#other side note thing im beyond excited to see taylor and have weird anxiety about it but meh. im fucking PUMPED

[ilostyou]

lallaaalalala just some things on my mind

#this has been a rant #<- in advance. im going off in the tags. xo #getting close to making a decision abt doctoral programs is STRESSING ME OUT even tho i think ik which i'll choose #one ik will be a good school environment and will be manageable but the other has much. better training and will prep me for #literally anything i could want to do with a whole ass doctorate afterwards when im licensed #next thing. i fucking hate that i have no clue what i look like objectively lmfao. losing weight is great and all (healthy) but #it's fucking with my idea of myself even more than it ever was bc. now it's a 'bad' thing that some things look big on me #(bc THEY FUCKING ARE lol) like today i ended up buying some clothes and yay great but like. my mom was like #yeah so you can wear these instead of what. ur wearing now bc that's gotten big on you etc #and im just ksjghdf it's just a little baggy and also i like it?? but ok whatevesjkdkfdhkh i like the. new ones too im juyst. ?? #just in general there's always gonna be Something yknow? annoying. anyway #next thing is that im away w family rn and lovemy fam love spending time with them but it;'s been TWO DAYS and im already #losing......so much patience with some people like. my younger cousins. im. GRR.and i love having some other people around #but we're meeting up w the rest of our group tom and we'll basically be DOUBLE in size for the next week plus and im so #nervous that i'm already at my last nerve with everyone adn that i'll be too overwhelmed/tired/etc that i won't enjoy the rest of the trip #next thing is that it's WILD graduation is literally in six weeks but so mmuch has to happen before then it's making me dizzy #other side note thing im beyond excited to see taylor and have weird anxiety about it but meh. im fucking PUMPED #another thing. it's someones bday tomorrow who ive had a Rough year with (ive mentioned stuff abt them before) and it's just. weird feeling #i dont rem if they even texted me for my bday now im curious im gonna go look lmfao but. obv i'll text them anyway #it's just ... lots of weird feeling thinking abt how much has changed in a year with them. shrug #ok maybe that's it woo