#on the bright side i listened to mer sketiana's advice and got some allays and they. help.

[dubiouslexism]

not to be a freak but i have no clue what i'm supposed to want to do for my birthday

#it's my 21st #and it's supposed to be a big deal i guess #it's a week away now #and literally all i can think is that my mom is going... #i was going to write is going to die #she already passed. she already passed. it's august second 2022 #it'll be my first year without her #she was in the hospital last year and i thought she wouldn't remember bc she was struggling with the months #kept saying it was june #and then the first thing she said was happy birthday to me #i remember. i don't know when. i can't remember when. but she said for my 21st we'd go to vegas #and play black jack in the swimming pools #i just want to wake up and this past year was an elaborate nightmare #even if i wake up and it's still august 2021 and she's still in the hospital #at least she's still here #goddamn it i made myself cry #i just feel so lost and disconnected #on the bright side i listened to mer sketiana's advice and got some allays and they. help. #somehow they help