#now COVID is a smoke like airborne virus so I can’t even sit in my own car or hide at the local church or library to cry in their bathrooms

[taviokapudding]

It’s painful how much I want to die but can’t because I still have so many obligations and things I want to do but can’t because every day I run out of time and my nerve pain knocks me out to at least sleep 3 hrs

#mun post #I’m very tired & being told everything is my fault #when my mom & her dementia do things as I try to fix the last thing she did #and then my dad tells me to never complain about the constant nerve pain I’m in but he can talk about it all he wants #I literally have to hide in our bathroom or lock myself in my room to not make noise because idk if my mom will hurt me #‘why didthe you clean the glass?’ I did but everyday she threatens to hurt me so I #let her take it out on the window she already broke and then you get mad - dad - that I don’t have your food laundry or stuff organized #when you get home so I have to prioritize that over glass #‘stop letting your mom hide food’ how if in the 5 mins I load the washing machine she’s already destroyed the door frame and then attempts #to put all the clothes she thinks are mine #in my bed with knives and random food #I can’t cure her- nobody can god damnit - why blame me for everything #if you don’t love her or want out of this situation l e a v e #you get to go to work and get out of the house every day vs I am trapped in a perpendicular he #ll that never ends and only gets worse and nobody is taking dementia patients and we can’t even afford the neurologist like please #all I want so badly is just 24hrs to sleep without being stressed #the fact random noises make me jump awake at night because I think it’s my mom coming into my room to choke me in my sleep #at least when she was still mentally sound I could fight back the abuse and run away and not worry about our house catching on fire while #I was gone dad at least I could cry in my car without anybody noticing dad #now COVID is a smoke like airborne virus so I can’t even sit in my own car or hide at the local church or library to cry in their bathrooms #and feel safe somewhere dad I miss seeing the lake and walking outdoors alone dad #I miss being free to work I want a job but when I reveal I must woh nobody wants me I- #I can’t ben clean my room because idk if my mom will flood our bathrooms or destroy your clothes d a d fuck #at least understand I am trying and stop blaming me when I HAVE KEPT YOUR FREEDOM ALIVE D AD #I wish I hadn’t fell and torn my nerves #sometimes I wish I had died in that moment #I wouldn’t be here always in pain but having to pretend I am okay all the time #I’m not okay and I am so tired