#omigod thats just amazing

[crutchie-with-a-y]

so it’s girlsies day folks

I am a girl. 

I am a kinda short girl

I am a pretty smallish girl

I am a complete fucking goofball

I am not intimidating in the slightest

But I really, really, really want to play spot conlon. 

or any other teenage girl, at least. 

Now, do not get me wrong, I love love love all newsies equally, I would kill to play any of them not even lying. And we fuckin stan all genders of newsies be them, newsies, girlsies, or nonbinewsies (is that a tern?) on this blog. And I do firmly belive that all newsies can be played by a female and be female or by any gender, I am 10000% for male, female, and nonbinary newsies. 

but personally i would just love it that the most intimidating and feared person to a bunch of teenagers in 1899 was a chick. kinda like moi maybe?

was like a 5′4 girl with really thin eyebrows.

like imagine this. 

the audience, let’s just say it’s like a high school production, they’re watchin newsies. the cast is killing it, the dancings amazing, their voices are great, and the acting is brilliant. 

and all along theyre hearing about this spot conlons (dun dun duuUUUUUun) oooh and he’s supposed to be terrifying and hes got him some big brooklyn boyz and oh my god they’re here omg omg 

*brooklyns here starts playing*

all the brooklyn newsies have their back turned and in the center is sPOT the audience can FEEEEEEEEEL it. they can’t really see spot but there’s this big shadow behind them oooh ooh he’s scawy. 

the electic guitar the braaa bradadadundun

the giant brooklyn boys turn around to face the house, and oooh damn those boys are buff son

and then in the middle spot turns around, surrounded by all these jock newsboys.

and it’s this small girl whos trying to sing and make history and all while laughing too hard at her own joke. 

and i mean she’s got her hair all down and messy and maybe she got a lil flower bur sure as hell. thats spot. omg maybe she has a little marilyn manroe beauty spot. 

can you IMAGINE being in the audience for that? ‘

because idk bout y’all but personally, while I think spot is played EXTREMELY WELL in both Newsies live and 1992sies, (seriously tho tommy bracco’s like authoratative-ness and the way gabriel damon use his EYES brooo) 

I think I would personally be more intimidated, at least if I was alive then and now I guess, by a teenage girl who ran the toughest group of teenage rougheans/newsies and was feared by hundreds of other teenagers in the same buisness all across new york in 1899, before women could even VOTE.

imagine the shit this girl would have to do and go through to prove herself then? 

and also imagine being a six year old girl back then, or even just in the audience of that show? Seeing the most boss ass bitch a long long time ago was a girl! just! like! her!

omigod and throw me playing spot out the window and have a young woman of color do it!!! that would be INCREDIBLE!!!!!

idk my dude opinions anyone? 

#newsies #newsiestober #spot conlon #spot newsies #girlsies #girlsie #newsies spot #newsies spot conlon #brooklyn newsies #spot conlon newsies #newsies fanifc #newsies fanfiction #newsies opinion #newsies production

[beccas-awful-bangs]

My LIs

 thanks @superstarseangayle for tagging me :)

It Lives in the Woods:

Who I’m romancing: Andy

Second Choice: uhhhhhhhhh lucas maybe? or stacy but she carries the whackface gene from her mum/brother so yikes

Most underrated LI: hm ava or lucas probs

Most overrated LI: I dont think there really is

Least favourite LI: prince charming from shrek 

Who I wish was an LI: I’m good after noah fucked us over

The Royal Romance:

Who I’m romancing: finally, i can say maxwell

Second Choice: hana!! my beautiful cinnamon roll!!

Most underrated LI: hana!! my beautiful cinnamon roll!!

Most overrated LI: the man made up of 90% whiskey

Least favourite LI: ^^

Who I wish was an LI: OLIVIA OLIVIA OLIVIA

The Crown and the Flame:

Who I’m romancing: welll the first time i played it agesss ago it was Kenna x Raydan but I’m thinking of replaying with val as my LI. oh and ofc Dom x Sei (or as far as i could get them with my broke ass)

My Second Choice: Kenna and Val obviously and Jackson x Dom

Most underrated LI: hM tbh i havent read that series in ages i cant even remember who are LI but i think tevan because for most of us broke people that bitch died

Most overrated LI: diavalos i think

Least favourite LI: rose my gOD was she annoying

Who I wish was an LI: nahh

The Freshman/Sophomore:

Who I’m romancing: Becca

My second choice: Zig (i was planning on dating him before becca came along and lost her bangs)

Most overrated LI: uhhhh idk

Most underrated LI: hm jomes or kaitlyn i think

Least Favourite LI: uhh i dont really have one tbh

Who I wish was an LI: another no from me

Endless Summer:

Who I’m romancing: Estela (ahdksnsbs the love of my life)

Second Choice: SEAN omigod he is amazing

Most overrated LI: Hm ! Well thats a hard one ! 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

okay yeah its jake

Most underrated LI: very obviously quinn

Least favourite LI: yikes if i had to choose one…probably jake sorry boi we were once in love but only bcause his nicknames piss me off, his whole macho act with sean in book 1 and also some of the ott jake stans (most of you are lovely its just a select few…u know who im talking bout)

Who I wish was an LI: nah im good

Hero:

Who I’m romancing: Kenji…my boyfriend lost at war…

Second Choice: Eva..,it was a hard pick between her and kenji

Most underrated LI: ehh probably grayson but also a little eva

Most overrated LI: they all deserve the love

Least Favourite LI: nah they’re all cool

Who I wish was an LI: uhh idk

Red Carpet Diaries:

Who I’m romancing: Teja probably

Second Choice: Victoria??

Most underrated LI: eh idk

Most overrated LI: matt

Least favourite LI: uhh seth but only because he suddenly acts like we’re bffs even tho we’ve only talked for like 2 seconds

Who I wish was an LI: yeeah idk

edit: yikes just realized i somehow missed like 3 books so gotta do those now i guess

HSS:

Who I'm romancing: Aiden

Second Choice: uhhh idk emma??probably

Most underrated LI: anyone who isnt michael tbh

Most overrated LI: Michael

Least favourite LI: uhh michael? i dated h8m for a while but got pretty bored of him. Also caleb and the whole hall monitor plotline got pretty shit pretty quick

Who I wish was a LI: no one

HFTH

Who I'm romancing: i close my eyes and tap thru these chapters super fast just for the diamonds o k so i guess holly??

Second Choice: death

Most underrated LI: no

Most overrated LI: Nick. and whackface

Least Favourite LI: I can only choose one?!

Who I wish was a LI: Charles so I could steal his helicopter and fly straight out of the hellhole that is Hoe Hoe Hoe's life

ROE

this book is dead to me

tagging - you can just ignore this if u dont wanna or if uve already done it /been tagged so uhh

@choicesaholic @jakenji-stan @zagmund @nerdy-twin @pixelberryprincess and yeah thats it

#yeet #about me #?

[border-----line]

Sinking into my own manhole filled with self-pity and absolute pathetic insecurities, week 7 vibes

This is such a strange feeling. 

I looked at her today, and saw my reflection peering back at me from within her brown eyes and I knew that I had hopelessly fallen in love with her, every part, every word slipping out of her mouth, every fibre of her very being-- I had fell astronomically and completely in love with. My broken mind hadn’t felt such a PURE feeling in such a long time that the words that I was dispelling into the air sank back down to my feet and dispersed themselves in a misshapen pile, letters zooming in and out of my sight in an attempt to form some legible order. 

Society has developed such a construct on the amount of time it SHOULD take for a human to fall in love with another-- it has even crafted an almost scientific methodology in which it should be AT LEAST three months before one can tell his or her partner that he has, for any amount of time, felt love.

I. Love. You.

Those three words have so much weight, and God knows that today, every inch of my mouth was begging my consciousness to loose them upon her forehead, to declare that I was, in fact, TRIUMPHANTLY HERS. But I bit back my thoughts and instead, kissed her lightly on the cheek, as the darkness and cold from outside the window creeped in and tapped me on the shoulder, its snarling wisps of color draining my skin of its flush and ensnaring my mind with its grasp-- I felt the worst type of feeling anyone could feel in this situation.

I felt scared. 

I looked upwards, and I could see the walls collapsing towards my body; she disappeared and I began to tunnel back inside, a circle of light getting smaller and smaller and suddenly I couldn’t breathe, because I knew. I knew that I was about to tell a girl 

Who may never love me

That I was tragically in love with her.

I’ve been extremely melancholy for the last few days, waking up to a bleak sunrise in a white boat, ripples of water sliding under my oar and disappearing, never to come again. 

From this point on, dear readers, you will realize how much of a petty, sick, insecure, and useless bastard I am. But I’m sure half of you already knew this deep inside somewhere, so we shall continue on our way. 

AND NOW BECAUSE I GOT THE POETIC SHIT OUT OF MY SYSTEM IM JUST GOING TO WRITE. OH BY THE WAY, YES, I THINK IM IN LOVE. FUCK THE SYSTEM. 

I FEEL HOPELESS AND ALONE. 

The thing with Hannah is that she, oh my God I feel SO PETTY AND DISGUSTING while I write this, but she doesn’t express her feelings for me in the way that I’d like her to . Yas always tells me she just “expresses it different” and I KNOW that Hannah likes me but I just can’t hold back how sad I get when I (OMIGOD ITS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT BOTHER ME AND HONESTLY Y’ALL WILL PROBABLY SAY THESE THINGS ARE USELESS)

1) I always tell her I think she’s beautiful. And I truly do, it’s something I want to tell her more often but I can’t because it just makes me feel like I like her SO much more than she likes me. But she rarely/never compliments the way that I look or the way that we look as a couple and it kills me. Because, secret, my longest insecurity since birth has been my physical appearance. THATS WHY WHEN I THINK BACK TO LAST SATURDAY I GET SUPER FUCKED because she was tipsy and she told Geoffrey for like fifteen minutes that when she first met him he was really fucking cute and she was being touchy with him IN FRONT OF ME and then she turned to Tyler and tapped him on the shoulder and said 

“When I first met you I thought you were so....” and then she saw me looking and told him that she’d tell him later.... AND YAS TOLD ME when she first saw our group she thought one of us was much better looking than the others and IT WAS OBVIOUSLY FUCKING TYLER CUZ IT ALWAYS IS BUT WHY WOULD SHE MENTION THAT IN FRONT OF ME. and I feel fucking hORRIBLE because while she RARELY ever tells me how she thinks any part of me is attractive, the first chance she gets when she’s tipsy she does THAT. 

and i thought I’d be okay until the day after Tyler texts me and asks if I know what she was going to tell me. 

and OKAY some people will probably say that’s unfair (??) BUT LIKE we don’t even do anything PHYSICALLY SHE WON’T EVEN LET ME KISS HER FOR TOO LONG AND it’s really really killing me because

IM IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL

and I know I shouldn’t be comparing relationships but I see so many of my friends getting into committed relationships and their girlfriends, are well, just obsessed with them, with their bodies, with the concept of showing them physically that they’ve committed to them. And I just feel sO alone. 

2) She rarely TELLS me what she feels about me. I’m a very vocal person, I see whatever’s on my head, and I expect others to do the same. She tells me to not worry and be insecure, but she’s rarely ever there to comfort me with her words. 

3) AND LIKE THING IS FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS I WAS SO SAD and so down and she didn’t know/ask. 

And the thing is I feel horrible about wanting more attention, I feel needy as shit, I feel fucking clingy as fuck, and it makes me mad because I know that I’m NOT  a clingy person, I’m usually NOT insecure, and I don’t ever feel this way about anyone and now I’ve let my fucking guard down and fallen for a girl that may not know how to love and may not know how to express her emotional affection for me (because I’m confident it exists, I think???) and y’all will probably call me clingy and needy as shit but real talk

what if your boyfriend/girlfriend pulled away from your kisses half the time and hardly ever initiated words of affirmation or affection.

You’d doubt yourself and your partner’s emotions for you too.

AND LISTEN, DISCLAIMER

she does do all those things, she tells me I’m attractive, she tells me she likes me, she texts me and asks if I’m okay.

Just not nearly as much as I THINK  a normal girlfriend should

I’m a little bitch. I know. I’m needy, I’m insecure, and I’m destructive. But one thing I can do is that if I feel a certain way about someone, I’ll let her know. And I’ll treat her right. I’ll treat her like she’s one of my main priorities. She’s amazing, this girl. I’m just sad that the person I like doesn’t do that for me.

I feel alone. Very very alone. I miss home. 

Paul

2/23/2018