#my plushies are apparently the elite guard

[lizzy-frizzle]

What they don't tell you about kids is that when you have one, your plushies become Elder Plushies, and so when your kid has a nightmare and needs a protector, your pile of plushies become a free source of "kid stop having nightmares" juice.

#my kids plushies arent effective protectors #guess they need training still #my plushies are apparently the elite guard #my kid loves my Hornet plushie the most #handing her Hornet solves 99% of night based issues

[alternativewinxcontinuity]

Final Fantasy VII

Characters: Multiple OCs (Outsider POV series), Zack Fair (the CloTi shipper), Cloud Strife, Cloud Strife's stunt-plushy Genre: Time Travel Crack

Plot: In which EVERYONE at Shinra is convinced 'Cloud Strife' is Zack's imaginary friend.

Even the people who work with him(Cloud).

Lucy stared at the application form being held up for her to see, Zack Fair smiling from the other side of the desk.

“You... want me to put this through?” she asked, making sure she understood what he wanted.

Zack nodded, “yeah, that'd be great, Cloudy's a few days out from Midgard still, he ran into a few... problems on the way over, and if the paper work doesn't go in today, he'll have to wait for months before he can apply again. Please?” The SOLDIER second class gave her an adorable pleading look.

Lucy folded like wet tissue paper.

“Alright, fine, but you owe me one,” snapping her fingers a few times, she held her hand out for the application form.

Application Form for ShinRa Military and SOLDIER Programs

Name: Cloud Strife

Age: Badass

Bloodtype: I have no blood, my body runs on liquid awesome

Reasons For Joining ShinRa: Zack Fair is my hero, he and I must be Soldier Bros, it's imperative for the continued existence of the planet

Medical History:

Three broken ribs, lower left side; Concussion, mild; left femur fractured; Various minor injuries (bruises, scrapes etc.)

{numerous illegal experimentation, for four years; extreme mako poisoning; year long coma; Retrograde Amnesia; Identity Disorder (sort of, Zack was Haunting me); Brain-jacked by insane demi-Alien; slightly less extreme mako poisoning; temporary death; Geo-Stigma} Negated by time travel, except for the Retrograde Amnesia, I still have that

Past Military Training:

Yes. I did complete ShinRa Military Training in the Past, but after being experimented on, most of my Pre-experiment memories were wiped, so I do not remember the training. I do however have Zack's Military training, but that just sort of happens, and I don't consciously remember that either.

Next of Kin:

Claudia Strauss Relationship: Mother of Applicant

Tifa Lockhart Relationship: Future Wife

Zack Fair Relationship: Brother From Another Mother

She stared at the form in open mouthed shock as she reread the contents, filled out in Zack's handwriting. He wasn't serious, surely?

Lucy looked up to double check, but the young man was no where in sight.

Ten minutes of incredulousness later, Lucy put the application through, she had agreed to after all.

Brenten had worked for the Shinra army as a quarter master for four and a half years, he'd seen some weird shit in his time, and had long since learned to go with with the flow.

(as long as all the paper work was above board.)

So when SOLDIER second class Fair showed up to pick up uniforms for a cadet entering basic training, Brenten shrugged and got the uniforms, not even frowning over how small the uniforms requested were.

He doubted the notoriously hyper SOLDIER was really pick up uniforms for an incoming cadet – why would he, he surely had more important SOLDIER things to do – but the paper work was in order, so the uniforms were handed over with no fuss.

ID photos were important, they went in official files, on two of five different ID cards, so no one in the office would ever let someone walk out with a bad photo.

Or a gag photo.

But when Zack Fair walked in with a handful of paper work, and toy chocobo under his arm, Margy knew things were going to change.

“Hey, how are you? You look well, listen... Margy right? Listen Mergy, my buddy Cloud is coming in tomorrow to join the new influx of recruits, and I know all the IDs are supposed to be finalised today, so I was hoping you could help me out,” he smiled, looking so hopeful, Margy didn't have the heart to say no.

“Of course, how can I help?”

“Well I brought this little guy,” Zack held out the chocobo toy, wearing a decent rendition of the cadet uniform, “I figured we could take a picture of him, and make up the IDs, then when Cloud arrives, we can just update the photo.”

Margy nodded, she could do that.

Zack trailed her around the small office as she set up the stuffed toy in front of the camera, watching over her shoulder as she fixed the picture and took the photo.

“Well, at least I don't have to worry about this little guy blinking,” she joked, Zack laughed and nodded in agreement. Margy asked for the paperwork, so she could finish making up the ID.

Her smile turned a little forced as she read through the details.

“Is everything alright? I didn't forget any of the paperwork did I?” Zack leaned forward, concern clearly written across his face.

“No, sweetie, it's fine,” she began entering the details into the system, a few moments later she handed Zack the cards, and bid him goodbye.

Watching him talk to the chocobo toy as he left, Margy wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

They'd all heard the rumours that SOLDIERs got a little... eccentric, but going to all this trouble for what was surely an imaginary friend?

Unbelievable.

Tseng watched Psyche take notes mechanically as people spoke around her. The woman had been tasked with running the psych evals for the newest bunch of recruits, and had long since stopped paying any real attention to what was going on around her.

A good night sleep and she'd be perfectly fine, but for now, the only thing that would snap her out of her burn out, was certain words or phrases that tended to indicate ill will against Shinra.

Flipping through the notes she'd taken, Tseng paused on one in particular.

Why do you want to work for Shinra:

Zack Fair. He asked me to, and it's been a while since I've been in the military, I was a delivery boy in the post apocalyptic future, but then I got caught up in a kind of time loop, so now I'm here.

Tseng raised an eyebrow and looked at the name on the interview, 'Cloud Strife.' Shaking his head slightly, the Turk looked up the applicant's file. The profile picture was a chocobo toy in a cadet uniform. The initial application form had been filled out in what was very obviously – to those familiar with it – Zack Fair's hand writing, and was... uniquely answered.

Calling up the video feeds from the interviews, Tseng felt a headache forming as the video cut out only five interviews in.

Trying not to let his irritation show, Tseng resolved to ask Psyche about the recruit tomorrow, and put the application interview notes aside to be dealt with then.

Psyche apologised profusely when she couldn't recall the boy from the previous day, though she did seem to recall a chocobo at one point, and thought she might have seen Zack Fair at some stage.

Cain Danvers had worked as a drill sergeant for Shinra for two years. This was his eighth batch of recruits, they'd honestly started blending together after the third batch. They'd done well over the past few months, they were perhaps his most promising recruits yet.

He just wished his cadets hadn't been the ones to be picked by Zack Fair to be his 'friend's' training group. The SOLDIER second class had dropped by unannounced several times over the few months to shout words of encouragement at the group, or more specifically, at 'Cloud.'

What the hell kind of name was 'Cloud Strife' anyway? Sounded like a made up stripper name to Cain.

Not to mention, one of his cadets had taken to carrying around a stuffed Chocobo toy wearing a cadet uniform, and claiming it was 'Cloud.'

At last though, the insanity was behind him, the cadets were graduating today, and it would no longer be Cain's problem.

“CAIN!” the man froze, hands hovering above his keyboard where he'd been entering the last report on the cadet's final exams.

“SOLDIER Fair,” Cain forced a smile onto his face, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just came by to see how Cloudy did, I bet he was the best in the whole class,” Zack hopped from foot to foot as he peered over Cain's shoulder to read the report.

The truth was, there were marks for Cloud, one of the Cadets, he wasn't sure which one under the helmet, had taken the exams with the chocobo tucked into his belt, claiming to be 'Cloud Strife.'

The marks had been pretty good too.

“Oh, awesome, passed with flying colours, ha ha, he'll be joining SOLDIER in no time at all,” Zack clapped Cain on the shoulder and skipped out the door.

Shari was in charge of Trooper assignment, she was very good at her job, assigning the best Trooper to the job every time.

She had very little to do with SOLDIERs, almost nothing in fact, if one didn't count her memberships to the fan clubs, so having the newly promoted First Class Fair march up to her desk and lean on it by his forearms was nerve wracking, and exhilarating, and she would do anything to touch his arms.

“Hey there, I'm Zack, you're Shari right?” She nodded dumbly, he knew her name! “So listen, I was just wondering if you could help me out a little?” Shari nodded more enthusiastically, sitting straighter in her chair. “Great,” his smile was the most amazing smile she'd ever seen in he life.

“My buddy, Cloud Strife, finished basic training a week ago, but he hasn't been put on any missions yet, Hel, he hasn't even been given guard duty, I was wondering if you could look into it for me?”

“You've got it,” she managed to say, turning to her computer. Shari pulled up the details on 'Cloud Strife' and paused. She'd heard about Cloud from some of the other members of staff, apparently it was an ongoing thing. The note in the file said to humour Zack, as the recent – and thankfully over and done with – behaviour of the three Elite First Class SOLDIERs, had everyone wondering if Fair would go (temporarily) crazy at some point.

“Oh, yeah, I see the problem, just some typical inter office lost mail stuff, I can put him on guard duty for a week while we get that sorted out, how does that sound?”

“Great, he'll be pleased, he was getting kind of worried, sitting around with nothing to do but train, hey, while we're here, could you find out what happened to his Cadet Allowance, he said he didn't get it during training. I just want to make sure all his stuff is right, cause if it turned out his pay was going to the wrong account this whole time, well, Trooper pay is a little better, but he'd go broke pretty fast, you know?”

Shari's smile was tight as she confirmed 'Strife's' details with Zack, “well, everything looks like it's in order, it must be something else. I will personally look into that for you sir, and I'll let you know what I find out.”

“Thanks, that's awesome, I'll leave you to your investigation.”

She waved at him nervously as he left, then called her supervisor, she'd bought time by assigning 'Cloud' to watch a low priority section of Shinra, but now she had to get a SOLDIER's imaginary friend back-pay.

Maybe she could ask Jason from IT to write a program-thingy that would send low priority assignments to 'Cloud's' allocated PHS, with time limits for completion, which would then allow the assignments to be reassigned afterwards, so they still got done.

Sephiroth paused as he neared the doorway.

It was a low risk area of he building, so it was very rare to see guards posted at it.

Tonight, there was only one (rather short) guard beside he door.

On the other side of the door frame was a stuffed chocobo in a tiny Trooper uniform with a toy gun propped against it, as it too seemed to stand guard duty.

“General?” The silver haired man jerked as the Trooper called out to him, “are you alright sir?”

“I'm fine,” Sephiroth shook his head and continued on. He'd heard rumours about this, he just hadn't expected the to be true.

Angeal really needed to have a chat with his puppy.

Angeal stared at his PHS as the latest updates from the 'Golden Chocobo' fanclub came up on his screen.

“Angeal?” Genesis waved his hand in front of his friend's face and, when that garnered no response, he took the device from Angeal's hand, turning it so he could see what had so entranced his friend.

On the screen was a picture of a downed Behemoth, a tiny chocobo toy in a trooper uniform perched atop it.

Snorting, Genesis flicked through the rest of the pictures from the 'Golden Chocobo' account.

There were dozens of pictures of the trooper chocobo in various locations, some were even accompanied by notes.

Like the picture of the toy surrounded by actual chocobos of ever colour known to man, which read: After three long and gruelling minutes of negotiation, the chocobos have accepted me as one of their own.

Genesis looked up at Angeal, who'd buried his head in his hands, and went back to the photos.

It was good for the troopers to have hobbies.

Genesis wondered who'd killed all the monsters for him though.

#FFVII #Final Fantasy VII #crack fic #time travel #outsider pov