#of effort into things yet ALSO make me an inherently over-achieving extreme perfectionist at heart... blease....

[icewindandboringhorror]

me: hmm, I see a lot of flaws in this thing I’m working on, and I could spend the extra time and effort to go through and fix all of them but, I guess it’s good enough, I’ll just be done with it how it is, errors and all 

me also, literally the next day viewing what I made and noticing the flaws that I knowingly left there but still somehow being utterly shocked and disgruntled by the fact they didn’t just disappear on their own somehow:

#me with art and costumes especially #i have an entire group of costume pgotos i never posted because while in the process of doing the makeup #or something i was like 'wow this line is off.. i should really fix it and go back over it with eyeliner...... Nah i;ll just take #the pictures anyway and maybe some of them will turn out well' #then lo and behold i put the pictures on the computer and the line i didnt like stands out to me to the point that i hate every photo #and am like '??? i cant post these.. they look so bad.. WHO did this?? i went through all this effort for nothing?? wow how could #i have ever forseen that i would end up not liking the photos.. if only there's anything i could have done.' bBHBHBbb #and art.. i know i talk shit about my sloppy art all the time which is the thing!!! it doesnt have to be sloppy!!! that was a decision you #made lmao!!! I'll be doing really quick sketches and i know i hate the way something looks but im just tired and want to #be done with it... surprise surprise the next day when I'm putting together the worldbuilding post or whatever it's for #I'm like ???? this is so bad??? who did this??? i can't believe all these flaws are still here after i made the conscious decision #to ignore their presence??????? #ghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #AND ON top of that my brain is like 'hey... you could uh.... go back and still make changes..' but it's like ??? who has the time??? #you think im going to go back into my art document and actually spend effort changing the things i don't like that i knew i didnt like #for weeks but still ignored because im chrnoically exhausted and dont really have the time or motivation to fix them #yet still have a problem with them somehow even though i acknowledge i cant have it both ways???? uh???? #listen... why did the gods make me BOTH someone with very low ability to function and low energy and ability to put long amounts #of effort into things yet ALSO make me an inherently over-achieving extreme perfectionist at heart... blease.... #i'm constantly torn between the whims of a tired and lazy little gremlin who is still passionate about their work but also just #kind of wants to meet the bare minimum of what's acceptable to get it finished as soon as possible and a freakishly perfectionist #demon bastard who thinks if there's even a semi fraction of a noticable flaw in something that it's immediately the worst thing on earth #and must be tweaked and perfected until it's the most pristine 800 hours of effort piece of work in existence #and it's obvious that the lazy babby usually wins since thats the one my body is on board with and easier for my constant headaches and #etc. but... that doesnt mean the perfectionist one doesnt still constantly cause issues arguing about it lol #Hell Functioning