#otherwise i would love to drown myself in suicidal ideation and just figure out hiw to pull it all off

[weenhands]

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#vent #really triggering stuff ahead #ummm!!! my entire life and everything thst brings me down really is just about being triggered #so fucking triggered #and i just remembered someting and i am crying so hard!!!! bc it upsets me #and i am consumed w how much of a failure i am to everyone #like it is so insane how it is so Easy for me to just be such a disappointment #in so many ways #and ik i say ive been getting better but #i genuinely have been having serious thoughts of ending my life since around november #and its not the way how it normally would be whenever i am doing through depressive episodes #like. i tell myself i probably will and its not me being like Lol Okay its me #finding genuine comfort. whenever i get triggered or i remember how im just #sucha terrible fucking human being #i tell myself that its okay ill be ending my life anyways like its all cool #and i hate that i cant more than i hate that i hsve these thoughts #i cant leave robin alone. i cant ruin my family's lives. #those are the only things #otherwise i would love to drown myself in suicidal ideation and just figure out hiw to pull it all off #all dsy long #i hate my past. i hate everything thats happened to me #i hate everything that i have done to others #i hate this stupid personality disorder #i hate my poor emotional regulation. i hate my disability #i just want to end my life so the pain would go away and so i can run from everytbing thats ever happened #and they get more intense overtime and tonight theyre back again and it soothes me knwoinh #that theres an end #at least an accident. something. anything..... #i cant stop thinking about everything and thinking too myself that it would be so nice and good to just #to just die already