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#let her take it out on the window she already broke and then you get mad - dad - that I don’t have your food laundry or stuff organized
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the girl next door 1
Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, manipulation, chronic illness, noncon/dubcon, coercion, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.
Summary: A new neighbour moves in and upends your already disarrayed life.
Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself.
This lewk but silverfox
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“Mom, we should get going,” you say as you check your bag.
Your mother sits at the table. It’s cluttered as always. You can see her inhaler amid the mess. Wait, there’s another one. You cross the kitchen, only two steps, and grab both inhalers. You feel the subtle difference between them.
You take both, putting the full one back in the medicine cabinet and the other in the disposal bin. The doctor said the inhalent would help with your mother’s dopamine levels, balances her out a little, but the new treatment only seems to be another symptom of her disease. She hates doing it, she hates all of it, but you can’t blame her for that.
“We can’t be late for the consultation. We’ll be waiting another six months,” you come back to the kitchen.
She looks at you as she wobbles slightly. The tremor is more prominent than before. Each day you notice it more. All the little things changing about her. She’s a bit slower, her words don’t come easy or always clearly, and her mood grows grimmer and grimmer. So does yours.
You grab your purse and the keys. You’ll clean up when you get home. It doesn’t take very long for living to pile up though. Especially when you’re the only one to keep it in order.
Your mother grips the table and stands up. Getting her dressed was a battle already won. Her posture is slightly crooked as she shuffles around the table, “I’m moving.”
You step back, waiting patiently for her to round the table. She grumbles. Your mother was never bright and bubbly but ever since her diagnosis, she’s lost any glimmer of warmth. It’s like she’s living in a fog, just slowly wading through.
You walk down the hall ahead of her and pick out your shoes from the rack. As you kneel to tie your sneakers, she leans on the wall and slides her feet into the orthotic flats. She’s not very old yet. Neither of you expected her to decline so quickly.
You stand and open the door. You back up though the screen door and hold it for her. Her steps get a bit smoother the more she moves around. The permanent scowl sinks into the lines of her face as she comes out onto the porch. You lock the door behind her as she grunts and leans on the railing, stamping down each step to the walkway.
You follow behind her. That’s another problem. The lawn. The old mower broke. You haven’t been able to replace it.
As you trail your mother to the car, she swats you away. Sometimes you try too much for her. You know she must feel helpless. You back up as she sits heavily in the passenger seat and your eyes skim around the neighbourhood. The white sign on the lawn next to yours catches your eye.
You remember the finely dressed woman, her very image on the sign, and how she grimaced at the weeds and grass. If she’s going to sell the property, the neighbours shouldn’t be living in a jungle. You heard her say as much over the phone as she paced back and forth on the porch.
You mother pulls the door shut but it doesn’t click. You give it an extra push to secure it and round the hood. You get in the car and turn the key, rolling down the windows as the early summer morning crowds the tight space. Your mother mutters and wipes her forehead with a shaky hand.
“Let’s just go,” she sneers, “waste of my time...” she bends her arm over the open window, her fingers quivering, “damn doctors said it enough. Nothing they can do. Charlatans.”
“Mom,” you chide gently, “the surgery could help. If you qualify--”
“I heard ya last night,” she snaps. “Just drive.”
You nod and snap your mouth shut. You shift into reverse and back out of the drive. You know better than to talk too much. Your mother never liked hearing anything she didn’t want to hear. Facts are just an attack on her.
You steer down the street slowly, following the curve of the suburban street. The green lawns and white picket fences are palatial at first glance. It’s a 1950s fever dream implanted in the twenty-first century.
Your house is the black stain on an otherwise pristine canvas. The HOA must curse your grandmother for her leaving a perfectly nice home to a pair of beatnicks. You don’t blame them. You’re the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit, leaving a gaping hole in the picture.
The radio crackles on and you wince. Your mother struggles to turn the knob and the volume pendulums up and down. You reach to help her and she smacks your hand, only softly as she has little strength behind it. You retract and grip the wheel, listening to buzzing struggle of her unsteady. You just hope the appointment goes well.
🏠
Your mother hasn’t said much since the appointment. That worries you. What should be good news is just another dark cloud over her.
She sits as she often does; half-reclined in the chair by the window, watching the neighbourhood just outside the pane. She’s just a resentful of the picture-perfect neighbours as she if of everything else. As she is of you.
You tidy the kitchen table as the unsaid dangles in the air. You know better than to bring it up. She barely acknowledged it when the doctor said it. She’s a good candidate for surgery but it isn’t a cure. It will help with the symptoms but not stop them altogether. It’s not good enough for her but it might just be her only hope of relief, even if temporary.
“Bring me a coke,” your mother calls through and you hear the hollow tin clatter of an empty can.
You bring the dirty dishes to the sink and set them beside it. You go to the fridge to grab a red branded can and let the door shut on its own. As you enter the living room, your mother sits forward, the recliner snapping forward with her weight. She leans on and elbow as she squints through the window and cranes over the armrest.
You pick up the old can and put the new one on the small table by the chair. She sits back and takes the Coke, trembling as she struggles to crack the tab. You know better than to help her. The curl in her lip warns you better.
“Someone’s looking at the place next door,” she says.
“Oh?” You move behind her chair and try to the next house. You can only really see the edge of the porch from here. You could open the side window but that would give more than a view of the siding and might be too obvious. “New neighbours.”
“Eh, if it sells. Could do better without these stuck-up prissy bitches running around measuring grass,” she growls of the Home Owners’ Association.
You nod. She’s right. You’ve had to deal with that nosy blonde too many times.
“We’ll see,” she mutters as she finally gets the can open and slurps. “Just hope it’s not another bitch.”
You cross your arms and step closer to the window. You sense movement just beyond your vision and the realtor in her pantsuit comes down the front steps of the neighbouring house. She turns back to face someone you can’t see and speaks to him. Their words are garbled by the barrier of window and wall.
The woman smiles and spins to strut down to the sidewalk. A man follows after, a slow stroll in his long legs. He turns to face the house again and puts his hands in his pockets as he looks up at the facade. His eyes narrow as he considers it.
His gray hair is streaked with remnants of its former blond. If it wasn’t for the colour of his locks, you might not have guessed his age. He’s tall and his shoulders are broad. He’s built finely for any era.
Your mother leans forward again, “heh, lookie there,” she slurs.
She leers through the window as you stare blankly out. A new neighbour just means another person to complain about the lawn; or another person for your mother to complain about. The man pivots on his sole and pauses, his gaze set in your direction. You don’t think he can see you, not with how the sun reflects off the square panes. He stalls for just a moment before he turns complete, striding up towards the realtor.
You back up and retreat toward the kitchen. You mother hums as she continues to snoop through the window. The recliner squeaks beneath her as she shifts in the seat.
“Bit old for a family man,” she tuts.
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rainyvandragon · 3 months
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Oh those precious memories~
See I could tell myself that it's okay that I'm writing this because I am a catholic woman but let's be real those things just aren't true any more. So instead I am going to claim this as an emotional craving because of that time of the month. Definitely nothing along the lines of 10 year revival of my fanfiction writing phase. And it's totally, in no way related to any issues I might have. Totally sane, I tell you.
! 18+ Minors do not interact, I am NOT a fckn daycare!
Yandere! Hazbin Hotel x GN! Reader
Content warning: obsessive behaviour, stalking, slight NSFW (more in some parts then others), just a bunch of red flags and things that I do not condone irl
Charlie:
Honestly Charlie might be the most sane of the bunch in this regard
She isn't to interested in stealing anything from you, that is just not something she would be comfortable with – in general but especially with her Darling
However she doesn't mind keeping things that you let her borrow
It doesn't even matter what
You gave her a hair tie because one of hers broke? She'll cherish it forever
It was raining on a day she had to go out and you suggested she could use your umbrella? Pretty much hers now
Of course the greatest thing for her would be you lending her some of your clothes
She would most likely spend the next nights cuddling up to it in bed
Oh the frustration when the fabric no longer smells like you but rather her!
Yeah sure, she can give you your things back. She just forgot them in her room, oops! Don't worry she'll get them later
Unless she forgets again...
Vaggie:
She would never take anything you truly need or value
In all seriousness, Vaggie could never stand the idea of inconveniencing her Darling
However unlike Charlie she is just not close enough with you (yet) to count on you giving things to her
So instead she uses the position she has in the Hotel
There was a movie night with everybody invited?
Well somehow ever since the clean up the blanket you were cuddled up in is gone. Oh well, Vaggie will just get a new one, they weren't that expensive to begin with anyway (and if she is fast enough with it nobody is even going to notice anything)
Sadly those lucky occasions that allow her to grab some reminders of your shared time don't come around to often
And Vaggie respects you and herself to much to steal from you or go through your garbage bin
Thankfully she has the patience to wait for those windows of opportunity
And hey, since everything went relatively smoothly this week why not suggest another movie night to Charlie? Everyone involved seemed to enjoy it anyway – so there really is no harm done, right?
Angel:
Anybody who immediately thought of Angel stealing his Darling's underwear needs to take a cold shower!
Now don't get me wrong – he has thought about it
He does have a relatively high drive and desire for intimacy and sex
So sure the idea of taking something rather personal from you did cross his mind
But deep down Anthony just is a little sweetheart and he just couldn't take something like your underwear or other intimate items from you without any sort of consent
As for other, less private things
It doesn't matter if Angel and you have the same of different sizes – he WILL steal your clothes and wear them
If you wear make-up or nail polish he will definitely “borrow” things – especially lipstick
Now if his Darling is somebody who likes to keep a lot of pillows or plushies in bed he is definitely not shy about taking things from that pile either. Although, depending on how well Darling keeps track of those things, he might only borrow them for a night or two – maybe rotating between some, making sure to leave them under the bed upon returning so it looks like it just fell off the mattress
Alastor:
Now Alastor is already rather torn apart when he first noticed his desire for your belongings
He never once though about stealing from you...until you forgot something in the lobby – a book, notebook, pen, whatever it was – it was just lying there on the table next to the couches
Ever the gentleman he obviously wanted to return it to you but something inside of him fought against the very idea of it. This might be the closet he gets to having you (at least for now), his Darling
As his obsession towards you continues to grow some of his past life's interests stir awake inside of him
One day whilst helping out you cut yourself on some damaged bit of furniture. Alastor is immediately there to offer you a handkerchief to stop the bleeding – a handkerchief that quickly becomes one of his most prised possessions
If his Darling has a period he might steal some...used goods
However in comparison to some of the others, he is a lot less hungry for souvenirs
Although that is really just because, unlike them, he can use his shadows to be around you whenever and as close as he pleases
Husk:
Husk would never just go into his Darling's room to steal things from them – even if the idea sounds lovely
No instead he just checks for things you leave behind
Now his job at the hotel really helps him with that
You almost exclusively talk at the bar (“Redemption Based Group Exercises” being the only real exception)
At this point he has a rather large collection of napkins that you used or doodled on
Sometimes they disgust him but then he looks at them, the little doodles (even just to test a pen) you left on some of them, all those marks of you (bonus points for lipstick stained napkins) and he just can't
The guilty feelings are even worse with a tissue you once cried it. It's just to close of a reminder of you to throw away!
Anything small that you forget at or close to the bar gets saved by him – pens, small pieces of paper, hair ties, buttons from your clothes, whatever really. If it's small and unimportant enough for you to not really miss it he is going to keep it
Nifty:
Nifty is easily the worst of them all
She is small, fast, obsession driven and the hotel's maid on top of that
What matters most to her is how close to your body her little mementos are (it's pretty much the same way in wish the catholic church determines the value of a saint's relic)
Nifty will most definitely collect hair out of your brush
Or rummage through your garbage bins
Now if somebody is going to steal used period products!
She just really doesn't value her Darling's privacy in the slightest so she has no issues going through every little crevice of your room to look for some “hidden treasures”
Although her favourite thing to do is sleep in your used bedsheets
She is going to wash them – don't worry! Simply just not without first sleeping in them herself for a bit
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Welp this is the first time in a long while that I've actually written fanfiction so I got those emotions to sort through I guess.
English is not my first language however given how arrogant I can be regarding my skills this should be well enough written. Prove reading was done by Open Office's spell checking system and my high ass.
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marriedtobigfoot · 1 year
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Part two of this story, where Robin discovers Steve’s type. A lot of people seemed interested in more, so here you go! 
The conversation doesn’t go quite the way Robin is expecting it. She’s fully prepared for Steve to launch into saying how confused he is because he’s feeling weird pants feelings for Eddie, but how does that work because he likes girls? She’s been mentally preparing herself for that exact discussion since she watched Eddie Munson call her best friend ‘Big Boy’ in the middle of committing grand theft auto. So when Steve starts talking, curled up on the gross linoleum tile of Family Video, she’s taken by surprise. She doesn’t even get the chance to answer his question before he’s throwing her prepared speech out the metaphorical window. 
“That’s stupid, you already told me that. Sharon Parker in the 5th grade, holding hands for Red Rover, blah blah blah, I know that. But like…Have you ever acted different around a girl, and then one day, you realize it’s because you like her? Like, you had a crush on a girl without even realizing it? Does that make any sense?” 
It takes Robin a second to reboot, but the second she manages, Steve throws her even further off track. 
“It’s just, Tommy H came by the other day, and he said some stuff that really has me thinking and-” 
Robin can’t stop herself. As soon as she hears a name other than Eddie Munson, she has a hand out covering Steve’s mouth. He gives her a look, surprised and confused. Maybe a little annoyed. She valiantly ignores him because what he just said has her head spinning, and she needs to put a stop to it right now. 
“Steve. My best friend in the whole universe. I’m here for whatever you need and whatever you might be figuring out about yourself. You know I’m going to support you 100% no matter what happens but…Please. PLEASE tell me that you didn’t just discover you have a crush on TOMMY H! He isn’t even your type, Steve! He isn’t even in the ballpark of your type! He’s so far off it’s honestly kind of laughable and-” 
Now it’s Steve who puts a hand over her mouth. 
“Jesus, Robin! First of all, gross. I’m not into Tommy, okay? Never gonna happen, not in a million years. And second, what the hell do you mean ‘my type?’ What the hell would you know about my type?” 
Robin carefully removes his hand from her face and shakes her head. She has absolutely no clue where this conversation is going, but there’s still a chance it can work its way somewhere good. Somewhere Munson-related. And she owes it to Steve to listen to his crisis properly. 
“Nevermind, forget that. What happened with Tommy?” 
“Okay well, he came over, like I said. He was super wasted, and I guess he and Carol broke up? And he started talking about when we were friends, and how he always used to try and get closer to me. He said he almost asked me if I wanted to practice kissing once? And he talked about like, trying to touch me all the time, trying to make me laugh? Basically saying he had a crush on me, which was super weird.” 
Robin nodded, because really, she had no idea what to say to that. 
“And then he kissed me. Which was kind of gross because he tasted like whisky and he was being all sloppy, like he wanted to eat my face. But…” 
“But?” 
“It wasn’t as gross as I would have expected I guess.” 
“I thought you said you didn’t like him!” 
“I don’t! It just, wasn’t a totally horrible kiss okay? Only a little horrible.” 
Robin sighed and let her head tip back against the wall. 
“Okay, I’m not seeing your dilemma yet. Tommy liking you and kissing you is kind of weird sure, but it doesn’t change anything about you.” 
Steve’s eyebrows furrowed, and he let out a puff of air. He looked small in this bathroom, scared in a way that Robin hated. They had faced down monsters, torture, long shifts with Keith. A conversation with his best friend should never have Steve looking that afraid, ever. 
She reached out and took his hand in her, giving it a gentle squeeze. 
“Hey, it’s okay Steve. Tell me what’s going on in that head.” 
“It’s just…Some of what Tommy said. About how he tried to get closer to me, to touch me and make me laugh and shit? I guess I realized that I’m doing that stuff. With somebody else. And if Tommy did it because he liked me then…” 
“You think it might mean you like this person. This…guy?” 
“Yeah. This guy.” 
There it was, the Eddie Munson of it all. Because Robin only knew of one guy that Steve spent his time with and would be trying to be touchy and close with. She had watched it happen with her own eyes, the way Steve would look for reasons to lean past Eddie, to put a hand on his shoulder, his back, once getting brave and putting a hand on his waist. She’d watched Eddie do the exact same things around Steve, too.
Part of her almost just comes out and tells Steve, that she knows who he’s talking about. Except he still looks unsure. He looks like he wants to throw up a little, and Robin has to fix that. 
“You know it’s okay right? For you to like this guy?” 
“I know. It’s just weird, to realize I might like him that way. Normally I can figure out when I’m into someone.” 
“Well, normally you aren’t friends with the people you’re into first. That makes it confusing.” 
“And I’m normally into people with boobies.” 
“That too.” 
Steve lets out a tiny laugh, and it makes Robin beam. Something about Steve is lighter now, like somethings been lifted off his chest, something that’s been there for a really long time without him knowing. She wants to tell him how much she’s loves him. How much she cares about him and supports him. She wants to tell him about all her research, and fully explain to him her findings when it comes to ‘his type.’ 
She wants to tell him that she knows the guy he likes is Eddie. That she thinks Eddie might like him too. 
The ‘ring for service’ bell ruins her chance at saying any of it. 
She and Steve both clamber off the floor, adjusting their vests before exiting the bathroom to greet whoever keeps ringing the stupid bell over and over again. Robin can’t decide if it’s the best luck in the world, or the worst, when it’s Eddie Munson himself standing at the counter. 
She leans towards best luck when she sees the way Steve’s cheeks go red.
A few people asked to be tagged if I did a part 2, so hopefully I do that right! I’ve got a few more parts planned, so if anybody else wants to be tagged let me know and I’ll do my best!
@kaiscove​ @wolfstarlights​  @awkwardgravity1​ @anonymousbandgirl​  @f1ct1onwh0re
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punkshort · 3 months
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somewhere to run | 6. the confession
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Pairing: sheriff!Joel x f!reader
Chapter Summary: Joel finds out the truth and convinces you to press charges.
Chapter Warnings: language, angst, PTSD type symptoms, mutual pining, domestic violence and SA (discussed after the fact), mental and physical abuse, detailed conversations about DV and SA (I didn't get too descriptive about the SA but I do use the R word a couple times) please let me know if I missed anything because there is a lot going on here
WC: 9K
A/N: as the title implies, we are going to get more details about what happened to reader in this one so once again, please heed the warnings and don't read if you think it will be triggering for you. I tried not to be too graphic.
Series Masterlist
Joel could hardly sleep that night. Instead of going to the station, he headed home so he could be with Sarah. She wondered why he got home so early from his date, but he dodged the question and the two of them worked together in silence - Sarah on her homework, Joel on his incident report. When she asked him why he was working from home, he just shook his head and said something came up. She was a smart girl. She knew something was bothering him, but she didn't push it and he was grateful.
He tossed and turned all night, his mind reeling while he looked at his phone every few minutes. He checked the volume, he made sure do not disturb was off, wondering if you would reach out, but you never did. Maybe it wasn't unusual for Patrick to not come home. Or maybe you heard what happened and you were mad at Joel. That worried him the most. The fear that his actions might have destroyed what fragile relationship he had left with you ate him up as he stared blankly at his ceiling.
Morning came too quickly and too slowly all at once. He rubbed his tired eyes as he dragged himself into the bathroom. When he leaned forward to turn the water on, he was met with a sharp pain in his chest. He glanced down, rubbing the area tenderly and realized a large bruise was forming from his fight the night before. He winced when he pressed on a particularly sensitive spot and tried his best to avoid the area during his shower.
After he dropped Sarah off at school, he headed into work, his heart beginning to beat faster the closer he got to the station. He had no doubt in his mind the whole town knew what happened last night, but he was too tired and too overwhelmed to care about their curious questions and senseless gossip.
When he walked in, he breezed right past Helen's desk with a curt nod, doing his best to avoid all eye contact until he was within the safety of his office. He booted up his ancient computer and waited, his thumb rubbing mindlessly against his lower lip as he stared out his window.
He would go to the diner today. He already decided he had to see you. The radio silence was killing him and he needed to make sure you were okay. He was embarrassed about the Facebook messages, even more so that you weren't the one to read them, but Patrick was right. They were not innocent. The words held more weight than they appeared, but he had to come to terms with the fact that you were not his, and then maybe with some closure, he would be able to move on.
The morning dragged on slowly. Bobby caught him at the coffee maker, already working on his third cup, depending solely on the caffeine to help keep him going.
"Hey, boss. You look like shit, but not as bad as him," Bobby said, pouring himself more coffee and jutting his chin to the back of the building where the holding cells were located.
"Feel like shit," Joel mumbled, leaning against the counter and taking a sip from his mug.
"Think you broke his nose," Bobby added, finally looking up at him. "Called the doc but turns out he's real busy this mornin', won't be able to come by til after hours. Such a damn shame," he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Joel understood what he was saying without him having to say it. The people in this town looked out for one another and didn't take kindly to a stranger hurting one of their own. They were leaving Patrick to deal with his injuries longer than necessary.
"I don't think I broke anythin', he did that all on his own chargin' into that table," Joel said, but Bobby shook his head.
"Not the way he tells it," he replied with a chuckle. "You'd think you nearly killed him, the way he's been whinin' back there."
"No doubt lookin' for a lawsuit," Joel said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Don't worry, boss. You got a bar full'a witnesses. Hank already offered to give a statement and he was probably the only sober one there."
"Yeah, good. Thanks," Joel replied, pushing off the counter to head back to his office, trying to ignore the sideways glances of the men watching him from the bullpen. He shook his mouse and grimaced when he saw an email from the mayor looking to set up a meeting with him that week to discuss the incident. He knew he did nothing wrong, but the more attention this brought him, the worse he felt. Eventually, all of that talk would make its way back to you and Sarah, the truth most likely getting distorted along the way. He made a mental note to have a talk with his daughter that night as he slowly typed out a response to the mayor.
He swore he would try to get some actual work done, but he ended up spending more time staring out the window or at his phone, watching the minutes tick by til it was lunchtime and he could see you. Maybe he could pull you aside and talk to you in private. Maybe he could fix this.
The moment the clock read a reasonable hour, he jumped up from his seat and snatched his blazer from the coat hook, rolling his shoulders as he walked and put it on, then stifling a grunt when he felt a muscle in his chest pull from the effort.
He kept his head down as he walked down the street towards the diner, only glancing up once when he passed the pizza place. Your curtains were still drawn, no lights on that he could see, no sign of life.
A few people called out to him as he passed, but all he could muster was a tight smile and quick wave, not in the mood to get wrapped up into any conversations.
When he swung the door open, his eyes immediately went to the counter, searching you out but only finding Betty. Before he had a chance to look around the dining room, he heard María greet him.
"Where the hell were you last week?"
"I was here Friday," he muttered, looking around and avoiding her eyes.
"Yeah, with Nikki. Heard some stuff about that-"
"Is she here?" Joel asked, finally dragging his gaze to meet Maria's. She frowned and shook her head.
"No, she called in sick," Maria said, watching him carefully. "Joel, what's going on with you two? People are saying stuff about you and her husband, and-"
"She's sick?" Joel repeated, panic beginning to bubble to the surface. Maria nodded and shrugged.
"Yeah, people get sick, Joel. Hey! Where are you going?"
Joel didn't reply, he just hurried out the doors, nearly knocking down a middle aged couple as they were about to walk inside. He mumbled an apology as he jogged down the street towards your place.
Something was wrong.
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Your eye cracked open when you heard the doorbell, the heavy thudding in your head making you immediately nauseous. You groaned and squeezed your eyes shut, rolling back under the covers. Maybe if you were quiet, Patrick would think you were at work and he would leave. But the bell kept ringing, the sound pinging around in your brain making the headache you already had so much worse.
When he began pounding on the door and shouting from the street, you dragged yourself out of bed and wrapped yourself in a thin robe. You knew your body couldn't take much more, but letting him in would be better than allowing him to make a scene in front of the whole town, so you forced your feet forward, still limping from the day before.
You had to pause in the doorway to catch your breath as you clutched your side, wincing in pain as you tried to gingerly walk down the steps, but you were taking too long and he just kept pounding and shouting and the all noise was making you sick.
"Stop," you called out weakly, not convinced he would even hear you, but miraculously he did because the noise finally ceased, and you sighed a small breath of relief.
Shakily, you reached out to grip the doorknob, your fingers fumbling with the locks until you finally managed to twist the brass handle, opening the door just a sliver, worried people walking by would see your face. Then, unexpectedly, you heard Joel's voice instead of Patrick's say your name softly and before you could peer around the door, you went to quickly shut it with no success. His hand gripped the door tightly, but you held firm, hiding behind the wood.
"You shouldn't be here," you told him, your voice weak and broken.
"I know you're mad at me but I gotta talk to you 'bout what happened," he said from the other side. "Please let me in."
Unbeknownst to you both, you were talking about two different things.
"If he finds you here... no, you have to leave," you said, pushing the door again, but he didn't budge.
"Patrick?" he questioned, sounding confused.
"Yes, Patrick," you rasped, getting dizzy from exerting so much energy in your weakened state. "Please just go."
"He's in jail, did - no one told you?" he asked quietly, trying to keep his voice down.
"Jail?" you repeated, and your grip on the door loosened in surprise. Joel felt it and took the opportunity to open it further. You stepped back quickly, wrapping the robe around you tighter and trying to fidget with your hair to hide the marks, but you knew it was pointless the moment you saw his face after closing the door behind him.
"What the fuck?" he whispered, his jaw dropping as his eyes slowly raked over your face, neck and arms. Your lip was swollen and cut, the scab breaking open and beginning to weep the more you spoke. Your cheekbone had a light purple bruise blooming under your skin, as did your jaw. There was a small gash near your hairline and what looked like scratch marks down your neck, leading past your collar bone and below your robe. When you shakily brought your hands up to cover your face in shame, he saw the dark bruises on your wrists.
"Oh my god," he whispered, unable to bring his voice any louder. When he reached out, you flinched away and he felt like he had been stabbed in the chest.
"You should go," you said quietly, your eyes pinned to the ground.
"I can't," he said in utter disbelief. "I can't... why didn't you call me?"
You looked like you were about to reply but decided against it and instead still kept your gaze averted.
"C'mon, lemme take you upstairs and get a look at you," he said, reaching out again, but you stumbled backwards, nearly falling onto the steps.
"Please don't touch me," you told him, holding up a hand, and he nodded.
"Okay, I won't touch you," he said, trying to remain calm while his heart was breaking. "Let's just go upstairs, alright?"
Reluctantly, you agreed and slowly ascended the steps, Joel following dutifully behind. He ushered you over to the couch, making sure you were seated before he went to your bathroom, rummaging around in your medicine cabinet while you sat there, your face buried in your palms and trying not to cry.
He came back into the living room, trying not to make you feel worse by hiding his reaction, but it was hard. He swallowed and dropped his eyes to the assortment of first aid items in his hands.
"Did you take anything for the pain?" he asked, his voice thick, his throat tight.
"Not today, no," you admitted softly. He nodded and shook out two white pills from a bottle and handed them to you before getting you some water. While safely in the kitchen where you couldn't see him, he let out a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down. How could this happen? How didn't he see it? He should have checked on you earlier. He never should have fucking let you leave with Patrick yesterday. Guilt racked his brain as he exhaled slowly and went back to you in the living room.
"Here," he said, handing you the bottle of water. You took it and popped the pills in your mouth, wincing as you swallowed them down.
He sat down on the couch next to you but was sure to give you your space as he picked up the antiseptic and some gauze.
"Will you let me?" he asked, holding up the items in his hand. You paused and looked at them, then him. His eyes were wide and soft and shiny with unshed tears. Slowly, you nodded and watched as he twisted off the cap and put some of the antiseptic on the gauze, first pressing it gently against the gash on your forehead, then making a fresh one for your lip.
At first, he dabbed at the cut gently, ghosting over your skin as if he were afraid. But then he brought his other hand up to caress your chin, his fingers feather-like and so careful that it made your eyes flutter shut, his touch unlike anything you were used to. When you finally opened your eyes again, his hands were gone and he was staring at you, the look in his eyes morphing from sadness to one you were much more familiar with.
"I'm gonna fuckin' kill him," he said menacingly, sending a shiver down your spine.
"Don't," you said, shaking your head, but his eyes darkened and his jaw was set.
"Why didn't you tell me, sweetheart? I could've done somethin'. I could've-"
"What? What could you have done, Joel? I've heard it all before," you told him, your lip trembling. "I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. And it never works. Nothing ever changes and it just gets worse."
Joel shook his head, still not understanding.
"I'm a cop, I coulda protected you. There's laws in place for this kinda thing."
"I've gone to the cops, Joel! More than once! And they all told me the same shit!" you exclaimed, getting worked up now. "Then I go home, and magically my statement goes missing, or my medical exam report, and I'm in worse shape than before because guess what? It makes him really fucking mad when his buddies on the force find out what he does to his wife at home."
Joel's lips parted as he watched your chest heave for breath, the energy quickly draining from your frail body.
"I... I'm so sorry," was all he could say. He couldn't blame you for not trusting anyone, especially him, now that he finally knew the truth. Everything was starting to make sense. His guilt was pulling him down and he felt like he was drowning in it. So many things he should have done. Should have seen. He should have helped you but instead he trotted Nikki in front of you to make you feel even worse.
"I can really help you, though. I ain't like that," he said, scooting a little closer to you.
"I've heard that before, too," you said sadly, dropping your gaze to the ground. "There's no getting out of this. I thought by running I could try to start over, but it's clear now he will never let me go." You closed your eyes as two tears fell down your cheeks. You wiped them away angrily, hating yourself for being so weak all the time.
Joel felt his chest squeeze, his heart breaking as he watched you fall apart. He needed to do something. He couldn't let you down. You needed to get out of this, or else it could cost you your life.
"Look at me," he said, waiting until your tears slowed and you forced your eyes open. "I promise I'll help you. I fuckin' promise you, alright? You ain't in Pennsylvania, I ain't his buddy, and I will do whatever I gotta do to keep you safe."
You searched his face, eyes all wide and your heart sliced open, lying on the table between you. You've been let down so many times, it was so hard to tell when anyone was being truthful anymore, but you couldn't deny what you felt for him. And what he felt for you. You knew something was there, something real and honest and pure. He wouldn't have any reason to lie to you at this point, so after a moment, you nodded.
"Okay," you whispered, and you could see the relief flood his face.
He sat back on the couch and rubbed his chin in thought, staring at the TV screen across from him that wasn't even on while the gears in his tired head worked overtime.
"Alright," he finally said, slapping his knees and standing up from the couch. "First things first: you gotta get to a doctor."
You immediately recoiled and shook your head.
"Absolutely not."
"I'm sorry, but you have to. I gotta..." he trailed off and chewed the inside of his cheek before pushing onward. "I gotta have a doctor take pictures."
Your face instantly crumpled and you buried your face in your hands once again.
"I'm sorry," he whispered for what felt like the hundredth time, getting down on one knee to be eye level with you. "But in order for this to work, they gotta record evidence, okay?"
"Joel, I can't," you whimpered, your face still covered, but he nodded and caressed the side of your head with his palm.
"Yes, you can. I'll be right there, okay? Unless you don't want me there, but I'll go with you if you want. Or I'll wait outside the door. Whatever you need, I'll do it. I'm gonna get you outta this."
You sniffled and finally dropped your hands to your lap, your gaze finding his.
"This is the last time, I promise you," he said, staring deep into your eyes. "I'll never let him near you again."
You thought his words over for a moment, the two of you sitting in silence, looking at the other. One trying to earn trust, the other trying to give it. Finally, you closed your eyes and nodded, giving your consent for what was to come.
"Okay," Joel said softly, dropping his hand from your face and standing up to pull out his phone.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm lookin' up the number of a doctor I trust. She's a woman, too. She's real nice and sensitive. I've used her for a couple cases in the past," he said, finding the number and dialing it, bringing the phone up to his ear. Cases. You couldn't help but feel like just another victim the way he said it, even though he didn't mean it that way. You listened as he spoke to her over the phone in a hushed tone, not giving too much of your information away but insisting it was an urgent matter. When he hung up, he turned to you with a weak smile.
"She can see you this afternoon."
"Oh," you said, glancing down at your appearance. You weren't expecting to leave the house that day and you weren't sure what to do.
"It's okay," he said, sitting down next to you again and resting his hand on your knee. "I'll take you through the backdoor of her office, no one'll see you. She'll be fast."
You nodded and looked up at him.
"Maybe I should shower," you said. He paused and shifted his gaze away.
"You, uh," he cleared his throat and rubbed his forehead with the pads of his fingers. He knew this would come up, one way or another. "I don't mean to get into too much detail, but if he..." Joel trailed off, finding it difficult to finish his sentence. "If he did more than hit you, you shouldn't shower," he finally choked out, unable to look you in the eye.
You froze, finally understanding what he meant. He kept his eyes fixed on the wall, his neck tensing, his nostrils flaring, as he waited for your response.
"I won't shower, then," you finally said, your voice strained.
His eyes slid shut and he dropped his chin to his chest. Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He pinched the bridge of his nose while he tried to steady his breathing.
"I'll just go change," you mumbled, standing up while he nodded, still trying to breathe.
He did his best to collect himself while you were out of the room, but he could feel himself spiraling. What was he doing when it happened? Was he watching a movie with Sarah? Was he eating dinner? Was he getting ready for his fucking date with Nikki?
He could feel the tears welling up but he quickly wiped them away. You needed him to be strong. You needed someone to help you, to take care of you. He couldn't afford to be weak right now. He would let himself feel it later, when he was all alone at home and Sarah was asleep. When nobody needed him and he could just let the guilt and shame and sorrow wash over him.
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"Jesus, Joel," Carol muttered as she left the exam room. Joel jumped up from his seat, anxiously waiting for it to be over. He rubbed his palms against his pants, trying to wipe the sweat away. She sighed and looked up at him, taking off her glasses.
"So?"
"So?" she repeated, shaking her head. "So, I have your evidence."
Joel nodded, waiting for her to continue.
"She's been through a lot," Carol said softly, walking him down to her office for privacy. She closed the door but he didn't sit down.
"She's gonna be lookin' for me," he explained, jutting his thumb over his shoulder.
"I'll be quick," she said, sitting down at her desk with a sigh. "There was significant scarring and healed bones, detailing years of abuse, and definitely evidence of some most recently."
"Yeah, I imagine anyone can see that by just lookin' at her face," he replied, but she shook her head.
"I didn't mean her face."
Joel felt his breath get caught in his throat.
"Right," he finally said, his voice cracking.
"She said her husband is a cop?" Carol asked, flipping open a yellow file on her desk. Joel nodded.
"Got him in lockup right now for swingin' on me at Hank's," he explained.
Carol's eyes glanced up at his and she quirked an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I heard something about that," she said, lacing her fingers together and looking at him closely. "Can I give you some advice, Joel?"
He shifted his weight, not sure where she was going with it, but nodded anyway.
"Don't take her statement yourself. Have someone else do it, alright?"
"Why?" he asked quickly, and she gave him a knowing look.
"Because it'll be gruesome, and you're too involved."
Joel frowned.
"Too-"
"Don't care what you've got going on with her, I'm just giving you some friendly advice. Let someone else do it," she said, her eyes softening. "Besides, you got into it with her husband last night. You don't want some hot shot lawyer tossing out her testimony in court because he can link together some personal relationship between you two."
Joel considered her words for a moment and reluctantly nodded. She was right. He was having a hard time keeping things separate, and he appreciated the clarity. He couldn't fuck this up for you. Not now.
"Anythin' else?"
She leaned back in her chair and shook her head.
"You'll have my report in the morning," she said. He nodded, thanking her again for seeing you on such short notice before exiting the room. He turned the corner just as you were opening the exam room door clutching a worn hoodie around yourself and looking around frantically before your eyes fell on him and you visibly relaxed.
"Hey, sorry. You alright?" he asked, his hands gently coming up to your shoulders to guide you towards the back exit. You gulped and nodded.
"Wasn't so bad," you said.
"Good. You did the right thing," he said as he held open the door for you and led you back to his truck.
Once you were comfortably seated and Joel merged back into traffic, you shot him a sideways glance and asked him the question that had been weighing on your mind since he came over that morning.
"Joel?"
"Hm?" he said, twisting his head to the side to change lanes.
"Why is Patrick in jail?"
Joel's grip on the steering wheel tightened and there was an uncomfortable pause before he sighed.
"He came at me last night. We happened to both be at a bar at the same time, he was drunk and swung on me."
"What?!" you exclaimed, twisting around in your seat to look at him.
"I thought you knew since he didn't come home last night. Thought you were avoidin' me by callin' off work," he said, keeping his eyes fixed on the road.
"No, I had no idea. He hasn't been staying at my apartment, he has a motel room somewhere," you said, peering at his face, then dropping your gaze to his hands where you could see now his knuckles were a little red.
"Are you okay?" you asked after a beat, and he scoffed.
"Am I okay?" he repeated with a shake of his head. He looked at you in shock, the corner of his mouth turning up into a half smirk. "I'm fine. Can't believe you'd be worried 'bout me after what you went through."
"Of course I worry about you," you said softly, and he felt his heart melt. Why did you have to be so sweet? After everything you've been through, after everyone in your life has let you down, you were still so fucking sweet.
He wanted to say more. He wanted to say so much more, but he couldn't. He couldn't put that kind of stress on you. It would be selfish to tell you how much he thinks about you, how much he wished you were his, how he hasn't been able to get you out of his head since the moment he laid eyes on you. No, that would be wrong. It wasn't the right time, so he swallowed the words back from the tip of his tongue and focused on the road.
"What's next?" you asked him as he walked you up to your front door. Mercifully, the weather was threatening to downpour so the streets were quiet.
"Well, next you'll have to come down to the station and give your statement so we can formally press additional charges," he said, knowing you wouldn't want to hear it but he was surprised when you simply nodded your head.
"Okay. When?"
"Tomorrow?" he offered, and you nodded again as you unlocked your door.
"I'll have to call off work or come by after," you told him, stepping inside and turning to look at him.
"Listen, 'bout that," Joel began, and you frowned. "I gotta tell Tommy."
"No!" you cried, your eyes going wide with worry, but he shushed you and shook his head.
"I gotta tell him so he can keep an eye on things, alright? I won't be able to keep him in lockup for much longer and I can't be with you all the time to protect you, d'you understand?"
"Joel..." you whimpered, burying your face in your hands. He had to physically restrain himself from pulling you into his arms. He fucking hated seeing you like this.
"We can file a restraining order tomorrow but a piece of paper won't necessarily keep him away, and I can't risk it," Joel explained, his heart breaking for you.
"Okay," you sniffled, finally coming to terms with it. If you were going to do this, you had to trust him.
"Okay," Joel repeated. "Tommy served in the Army, he knows what he's doin', I promise. I'll tell him to keep it quiet, alright?"
"Yeah," you whispered, rubbing your nose with the back of your hand.
"And no more walkin' back from work in the dark. Take your car or get a ride. If I can, I'll drive you - " Joel pulled out his phone to look at his calendar, but you stopped him.
"I can manage, but thank you."
You looked at one another for a moment, both of you unsure what else to say. You were thankful for what he was doing but you weren't sure you had the words to properly express your gratitude. Everything you wanted to say felt so small, so insignificant. So instead of attempting to cobble together some sentence that wouldn't do your feelings justice, you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around his waist, burying your face against his warm chest. He quickly brought his arms up around you in return, gently placing his hands on your head and back as he held you carefully against him, as if he was worried you would break. He was absolutely certain you could feel how hard his heart was thumping in his chest, but he didn't care. He just wanted to feel you, to hold you, to keep you safe.
"It's gonna be okay," he told you, his voice heavy, and he felt you nod against him before pulling back, his chest suddenly feeling so empty.
"Thank you," you whispered, then spared him one more glance before heading inside, the door clicking shut softly behind you.
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Later that evening, after you had forced yourself to eat some soup and drink some water, you were settling in on your couch when you heard a soft knock at your door. You muted your TV and strained your ears to listen. It didn't sound like a familiar knock, not one filled with anger or urgency. You glanced down at your phone, wondering if Joel had sent you a text that you missed, but nothing was there.
Hesitantly, you made your way down the steps. Your fingers brushed the doorknob, but before you opened it, you spoke through the door.
"Who's there?"
"It's me," Maria's voice drifted through the wood, and you breathed a sigh of relief. You unlocked the door and met her eyes. She tried to hold back the wince upon seeing your face, but you still caught it.
"Heard you might need some help," she said, holding up a small plastic bag. You frowned, confused, until she tilted it open for you to look inside. There, you found a variety of makeup bottles and powders in shades that looked pretty close to your skin tone.
You opened the door and let her in. You could tell you were able to take the stairs a little quicker than the morning, and you hoped that meant you were healing because you really couldn't afford to miss more time at work.
"Cute place," she said, glancing around before following you into your living room.
"Thanks," you murmured, turning the volume back on the TV as she settled into the couch next to you.
"I hope you don't mind," she said, motioning towards the bag. "Joel called and told Tommy what happened... I'm so sorry, I wish you would've called us, we could've helped you."
"Thanks," you said with a shrug. "I guess I'm just used to dealing with it on my own."
"Well if you're ever scared of staying alone, we have a spare bedroom, so please don't hesitate to ask."
You gave her a small smile, hoping she could tell how grateful you were. With the exception of one cousin back home, nobody had tried to stand up for you before. Not even your own parents. The whole concept was so foreign to you, you weren't sure how to respond.
Maria seemed to sense this and she changed the subject, leaning forward to sift through the contents of the drugstore bag, pulling out item after item and holding it up against your arm to decide which shade would work best. She spent the next hour helping you cover your cuts and bruises, and by the time you were done, you didn't look half bad.
"How are you feeling?" she asked as she packed up her things and shoved her sneakers back on.
"A little less sore," you admitted. "I should be able to work tomorrow."
"Why don't you take one more day? Joel said you're going down to the station tomorrow, it might take more out of you than you expect."
You thought it over for a moment before reluctantly agreeing. Money was a concern, but you could wait one more day, and maybe you could pick up an extra shift over the weekend.
You thanked her as she headed down the steps and she reminded you again to call her and Tommy if you ever needed anything, and you promised you would.
When you were finally on your own again, you sat in silence, thinking about these people who barely knew you, who you essentially lied to, banding together to help you out. It was unlike anything you were used to, and you were beginning to think you may have finally found your home.
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The next morning, you paced around your living room, anxiously nibbling at your nails as you waited for Joel to ring the bell. He had insisted on picking you up. He said he could swing by after he dropped Sarah off at school, that it wouldn't be a problem and he passed by your apartment anyway. You didn't understand why he was so insistent: the walk was less than ten minutes, but you didn't feel like arguing.
You were checking your makeup job in the mirror for the fifth time when the bell rang. With a deep sigh, you pulled on your sneakers, slung your purse over your shoulder and headed down the steps. When you opened the door, he was standing with his back to you under a brown blazer and his arms crossed, trying to appear casual for anybody who might be walking by, but when he heard you step through the door he swiveled around quickly.
"Good morning," you said to him with a small smile after you were sure the door was locked tight.
"Mornin'. You ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," you said as he led you to his truck parked a little ways down the street.
"You really didn't have to do this, you know," you said again, glancing around to see if anyone was watching.
"I know," was all he said before opening the passenger door for you and giving you a hand to step up into the cab.
The quick ride to the station was quiet, only the hum from his radio filling the air as your fingers fidgeted in your lap. When he parked the truck and you made a move to open the door, he held a hand out.
"Wait a minute, I gotta talk to you before we go in there."
You dropped your hand to your lap and looked at him expectantly.
"I can't take your statement today, I'm gonna have another officer do it," he said, his words rushed like he knew you wouldn't take the news well. And you didn't.
"What?!" you cried out softly, anxiety already creeping up and squeezing your chest.
"I'm sorry, I can't," he said, taking a deep breath and glancing out the windshield before looking back at you. "There's a conflict of interest. Patrick assaulted me, and if I go and take your statement, it won't look good to a judge."
"Oh my god," you mumbled, rubbing your eyes with the heels of your hands.
"It'll be okay. I'll be right there the whole time. Right on the other side of the glass, okay? I promise, I won't leave."
He watched you for a minute, waiting for you to say something, and when you didn't he began to question himself.
"Unless you don't want me to hear, I don't have to-"
"No, I'd prefer you be there," you said quickly.
He nodded and took a deep breath in.
"I asked a female officer to do it. Her name's Beth. She's real nice, she's dealt with... situations like this in the past."
"Okay," you said softly, reaching for the handle, but once again he stopped you.
"One more thing. I gotta cut him loose tomorrow."
You squeezed your eyes shut. You knew this would happen, but it didn't stop you from feeling the overwhelming sense of dread that crept up your spine.
"It'll be fine. I'll file the restraining order today. If he comes within fifty feet of you, he's goin' right back to jail, okay?" he said, his hand coming up to rest assuringly on your knee.
"Okay," you whispered, finally opening your eyes to look at him.
"You can do this. I know you can."
You had to hold back the tears that sprung up when his words hit your ears. Nobody has ever believed in you, listened to you, took care of you the way he did, and he hardly even knew you. People who have been in your life for years, your own family didn't encourage you the way Joel did. On one hand, it was depressing to realize it took this long for someone to give a shit, but on the other hand, you were so, so relieved someone finally did.
As Joel led you into the station, he kept his head held high, ignoring the glances shot your way and you did your best to do the same. You followed him towards the back, and you hesitated a brief moment before entering the interrogation room, pushing all the bad memories to the back of your mind and focusing on the present.
You needed to put an end to this, once and for all.
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You were doing okay. It was half an hour into giving your statement to Beth, and Joel was right. She seemed very kind and patient, and you relaxed after speaking with her for just a few minutes. Or maybe it was because you knew Joel was just a few feet away, watching from the other side of the glass, just like he promised. Whatever it was, you were doing better than you expected.
You had gotten through the bullet points of your history with Patrick. You had detailed how you met after you graduated from high school, how he had just gotten back from basic training with the Marines and was applying to join the Philadelphia police department. You explained how at first, things were great. He was loving and kind, for the most part, but you had been inexperienced and didn't recognize the red flags when you saw them. Like when he got overly possessive at house parties, and especially so when he started drinking. At first, you had thought it was sweet, but then he started getting a little rough. You explained at the time, he would apologize the next day and promise not to do it again, but a few weeks later, he would inevitably go back on his word. The cycle repeated itself over and over for a year, until he proposed one night in front of your entire family, and you had felt pressured to say yes. You had hoped it was just nerves, that eventually you would be excited about marrying him, but it never came. He had rushed you into planning the ceremony and you were only engaged for a few short months. And again, you fooled yourself into thinking everything was just happening so fast, that it was so stressful planning a wedding and that one day, you would be happy.
You couldn't remember the argument that caused him to first hit you. To really hit you, enough to leave a nasty bruise, but you remembered the shock, and you remembered the pain and the fear. And once again, he had apologized the following day, and you forgave him. Because you were weak and scared and confused.
"Did anybody in your life notice?" Beth asked, her eyes filled with what appeared to be genuine concern.
"I hid it at first, but eventually, yes, people noticed," you admitted, fidgeting with the edge of your shirt.
"Did they offer to help you?"
"My cousin," you said, looking down at your hands. "She helped me... she helped me find a clinic so I wouldn't get pregnant."
"Did Patrick know you were on birth control?" Beth asked gently while scratching away with her pen on paper.
"No, I didn't think he would like that."
"Why not?"
"He's made comments to me in the past about wanting a big family, and I was afraid to tell him no. I was afraid he would hurt our children, too," you said, still staring down at your hands.
"Has he raped you?" Beth asked bluntly, and you visibly balked.
"Oh, um," you faltered, the word for whatever reason sending shockwaves through you. You knew the answer, but you just hated admitting it.
"Yes," you finally said, your voice cracking, so you cleared your throat and took a sip of water.
"I'm sorry," Beth said quietly, catching your gaze and giving you a sympathetic look. "I won't ask too much today, but you need to know if this goes to trial, a judge will ask for a lot more detail. You can get a lawyer and they will help walk you through it when the time comes." She reached out across the table to place her hand on top of yours, her thumb rubbing over your knuckles. You nodded, wordlessly telling her to keep going.
"When did it start?"
"Right after we got married, I think."
"How often?" she asked, pulling her hand back so she could focus on writing.
"A few times a week, I guess? I mean, I don't know what counts. A lot of the times I wouldn't be in the mood and he would pressure me, other times were more... deliberate." You swallowed and glanced quickly at the mirror behind Beth, suddenly regretting asking Joel to listen.
"Did you tell your parents?" Beth asked, glancing up at you.
"I told my mom, yes."
"And what did she say?"
"She told me it was a wife's duty to... be available to her husband. She didn't think it was rape." You spit the last word out like it was poison on your tongue. Beth winced but tried to hide it by looking down at her notes.
"And when would he hit you?"
"It varied. Most of the time it was when he was drunk or high. He promised me all the time he would get help, but he never stuck with it."
"Did you ever have to go to the hospital?"
"Yes. A few times. He's broken my arm twice, fractured my hip, and I've had a few concussions. On one occasion, he strangled me until I lost consciousness. I had to be admitted for a bruised trachea." You absentmindedly rubbed your arm and neck as you spoke, your fingers gliding over the old wounds.
"And you've gone to the police before?" she asked.
"Yes, a couple times, but -" you could feel your resolve breaking, and you bit your lower lip to keep it from trembling. "But he always did something to make it go away, and then he would get really mad. One time when I went to file a complaint, he had a cop friend of his lock me in a room just like this one for a whole day. To teach me a lesson." You twirled your finger around the sparse room, tears glistening in your eyes. "They didn't let me out, I couldn't use the bathroom, I didn't have anything to eat or drink. I was all alone."
You stopped talking and tucked your chin against your chest, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay. You wiped a shaky palm against your cheek, drying the tears that fell before you looked back up.
"There were times he would be gone for two or three days at a time and come back, all strung out and crazy... those were the times, the times I went to the police, that I ended up in the hospital. So I stopped asking cops for help."
She nodded as she wrote, giving you a minute to collect yourself before her next question. You glanced up at the mirror again and wondered what Joel was thinking. Did he leave? Or was he still there? You almost hoped he had left. You were feeling too vulnerable as it was, but the thought of him looking at you with pity after this was over made your stomach turn.
"I've done this before," you said suddenly, pulling her attention off the page. "And it always ends up the same. Please tell me this will be different."
"It will be different," she said immediately, her jaw set. She put her pen down on her pad and laced her fingers together. "I'm so sorry the justice system as failed you so tremendously, but we will do everything we can for you now that you're here."
You nodded and wiped more of your tears away before she handed you a box of tissues from a small cabinet in the corner of the room. Taking a deep, shaky breath, you met her gaze once again.
"What else?"
"I think that's enough for today," she said, flipping the pages closed on her legal pad. "We got your doctor's report this morning, and combined with this statement we will start the process of formally pressing charges. After that, if he pleads not guilty, it will go before a judge. But let's take it one step at a time, okay?"
"Okay," you said quietly, gathering your purse and following her out of the room. Your eyes immediately drifted around the hallway and then the bullpen, searching for Joel, but he was nowhere to be found. You frowned as Beth led you towards the front lobby, prepared to walk home, when you heard his voice call your name just as you were opening the door.
"I'll take you home," he said. His face looked hardened and his eyes looked distant.
"You don't have to," you began, but he just shook his head and gingerly cupped your elbow, directing you out the door and into the parking lot.
The ride back was silent. He didn't even have the radio on. You glanced out your window nervously, trying not to read too much into it, but when he dropped you off with barely a comforting word or any acknowledgement of what you confessed, you were convinced your greatest fear had come true. Now that he knew it all, now that he finally heard the truth, he couldn't look at you the same.
You were glad Maria had the foresight to tell you to stay home that day. You were mentally exhausted. Rehashing everything and then Joel's reaction put you in an awful mood. By 4pm, after lounging around watching mindless television and checking your phone constantly for any sign of life from Joel, you decided to just make yourself an early dinner, take a shower and then go to bed early.
As you were stepping out of the shower, the water finally turned off and all of the day's makeup covering your wounds down the drain, you heard your doorbell ringing incessantly. Repeatedly. Urgently.
A jolt of dread shot down your spine, but you remembered Joel said Patrick wouldn't be let out until tomorrow. But what if he got out early? What if he made a phone call and Joel was forced to release him?
Wrapped in a robe, your hair dripping down and soaking the thin material, you jogged to the living room and checked your phone. Surely, if Patrick was released, Joel would have warned you, but you didn't have any missed calls or texts. Then the pounding on the door started, making you jump out of your skin.
Slowly, you crept down the stairs, your hand gripping the doorknob tightly, your fingers hovering over the lock.
"Who is it?"
"It's me," you heard Joel's voice say from the other side, and your eyes widened in shock. You glanced down at your robe, little streaks and drops of wetness trailing down the shiny material.
"Uh, can you -"
"Please open up, people are startin' to look at me like I'm crazy."
With a sigh, you unlocked the door and stepped back, clutching your robe tightly against your chest. Joel squeezed inside and shut the door quickly behind him before turning around, his eyes raking quickly up and down your body before looking you in the eye.
"You were in the shower."
"Yeah," you said, glancing around anxiously before looking up the stairs. "Did you want to come up or something?" He just nodded slowly, his eyes flitting down once again as you led him up the steps.
"I got worried, I was ringin' the bell but I guess you couldn't hear it," he explained, taking off his shoes and shrugging off his blazer.
"What were you worried about? He's still in jail, right?" you asked, handing him some water before sitting down on the couch.
"Yeah, I just... I shouldn'tve left you alone earlier. I shoulda stayed." He stood there, a glass of water in his hand, the other rubbing over his mouth nervously.
You stared at one another for a moment, both trying to figure the other one out. He was breathing faster than normal, his chest rising and falling rapidly under his white button down shirt.
"Why are you here, Joel?" you finally asked, your heart starting to beat faster. "Because if it's out of pity, I don't want it."
"It's not -" he cut himself off and shifted his weight before setting the water down. "It's not pity." He took two steps and sunk down into your couch, his elbows on his knees as he stared at the floor, trying to figure out what to say.
"It's not fair," he finally said quietly. So quietly, you almost didn't hear him. "Everything that's happened. It's not fuckin' fair."
You scrunched your nose, confused, as you looked at him still staring down at the floor. You were about to open your mouth and ask him what he meant when he spoke again.
"I never shoulda let you leave with him that day. Somethin' felt off, I felt it in my gut-" he sat back to press his hand against his stomach for emphasis. "But I let you go. And he -"
He couldn't finish his sentence, his throat closing up as he fought to blink the tears away.
"It's not your fault, Joel," you told him, resting a hand on his broad shoulder but he stood up quickly to pace around the room.
"I'll never let it happen again," he muttered. "Never gonna let him near you again. I'll fuckin' kill him if I have to, he's never comin' here again." His voice was rising as he spoke, his breath coming in short stutters as he rubbed his forehead with the pads of his fingers, eyes wide and crazed as the panic seized him.
So it wasn't pity. It was guilt that brought him to you.
"Joel, calm down," you said, standing up to reach out to him, but he kept pacing.
"Oh fuck, I'm never gonna forgive myself," he whispered, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.
"You didn't do this to me, he did," you assured him, trying to get him to stop moving. "You're helping me, Joel. You're the only one who ever really tried to help me. There's nothing to forgive."
He finally paused and glanced at you, his breath a little shallow as the panic began to subside.
"I'm gonna get you outta this, I promise," he said, his voice sounding more steady.
"I know," you replied, nodding your head.
He took a deep breath in through his nose and tore his eyes away from you to glance at his watch.
"I better go," he said regrettably, looking back up at you again.
"Okay," you said, following him to the door and leaning against the wall as he put his shoes back on.
"D'you need anythin'? Did you eat? I can -"
"I ate, I'm fine," you told him with a small smile. "Thank you, though."
"Alright," he said after a moment, then forced himself to open the door. Before he stepped through, he looked back at you over his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"I'm working dinner tomorrow," you told him, suddenly feeling crestfallen you wouldn't see him for lunch.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he repeated, more firm this time. You slowly nodded and wrapped your arms around yourself, hoping he couldn't see through your robe.
You listened sadly as his heavy footsteps descended the stairs and the door shut softly behind him. You knew him well enough at this point that he would have turned the lock on the knob before he left but you still wanted to peek down the steps to check. Your eyes widened when, to your surprise, he was still standing there at the bottom of your stairs, his back leaning up against the door. His eyes flicked up to meet yours when he noticed movement, and you saw Adam’s apple bob in his throat before he spoke.
"I can't leave."
You looked at one another for a long moment, your heart slamming in your chest, knowing what this meant. You were sick and tired of always trying to do the right thing. Where did it get you? How could you even fool yourself into thinking you had any obligation to Patrick anymore? Joel knew everything now. He knew what he was doing, so you said the words that were on the tip of your tongue. The words that you knew would open the door for something both of you wanted so desperately, you could taste it.
"Then stay."
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atomicami · 7 months
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special snapshot
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tattoo artist!abby anderson x fem!reader
- summary: you decide to tease abby before she meets an important client at her shop by sneaking in a special photograph of yourself. once she finds it during her shift at work, she decides to have a private photo session with you in the bedroom.
- content: smut MDNI, no outbreak/modern au, vegas living, established relationship, a bad australian impression (sorry aussies ily), lots of picture taking, strap usage (r!receiving), possessive dom!abby, submissive headspace (r), abby’s custom strap (if ykyk), abby refers to her strap as her cock, use of nicknames towards reader (angel, princess, sweet girl etc), edging, overuse of the words ‘inked’ and ‘tatted’ bc i can’t think of anything else
- author’s note: the wait is finally over, you asked and i delivered. here is my first tattoo artist!abby one shot! this is the first idea that came to my mind at the time, but i might make more of these if y’all like this one.
if you’re new to my page and haven’t seen my original post about tattoo artist!abby, you can find that here. a lot of references i’ve made in this fic come directly from my hc post.
also, i have a masterlist now so y’all can easily find my fics and see what i’m currently working on :)
- middle pic creds to @abbystanaccount
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“Come on, come on…hurry up already…”
You were pacing around the bathroom floor, impatiently waiting as the image below you still appeared white. Your girlfriend was running late for work right now because she’d spent the past 10 minutes endlessly searching throughout her apartment for something that was currently in your possession.
“Babe! I still can’t find it! Are you sure you haven’t seen my camera anywhere?”
Abby’s looked around every single area in her apartment so many times that she’s lost count. Every single area except the four walls that surround you right now. Her Polaroid camera was there, sitting on the bathroom counter in front of you, right next to a photograph that was still waiting to develop.
You grabbed the photograph and began to shake it again before setting it back down. After a couple more attempts, it finally began to develop. You smiled as you picked up the photograph, shaking it one last time for good measure before seeing the fully developed image you took of yourself. The plan you had come up with today was sinister, and you were all in for it.
“Babe! Have you checked for it in my room again?”
Abby’s footsteps were approaching the bedroom, causing you to quickly grab your pants from the floor and put them back on. You then grabbed the photograph and carefully placed it in your back pocket before taking the camera and leaving the en suite bathroom. By the time Abby walked in and saw you, you still had her camera in your hands.
“There it is!” She exclaimed before sighing in relief. “Where was it?”
“You left it by the window over there.” You reply, pointing over to her bedroom window with your free hand.
“Wow, you have a good eye, babe. I never would have guessed it’d be there.” She took the camera from your hands and wrapped her arms around you. This brief moment allowed you to take the developed piece of film out of your back pocket and quickly slide it into the back pocket of her dark wash jeans. Luckily, your girlfriend was too distracted about today to even notice.
“I’ve got this first-time client coming from Australia today to get a tattoo…” She began as she broke her hug from you. “He said he loves my work and wants—“ She cuts herself off as she checks the back of the camera. “Damn it, I’m out of film…” She let out a sigh once she saw the little 0 appearing in white next to the film cartridge compartment. There were no more shots left on her camera.
Well, there was one left…but you already used it.
Abby didn’t think anything of it though. She figured that she used up the last 10 shots between her past clients and her previous photo sessions with you in the bedroom. “I’ll have to pick up some film on my way to the shop, hopefully I’ll get there before my client comes in…” You watched as Abby opened up the back of the camera and took out the empty film cartridge before tossing it out and closing the compartment. She looked up and smiled at you, quickly rushing in to kiss you. “Thanks again for finding it, babe. I’ll let you know when I’m back from work, yeah?”
You nodded in response, kissing her back. “Of course babe, good luck with the client today!” Abby shot another smile back at you before leaving her room. Once you heard her keys jingle and the front door closing, you let out a breath of relief. If it weren’t for Abby being so distracted by this big client flying over halfway around the world just to get a tattoo done by her, she most definitely would have caught you a lot sooner. But luckily, she took the bait.
Now all you had to do was wait for her to find it.
── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅
Abby hurriedly got out of her car upon arriving at her shop. Once she entered inside, she saw her special client there talking to Nora at reception. She was super relieved to have made it in time.
“There she is!” Nora exclaimed once she saw her. “Speak of the devil, we were just talking about you.”
Abby raised an eyebrow at her as she approached the reception area. “All good things, I hope?” she said jokingly before looking over to her client. “I’m Abby, you must be Nathan?” she asked, extending a hand for him to shake it. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting for too long.”
Nathan shook his head in response as he shook her hand. “It’s no worries mate, I just got in a few minutes ago.”
“Sounds good, I can get you started over here.” She brings Nathan over to her station to get himself situated. “I was working on your piece last night and came up with a few options for you to choose from.” Abby sets her things down at her desk while turning over to him and pulling her phone out of her pocket. Her back pocket. The same pocket that you slipped the photograph in less than an hour ago.
But what Abby didn’t notice was that the photograph had slipped out of her back pocket and onto the ground right behind her.
Abby didn’t notice it, but Nora sure did.
Nora was just passing by to give Abby some transfer paper when she saw the photograph lying face down on the floor. Clutching the transfer paper in her hands, she quickly copped a squat to pick it up. “Abby, you dropped one of your—oh” Nora cut her own words off once she accidentally caught a glimpse of the photo, causing Abby to turn around and face her. “You okay?”
“Yeah, um…I’m guessing this isn’t meant to go on your wall…” She replied as she handed her the photo face down, her voice quiet enough so that her client wouldn’t hear.
The blonde furrowed her brows in confusion when Nora gave her the photo. “Not on my wall? What are you—“ She flipped over the photo to take a look before quickly flipping it face down and hiding it in her palm. Now she understood what Nora meant by that.
It looks like Abby’s camera did have one shot left after all.
Abby was startled when she felt Nathan tap her shoulder, causing her to turn back around. “Everything alright?” he asked, his tone slightly curious.
“Y-Yeah, yeah everything’s fine! Just excuse me for one moment.” She briefly excused herself before speedwalking to the back of the shop and locking herself in the first room she could find. The photograph remained hidden in her palm.
Taking a deep breath, Abby lifted the photograph to take a better look. It was of you, front and center on the camera, wearing that same black skin-tight shirt she saw you in this morning. Despite the quality, Abby could tell you didn’t have a bra on because she could easily see your nipples poking through. Along with that, you were also wearing something else— a matching thong with rhinestones on the waistband. It must’ve been new because Abby had never seen you in that before.
It was taking Abby everything right now to not drop what she was doing and leave to go home and fuck you senseless. Seeing this photograph alone was already causing her boxers to dampen. But she needed to work on this client. She’s been planning on doing this piece on him for months, she can’t back out of this now.
Abby took a deep breath, giving the photograph one last look before putting it back into her pocket and turning around to exit the room. She walks back to her station and sees Nathan patiently waiting for her in the chair.
“Alright, let’s get started shall we?”
── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ──⋅
You don’t hear back from Abby all day.
You figured that it could’ve been because of her special client, along with whoever else shows up to get a tattoo from her. But what really happened was that Abby decided to take the rest of the day off after finishing with her client and was waiting for you to come into her apartment.
You unlocked the door to Abby’s place with the spare key she gave you and entered inside before closing it shut behind you. To your surprise, you see Abby sitting there on the couch. She was manspreading, with one of her tatted arms perched over her knee so she could rest her chin.
“Hey babe, you’re home early…” You set your things down at the counter before walking over to her. “How did it go with the client?”
Abby lifted her head from her hands, looking up in your direction. “The client went great, actually…he loved the piece I tattooed for him.”
“That’s good, um…why are you home so early?”
You felt the need to ask her right off the bat. There was a feeling that you were getting. A sense of knowing that she found the photograph.
“No reason…just felt like taking the rest of the day off.”
You simply nod in response before slowly heading over to her bedroom. And as if you could feel her presence approaching, Abby soon followed behind you, closing the door once the two of you were inside. There was a brief moment of silence before Abby decided to speak up. “Did you think I wouldn’t find it?”
You turned around to face her. She stood there, her tatted sleeves crossed in front of her chest, with a smirk plastered on her freckled face.
She found the photograph. You know she did.
But you still decide to play dumb.
You furrow your brows in confusion. “Find what? What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play silly with me now, princess….” You watched as Abby reached into her back pocket, that same back pocket you slipped the photograph in, and saw her pull it out. The delicate photograph of your body stood in between her inked fingers, fully on display in front of you.
“So much not having any shots left on my camera, right?” She said as she began to slowly step forward in your direction.
“Do you not like it…?” You ask her quietly, quickly looking down once she’s right in front of you. You start to feel like doing this to her wasn’t a good idea after all.
Abby’s expression softens for a brief moment. “Oh, baby…” she lifts your chin up with her free hand before leaning in to plant a kiss on your cheek. “Of course I love it. You look so fucking sexy in this.” She looks back down at the photograph before directing her attention back at you.
“But do you remember the rule I told you about these?” She asks sternly, holding the piece of film in front of you.
You avert your gaze away from her and back to the ground. “Your eyes only…” you mutter out to her.
Abby lifts your chin back up once again to face her. “That’s right, angel. My eyes only.”
She points the photograph towards her and taps the corner gently on her chest, just a few inches above her chest piece in reference to herself.
“Mine. No one else’s.”
She slowly lets go of your chin and looks back down at the small piece of film. “You’re lucky it was only Nora who found it…if it were any of the guys, I would’ve gone insane.” She takes a closer look at the photograph, remembering the new thong you had on in the photo before looking back at you. “Are you wearing it?”
You nod.
Abby hooks an inked finger on the belt loop of your pants and gently tugs on it. “Off, princess. I want to see you just like how I saw you in this picture.”
You follow her command, bringing your hands down to the waistband of your pants and slowly unzipping them before pushing them down your thighs. Once they’re at your feet, you step out of them and take a step towards her. She then slips one of her hands under your shirt until they stop at the hem of your bra, gently tugging it down as well. “This too.”
Reaching underneath your shirt, you quickly unhook your bra, pulling the straps off of your shoulders before taking it out completely and dropping it on the ground. Abby took a step back to take in the sight of you. “My sweet girl…You look so good for me right now..” She muttered quietly. You feel her run her tatted hand through your body, starting at your hip and making its way up to one of your tits.
She looks back at the photograph for a brief moment, noticing you had one of your hands covering that same one. An idea flashed through her mind, you could tell because that same smirk was starting to appear on her face again. Her hand lets go from your breast and drops back to her side. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
Abby leaves her room for a moment before quickly returning, now with her camera in her hands. “How about we recreate that pretty picture of you, hm? Would you like that?” You nod to her in response, biting your lip to hide your smile.
“Words, princess.”
You nod again, a little quicker this time. “Yes, I’d love to do that.”
Abby walks over to you and sets the photograph at the corner of her bed before turning her camera on. Once it was ready, she pointed the camera right in front of you with one hand and used her free hand to gently grab your breast, placing her thumb on top of your hardening nipple. She looked into the viewfinder, adjusting the angle and position before a quick flash went through your eyes.
The photo slowly whirs out of the camera. But Abby doesn’t even bother to check it out yet. Instead, she sets the camera to the side right next to the original photograph of you and begins to undo her jeans. “Kneel for me, princess.”
By instinct, you drop down to your knees in front of her. You already know what’s about to happen next.
As soon as the zipper of her jeans goes down you can already see it. The bulge underneath her black boxers, with a sliver of light tan with black marks peeking out of it. The thought of having that piece of silicone inside you was already making you desperate.
Once Abby’s jeans are pooling at her ankles she brings down her boxers in one swift motion, causing her strap-on to spring free right in front of you. You could already feel your mouth watering at the sight of it alone.
Abby notices your dumbfounded expression and smirks. “Look at you, princess…already drunk just by looking at my inked cock. Do you want it inside you, angel? Is that what you want?”
You look up at her and nod quickly while clenching your thighs at the same time. “Please, Abs…need it so bad….”
“I know you do, my sweet girl…” Her hand comes down to her side and gently holds your jaw, tilting your head up to look at her. “How about you get it wet for me, yeah? Get my cock ready so I can fuck that pretty pussy of yours.”
Without even thinking twice, you wrap your hands around the strap-on, your fingertips covering over some of the fake ink that was plastered on it. The tip of it was practically face-to-face with you. You position it towards your mouth before opening it wide and taking in as much as you can down your throat. The strap barely reaches halfway, so you begin to stroke whatever your mouth can’t reach with your hands while bobbing your head up and down simultaneously.
Abby keeps her gaze fixated on you, then briefly looks over at the camera that is sitting on her bed. She brings a hand down to the back of your head, slowly guiding it up and down her inked strap. “That’s it, princess, just like that…” She mutters out to you as she quickly reaches over to grab her camera off of the bed. In doing so the strap accidentally lunges itself forward down your throat, causing you to gag. You take your mouth off of Abby’s strap for a moment to take a deep breath before looking up at her, now with the camera in her hands again.
“Smile for me, princess.”
The flash of the camera passes through your vision again. Another photo whirs out of the slot.
You get back to sucking on her strap, even harder this time out of pure desperation to have it inside your walls already. Abby pulls the photo out and tosses the camera aside, beginning to quickly shake it to see the final product.
You hear her let out a quiet groan once she sees the fully developed piece of film. “God…you look so beautiful like this, angel…sucking my cock like the good girl you are.” She sets the second photograph aside and gently grabs your head again to pull your mouth off of her strap. Her strong tatted hands then grab at your waist, effortlessly picking you up and placing you down on the center of her bed.
Abby tugs down at the hem of your shirt as an indication for you to take it off. “Take this off, princess. I need to see all of you.” You oblige, taking off your shirt and tossing it to the ground. Abby does the same with her muscle tank and sports bra, exposing the rest of her patchworked body to you. At this point, the arousal in between your legs just keeps growing and growing, along with the urge to also be completely ridden of the little black piece of fabric that was pressed against your pussy right now. You bring a desperate hand down to the jeweled band of your thong to take it off, only for it to be lightly smacked by Abby’s tatted hand.
“Except this. This stays on.”
You nod in response, setting your hands aside, and letting your girlfriend do the rest of the work for you. You spread your legs open while Abby positions herself on top of you. The tip of her inked strap falls right on the damp fabric covering your crotch, causing a whimper to escape from your mouth. She then hooks a finger under the fabric and shifts it to the side, revealing your gushing wet pussy to her.
It takes a minimal amount of effort for Abby to insert the tip of her strap inside of you before pushing in the first couple of inches. “Fuck, princess…look how it's going in…you’re always taking my cock so well…”
You look down to see the piece of inked silicone connecting your bodies. With a desperate need to be filled, you bring a trembling hand down to your pussy and use two fingers to spread your folds open so Abby could keep pushing her strap inside you. Your jaw drops in pleasure as she slowly pushes in a few more inches, and the two of you still don’t take your eyes off of it, both watching as the tattoos on her fake cock slowly disappear as it makes its way into your cunt.
Abby lets out a groan once she bottoms out before tightening the harness on her strap, making sure it's pressed closely against her cunt. You feel your pussy start to clench around the strap as it sits there inside of you. Your body was practically begging for some movement to happen.
“Abby, please…I-I need you to move…” You whimper out to her, looking down at the base of her strap that was resting below your heat. Within seconds you began to feel it moving inside you. Abby starts to thrust in and out of you slowly, but that slow pace progressively turns into a rapid one.
Before you knew it, you were gripping onto the sheets to keep yourself from possibly getting slammed against the headboard, despite Abby’s firm hands holding your hips down. Your tits and thighs were bouncing and jiggling uncontrollably. Moans and whimpers were escaping from the two of you. But most importantly, Abby was hitting that special spot inside you with every single thrust.
She wasn’t stopping her pace at all…until that familiar phrase slipped from your mouth.
“Abby…I-I’m getting close…”
That’s when she stopped. That’s when she pulled her strap out of you. That’s when you snapped back to reality…for now.
You quickly shook your head as you watched her inked strap practically pull itself out of your pussy. “No….no no no no, Abby! Why would you do that?!” You whined out in protest. You let your hands go from the sheets and brought them to her hips, attempting to bring her closer to you so she could slip herself back inside of you.
Unfortunately, your attempt to do so was unsuccessful. Abby shook her head and pushed your hands off of her hips. “I’m sorry angel, but I’m not letting you cum like this. Not after that stunt you pulled today.”
You felt your body break at the possible feeling that you weren’t gonna be able to finish tonight, but you understood that you still needed to be taught a lesson.
“So…You’re not gonna let me cum at all tonight?” You mutter out to her quietly. The smirk that shows up on her face once again tells you something different.
“Oh, my sweet girl…I didn’t say that I wasn’t going to let you cum at all…” She brings a hand to your jaw and gently strokes it with her thumb. “You’re going to cum, but you’ll do it my way. All fours, princess.”
That statement alone had you flipping onto your stomach in an instant. At this point, you were willing to do anything to get a release, even if it meant having to do things her way.
Once you were on all fours, you soon felt Abby’s lips start kissing at your shoulder, slowly making its way down to your lower back. “You have no idea…how good you look for me like this…” she murmurs in between kisses. She plants some more kisses on your lower back, specifically on your tattoo that rests above the band of your thong. Your first tattoo. The one that Abby put onto your body the first day you met her. It gave Abby so much pride to see her work on you, especially in the position you’re in right now.
You feel the weight of the bed shift around for a bit and look over your shoulder to see Abby reaching for her camera again. She brings a hand to your waist to keep your back straight. “I want you to stay just like this, princess, okay?” You nod in response, resting your head on the pillow as you perk your ass farther up in front of her.
With her camera in one hand, Abby uses her other hand to shift your thong to the side again before positioning her inked strap at your tight entrance. Given how soaked you were at this point, it slides in with a lot less effort the second time around. You let out a whimper once she bottoms out, causing you to involuntarily jerk your hips at her.
As a result, Abby gives you a light smack on your ass. “Stay still, angel…I need this one to come out perfect.” She hovers the camera on top of you and looks through the viewfinder, making sure you’re perfectly centered.
You hear the flash behind you once again, followed by the whirring sound right after.
Abby sets the camera aside and places both hands at your hips, beginning to thrust into you at that same slow pace she was doing before. It didn’t take long for Abby to speed it up. Now she was back to hitting your g spot with every single thrust of her strap.
“Fuck…look at you, my sweet girl…taking my tatted cock so well..” She tells you in between her thrusts. “I bet you wish…someone could get a picture of this, hmm?”
The pleasure Abby’s giving you is so intense that you can barely decipher what she’s saying to you. She keeps talking you through it, but her voice slowly starts to fade through the blood pumping in your eardrums and the feeling of TV static filling your brain. You find yourself slowly slipping into a newfound headspace as Abby continues to pound herself into your pussy.
Regardless of how drunk you were feeling from it, you try your best to form a response to whatever she tells you.
“F-Feels s-so good, Abs…D-don’t stop…” you slur out to her.
Your entire body feels heavy right now, but you make an effort to extend one of your hands behind you and hold one of hers. You grasp onto Abby’s hand tightly as she keeps fucking you.
Abby notices and clutches your hand into hers as it remains on your hips. “Don’t worry princess, I got you, just stay with me, yeah? I promise you’ll get to—fuck—“ Abby cuts herself off, moaning at the feeling of the leather harness rubbing against the small barbell that rested above her clit. This motivates her to thrust even faster into you, now with a desire to chase her release.
As her pace gets faster, you start to get closer. Your cunt begins to repeatedly clench itself around her strap, indicating that you were going to cum. You try to tell her that you’re about to cum, but you were already getting so fucked into this headspace that you were struggling to get the words out of your mouth. As a result, you start to dig your fingers into the back of Abby’s hand to get her attention.
Abby felt your nails digging into her hand, which were already forming crescent indents on her inked skin. She looks over at you, seeing your fucked out expression with your mouth agape against the pillow and your eyes rolling to the back of your head. “Are you gonna cum, angel?” she asks, only receiving a slow nod followed by a few desperate gasps from you as a response. “I-fuck, I’m gonna cum too…Just let it out for me, princess, you deserve it.” While keeping one hand on your hips, she brings her free hand around your waist to rub quick circles on your throbbing clit as she continues to fuck you relentlessly.
And that’s what sends you over the edge. A string of whines and mewls escape from your mouth once you get there. You dig your nails deeper into Abby’s hand while your other hand fists the corner of the pillow. Your thighs begin to tremble, and your cunt pulses a few more times around the strap before fully coating it with your slick. Abby finishes right after you with a loud groan, completely cumming inside the harness. She keeps herself inside you for a little bit before slowly pulling out, letting out a quiet grunt at the sight of the string of slick connecting between your pussy and the tip of her strap.
Your body was completely limp at this point, and Abby could tell. She guides your lower half back down onto the bed so you’re lying down on your side. As you bring yourself back to reality, you feel the warmth of her hand stroking your jaw, leading you to slowly blink your eyes open. The first thing you see is her eyes scanning yours, making sure you were okay after your intense release.
“There she is…” she says quietly, smiling right after. “Are you okay, angel? I didn’t go too hard on you did I?”
You slowly shook your head in response, smiling back at her as you try to catch your breath. “Of course not, Abs…you felt amazing…” you pant out to her.
Abby lets out a sigh of relief before leaning in and planting a kiss on your lips before kissing your forehead. “I’m gonna get you cleaned up now, okay?”
You watch as Abby gets off of the bed and takes off her strap before slipping her boxers back on and heading into her bathroom. You hear the sound of the water running in the background, knowing that she was drawing a bath for you right now.
As the water continues to run, Abby jogs out of the bathroom and heads over to the bed to pick up all of the developed photos that were spread out on the sheets. She looks through each one of them before pulling out her wallet and storing them inside. You can’t help but let out a giggle over it. Her wallet was so full of your photos that you could easily see the thickness of it from the side.
Abby looks over to you as she closes her wallet. “What’s so funny?”
“Don’t you think you have too many pictures of me in there?”
She shakes her head in disagreement. “Nonsense. there’s no such thing as too many pictures of you.” You watch her walk over to your side and feel her lips planting another kiss on your cheek.
“Besides…they’re for my eyes only, remember?”
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rafesfavgirl · 13 days
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gurl i neeed a part 2 of stop asking me to stay, that broke me😭😭😭
you ask, i deliver :) hope you like it!!
i don't regret a thing — r. cameron
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part 1.
❝ we're not the only ones,  i don't regret a thing every word i've said, you know i'll always mean ❞
pairing: ex-bf!rafe x fem!reader
context: you and rafe have been dating for seven months, and while the relationship started it out well, as soon as the honeymoon phase ended (about 3 months in), everything went to shit. you've been trying to put up with it, knowing the situation with ward, but tonight, you realize you've had enough.
words: 2.4k+
warnings: swearing, toxic relationship, mentions of drug use, mainly fluff, a little angst, might still make you cry. rafe being an absolute simp for you, basically.
rafe wakes up the next morning, faced-down on topper's living room couch with almost no recollection of what happened the night before. except one thing—you'd finally walked away from him.
"not enough to choose me. you give in every time." your words echo in his head, as he opens his eyes.
fuck. what did he do?
"good morning sunshine," kelce comes down the stairs and greets rafe, who looked as if he couldn't move from the couch. "you sleep well?"
"i slept like shit," rafe groans, finally sitting himself up. "what the hell happened last night?"
"you mean other than you getting coked out and royally screwing things over with y/n?" kelce sasses him. "not much bro."
rafe shoots him a glare. "i did not royally screw things over with y/n."
"are you sure about that?" kelce raises a brow at him. "cause i had to drive her home last night crying, bro."
rafe's ear perk up at kelce's confession of you crying over him. you wouldn't have. you were the one who broke up with him.
"she was crying?" rafe asks.
"do you seriously even have to ask?" kelce replies. "i can't even count on two hands how many times you've made her cry the last few months."
no, that couldn't be true. surely he hadn't made you cry that often.
"shut the fuck up kelce," rafe gets up from the couch in complete denial of how shitty he's treated you the last few months and makes his way over to the kitchen.
rafe opens the fridge and grabs a bottle of water, while kelce joins him in the kitchen.
"you know it's true," kelce says, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms. "you just never see it, because she won't let you."
was he right?
"you know how y/n is, bro," kelce adds, as i take a sip of water. "she'll never let you know you're hurting her, because you fear nothing more than being the cause of her pain and losing her. but she's also not going to beg and cry for you to stay and fight for her."
i did know that. that's what i loved about her. she didn't necessarily play hard to get when i tried asking her out on a date after months of texting, but she didn't give in too easily either. she wanted me to prove i was serious about her before giving me a real chance. she knew her worth.
i recap the bottle i'm drinking from and set it down on the counter beside me, my eyes focused on kelce. "so what should i do?"
kelce holds his hands up. "if you don't know by now, i can't help you."
rafe wasn't an idiot. he knew what he had to do.
so, after going home and taking a shower to freshen up and get a change of clothes, he drove to the flower shop in town to get you a bouquet of lavender and baby's breath, then nothing bundt cakes to get your favorite treat—a white chocolate raspberry bundt cake—and finally, your house.
once he parked his truck in front of your house and got out, he went through his usual routine of rounding around to your backyard, where he moved the ladder the gardeners used towards your bedroom window.
he climbed up and knocked, balancing the flowers and bundt cake in one hand.
you were sitting in bed watching after we fell on your laptop with a box of tissues beside you and puffy, red eyes when you hear the knock on your window.
without even thinking about it, you already knew who it was. this was just what he did. and against your better judgment, you got up from your bed, and walked over to pull the curtains open and find rafe outside with a regretful look on his face, a bouquet of flowers and a small box of your favorite treat.
slowly, but surely, you unlock the window and pull it up.
"i'm sorry," he speaks before you can, and you scoff.
"you know, i'm getting real sick of hearing you say that," you reply, turning around to walk away and reposition yourself back on your bed, while he slips in through your window.
"i got you flowers," he offers you a small smile and holds both items out to you. "and your favorite bundt cake. white chocolate raspberry."
your eyes shift from the gifts in his hand to his piercing blue eyes. they were no longer dark like they were last night, but there was a sense of uncertainty in them. like he wasn't sure he could win you back.
"so what? am i suppose to just forgive you? just like that?" you retort.
he lets out a sigh, and takes a seat at the edge of your bed, placing both items down on your bed next to your box of tissues. he finally gets a good look at you—from the messy bun on your head, to the bags under your eyes from barely getting any sleep last night, to your red, puffy eyes—and realizes just how badly he's messed up this time.
"i should've just fucked all those other girls. at least they know how to have fun." he still couldn't believe he said those words to you last night.
"i don't deserve your forgiveness," he admits. "i know that. but i want it, y/n. and i'm willing to work for it."
while those words were music to your ears, you were apprehensive. he apologizes every time. and while things do change for a while, they're never permanent. and a week or two from now, you'd be back in this same situation again. was that really worth it?
"i know i don't deserve any more chances," he continues, his eyes only focused on yours. "but i promise… i promise just give me one more and you won't regret it."
your eyes shift between his. he looked a little… scared? was he really that afraid to lose you?
"i don't know, rafe," you say honestly, shifting a little. "you've hurt me so bad… i don't know if i can take you doing it one more time."
"i'm not going to," he immediately shakes his head and reaches out to take your hands in his, fiddling with your fingers and glancing down at them. "please, baby, please. just let me show you i'm the guy for you. that i can be the guy you need and want me to be."
"how?"
"you'll give me a chance?" he asks, his eyes lighting up at the idea of being given another chance to win you back. 
despite your brain screaming at you not to, your heart wins over and you nod. you couldn't help it. every part of you yearned for him. and if he was willing to show you that he really could be the guy you knew he was—the guy you fell in love with—then maybe it would be worth it.
"wear something nice," he says. "i'll come back to pick you up at seven."
at exactly seven on the dot, you hear rafe park his car in front of your house, and look out your bedroom window to see him dressed in skinny black slacks and a long sleeve, white button down carrying a bouquet of red roses as he walked towards your driveway and front door.
you can't help the small smile that forms on your face as you hurry to strap your heels on and look at yourself in the mirror one more time, before grabbing your purse off your vanity and heading down the stairs.
"where are you heading off to?" your mom asks when you pass by the living room, all dressed up.
"date with rafe," you reply, walking towards the front door.
your parents had never been rafe's biggest fan—they weren't exactly unaware of how often he's made you cry the last couple of months—but they also knew they couldn't stop you from dating whoever you wanted, so they never fought you on it, and you were grateful for that. it was comforting to know they'd support you no matter what happened.
taking a deep breath, you place your hand on the doorknob, and finally open the door when the bell rings.
rafe's eyes instantly widen at the sight of you, his eyes trailing down your body wrapped in a tight, short, satin red dress. "wow," he gasps. "you- you look…"
your cheeks redden at his loss of words. "you don't clean up too bad yourself, cameron."
he smiles at your use of his last name as a nickname, and holds the red roses in his hand out to you. "these are for you."
"you already got me flowers this morning, you know," you joke, taking the bouquet from him. your mom was gonna be pleased to know rafe was back to filling up all her flower vases.
"i know, but…" he trails off. "you deserve the best."
the blush on your cheeks deepen at his words. "give me a second," you turn to walk back towards the living room, and set the bouquet down on the coffee table in front of your parents. "don't wait up."
they don't even get a word in before you're walking away again to join rafe outside.
"shall we?" you ask, looking up at him through your lashes, as you closed the door behind you.
"just… one more thing," a sly smile comes across his lips, as he reaches into his back pocket to pull out a black blindfold.
you stare at it, your mouth agape. "you're kidding, right?"
he shrugs, "i want it to be a surprise."
you groan, but give in anyway. "fine. but if i trip in these heels because i can't see where i'm going, consider us broken up for good."
he laughs at the threat, even though a part of him was afraid you still wouldn't forgive him after tonight. "you know i won't let that happen. turn around."
you do as he says, and he ties the blindfold around your eyes, before taking your hand in his and leading you down the driveway towards his car parked up on the curb. he opens the door for you, and carefully helps you into the passenger seat, before closing the door and rounding the car to get in the driver's seat.
the second the engine comes on, your romantic taylor swift playlist plays through the car's speakers.
"you didn't," you say. he would always complain when you had aux because she was all you'd ever play.
"i guess she's not too bad," rafe shrugs, chuckling as you began singing along to the lyrics of wildest dreams.
rafe continued driving through the island for another ten or fifteen minutes, before he finally pulled the car to a stop in front of his family's beach house on the edge of figure eight, completely secluded from everything else.
he gets out of the car first, and helps you out, taking your hand in his to lead you through the house and out to the back porch.
"are you ready?" he leans in towards your ear, and goosebumps rise along your skin at his proximity.
you nod, and he reaches his hands up to the back of your head to untie the blindfold.
it takes a little while for your eyes to adjust, but once they do, a feeling of warmness fills your heart at the sight in front of you.
red rose petals were scattered in the sand of the private beach, along with fairy lights, a candlelit table for two set up in the center of it all, as acoustic instrumentals of taylor's best love songs played through the speaker situated on the porch.
"you like it?" he asked.
you turn your head to look at him. "rafe, i… it's perfect."
"that's what i was going for," he shrugs smugly, and nods his head towards the set up. "come on."
you both remove your shoes, before he takes your hand in his again and leads you down the back porch to the table in the middle of the beach.
"i can't believe you did this for me," you say, as he pulls a chair out for you to sit in.
"i'd do anything for you," he smiles, taking the seat across from you once you're seated.
after a three course dinner and a bottle of wine, which was all served to the both of you by a waiter that rafe hired from the country club, the night slowly came to an end, an endless amount of stars filling the night sky above you.
but while you were focused on the stars, rafe was focused on you.
"god, you're beautiful," he says, causing you to look at him now.
you chuckle, "shut up."
"no, i'm fucking serious," he replied, standing up from his seat.
you watched him carefully as he walked over to you, and held a hand out.
you glance at his hand and tilt your head up at him, "what are you doing?"
"dance with me," he says.
"you're asking me to dance?" you raise a brow at him.
"mhm," he nods. "you gonna say yes?"
"well how can i say no?" you reply, a small smile forming on your lips as you put your hand in his.
he leads you a few feet away from the table, and rests a firm hand on your waist, as you trail a hand up to his shoulder.
he locks his eyes with yours as you both begin swaying to taylor's timeless, and scans your face.
"what?"
he shakes his head, "i don't deserve you..."
"rafe…"
"but i'm gonna do everything i can to make sure i become the kind of guy who does," he cuts me off. "i want to be better, y/n. not only for you, but for myself too."
you smile, and pull him closer, your hand snaking to the back of his head.
"i'm sorry for being such an ass the last few months," he says, and you close my eyes, taking the moment in as he continues. "i know i haven't deserved all the chances you've given me, but i'm not gonna disappoint you again. i want to be the guy you think i am."
you pull away, just enough to have your eyes lock with his.
"you are that guy, rafe," you tell him, and you mean it. "you just need to let him show more."
he smiles, "you're pretty damn amazing, you know that?"
"so i've been told," you shrug jokingly.
he chuckles. "i love you, y/n."
"i love you too."
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sincerestlove · 2 months
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Jealousy - R.G.
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reneé is SO BEAUTIFUL i am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure. someone call 911 because i am about to have a heart attack. babygirl is SO FUCKING FINE.
Pairing: Regina George x Reader
Request: Regina x reader where Regina and reader are in a secret relationship but someone tries to hit on reader at a party and Regina gets jealous?
Warnings: None; just hot, protective, jealous, possessive regina.
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"Hi, pretty girl." Your beautiful girlfriend greeted you at her front door with a smile, pretty white teeth on display. She held her hand out for you, which you accepted gratefully, allowing her to pull you to her car.
You had previously agreed to meet her here so that she could drive the both of you to Gretchen's party tonight. Usually, she would have asked you come over earlier in the day so you could get ready together, but you already made plans to get your hair done. Regina complained about it when you told her, but with the way she was looking at you now, she wasn't upset anymore.
The blonde led you to her passenger's side door, gently backing you against it, before leaning down and taking your lips in a bruising kiss. "You look so hot in that outfit." She breathed out against your lips, her hands sneaking up and under your top. Her touch was so light it was almost ticklish, feeling yourself smiling into the kiss. "And your hair looks perfect."
She always managed to make you feel good about yourself, always make you feel beautiful. She constantly showered you with compliments, even when you weren't all done up like this.
Pulling away reluctantly, you blinked, before meeting Regina's bright eyes, marveling at the way the hues of blue and green with a dash of orange, blended together. You took the opportunity to take in her outfit. She looked breathtaking - tight, black tank top underneath her leather jacket, dark jeans, with silver jewelry adorning her slender fingers, neck and ears.
God, you were the luckiest girl in the world.
"You look gorgeous, Gina." You spoke shyly, leaning back up into her, hands fisting into her jacket and tugging her closer. She kissed you again, warm tongue nudging your lips apart. You got lost in each other for a few moments, pleasant sighs coming from your mouth.
Regina broke apart from your lips, moving to nip at the skin of your exposed neck. You couldn't help letting out the soft moan that bubbled in your throat, head moving back to rest against the cold window. "If you keep doing that, I just might have to take you back inside, pretty girl." She murmured against your skin, sucking harshly, leave behind a few dark purple marks. You sent her a pointed look as she pulled away, a satisfied smirk on her lips. "Just to make sure everyone knows who you belong to."
Regina nudged you aside and opened the door, gesturing for you to get in as your face turned beet red. She was always quite possessive of you, even from the start of your "secret" relationship, but even more so when you went to parties together.
Honestly, it was hot.
She shut the door once you were settled, moving around to slide into the driver's seat. "Buckle up, baby." She flashed you a killer smile before peeling out of her driveway, free hand coming to rest on the exposed skin of your thigh. The touch made you shiver, shifting slightly in your seat. The blonde sent you a knowing look, laughing under her breath.
She absolutely loved the effect she had on you.
~~~
The party was already in full swing by the time you and Regina arrived. She parked in Gretchen's massive driveway, making sure that no one else could block her in. You really weren't a huge fan of parties, but eventually, viewed it as another opportunity to spend more time with your girlfriend. Albeit, in a setting you didn't prefer, but you could take that on the chin without much of an issue. Any time that you could spend with her was more than worth it.
"You want a drink?" You nodded, following closely behind as the blonde beelined to the kitchen, opening the fridge to pull out a colorful drink. She opened it for you, before setting it in your hand. You thanked her gratefully, taking a sip of the drink. It was quite sweet, the taste of alcohol very minimal, which you appreciated.
Regina looked around the room, eyes stopping on Gretchen and Karen. The two girls were sitting in the living room on the couch, Gretchen crying her eyes out. You both could tell they were very drunk. Regina sighed, turning to you. "I'll be right back, going to go check on them." You nodded, taking another swig. "Don't go anywhere, yeah?" She squeezed your hand, lingering for a moment longer before walking off toward her friends.
You watched her off, hips swaying confidently, the crowd moving out of her way without missing a beat. It still amazed you how she could command an entire room so easily.
You were lost in thought for a little while as Regina disappeared into the crowd, until you felt a quick few taps on your shoulder. Spinning around, you were met with the sight of Cady, grinning at you. Since when did she go to parties?
You thought she was nice enough, knowing her on a very minimal level as the two of you shared a math class last year. You hadn't really spoken to her much since then, only a friendly hello here and there when passing each other in the hallways.
"Hey, Y/N, funny seeing you here tonight. I had no idea you were coming!" You smiled at the redhead awkwardly, shuffling on your feet.
"Yeah, Gretchen invited me. And Regina." You smiled at the mention of your girlfriend's name, doing a quick glance over to where she was supposed to be. The trio was no longer in the living room, though, making you frown. Maybe they went up to Gretchen's room to calm her down?
"Where is she?" You looked back over to Cady, noticing that she had taken a step closer to you, leaning forwards. The surprise of it made you stumble back, coming in contact with the counter behind you.
You laughed slightly, hand gripping tighter on your drink. "Oh, uh...she just went to the bathroom. She should be right back."
Cady cocked her head to the side, taking another step closer to you. "Really? Cause I've been watching you for a little while and she still hasn't come back." Her smile got wider, hand coming up to brush your arm. You recoiled at the touch, flushing yourself back against the counter. A rush of panic washed over you, killing what little buzz you had, noticing the smell of alcohol on her breath and the glazed over look in her eyes. "You know, Y/N", she brushed against your arm as she continued, "I've always had a crush on you. I think you are so pretty." She batted her eyelashes, biting on her lip. "Would you want to maybe go out sometime?"
You just blinked at her, completely baffled at what had come out of her mouth. "Oh..." You smiled awkwardly, moving even farther back to create more space between you, "Cady...I'm really flattered, but no, I think we would be better off as just friends."
Cady laughed. "Come on, I think we would be so great together. Don't you?" She leaned even closer, looking at you expectantly.
Was this girl serious?
As your brows knitted together, you was about to tell her no again, when a warm body pressed against yours from behind, all too familiar hands slipping around your waist and pulling you flush to her. The sweet scent of her perfume filled your nose, relaxing you almost instantly.
"I think the lady said no, Cady." Regina's tone was short and laced with anger, her arms tightening around you. You didn't even have to look at her to know that she was glaring holes in Cady's head. The girl turned red with embarrassment, muttering an apology under her breath before quickly running off.
You let out a deep breath you hadn't realized you were holding, nearly going limp in Regina's embrace. "Are you okay, pretty girl?" Regina turned you around to face her, eyes scanning your face. You nodded as she cupped your cheeks and set your drink on the counter, pulling you in for a sweet kiss. You melted into her, leaning your weight against her front. After a moment you separated, smiling at each other, until you heard someone clearing their throat.
Oh, shit. The party.
"Gina, everyone is looking at us." You whispered, feeling anxiety bubbling in your stomach and crawling up your throat.
Everyone had gone quiet, the eyes of almost all of your classmates locked on the two of you. Regina tensed, but surprisingly, didn't let go. "Me and Y/N are together." Regina voiced loudly without wasting a beat, eyes softening as she looked at you. "And if any of you losers have a problem with it, I will burn you to the ground."
The crowd murmured amongst itself and you watched as everyone simply nodded, shrugged and went on with the party as they were. Both you and Regina visibly relaxed, thankful that there wasn't much of a scene.
No one cared, really. Half of the student population already assumed that you two were together. Neither of you hid it very well - exchanging lovesick glances at lunch, holding hands "platonically" yeah right, lesbians, bringing each other coffee and lunch, whispering to each other and giggling. Gretchen and Karen already knew, exchanging smiles as they watched Regina proudly kiss you in her kitchen.
You smiled at your girlfriend, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You never imagined coming out together in this way, but honestly, it was very fitting. Regina hugged you tightly, whispering her love and adoration for you in your ears, loud enough for only you to hear.
"I love you."
Your heart fluttered, feeling a few tears fall down your cheeks. "I love you, Gina." You held each other for a few long moments before separating. The blonde was looking down at you, pretty smile sitting on her pretty lips. "So..." you trailed off, a teasing smile playing at the corners of your mouth. "Were you jealous of Cady?"
Regina scoffed, rolling her eyes. "As if. That girl could never hold a candle to me. She should've taken a hint - there's like, three big ass hickeys on your neck."
You laughed, pulling her in for another kiss, unable to resist. "No one ever could hold a candle to you, Gina." She just looked so hot when she was jealous. "Take me home?"
The blonde grinned, taking your hands and dragging you to the door without wasting another moment. "I thought you'd never ask, pretty girl."
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i hope you enjoyed!
as always, please leave requests if you have any! :)
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perlelune · 1 month
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Training Wheels | Coriolanus Snow | iv.
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Your mother's macabre work never appealed to you as you always preferred the comfort of your books, but when her apprentice takes a special interest in you, your safe, quiet world is flipped upside down.
Warnings: DUB-CON, NON-CON, Gaul!Reader, Shy Reader, Manipulation, Parental Neglect, Drinking, Peer Pressure, Hazing, University set, Loss of Virginity, Dumbification, Insecurities, Abusive Relationship, Degradation, Suicide Attempt
This is a dark story. Heed warnings before reading under the cut.
𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙
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“Oh, do you mind if we take a little break?” Clemensia asks almost as soon as you’ve begun working on the task she gave you. You blink, a little confused as your gaze roams across the table. There’s still so much to do. You’re not sure if the girls are just that slow but it’s clear that it will take at least a few hours to get all of it done.
But Clemensia is in charge of the ball committee. You don’t picture yourself telling her what to do or how to do it. After all, you are an outsider. A foreign element infiltrating their ecosystem. You have to play by their rules.
If they want to take a break, who are you to argue with that?
You begin to rise.
“Oh, a break, sure…”
Clemensia’s lips pinch as you try to follow them. “It’s just that…we’ve been doing this for so long, all by ourselves. I even broke a nail.” She pouts, showing you her hands. “But it needs to be finished today.” She nibbles her bottom lip and sighs, eyes pleading yours. “If no one stays behind…”
You mull it over. While you’re not thrilled over the idea of working on the decorations by yourself, you did just get here. You suppose you could hold the fort while they stretch their legs…or whatever Clemensia and her friends like to do when they hang out.
“I guess I could stay,” you concede.
Clemensia flashes you a broad grin.
“You’re so sweet,” she chimes. “Thank you. We won’t be long, promise. Ten minutes tops.”
You shrug and return to your chair. Ten minutes. That sounds reasonable. You pick up the scissors and start cutting more of the tree shapes. 
“No problem.”
But one issue arises. 
The promised ten minutes expand into thirty. Then an hour. Then two. At first, you don’t let your mind dissect it too hard. It’s a stupid thing to overthink, isn’t it? A silly thing to chop into pieces until your mind bleeds with doubt and insecurity. You surmise it was more of an approximation. People do that all the time, say something while meaning another. At least you believe they do. Besides, you find ways to keep yourself busy, even getting started on the sparkly globes lying on the side of the room. You figure out how to use most of the tools on your own and get wrapped in your own bubble of quietness. 
Silence is a familiar companion, the one constant that never judged you, never asked for more of you. In your Silence, you get to be you. Nothing more; nothing less. So you let yourself sink in its warm, snug embrace.
Still, somewhere in the back of your mind, thoughts meander passively… What is taking them so long? You steal a glance outside the window. Orange and purple hues are already bleeding into the sky, a sign of the evening nearing its end. 
You retrieve your pocket watch from inside your skirt. A frown wrinkles your brow. At a time like this, you would usually be home, curled up with Walter on your bed as you go over your notes for the week. It often takes you hours just to decipher the course transcripts. 
“Wow, you did such a great job,” Clemensia whistles from behind you. 
You gasp and whirl. All smiles, the girls fill your sight.
They approach the table and examine some of the decorations you put together on your own. Realization sweeps through you as the fog of your thoughts clear. It didn’t hit you before, not until you absorbed the current state of the crafts table, brimming with the results of your solitary labor. You’ve been busy. Spinning crystal balls, pine cones, silvery garlands and a heap of snowflakes meant to hang on the walls and ceiling. Clemensia admires your handiwork, seemingly impressed. 
A little peeved, you point out, “I mean…had you guys even started? Most of the decorations needed to be cut, glued or assembled…”
“I have delicate hands,” Livia sighs, examining her manicured nails. 
“I’m very slow, sorry,” Ivy says apologetically.
Your frown deepens. Was this whole thing a setup? You sacrificed precious time to be here and you shudder to think the entire purpose of your presence is some kind of childish prank. 
Coriolanus’ words echo in your mind. He argued the girls weren’t like that and that they left the immature tricks back at the Academy. You truly want to believe that none of this is designed to embarrass you, that perhaps, again, all of this is in your head. But your aching fingers, sore from doing crafts most of the afternoon, suggestotherwise.
Unleashing a sigh, you gather your satchel and head towards the exit. 
Clemensia obstructs your path, holding up her hands in apology. 
“I know we should have been back earlier. I’m so sorry. We ran into the Dean and it turned into a whole thing.” She seizes your hands, remorse twisting her pretty features. “I feel so horrible. I invited you so we could do it together as friends.”
Your shoulders slump. As you soak in the look of genuine contrition on her face, doubts lurk inside you. Your confidence about being the victim of some prank wavers. Perhaps, you overreacted. Incidents happen. Besides, the chances of you joining Clemmie’s committee are slim, as you’re already swamped with assignments. A promise was made and you kept it. But this likely will be a one time thing. School dances are at the bottom of your priority list right now.
So you discard it all with a wave of your hand and a contrived smile.
“It’s okay. No apology needed. It’s not your fault.” You note how much darker it’s gotten outside. “I should go back home though. It’s already so late-”
Clemensia stops you again, her hand tightening around yours as she offers excitedly, “Wait, you should come to game night at Liv’s.”
“What?” Livia snickers. Clemensia shoots her a withering glare and the blonde clears her throat, correcting herself, “I mean…yeah, you totally should come.”
You fidget and adjust the strap of your satchel. You may have heard whispers of those game nights. Mystique surrounds them as only a few chosen people are invited to attend. You, of course, were never invited. And it isn’t hard to gather how Livia feels about you coming from her reaction. Why force your way into places where you aren’t wanted?
“I’m already behind on my revising for the day. If I don’t go over my Molecular-”
“Boring,” Ivy sings sarcastically.
“Don’t be mean, Ivy,” Clemensia scolds, elbowing her in the rib.
Clemensia tilts her head, her tone turning beseeching.
“Please…I really want to get to know you better.” She huffs out a long breath as she seems to sense your hesitation. The brunette leans closer, hands clutching your forearms. Sympathy twinkles in her onyx orbs. “You know, I used to be a lot like you. Always striving to be the best at everything I do.” A hollow giggle slips through her lips. “It’s how I got in trouble with your mother actually…I wanted to win so badly and she decided to teach me a lesson.” Sadness pinches her delicate features. “But by always striving for greatness, you miss out on life. I learnt that during the Games...”
“...Surviving isn’t living.”
She studies you before saying, “And it’s what you’re doing, isn’t it? Surviving.”
Eyes on the ground, you chew on your lip. You never imagined someone like Clemensia Dovecote - the most beautiful, popular girl at the University - could feel this way…let alone relate to you.
“Clemmie…”
She hunkers a little so your eyes meet.
“Come on, I really want to make up for today.” She laughs. “Show you I’m not a bitch.”
“I don’t think you’re a bitch,” you say.
She places her palm on your cheek. “See? You’re so nice. That’s why I want us to be friends.” She bends over your ear, the words she mutters almost too quiet to be heard, “I can barely stand those two on most days, but appearances must be kept.”
Your gaze swings upward, shock pulsing through you.
She beams at you. “It’ll be an intimate gathering of just a select group, close friends. We play cards, chat, and have a few drinks. That’s it.”
Your forehead creases.
“I don’t drink.”
Squeezing your shoulders, she assures you, “Then I’ll make sure not a drop of alcohol passes your lips. Promise.”
“It’s casual, I swear. You can even leave early if you want.” 
This grabs your attention, as you aren’t sure you’ll make it through the night without craving to return to the safe, familiarity of your apartment. The potential for escape makes the offer far more enticing.
Obviously, Clemensia cares about you showing up. While you don’t fully grasp why, you also never had anyone go out of their way to spend time with you. During the Academy days, everyone avoided you like the plague, either finding you odd or fearing you were as terrifying as your mother. The University doesn’t seem much different so far, groups having already formed from previous camaraderie. Bonds that were forged years ago and cemented over time while you endured in the back of the class. The forgotten one. And you always figured it is the most you can aspire for. Being ignored and left alone.
Until now.
“Really?”
Clemensia’s smile widens.
“Yes. You can stay as long as you want and leave.”
“I don’t have anything to wear to a party,” you muse, pursing your lips. Your tiny, limited wardrobe has always prioritized function over fashion. There are your Academy uniforms, a few loose, unflattering clothes you rotate between. A single formal dress more suited for a funeral than a game night. Nothing impressive because you never had anyone to impress.
You also have no sense of fashion, the trends shifting too quickly for you to keep up. So you’ve stopped trying to. 
“Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out,” she chimes. “The girls and I always get ready at each other’s house anyway. And you’re one of the girls now.”
You peer down at you and Clemensia’s entwined hands. One of the girls. No one’s ever spoken about you that way. As if your mere presence made something better, uplifting it instead of leading it to its ruin. As if you were solid, more than a wisp of air, a waste of breath. As if you mattered. So, despite the sizzling weight of Livia’s blue eyes on you, you smile back at Clemmie and give a bashful nod.
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Your eyes feast on every detail of Clemensia’s living room as you enter her home. Her parents’ apartment is every bit as large and opulent as you imagined. Every exquisite detail screams wealth. The unabashed, showy kind that stoked the embers of bitter unfairness in the Districts, leading the Capitol to where it is today. A city risen from the ashes. Your attention lingers on the expensive artwork exposed in glass cabinets. A lot of it appears to be memorabilia from before the war. You’re willing to bet the combined value of every overpriced trinket in the house could feed an entire District. Paintings of Clemmie’s illustrious ancestors hang over the damask walls, their stern stares seeming to follow you. Almost as if they were ready to leap from the eroded gilded frames and berate you for being an intruder in their family home.
Clemensia tugs you along.
“What are you dawdling for? Come on,” she urges. 
You trail behind her as she takes you to her bedroom. You smile when you see it. The somber, tasteful hues are so very her. The hinges of her wardrobe whine as she opens the large, wooden doors. A vertiginous row of clothes crowd your sight. You gawk, a little amazed but also slightly terrified. Who needs this many clothes? A sour expression scrunches her features.
“I know,” she sighs, placing a hand on her hip. “This is a little embarrassing. Most of these are soo last season.”
You tilt your head at her dizzying collection of shoes, clothes, accessories…the kind a legion of girls would kill for.
“Right,” you blindly agree. Nevermind you can’t even tell the difference. You glance around. “Shouldn’t Livia and Ivy be here too?”
Her brow twitches as she sits on her massive canopy bed. She pats the spot next to her and you awkwardly plop down. The plush silk and soft mattress dip under your weight.
“We decided to meet later,” she reveals. She pauses, a heavy sigh fluttering through her painted red lips before adding, “Besides, I told them to be nicer to you and they got upset and pretended not to know what I was talking about.”
“I’m sorry,” you mumble.
She waves her manicured hand dismissively.
“No, don’t be. This isn’t your fault.” Clemensia licks her lips, her face etched with reflection, as if she were assessing the weight of her words before releasing them. Her hand settles on your arm.
“Look, here’s the thing. Livia’s had a crush on Coriolanus since he returned and they had a sort of fling.” Your mouth drops open. This is news to you. You didn’t catch any hint of lingering longing between the two back at their lunch table. But now that you’re mulling it over, perhaps…Perhaps, Livia’s eyes kept seeking Coriolanus’, while his treaded their own path, never crossing hers. “Things were going pretty well...for a little while. But then, you came along.”
Your brows furrow. “What does this have to do with anything?”
Clemensia’s bell-like laughter resonates in the room.
“God, you’re a sweet thing…just like Snow said.” She beams at you. “Don’t worry. Liv will get over it. She’s all bark and no bite, trust me.”
Her attention travels to the dark fabric peeking from your bag.
“What’s that?” she asks, pulling out the garment.
“The only dress I have.”
She inspects it with a displeased frown.
“Were you planning on wearing this?” She shakes her head as your mouth clamps shut. “Oh, this will not do.”
She takes your hand and drags you to her wardrobe. Brow wrinkled in concentration, she rummages through a numberless heap of garments.
“I have some clothes that my cousin left,” she explains while frantically searching. After a while, victory flares in her orbs. She unhooks a sleek, crimson dress with a tight bodice and flowing sleeves from a hanger. She holds it against your body, chiming, “She’s about your size so they should fit you.” 
“I can’t accept this, Clemmie.”
You attempt to push her hands away but the brunette shoves it in your arms, insisting on you at least trying it on. You press the soft fabric between your fingers. It’s more revealing and form-fitting than you’re used to. You gather it would cling to your body like a second skin…one you aren’t used to wearing. Still, you must admit that it’s a lovely dress. One that could look good even on you. Temptation claws at your resolve, digging deeper and deeper grooves, right into every insecurity you ever had. That thing other girls had that always eluded you. That little secret you were never privy to. The key to that door that never opened. The dress is the key. And you find yourself unable to resist turning the lock to find out what secrets lie beyond that mysterious door.
Beneath Clemmie’s eager stare, you remove your clothes and slip on the dress.
Smug satisfaction hovers on her lips as you peer at your reflection. Words fizzle out on your tongue. You are looking at a complete stranger.
Clemmie rests her chin on your shoulder. “See? I knew it.”
She then has you sit at her vanity to help you do your makeup. Do your makeup…The words sound alien even in the private confines of your thoughts.
As she draws a neat black line over your eyelids, she says, “It hasn’t been long since makeup’s returned to the Capitol again. It used to be near impossible to find.” When she’s done, she turns you towards the vanity mirror. “Those colors will bring out your eye shape and color.”
The air leaves your lungs in a quick rush. You lean closer to the mirror, once again in disbelief that you are truly looking at your own face.
Fingers twisting the delicate fabric of the dress, you pivot to Clemmie.
“Why are you so nice to me?” you blurt out.
Her eyes widen briefly before her expression softens.
“You remind me of me.”
Confusion surges through you. There is an ocean of glaring differences between you and Clemmie, one you couldn’t swim through if you tried. 
“What?”
“Believe it or not, I wasn’t always this confident.”
Your brows knit, Clemmie’s statement making little sense. If confidence wore a face and had a name, it’d be Clemensia Dovecote’s.
Gripping your shoulders, she turns your focus back onto your dolled-up appearance.
“Alright. Look in the mirror, what do you see?”
You blink. You see a girl playing dress-up, pretending, but you don’t utter those words aloud. They sound lame, even in your own head.
“Nothing,” you tritely respond, dipping your head.
She lifts your chin, moving her head to disagree.
“That’s where you’re wrong.” Her eyes twinkle. “I see infinite potential. So stop selling yourself short.” Covering her mouth, she laughs. “His jaw is going to drop.”
“Whose jaw?”
She smirks at you. “You know whose jaw.”
Heat sneaks inside your face.
You fidget in the chair. It’s not like what he thinks matters, right? He is no one to you, just that boy with the unsettling blue stare who won’t leave you be for some strange reason. 
So why is there a tiny shiver of excitement coursing through your veins when the thought of him seeing you like that permeates your brain?
A vigorous gust of common sense sweeps away your wayward musings. 
You don’t care what he thinks. Of course you don’t.
“I-It’s not really my style,” you stammer as you get to your feet.
The sparkle in her onyx orbs doesn’t waver.
“Sweetheart, you don’t have a style yet…so how would you even know?”
“Shouldn’t we be at Livia’s already?” you ask, hoping to steer the conversation in another direction.
She considers you as if you were the most endearing thing in the world. She grabs your hands. “Here’s another rule. Never be on time for anything.” A haughty smirk creeps upon her red lips. “Make them wait for you, not the other way around.” She cocks her head. “One of the things about confidence is knowing that you are the sun, and standing in your orbit is a rare privilege.” She scoffs, “People should feel lucky you even bothered showing up.”
 She approaches you and touches up parts of your hair, visibly elated with the result.
“Perfect,” she trills. “Like I said…potential.”
She herself finishes getting ready. As you absently meander about her room, the doorbell chimes. 
Clemmie pauses as she applies powder on her face. She sets aside her makeup tools and escorts you to the lobby, arm threaded with yours.
“Must be our chauffeur,” she states.
Your eyes round. “You have a chauffeur?”
She cloisters herself in cryptic silence, humming as she drags you along.
When the brunette swings the door open, a towering, familiar figure darkening her doorway, time hangs still for a few seconds.
Your mouth opens wide enough to catch flies.
A smug smile unfurls on his lips.
“Angel,” he greets, gaze locking with yours as he completely ignores Clemmie.
Her sharp irritated tone shatters the spell.
“You’re late, Snow.”
Coriolanus snickers. 
“As if you’re ever on time.”
You trail behind Clemmie as she and Coriolanus keep bantering, his presence still swaddling you in sheer shock. When she tries to take the passenger seat, he drapes a placating hand over hers.
She rolls her eyes and begrudgingly heads to the back of the car.
He opens the car door for you. Recalling the fruitlessness of arguing with him, you climb into the seat. Still, saying you feel awkward riding in the front while the brunette is sulking in the backseat would be a massive understatement.
Few words can accurately describe how peculiar all of this is for you.
“You look surprised,” Coriolanus notes as he takes his own seat and slams the door shut. Your heart misses a beat when his hot breath caresses your earshell. “I did say I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”
You look down at your lap. Breathing is laborious, the air in the vehicle coated with the lingering smell of his pricey cologne. You are literally choking on Coriolanus Snow with every breath you take.
“Will you just drive, Snow?” Clemmie snaps, crossing her arms.
“Relax. Patience is a virtue,” he says, not sparing her a glance, zeroing in on you instead. The drumming of your heart swells to an uproar in your ears when he reaches across your body. You hold still while he ties your seatbelt for you. Blue eyes rake over your form in brazen appraisal, his deep voice lowering. “And good things come to those who wait.”
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stargirlo · 2 months
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somber fem!reader
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i just can imagine how much ur boyfie misses you after u two break up :(
he'll go to a seedy bar and drink up until he feels numb on his body, his musky colgone is now replaced with a reeking scent of jack daniels whiskey as he looks completely wasted. holding the whole bottle lazily on his hand before he pours himself another cup of the brown liquid onto the well designed glass cup.
he even babbles about you to the bartender, showing him a picture of yourself that he keeps in his wallet everyday. "you see this- *hic* fine babe? yeah- *hic* i-i lost her two days ago..." he slurred out, eyes dropping low as he looks like he was about to throw up. the only response the bartender could make is either awkwardly chuckling or just saying a small "aw..." because really, he doesn't have the time to have a therapy session with a drunkard.
"s-she like uh-... broke up with me for i don't know what reason, uhmmm- ugh, i miss her s'much..." he whines, acting like he was about to cry. he misses you, he really does. numbing all his pain away from endless amount of shots from the whiskey cup and just slurring out incoherent words that clearly don't make sense. someone comfort this man :(
but as he tips over the barstool, he finally manages to leave the bar and head over his car. murmuring incoherent words and stumbling over the pavement flooring before he finally slams his body against the car door. he struggles a little bit, letting out a strained groan as he sits down at the drivers seat. poor man is tired, and he feels so lonely without your presence beside the passenger seat. you were his passenger princess, and he can't seem to get over you.
he's acting like a total loser right now.
he takes out his wallet again, flipping it open to reveal the picture of you. you were peacefully sleeping on his bed, hair tousled around the plush pillows, and a little puddle of drool seeping into the pillow covers. he chuckles at the picture before it was replaced with silent cries, tears dripping down his cheeks as a few droplets drip down to his jeans. he can't believe he lost you, over god knows what argument you two had both had.
he misses you so much that while he was crying he could feel his cock throbbing against his jeans. he was craving your touch, the way your hand palms his cock and stroke him so deliberately and deliciously with such delicate hands. god he misses it.
so without further ado his cock already sprung free from its confines, one hand holding the wallet while the other worked its way down to stroke his cock. he felt so desperate that he spits on his cock as a use of a lubricant, letting out a throaty groan and string of whispers, talking to himself and praising himself as if you were still there with him. pathetic whimpers fill in the spacious car, the windows slightly fogging up as his vision was already at haze.
all that his mind was clouded of was with images of you.
he still feels empty, even if he's bringing himself close to an orgasm. but he tried, he really tried to think that you're the one stroking his cock instead of he himself. "g-god i... ugh- i miss you s'much baby, holy fuck- please come back..." he murmurs under his breath, jaw clenching as his eyebrows pinch together, letting go of his orgasm. it wasn't particularly the best he could've had but... at least it was something he could do while thinking about you.
but honestly, he just wishes you were there with him. he wishes he could go back in time and fix things properly instead of being put up into this situation. but i guess time will tell, and it's how god had written its story between you and him.
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💌: gojo satoru, geto suguru, nanami kento (who would break up with him?), hiromi higuruma, toji fushiguro (hear me out...), dazai osamu, odasaku, chuuya nakahara, manjiro sano, draken, rafe cameron, jj maybank, shinichiro sano, ++ your favs!!
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lives-in-midgard · 3 months
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Back To You
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Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
Summary: A few months after Bucky and you broke up you find out that it was all just a big misunderstanding.
Word Count: 1960
Request: Could you do a fic where reader and Bucky broke up because of an argument caused by a misunderstanding and then a few months later they find out what actually happened and get back together? [Full request here]
A/N: Thank you so much for requesting this! I hope you like how this turned out! 💞 Thank you @lokisbiiiitch1993 for helping me!
Masterlist
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Bucky and you have been dating for almost a year now. You were so happy with each other but lately you noticed a change in Bucky. He was spending more time with Natasha. Texting her and when she called, he would immediately pick up. You actually wanted to ask Bucky if he would like to move in with you, but you weren’t sure anymore.
You were having breakfast with Bucky when someone called him. You couldn’t see who it was, but he picked up immediately.
“Hey Nat.” You heard him say as he left the room. After a few minutes he came back with a smile.
“I’m sorry doll, but I have to go soon. Natasha needs something important.”
“Oh, but you will be back, right? Because we wanted to go to the cinema, remember?” You asked him a little sad because you had been looking forward to this movie for a while and had already bought tickets.
“Of course, I’ll be back I don’t want to miss spending time with my girl.” Bucky reached for your hand and then kissed your cheek.
“How about we cuddle before I leave?”
After cuddling, Bucky left to meet up with Natasha. You looked through the mission report again, so you could bring it with you the next time you go to the compound. Then you watched your favorite show and made yourself ready for the cinema.
You waited and looked at your phone but there was no message from Bucky. It was almost time to leave, and you weren’t sure if you still want to watch the movie. But you didn’t want to stay home alone either. You started to feel sad and tears formed in your eyes. You thought about calling Bucky, your finger was already over his phone number, but you decided not to bother him and Natasha. So, you put the phone away and started crying even more.
No, you won’t let Bucky ruin your plans.
You wiped your tears away and then remembered that Sam wanted to watch this movie as well. He’s a good friend of yours, so you decided to call him. You dialed his number, and it didn’t take long for him to pick up.
“Hey, y/n.” He said happily.
“Hey, Sam.”
“I still have another ticket for the movie we talked about and thought you might want to go with me?”
“Of course, I would like to watch the movie with you.” He said and you started to smile.
“When does the movie start?”
“The movie starts in an hour.”
“Wow, that’s soon.” He chuckled.
“It’s okay if you don’t have time. I can go alone as well.”
“No, I’m coming with you. I’ll pick you up, okay?”
“Okay, see you and drive carefully.”
You went to the bathroom and got ready while Sam made his way to you. You checked your phone again for a message from Bucky, but there was nothing.
When Sam arrived, he greeted you with a hug and then drove to the cinema.
“Is everything okay?” Sam asked after a while.
“Yeah.” You mumbled and looked out of the window.
“What did Bucky do?” You had to chuckle and told Sam that Bucky was supposed to go with you and then you told him about Natasha. After Sam parked the car, he pulled you into a hug. He wanted to say something, but you interrupted him.
“Let’s just go and watch the movie, okay?”
“Sure, do you want popcorn?” Sam asked and you nodded. Sam got the snacks while you got some drinks. When you sat down in your seat, you looked at your phone one last time. But there wasn’t any message from Bucky. You put the phone away and then enjoyed the movie with Sam. You had a great time and even forgot that Bucky was with Natasha.
When the movie ended, Sam drove you back to your apartment. Before he left, he hugged you. He rubbed your back and then kissed your cheek softly.
What you didn’t notice was that Bucky was standing at the other side of the street and saw you and Sam together, but from his perspective it didn’t look like a kiss on the cheek. It looked like Sam kissed you on the lips and when Sam turned away, you were smiling.
Bucky didn’t want to see you anymore, so he turned around, walked back to his car and drove to the compound.
The next day didn’t go as you thought it would. You were still sad because of Bucky and when he sent you the following message you were even sadder.
“Hey, do you have time? We need to talk.”
A tear began to run down your cheek because you knew what this would mean. You ignored it for a few minutes but then texted him back.
“Hey, yeah I’m at home.”
“Okay, I’ll be there soon.”
You didn’t have to wait long until you heard Bucky knock on your door. You opened the door and Bucky walked in.
“Hey.” He mumbled.
“Hey, Bucky.”
“Y/n, we need to talk.” He said and you nodded. It was a bit weird for you to hear Bucky calling you by your name because he usually gives you petnames. Bucky started playing with his metal hand, looking at the ground for a second and then he looked back at you.
“Something has changed between you and me.” There it was, exactly what you thought he was going to say. At first you didn’t know what to say, so you just nodded.
“Yeah, that’s true. Especially since you don’t have much time for me anymore.” You decided to say.
“What, that’s not true.”
“Oh, really? And what about yesterday? When were we supposed to go to the cinema together?” You said in an angry tone.
“Oh, I bet you had great company there.” Bucky provoked and you shook your head.
“Actually, you’re right I had.”
“You know what? It really doesn’t make sense with us anymore. It’s over.” Bucky snapped and you took a step back.
“Okay, great.” You shouted.
“Yeah, great.” Bucky said and left your apartment without looking at you. When Bucky closed the door, you started to cry. You walked into your room and noticed one of Bucky’s shirts laying over your chair. You grabbed it and threw it out of the room. You laid down in your bed and cried all day long. Maybe it was for the best and Bucky and Natasha will be happy together.
Over the next few days and weeks, you tried to avoid Bucky as much as possible. You only met him when you really had no choice, like in a meeting or on missions. You found a few of his things in your apartment, packed them all into a box and placed them beside his room on the compound. Sam spent more time with you, trying to be there for you as best as he could.
It had been two months since your breakup with Bucky. It’s been sad and frustrating two months. You missed Bucky so much, just like he missed you.
When you arrived at the compound for a meeting that day, you never imagined that the day would end the way it did.
The meeting went well, and Fury has decided that you, Natasha and Steve will go on a mission tomorrow. At first you weren’t happy that Natasha will go on the mission with you, but there was nothing you could do about it, so you had to accept it.
When you saw Bucky in the living room with Steve and Sam, you decided to go training for a while before you leave. When you entered the training room you saw that Natasha was there as well. You decided to not pay much attention to her and just do your thing. You trained for a while and then took a short break. You sat down on a bench. After a few minutes Natasha joined you. You sat there in silence for a while until you decided to say something.
“I hope you and Bucky are happy together.” Natasha looked at you, had a confused expression on her face and then started laughing.
“You think me and Bucky are a couple? We’re definitely not, me and Barnes are just good friends.” She said after she stopped laughing. Now you were the one who was confused.
“But you were when we broke up, right?”
“No, we definitely weren’t.”
“I don’t understand…because I thought that was one of the reasons we broke up.”
“What?” Natasha asked confused.
“You and Bucky were hanging out a lot and I assumed there was something going on between you two. So I thought that was one of the reasons we broke up.” You said and went quiet again.
“Wait, we were just hanging out so much because...” She paused for a moment but then said more.
“Well, I guess I can say it now. I helped Bucky with something. He wanted to prepare something for your birthday.”
“Really?” You asked and Natasha nodded.
“But I thought there was something between you and Sam?” Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Me and Sam? What?!”
“Bucky saw you and Sam kissing.”
“What, but we never-.” You wanted to say more, but then you remembered Sam kissing you on your cheek. What if Bucky saw you, but for Bucky it looked like Sam kissed your lips?
“I have to find Bucky.” You said, stood up and ran to the door. You run up the stairs and into the living room looking for Bucky.
When you were having this conversation with Natasha, Bucky was having an almost similar conversation with Sam. Sam told Bucky that nothing happened between the two of you and that he was just there for you.
“I have to find Y/n.” Bucky said and ran out of the room.
When you reached the living room, Bucky was no longer there, so you decided to check in his room. As you ran up the stairs you bumped into someone. When you looked up you saw that it was Bucky.
“Bucky.” You said his name at the same time as he said your name.
“Natasha told me there’s nothing going on between you and her.”
“And Sam told me there was nothing going on between you and him. And what I saw was just a kiss on the cheek.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“Oh, doll. I’m so sorry I saw you and Sam and I thought …I really thought there was something going on. If we only had talked better with each other that day instead of just assuming things.” Bucky looked away and you reached for his hands.
“Then we would probably still be a couple.” You finished his sentence, Bucky nodded and looked at you.
“Do you think you can give me another chance?” Bucky asked with a sad look in his eyes.
“Yes, but we should talk better from now on.”
“Definitely.” Bucky started to smile, and you pulled him into a hug.
“Oh, doll. I missed you so much.” Bucky said as he hugged you tightly.
“I missed you too.”
“Natasha told me that she helped you prepare something for my birthday.” You confessed as you broke the hug.
“Yeah, that’s true. Did she tell you what it was?”
“No, she didn’t.”
“Okay, then I hope you’re excited for your birthday surprise.”
You’re happy to give Bucky another chance. Although it will certainly take some time for you to forget what happened, you and Bucky will try to communicate better in your relationship from now on. Because it wasn’t just his fault, it was yours too, but you’re so happy to have Bucky back.
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Taglist:
@marvelogic | @eviebuggg | @buckys-wintersoldier | @nicoline1998enilocin | @kandis-mom | @sergeantbarnessdoll | @noellez-best-life23 @beaubbdoll | @sgtgarricks | @ratchildspartan | @scott-loki-barnes |  @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 | @mrsbuckybarnes1917
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dilemmaontwolegs · 3 months
Text
Not A Verstappen: Lights Out {6}
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!driver!reader x Lando Norris Summary: The aftermath of Lando's outburst is a messy one with more consequences than they thought there would be. Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, fluff, angst, vomit WC: 2.1k F1 Masterlist NAV: Sibling Rivalry One || Two || Three NAV: Gridlocked One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine NAV: A New World One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine || Ten NAV: Lights Out One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || 6.5
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Charles’ cheeks hurt from the smile that split his face and his chest heaved with elation as he screamed into his helmet. He had risked everything to overtake Checo in the last corner of the last lap and his team had been against the move, but he showed them why he was Ferrari’s golden boy. 
Pulling up into the space beside Max’s car, Charles leapt out of the cockpit and rushed over to his team searching for you and Lando. He had been told you were both back from the hospital but he couldn’t find you as he scanned the area. “Xavi! Where are they?” Charles asked over the noise. It was almost deafening how loud the cries of congratulations were.
“They’re fine, just go get weighed - the car is waiting,” he said with a nod to the Rolls-Royce that would take him, Max and Checo to the post-race interviews at the Bellagio. 
Max had already been weighed and dumped his helmet on his stand, replacing it for his water bottle. His face was redder than usual and he squeezed the bottle, gulping down the heavy electrolytes with a look that set Charles on edge. 
“Go,” Xavi urged when Charles failed to move. 
His excitement and happiness was still at the forefront of his mind but in the back of it he wondered what had happened. He assumed it was regarding Lando’s injuries, that seemed the most obvious thing, but since he had been released from the hospital it can’t have been too bad. 
“Stay calm,” Max said as they saddled up beside each other in the back of the car. 
That was not what Charles wanted to hear. “What the fuck is going on?” 
Checo looked out of the window and kept to himself as he waved to the crowd. 
Max was never one to cower from pressure and he held Charles' eyes as he broke the news GP had given him a few laps before the race ended. “Everyone knows that Y/N is pregnant, and that’s why she lost her seat.”
Shock, fear, anger. All of those passed across Charles' face before he looked away and swallowed. “Is she safe?”
“She’s in the McLaren garage, she’s safe.”
Charles’ heart slowly began to recover but the pulsing of its beat in his head still thumped. “How?” he choked, as he broke away from the bright lights of the city and faced the man he considered his brother-in-law. “How did they find out?”
Max winced, though he knew this was where the conversation would head before it even started. The car was pulling into the front of the hotel and he knew that he was running out of time. There was no way that any interviewer would be able to resist asking Charles about the news, despite his titillating overtake on the last turn. 
“It wasn’t his fault,” Max started and immediately Charles' stomach dropped. “Lando was on strong painkillers and didn’t know what he was doing.”
Charles was glad the car came to a stop and he didn’t wait for the valet to open the door before he was out. The air seemed too thin to fill his lungs as he worried about your safety, it was always his biggest concern. 
A hand grabbed his shoulder, snapping him back to the present and Max gave it a squeeze. “Come on, mate. It was an accident. Pull yourself together and let’s get back to them, okay?”
He nodded numbly, pushing back his emotions because like on the track they would do no good going to the interviews. He had been trained for this, for the press, and he would try his best to stay calm. Max could see Charles struggle, his knuckles turning white around the microphone that he clenched from the moment he was offered congratulations. Though he wasn’t comfortable, Charles’ smile was genuine when he said how excited he was to be a father and start a family. 
“Please respect our wishes for privacy over the winter break,” he handed the microphone back, ending the line of questioning for him and Checo graciously stepped in to take the attention. Charles felt like a caged animal as he stalked off from the balcony and found an assistant with an iPad. “Do you have the video?”
She didn’t need to ask what video he meant as she found the clip on every news agency’s website. Charles felt sick seeing Lando on the gurney, an IV in his hand and his eyes vacant. Pain pinched Lando’s forehead and his head lolled to the side drunkenly as he spoke to you, the words imperceptible before he spotted the camera. 
“I’m going to be a father!” Lando screamed joyfully before sinking back into the pillow. Your shock was clear and he didn’t need to hear your voice to know what you were saying when you shook your head. 
Charles sighed and handed the iPad back, raking a hand down his face. He was angry but it didn’t feel fair to be angry at Lando. Charles had crashed enough times to know how strong the painkillers were. Now more than ever he was happy there was only one race left, one more public outing before he could sequester you away for the winter. He needed this winter to hurry up so he could breathe easier in the remote regions of northern France. 
“You good?” Max asked as he clapped him on the shoulder after the water fountain finished its special something or rather. He couldn’t say he paid any attention to it, it was far from his mind when he stood before it.
“Fine,” Charles muttered quietly. “Can we go now?”
Back in the garage you watched the post race interviews and rubbed Lando’s shoulders. Jon had almost called for an ambulance when clarity returned to your boyfriend and he realised what he had done. Thankfully someone from the team had cleaned up the mess he made when he vomited from all the worry. Jon thought he had a concussion, but it was just guilt. 
“You’re going to make yourself sick again, babe. He’s not going to kill you.”
Lando looked up from the seat he slouched in, his bottom lip pressed out with the occasional quiver. “What if he hates me? Oh fuck, he’s going to break up with me, I know it.”
“No one is breaking up, ever,” you growled as you cradled his face and forced him to look at you. “I’m not letting this little one grow up without her fathers.”
“You’re angry too.”
“Yes, I’m angry, Lando, but I’m not going to break up with you because of it, neither will Charles. You were as high as a kite and the cameras shouldn’t have been anywhere near the medical centre.” 
A commotion in the crowds drew your attention away and you nodded your head to the stage that had been erected on the grid while the post race interviews took place. “They’re back,” you said as you stood up. “Come on.”
“My ribs hurt,” Lando complained as he refused to move from his seat, holding his hand up to show his hospital wristbands as proof. 
“Lando…” you could see he was being stubborn so you huffed and went with guilt tripping him instead. “Well I’m going to watch the podium…in that big crowd…where everyone is pushing and elbowing…while I’m carrying your child…”
“Fuck, fine,” he growled as he stood up, curling an arm around you protectively like you knew he would. “But we are staying with the mechanics.”
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“This seems like overkill,” you muttered as extra security guards arrived to walk you and Lando four garages down to Ferrari. 
“I’m not taking any chances,” Lando said with another guilt ridden glance. “It’s my fault anyway.”
You took his hand and stepped into the protective forcefield that was over half a dozen black-suited guards. It wasn’t the first time having a security team, it was quite common with Red Bull and the hate they received, but it was different this time. The protection wasn’t for you and from the amount of people waiting outside the McLaren garage you were grateful for the extra arms. Like a well oiled machine the men fell into formation, creating an arrowhead that speared through the crowd, carving a path for you and Lando to follow. 
“Breathe before you pass out,” you warned Lando when you reached the archway that opened into Charles’ garage. He started to freeze but you tugged his hand and pulled him inside.
“I’m trying, but I think I’m going to be sick again.”
He did look a little pale as you spotted Xavi, who tapped Charles’ shoulder. Charles turned and you watched as the worry and fear faded from his green eyes, before worry returned. 
“Mon cher,” he murmured as he stepped closer. Lando clutched his stomach at the sound and folded in half, hurling the blueberry pancakes he had nibbled on all over the floor and Charles’ shoes. “Mon Dieu!”
The acrid smell of bile made your stomach turn but you were grateful you never had the morning sickness most women complained about. Still looking pale, Charles caught Lando as he swayed and you grabbed the closest chair to put him in. 
“He’s been making himself sick with worry,” you explained in a rush. “Just tell him you’re not going to dump him so he can stop imagining it.”
“What?” Charles’ eyes widened as he looked at Lando, his blue eyes watery and downcast at the mess he had made, again. “I’m not going to dump you, mon cher. How could you ever think that?”
“Because he is more dramatic than the two of us combined,” you offered with a smile that softened the words. “But we love him for it.”
Charles brushed away the tears on Lando’s cheeks and went to kiss him before thinking better of it. “We are a family, we will adapt - you already got more security I see.”
“You’re not angry?”
“Oh I am,” he admitted, Lando’s eyes snapping up at the lilt in his tone. Dipping his head to Lando’s ear, you chuckled as you saw a smirk grow as they whispered a promise. “And your ass is going to feel it for days.”
Round Twenty Three - Abu Dhabi 
The apartment in Monaco was quiet without Lando and Charles. From the penthouse the noise of the street barely carried to its height and the only sound came from the TV. Martin Brundle was making his way down the grid, trying to interview any personality he could name over the raucousness of the crowds and engines.
You longed to be with them, standing above the pitlane watching the chaos unfold. Unfortunately, because of Lando’s untimely announcement, the UAE had cancelled your visa. They could turn a blind eye to your unconventional relationship when it was behind closed doors but with the public knowledge of a baby, and both men taking fathership status, they could no longer accept it. The options were to stay at home or go and risk deportation, or even being arrested for adultery. 
Neither seemed like fun. 
You placed a hand on the small bump that continued to swell more each night. Lando said she was the size of a bell pepper this week. That seemed to create more questions for you than a fruit should, especially since the bell peppers you had seen were the same size as an avocado but the bump was certainly bigger. 
“Just you and me, jellybean,” you murmured as the grid began to empty so the formation lap could begin. “Guess I should get used to this.”
Doctor Turner had advised against flying anywhere once you reached 8 months, but that would be right after Australia. You would definitely miss the Grand Prixs in Japan and China before she was born and then Miami and Imola after. All going to plan, your jellybean would make her first public appearance at Charles homerace. 
As you had found out in Vegas, the best laid plans meant nothing in reality and only time would reveal what would eventuate. For now, you were going to focus on watching the last race of the season and get ready to enjoy a peaceful winter with your family.
You cosied into the couch, bundled in the pillows as if they were the two bodies you had missed for days, and turned the volume up as the formation lap ended.
Lights out and away we go.
Click here for the next chapter.
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badbtssmut · 3 months
Note
no.6 classmate taehyung fucking reader when she is bending to look out of school window, no one is in class
He just pulls aside her panty and inserts his cock
“Ah!” You shuddered as you felt his cock slide into you. “Taehyung—“ You whimpered, gripping onto the window sill.
“I got you, baby girl. Just keep quiet and let me make you feel good. You want to feel good, don't you? My precious baby girl deserves to feel good, and only I can give it to her.” Taehyung cooed as he gripped onto your waist and slowly slid his length out before sliding it back into you.
“People are going to see us…” You moaned, your eyes scanning the football field of the university beneath you.
“They won’t.” Taehyung said with confidence as he slowly began to pump in and out of you. You moaned, gripping tighter onto the sill as you felt him fill you up so completely. The feeling of him moving in and out of you made you weak in the knees.
He kept his word and no one seemed to notice the two of you fucking by the window. Most of the students had already left.
Taehyung kissed your neck as his hands traveled to under your shirt, fondling your breasts and making you moan even louder.
“Mm, you feel so good, baby.” He complimented you, before he pulled you back, popping you onto the desk and moving between your legs as he fucked you harder, hitting deeper inside you.
You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him closer, wanting to feel more of him as he made you feel so good. His lips pressed against yours, muffling your moans. You whimpered, gripping tighter to him as you felt him hit a certain spot inside you, making your eyes roll back. You were getting close to your orgasm and your body was trembling in his grasp.
Taehyung groaned as he felt you clench around him. He broke the kiss, burying his face in your neck as he panted heavily, fucking you harder.
“A-ah!” You cried out as he made you come undone. Your walls clenched around his length, bringing him closer to his orgasm. He groaned, gripping tighter to you as his hips jerked and he spilled his load into you.
Some footsteps in the distance caught your attention, and Taehyung helped you get off the desk and fix your clothes just as the person got to the office door.
The person knocked on the door, and Taehyung opened the door, fixing his hair a little.
“I’m closing the building, will you guys take long?” The janitor asked.
“No, no, we just finished our project, we will leave now.” Taehyung answered.
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taviokapudding · 2 years
Text
It’s painful how much I want to die but can’t because I still have so many obligations and things I want to do but can’t because every day I run out of time and my nerve pain knocks me out to at least sleep 3 hrs
#mun post#I’m very tired & being told everything is my fault#when my mom & her dementia do things as I try to fix the last thing she did#and then my dad tells me to never complain about the constant nerve pain I’m in but he can talk about it all he wants#I literally have to hide in our bathroom or lock myself in my room to not make noise because idk if my mom will hurt me#‘why didthe you clean the glass?’ I did but everyday she threatens to hurt me so I#let her take it out on the window she already broke and then you get mad - dad - that I don’t have your food laundry or stuff organized#when you get home so I have to prioritize that over glass#‘stop letting your mom hide food’ how if in the 5 mins I load the washing machine she’s already destroyed the door frame and then attempts#to put all the clothes she thinks are mine#in my bed with knives and random food#I can’t cure her- nobody can god damnit - why blame me for everything#if you don’t love her or want out of this situation l e a v e#you get to go to work and get out of the house every day vs I am trapped in a perpendicular he#ll that never ends and only gets worse and nobody is taking dementia patients and we can’t even afford the neurologist like please#all I want so badly is just 24hrs to sleep without being stressed#the fact random noises make me jump awake at night because I think it’s my mom coming into my room to choke me in my sleep#at least when she was still mentally sound I could fight back the abuse and run away and not worry about our house catching on fire while#I was gone dad at least I could cry in my car without anybody noticing dad#now COVID is a smoke like airborne virus so I can’t even sit in my own car or hide at the local church or library to cry in their bathrooms#and feel safe somewhere dad I miss seeing the lake and walking outdoors alone dad#I miss being free to work I want a job but when I reveal I must woh nobody wants me I-#I can’t ben clean my room because idk if my mom will flood our bathrooms or destroy your clothes d a d fuck#at least understand I am trying and stop blaming me when I HAVE KEPT YOUR FREEDOM ALIVE D AD#I wish I hadn’t fell and torn my nerves#sometimes I wish I had died in that moment#I wouldn’t be here always in pain but having to pretend I am okay all the time#I’m not okay and I am so tired
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andvys · 5 months
Text
I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 21
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Warnings: none really, the tiniest amount of angst, mentions of insecurities and jealousy, allusions to an ED. Proofread but poorly, if you saw any mistakes... no you didn't
Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader , Eddie Munson x fem!reader
Summary: You and Eddie pay Steve and Robin a visit at Scoops Ahoy.
Word count: 5.3k+
A/N: @hellfire--cult I added the ice cream scene we talked about, I hope you like it hehe
series masterlist
-
Eddie is looking out the window, sipping on the coffee he just made. The rain paddles down the windows, thunder rumbling softly in the distance. The light summer storms had always been his favorite, for some reason it always gave him an odd sense of comfort.
He didn’t sleep last night. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the tears in your eyes, the ones that he had caused. He felt so guilty, he still feels guilty. He was scared, jealous and worried. The fear of losing you pushed him to behave so horribly towards you. The fear of losing you to him. Eddie had always wondered what would happen if you let Steve back into your life, it scared him because he knew, he knows that he holds nothing to Steve. 
He thought that it was already happening, that he was already losing you and it hurt. He got defensive and he hurt you without realizing it. 
The sound of footsteps pulls him out of his thoughts, he looks back, blood rushes to his cheeks and his eyes widen. He halts every movement, hand frozen mid air as he was just about to take another sip of the steaming hot coffee. 
He was just about to greet you with one of his cheeky smiles but, it’s not you who just walked down the stairs. It’s your mom – who he thought was already at work. 
Just like him, she halts in her tracks and looks at the metalhead in surprise. She is already in her scrubs, a bag thrown over her shoulder and a tired look on her face. 
If Eddie wasn’t in just his boxers and a shirt, he would’ve been less embarrassed. 
She chuckles when she notices how embarrassed he looks, she walks into the kitchen, shaking her head in amusement. 
“Good morning, Eddie.”
“M-Morning,” Eddie stammers, scratching the back of his neck, he places the mug on the kitchen counter. 
He feels awkward. It’s not the first time that he slept over but he usually never ran into your mom in the mornings.
“You’re up early,” she says, seemingly not surprised about your little slumber party. She reaches for her favorite mug in the cupboard, she turns around, glancing at Eddie, “couldn’t sleep?” 
He shakes his head at her, watching as she prepares her coffee. 
“The storm woke me up.”
She nods and furrows her brows as she takes a sip. 
“Are you kids doing anything fun today?” 
Eddie’s lips twitch. He is convinced that your mom will always call you ‘kids’. 
“Nah, I don’t think so,” he shrugs, “we might get some food at Benny’s later.”
“That’s nice, enjoy your last free day before tomorrow,” she says in amusement. Both you and Eddie are starting your full time jobs tomorrow. 
Eddie groans, closing his eyes for a moment. 
“From teenage hell to adult hell,” Eddie mumbles.
She laughs, shaking her head at him.
“Oh Eddie, it won’t be that bad, you’ve worked with cars before and you loved it every time, didn’t you?” 
“I mean, yeah.”
“See, it’s going to be fine. – Well, I’m going to my ‘adult hell’ now,” she jokes as she makes her way out of the kitchen but then halts in her tracks. Eddie straightens up when she turns around, now with a more serious look on her face. 
“Thank you, Eddie.”
He tilts his head, not quite understanding what she is thanking him for. 
She notices the confusion in his eyes. 
“I don’t know what would’ve happened if she didn’t have you – after her and Steve broke up, you know?” 
Eddie’s eyes soften. He nods his head slowly.
“You make her happy.” 
He looks down at his cup. He is happy to hear that, though the guilt from treating you so badly yesterday, still lingers deep inside. 
“O-Oh and Eddie, I really don’t want to have to tell you this but, please use protection, my daughter is too young to have a baby.” 
Eddie almost chokes on the sip of coffee he just swallowed. His eyes widen, his jaw drops and he stares at the awkward look on your mom’s face. 
“Ma’am! We are not – it’s not like that!” 
She raises her brows. Now, she is tilting her head at him. 
“It’s not.. Wait –” her eyes widen when she takes in the sight of his flustered face, “are you two not.. dating?” 
“Excuse me?” Eddie laughs, nervously. 
She is quiet, for the longest two minutes, she is quiet and stares at Eddie in genuine confusion. She seems to think over every moment she has seen you with Eddie. 
He would have laughed if he wasn’t so flustered. 
She shakes her head and mumbles some incoherent words under her breath. She clutches her purse tighter against her body. By the look on her face, Eddie already knows that you will be having an awkward conversation later with your mom. 
“Nevermind,” she laughs, waving at him, “I gotta go. Have a nice day.” 
She rushes out before he can even form a sentence. 
“You too,” Eddie mumbles. 
A sigh falls from his lips when he hears the front door shutting. His brows knit together and he just now notices that his heart is racing in his chest. All this time, your mom thought that you were dating. 
Should he be surprised? 
Most people think that about you two. Benny. The old couple that sat in the booth behind you the other day. Your boss at the record store, Dustin and Uncle Wayne. And now, your mom too. 
Why? 
Is it because a friendship between a male and a female is so unusual? 
Is it because you two are close? Closer than friends should be? 
Is it because of the way he looks at you?
“Good morning.”
Your voice pulls Eddie out of his thoughts, he looks up to find you standing in the doorway. A tired look on your face, lips puffy and hair falling down your shoulders messily, a big shirt hanging loosely on your frame. Fuck. You look cute. 
“Morning, sweetheart.”
You give him a small smile and make your way over to the coffee pot when you smell the freshly brewed coffee. 
“You made coffee? You’re the best, Ed’s,” you say with a tired and groggy voice. 
His heart skips a beat. It’s not the first time that he gets to see you like this. You have spent many mornings together, yet, something feels different. 
“I’m so glad you stayed over, last night. Slumber parties with you are always fun.”
“You just loved using me as your doll,” he jokes. 
You scrunch your face up, turning around to look at him. There are still a few braids in his hair, traces of the black eyeliner that you draw on his eyelids, he got a little too dramatic when soap got into his eyes after he tried to wash it off again. 
A giggle falls from your lips, “not like you didn’t like it,” you say into your cup as you take a sip. 
Eddie saw it, the cheeky smirk that crossed your face, only for a second, but he saw it. 
He would be lying if he said that he didn’t like it. 
Last night, he was scared that things would be awkward after the way he treated you all day. You had every right to be mad at him, to give him the cold shoulder but you didn’t. Instead, you hugged him, even kissed his cheek and apologized in case you did something that upset him, after all. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want you to apologize. You had no reason to apologize but somehow you completely dismissed it when he told you that. You ‘easily’ moved on from the cold shoulder he gave you all day, you took his hand and led him downstairs and pretended that everything was fine. 
You were desperate to keep the peace. 
That’s how it worked in your relationship with Steve. You wanted peace during war. The moment he laid down the invisible weapons he hurt you with, you were quick to jump into his arms, submitting to him without considering the other option – walk away and never look back, something that you should have done to protect yourself and your fragile heart. 
Eddie doesn’t want you to do the same you did with Steve. He doesn’t want you to submit just to keep the peace. You are allowed to be upset and to show him that. You have a voice, just like he does and he wants you to know that. 
That is something you still have to learn.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks, unable to hide the grin on his face. 
You shrug, biting your bottom lip, “nothing.”
You look at him from beneath your lashes, acting innocent, like you didn’t straddle his waist to draw the lines on his eyelids, last night.
“Are you planning to go home anytime soon?” 
“Are you trying to kick me out?” He chuckles. 
“Yes,” you joke as you make your way over to him, “of course not. I was thinking that we could just watch movies all day, maybe get some food later?”
You stop in front of him and he can’t help but stare at you. The way you clutch the mug to your chest, the way you stand there in the big shirt that definitely belongs to him – you must’ve stolen it after a sleepover at his place. You look at him with the cutest smile he had ever seen. Shit. 
He reaches for your hand, pulling you closer, instinctively. 
“I’d love to spend my last day of freedom with you,” he says dramatically. 
You roll your eyes, laughing. 
“Always so dramatic, Eddie. But, I’d love to spend my last day of freedom with you too.” 
“Perfect,” he smiles at you, “let’s start with breakfast.”
“Pancakes?” 
“Pancakes.” 
-
The new record store at the mall is smaller than the old one in town, it’s much more crowded and there is less space – much less space but for some reason, it appears cozier this way. The lights are dim, making the store much darker than all the other ones in the mall, string lights hang from the ceiling and posters of bands and singers decorate the gray walls. 
You’ve been stacking up records for the past few hours, desperately counting down the hours till lunch break. It’s not that you aren’t used to working but a full time job is definitely different from part time, after school a few days a week.
You are grateful for your boss though, a middle aged man – a retired ‘rockstar’ who had taken a great liking to Eddie, you’re not surprised. He is nice, very laid back and he allows you to choose the music that always plays in the background. You can wear whatever you want and don’t have to worry about any work uniforms. 
The bell above the door rings, you don’t turn around to see who it is, assuming that it’s another customer. 
“Excuse me, miss, you don’t happen to have the new Metallica album do you?” 
A smile tugs at your lips, you place the last record into the shelf before you turn around. 
“Miss, really?” You giggle. 
Eddie stands in front of you with a teasing grin. Hands behind his back, hair pulled into a low bun, a few strands falling out of the hair tie. He is wearing a red and black flannel, the sleeves bunched up at his elbows. Your eyes stop at his tattoos as always. You swallow. 
“Where’s your sexy work uniform?” You tease. 
Eddie chuckles, leaning against the counter, he eyes you, “I don’t have one yet – besides, they let me sit at the front desk, can you believe that?” 
“Wait what? You’re the hot secretary now?” You tease, walking towards him, “the wives better hide their husbands.” 
A laugh falls from his lips and he scrunches his face up in disgust, “you mean the grumpy mechanics who don’t let me do shit?” 
You frown. 
“Lee – I mean, Wayne’s friend, the dude who hired me wasn’t in today and the other’s apparently know my dad so, they weren’t exactly happy to see me there. They don’t trust me.”
Eddie doesn’t look sad about it, more so annoyed. 
You roll your eyes and scoff, “those stinky old assholes.”
He laughs, eyes lighting up in amusement. 
“Do you want me to kick their asses? Cause you know, I will.”
He takes your hand, pulling you towards him, “oh you will, huh? Gonna get into trouble for little old me?” He smirks. 
You nod, looking up at him through your lashes, “I will, yeah.”
“Lee will be back tomorrow, he’ll let me work.”
You nod. 
“Well, if they know your dad then they also gotta know that he was good with cars at least, right?” You ask, shrugging.
He nods, rolling his eyes, “yeah but, I don’t think they remember him for that. They just remember him for the shit he stole while he still worked there, oh and the money he took from the cash register.”
“The cash register at the front desk?”
“Yeah.”
“So… they do trust you, Eddie. Otherwise they wouldn’t trust you around the cash register if they thought that you’re anything like your dad – which, you could never be, by the way.” 
Eddie’s lips lift into a smile.
“You’re Wayne’s boy, they know that. Hell, even Steve’s dad called you Wayne’s boy.”
His eyes widen, “wait, he did?” 
“Yeah! When I was over for dinner at Steve’s place, you know, back in december?”
He nods.
“I told them about you and when I told them your name, his dad called you Wayne’s boy – he knew your dad too, by the way. He still called you Wayne’s boy.”
Eddie always thought that the Munson name was a curse. Most people know him as his father’s son – something he can’t stand. He doesn’t want to be like him, ever. People always hated him for things that he never did. Not only did they accuse him of things that his father did, they also made up stories about him, the rumors he heard about himself, made him physically sick sometimes.
If he wasn’t a satanist or a criminal, he was that ‘good for nothing Munson kid’. 
He had always worried about what people thought of him, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he always worried. Especially when it came to you but, you never made him feel like that, like he’s ‘good for nothing’. You made him feel like he is someone. Someone who matters, someone who can be more than just that Munson kid. Someone who is special. 
“You’re the best Munson – don’t tell Wayne I said that.” 
He chuckles at your words but looks down at you with softened eyes. Your opinion matters the most to him. 
“You are so hardworking, Eddie, always helping your uncle and doing everything you can to make the people around you happy. Taking me out and buying me stuff even though you don’t have to! Not that I don’t love the things you get me,” you gesture to the rings on your fingers, making him smile. “I guess, what I’m trying to say is, you’re amazing and you are good. You’re nothing like your dad.”
You always get to him like no one else can. Even with just a few simple words, you touch his soul in a way no one else ever did – no one else ever will. Not only do you give him comfort and reassurance without needing to, after all, you’re just friends, you don’t owe him reassurance but you do it naturally. 
“Shit, sweetheart, are you trying to make me cry on my lunch break?” He jokes. 
“Of course not.”
You smile up at him with big eyes, that alone, gives him that nervous tingle, again. 
You know that he still feels bad for how he treated you last Saturday. You don’t want him to. He apologized, he made you breakfast, took you to Family Video, bought you ice cream and apologized about ten times. You know that he regrets it. You know that it won’t happen again, that he won’t do it again. 
“No making out while you’re on the clock, young lady.”
You pull away from Eddie to look at your boss. He is holding a clipboard in his hands, his glasses low on the bridge of his nose, he looks at you with a straight face, though you can see the amusement in his eyes when he notices the panicked look on your face. 
“We’re not–”
“How’s it going, rockstar?” He asks, flashing Eddie a smile as he walks behind the counter, placing the clipboard down, he takes his glasses off. 
“Good, I’m just here to check out the new store,” Eddie says, lying. “Been meaning to buy the new Metallica album.”
“You ain’t fooling anyone, boy. You already bought it when we were still downtown.” 
Eddie chuckles, scratching the back of his neck, “ah shit, you got a good memory don’t you?”
Rufus crosses his arms over his chest, chuckling, “I do.” He looks at you, “do you wanna go on break now?”
“I’m not done with the records–”
“It’s fine, you finish that later, you’ve been stacking them up all morning, go eat something, kid.” 
“I won’t say no to do that,” you chuckle. 
You get your purse from the backroom and take off your name tag before you leave the store with Eddie. Even though it’s only 2pm, the mall is already crowded. 
“I’m so excited to see Steve and Robin in their uniforms.”
“Are you really ready to see them? I bet Steve is wearing booty shorts.” 
You giggle and step closer to Eddie when a group of boys walks past you. Eddie places his hand on your back when you press your side against his. 
“Do you wanna get some pizza first?”
“Uh no, I’ve been thinking about ice cream all day!” 
He looks down at you skeptically, “did you eat breakfast, at least?”
You give him an innocent smile, “yes?”
“Sweetheart,” he mumbles, his smile slipping. “You didn’t have any breakfast?”
“I had coffee.”
“That’s not breakfast!” 
“I wasn’t hungry – oh look, Scoops Ahoy!” 
He gives you a disapproving look and takes your hands in his before you can walk into the store, he turns you towards him. 
“We can go eat something first if you’re hungry,” you say. 
He smiles at you, shaking his head, “no, I’m not hungry, right now.”
“We can get takeout later?” You offer with a smile on your face, “you can pick where to go.”
“Nah, you can pick, sweetheart.”
You look into his brown eyes, you feel the warmth of his hand, he is looking at you, he is looking at you in a way that makes you feel seen. He had always looked at you that way, right from the start. You were unaware of the feeling that was going on inside of you, you were too focused on the pain. But now, now you feel. 
You squeeze his hand, his lips twitch, something else takes over his face, something that makes your heart race. 
Here you are, standing in the middle of the bustling mall, ignoring everything that is happening around you. 
You’re holding his hand, standing close, you’re looking at each other, you are looking into his eyes as he traces every inch of your face with his eyes. 
“Out of the way, lovebirds.”
You both furrow your brows and tear your eyes away from each other, looking down to find Erica Sinclair glaring at you with an ice cream cone in her hand, her friends standing behind her, with similar looks on their faces. 
“You are blocking the way!” She says, pointing her finger at you. 
“Hello to you too, baby Sinclair,” Eddie says, knowing that it will piss her off. 
She narrows her eyes at him, looking him up and down with a glare before she looks at you. 
“I’m sorry, Lady Applejack, didn’t mean to block your passage,” you chuckle. 
You and Eddie step out of the way, looking at each other in amusement when she glares at you both before walking away with her friends. 
“Such a mean girl.”
“Mean in a cool way,” Eddie says, chuckling. 
“Definitely,” you snort. 
You let go of his hand when you walk into the shop, you look around, a few tables are occupied but the shop is mostly empty. When you look over at the counter, you see him, Steve, who ‘subtly’ took his hat off and threw it on the ground the moment you walked in. 
You only see half of his outfit as he is still behind the counter, yet, you can’t help but giggle, not because of the shirt but because of the pink cheeks, he is embarrassed. 
Robin comes out of the backroom just as you walk up to the counter with Eddie by your side. 
She halts in her tracks.
Eddie stares at her and Steve with raised brows, taking in the sight of their uniforms. 
“Damn Buckley,” Eddie chuckles, looking her outfit up and down in amusement, “you ready to set sail?”
You giggle at the annoyed look on her face. 
“Has Ch– your crush seen you like this yet?” He teases her. 
“Who’s your crush?” Steve asks. 
“None of your business, Dingus,” she scoffs with flushed cheeks. 
“Steve, show me your whole outfit,” you giggle.
Steve sighs, hazel eyes filled with embarrassment as he walks around the counter. He rolls his eyes and runs his fingers through his hair again before he gestures to his whole outfit – the short shorts. 
“Ta da!” He mumbles, mockingly. 
Eddie snorts, “damn Harrington, turn around, show us the booty shorts from the back.”
“Dude,” Steve mumbles with a frown on his face, causing Eddie to laugh. 
“I don’t know, the shorts are kinda doing it for me.”
All three of them turn to look at you with surprised looks on their faces. Eddie’s brows are raised. Robin tilts her head at you and Steve looks flustered. 
You turn away from him with a giggle. Taking a step closer to the counter, you take a look at all the different ice cream flavors. You lick your lips, “so.. can I get some ice cream?”
Robin glances at Steve, who nods his head, “s-sure!” 
He walks around her, reaching for the scooper in his pocket, he flashes you a small smile, “so uh, what flavor do you want?” 
“Hmm, I don’t know, surprise me!” 
He smiles at you, loving the way your eyes are lit up as you look at all the flavors. You look happy again. He wondered how you felt after what happened with Eddie, he contemplated on giving you a call just to check on you but he didn’t want to cross any boundaries. 
He glances at Eddie, wondering how he is feeling after the way he behaved towards you. Steve always felt guilty, yet he kept repeating the same mistakes over and over again. He knows that Eddie won’t do the same thing he did, he saw the look in his eyes, the regret and the guilt when he finally realized how much he hurt you. Eddie would never do this to you again but neither would he – if he could turn back time, everything would be different. 
He hands you the ice cream cone. 
“U.S.S Butterscotch for the lady,” he grins. 
“Thanks sailor,” you giggle as you take the cone from his hand. 
“I’ll be right back,” you hear Robin say, stopping her conversation with Eddie, she goes back into the backroom.
“Oh, that’s good!”
Steve chuckles at the excited look in your eyes after trying the ice cream. 
“You like it?” Steve asks, smiling as he watches you eat. 
You nod, “mhmm, I’m gonna be here every lunch break.”
Steve’s eyes light up, this will be the highlight of every day here. Maybe, this job won’t suck after all. 
“Eddie, you need to try some of this!”
You turn to him, smiling happily. 
He chuckles, not at the excited look on your face but at the ice cream on the corner of your mouth. He doesn’t even think before he stretches his hand out to cup your cheek, using his thumb to get the ice cream off your lip. 
It’s something he had done before, hell, it’s something that you have done before. Yet, it feels different. His touch feels different. It makes your heart flutter. 
You stand frozen in place, staring at him wide eyed with a blush on your cheeks. You watch how he licks the ice cream off his thumb, humming at the taste of it. 
When he finally notices how you look at him, he grows flustered as well. His heart skips a beat when he sees how flustered you are but he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from you. He stares at you and you stare at him. 
And Steve looks between the two of you with an annoyed look on his face. He clenches his jaw and rolls his eyes. The bitter taste on his tongue almost becomes too overwhelming. 
He claps his hands together to pull you two out of whatever trance you are both in. He's annoyed and jealous.
You and Eddie flinch at the loud noise, you two blink, cheeks growing hotter. 
He clears his throat and you look down at the ice cream. 
“So, what do you want, Eddie?” Steve asks, giving him a fake smile as he points to all the ice cream flavors. 
Eddie’s heart is racing and he is far from feeling calm. The blush is clearly very visible on his cheeks, otherwise Steve wouldn’t stare at his cheeks that way. 
“Give me a few samples, man,” Eddie smirks. 
“Of course, the fucking samples,” Steve mumbles as he reaches for one of the sampling spoon. “Alright dude, what do you want?” He sighs. 
A smug look appears on Eddie’s face when he sees the annoyance in Steve’s eyes. 
“Let’s start with the boring ones,” he chuckles, “give me the strawberry one, please.”
Eddie tilts his head to the side, giving Steve a smile that makes you laugh. You lean against the counter and watch the two of them. How Steve scoops up some of the strawberry ice cream and hands Eddie the tiny spoon. 
“There you go,” Steve mumbles. 
“Thanks dude.”
You lick your ice cream, watching Eddie try the pink ice cream. 
Steve places both hands on his counter, rolling his eyes at Eddie before he looks at you. Watching you. 
The windows behind him slide open and Robin looks out, smirking at you. 
“You guys wanna know what Steve said to one of our customers earlier?” She asks, “or better yet, how he tried to flirt?”
You raise your brows. 
You aren’t surprised to hear that he is flirting with girls again, but the feeling inside of you is still an unpleasant one. You don’t want him. You really don’t want him anymore but you are not in control of your feelings. You can’t help but feel that sour taste on your tongue.
Steve groans, closing his eyes, he pinches the bridge of his nose. 
“Don’t. I wasn’t flirting!” 
He really wasn’t flirting, yet, he still glances at you, wanting to know how you react to the news of him ‘flirting’. You instantly break eye contact and look down. If he didn’t know any better, he would think that you are jealous. 
“Oh no no, do tell us what he said,” Eddie says, throwing the spoon into the little trash can, “give me the cinnamon one now.”
Steve sighs, “yeah yeah.”
“What did he say, Robin?” 
Steve looks back at Robin, shaking his head at her, mouthing, ‘please don’t.’
She just gives him another smug smile before she clears her throat. 
“Ahoy ladies! Would you like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with me? I’ll be your captain, I’m Steve H–”
“Robin!” Steve groans, turning around to glare at her after handing Eddie another sample.
You and Eddie burst into laughter, both at the deep voice she mocked and at the words that apparently spilled from his lips earlier. He reaches for one of the bananas on the counter, throwing it at her but she slides the windows shut again before it can hit her. 
“King Steve is Captain Steve now,” you giggle. 
He turns around, glaring at you with flushed cheeks. 
“Harrington, saying you will take them into an ocean of flavor is not the way.”
Steve clenches his jaw, glaring at the metalhead who leans down, placing his elbows on the counter. The smug look on his face, the smirk and amusement in his eyes is making him angry. 
“Now, can I try the… banana boat?” 
At his choice, Steve smirks and nods. He reaches for another spoon from the little bowl, scooping some of the ice cream on it, he holds it out to him but before Eddie can reach for the spoon, he puts it up to his mouth. Eddie frowns in confusion, he opens his mouth but before he can say anything, Steve sticks the spoon into his mouth, catching him off guard. 
“Is that enough flavor for you, Munson?” 
Your eyes widen and you raise your hand towards your lips, holding a giggle back at the shocked look on Eddie’s face. 
Eddie pulls back and throws the spoon away. 
“Nope,” he mumbles and turns away, walking out of the shop with a flustered look on his face. You watch him, you know that he won’t actually leave, but clearly he got embarrassed by this. 
Steve’s lips are pulled into a smirk. 
You turn back to him with raised brows. 
“I’m not taking flirting advice from someone that blushes when he gets fed. Jesus christ..”
“You should feed him more often,” you giggle. 
Steve crosses his arms over his chest, “he would fall in love with me, better not.”
You roll your eyes at him, “you wish.”
“Don’t get jealous now, I wonder what would happen if I fed him a chocolate covered banana.”
“Steve!” 
He laughs at the look on your face. 
“You’re a pervert,” you mumble.
“Yeah, you love me though.”
The moment those words leave his lips and he sees the stunned look on your face, he freezes and so do you. His eyes widen, a nervous laugh falls from his lips. 
Neither of you say anything, you just stare at each other, awkwardly. 
“Dingus! You need to bring in the shipment from outside!” Robin yells, opening the windows again. 
He closes his eyes and sighs, turning around with an angry look on his face. 
“Why can’t you do it?!”
“I’m weak!” She lies. 
“They’re not that heavy, they’re fucking sprinkles, Robin.”
She gives him a small smile, holding her hands up before she walks back. 
He sighs, “alright, I got it.”
“Yeah uh, I gotta go,” you mumble, looking down at your ice cream to avoid looking at him. 
“Okay uh – see you tomorrow?” 
You hear the hope in his voice and you see it in his eyes too when you lift your chin to look at him. 
“Y-Yeah.”
“Okay,” he smiles.
“Bye.”
“Bye y/n.”
You give him a small smile. A smile that is enough to make everything in him feel lighter, better, happier. His heart feels alive at every glance you give him, every smile you flash him is enough to heal his heart piece by piece. 
But every time you leave, the sadness creeps back in. 
You leave the store and look around for Eddie, a smile appears on your face when you spot him. You walk away, disappearing from his view. 
His shoulders slump and he blinks as he looks down, sighing. 
Steve knows that he might never get you back, not the way he has you, at least. But as long as you wear the locket around your neck, as long as you still smile at him, as long as you still appear in his life. 
There is still hope, right?
next chapter
-
tagging friends and mutuals
@hellfire--cult @taintedcigs @mysticmunson @littledemondani @wroteclassicaly @take-everything-you-can @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfirebunnyxx @succubusmunson @somethingvicked @nemesis729 @sherrylyn628 @chrissymjstan @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses
725 notes · View notes
miraclewoozi · 5 months
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DRIVE. - l.c
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DRIVE -- or, the night you realise it's actually very hard to stay mad at the guy who shows up at your house, throwing stones at your window on a Thursday night, to try and fix something that was your mistake in the first place.
pairing : chan x fem reader. content : fwb > lovers. angst, smut (MINORS DO NOT HAVE MY CONSENT TO INTERACT), fluff. more or less in that order. they’re both dumb as hell. not explicitly put in any detail but this was written with a more 70s vibe in mind so feel free to bear that in mind when thinking of the car/tech/styles etc if u like. w/c : 7.8k warnings : lots of swearing. it’s all a big fuckin misunderstanding because i am a whore for that. weed & alcohol mentioned (neither party is drunk or high at the time of this taking place). mentions of past cheating (neither mc or chan are the cheater). some pov switching because i said so. let me know if i've forgotten anything. proofread exactly once so if there's a typo, no there isn't. SMUT TAGS UTC.  notes : dino. get the fuck off my ass. i’m so serious i am not strong enough to handle the very real feelings i have for you. go away.  notes 2.0 : i listened to halsey’s drive for some inspo for this & took that as the title, so feel free to give it a listen if you want!
SMUT TAGS : dom!chan. car fuckin', making out, hair pulling, grinding/dry humping, fingering, finger sucking, dick riding, marking/scratching, unprotected sex (make good choices), overstimulation, multiple orgasms. praise. chan calls reader ‘baby’ & ‘sweetheart’. he’s a BIG talker during sex (sorry).
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You’re not stupid. You heard his car pull up outside your house almost an hour ago. 
Since then, at random intervals ranging anywhere between thirty seconds and five minutes, there have been clinks of a thrown stone at your bedroom window, a piece of the gravel that lines your driveway. Each time, it makes your jaw tense, makes your fingers tighten in the bedsheets you pulled all the way up to your chin in a foul mood at 8pm. It’s been the same now for almost two weeks — you’ve been getting home from work, showering the day away, eating your dinner and retiring to your room as early as you possibly can. Your roommate tried to find out what was wrong around day three but you very promptly shut her down — she’s since learned that the best she’s getting out of you currently is a dismissive wave of your hand or some kind of a grunt. She joked one evening that it was like she’d adopted a teenager; you scowled so violently that she went to her room. 
Hardly any of your other friends have seen anything of you, either, despite the fact that several have come knocking to check if you’re all right. 
You’re very much not all right, as it happens. This is perhaps the most upset you’ve ever felt, and that’s going quite some way. The angriest, too. It’s worse than when that middle aged woman threw her entire bucket of popcorn at your head when you gave her salty instead of sweet, and you were picking kernels out of your hair for the rest of your six hour shift. It’s worse than when your nasty supervisor ‘forgot’ you were in the bathroom and ended up locking you inside the cinema overnight, because you didn’t have your own set of keys to get out and the people whose numbers you remembered weren’t answering their phones. 
It’s somehow even worse than when a summer crush from a few years ago broke things off by telling you that he already had a girlfriend back home and that you were basically just a means to pass the time and get his dick wet. God, and you thought that was the lowest you could possibly be.
Here you are, though, so far beyond all those things it would be comical, if it didn’t hurt. Chan has really done a number on you, and you’re not sure how you ended up getting so emotionally involved in your situationship with him that this is what you’ve been reduced to. For days now, you’ve been swallowing back tears of frustration (both with yourself and with Chan), rolling around in your bed night on night, unable to get to sleep because all you can think about is him.
Him, and the way he sounded genuinely horrified when his friends asked about the ‘movie girl’, and he laughed, ‘God, no – we’re just friends. That’s never gonna happen’. It was impressive, how quickly your face fell, in no way aided by the squealing giggles that rang through the house as a very, very drunk girl came running out of the living room and shut herself in the toilet, drowning out a chunk of the conversation you were listening in on. Somehow, it hurt even more when he went on to say ‘besides, there’s… someone else’. 
And when you have managed to drift off after hours of staring at the walls and the ceiling, hearing those words on a loop on your fed up brain? Of course he’s been in your fucking dreams, too.
In your defence, all you were trying to do was use the mirror in the hallway outside the kitchen he and his friends were standing in, readjusting your top to cover the hickey that he had so kindly left on your collarbone just the night before. It wasn’t as though you sought him out to listen in; it was a coincidence. And okay, fine, maybe you should have walked away when the conversation turned to the topic of Chan’s love life. Maybe you should have not crept closer and held your breath to be able to hear them all better. Maybe, even, you should have stayed around long enough to ask what he meant by it then and there instead of hopping in a taxi and going home without saying goodbye to anyone. 
Hindsight really is a beautiful thing.
Never gonna happen. Well, Chan seemed quite happy to ignore the fact that it already had happened. Several times. At least four of those being in the very car currently on the street outside your home. The car he’s used on countless occasions to drive you up to lovers’ lookouts in the dead of night, letting one of his many mixtapes play through the tinny speakers, where he’d kiss you breathless and cradle your face between his palms, as his fingers would delicately explore beneath your clothes, as his broad shoulders would slot between your thighs, as his hips rol–
And maybe you aren’t stupid, but Chan seems determined to prove that he sure as hell is. He came to pick you up from work the day after the party like nothing had happened, and couldn’t figure out why you said you would rather walk home in the rain than get in with him and stormed away without any further explanation. Then, he showed up on your doorstep on the morning of your day off with your favourite coffee and a breakfast bagel, asking if you could talk. He still didn’t realise what he’d done to upset you, so you slammed the door in his face. Finally, just earlier today, he ran after you in the mall, persistent as you’ve ever known him to be, and laid a hand on your shoulder when you didn’t turn around to just the sound of his voice calling your name. 
You pushed him off so hard he almost fell over. 
“Why can’t you just leave me alone?!” You had barked, shrugging your shoulders to try and realign your jacket. “I don’t want to talk to you. What’s not clicking?”
His face resembled that of a scolded pet when he took a step back and frowned at you. “I just wanted to–”
“I don’t care what you want, Chan,” you spat. “Give it up. I’m done.”
You could see the desperation swimming in his eyes as he scrambled for what to say and your heart felt like it was being weighed down all the way into your stomach. You supposed that was the part of you that was causing all this ache in the first place, and further that it was to blame for your current state of misery. But you steeled yourself and stood your ground nonetheless. He wasn’t going to win you over with puppy eyes and a pout. Not this time.
In his silence, you only then noticed how hard your breaths were coming, each slow and long but still dangerously unsteady. You lowered your voice, top lip curling at him as you muttered, “You’re embarrassed of me enough to lie to your friends? Fine. I don’t give a–… but shit, next time, tell a girl that to her face instead of behind her fucking back.”
It’s been seven hours, and you keep replaying the last thing he said to you as you stormed away (how his voice got quieter when he realised you weren’t turning back; how he sounded so hoarse, so sorry). 
‘I’m sorry if I hurt you - I— I never meant to.’
If. If. If. Were you not making it completely fucking obvious that he had, most definitely, hurt you? Part of your brain is even now starting to go down the route that he’s doing this on purpose, that it’s some twisted sort of damage control, that he hopes maybe if he plays dumb for long enough, you’ll forget what you were mad about or maybe start to second guess what you heard. But if that’s what he thinks, he obviously doesn’t know you very well at all. That’s never going to happen. 
Hell, for someone you were being so careful to keep in the appropriate lane in your head, Chan really has you thinking yourself in circles. You’re sick to your back teeth of him, and his stupid voice and his stupid smile and his stupid –
Clink.
Stupid. Fucking. Stones.
A groan loud enough to definitely catch the attention of your roommate sounds from deep within your chest at this interruption to your spiral and you finally, finally concede. Whatever argument he’s so clearly longing to have at 11 o’clock on a Thursday night? Fine. He can have it. If it means he backs off for good, you’ll give him his one last ruck.
You pull the window open none too gently and lean enough through it that Chan comes into view. He isn’t even looking up, you realise, too busy sifting through the driveway trying to find his next little projectile, and you hiss his name to get his attention. It startles him so much that he drops the indiscernible bundle in his right hand. He blindly scrambles to pick it up, those big, earnest eyes gazing at you as if you’re floating in midair before him.
“What the hell are you doing?!” You ask him, trying not to raise your voice too loud but at the same time, needing to generate enough volume for him to hear. He holds the bundle in both hands, now, and they catch the light of the lamp by your front door. Flowers, you register, squinting to try and make them out, your brows furrowing so much that your forehead hurts. 
Black dahlias.
You choke back a laugh. Ah, the joys of fooling around with the son of a florist. Are they all so damn dramatic? (Or does he just know that they’re your favourites?)
Whichever it is, you tell yourself that’s not going to work. You won’t let it. Through gritted teeth, you say, “go away. I’m serious. I’ll call the cops on you.”
He shakes his head, begging as he steps just a little closer so his face is more visible in the amber light too. “Please–” he hurries, biting his bottom lip. “Please, don’t– just… tell me what I did. I want to make it right. Please.”
He never begs like this. In all the time you’ve known him, you swear Chan has said ‘please’ to you fewer times than you could count on your fingers. Which is by no means a bad thing — that’s just always been the very comfortable nature of your friendship, and later, the -with-benefits tag that you ended up sticking on the end. 
“Why are you doing this?” You ask, pinching the bridge of your nose and fighting not to shiver in the cold nighttime air. Note to self: don’t do a Romeo and Juliet in the middle of the fucking winter without layering up, first. “What does it even matter?”
“What do you mean, what does it matter?” He asks, looking down at the bunch of flowers in his hands, then back at you. “I-... you know I’d never hurt you. Not on purpose. Please, just… if I did something–”
“There’s someone else,” you echo, fed up with his pretending. He’s a fair actor, you’ll give him that – he might even have been able to convince you, if you hadn’t already heard the other half of this tale he’s doing his best to spin in his favour. 
His face screws up, thinking he’s misheard. It’s his turn not to understand now. If you’re telling him you’ve met someone else, he’s got questions, because you’d promised to be open and honest with each other if that ever happened, so that you could call things off and go back to being just friends without it becoming a big deal. That was always supposed to be a calm conversation, not… whatever this is. You talked about it, right at the start. But… those are the words you’re saying, aren’t they? And why would you be mad at him if you were the one whose circumstances had changed? 
“What?” he asks, finally. “What do you mean?”
“God, no – we’re just friends. That’s never gonna happen. Besides, there’s… someone else!” You raise your voice without really meaning to, before swallowing hard and glancing back inside your room. “You said that, Chan. Don’t piss me off by coming here and pretending like you didn’t.”
Chan starts to look like he’s trying to figure out an algebraic equation in his head while only having half the required information; his eyes fall down to the gravel, his lips move without any sound coming out of them, his features tighten until there are definite lines between his eyebrows. Then, it clicks. The lightbulb moment. He slaps one hand to his face and shakes his head furiously, and you just know he’s going to wake up with an ache in his neck tomorrow because of it.
“Oh fuck,” he curses. “No, no, no, no, no – that’s not–”
“What did I just say?” You spit down at him. “Don’t piss me off–”
“Listen!” He shouts, and you gesture with your hand for him to lower his voice, interrupting his flow of thought and rendering him silent for a moment. “Fuck, please. Come down here and talk to me. That’s not what you think it is.”
You’re in every mind to slam your window shut and leave him out there in the cold. It would work if you got out your headphones to drown out the sounds of him trying to get your attention, which you have absolutely no doubt in your mind that he would do. And maybe then he’d get the hint; maybe then he would understand that you’re not just some pushover who he can just pick up and play with when it suits him. 
But he’s still holding those fucking flowers like they’re a lifeline, still looking up at you without a single lick of anger on his face. Not stress at having been discovered, which you would have expected him to be swimming in right about now. He looks… kind of beside himself, as if nothing could possibly be worse than what you’re threatening to do.
All this, for you? It just doesn’t make sense. 
“Please,” he says again, quieter, weaker. For the first time, you pick up on the hint of a shiver in his voice, and you swallow. Whether you’re gulping back your pride, or your resolve, or the last remnants of your sensibility, you don’t know. 
Does he deserve for you to hear him out? You’re not sure.
But does he deserve to be stuck out in the cold in just his stupid leather jacket and a pair of jeans? 
With regret, you think, no. He doesn’t.
All you give him is a scowl before you disappear from view entirely, pulling the window closed and drawing your curtains again. Faster than you think you ever have before, you throw on a sweatshirt over your pyjamas, grab your keys, and hurry down the stairs as silently as you possibly can. 
He’s stood in exactly the same place when you edge outside and pull the door closed behind you. Up-close, you can see the tiredness on his face: this is a man who has exhausted himself in worry, you think, and yet he still smiles a little when he sees you in full. He still holds the flowers out for you to take. He still purses his lips and blows out a stuttered cloud of air. Nervous, and not in the way you think he ought to be. So when you walk straight past him and don’t take the dahlias out of his hands, instead standing by his car and waiting for him to unlock it for you, you start to feel overwhelmingly guilty. 
Chan is many, many… many things. But he really isn’t this good of a performer, no matter what you’ve been telling yourself all week. For God’s sake, why is it so much easier to be angry at him when he’s not standing right in front you?
You slip into his passenger side as he fumbles to set the flowers down on his backseat again, and he joins you up front just a few moments later. His hands are shaking when he sets the keys into the ignition. His whole body is. When you cast a real look over at him, the tips of his fingers are pale and his lips are lacking their usual rosy, pink hue. Your own teeth are chattering despite only having been truly exposed to the cold air for a matter of seconds; you dread to think how frozen he must be.
“Are we driving?” You ask to break the silence. Since he got into the car and fiddled with the heating settings to try and warm things up a little, he hasn’t said a word. It’s awkward. It’s horrible. You already miss the comfortable way you’ve been able to sit for hours together, barely talking, just watching the lights of the city and the cars travelling through it. 
You already miss him. Which is a strange thought, seeing as he’s only about ten inches away. 
“If– if you want,” he says, stuttering through the frost in his lungs. “We can go—...”
“Drive, Chan,” you say. It’s not just because you want him to stop falling over his words – which, to be fair, you do. Chan has always been very confident, carrying himself with the air of someone who knows exactly their worth. It’s one of the things you treasure about him. So this? Is fucking weird. But a big part of it is that you know his car will heat up faster if it’s in motion, and right now, you think maybe he’s at risk of losing a finger or two if he doesn’t get some circulation back.
He steps on the gas and the car pulls away from your home. It’s the first time you’ve ever been in his car without there being some sort of music playing, whether that’s historically just been the radio or a tape he put together with the help of one of his older friends. (The tapes that always had your first initial on them. The tapes that he never failed to ask your opinions on when he dropped you home – as if he’d compiled them with only you in mind.) The silence feels jarring and you can hear every rumble of the engine, every squeal of the brakes he definitely needs to get serviced. 
But the car does warm through, and you sigh out relief as the bones in your hands move a little easier, as your fingers curl and uncurl to less resistance from your taut muscles. Chan feels it, too; his body relaxes, his breaths stop coming out in fractions, his face gets some colour back. The timing feels a little less awful when you finally say, “go on, then.”
Chan glances over at you as he drives down an unlit street. Only for a second, like he’s checking you’re still there, before his eyes train back on the road. He’s going to one of your favourite spots. It isn’t a lookout – it’s somewhere completely shut off from the rest of town, hidden by the trees near the railway tracks, somewhere you’ve never had to worry about being seen or heard. Maybe he’s anticipating a screaming match. Maybe he’s expecting something else. Maybe, even, he just cares about how much you love it there. 
“I didn’t know you heard that conversation,” he starts, sheepishly. You want to roll your eyes, reach over and thump him, ask if that makes what he said okay, but you don’t. You stay looking out the front windscreen too. Waiting. “I… all right. I was out of my ass drunk.”
You click your tongue, pressing it afterwards against the inside of your cheek, but again, you stay quiet.
“I don’t think you heard what you thought you heard, though,” he goes on to say. “‘Cause– ‘cause it wasn’t…”
But you can only be quiet for so long in the face of this mess. Especially when he’s apparently working towards a doctorate in beating around the fucking bush. “I heard you tell your friends that it was never gonna happen with ‘movie girl’.”
Chan’s face brightens, and you can’t help but wonder what on Earth is wrong with this man. Why does he find that funny? Why is his chest moving like he’s trying not to laugh?
“And you… thought you were movie girl,” he says, nodding. “Okay. Okay – shit. I’m sorry.”
You look at him properly, now, as he indicates to the right and takes the turn that leads him down the lane to your spot. “What are you talking about?”
“I get it,” he says. “You work at the–... but you’re not movie girl. Not that movie girl.”
“Stop talking in riddles before I get out of this car, Chan. It’s too late for this shit.”
He holds a hand up as if to apologise and settles back against the head cushion, suddenly looking far more comfortable than he did thirty seconds ago. He clears his throat, running his tongue over his lips, before sucking in a breath and letting himself go on.
“You’re not movie girl,” he says again, successfully clarifying nothing. “There’s this chick I used to dance with — years back, before… God, when we were in school, like, forever ago. She moved away when we were sixteen.” As he talks, he reaches your destination and sets the car into park, before he unfastens his seatbelt and turns to face you. You do the same, shifting your weight to tuck one leg up beneath you, and with your undivided attention, he goes on. “I ran into her recently. She’s back in town now, I guess. It was like, two weeks—?”
“I’m gonna be all-over grey by the time you finish telling this story,” you interrupt, raising an eyebrow. “Can you please give me the short version?”
“Not if you want it to make sense,” Chan shrugs. Begrudgingly, you let him keep talking. “She said it would be cool to hang out, maybe catch a movie or do lunch or something — and look, I didn’t know she was asking me on a date, I thought she was just being nice, y’know? Trying to be friends, but… you weren’t working that day, it was when you had that… that stomach thing going on? And I brought you the soup my mom made, remember?”
You nod; of course you remember. At the time, you wondered why on Earth this grown man’s mother was making you food — you asked yourself whether he’d told her about you, or if she thought it was for someone else. In the end you decided he must have just been bringing you leftovers. But you’d been too worn out to start asking questions; instead, after you’d eaten, you let yourself fall asleep with your head in his lap as he patted your hair and hummed his favourite songs. You hadn’t let yourself think too deeply about it since. 
“Anyway. We were sat watching the movie and she, uh,” he glances down at his lap, tips of his ears burning pink. “She put her hand, sorta, on my thigh? And then I was like, shit, I didn’t read this right, like… at all. So I moved it off and she took the hint — and after it ended I said to her, you know, I was flattered, right? But I wasn’t interested. And then I went home and got that soup and—… yeah.”
He came straight to see you. To look after you. Hell, you didn’t even fool around that night; in retrospect, it was all uncharacteristically domestic. And slowly, the pieces you’ve spent days struggling to fit together start to fall into place. It makes sense. The only question that remains is do you believe him?
Well, tell a lie. 
There is one more. 
“You said there was someone else,” you add quietly. 
You’ll die before you admit it, but this is secretly the part that was hurting you the most. 
You can’t even look him in the eye, right now; your cheeks are burning with the embarrassment of even caring. As much as you want to tell yourself that the only reason you’re pissed is just because of the dishonesty, you can only stare at yourself in the mirror and point-blank lie so many times. Someone else. You hate it. 
Just the thought of him seeing somebody else, taking them out on dates, smiling at them, laughing with them, kissing them the way he kisses you, touching —
A shiver runs the length of you and you cross your arms, thrusting your sleeve-covered hands under your armpits. 
Chan takes a deep breath in and exhales it slowly, like he’s blowing smoke out of his lungs. “There is,” he admits, nodding slowly, avoiding your eyes, too. “There is someone else.”
“When were you going to tell me?” You ask. 
Chan doesn’t respond straight away. You don’t notice, but eventually his eyes do land back at you; it’s only when he clears his throat to get your attention that you look at him long enough to realise he’s quite deliberately staring. His lips are lifted on the right in a lopsided smile, his eyes soft as he reaches across the seats towards you. You stare blankly down at his hand until he wiggles his fingers, and you think briefly that this is the most fucked up ending to a situationship you’ve ever been through. 
You drop one of your hands down and let him hold it, though, staring at his face as his thumb brushes over your knuckles and you wait for him to finally say it out loud. For him to announce that he’s fallen for somebody and that he can’t see you anymore. To put the nail in the coffin. Don’t tell me their name, you think. I don’t want to know anything about them. Please, just don’t.
“For someone so frustratingly smart, you’re really fucking dumb,” Chan says, finally, swallowing around his words and squeezing your fingers. Whatever stoic expression you had forced onto your face at the start of this conversation dissolves into irritation and you snatch your hand away from him again, letting his own fall and collide with a thunk against the handbrake. 
“Oh, sorry that I didn’t realise you were sneaking around behind my back when that’s the one thing we promised we wouldn’t do,” you snap. “God. The only stupid thing I’ve done here is get involved with you in the f—”
“You’re the someone else.”
Oh. 
Oh.
“I’m—?”
“You.”
The admission hangs heavily between you, as does your nonsense, unfinished insult. Neither of you really know what to do with yourselves except sit perfectly still and try to somehow deal with your increasingly dry throats. When Chan moves, it’s only to turn down the heating dial when his cheeks burn a bit too hot; you appreciate it, in part due to the bead of sweat currently running down your back, but you don’t say so. 
“You could have started with that,” you say weakly, wrestling with all your strength to keep even some of your cards close to your chest. It’s not working though. Your attempt to conceal your elation is a bit like throwing a single leaf on top of a bison and calling it camouflage. 
Chan commits to laughing, finally, your sentiment breaking him too. Now, you do crack that smile, albeit mostly just at the sound that comes from him. It’s bright and airy, lighting his whole face up as he drops all the way back and leans against his car door, pushing his fingers through his hair. “I was trying to build to a moment! It’s not my fault you hit every branch of the anti-romantic tree on your way down.”
“I am not anti-romantic,” you scoff in protest. 
“Yes — you are.”
“Am not!”
“Are too.”
“No, you’re just an idiot.”
“Says she who didn’t realise her fuck-buddy had feelings for about six months, Jesus.”
“Chan—” You start, your voice laced with a playful warning. 
“Here I was thinking I was making it completely obvious,” he rambles on. 
“— oh my God, just shut up and kiss me.”
“Dropping hints left and r—” … “Huh?”
He stops short a fraction of a second after you finish, stumped and silent, frozen with everything but a little buffering symbol above his forehead. Kiss me, you said. Chan, […] just shut up and kiss me. All right, you’ve asked him to do that before, but not like this. Not as if you’ll wither away should you not get a taste of his lips this instant. It takes him some time to process it, but he does move in first, eventually. The way he always does, closing the distance between you like he’s been shot out of a cannon, one hand either side of your face, crashing feverishly against your mouth. 
Every now and again, he’ll be happy to let you take charge and set the pace: mostly just if he’s feeling lazy or especially generous. Tonight isn’t one of those times, however. He holds you and kisses you possessively, like you’re his, like this is how he finally gets to lay claim on you, licking between your gasp-parted lips after he moans straight into your mouth. He’s spearmint sweet, edged with that one cherry flavoured chapstick he stockpiles as he grins up against you, rolling his body fluidly with every separation for air, every changing angle. 
He pulls your sweatshirt up over your head and throws it down into the footwell on the passenger side, straight away hurrying to kiss you hungrily again, hands cupping your neck. His tongue is in your mouth once more, there’s no way you could possibly differentiate your breaths from his: you’re one, in every way you can be with your clothes still on, but it’s not enough. 
“Want you,” you whimper as he nips at your bottom lip and pleasure rushes through you from head to toe. 
“You’ve got me,” he groans with his eyes still closed. “I’m all yours.” 
“No,” you insist, whimpering when his cute little nose drags across your cheek until he’s pressing hot kisses to your jawline. “I— fuck—”  He suckles on the sweet spot below your ear and your spine tingles, head tilting to give him better access. “Chan, I want you.”
Chan settles back from you, his usually bright, sparkling eyes now darkened with desire. All he gives you is a singular glance sideways, but you know exactly what he’s suggesting. You nod, breathing deep, biting the inside of your cheek; he turns off the headlights and it’s all systems go. 
There’s a rush to scramble into the back of the car. Chan takes the keys out the ignition and climbs through the gap in the seats; you opt for the less hazardous approach of getting out of the vehicle entirely and re-entering it instead. Not that it bothers him — no sooner is the door closed behind you, Chan’s hands are on your hips and he pulls you on top of him, your leg knocking the dahlias off the leather and onto the floor in the process. You gasp and glance down but he averts your attention with two fingers under your chin, guiding you to look back at him. 
“What? You think this is the last time I’ll bring you flowers?” He asks, capturing your lips as he leans up to you; at the same time, his hands drop low and he starts to slide open the buttons down the front of your pyjama shirt. “Baby, m’gonna get you so many more.” 
You sigh at the affectionate name, at the change in its use; until now, Chan has only called you baby while he’s buried inside you, bruising you inside and out with sharp thrusts and rough-gripping fingers. But as much as you can feel him growing hard against the inside of your thigh while you try to get comfortable, one knee planted either side of his hips, you can’t help but feel as if this time, it means something different. 
(He’s had feelings for six months: it always meant what it does, now. You know that, deep down.)
Somewhere in amongst the never-ending sloppy kisses and constantly travelling hands, you manage to strip both his jacket and T-shirt off him and you’re pressed bare-chest-to-bare-chest with Chan, feeling every little hitch of his breath in his lungs, every thump of his heartbeat, every tiny increase in the temperature of his skin. Your desperate search for friction between your legs has you rolling your hips down against his hard-on, drawing grunts and making him squeeze at your tits when you rock against him the right way. His head eventually drops to your chest and he replaces one hand with his mouth, freeing his fingers to slide down the front of your pyjama bottoms. 
It’s honestly rarer for Chan to get straight to the point than it is for him to tease you a little first, so when he flattens his palm against you and brushes his fingertips over your already aching clit, you let out a squeak of surprise. He shivers, releasing your nipple from between his teeth for a moment; once he’s collected a little more arousal to ease the friction, he continues to rub at the bud, slowly building the pressure inside you.
“No panties?” He asks, struggle clear in the roughness of his voice. 
“I was in bed,” you gasp, eyes rolling back. It’s for the best that it happens out of pleasure, really, because you’re not sure you’d be able to stop yourself rolling them in exasperation at his remark otherwise. You shuffle a little, lifting yourself up on your knees more, breath hitching when he uses the newly granted space to dip his hand lower and press a finger against your hole. “Please, Chan — this can’t be comfy— just…”
“S’fine” he argues, shaking his head, despite the fact that the angle of his wrist is actually kind of painful, right now. The truth is that he can’t bring himself to care: not when he can smell your fabric softener on the shirt still hanging off your shoulders, the shampoo in your freshly washed hair, all so pretty mixed with the damp scent of your desire. Not when you clench around him as he slides his finger in and out of your cunt. Not when he could get you to soak all the way through these pretty satin pants. 
Your arms snake around his neck as he dips a second finger inside you to join the first. The way your thighs tighten around his hips could — should — be embarrassing, the fact his sturdy lap holds you open enough for your pussy to be toyed with even more so. You almost always do this too music, too — for what might be the first time ever, you can hear every single wet sound your body makes, every hitch of your own breath, every grunt he gives even though he’s not the one being pleasured. 
You don’t even realise how you’re rocking up and down against his hand until Chan licks from the base of your neck to your jaw, smirking over your pulse point and says, “gonna ride my cock this good too, baby?”
And if it was anyone else talking to you like this, you would be embarrassed. Mortified, at being so needy you’re here doing all the work for him. At the cry you give as he splits and scissors his fingers to stretch you out. But instead? You feel another rush of arousal drool out of you as you press your nails into his shoulders and nod, bouncing harder and watching how his bicep tenses up solid with the effort of keeping his arm steady for you to use. 
“Wanna,” you gasp. “Want it so bad, Chan—”
Despite your pleas for this to move further, when his hand pulls back out of the elastic of your waistband, you feel like you could throttle him. The urge ebbs away when his soaked fingers press to your lips and he quirks an eyebrow at you, though — you end up suckling them clean, licking up every trace of your own slick. You lock eyes with him as you do, slumping on your thighs so your drenched core sits right over his tweaking length, the seam of your pants giving just enough friction to your clit for it to feel good as you grind down on him again. 
“Get those off,” he instructs, trying to sound hard and dominant. Which would work, perhaps, if his voice didn’t crack in the middle of the sentence. “Now.”
Even though you’re overcome with a need to tease him, the desire you have to be split open on his length outweighs it, so you do as you’re told and hold it in for later. It’s not easy, but you manage to manipulate yourself in his lap to work the satin down your thighs and past your knees. He helps you tug them the rest of the way past your ankles and feet, shoves them onto the floor — Chan’s hands settle back on your hips and yours skim down his stomach at the same time, fingers grazing over the little hairs that trail from his bellybutton down into his jeans. 
“Can I?” You ask, playing already with his belt buckle. 
He hums assent and you slip it all the way open, tugging as he moves his hips underneath you so you can pull it free from the loops. Between you, you manage to get his jeans unfastened, to pull both them and his boxer shorts down over his ass and to his knees; finally, fucking finally, his cock sits pretty and leaking and free between your stomach and his. It’s getting cold in the car now the heating isn’t on, but you’re already burning up in anticipation for him to ruin you; the way his abs ripple as he takes his shaft into his hand and strokes himself a couple of times to prepare tells you he’s in the same boat. 
It’s like clockwork, from here. You shift into position as easily as you settle into bed after a long day. Chan rubs his tip through your folds, feels the warmth of you and hisses through his teeth with fluttering eyes. Just like always. This never changes. He can’t ever get enough of that first feeling of his cock against your pussy: it’s like the first hit of a blunt, like the first sip of a cold beer, the first full-body stretch early in the morning. He’s sure it’s what arriving at the gates of heaven must feel like. 
You sink down onto him slowly, fluttering around his tip and stilling to give you both a moment to get used to the feeling. He’s thick inside you. Thicker than his pretty, dainty fingers have ever been able to stretch you enough for. Even as wet as you are, you still need to suck a deep breath into your lungs before you can relax your hips further and let your heat swallow him all the way to his base. 
Chan’s head is tipped back in pleasure, he’s biting his lip at the sting of your nails pressing hard into the back of his neck. He loves it, though — loves how the pain shoots in waves down his spine, how it tingles in his brain, how he knows you need to anchor yourself this way or you’ll lose control. He kneads at your ass as you sit against his thighs, listening to you whimpering at how deep he is inside you.
“So fucking tight around me still,” Chan groans, focusing all his willpower into keeping his hips down on the leather beneath him. “Shit, baby — you feel so good…” His neck softens and his head drops forward again as you start to move, rising and falling over and over. He kisses your throat and down to your collarbones while you work up to a rhythm, sliding his palms up your back, hugging you close to him. 
He isn’t even the one putting in the hard work, but within minutes of this, his soft, fluffy hair clings to his forehead. A light sheen of sweat makes him radiant under the moonlight breaking through the trees. He’s breathing heavily, the top of his toned chest painted a soft pink — you don’t think he could possibly look prettier. Not until he cups your jaw with his hands and you look upwards: you land on his smiling face, those plush, swollen lips, his devilish but sweetly glittering eyes. The sight of him, looking at you like you’re some kind of Goddess, makes your pussy tighten and your tiring hips stutter. You slip your pyjama top all the way off your arms and curl your fingers into his hair, meeting him in an open-mouthed kiss, through which you’re both just beaming. 
You’ve never kissed him this much. When it all started out, you sort of had a rule against it, but now? Neither of you can stop. As he starts to fuck up into you, taking the reins and letting your burning thighs rest, he keeps your face steady with his hands and freely allows his lips to slide against yours. It’s not refined. It can’t be. Not with how hard and fast his movements quickly become, not with the onslaught of curses and moans and babbled praise coming from the both of you. One particularly sharp thrust makes you yelp out a squeak of his name and he just swallows it down, making a point to keep aiming for— and hitting— that same spot inside you. You’re a mess. 
He could do this all night. When your orgasm bubbles inside you and he starts pinching at one of your nipples, sending you over the edge, he’s nowhere near finished. Even though your cunt massages at his length, throbbing and pulsing through your climax; even though your voice is so high by now that only dogs can hear you; even though you nearly collapse on top of him with almost all your weight in his lap, and he has to work twice as hard to keep this going, he barely slows. He definitely doesn’t stop. 
“You can gimme one more, right sweetheart?” He asks, grunting into your neck. “Always feels so fucking good when you come.” You choke up an ‘mhm’, to which he responds by slipping a hand between your bodies and down to where you’re connected. His thumb presses against your clit again — not moving, just applying enough pressure to make you stutter when you say his name. 
Your thighs are still twitching when you try to lift yourself a little, try to meet his movements as he chases his orgasm too. The “problem” with Chan is that his stamina is otherworldly. You couldn’t keep up if you wanted to. 
“Relax,” he says, tensing his jaw, doing the opposite himself. “Fuck — lie down.”
It’s pretty cramped and hard to move, but you lift yourself off him and only slightly lament at the sudden emptiness between your legs. There isn’t time to get too upset, however: moments after you get comfortable on your back, Chan shoves his jeans the rest of the way down and stands with one knee planted on the seats, lifting one of your ankles up to rest it on his shoulder. He slips back inside you easily then, gripping around your calf to keep you both steady. From the word go, his pace is relentless. You scrabble around for something to hold onto but the entire car seems to melt away; you ball your hands into fists at your sides instead, your eyes squeezed tightly shut. 
“Mm-mm. Look at me,” Chan hums, tightening his grip on your leg. “Wanna see those pretty eyes.” 
You obey, opening your lids to look up at him while he pounds into you hard enough to make the car shake. Over, and over, and over, and over. Rougher. Faster. For how long? Who even knows. All you’re truly aware of is how good it feels. How the windows grow foggy with the  steam of your laboured breaths. How his sweat mingles with your own. 
When his fingers on the other hand get reacquainted with your clit, when he bites down on his bottom lip, when his thrusts start to get messier and more erratic and the veins in his arms start to bulge out, you know he’s getting close. He doesn’t need to tell you out loud. The smirk he wears speaks for itself. 
“Where d’you want it, baby?” He asks you, pressing a kiss to the inside of your ankle. 
“In— mmh, in-…side me—” you stammer, hips jolting as you near your second orgasm to match his first. “Please, Chan — want it all…”
“Yeah?” 
“Yeah—”
Well, he must’ve been holding himself back something spectacular, because a few thrusts later you watch all of his muscles contract as he tips over the edge, and you go hurtling with him. It’s all so much. All your nerve endings feel like they’re on fire and your vision starts to blur at the edges; it’s not long before you have to close your eyes to shut one of your overworked senses out, completely. Your muscles are sore. Your throat hurts. Even your lungs ache. 
God, he hasn’t gone that hard in so long, you don’t know what to do with yourself. You can barely speak — it’s going to take you a week to recover from this, minimum. 
He stills deep inside you, feeling his cock throb with the last pumps of his release. Your leg slips off his shoulder and your foot lands down with a thud onto the car’s (thankfully clean) floor; he bends forward to kiss you, still breathing heavily against your lips. You’ve come over completely boneless and reaching up to thread your fingers into his hair again feels like running a marathon at sprint pace. You’d fall asleep right here, right now, if you could, but with sweat cooling rapidly against your skin, you know that’s probably not up there as one of your finest ideas. 
“You really think getting involved with me was stupid?” Chan asks, nudging your nose with the tip of his own. He’s never been less serious than this in his entire life, which stops you feeling too bad when you lightly slap at his rock solid chest and try to push him off you.
“Yes,” you lie, attempting to reach to the ground for your pyjama shirt while he grips your chin and attacks you with tiny little pecks all over your face. “Stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”
(Chan chuckles to himself and thinks that he’s quite happy to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, really. He can stay that way, as long as you promise never to stop.)
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thank you so much for reading. i hope you enjoyed it - likes, feedback, comments, reblogs are all so appreciated.<3
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on-my-vigilante-sht · 11 months
Text
Sorry to Meet You
Carlisle Cullen x Reader
Summary: The moral dilemma of the patriarch of the Cullen clan finally meeting his mate after 350 years. 
Warnings: Angst, death, blood, accident, surgery, not beta’d, turning, grief
Word Count: 5.8k (sorry, I got a little carried away and I’m getting used to writing one shots again)
Masterlist
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I rounded the corner within the halls of my father’s hospital, heading towards his oh so familiar office. I  had spent a good portion of my childhood playing in the office halls of the hospital so as to not get in the way of an emergency. Every take your child to work day, every early dismissal, random day off from school, and every weekend he had to work and couldn’t find someone to watch me, he brought me here up until I was about 12.
Now I was in college, studying biology as a pre-med student at Johns Hopkins University. But today I was returning to Forks for my summer vacation in between my freshman and sophomore year. He was supposed to pick me up from the airport tomorrow but I had wanted to surprise him at work so I left a day early.
Reaching the door to his office, I entered. Embarrassingly, I had been so eager I hadn’t even checked if he was busy. As the door swung open I was met with the golden hair and eyes of the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. Given his youth I assumed he was a student or a resident but one look at his badge told me he was an attending.
“Y/N? What are you doing here?” my father’s voice broke me from my trance.
“Hi!” I smiled at my father, ripping myself from the mystery man’s enchanting gaze. “I wanted to surprise you,” I explained, returning his hug. “I was so excited I didn’t even consider that you were busy. Sorry,” I apologized to both men.
“Don’t be,” the blond said in an almost melodic voice. “Trust me I understand the importance of family.”
“Yeah Dr. Cullen’s kids are here all the time,” my father laughed.
‘This guy has kids?’ I thought. ‘Plural? He looks no older than 25.’
Seemingly reading the confusion on my face he explained. “Adopted kids. My sister and I were foster kids so we always agreed we’d adopt as many as possible. So far we’ve adopted five teenagers, hoping to give them a new shot at life.”
“Wow,” was all I said, unsure of how to react. ‘Well this guy was definitely out,’ I noted to myself. ‘Not only is he your father’s colleague, he had five teenagers.’ “Well I should let you get back to it,” I said shyly, already backing out of my father’s office, embarrassed. “I’ll be at the house and we’ll get dinner after?” I suggested to my father.
“Sounds good. See you later sweetie,” he called after me.
~
Carlisle tried his hardest to focus on Dr. L/N’s words but he couldn’t, he was so focused on his colleague’s daughter. When she entered the office he had sucked in a breath he didn’t need. He had heard that some mate connections hit you like a brick but he hadn’t seen it with anyone except presumably between Rosalie and Emmett when she demanded he save him.
So as soon as he was done with his meeting he hopped into his Mercedes and headed towards Dr. L/N’s house. Once he reached it he found no cars in the driveway or any indication that there had been a car there recently, only wet footprints leading up to the porch and inside the door, presumably from Y/N getting out of a cab.
Continuing past the house he parked about half a mile away before running back to the house, a feat that only took him a couple seconds.
Taking a page from Edward’s book he began creeping along the side of the house, trying to spot Y/N through a window. But when he couldn’t find her he was forced to climb up some trees until he found her in what was presumably her bedroom, unpacking a suitcase full of clothes.
He watched, admiring the girl as she sorted through the clothes, tossing some in the laundry bin and others in piles to be sorted in the closet. He realized that he could watch her all day, admiring the quirks of her expression as she reacted to different situations. He hadn’t understood the other Cullens’ obsessions with each other until now.
He continued to watch for hours. His eyes sometimes drifting to the delicate curves of her body but always scolding himself for thinking of her like that given that she didn’t even really know him. But a small part of his mind whispered that she’d be his one day.
He only left when he heard her father’s car approaching, swearing to come back to learn more about her so he could strike up a conversation about her favorite things the next time they “accidentally” ran into each other.
~
The next time I visited the hospital wasn’t just to visit my father, it was because I had managed to slip in a puddle, earning myself a gash on the forehead.
I was sat in the waiting room going on two hours with a blood soaked rag pressed to my forehead. I truly didn’t mind waiting seeing as I knew there were far more injured people getting treated. But as I continued to wait I started to get more and more light headed. I began to make my way to the desk in hopes they could give me some answers when I got a head rush, stumbling into a very cold, hard chest.
“Y/N?” I heard the melodic voice again. This time dripping with concern. “What happened?”
“Oh nothing,” I dismissed, reluctantly pulling away from the grasp he had on my arms. “Just slipped in a puddle and my head kind of ate it,” I chuckled.
“How long have you been here?” he asked, more concern ebbing into his voice.
“I don’t know about two hours?” I shrugged, trying to not make a big deal of it. “Please don’t tell my dad, he’ll just get all concerned and angry and wonder why I wasn’t immediately treated.”
Inside, Carlisle was already feeling all those things I just described. “Well you shouldn’t have to sit there for two hours, bleeding out of your head. You should’ve been brought for a CT. C’mon, can’t have Dr. L/N’s daughter bleeding out in the waiting room.”
I smiled shyly as I felt his strong, cold hand be gently placed on my lower back as he guided me towards an exam room.
~
All throughout the exam Carlisle had to hold his breath. He has excellent control, it’s what many believe to be his special ability and it allows him to do what he loves but Y/N’s blood? The faintest smell alone made venom flood his mouth. And the blood soaked rag along with the fact that he had to bandage up her forehead didn’t help.
“Okay, that should do it,” he smiled, thankfully pulling back from his mate as he finished taping a bandage onto her head. “You’ll have to keep it bandaged for a couple days but your father should be able to help with that. And you most likely won’t scar.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks Dr. Cullen. I owe you one.”
He shook his head, breathing a laugh as he looked down at the girl’s chart. “Please, I’m happy to do it. And you can call me Carlisle.”
“Carlisle,” she repeated, nearly melting the vampire right there, “that’s an interesting name, never heard it.”
“Well my parents were a bit old fashioned,” he explained. “So your father tells me you finished your first year at Johns Hopkins? That’s very impressive.”
He admired her blush as she looked down at the ground. “Thanks. I think I was the only one of my graduating class to go out of state.”
“Yeah, I’ve figured out Forks is a very small town. Not many people leave,” he chuckled. “Do you know what you want to study?”
“Um I’ve always kind of wanted to be a surgeon. I know it’s the most difficult specialty but I enjoy the precision of it,” she shrugged.
Carlisle felt a sense of disappointment at the news that his mate wanted to be a surgeon. Being a doctor was hard enough as a vampire but having to literally cut people open? Even he didn’t think he’d be able to focus surrounded by so much blood. He was already dreading having to tell her that she couldn’t be a surgeon after she turned, not at least for decades while she learned control. He was suddenly snapped from his fantasies realizing that this human barely knew him and practically everything he knew about her came from his lurking outside her windows.
Dragging himself out of his thoughts which had no doubt created a long, awkward pause he spoke again. “Yes, well if you made it to Johns Hopkins then I’m sure you can do it.”
“Thanks Doc- Carlisle,” Y/N corrected before standing up off the table and heading for the door.
As she exited, taking most of her intoxicating scent with her, Carlisle sucked in a breath he didn’t need. As much as he hated watching his mate leave he needed a break from her blood. No one had tempted him the way Y/N L/N had, even when he was a starving newborn. And he realized that he would have to figure out a way to get close to her and get her to love him before he even told her about the mate bond. A difficult feat considering her father’s place as his colleague.
~
When Carlisle got home that evening he immediately went to his room, tipping off the family that something was different.
As he collapsed backwards onto his sofa he let his mind wander to his mate. He could picture her face so clearly, and more frighteningly he could still imagine the smell of her blood with eerie accuracy. He imagined all his future endeavors to keep her safe as a human. He’d watch over her, always be within reach to step in when she needed. He pictured their love story. It’d be slow and start with glances and fleeting touches until he invited her out to dinner once she became more comfortable with him. He’d kiss her goodnight on the porch and then make sure she got into the safety of her home before leaving. Their relationship would develop from there with more dates, with Y/N’s father’s approval of course. And when she uttered the words ‘I love you,’ he’d tell her about him and his species because he knew he had earned her love. And as much as he didn’t want to damn her to a life of hiding and being a monster, he couldn’t help but imagine her turning. He’d gently bite into the soft flesh of her throat, injecting his venom into her veins, cementing her as his forever. But the thought of hurting her and turning her into a monster made him hesitate.
As Carlisle continued to immerse himself in his fantasies, his sister entered. “Carlisle?” Esme called softly. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he agreed, sitting up. He wasn’t sure whether or not to tell his family that he had met him mate, considering they were already dealing with the human mate to Edward, Bella, who they had just moved back to Forks for. Of course no secrets stayed secrets for long thanks to Edward and Alice’s gifts. Edward could be counted on for discretion but Alice’s overeager nature wouldn’t allow that. He was surprised that Alice hadn’t already planned a party but maybe she hadn’t seen his mate in her visions yet. He had also wanted to keep her his own little secret for a while but clearly that wouldn’t be happening so he relented. “I- uh met my true mate.”
Esme’s eyes widened as she gasped. Of course living in a house full of vampires everyone heard and immediately began rushing in.
“You met your mate!” Alice practically screamed, nearly knocking over Esme.
“What’s she like?” Emmett asked with a grin. “Or he?” he added hesitantly.
“It’s a she,” Carlisle confirmed. “It’s very new. She doesn’t even really know anything about me and everything I know about her comes from lurking outside her window,” he groaned in embarrassment.
“Well that worked with Bella,” Jasper laughed.
Edward shot his brother a glare before looking back at his adoptive father. “Just find an excuse to be around her, ask her on a date.”
“That’s the thing, she’s 19-”
“You’re physically 23,” Alice cut in.
“Her father is my coworker,” he elaborated. “Besides they think I’m 31 at the hospital. And she just finished her first year pre-med.”
“So you’ll see her around the hospital!” Alice insisted, still trying to convince her adoptive father that everything would be fine. “Suggest that she comes to the hospital more to observe or do an internship! Then you can get to know her and ask her on a date.”
“That’s not actually the worst plan,” Edward admitted.
Carlisle thought for a second. That could actually work, he’d just have to figure out how to bring it up to her and her father naturally.
“So what’s she like?” Rosalie asked suddenly.
If vampires could blush Carlisle would be bright red. “Well um she has H/L, (hair length) H/T, (type) H/C (color) hair. She actually looks a lot like her father, Dr. L/N. She goes to Johns Hopkins. Look can everyone just go back to what they were doing?”
“But we want to meet her,” Alice practically whined.
In his frustration with everything Carlisle blurted out, “You may not even get to meet her.”
That dampened the mood. “What?” Esme asked softly.
“Nothing is decided yet but she’s human. We’re already dealing with Bella, the Volturi are already keeping their eyes on us, and I don’t want to doom her to this life if I don’t have to.”
“But this is your mate,” Alice insisted. “You’ve been alone for 350 years!”
“He has a point,” Rosalie cut in. “We can’t afford to have another human know about us especially with the Volturi sniffing around us. And we shouldn’t be turning people unless they’re actively dying.”
“But she’s his true mate!” Alice maintained, practically stamping her foot on the ground. “He can’t just turn his back on her.”
“Look nothing is decided,” Carlisle tried to calm Alice down. “I have to be back at work in a few hours and I need to hunt so if you’d all please let me be.”
Everyone shuffled out of the room reluctantly except for Edward. “It will break your heart to let that girl go.”
Carlisle paused. He knew that, the idea of letting her go live her life and potentially fall in love with someone else broke his heart. “I know,” he admitted. “But the thought of having to hurt her and make her like this hurts just as much.”
“So love her for the duration of her mortal life.”
“Just to watch her age, live in pain, and die? I couldn’t handle that.”
“But you’re doing it for her,” Edward pointed out.
“But if I’m doing it for her shouldn’t I just let her go live a normal life?”
Edward shrugged. “I don’t know the right answer here just that no matter what you choose it’ll kill you in some way. That’s the unfortunate truth about loving a human.”
~
A few weeks went by and Y/N became a routine part of Carlisle’s day. He’d usually see her at the hospital, working as a secretary. (A job she acquired even without Carlisle’s suggestion.) Because of that he had gained a reputation for hanging around the nurses station, flirting with Y/N. Not only did he learn about her through actually talking to her, he would make frequent trips to her house to watch her through the windows, even occasionally going into her room, which he felt wrong about but being surrounded by her scent dismissed any doubt from his mind.
“Y/N,” he greeted like he did every morning, bringing her a coffee.
“You must be spending a fortune on coffee,” she commented, taking the cup. She had protested several times, insisting that she pay him back but he refused every time so she just began to accept it.
“It’s nothing,” he dismissed. “But if it was it’d be worth it,” he flirted, earning a blush from the girl. Carlisle had learned a lot about flirting in these few weeks. At first it was a bit clumsy but he picked it up fairly easily with a little coaching from Rosalie and Emmett.
“Yeah well you won’t have to spend like $4.50 everyday for much longer, one of my professors is starting a research project a month before the semester begins and he invited me as a fellow,” she explained, a glimmer of disappointment behind her bright, casual expression.
If Carlisle’s heart wasn’t already frozen it would’ve stopped beating. He tried his best to hide his shock and disappointment. “Oh, well congratulations. Getting invited to stuff like this is really good for med school applications.”
“Yeah, and I like being here but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up, y’know? Plus it’ll be nice to see the sun again,” she awkwardly laughed, sensing the doctor’s unease.
“Yeah, um well I have to go get some labs. Congratulations, I’ll see you around,” he rushed out with a forced smile. He didn’t stay long enough to hear her response, rushing out of the room as fast as possible without being suspicious.
He couldn’t think straight. He of course had thought about her just leaving but now that it was actually happening, as well as happening sooner than expected, he didn’t know how to deal with it.
~
Carlisle had no clue what to do when it came to his mate leaving. He couldn’t stop her, that wasn’t fair to Y/N, so instead he kept his distance. Which was easy considering that he could smell her from a mile away. Until one day at the hospital when the scent of her blood was particularly strong.
“19 year old female, car crash. Resuscitated once in the field, three times en route,” the panicked voice of the paramedic echoed through Carlisle’s sensitive ears. He rushed into the ER, spotting her through the window of the trauma room. He mostly recognized her through her scent but would know that H/T, H/C hair and S/T skin through purple and blue bruises from a million miles away. But the next words from her attending doctor only confirmed the worst. “Page Dr. L/N, it’s Y/N!”
It felt like Carlisle had been sucker punched in the gut. It took everything in him not to stagger back and let out a dry sob right there in the ER. When her heart monitor flatlined he wanted to slaughter every person in that room in his grief. It was ridiculous, 350 years of self control would be gone just because of a girl. But not just any girl, his girl.
When they finally got Y/N’s heartbeat back they wheeled her up to surgery, just as Dr. L/N entered the ER. “Where’s Y/N? Where’s my daughter?” he demanded, trying to launch himself at the ER desk.
“D/N, D/N,” Carlisle tried to calm the distraught father. He had to physically hold the man back with vampire strength. Fortunately the ER was too chaotic for anyone to notice. “They took her up to surgery, she’ll be fine.”
“Surgery? Oh god,” the man began to cry. “But that’s my baby, she’s all I have.” With those words Carlisle began to feel guilty. Just a few weeks ago a part of him had been so ready to basically just kidnap this poor man’s daughter and completely shatter his world without a thought. “Oh god, surgery here is a death sentence.”
Carlisle began to protest before really thinking about it. Forks Hospital was small, their surgical staff consisted of two surgeons and whatever nurses that had completed the surgical nurse program. No one came her for surgery, they all went to Port Angeles and their non-emergent traumas went there too. The only people who came here were on the brink of death and unfortunately the two surgeons here weren’t exactly outstanding in their field. They were good enough but nothing remarkable and they usually lost their patients due to the circumstances.
~
Carlisle tried to carry on his day as if the love of his life wasn’t dying in a surgical suite right now. But the ordinarily smooth, confident doctor was distracted and constantly messing up. Until finally his shift was over and he went up to his mate’s room. He had orchestrated the nurses’ charts so she’d be placed in a secluded room should Carlisle need to intervene to prolong her life.
When he entered the room he was met with the most heartbreaking sight. Y/N was laid on the bed, an intubation tube sticking out of her throat. Her entire face was black and blue, some bones in her face looked like they had been broken. She hardly looked recognizable. On the only chair in the room sat her father looking like a worried mess. “Oh, hey Carlisle,” Dr. L/N said dejectedly.
“I’m so sorry, D/N.”
The man shrugged. “She’s tough. She managed to claw her way out of this place. She’ll survive this.”
“I hope so,” Carlisle agreed, staring longingly at his mate.
He didn’t want to arouse too much suspicion from Y/N’s father so he reluctantly went home to change and hunt.
After his quick hunt he re-entered his home finding Alice. “Carlisle, I’m so sorry,” she said softly. He wasn’t sure what to say to that but fortunately he didn’t have to come up with anything because she spoke again. “But you have to stay with her at the hospital if you want any shot at survival.” By now Edward had joined them.
“What?” Carlisle asked.
“She won’t survive this. You’re a doctor, you have to know that. So you’ll have to change her.”
Carlisle would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of the scenario where Y/N was severely injured and he needed to change her. He looked up at his oldest son. “There’s nothing wrong about saving her life if she’s already dying.”
Not wanting to waste another second Carlisle sped off. He almost ran to the hospital but realized at the last second he should take the car. So he floored it, doing 150mph practically the whole way there. And finally parking in the back so he’d be able to bring her home unseen.
When he got to the hospital his ears were bombarded with thousands of sounds, something he was now used to, but because of his experience he was able to tune into his mate’s heart monitor while he got his plan ready.
Heading to the morgue he found a body that was a similar build and coloring to Y/N. Carlisle was by no means squeamish but it felt weird to break her bones and watch bruises form over her skin until her face was unrecognizable. He then scraped up as many ashes as possible to make it look like someone had cremated her so no one would go looking for her body. Setting the body aside he headed back upstairs finding Dr. L/N slumped over in a chair.
Carlisle hesitantly shook the older man awake. “Hey,” he said softly, willing the man to take his suggestion. “You should go home and rest. Get changed. I’ll watch over her.” The man hesitated, still staring at his fragile daughter. “She'll be fine, I’ll call you if anything happens.”
He reluctantly agreed before heading out, making Carlisle promise to call him even if her heart rate changed by two points.
Carlisle sat for a while, waiting for the hospital to calm down a bit before enacting his plan. First he went to the nurses station while no one was there, turning off the monitors that connected to his mate’s room. He then went back downstairs, using his hearing and sense of smell to bring the body up without being detected. Finally it was time to turn his mate. He stood over her bedside, observing her mortality for the final time. Through the black and blue of her face he admired her beauty, reminiscing the unique, flawed beauty of mortals.
This would be the most difficult transformation of his life. He was more nervous than when he had turned his sister who was his first turn. Y/N’s blood smelled so sweet he wasn’t sure he’d be able to pull away. He took a deep breath through his mouth before lowering his head to her throat, biting quickly. It took everything in him to pull away. He had never killed a human but he had tasted blood when he turned them and Y/N’s was like nothing he had ever tasted before. He knew he had to hold on long enough for the venom to inject into her bloodstream which made it even harder to pull away but he did it.
When he pulled back he could see blood seeping from her puncture wounds telling him he didn’t kill her. He quickly began disconnecting her from the machines before the venom could wreak havoc on her system. He then swapped her body for the one from the morgue, connecting the machines once again. Running down to the car he placed her unconscious figure in the backseat before going upstairs to reconnect the nurses station, alerting them that Y/N L/N was dying.
But by the time they reached her room with a crash cart Carlisle was already escaping with his prize in the back seat.
~
It took three agonizing days for Y/N’s transformation. Carlisle spent every moment he could at her side. He had to go to the hospital in order to not arouse suspicion where he unfortunately had to deal with her grieving father. He had called him on the way home to tell that he had gone to the bathroom and when he got back she was coding. But it didn’t seem to make anything easier for Dr. L/N as the man tried to tackle Carlisle when he walked into work. Fortunately for his secret a nurse stopped him. “You left her!” he screamed. “I lost my baby. I didn’t get to say goodbye because of you!”
At first Carlisle had been elated to finally have his mate (among other conflicting feelings) but now he was confronting the grief he had created. He realized that even if she was going to die anyway, if he hadn’t intervened her father would’ve gotten to say his final goodbye.
Meanwhile at home Y/N was laid on the soft couch in his room. She had spent the first two days sleeping fairly peacefully to the point that Carlisle was afraid he had killed her but her slowing heartbeat was assurance that she was okay. The third day was the hardest, he learned from Jasper that he could feel her pain. He was at work when the pain started and Alice had called him since she would be awake soon and Carlisle had wanted to be the one with her when she woke up.
Carlisle had been sitting by her side for a few hours, admiring her now clear skin, pure from all the bruises and broken bones she had received. In his own cold, stone hand, he now felt the same in her hand, all the warmth having been drained from it now as he played with her fingers adoringly.
~
Even before I opened my eyes I could hear so clearly. I could hear the rustle of clothing, the sound of skin rubbing skin as I realized a cold hand was playing with my fingers. As I became more aware I realized that my throat felt so dry it felt like it was burning.
Peeling my eyes open I was met with what seemed like the brightest object in the universe. I was half convinced I was staring directly into the sun except I could heat the hum of electric lighting.
“Is it too bright?” a voice— Carlisle’s voice asked.
Turning my head I met his warm, golden expression. When I nodded in agreement he ran towards the switch faster than I had ever seen anything move. Weird, but maybe I was just really groggy, but strangely I didn’t feel groggy, I felt more alive than I ever had.
Carlisle’s face reappeared in my field of vision, I could now more clearly see the flawlessness of his skin and the flecks of gold in his irises. Unbeknownst to me he was was also now observing the smoothness of my skin and the deep red hue of my eyes. Something about him felt safe and warm, like I never wanted to leave his side again. “Carlisle?” was all I could think of to say.
His adoring smile widened when I said his name. “Hey, Y/N. How are you feeling?”
“Good…” I answered hesitantly. I felt better than I ever had but his question made me think I shouldn’t feel good.
“That’s good. The transformation can be rougher for some people,” he explained, pulling away slightly to allow me room to sit up.
As I pushed myself up I moved so fast the couch slid to the side. My eyes widened, realizing what happened. “What’s going on? What transformation?”
He took my hands in his, now kneeling on the ground in front of me. “This is going to be strange and you won’t believe me but bear with me, okay?” he asked, looking up at me. One look in his eyes and I was melting so I just nodded, allowing him to explain. “I’m… a vampire. And I made you one too.” Laughs began to wrack my body, this had to be a joke. But one look at the grave sincerity on his face told me he wasn’t joking. “It’s true. It’s why when you sat up the couch moved. Why you’re probably really overwhelmed with all the sound, smells, lights, and feelings. Vampires are the most dangerous predators. We have better senses, are faster, and stronger than anything else.” Seeing my lost expression he rushed out the next words. “I know it’s a lot and I’m sorry I did this to you.”
“Why did you do this to me?”
“How much do you remember?”
“The last thing I remember is driv-” I suddenly realized what must’ve happened. “I was in an accident wasn’t I?”
Carlisle nodded his head regretfully. “You weren’t going to make it. That’s why I turned you. I didn’t want to do it. I was going to let you live your life as a human whether that be with me or with someone else but I couldn’t just let you die.”
“So what? You just turn every dying patient in the hospital?” I asked, trying to wrap my head around his words.
He shook his head no. “You’re the first I’ve turned in nearly 70 years. I couldn’t let you die because… well you see-” Carlisle was struggling with the best word choice to keep from scaring his mate off. “We’re mates… I knew the instant I saw you. Humans can’t feel it as strongly and it’s rare to meet your true mate but that’s what we are.” I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t even know exactly what I was feeling. “You don’t have to stay, you certainly don’t have to accept our bond but I thought you should know about it. Before you got hurt I was planning to hopefully be worthy of your love the old-fashioned way but given the circumstances…”
Before I could say anything the door swung open, revealing three more vampires. One had blonde curls, another with a brunette, short pixie, and the third had caramel hair and had a strong resemblance to Carlisle. “Hi, I’m Alice!” the bubbly brunette introduced.
“Um, girls-” Carlisle attempted to dismiss them so as to not overwhelm his mate.
“She’s probably thirsty,” the blonde insisted. Everyone looked over at me expectantly. Remembering the burning in my throat I nodded. Alice approached, opening a cup allowing the most appetizing scent to permeate through the air. I took it eagerly, frowning when I looked into the cup to find a thick, red liquid. Blood.
“It takes a bit of getting used to,” the caramel-haired one empathized.
“Trust me, you’ll like it,” Alice encouraged.
I gingerly brought it to my lips. The more I could smell it the thirstier I got so I downed the drink. The second the blood touched my lips I couldn’t get enough as I began to down the drink. Once it was all gone Carlisle gently brought the cup from my hands. “C’mon, you should meet the others,” he said, gently taking my hand in his. He led me out of his room, the three women following us into what looked like a very modern living room where there were three men waiting for us. “Y/N, these are my adoptive kids,” Carlisle explained as the blonde and Alice went to stand with their… brothers? “That’s Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie,” he pointed out the couples, “Edward, and my sister, Esme.”
~
The Cullen clan welcomed Y/N with open arms, including Bella when she eventually met the new vampire. It took a day or two of warming up but soon enough Carlisle and Y/N began to behave just like other mates. They were constantly together, and the rest of the Cullen clan were happy to finally see Carlisle so happy with his mate after 350 years.
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