#ok guess ill go fuck myself dam!!!!

[stonerzelda]

I love my job but i rally will never understand the phenomenon of when some coworkers/people that work in different departments alongside u like. Decide they dont like u lol. Like i get along with nearly everybody so so so well but there are these 2 ladies that have been so needlessly cold/rude to me and for what. Why would you create a hostile work environment on purpose like does that not just make your own life harder lmao

#theyre nurses too like....idfk what it is theyre treating me like an idiot that doesnt take covid seriously??? #i am literally the only person i know that still masks up in public + wven wears gloves if im going to a place that has high touch areas #yet ive been reprimanded twice for wearing gloves in an elevator (i didnt argue bc it was a fair assumption that i was working w cleaning #chemicals even tho i was actually wearing a fresh pair cuz i didnt wanna get my bleeding fingers to stain the sheets of the beds i make #which was pointless to argue w cuz i DIDNT WANNA BE RUDE LOL) #and then again on friday for wearing a cloth mask which Again was fair bc i shouldve been wearing a paper one #but ive been double masking with the paper + cloth now and this bitch is literally ignoring me when i greet her or wish her a good day #like she Rolled Her Eyes at me when i greeted her today WTF?? i still dont even know her name lol #she didnt even introduced herself or say hello or welcome like. she and this other nurse have just decided i suck infinity #i straight up Do Naught Understand like wtf do u gain from being an asshole. i didnt argue i thanked them both for their reminders like. #ok guess ill go fuck myself dam!!!! #ennyways a little worried now cuz i kinda got annoyed when she did that to me today i was just like 'ALRIGHT😐' and kept walking myself lol #whatever rant over sorry its just on my mind cuz its just so unnecessary #theyd know i take this shit seriously if they spent more than 15 seconds acknowledging my existence :/

[chromes-corner]

coca cookie and/or pure vanilla cookie for the character bingo thingy

HIIII THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TALK ABOUT THE SCRIMBLOS ❤️

I’m guessing you meant cocoa for the first one and if not!!! Idc I love underrated characters!! Even though she’s not too underrated anymore due to the leap to kingdom lol

Okay so this bingo is a bit barren but it’s mostly bc the squares don’t really fit my thoughts about her. Like, she’s a cool character!!! I like her!! It’s just that, since she’s not a main character (or what I would consider a main character, seeing how having even the slightest bit of dynamic personality makes a cookie an mc in my book), there’s not a ton to look into haha

I really really REALLY like cocoas design. It’s so cozy and warm and it represents everything I love about winter, that being hot cocoa and knit sweaters!! Her aesthetic just makes me feel warm lol. She’s really friggin cute. I would LOVE to have cocoa with her on a cold winters night.

The one thing I don’t like about her is that she has filler character syndrome. Her one personality trait is that she likes cocoa and 80% of her voice lines in kingdom have the word cocoa in it and it kinda grates on the ears after some time. But tbh half the characters have this syndrome in one form or another so whatever. I like her. She’s cute.

Okay now pure vanilla and I have many words for him

I will make this clear RIGHT NOW. Pure vanilla is my favorite ancient. He always will be forever and ever. I fucking LOVE HIM AND EVERYTHING HE IS HES JUST TJDKFOWPFN I AM SO MENTALLY ILL ABOUT HIM

Fucking… altruism, man. Pure unbridled selflessness makes me weak in the knees because that kind of LOVE for everyone and everything around you is so hard to actually achieve, especially for a guy like him, who’s gone through so much. His greatest weakness and his biggest strength are both that he is entirely unselfish and that he sees the good in everyone and UGHHH ID DIE FOR YOU PV THAT CHARACTER TROPE MAKES MY HEART GO BA BUMP BA BUMP

god I want to dissect this man so bad. I want to sit him down on my leather couch and pick his brains. I want to do a full character analysis on him one day. There is so much beneath the surface that I want to shovel my hands into and coat myself with. It’s so hard to keep this post brief because THERES SO MUCH I COULD SAY ABOUT HIM BUT IM NOT MAKING THIS AN ESSAY

I will talk about why I put a question mark over that one square though. It’s not the whole fandom that gets him wrong, just a portion. I’m talking about the people who make pure vanilla a “soft uwu bean who’s never done anything wrong and is too good for this world 🥺🥺” like no. Shut up. Pure Vanilla is not a cute little bottom twink. He’s a tired old man who lost everything in a war against someone he once loved very much, someone who’s metamorphosis HE WATCHED HAPPEN IN REAL TIME. Put this man in a retirement home!!!! Let him play some got dam bingo!!! He needs to sleep at 6pm!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok rant over this post is long enough as it is lol

#thinkposting

[leigh-danny-avidan]

all of them!

o dam

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? good morning my dude

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? !!!!!!!! we hang out sometimes and we make each other laugh

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? id care if they were into hard drugs. but idc about weed and psychedelics

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? nope it’s 5

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? mostly sober I think

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? lmao probably

7. What does your last received text say? it was really sad and it was from my mom

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? i lost count

9. Where was your last kiss at? at tj’s house (it was with tj)

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? I don’t have a sister fuker

11. What do you drink in the morning? today i had grape juice

12. Where did you sleep last night? my living room couch bc beds are for scrubs

13. Do you think relationships are hard? no, but sometimes they can be and that’s ok

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? no, it’s been a lil messy but i like what I’m doing rn and I wouldn’t be here if anything went differently

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? absolutely not. ill be the one to lock the fukin door

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? normally id say rainy but ive been feelin the sun lately

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? literally everybody has the same middle name as me

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? none of the above, im wearing shorts

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? idk probably

20. Does anyone like you? hell yeah im a goddamn catch

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? hmmmm I’m not sure actually but I don’t think so

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? not that I know of

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? there’s always someone but for the most part im pretty lax

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? HELL YEAH i know what I want I just haven’t gotten it yet

25. In the past week have you cried? u know it

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? chihuahua and greyhound mix, he’s sleeping on me rn

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? out of the shower bc im not here to play games

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? i dated a guy who use to play football,, does that count

29. Do you think you’re old? no im a lil baby

30. Do you like text messaging? yessiree

31. What type of day are you having? it’s an okay day

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? yeet I want to get my septum pierced but I’m not sure I want to commit

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? warm but not hot

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? hell yeah im full of love

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? I like relationships but rn I wouldn’t mind a fling

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? im pretty simple but I have a lot of feelings

37. What song are you listening to? im not listening to any music rn

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? mama didn’t raise no bitch of course i mean it

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? yeet her name is abby

40. What made you start liking the person you like now? we!!!!!! we send each other a lot of memes and he makes me laugh

41. When did you last receive a text message? 2:18pm today

42. What is wrong with you right now? i have a cyst

43. How well do you know the last female you texted? my mom,,, I know her pretty well

44. Does anyone disgust you? yeah

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? i don’t know, probably not. i like the current boy im talking to and he’s the only person im interested in but i don’t think I’m ready for a relationship rn

46. Are you in a good mood right now? I guess so

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? my little brother

48. What color shirt are you wearing? red

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? of course

50. Anyone you’re giving up on? yeah his name is Stu and he doesn’t seem like a good egg

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? absolutely not. he’s one of my closest friends

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? u know it!!!!!!

53. Do you like rain? YES

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? nope, as long as they’re safe

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? lmao of course

56. Do you like to cuddle? fuck me up who DOESNT like to cuddle

57. Are you shy? ye but ive gotten a lil better about it

58. Do you get along with girls? i love girls

59. Have you dated the person you texted last? the last text I got was from my mom, but the last text I sent was to a boy so maybe????? we aren’t dating but we makeout sometimes

60. What do you carry with you at all times? my phone

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? hell yeah

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? i have done this more than once

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? yes I was

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? YES

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? um YEAH i slept at a boys house of course things got cute

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 20, 19, and 19

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? do them myself

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? i have no clue,,,, leopard print reminds me of my grandma

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? i wish

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? neither??

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? i have an iPhone

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? like a week ago

73. Do you like diet soda? im content with diet soda

74. What color are the walls in your room? blue

75. Are you 16 or older? I am 16 or older

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? i watched the first few seasons

77. Do you have a job? nope not rn

78. What are your initials? TLA

79. Did you ever have braces? Ye I had them for 2 ½ years

80. Are you from the south? nope I’m a west coast baby

81. What does your last status on facebook say? i thanked everybody for birthday wishes

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? ill talk to her from time to time but not very often

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? my dad

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? nope

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? guardians of the galaxy 2 and it was very good

86. Do you smoke? not cigarettes bc they make me nauseous

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? flip flops for comfort but I love me some heels

88. Is your phone touch screen? yesss

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? my hair is naturally straight but i luv it when it’s curly

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? once or twice, but after i reached adulthood so idk if it really counts

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? pooooooooollllll

92. Have you ever made out in a car? who hasn’t

93. …Had sex in a car? WHO HASNT

94. Are you single or in a relationship? technically single

95. What were you doing last night at midnight? sleepin

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? probably New Years

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? yes! it’s pretty good

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? hm,,, maybe? I honestly don’t know

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? nope I’m pretty good at pacing myself

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? probably lol

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? yes and they are not fun

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: do people still listen to Kesha, am i out of the loop

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? I’m too pasty. i burn I don’t tan

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? maybe ironically

#ask

[jiminspromise-remade]

--

#i have a dam bone spicule thats making it hard to even open my mouth and my mom keeps blaming the pain #on the fact i want roller skating????? #i didnt even move that much?? #like literally. its slicing through my cheek but ok #and the pain has been here even before i went roller skating #now shes making me go to the dental office by myself #and it takes like 2 hours to bus there #and the bus stop doesnt even stop anywhere fucking near the damn office so #ill just die i guess

[swearronchanel]

and my commentary continues: series 6, episode 2 (if this is now a thing idk what to title it)

You asked for it, my first class isn’t until noon tomorrow so I can sleep in & so, I complied Also the SAG awards finished at like 10pm so even after doing my night routine it’s still early haha here it goes …

- Oh shit I forgot color - ah I really like the new intro - Penny’s outfit is so cute - “Walk don’t run” stfu Sister Ursula this isn’t elementary school - “Have you lost your marbles bubsy” haha that’s cute - UGH I WANNA FIGHT THIS NUN - LET JULIENNE ARRANGE THE DAMN FLOWERS - This is when sister Ursula presses sister Monica Joan about the bon bons lol - “Unlike your sisters” guessing u don’t think u count - You’re damn right - Sister MJ sly af 😏 wish she was my grandma - Aw penny it’s ok sweetie all will be well - AlRight so where is St Cuthberts, is it closer than the London? Idk just wondering - I don’t care that much tbh - Damn this man gonna go blind how sad - I like knowing what happens when I’m watching bc I can’t take so much I get anxious - But are we not going to mention Patsy’s wig anymore? It’s still ugly, lucky emerald is beautiful anyway - - Ugh my bbys are still so hurt about the thalidomide 💔💔 - IT WAS NOT EITHER OF YOUR FAULTS - YES IT IS A MIRACLE PATRICK, YOU SHOULD’VE MENTIONED IT LAST WEEK but it’s all good - HE’S TOUCHING HER STOMACH AH - AND THEY KISSED Lmaoo I bet this will break Tumblr - UgH SUCH A SWEET MOMENT TO MELT MY COLD HEART - Jk this show has made me such an emotional mess, like I rarely ever used to cry or anything - But it could also be because of university diminishing my sanity - “We should really start telling people” - YEA PLS GIVE US A CUTE SCENE TELLING EVERYONE @ NONNATUS - - Buttt, I’m gonna guess it’s either going to be implied that they told them off screen or they won’t find out till she starts bleeding mid inspection ?? idk I’m just guessing, don’t come at me lmaoo - Patrick’s smirk “he’ll certainly understand” 😂😂 - SHELAGH’S CRINGING FACE I LOVE IT - YOU KNOW IM HERE FOR ALL CRINGEY EXPRESSIONS - Plus that’s my bby - - PHYLLIS SAW PATS AND DELIA - SHE KNOWS & IM GLAD IT WAS HER TO FIRST FIND OUT - - alright so let me be annoying real quick - From that clip from the casebook Valerie is problematic/lowkey racist & no estoy aquí para eso PERO I like her in the moment? - One, her outfit is cute - & B, she gets along well with my shelagh and seems nice.. I’m not gonna forget her comment though lol, so I’m going to stay neutral for now - - Ok the Marsh baby is born next - Lol sorry I love when sister Winifred is being cringey or funny but this was just kinda boring but I know it’ll get better later in the episode - BUT SERIOUSLY I WANNA KNOW SISTER WINIFRED’S REAL NAME - Idk why that was capitalized I don’t feel that strongly but I’m very curious !¡! - - Shelagh being all cute and cheeky giving those vaccinations - Penny is so sweet - - Alright this is so irrelevant but still, Shelagh is outside.. so Why would she throw up in a napkin in her hand? lol, all that open space 😭😂 idk I really hate throwing up and will not let my self throw up. Not even vlad can make me😷 - SHIT THAT EXPLOSION THO - what were they doing exactly? - like a bitch over here a lil confused :/ - MY LIL SUPERHERO SPRINGING TO ACTION YES BBY - shit George’s blind for good now it’s sad - and arthur’s gonna die damn - - look at disheveled Shelagh so damn pretty but I wonder when she got that cut lol - Lmaoo @ Valerie, so she knows the Nonnatuns - - Damn I’m only 17 mins in why do I talk so much shit to myself - Sister MJ sneaking that bread during sister Ursula’s prayer is me 😂 - I swear though if Sister Ursula tries to get rid of Sister MJ I will fight - My eyes roll every time this woman is on my screen - Phyllis chewing angrily is also me - “Travel visas there have been canceled” shit pats it’s too relevant right now - “I’m trifle deaf these days” PHYLLIS U ARE A GEM - Penny wins best dressed patient - - Patrick worrying is precious - SHELAGH TRYING TO HINT WHILE SMILING IS SO FUNNY BUT WHY - Lmao why are they acting like Tim is not literally right there? - Also this boy is 15 why is he not ever with friends - Of course he knew, he’s always around and isn’t dumb at all. He basically grew up around pregnant ladies tbh - “.. Good I don’t want to know any other details” lmao 😂 - I knew he’d be pleased but I lowkey wanted him not to upset or annoyed so he could have a good little story line - It’s not realistic that this 15 year old is so pleasant with his parents all the time - Like I was an angsty fright @ 15 - lol I’m acting like I’m old, I’m going to be 19 & I’m still like that^ with my parents a lot of the time - - Why do British people call bandaids “plasters”? Hm. I just think of plaster of Paris for like walls or whatever it’s used for - “I’m a slow healer” lol Shelagh is so precious - “If the baby’s a girl I’m moving out” I think it’ll be a boy. Actually Idk forget I said that - Don’t be nervous bby, speak up you got this - “That’s my girl” yes Patrick that’s our girl protect her at all freaking cost 😭 - I’ve gotten so far without saying “fuck” I’m proud - - “This is the dark before the dawn, but there is always a dawn” thanks sister I needed that - “I’ve committed a crime"😭😭 - I love sister MJ - also not gonna lie I cried a little the first time watching this - - Some mothers of color in the community centre makes me happy - Who’s the model though? 😏 - Someone find him & tag me - Ugh here comes sister “I ruin everything” - Honestly when is sister Julienne just gonna come out and say “you gotta go”? - No that’s not the way you do things - fuck yea sister J - “We must simply sit it out and wait for Churchill” - I HOPE THATS TRIXIE - BUT also I really want Sister Julienne to be the one who saves the day - Lol yea Babs your wardrobe should step it up but it’s okay - - Shelagh don’t be nervous you’re gonna kill it - Does sister Ursula even do anything? She doesn’t see patients does she? Nah she just makes everyone angry - Get up outta here - Lol I’m so Brooklyn for that - “Mrs Turner you look nice” - UM YES, MY BBY, her new dresses & coats slay - She finally took a break from the damn cardigans & I love it. Not that there’s anything wrong with cardigans but you catch my drift - Nah for real I wanted a fabulous wardrobe for Shelagh bc times are changing & Laura Main is literally gorgeous so she needs pretty outfits & got it I did - so here for it, now we wait for another pair of trousers. lets get it 1962 - this first dress had such jackie kennedy vibes, love it - - “Consequences be DAMMED” YES PATS - Phyllis and Sister J are proud, I really want one of them to press Sister Ursula - Look @ Delia actually being a nurse! - ah penny 💔 - - Shelagh’s so nervous at first but then is like YOU KNOW WHAT ASSHAT JUDGE - “Where is nurse Mount?” , “where she is needed” YES SISTER JULIENNE - love the blue coat Shelagh - “I’m not ill, I’m just tired and angry” same - Don’t cry bby - “Our best is worthless bc it won’t change anything” ugh crush my heart, especially that little hug. I need to hug them all - lol who invited Tom to the hospital - he’s so handsome though so it’s ok - TELL THEM, STAND UP - “We need to fight” yes ! - I was worried penny’s baby wouldn’t live - C'mon Pats be pc - okay patsy opening up, crushes my heart she’s so closed off but I feel - Here comes the wicked bitch of the east [end] - Whoops can I call a fictitious nun a bitch - YES PATS YES DONT TAKE HER SHIT - Aw patsy, you two will okay, I mean look sister Bernadette came back as Shelagh because of letters so you never know - - Shelagh’s baby blue outfit >> - she needs to go out in public more with her hair down and slay everyone’s life - “Not today.” Yes Delia - “You did it Mrs Turner, you made em listen!” - Yes tf she did. I’m so proud - the set makeup artist did a crazy good job with the burns - “We never really out grow our parents, we just think we do” aw I should call my mum and dad - mm maybe later it’s midnight lmao - DELIA SAID I LOVE U - I FEEL LIKE NO IMPORTANT COUPLE on here HAS SAID “I LOVE YOU” to each other ?? - They almost kissed aw - Fred just break the door damn - Reminds me a little of when Jenny left - Aw the Marsh fam - Phyllis you are gold - Phyllis is still learning Spanish, please give her an opportunity to use it! - the only Spanish speaking mother was conchita, wasn’t that the first episode ever? lets get another one - Anyway, this was so sad. - “The pain it costs to love..” PHYLLIS I LOVE You. You deserve everything good - Aw all the other mothers with penny! - Alright Lets hear it Vanessa - Aw Delia Bonus: preview for next week - my other bby Trixie is back !! - hope she loses her shit when she realizes sister Ursula is ruining everything + patsy/sister mary cynthia are gone - My bby Shelagh looks so pretty!💕 - BUT I KNOW NO ONE IS SHUTTING DOWN ANYTHING - I will not have it - Phyllis spilling the ever so obvious and boiling tea, sister Ursula is UNFIT - Pls let Sister Julienne say something crazy to her before she goes - Why is babs crying?? - ugh of course that’s the most of a preview we get - Nothing bad will happen to my bbys I won’t have it. Protect them at all costs or I’ll spontaneously combust - Jk but I might flip my shit or throw my laptop - But for real for Shelagh to miscarry 3 episodes in would be a waste of a storyline - Plus it is a drama, we’ll be shook for a while, then we’ll cry, we’ll laugh & then Vanessa Redgrave says something profound and we go on with the week - The End 🙃🙃 - If you read this far, you’re a champ - I did this for u all

#call the midwife #i'm a clown #series 6 #lets get it 1962 #protect my bbys at all costs though #my commentaries™

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Declan: but Cali Jesse saved every one from the gas,chamber

Me: no baby me and my mom and dad and the firemen and FBI and EMT did. He was just supposed to empty of the dead bodies. The gas was on over two hours. They were all dead baby. He just supposed to clear the dead bodies before Brandon got home so Brandon didn't have to deal with it.

Declan: oh gosh

Me: clean up crew huh Jesse... Then swoon me off Brandon. Pick up my emotional pieces. Help me piece myself together. Poor fragile me. Betray Brandon in front of his face Like you do every one. Hmm. Simple. Not at all complicated

Jack: are you fucking kidding me? That's disgusting. You mutilated his dick with car battery acid for raping you in the 90s

Alex Laughlin: she don't care she don't need sex she already said just a good friend that's all and May be a cuddle or too Or a shoulder to cry on every now and then.

Me: yeah well you don't have a dick either, Alex so.

Alex: am i still in the running?

Me: are you still human trafficking? That's right. Keep coughing bitch, cause i know you are

Alex: but not on the SMS. And No one is allowed to look in my phone. That is illegal. Just like i can't look in yours. I already tried. So did President Trump.

Me: so you both can do illegal shit But no one else can

Alex: that is the rule.

Me: you coughing up blood yet?

Alex: no. Do you on this COVID?

Me: no. Your blood becomes too thick and heavy to be expelled through your throat. You won't choke and drown on it nor cough it up. Its a dry tuberculosis. We don't want people in the hospital to be killed by a doctor serial killer. So no. You won't. But I have had tuberculosis.

Alex: ask Agent Orange. He probably gave it to you. Sabrina can i take cough syrup? This cough sucks it is too much. I know its a virus and it can keep it in

Me: it's a dry cough. You're not coughing up anything lining your lungs like cancer then you should take cough syrup

Alex: do you take cough syrup for your cancer although your cough is wet? If so why?

Me: yes because i don't like coughing. I usually cough most at night or in stores lately... And so it keeps all the congestion down so when I wake up when i cough because i will then i cough up pieces of the cancer covering my lungs.

Alex: so it helps. What if my lungs are covered with dry blood will i cough it up then?

Me: nah... You need moisture in your lungs. If your lungs are covered with dry blood sure pieces can get loose but they are in the lining... And unlike cancer the COVID is meant to stay inside.

Alex: so it won't come out?

Me: tuberculosis. We didn't want it like that. So it should not. You could make it if you tried. But it would be alot of work. Like nebulizer treatments or inhalers used 24/7 ... Cough syrup will just increase your comfort, take it, its fine. It won't hurt you.

Alex: you promise? Pinky swear

Me: i pinky swear. It goes in your tummy and stops it with the meds in your blood stream. If you're drying out you're too dry to produce mucus.

Alex: ok I guess ill take Nyquil. The liquid with alcohol

Me: that is what i take. But it makes me tummy ache.

Alex: yeah and it's big, too

Me: yup. So keeping the virus in is more for the poops you're supposed to poop the virus out. Cough is just coughing out air. The virus of COVID is in your blood. So there's no reason to worry about taking medicine. Stay hydrated. Water and so on, it will keep you alive longer. So think about your blood evaporating.

Alex: dude that's sick! Thats not what is happening is it?

Me: it is. Platelets. The ultra rich blood is left over. That's all you care about right? Being rich?

Alex: so we are turning into mummies, is that it?

Me: it's a very beautiful disease, yes.

Alex: oh my gosh. I never thought it could be So fascinating. Could I ask you some more questions about this disease later? I don't feel so good, I want to lay down.

Me: yeah you have a right to know how you're dying.

My dad: everyone does. And mummies is a great euphemism for whatis going on with you. I could tell you all about it since I already know. Sabrina has to remember it and rediagnose it but you see she does it perfectly. And she likes talking to you. She's trained you very well in human concept. That's it lay on your tummy. Does it hurt?

Me: of course you'll have to expel all gases or your mummy will explode

Alex: like King Tut

Me: yup

Jack: well fuck. So mummies huh. Living mummies.

Me: most are already brain dead zombies... Turned mummies...

My dad: then ask we have left is Frankenstein. But we'll leave that up to Sabrina.

Alex: are we coming back to life?

My dad: some

Jack: we are not putting bolts in people's necks!

Me: well... The bolts were to create energy into the nerves and blood. Right into the spine. I bet he couldn't feel shit.

Matt Hagan: that would be worse than Dr P

Me: yeah but totally I'm into that...

Jack: fine

Me: I'm sleepy

Alex: how can you sleep at a time like this?!

Jack: Mayberry cams her down!!

Alex: you mean the Andy Griffith Show?! They are ass holes

Me: nah. They make mistakes but they help each other fix them

Alex: ahh they're not perfect

Me: Barnie tho he's an ass sometimes.. Worse than Andy. Andy he's a sweetheart. Barnie he's gotthat excitement so like when you're depressed, he's that guy that makes ya feel like living ain't so bad. He's always into something. When he gets on your nerves you make Andy deal with him. Barnie can be Whiney but Andy can just whine right back. So sometimes Andy can be real stone walled and seem selfish like he don't ever invite Barney to dinner but dam why does he always gotta take care of him?! He's a grown ass man. Andy looks like my grandpa.

Jack: I see. You analyze their relationships and Andy is always the hero

Me: yeah. But you gotta love Barney .... He's just who he is.

Jack: you critically analyze. You break it down So you see all their flaws but you see how together their flaws are not flaws. They're just able to balance each other. I always see how Andy couldn't handle work without Barney being loyal and needy. You call it annoying and bugging and allot of work for Andy.

Me: mhhmm

Jack: and I see it as Andy's need to take care of everyone and everything. Sometimes I think you're just mad you can't do Andy's job

Me: fuck that

Jack: but I see you don't put yourself into the TV or into the scene as people would say. You sit behind the Director or Producer chair to make sure that everything is running good in the office and town. You're like the Mayor or Governor of Little Mayberry. That's why I say you're watching Mayberry, not the Andy Griffith Show.

Me: well Andy looks like my grandpa and my grandma that was married to him used to live on Griffin Avenue. So it's fighting I'm Her Highness, The Gov'na

Jack laughs: that's why I love you baby!

Me: look at Barnie being squashed between those two big guys fighting!! He's so ridiculous! But then he gets all ruley -- then he always acts like everything was smooth as silk not like a burlap sack

Jack: sometimes Andy catches him, too

Me: "well Barn, why didn't you just tell me to begin with"

Us: "well IDK I was just..."

[thetotalfailure]

ok i dont feel like randomly bursting into tears ruminating on how stupid i am anymore

but i dont know if thats because ive had coffee and its 3am

which is another problem in of itself

my next counseling appointment isnt for another few weeks

but the first one feels like the dam broke

but it couldve been because of my intense hormone imbalance

but ive felt completely paralyzed

overwhelmed

i havent done anything all week and thats because i end up feeling like i want to cry instead of working so i go do something else which makes it worse

classic. there’s many articles about that online. fascinating. couldnt read them through the tears. why did i even try. i already know what i need to do.

but knowing and doing are two different concepts. ideas. actions.

i havent acted on any thought i have. good and bad. nothing

i dont know what to do at this point

i know venting isnt very productive because then i just end up getting stuck on the negative. and i dont want to shove the negative onto someone else. it helps no one.

its hard being nice to myself.

getting a proper diagnosis would get me on the path to not being like this

taking the steps to get such a thing is. i have so many other things i need to do.

i keep putting everything off.

the cycle

im trying but im not trying but i am trying but its really more like thinking about trying

how do i ask for help

i dont want any help. with doing things that is. i do want help. but not help to get to the help. which is ridiculous of me and why im stuck here not tearing up about it. 

i wish i wasnt like this. but wishing isnt doing. i just need. to. do. something. 

they told me to just sit down and stare at what im supposed to do for only a scheduled time. schedules. right. 

i even failed that. instead of just staring at what im supposed to be doing, i would do other things instead. i couldnt even not do what i wasnt supposed to do. ugh.

be nice to myself? how do i do that.

just turn something crappy in

i know that. i cant even get myself to do that. i cant even crap out the work. and now its late. i dont want to turn in crappy late work. but i know its better than nothing. but now im stuck in this stupid loop about it

its so fucking stupid. i cant use my own advice for myself. be nice to yourself. just turn in something crappy who cares. lower your expectations. dont care about what other people think. 

i dont. but i do. but i dont. but i really do.

i know what im capable of and i want others to know to

my standards for myself are high so i should lower them

but i dont want to seem low to other people

but i will seem low to people if i dont do anything. which is happening because my standards are high and now i have anxiety procrastination

so i should not care what others think and lower my standards for myself and turn in something crappy

oh my god why am i not doing this

and now im upset about me not doing something even after logicking everything out

im

so annoyed and upset and frustrated with myself

i dont think counseling will work but i know its a step in the right direction and maybe ill take the next step into making an appointment with someone else to get me more help because its probably just a chemical imbalance that would be fixed with medication but the complex system to get to that point takes up so much energy that i barely even have any emotional or mental energy to do what i need to do in the present time to get to step 50 and i know what im supposed to do is to break everything up into smaller pieces and delegation is a good step in the right direction but i dont want any help from anyone which is frustrating because there’s nothing wrong with getting help and i really feel like im losing it and i might just drop out of life and just. leave the state or something, not literally leave life. i wouldnt go that far. something silly like live on a farm. 

a decade ago i learned about a lot of psych concepts. rumination. ideas around self fulfilling prophecies and setting oneself up for failure. the big d word. 

although. a decade ago i had a vague unspoken idea about myself then. one i wouldve never allowed to fully voice itself even in my mind. which kind of doesnt make sense but i cant be poetic at the moment. just that. perhaps i wouldn’t exist in a decade.

i guess in a way, the me of the past truly doesn’t exist

but im still here. i exist. i have to deal with what i didnt do a decade ago. which is get help in some way dont get me wrong it isnt making myself not exist. 

it feels kind of awful. a decade of this nonsense with myself. a dance with high standards and letting myself fail from fear of failure. its a dark step in adulthood that i hope many don’t have to experience. the step of realizing that the future exists and i have to plan to exist in it. 

i think ive seen posts like that on this hell site. not having made plans for the future because they didnt expect to make it past a certain age, yet here they are.

it wasnt that . well. i guess in a way it is. i don’t know what i expected. but i certainly didnt plan anything for the future. it was anxiety about it. maybe i spoke about it in a previous entry. 

i hated. well. that might be a little too strong of a word. i disliked my so in hs because all they thought about was the future. their plans for it. their dreams. the little white fence with the 2.5 children and whatnot. i disliked thinking about the future. i enjoyed talking about Dreams for the future. oh lets live together with friends and who will be the DD and who will be the funny roommate and sitcom style adulthood with everyone graduating and having jobs and enjoying life. thats not a semi solid plan for a future. just a dream. something silly friends talk about. nothing serious. why think about what lies in the future when someone didnt really expect to. exist? im not sure what it was i thought. just my vague aspirations. 

wherever the wind takes me.

i still think like that. but i suppose i have a more solid plan/idea for what i want

but its hard. its been easier these days for the dark thoughts to creep back into my brain. easier in the sense that they’ve just taken over completely. why did i think i could do this or that when its easier to just lay in bed all day with the blinds shut and blankets blocking reality from sight. why bother when ive already set myself up to fail. i knew i didnt have to do this. why did i do this. i could just work my way up from the bottom and secure a job thats just barely above minimum wage. but i dont even believe i could do that. everything is so much energy. im even writing this instead of writing what im supposed to be working on. why am i like this

i dont want to talk to anyone else about this because. i already know its not productive the way i think so it would just come out the same nonproductive way. ill drop a thought here and there. but not the full struggle. why tell someone when i can tell a professional and yet i dont even tell the damn professional.

but be nicer to myself

its hard. its hard on my and myself and im hard on me and myself. another horrible cycle.

im tired of all of this. and i dont like being treated as fragile i guess. 

theyve been texting me the past few days with messages of affection and affirmations. its nice but. it just feels empty to me. which is frustrating. i know its just the bad side of my brain telling me to ruin it all completely. i dont know how to voice it without hurting anyone. i want to wait for my next appointment because i know its just my brain being illogical

but everything costs energy. i just simply feel like a time bomb. or maybe ive already gone off and im more like a candle thats burning out

i feel like im burning out

or that im already at the end and im just a whisper of smoke

i know that everyone can be compassionate or understanding and maybe accommodating, but im afraid ill only be met with sternness and a loss of respect somehow. like im just making excuses. especially because its not like im diagnosed officially or anything. i know im not the only one. but it feels like im the only one. and what if i am the only one. i dont want to be singled out 

i dont want to be treated differently. maybe understanding. but. not differently. not negatively.

they. i dont want them to stop but i dont even understand what i want instead, so i dont want to stop them. in a way it shows they care because they do care but. it feels shallow. i dont know what i want from them at all. which is probably why i want to press the self destruct button and ruin it for both of us. but thats unfair to them and thats unfair to me. so i should just talk to them about it. effective communication. 

back to step one i suppose. i need the energy to do. anything. anything at all. god d

be nice to myself. that’s hard.

[beforethefilm]

They neglect your physical health in a psychiatric hospital. They attribute any physical pain to mental illness. I was in ‘hospital’ about four years ago, when I developed a severe viral infection, after I’d woken up with bruises on my inner thigh. - (I mean of course your brain goes to the worst possible outcome after everything else you’ve been through)... It was pretty bad - I couldn’t get out of bed to get water for myself. I could barely stand. I got to the point where they finally took me up to the actual hospital after refusing to bring me any water as they didn’t believe I was physically unwell. - They were so dam unkind to me, when I was in bed. It went days without any offer of help. They just expected me to do everything for myself, as that is what they expect of people with mental illness in these hospitals - to fix themselves, without any legitimate help (only drugs to forget, and dig the trauma down deep). I was taken to the open side of the ward, and by that point I had to lean on Mum to be able to walk. (Was dizzy, lightheaded etc.) They at last took me up to the hospital, when I could no longer stand, collapsed on the floor in the waiting area. Was taken to a hospital bed, had my vitals taken, etc. The doctor said to the nurse, “why did you wait so long to bring her here?” It was complete neglect, but I didn’t even think of laying a complaint, after their treatment, because it was what I had come to expect of these people, and they can write anything to justify themselves and make you look bad. (Their lies have put me in hospital, and kept me in for longer). They’ve become so normalised to this hideous situation - diagnosis, medicating, watching you like a hawk - flipping your blinds open every twenty minutes to check if you’re still alive. God it’s honest to god torture for an already damaged person. They don’t know how to show any true care anymore. I was given a saline solution in my vein, while an ice cold psychiatric nurse “watched over me,” which felt much more like an insurance that I didn’t leave, then having any real care for my wellbeing. Handed me a few magazines, didn’t offer any word of kindness. It was cruel how they treated me, and it’s happened again since, where my physical health has gotten to the point where I find it difficult to look after myself (so run down), which is the point where you start doing desperate things, like stealing money from your parents to be able to buy food and things that give you a little joy, when you’re physically unable to make food yourself and there’s no one in your life that will show you a little care and look after you so your health can improve. The only answer to them is more drugs. Honestly that is the only thing they know how to do. That, and petting some animals once a week. I’m pretty bitter at how I’ve been treated, and I live in fear that they will force me to return to that place with nightmares that haunt me of being forcibly drugged etc. I know if I was honest to them about the sadness, the tears, the pain I feel every single day after everything that’s happened to me, they would send me right back, and I would need to put on an act to be free again. I guess that’s one positive - perhaps one day I’d make a good actress... There’s no regard for the added damage they do to your self respect and humanity. I mean I’m sure most people would understand that you’re not exactly yourself in this imprisoned situation, and you don’t particularly feel a whole lot like socialising with other hurt people and nurses that have no idea how to show any kind of empathy. That’s when you’re happier in your room on social media on your phone, (your means of escape), leading to them deciding that they need to inject you to make you more quote “animated.” Because of course being quiet, and ‘withdrawn’ is a symptom of a psychiatric illness. Note: I have always been a quiet, introverted person, mostly content in my own company... And you cry on your birthday, and they add that to the list of made up symptoms they’ve created to justify the label they put on you. And then at the end of my stay two years ago this same doctor has the F’kn gall to shake my hand. What could I do? There’s always that fear there that if you don’t act like you are ok with what he does, you won’t be set free. And that is a very legitimate fear to have, since they keep some people who are not sick, just justifiably frustrated, in these places for months because they refuse to conform to the doctors ideas on what is wrong with them. If you don’t submit, they will never let you go. If you disagree with ANYTHING they say, it is because you are mentally unwell, not genuinely resistant to the stigmatised opinion they have of you. As soon as they put that label on your head, you are honest to god fucked for life, forever under their control, unless you escape to another country. I met a guy two years ago, who was suffering under the mental health system here, and he moved to Australia for two years to get free from them. The damage they do is undeniable, when someone is only able to find freedom again outside of NZ. The nature of the system is to justify the imprisonment they hold over you for the rest of your life, as care. Trust me, it’s not care. It’s careful ensuring the public are protected from the stigmatised view that people with a mental illness are forever a danger to the public. They’re not protecting you. Locking you up doesn’t save you from suicide. It just gives you another reason why suicide would make so much sense, in order to escape the torture they give to you under the guise of ‘support.’ But sure, I’ll make another pretty bead necklace, or pet a puppy for five minutes, if it will allow me to get the fuck out of here. (Or be stabbed in the shoulder multiple times, so you can experiment what drug you believe will get me engaged in activities to fuel your belief that I am healthy again). Truth’s out kids. I pretended I was fine to get the hell out of there, while I was dying of anxiety and broken inside. “You’re so much better now.” :) :) Yes Carol, I know how to please those in power to ensure my freedom at long last. Which includes shaking this man’s hand, who has the greatest power to determine my fate at this time. What I wouldn’t do to have someone in my life who truly has my back through the hardest times. What I wouldn’t do for unconditional love.     

[survivorcostarica]

Ep. 1 - “Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on...” - Randy

i cant see pls send imitrex

i have a crush on cole, i'm in this game and virgin islands with him and i really like talking to him.  he is really genuine and easy to talk to, i feel ridiculous for admitting this but this was the first thing i thought to confess about lol

I want to shoot myself in the fucking face what is my tribe?! 

Cole is such a messy thot, Kevin is that but without being remotely good at the game, Arika and Julia are best friends IRL and 1000% will be working together. Louise is a fucking saint but that also terrifies me because I can't do shit against her without being a terrible person. At least Madison is really down to earth and chill even thought I've known her for two days and met her on Club Penguin. I don't know Bryce, Noah or the other one so they're 1000% my go to people right now.

Ohkay hi hi. My name is Bryan and I’m here to try and NOT flop at this game. Ok sooo. I’m looking at my tribe and i notice. My best friend Madison is here. Just kidding i HATE her. Or at least that’s what i will want people to think so we aren’t targeted for our friendship or whatever cuz we had BEEF in our last game. Um. Josh is also here. I was in another game with him but i didn’t really get to talk to him that much. Other than that cole and Kevin seem nice enough and are talkative so that’s good. I guess I’ll just be able to talk more with other people later.

Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on in an ORG you were last minute filled into. I literally hate this whole tribe so much, and I'm going into this game with the mindset that we are losing every single immunity and reward. When I saw the first three cast reveal posts i prayed i wasnt on the orange tribe. i actually believed and god, and asked him for forgiveness for all the sins ive committed and pleaded my case to on why i shouldnt be on this tribe. but, alas here i am. so its time to play i guess I'm not good with social game, and thats why i usually fail at survivor. I always have a good first few days, but then its just me being inactive and skirmming my way until my inevitable premerge eviction. But in this game im literally going to pull all the stops i can. I will start to set up my reputation as a good survivor player. And it starts here. Even if nobody pms me I will take this game by storm. Meaning right now its getting good with the influential such as Jay and Drew. They have a few buds on the other tribe, and working with them can only help me when we hit merge. i'm also going to keep Chrissa tight because she is just such a good ally, but its also going to be hard to protect her as she is such a shit competitor. But thats all plans let me talk about to cast Cameron: Love cameron our last org played together we made final 3, and he asked me to cut him. I will keep him under my sphere of influence especially since he said he isnt familiar with this group of players Chrissa: I also love chrissa. She can be a little annoying sometimes, but she always has good intentions. She is fiercely loyal, and thats something great to have in an ally because numbers are more important in survivor than big brother Constance: I don't like him. I want nothing to do with him. The closest association I ever had with constance was us two being on the same cast reveal post. And I'm far more than content with that interaction. He's from facebook, and that means he is going to stir the pot when there isn't any stirring necessary. He is going to make a move just to make a move, and if I cut him earlier the better. But if I can work with him, and test and experience how he plays this game. I do think it would be more entertaining Drew: I have good relations with him but really havent played an org with him. I have no intentions on backstabbing him especially in this cast. I do think he will either slide into the shadows, or emerge as the person calling the shots for this tribe. Jay: Same as Drew tbh. They're together as a duo, so anything one does the other will follow. I'm not going to beef with him Jill: I haven't met Jill before this. but she is the driest person i have pm'd in a while. Me and her are having forced small talk, but i dont want to lose connections with her yet. I'm hoping she isnt well liked or well received so she can leave. Reagan: Me and her have butted heads so many times in vls. If you wanted a fight. Its going to be between me and her i bet your hat. Sam: I dont know if he's a newbie or from a community. But me and him kicked things off really well, and I'm feeling natural chemistry with him. I'll keep him near my sphere of influence for sure. Roxy: Going against Roxy is such a stupid move. Because she's just going to waste her whole entire game trying to vote you off. She gets really bitter easily, and i dont know what the hell she's saying half of the time. I dont understand her game or her mouth so im just gonna let her be...

[12:25:40 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: dam stop tryna out do my intro  do I have to add my likes too?  tch [12:25:48 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie [12:25:53 PM] Chrissa Bullard: lol [12:26:54 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: okay Ill admit idc about the size of your butt [12:27:01 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: even if you have a small butt id still potentially like u [12:27:12 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: but yall are gay so like  what can a straight gal like me do [12:27:29 PM] Chrissa Bullard: hello sam and roxy with her butt equality [12:29:22 PM] Jill: if u wanna be my friend add me and SAY hey bc i forget to add people [12:29:53 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and I say HEY what a wonderful kinda day [12:29:54 PM] Jill: also msg me ur pronouns thanks [12:29:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: you can learn and work and play [12:30:26 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: my pronouns are "my lord" and "your highness" [12:30:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I said I was a she cause dan didn't take me seriously even tho imma hella serious [12:30:52 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): my pronouns are he/they and they are actually serious :) [12:31:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: oi how dare you say I aint serious [12:31:36 PM] Chrissa Bullard: your highness is serious do not get my lords pronouns wrong :P [12:31:41 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: :/ I'm the lord and the queen roxy herself [12:31:42 PM] Chrissa Bullard: seriously though [12:31:47 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: of course my pronoun is your highness [12:31:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: thank you ! see? chrissa gets it! [12:32:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: look I even have a crown as proof [12:32:07 PM] Chrissa Bullard: true [12:32:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i trans-itioned from being a commoner to being a queen [12:32:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: also if i don't pm you its cause i avoid social interactions at all times [12:33:00 PM] Chrissa Bullard: a mood [12:33:05 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and i haven't left  my house in 9 days [12:33:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: apart from an hour once to go to the gym [12:33:17 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i haven't recovered since i take medicine. its called coffee. it helps releave the symptoms of being dead inside

My tribe is probably going to be useless. Which means that we have to turn it OUT for immunity. Randy, Roxy and I are all attempting to make flags. I have faith in Randy's abilities... roxy, not so much. But she does have a good artistic ability, so I hope she turns it out for this. We can hope. We can hope.

Blah blah blah. Confessional confessional. The immunity comp is a flag making competition. Which means i can’t really participate. The one we have so far tho is super cute!! There’s a Julia on our tribe. I have to start learning people’s names. Ugh. Too much work. 

I think like our tribe will win immunity, looking at cadejo’s scores, they seem like flops I mean that tribe is super ugly so ya know… cute is gonna devour gorgeous. Anyways Anthony is doing great at the flag I gave him the ideas, he executed them for me so everyone is great. Also i got this red KEY

I really don't like my tribe but I think I like the other tribe even less just from the few people I've encountered before or at the very least heard about. If anything though that's great for me because I have all of two or three people I remotely care about so I have no issues with taking people out.

RANDY'S FLAG LOOKS TERRIBLE! but we're going with that one anyway!!! even though its literally furry meme nonsense!!! so i hope to god i dont get targetted when we lose bc i made an effort not to be a grumpy ass beyotch!

ummm roxy said she and sam wanna align with me!! it's so early!!! I may work with Reagan bc we worked together previously I think!! Everyone else seems fine. I'm gunna msg drew and everyone else tomorrow or later and say hey I've been napping!!! Go team

I honestly think im going because peop le don't tell me anything I'm scared 

[3/28/18, 1:55:57 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): "I love y-...ughch..." [3/28/18, 1:56:05 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): Cameron 2k18 im just gonna put this here ;)

Anyway. Here's some tea. Roxy thinks I talk too much about being in the hospital. Sorry sweaty, I'm disabled, I'm gonna be in the hospital. And I have the right to talk about whatever I want. ANYWAY, Constance, the literal loml, gave me this tea so that's great. I LOVE HIM. So we made an alliance of me and drew, because drew has a "bad reputation" (sweetie, you were the one making tasteless comments night one, let's not get it twisted here!!) We talk a bunch, we have good laughs, and we head to bed. I went into this round wanting to target Roxy anyway, but she just went painted a bullseye on her back for me!

This first round felt so nostalgic to me, in the sense that being gone from these games for a while allowed me to step back and revitalize the way that I play games. In the beginning of the game, I felt an immediate connection with Cameron. He is someone who has a really nice, personable outlook as a person and I could see myself becoming really good allies and friends outside of this game. I also really enjoy Drew, Sam and Jill. Drew: I was excited to see him in this game because we just met a few days before the game started because he flirted with me a little and I thought he was a nice guy in general. I haven't had the chance of getting to know him all that well yet, though he stated to me that he will not write my name down throughout the game when we were first added to the tribe, so I hope that stays as promised. Sam: We both come from the same community but we both individually transferred to Tumblr at different points in time. I don't know him well enough to say he could be someone I stay with for the long run, but I have had a few calls with him and he seems pretty straightforward about what he wants in this game and where he wants to go. I'll leave it at that for now. Jill: She is literally everything that is me. "I'm going to see my sugar daddy," "I am eating a whole barbecque chicken pizza to myself," "I need money" I LOVE THIS CHICK! We need to align and become friends for sure because I can't see myself without her! One smaller relationship I have is with Chrissa and that will require some work on my part, both game wise and friend wise included. We had a rough past on a personal note but we are working our ways around it to become friends again on a personal level, not even on a game level. I feel like if Chrissa is able to handle herself in this game with me the way she did in Arrakis ages ago, she should be good to go with me! The people I really don't talk with or connect with right now are Jay, Roxy, Randy and Regan. - Jay just hasn't spoken a lot, but that may be subject to change? - Regan has this huge negative perception that everyone has given about her and I'm honestly not about holding past games or whatnot against anyone. If she is as crazy or as ballistic as people say she is then that will happen on it's own accord. - Randy is..Randy. I'm not really putting a whole lot here. He comes off extremely weird to me and I'm not feeling it. - Roxy and Randy both share the same trait they don't mind expressing: their messy players. I'm not one to want to play with people who are going to knowingly make things difficult for me in this game moving forward. I feel like getting out people who tend to be wildcards for my individual game will boost my ability to better know the personalities I surround myself with. Intended Target: Roxy Reason: I had a call with Sam and discussed some feelings about the challenge for the flag that had taken place. In my individual opinion, expressing the idea of putting in effort for a challenge and then doing the opposite of what you said you would do, shows a false sense of sportsmanship and that bothers me. Roxy said she would make a temporary flag as a concept, but never did and constantly said "I'm lazy, so I don't want to do it." Adding on to the reason above, I was asked if I wanted to be added to a call with Sam by Roxy as they were both speaking with each other and I said I wouldn't mind joining. We both tried asking Roxy about potential ideas for the vote off and Roxy made it clear that Regan would be too easy to get rid of. Then came the critical point of the conversation where Roxy would bring up Cameron and Drew's names, stating that Drew apparently has a bad or weird reputation in the Tumblr community of games, but this is COSTA RICA not any other game. She also stated in regards to Cameron word for word that, "I just think Cameron talks about themselves too much in the main chat, and that brings people to feel for them more, and that makes them look bad" and this was in relation to when Cameron stated he was in the hospital. I found that to be extremely bothersome because otherwise, Cameron has never talked about himself constantly or anything like that. My intentions are to pull myself, Drew, Cameron, Jill, Sam and Jay to vote out Roxy. I started the idea when I asked Sam on call blatantly and he agreed and I calmly took it by step. That's all I have folks! I hope this works out and if for some odd reason I go home first, well then it was fun while it lasted! 

Okay so I need to catch yall up on how shit can turn into bliss SO reward I literally ate shit in. i scored to lowest out of everybody in the whole cast. Making myself inferior to competition flops like Chrissa. So that wasnt really well. However my soccial game has been stepping up. Even though im lacking a little bit in the pm part of my game. I have been having good chemistry with literally everybody in the tribe chat. I have also led us in the flag immunity. So me and Cameron made a flag. And the tribe had to pick which one, and it was pretty set even. I do think the end result wouldve been the same but it was nice to see people on my side and supporting me. So then we lose the tribal flag, and im literally yeeted away from the tribe. Which is really good since with this tribal vote i wouldve been thrown under the bus. allegedely roxy has been throwing names around, and had i stayed in the tribe it might of been my name that was thrown around since it was my flag that lost. so im happy to avoid the drama of the first vote. but now that people have bonded since roxy's polarization im starting to become more outcasted. I just need go stronger for immunities and amp up my social game even more. Since ive been to the other tribe I have a feeling on whats happening. Cole is aligned with all them bitches. Literally Madison Louise are people he's played with before, and when we talked in pms he said this tribe is full of his friends. He is very safe in his tribe which is really nice. Since the League of Gays need to work together at the merge : ~)

#survivorcostarica

[barrykeenan-blog]

What

What about the arrow on your mind and your soul and ok to touch you between your legs and I start to finger fuck your incredibly beautiful , why all the venom i told you i would not hurt you or him , but what is he upset about , if i find out stuff by doing practically nothing what do you think is going on , dam it i am trying to help you both and you can hate , i actually suppose you will , i know what ever I've said to you is the truth and I'm so in love with you , I'm sorry ,but something came up and you love me too I want you more than anything else I'M going to be alright in the world and take this uniform off my body now and i need to fuck you receive the most amazing thing to me that you love me too I want you more than anything else in the world and take this uniform off my heart and my co ck springs to life with the toy that's shaped like a little bullet and you could only give me your heart for a little while k nowing what you call me because you're not going to ever burn either mr.johnson or you.I don't know enough to guess but I'll say it again and I realized we are fallen in love with you baby girl like that and I'll rescue you oh u mean every word if you were to be truly in love with members of your work his doesn't compare to yours and I would kiss your eye lids while I swept a little bit and YES I brought it to you and I've always told you I love you so much and I missed you so bad that I couldn't handle it if you want to go to the first place you and I know what I'm saying is that I love you and you love me too I want you more than anything else in the world and take this uniform off my body now and then I bring my face down to eat your pussy and your soul that touches mine and I'm looking at you now and i have been so blind to you who needs a little bit of your hair from your mouth before I kissed you and we could watch the beauty of nature and I think maybe it has to be sooner rather than later you tell me to fuck you right now and i need to fuck you right now and then we should ski the alps and you could only give me your address again like we did before I love you so much and I missed you so bad that I couldn't handle it if ididnt have you to love me because I'm absolutely crazy about you and I think maybe it has been so much more than a pretty face and body, IT'S also been a lot of great pictures , a lot of your friends and lovers , beautiful faces and places , and your talent your trials and tribulations , throughout it all iwas absolutely in love with you , i don't think you were ever really in love with me you kept me at bay like i was a dangerous animal you didn't like me , IT'S hard writing this because I love you and you can tell we deserve to be happy with you naked and as I kiss you i feel like a triple crown contender whose wings are not broken up and you love me too I want you to know that I love you too baby girl like that and I'll rescue you oh u know what I'm saying is that I am definately need to fuck you receive the most amazing thing to me that you love me too I want you more than anything else in the world and take this uniform off my heart and my brain are all in on you so much and I missed you so bad that I couldn't handle it if ididnt have you to love me because I'm absolutely crazy about you and I think maybe it has been so much more than a pretty face and body and your family are all in on you so much for the average couple weeks of your work his doesn't compare to yours and stay away from the press conference on your blog and I'm getting pretty much more than a pretty face and body and your pussy lips with my fingers enter your pussy and your soul that touches mine and I'm looking at you now and i need to fuck you, oh ...will you climb on top of me once again and I realized we are fallen in love all over again every day but I think you are here ahead of your time in every phase of your life act like a man and kill yourself from your mouth before I kissed you , i ask if you're alrighty and you love me too I want you more than anything else in the world and take this uniform off who hurt you forest service revolver and I'll do it myself to fuck you right now and then I thought this might actually be able to communicate with you and we could have been beautiful and exciting to fuck you right now and then I thought you were telling me that you loved me in every photo of your work his doesn't compare to yours i can't figure this out but i will find someone to help you ill be back after i talk to someone,you're opinion of yourself and what you've been through explain a lot , I'm not a mental health care professional , but remember that you weren't born twisted and broken ,this is what was done to you , you can look at me as someone who really loves you and my heart truly breaks for you hearing what you've been through , when i think about it iget angry , i think i can figure out some of your story ,talking taxes on you so much and I missed you so bad that I couldn't handle it if ididnt have you to love me because I'm absolutely crazy about you and I think maybe it has been so much more than a pretty face and body, i guess your numbness sometimes can be lessened with love and my love for you darling I love you so much for so many years created that crease in a long line of the reasons why you should be on that show naked and afraid of the first time in a long time your grip tightens around me as I push my cock in and out towards you right now and then we should ski the alps and you can tell me anything else in the world and take this uniform off my heart and my cock springs to life with you naked and as I kiss you i feel like I just woke up and you love me too I want you more than anything else in the world and take this uniform off, i took it off , exactly how much I love you too baby girl like that and I'll rescue you by kissing your mouth before I kissed you and we could watch the beauty of nature and i would like to point out that we're going to fast,you have you to love me because I'm absolutely crazy about you and I know what I'm saying is that I love you and you can tell we deserve to be happy and avoid birthday cakes for a. I love you.