devasena’s two strengths in swordplay. N: What do they usually eat for breakfast? See answer for Amarendra above, but—since Kuntala is more of a farming community, maybe a simpler dish: uttappam or appam or dosas.

Mama Baahu

M: What is their favourite dessert? …Payasam? A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school? Mama Baahu B: Do they have any allergies? This is very random, but I imagine she had a sensitivity to gold and so didn’t wear much of it—being fiercely clever, however, she publicly claimed that this was because she did not want to flaunt her wealth when her subjects were suffering, thereby significantly increasing her support from citizens. That is Mama Baahu in a nutshell: turning even her weaknesses into strengths. H: What is their deadly sin? Pride. Mama Baahu’s is definitely pride. U: What’s their voice like? Low for a woman’s and very quiet— she uses the fact that people have to strain to hear what she’s saying to make sure they concentrate on the content of her words (one more way that she’s the anti-Sivagami.)

Vikramadeva

V: What’s the easiest way to annoy them?

Vikramadeva is a sweetheart who isn’t easily annoyed, but I think insulting his family or his country would do it.

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?

A 7/10? Whatever the happy healthy medium is; Vikramadeva, in my head, isn’t one too beat himself up too much, but nor is he particularly vain. K: How do you know when you’ve upset them? Vikramadeva wears his heart on his sleeve: it’s easy to tell you’ve upset him by his frown or any other facial expression. R: What are their hands like? Since he’s played by Prabhas, too, I guess the same as his son and grandson? A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school? Like his nephew Bhalla, Vikramadeva had a soft spot for literature — sadly for everyone, this did not translate to talent when he found himself inspired to write love poetry of his own. (Eventually his friends—and his wife—convinced him to seek solace in quotations instead.) M: What is their favourite dessert? Payasam. D: How they react to being flirted with? Vikramadeva, as the dorkiest of the three generations of this family, would turn bright red and attempt to stammer out words (and usually fail miserably at it.) It’s to the point where before his marriage, “Flirt With the Prince and Watch Him Trip Over His Own Two Feet” was a regular form of entertainment for the ladies of the court. E: How are they with children? Vikramadeva is surprisingly bad with them, actually. He tries very hard — but he ends up coming across as horribly condescending (i.e., using baby talk with an eight-year-old who just stares at him like he’s crazy; buying every child he knows the same sort of dolls and/or toy weaponry because that’s the only gift ideas he can come up with)

Grandmama Baahu

G: How do they flirt? Very practiced; honestly, she’s got a lot in common with her grandson Bhalla in how the overall impression is that of being very very convincingly charming, except for that one little niggling feeling that s/he is trying too hard. R: What are their hands like? Broad and strong. N: What do they usually eat for breakfast? *shrugs in defeat at this point* D: How they react to being flirted with? Usually a noncommittal smile while she quickly calculates if this person is worth flirting with or not; and if so, please proceed to answer G. M: What is their favourite dessert? Once again, payasam. A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school? I think, like her grandson Baahu, she has a good head for maths, and is, at least in her youth, interested in the natural sciences. B: Do they have any allergies? ….I don’t think so? H: What is their deadly sin? I think, by the end of her life, she was rather prone to sloth: she was certainly clever enough to see the impending family conflicts arising but, I think, was just too tired after a lifetime of scheming to do anything about htem. U: What’s their voice like? High and sweet; like a bird’s, as one of her smitten suitors once said.

Kattappa

K: How do you know when you’ve upset them? With sweet Kattappa, you don’t have to worry—he’ll let you know. Either by complaining loudly or by being brought to the point of tears (also loudly). A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school? All things weaponry? And cooking, weirdly enough. T: Where are they ticklish? His feet. (This is honestly something I can say I’ve never wondered about before.) P: How do they handle money?Kattappa, I think, would be very careful with his money; he is definitely a saver rather than a spender. That said, I doubt Mahishmati allows its slaves to carry around money, or even to have any of their own, so I think it’s a moot point.

#baahubali #head canon meme #so much fun thank you all! :)

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fblikeshayaris · 7 years

Text

Dirty non-veg adult sexy sex jokes, shayris sms messages

Ek Bande Ki Suhagraat Thi,

Vo Bade Aaram Se Sex Kar RahaThha,

Par Uski Wife Jor Jor Se Cheekh Rahi Thhi,

Banda Hairan Hua Aur Usne

Puchha. Tum Itna Cheekh

Kyun Rahi Ho?

Wife:Bahar Tere Dost

Khade Hai, Chutiye Teri Izzat Rakh

Rahi Hoon

Sex kya hai;

Sex ek kala hai, Jo kare uska bhala

hai

Sex ek bhavna hai, jisko pura kurne

ki sabki kaamna hai

Sex do atmaon kaa milan hai, sadiyo

se jiska chalan hai

Sex maja hai, Jo na kare uska jeevan

ek saza hai

Sex bhakti hai, jisme subki mukti hai

Sex ek jaap hai, jisko na jupna

mahapaap hai

Sex amrut hai, poora jeevan jisse

trupt hai - Dirty Sex

Pehli Baar chudai Karane K Baad

Ladki LUND ko choom k Boli:

Aaj Mujhe Satya Ka Gyan Ho Gaya,

'COKE' 'PEPSI'

Sab Bakwas

"MARD Ki LASSI"

Hi Bujhaye Asli Pyaas.

Purani soch:-Karo ya Maro.

Nayi soch:-Marne se Phle kuch karo!

Ekdam Nai soch:- Jab tak kuch kar

nahi lete maro mat!

Hamari Soch:-Koi Bataega Sala

karna kya hai?

Kaviyatri ki suhag raat ke baad uski

saheli ne pucha-Kaisi rahi

suhagraat?

Woh boli-

"Aaye the wo der se,

Dil jala diya,

Pehle kiye Darwaza band,

Fir deepak bhuja diya.

Pehle dabane lage

boob tatolkar,

Fir khelne lage

chaddi khol kar.

Ek jung aisi chidi palang par,

Gole wali toph rakh di surang par,

Mila sirf 9 minute ka maja,

Ab bhogni hai 9 mahine ki saja,

9 mahine baad aisa hoga vispot,

Jo ban jayega Bharat ke liye

1 aur vote...

Paper Dene Or Sex Karne Ke Baad

Sari Girls Ki Feelings Same Hoti

Hai:Kitna Lamba Tha NaKash Thora

Time Or Mil JataTooba Pehle Kitna

Dar Lag Raha ThaPhir To Pata Hi

Nahi Chala Kab Ho GayaUff Teen

Ghante Tak To Meri Saans Hi Band

Ho Gayi ThiAagay Ka To Theek Tha

Peechay Ka Kitna Mushkil Tha Na.

MARD hone k 6 fayade:

1. 'Un Dino' ka tension nahi hota.

2. Koi Heavy saaman latakta nahi

rahta(.)(.)

3. Nange bhi ghumo to kisi ki

bhavnaye nahi jagti.

4. Virgnity ka koi proof nahi hota.

5. Khujane pe hath geela nahi hota.

6. And above all, jaha chahe waha

moot sakte h.

IF U R MEN.!

Jiyo L**D utha k...

Ek bus me Ladko & Ladkiyo ki team

Antakshari

Khel rahi thi

Girls Hum Tumko Harakar Hi

Dikhayenge,

Pichhe betha PAPPU BOLA :- Hum

Haar Gye, Chalo Ab Dikhao

Ek Ladka bike se Aunty ko ghar

chhodne ja raha tha.Jab bhi aunty

ke boobs uski peeth se lagte, wo

kehta : "Na pintu na, ye aunty

he."Ghar pahooch ke Aunty boli :

"Tu kis pintu ke sath baat kar raha

tha?"Ladka sharma ke bola :"aapke

nipples bar bar takra rhe the,, Mera

penis bar bar khada ho raha tha, to

me use samajha raha tha ke pintu

khada na ho, yeh to Aunty

hai."Aunti boli : "Dhutt pagle,Aunty

to mai teri hu,Pintu ki nahi…. chal

andar"

Most BOYS don't lyk

Touch screen mobile,

U know why?

Jinhe dabane ki aadat

ho,

Unhe bas touch karne

me kahan maza aayega...!!!!

Azam Khan- Sirji election time kitna

boring hai, chalo kuch game khelte

hain...

Mulayam- Chal dekhte hai hum

dono mein se sabse bada bakchod

kon hai..!

Teacher Ne Class Mein Pappu Se Pucha

Teacher: “Batao Ladkiya Dupatta Kyun Pahnti Hai?”

Pappu: “Mam, Science Ki Wajah Se”

Teacher: “Wo Kaisi”

Pappu: “Kyunki Science Bhi Is Baat Ko Manti Hai Ki Khane Peene Ki Cheezo Ko Dhakk Kar Rakhna Chahiye“

Ek jungle mein sare male janwar

female janwaar ko 24 ghante chodte

rahte the.. !!Saari female jaanwar

mil ke Brahmaji ke pass gayi aur

vardaan mangaa ke kam se kam ek

mahiney ke liye chudai se mukti

miley !Bramhaji ne SAB male

janwaron ke laudey kaat ke unko

token de diye aur boley ki ek

mahiney ke baad token lanaa aur

apna-apna lund le jaana.. !Shaam ke

time Bandar ped pe baitha

tha..Bandariya ne usey chedtey hue

kaha:"Chodsaaley,bhenchod ! Ab

chod naa mujhe"?Bandar kuch nahi

bola.Bandariya fir boli"Chod na

Bhadve, chod na behen ke laudey.."!!

Bandar ne ek choti si smile di aur

bola:"Ek maheena ruk ja

haraamzaadi ! Maine Haathi ka token

churaya hai..."!!!

The best ever English to hindi

dictionary for guys:

xcuse me= sun chutiye;

stupid= abe gandu;

get out=Nikal bhosdike;

I m in problem = Yaar loude lag gaye;

I am scared= gaand phati hui hai yaar;

Where r u= Abbey Kahan maa chuda raha hai;

Would u like to have this= lega laudu;

Not possible!!!= chal bhosdike;

He is a very bad person= Bada madarchod hai;

I'm sorry = maa chuda;

Where r u? = kahan gaand mara raha hai?;

I 4give u! = muh mei le le;

No = ghanta;

Too small= jhaant barabar;

Too big= gaand faadu;

Difficulty= gaand faat gayi;

We rock= maa chod di;

And finally the best one:

Dost= laude......

Teacher: "What Is A Condom?"

Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hai

Teacher: "Aap Itna Muskura Kyu

Rahe Ho?"

Aamir: "Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se

Iccha Thi

Ki Main Sex Education College Mein

Padhu! Aaj

Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa

Raha Hai"

Teacher: "Zyada Maza Lene Ki

Zarurat Nahi Hai,

Condom Ki Defination Bolo?"

Aamir: "Sir! Condom Is Anything

Which Reduces

Population"

Teacher: "Will U Plz Elaborate?"

Aamir: "Har Wo Cheez Jo Population

Control

Kare!""

Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai,

Condom Hai Na"

"Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah

Tak,Condom Hai Sir"

"Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire

Hue Hai"

"8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh

Tak, Sab

Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai"

"1 Second Mein In,1 Second Mein

Out, In-Out,

In-Out"

Teacher: "Arre... Defination Kya

Hai?"

Aamir: "Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir"

Teacher: "Exam Mein Ye Sab

Likhoge?"

"Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se

Lekar Subah

Tak!

Idiot""Anybody Else??"

Chattur: "Sir!, Condom Are Between

Any

Combination Of Body So Connected,

That Their

Relative Positions May Be Seen In

Kamasutra.

."Teacher: "Wah! Kya Baat Hai."

Marzi Ka Sex Pap Nahi Hota..Piche se

Dalne Wala Kabhi Baap nahi

Hota..Condom Zarur Lagana Mere

DostQki..Sex k Waqt POPAT Ke Pass

Dimag nahi hota. Dirty Shayari

HUSBAND WANTED

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided

that it was time to.get married. She

put an ad in the local paper that

read:

HUSBAND WANTED!

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),

MUST NOT BEAT ME,

MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,

AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN

PERSON.

On the second day she heard the

doorbell. Much to her dismay, she

opened the door to see a gray-

haired gentleman with no arms or

legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not

really asking me to consider you, are

you? Just look at you ... you have no

legs!" The old man smiled,

"Therefore I cannot run around on

you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any

hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I

beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed

intently. "Are you still good in bed?"

With that, the old gentleman leaned

back, beamed a big broad smile and

said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

What's the difference between

movies having Certificate - U, A, XX,

XXX?

U: Hero gets the heroine

A: Villain gets the heroine

XX: All the actors get the heroine

XXX: Entire shooting unit gets the

heroine

??????

BE A FRIEND LIKE WOMAN'S BRA

COLOURFUL

COMFORTABLE

STRETCHEABLE

SUPPORTIVE

HOLDING TIGHTLY

NEVER LET GO DOWN

ALWAYS NEAR THE HEART

Pappu: Dad, today they taught

about Sex in the class.

Santa: Ok son.

Later he saw Pappu shaking his

penis, he asked what r u doing?

Pappu: Homework Dad....

There are 2 girls in heaven first girl:

how did you die 2nd girl: well i froze

everything waz really cold but then

it got warm how did u die first girl:

well i was sure my husband was

cheetin on me so i came home early

from work one day and he was sittin

on they coach watchin t.v. but i was

so sure i ran around the house and

checked inb closets and underbeds.

then i had a heartattack 2nd girl :

well if you would have looked in the

freezer we both would have been

alive!!!!

A young girl came back to Doctor and

complained, "Doctor, last time you did

my abortion, you forgot your sharp

blade inside of me,"

Doctor "Oh I am sorry, did it hurt you?"

Girl, "No but my eight friends went

impotent, ten of them lost their

fingers, and four of them went dumb.

4 stages of relationship:

- Hand in hand.

- Hand in that.

- That in hand.

- That in that.

If you know what i mean..

An 18 year old Girl got PREGNANT. Her

Angry mother says-Who's the PIG?

Call him..

30 min later a limousine car stops in

front of their house & a Mature grey

haired in a very Expensive SUIT steps

out.

Man:Ur daughter has informed me of

the Problem, howevr I can't Marry her..

But if a GIRL is born I offer a villa & 2

million dolrs.

If a BOY is born den 2 factories & 5

million dolrs.

But in case of Miscarriage, what do u

suggest I do?

Mom-FUCK HER AGAI

A person was carrying 3 BABIES in the

train.

The Lady next to him asked, "Are they

ur BABIES?"

The Person said: NO! I Own a Condom

Factory

& these are Customer's Complaints!

Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer.

Lady Next To Him- What A Co-

incidence, Even I Have Ordered

Kingfisher.

Man- I'm Celebrating.

Lady- Me too.

Man- What A Coincidence.

Why are you Celebrating?

Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4

Yrs For A Baby..

Today I'm Pregnant.

Man- What A Coincidence

I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs My Hens

Were Infertile, Today All Laying Eggs

Lady- Wow How Did That Happen?

Man- I Used A Different Cock .

Lady SMILED & Said

WHAT A COINCIDENCE...!!!!!!!

Little Student: Madam, when I grow up,

how will my wife have a baby?

Teacher: (after thinking for sometime)

An angel will come from heaven &

hand

over a baby to your wife.

Student: so who do I need to fuck ??

wife or angel ?

A Guy with 25 inch Long penis to

God : I can't live with this long penis..

God : Go to that Lake,

U will find a Female Frog. Ask her to

Marry u,

she'll say No & U will Lose 5 inch.

He Went & asked the Frog : will u

Marry me?

Frog : No

He Lost 5 inches.

He thought 20 inch is still Long.

So he asked again : will u Marry Me?

Frog : No

He Lost 5 inches More.

He thought 15 inch is Great,

But 10inches is Ideal

So he asked again : will u Marry me?

Frog : How many Times do I have to

tell u?

NO! NO! NO!

khel khatam

laude lag gaye !

4 Gals take lift in a Car full of

Engineers

Since no place, sat on their lap

After 10min

...Grl1:r u Telecom Engr

Boy1:how u know

Grl1:ur Tower is comunicating wit

my Unreachble area

Grl2:r u Computer Engnr?

Boy2:how u know?

Grl2:ur Pen drive is trying to

connect wit my USB Drive

Grl3:r u Automobile Engr?

Boy3:how u know?

Grl3:ur Piston is trying to move

into my Cylinder

Grl4: r u Civil Engr?

Boy4:how u know?

Girl4:ur Dam had broken &

flooded my Village;)

11 year old girl realized growing hair

between her

legs. Got worried and yelled Mom

about hair. Mom

calmly said. "That part where hair

has grown is

called a monkey, be proud that your

monkey has

grown hair."

Next morning at breakfast she told

her elder sister

"My monkey has grown hair"

Her Elder Sister smiled and said.

"that's nothing, mine started eating

banana's."

A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is

it OK for us guys to notice all the

different kind of boobs?"Surprised,

the father answers, "Well, sure son,

we wouldn't be normal if we didn't...

there are all kinds of

breasts.Depending on a woman's

age, they are different shapes.In her

twenties, a woman's breasts are like

melons, round and firm. In her

thirties to forties, they are like

pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After fifty, they are like

onions.""Onions, Dad?""Yeah, you

see them and they make you cry!"