#of you arent going to be compassionate to the struggles my wife and i are facing i dont need the commentary

[sheepskinnedgoat]

I guess it's greatly possible that I have a very... I don't know, skewed perspective about stuff like abuse and harm as a mentally ill person. People say stuff so broadly and I can't begin to describe how much seeing that stuff at my lowest points harmed me and made me worse. People are very good at framing things in ways that made me feel like they don't actually believe in people healing and doing better after making really huge mistakes. Because I made BIG ones and I regret them so fucking deeply. I am fighting with the concept of self-forgiveness because I've been taught that there's no retribution for shitty and abusive behavior.

I don't want to be so bold as to lay out what happened, but I guess I might as well. My wife is encouraging me and I've been wanting to talk about it, anyway.

Trigger warning for discussion of abuse, mental health, and suicide under cut.

Last year, when my mom started dying, I started declining very rapidly and severely. I don't think I've ever outright said this because of how I've been treated in the past for being open, but I have Bipolar I Disorder. I've seen doctors and therapists on an off over the last decade+ since my diagnosis. My struggle is a common one. I'm very typical of someone with extreme mood swings and psychosis. I most frequently experience dysphoric mania, which is where my psychosis typically rears its ugly head.

In these moments until last year, all of my shitty behavior mostly involved me expressing anger and frustration with wall hitting, throwing my things to break them, hurting myself, and degrading my wife. It was not always this way, but moving away from home and having an unforgiving job lead to me falling back off my medication. Over the last 3-4 years, I have become very terrible in my health and how I act when my brain overreacts to situations and stresses around me.

Then Mom got cancer.

I began having even more cycling, lots and lots of depression, increasing suicidal thoughts, and episodes. Bad episodes. One of the holidays I was meant to go see my mom, I had a serious meltdown because I was tired of going to see how much closer she was. It was hard seeing her dying. She was worse every time I made it out, and something minor had triggered another episode. I then locked myself in the bathroom and tried to kill myself.

My wife tried stopping me. I became physically violent and started saying really horrible things. This episode came to an end, and it seemed despite everything I had done very little physical damage to her by her own account. I do not remember much about what I actually did or said. It's like a faded dream I had once and only the outlines are left.

I had another episode I do not remember, triggered by seemingly nothing. She informed me later on I had hit her, and asked me why. I was unable to explain, because I didn't even know what she was referring to. I do now, but the overall details are gone.

Later on, not terribly long before she passed away, I tried to end things again. I recklessly drove to a graveyard on the back roads and began attempting to hurt myself. I started getting calls, my phone blowing up. I have some vague memories, but I am not sure if all of them are real. I do know I ignored my mom out of shame, but eventually answered my aunt. I think at the beginning I answered my wife and berated her before hanging up, but I'm not positive. I wanted to die more than anything else in the world. I was so angry. I don't even know why. My wife remembers how it unfolded, but ultimately none of it makes sense.

That was also the day my neighbor decided to pick a fight with me about my animals, which then snowballed in her repeatedly calling animal control, lol. Did not work out the way she wanted. She kept lying to them to get them out to see them, but they could never find the starving, tortured animals. What a fucking nightmare that was on top of everything.

My mom died, and I don't really remember how I felt or reacted or what I did during that time. It's difficult, and I think it's because I have been blocking it out as much as possible. Losing my mom was something I knew would be hard, but I deeply underestimated it.

Later on in the year, I did try killing myself again. Once again she tried stopping me, and even kicked in the door. It got more physically violent than the last time and I was more vicious and cruel.

Overall, I'm stuck with guilt and shame and self-hatred. Beyond these incidents, I lapsed repeatedly into despicable actions and behavior. I frequently feel out of control, but not everything I say to her is done in these extreme episodes where I'm trying to hurt myself. Rage is unfortunately a really major symptom for me, and it's activated by some of the dumbest shit. I feel like some things have become bad habits, and I'm constantly having to talk out things with my spouse because I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be on the receiving end of needless cruelty and vitriol.

I know what I have done is largely abusive and wrong. Things have been bad enough that I kept having long periods of not wanting help. All I have wanted is death, to not exist, to end what I'm feeling. Being angry is not fun. Being in pain sucks. Being sick is terrible. I am devastated by what I have done, but somehow my wife is holding strong and pushing me forward. Because of her, I managed to drag myself into getting therapy. I got lucky that someone in my local community is a therapist with the same disorder as me, and when she advertised openings I jumped on it, even though I didn't want to help myself.

Which is something key, that people bring up a lot online. People who don't want help are the worst, right? Irredeemable, it seems. I didn't want help. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to die. I still want to die, but I've found a burst of driving force within myself and, as of today, I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist to seek medication management. I cannot get any traction otherwise. Therapy has been helpful and my therapist is amazing, but there's no stability. I default to self-hate, guilt, and suicidality. I default to violence, though generally verbal excepting those instances of psychosis.

I can't grasp what I keep getting told by my wife and my therapist about being accountable but forgiving myself. It seems false. Impossible. It doesn't feel like I should, that doing that or pointing to my broken brain is appropriate. I'm always terrified what people will think of me if they know the truth of my struggles and how much I have hurt the person closest to me. My only support, because I keep distancing myself further and further from people.

In all of this, she gained friends that used me as a stop-gap for getting to know specifically her. It caused some rocky turmoil in our relationship. I blame myself for her mistakes there, because maybe if I hadn't been acting like a piece of shit, she wouldn't have felt so lonely. And they found out that things got bad, but not any of the details about it because they never asked or gave her a chance to explain when she wasn't distressed. I fear them and what they think of me. I fear them going out into shared queer spaces and telling all the queers I'm slowly trying to get to know that I'm a horrible abuser that beat my wife and controls her. Because they're not wrong. I don't feel like they're wrong, but they're also responsible parties in their own shitty behavior, but who would hear me after they find out I'm a terrible person?

It's... I suppose a bit self-centered, this paranoia. She tells me I don't deserve this, and that they don't matter. I'm trying to believe her, because if nothing else matters she does, and her opinions do. She has to live with me. She's married to me.

So I am untreated bipolar. It's a fucking nightmare. I fight with my abusive and toxic tendencies, that I fight to not participate in. But fighting back my unstable reactions to things is a chore and I become fatigued very often. I don't know why she endures for me, but she does. I love her, as much as I can. Sometimes I am numb, but she says she knows I love her and it makes me cry.

People are complicated. I have not always been very kind or empathetic. I only recently learned that having a hard time with empathy during mixed episodes is pretty normal for bipolar. It's not always. It's another thing that sees extreme differences depending on how I'm feeling, and I sure do feel too much too often.

I am healing myself as best as I can. I am working to do better and be better even while my brain persists on convincing me I don't want help; that I should just self-destruct. I am a human. I wish more people could see that part about me even when I'm not being a very good or nice person. I will be better someday, but it would be a lot easier if it ever felt like everyone else could give me the grace to fuck up while sick and still have room to take that accountability without feeling evil for my actions.

I have been a victim. I have been an abuser. Someday, I hope I can just be healed.

#this is long and was hard to write #of you arent going to be compassionate to the struggles my wife and i are facing i dont need the commentary #please grant me the grace of being able to post to my own blog about these experiences

[bluestm]

                *     𝖌𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖉 𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖘   .    y’all  ever  wondered  what  an  actual  angel  looks  like ?  lemme  point  y’all  in  the  direction  of  oNE  zendaya  coleman ,  blessing  to  humans  everywhere . i’m  taking  the  torch  from  ares  n  her  beautiful  rendition  to  try  and  keep  this  lil  goddess  on  the  dash  in  the  form  of  my  darling  soft  sarcastic  fool , 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒔𝒕 . 𝒋𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 !  

  ⋆  ╰  another   year  at  hollingsworth  ,  another  year  of  the  big  six rivalry  .  i  hear  that  BLUE  ST.  JAMES is  ensuring  CHI MU OMEGA  gets  a  solid  pledge  class  and  stays  at  the  top  of  the  ranks  .  oh  ,  you’re  not  familiar  with  HER  ?  BLUE  is  the  ZENDAYA  look  alike  from  SEATTLE , WASHINGTON  .  a part  of  PC  ‘16  ,  she  is  majoring  in  HISTORY  and  has  plans  to  AUDITION  FOR  THE  AMERICAN  BALLET  THEATER  AND  REBUILD  HER  CRUMBLING  DANCE  CAREER after  undergrad  .  it  makes  sense  they  pledged  their  house  ,  their  SHARP-WITTED  &  ASSIDUOUS   attributes  make  them  perfect  matches  .  however  ,  their  ACQUIESCENT  &  OBSESSIVE  attributes  keep  their  name  alive  on  greek  rank  .  if  you  don’t  catch  them  dancing  to  SUPERMODEL  -  SZA  at  a  fraternity  band  party  this  year  ,  you’ll  be  sure  to  catch  them  nursing  their  morning  hangover  at  THE  CHI O  HOUSE  .  cheers  to  another  wild  semester !

⋆  ╰    𝑺  𝑻  𝑨  𝑻  𝑰  𝑺  𝑻  𝑰  𝑪  𝑺   .

𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍        𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 :         blue    ocean    st . james   𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬         :        i  applaud  u  if  u  can  make  a  nickname  out  of  “ blue “ 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆        /        𝒂𝒈𝒆 :        september    3rd  ,    twenty  -  one  𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄         :        virgo 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓        𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚        /        𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔         :         cisfemale    identifying        with        she   /  her   /   hers    pronouns           𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏         :         openly    pansexual    ,  panromantic 𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏        :           student   at   hworth   majoring    in    history     (   with   a   focus   in   the  history   of   art    and    literature    )  and    minoring   in    african  -  american  studies   ,    aspiring    pro   ballerina   𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔        𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆        :        hufflepuff 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏        𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅        𝒃𝒚         :       amy   from  booksmart   (  !!!!  ) ,  rory   gilmore    from  gilmore   girls   ,    stiles   stilinski   from  teen  wolf    (  !!!!!!!!! )   ,  grace  cardinal  &   cam  saunders  from  degrassi .       𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔      :        -        melancholic  ,    overly-critical   ,    obsessive   , neurotic ,  teeteringly  non-confrontational   ,    astray   , acquiescent  ,  craven

         +                benevolent    , magnanimous    ,  tactful ,  inventive   ,   perfectionist ,   steadfast ,  sharp-witted   ,   rigorous  ,  assiduous  , sympathetic  

⋆  ╰      𝑨  𝑵  𝑻  𝑬  𝑪  𝑬  𝑫  𝑬  𝑵  𝑻 .

my  concept  was  that  her  mom  ,  sonya  ackerman  ,  was  a  world-renowned  ballerina  ,  like  one  of  the  first  on  the  east  coast  and  had  a  massive  studio  that  took  off  in  seattle  as  one  of  the  premier  ballet  academies  for  dancers  of  color !her  dad  ,  theodore  st.  james  ,  was  a  criminal  prosecutor  training  to  become  an  assistant  district  attorney  in  georgia  ,   but  would  commute  out  to  washington  bc  obv  blue’s  mom  isn’t  gonna  just  abandon  what  she  worked  so  hard  to  build  .  her  parents  were  a  rather  stable  couple  ,  but  blue  can  easily  admit  what  a  piece  of  work  her  mom  was  and  the  fucking  number  she  did  on  those  around  her

part  of  pushing  so  hard  for  success  meant  having  a  lot  to  lose  ,  and  sonya  made  that  the  driving  point  of  not  just  her  life  ,  but  her  only  child’s  ,  a  bright-eyed  baby  girl  with  a  gaze  as  pensive  and  thought-provoking  as  the  color  she  was  named  after  .  blue  ocean  was  a  miracle  ,  a  gentle (  but  rather  prone  to fixating  )  soul  from  the  moment  her  curls  came  into  the  light  of  this  world  ,  and  was  her  father’s  pride  since  the  moment  he  held  her  .  suddenly  commutes  were  that  much  harder  ,  the  tension  of  having  a  marriage  and  a  daughter  only  on  the  weekends  and  being  left  a  stranger  to  your  own  child  all  because  of  your  wife’s  unyielding  stubbornness  really  did  a  number  on  theodore  which  led  to  the  eventual  demise  of  their  marriage  :/

blue  doesn’t  remember  much  leading  up  to  the  divorce  ,  but  she’s  smart  enough  to  recognize  her  dad  didn’t  just  up  and  leave  out  of  nowhere  .  he  later  tells  her  he  was  sure  he’d  get  at  least  shared  custody  ,  but  the  courts  surprisingly  ruled  in  sonya’s  favor  with  no  rational  logic  behind  it  other  than  her  claim  of  motherhood  .  being  raised  with  the  world’s  weight  on  her  shoulders  hugely  influenced  blue’s  personality  ,  ballet  being  the  only  thing  she  remembers  as  a  constant  in  her  life  .  never  one  to  lash  out  ,  blue  took  the  oppressive  upbringing  as  an  opportunity  to  prove  herself  —  maybe  this  wasn’t  her  dream  ,  but  she  was  a  perfectionist  obsessed  with  control  ,  and  she’d  take  whatever  path  her  mother  put  her  on  and  do  a  damn  good  job  at  it .

highschool  was  highschool  and  she  was  gone  almost  as  soon  as  she  had  arrived  ,  graduating  with  only  enough  friends  that  she  could  count  on  her  hand  ,  and  whisked  off  to  the  city  in  which  she  had  heard  in  countless  of  her  mother’s  nostalgic  throw-back  stories  growing  up  ,  attending  julliard’s  prestigious  ballet  program  as  if  to  honor  her  late  mother’s  legacy  at  her  alma  mater .  

excelling  through  classes  ,  nailing  audition  after  audition  for  a  coups  de  ballet  role  but  never  a  principal  ,  blue  builds  her  reputation  among  the  new  york  dance  scene  with  grace  and  humility  ,  inching  her  way  towards  her  ultimate  goal  of  the  american  ballet  theater  as  paved  by  misty  copeland  ,  the  only  hero  who  even  compares  to  her  mother  in  blue’s  eyes  .  she’s  just  a  few  more  well-timed  performances  away  from  the  life  she’s  always  envisioned  ,  until  a  sudden  phone  call  flips  her  life  on  it’s  head  .  she  hasn’t  addressed  her  mother’s  passing  ,  nor  its  details  ,  and  it’s  unlikely  a  person  with  such  an  emotionally  reserved  disposition  such  as  herself  will  ever  really  come  around  to  processing  it  out  loud  .  the  news  hits  halfway  through  sophomore  year  and  she  makes  it  until  finals  week  before  she  spends  a  week  in  the  hospital  ,  unravelled  and  unhinged  ,  dehydrated  from  her  sobs  and  weak  from  her  inability  to  keep  food  down  due  to  an  unrelenting  anxiety  she’s  never  known  quite  like  this  .  this  subtle  childhood  nature  of  fixation  and  perfection  manifests  as  a  full  blown  obsessive  compulsive  disorder  diagnosed  during  her  psych  eval  ,  releasing  her  with  a  script  and  a  recommendation  to  go  somewhere  where  she’s  got  a  support  system  .

hu  ,  only  a  half  hour  drive  from  her  father’s  firm  and  the  current  school  of  her  childhood  best  friend  ,  receives  an  application  days  later  ,  declaring  an  interest  in “ a  change  of  pace  from  the  world  of  ballet  and  an  interest  in  their  world-renowned  history  program .  ” she  gets  sucked  into  the  greek  world  without  truly  meaning  to  ,  wandering  aimlessly  through  her  new  life  as  she  auditions  for  different  ballet  troupes  and  bombs  each  attempt  .  feeling  empty  ,  distant  ,  and  the  impending  sense  of  personal  failure  ,  her  new  sisters  in  chi  mu  omega  give  her  a  constant  push  of  go-go-go  to  fill  her  days  with  a  distraction  from  her  thoughts  .  senior  year  rounds  its  head  ,  and  blue  wants  to  spend  it  pushing  herself  to  return  to  her  former  glory  ,  eyeing  the  next  year’s  productions  at  the  american  ballet  theater  and  her  dream  to  once  again  reach  the  point  she  receives  an  invitation  to  audition  .  she’s  not  quite  sure  if  this  will  fill  the  void  in  her  heart  ,  a  void  she’s  sure  she’s  known  nearly  her  whole  life  ,  but  she’s  got  nothing  prepared  in  her  back  pocket  ,  so  it’s  really  ,  at  this  point  ,  all  she  has  left  .

⋆  ╰      𝑨  𝑵  𝑨  𝑳  𝒀  𝑺  𝑰  𝑺  .

for  a  lil  personality  blurb  ,  my  renditions  of  blue  have  always  been  really  soft  and  nuturing  and  i  want  to  keep  an  element  of  that  ? she’s  a  gentle  soul  and  part  of  that  absolutely  stems  from  her  upbringing  bc  her  mom  was  ..  .  .  .  not  a  nice  lady  lmao  .  but  somehow  ,  between  her  mom  at  home  and  then  her  mom  in  the  ballet  studio  ,  it  just  made  blue  more  compassionate  ?  she’s  admittedly  a  little  intimidating  ,  and  her  defense  mechanism  has  become  a quick  wit  that  manifests  most  amusingly  in  her  sarcasm  .  the  world  can’t  hurt  u  if  u  make  fun  of  it  first  ,  right ! i  also  wanted  to  sprinkle  in  a  little  bit  of  doe-eyed  buffoon  which  i  think  fits  in  well  with  her  whole  quiet  type  persona  ,  so  her  humor  deviates  into  goofiness  that  also  occasionally  manifests  as  an  awkward  as  shit  interaction  if  she’s  feeling  a  little  off ( as  in  :  the  bitch  has  a 50/50  shot  of  delivering  a  SEARING  burn  or  stammering  so  hard  she  ends  up  rlly  just  roasting  herself  :/  it’s  a  mystery  to  see  what  u’ll  end  up  w  when  it  comes  to  blue  ,  sigh )

delving  in  a  little  deeper  ,  even  if  she  seems  like  this  sarcastic  scattered lowkey  dork ,  who  gives  the  illusion  she’s  mellow  and  unbothered  ,  she’s  a  severe  overthinker  and  any  convo  longer  than  about  10  minutes  will  yield  to  the  fact  that  blue  is  constantly  stressed  the  FUCK  out about  the  smallest  things  .  she’s  really  observant  and  has  an  uncanny  ability  to  clock  ppl  ,  which  would  make  her  QUITE  the  devilish  fiend  to  exploit  ppl’s  weaknesses  but  alas  ,  for  a.  she  does  not  give  a  shit  abt  anything  enough  to  treat  people  cruelly  and b.  does  not  have  enough  braincells  to  spare  from  her  stress  and  misery  to  be  fiendish  and  manipulative  KSDJFKJSDHF  this  makes  her  a  really  great  person  to  tell  secrets  to  bc  literally  who  the  FUCK  is  she  gonna  tell ?  is  her  argument  n  lowkey !  she  right ! SDFHSKDHF  

contrary  to  what  her  performance  background  may  lead  many  to  believe  ,  she  really  is  not  fond  of  being  at  the  forefront  of  attention  and  feels  more  comfortable  lingering  in  the  background  ,  minding  her  own  business ,  and  staying  in  her  lane  so  catch  her  being  all  but  INVISIBLE  to  the  greek  rank  blog  !  her  critical  struggle  in  life  is  her  obsessive  personality  ,  deeply  rooted  in  the  trauma  of  being  riased  with  the  unyielding  expectation  for  absolute  perfection  .  she  has  a  hard  time  letting  go  and  comes  close  to  having  a  meltdown  if  things  in  her  world  arent  completely  under  her  control  (  as  exemplified  by  the  mental  breakdown  faced  during  the  most  stressful  time  in  her  life  .  )  she’s  incredibly  hard  on  herself  and  really  ,  truly  is  lost  as  to  who  she  is  without  the  fixation  of  perfection  in  her  life  .  this  is  incredibly  curious  due  to  her  selective  nature  —  in  terms  of  grades  ,  she’s  only  slightly  above  average  ,  and  is  rarely  interested  in  being  competitive  with  other  people  .  it’s  almost  exclusively  a  competition  with  herself  regarding  the  most  interesting  and  unassuming  things  : especially  considering  that  ballet  ,  her  whole  life’s  work  and  effort  ,  isn’t  even  her  PASSION  .  on  the  low  ,  she  kinda  hates  dance  culture  ,  especially  the  ridigity  of  ballet  !  like  bitch  wha t  the  FU C K  are  u  working  so  hard  on  it  for  ?  n  that’s  one  of  her  major  fears  ,  deviating  from  what  she  knows  and  pursing  her  true  passions  ,  because  at  least  with  ballet  ,  she  knows  it  and  she  knows  she’s  naturally  exceptional  — something  she  can’t  guarantee  with  her  true  passions  ( yet  tbd  but  have  something  to  do  with  art  history    !  ) and  would  rather  not  pursue  if  the  option  of  failure  ,  aka non-perfection ,  is  something  she’d  have  to  face  .

hcs  : she  doesn’t  drive  bc  she  doesn’t  have  her  license  as  she  has  rlly  bad  test  anxiety  and  ate  shit  all  4  times  she  tried  to  take  it  (  suffice  the  implication  of  her  failure  rests  in  the  sulking  pout  she  wore  for  about  2  weeks  straight  as  she  refused  to  try  again  a  5th  time )  ,  is  an  on  and  off  vegetarian  and  HATES  herself  for  it  ,  usually  that  friend  who’s  goin  “  i’m  not  sure  about  this  guys  ..  .  ..  ”    while  still  allowing  herself  to  get  dragged  into  shenanigans  ,  hates  her  own  drama  n  avoids  it  but  wants  to  BATHE  in  the  tea  of  those  goin  on  around  her  sdfsdfs  ,  goes  to  bed  at  9:30  on  the  dot  so  parties  are  oft  a  STRUGGLE  ,  has  strong  mom  friend  energy  despite  barely  being  able  to  manage  herself  ,  is ��a  nerd  n  knows  it  yet  uses  nerd  as  an  insult  ,  cannot  cook  for  her  LIFE  ,  and  a  lil  pinterest  board  is     here   ! oh  !  and  she  does  NOT   fuck  w   being  touched  unless  u  get  her  express  approval !!!

plots  :  i  didnt  think  i  would  get  this  far  in  one  go  so  hit  me  up  on  dis/cord  for  my  list  of  plots  that  im  abt  to  pull  out  of  my  ass  ;))))

#rank:intro #* ╰ . 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎 𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇 / 𝑏𝑙𝑢𝑒 . 𝑭𝑰𝑳𝑬𝑫 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 ; ooc . #i would have posted this a half hour ago but it fucking DELETED N REFORMATTED N I WAS BIG MAD >:( #but i ;-; finally bring u all my child blue !

[oathkeptroxas]

i have been seeing your rants about arrow on twitter for a while. I agree with mostly everything what you say and my favorite character was laurel mainly because she reminded me of the actual roy from the comics. That said she never really was like dinah from the comics she had her heart but for me she is more like roy harper. So when dinah came in i was okey with it because she's more like dinah from the comcis, but the laurel fans are starting to become the olicity. So whatcha think

No offence, but I’m really wondering what renditions of both Roy and Dinah you’re referring to? Because aside from addiction Laurel and comic Roy arent alike?

I think the big problem with the whole Tuna Fake scenario (or Arrow in general) is that people have a bad habit of condensing complex characters down to one or two traits and then trying to say that’s all they are? Tuna is literally nothing like comic Black Canary. Aside from the meta human cry and the name Dinah (that they blatantly slapped onto another OC in an attempt to save face), she has nothing about her that is BC relevant? And to imply that anyone who has the canary cry is “just like BC” would be to imply that anyone who has super strength is Superman, anyone with a bow is Green Arrow etc.

A leading theme in DCs work is legacy and family. Tuna Fake has an apparent love for killing people, uses a gun and has shown next to no loyalty or compassion. She just showed up with a sonic scream and people just jumped at the chance to call her the “real” Black Canary in a bid to undermine Laurel when she’s had no development, has shown no heart, and has done absolutely nothing to earn that title. I feel pretty comfortable in saying that those people aren’t Black Canary fans at all. They just wanted a hot girl with the cry to fill the quota and they fell for Arrow’s shit.

Arrow spent literal months hammering home how unimportant Black Canary was, how they didn’t understand why they couldn’t kill her, how OF COURSE you can have Green Arrow without her. Then their ratings tanked. And in an attempt to save face they brought in ANOTHER OC because they couldn’t realistically go back on killing Laurel without making fools of themselves, but anyone with common sense can see that Tuna’s introduction was to make up for that dier mistake. Because why would they have spent so long digging their heels in and repeating “we dont need black canary” if they intended to bring in a new one anyway? They didn’t. Tuna was their Plan B because it blew up in their face.

Laurel was built up to be BC from the pilot. At the end of episode 1 we hear “Dinah Laurel Lance, always trying to save the world” and we know that this woman is a hero. She fights the good fight and defends the helpless with or without a mask. From day one Laurel has dedicated herself to helping the people of Star City in any way she could. She never needed a crucible to make her a hero, she always was one. In that sense, she was a hero before Oliver was. The same way that Black Canary and Green Arrow were both heroes before they met each other. Laurel also - very much like comic book Dinah - cleans up Oliver’s mess and takes responsibility for Oliver’s failings. Laurel took in Thea on multiple occasions and showed her endless support that Oliver - for whatever reasons - was unable to provide, which is the exact same thing that happened with Roy, Dinah and Oliver in the comics.

Thea Queen is an obvious combination of both Roy and Mia from the comics - she’s an uber Speedy. Laurel supported Thea through her drug addiction, she represented her in court, gave her a work placement position, took her in when Oliver abandoned her, threatened thugs to stay away from her. Laurel was there to catch Thea each and every time without fail, just the same as Dinah was for Roy in the comics. Laurel is loyal and compassionate and protective and steadfast and determined, she’s been shown to care for children in a way that shows her as almost maternal, all qualities that are taken from comic book Black Canary. She never let anyone tell her she couldn’t do something, she never backed down without a fight. She had a bit of a temper and called people out on their bullshit. She trained under both WildCat and the League (via Nyssa). Laurel is as close to being Dinah as the show could make her given the ramifications they’d set themselves.

Laurel was always a lot more like comic book Dinah than Oliver has ever been like comic book GA. So why is it that people always like to try and pull this “real BC” nonsense (when it’s completely fabricated)?

If they’d introduced Tina as some random OC and eventually named her something else (I’ve seen some fans suggest she’d be a great Lady BlackHawk) then people wouldn’t have a problem. But it’s the blatant damage-controlling that they’re trying to do by slapping BC’s name on her after all the shit they said about BC last year. So it’s not necessarily Tina’s inclusion that’s the problem, but rather the unfounded need to force this “new black canary” agenda when Tina is nothing like BC and doesnt deserve that mantle. They said they could kill Black Canary. They repeatedly said that they didn’t need Black Canary. If that were true, why did they immediately try to bring in another one when their ratings tanked? BECAUSE THEY WERE WRONG. And they also wrongly assumed that people wouldnt care who it was as long as they had someone to fill the canary quota. Except, people are pissed because female characters are not interchangebale and Laurel had some of the best character growth the show had ever seen, only to have it all thrown away and replaced by some rando who shows up out of nowhere and immediately starts getting the treatment and respect that Laurel never had. It’s bullshit.

I also think it’s a fucking joke to imply people who are rightfully pissed about Laurel’s treatment are the same as Oliciters. Laurel fans were grasping onto 5mins of screentime an episode (if that!) prior to her death. We got spat on at every turn. We witnessed Laurel’s ups and downs and followed her growth and watched her struggle and come into her own and embody a strong, complex character who made mistakes but grew from them, only to have all of that ripped away from us and used to prop up a ship. Black Canary is a 70year old legacy character and they treated her like she was replaceable. Meanwhile, Oliciters only care about their ship, they keep demanding ol*city sex scenes and babies and weddings and all this romcom bullshit that has no place on an action show, they attack and slander comic book writers and katie and stephen’s wife, and even that guy who played Felicity’s boyfriend for a few episodes said he got death threats. Yeah, there are some bad apples in the Laurel fandom, the same with anything else, but most of the time the Laurel fandom just call Marc on his bullshit because he contradicts most of what he says and actually private messages oliciters to give them spoilers while the rest of us sit around wondering why we give this show the time of day when there’s clearly nothing left here for us.

#anti arrow #anti tina boland #laurel lance #anti olicity fandom #long post