#perhaps the worst lens to live life through but unfortunately it is now ingrained lol

[pochapal]

getting a bad grade in gender identity because i value self expression infinitely less than i value human connections

#:) #in the most juvenile way my gender stance hasn't really changed since i was 14 #in the sense that 'i'll be whatever gender gives me the best odds of someone falling in love with me' has always been the guiding ethos #perhaps the worst lens to live life through but unfortunately it is now ingrained lol #if we're gonna be honest and vulnerable if i wasn't doomed by the narrative i would be SUCH an insufferable lovepilled romantic type #instead i have the Horrors and wacky identity hijinks and my silly stories to sustain my existence #which to be fair is probably far more materially beneficial in the long term! i just need a healthier relationship to selfhood lmao #anyway i'm just rambling because it's late but clock changes mean i don't feel tired yet #also i guess this is some kinda weird stress pressure release for everything i have going on next week lol #imagine when i'm in a good place and can just work on my projects again lmao