#peb is stressed and seeby

[liminalpebble]

Cw: personal mental illness venting. Just life bullshit. Can this be a "Get Help"? I just need to know I'm not alone. If reading about someone else's heavy mental shit right now is too much, I completely understand and respect that. Care for yourself first, please, always.

I have a job that requires me to memorize a lot of things, and a badly spiraling mental illness that is making that nearly impossible.

I can't remember much, big or small. I'm touching, hearing, feeling everything through cellophane. It's all a blur. It all feels the same. I can't even tell when I'm hungry. I can't even care if I am.

I just want to sit on the floor and hold a very small kitten or puppy and pet it and hope I can cry because he's just so tiny. It might fix me. Well...I mean...it won't fix me. I desperately need a medication adjustment and I am counting the days until that appointment...and hopefully, eventually, that will fix me.

I'm just trying to hang in there until there's help, and I'm trying to do it more like that motivational poster of a kitten, and less like a noose. I want to stay brave and stay kind and stay grateful in the middle of all this pain...in the middle of what feels like a secret personal apocalypse. I'm not sure how to, but god, I am trying.

I'm trying to ignore the voice in my head that's been repeating the same mantra since I was 12 years old (sometimes whispering and easy to ignore, sometimes screaming as it is now). It always says the same thing. "This is going to kill you someday, and you don't get to know when."

There's a doomsday clock in my head and I don't know when it will strike...when the bombs will fall...if they fall. There's some asshole somewhere leaning dangerously close to that big red launch button.

But I'm still here. I think. Somewhere behind the cellophane, watching the sky for bombs.

I'm sorry to ask. But can we do Get Help?

@sweetsigyn @lokisgoodgirl @goblingirlsarah @gigglingtiggerv2 @smolvenger @little-wormwood @littlelokilad @coldnique @muddyorbs @lokischambermaid @ladyofthestayingpower @mischief2sarawr @icytrickster17 @anukulee @acidcasualties @mochie85 @mischiefmaker615 @loopsisloops @somnambulic-thing @azula-karai-27 @sailorholly @thenerdyoldersister @thedistractedagglomeration @marcotheflychair @textsfromthetva @loz-3 @eleniblue @word-wytch @sarahscribbles @infinitystoner @joyful-enchantress @jennyggggrrr @elegantkoalapaper @alexakeyloveloki @fictive-sl0th @unlucky-number-13 @buttercupcookies-blog @glitchquake @veemoon @leelei1980 @ijuststareatstuffhereok89

#peb is stressed and seeby #peb's rambling #lovely mutuals #lovely fanfic friends #lets do get help #mental illness sucks but at least i'm witty #mental illness

[liminalpebble]

I feel ya, Eddie. I FEEL YOU.

@elegantkoalapaper @veemoon @word-wytch @leelei1980 @hellfirenacht @joejoequinnquinn @josephfakingquinn @little-wormwood @sweetsigyn

#peb's memes #peb's shitposting #eddie munson #peb's back on her bullshit #peb is stressed and seeby #yes yes i'm very funny #eddie munson memes