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#oh chester. ian and dеad and layne and kurt...and i don't want to think about things not known for sure but. god. i am terrified to think
trashcanalienist
·
2 years
Text
#i lay in bed for hours cradling my bear the one thing that gives me comfort and i think of ends endlessly
#i could try to reach out more but i don't want to worry anyone and i'm so tired
#what keeps me here? intertia? my family? my friends? my little beast? my boyfriend?
#do i deserve those things? if i do do they deserve to lose me? life is only suffering for me but other people seem to be having a grand old
#time. having endured so much pain i do not want to ever inflict it on others. but i want to stop hurting. life is a series of decisions and
#consequences and then one way or another it's over
#radius. you would understand this complicated dilemma of mine. if your robots did not require your sacrifice - if there was no purpose to
#your end nor as there never is any purpose to your life...
#dear primus sweet helena what of you? if all beauty and curiosity in the world was unattainable and forever beaten out of your desperate
#loving fingers
#dearest henry if the secrets of the universe were universally denied to you...
#i can only ask from you who want to live. because all those who wanted otherwise got exactly that and it seems they would be
#and must have been fine with that.
#oh chester. ian and dеad and layne and kurt...and i don't want to think about things not known for sure but. god. i am terrified to think
#of -- of anything concerning that. he was alone. they all were whether through purposeful isolation or just a few hours and it really
#doesn't take all that long. i know this well. i can still taste it. when you dedicate yourself to it suddenly it runs hotter than ever
#before. it's...indescribable. life or agony? maybe both. red.
#ah what was i saying...
#oh yes the middle ground i walk
#for that -- is where i sleep. i cannot help but think and think constantly. i fever and rush and howl and cry and feel so much
#erik? if you had known that redemption could only come by your own hand but would never make you accepted?
#if you knew that that which you have been so denied and that which no human could live without...
#hated you so and would never accept you for the beast can never be loved by society even if he stays his place
#and you glorious phantom would never be so self-effacing even as you loathe what you are. my friend.
#and winslow. what you have been through.
#words i speak
#phantom musings
#nonsense
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