#post the actual action bc tumblers

[darth-bagel]

{WIP ask game} *squints at the list trying to figure out if I recognise any of the others* uhhh...small blessings, maybee? ovo XD

OH, this one is the Sylvas and Z smut, or rather Revas and Z since it's still before the Nar Shaddaa Incident.

I remember putting parts of it up as I wrote buuuuut-- a snippet is a m u s t here.

He combs softly through their hair and they smile when he catches their eyes, letting them fall back, and they couldn't look more content as he starts wiping them down, practically purring on his hands when he cleans them up, then applying some cold kolto to where the purple marks look the most likely to cause problems, before wrapping them up in the bedding. They try to cling to him, to his hands to pull him down beside them and he nearly lets them-- "Give me a second love, just rest for now" he whispers against their lips with a small peck and they whine but settle down, turning lazily to the side to finally plop back with their head down in the pillows.

He can't stop a wide smile pushing at his lips at that so he leans down to kiss their bare shoulder before bringing everything back to the bathroom, cleaning and drying himself up-- when he returns they are back to snoring.

"Oh, Revas--" he climbs on the bed beside them, running his fingers through their hair softly, his smile mellowing into something just as vulnerable-- he slips under the covers and his smile only widens when it takes them barely a few seconds to have themselves tucked right against his chest, their head secure under his chin as he wraps them up in his arms, just as tightly against him.

He wanted this, wanted to have them this close more often, maybe even always and that thought should worry him-- but it doesn't.

#swtor #my swtor #darth bagel answers #darth bagel writes #oc: sylvas sha'ael #chiss #oc: graz'zt tenar'ri #sith pureblood #wip ask game #i know for a fact i did not put up this part so uwu #a snippet #post the actual action bc tumblers #also fckn i wanna post it so psfkldfklsdf #there #good pick. goooood pick uwu #askbox still open for the wip thing 😉

[upwardeath]

k here’s some more words you’re not going to read. If you actually do you’re my hero. Thanks for tagging me @holy-panther. Also answering some I didn’t get to earlier.

@kishka questions:

1. Which language sounds the nicest to your ears?

Italian.

2. Does your native language have any dialects you absolutely cannot stand? If yes, why?

Southern American is annoying. Particularly Southern Appalachian. But maybe just bc I grew up in the south.

3. Which is your favorite place you’ve ever been to?

Switzerland, maybe, or any place where I’m completely surrounded my mountains. There are some awesome places here in Colorado. Standing on top of a mountain I just summited is a fave. Sitting and talking with someone I love anywhere.

4. What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve seen an animal do?

My dog ate a giant ass toy giraffe, how in the hell he managed to choke that thing down, I don’t know, but he did and had to have surgery to get it removed.

5. How do you take your tea/coffee/preferred hot beverage? 

Espresso. Or Americano. But I prefer iced coffee tbh.

6. If you could cosplay any character, which one would you choose? Why?

Some badass femme fatale, I don’t know. Because hot.

7. What details in character designs catch your eye the most?

Oooohhhh, good fucking question. The eyes. Clean lines. Not overly complicated. And the thing that draws my eyes the most is emotion in the expression and dramatic movement in the body. But I guess that’s more what the character is doing and less about the design. I mean attractive character designs catch my eye, lol.

8. What is your least favorite art movement?

Cubism.

9. Moths or butterflies?

Why i gotta pick? Lol, moths?

10. What were you obsessed with as a child?

Collecting sports cards and rocks. My rock tumbler. LOL. Puzzles. My bike. Playing outside. Video games. Designing my dream home, I had a huge notebook and that thing was fucking amazing. Reading. Listening to music by myself in my room.

11. Do you have any houseplants? If yes, do you give them names?

I have some succulents and they’re the only thing I can keep alive. I had a palm that i liked but it died. I killed it. I don’t give them names. But i do talk to them. I just refer to them as little guys.

@holy-panther questions:

1. stupid things you did, whether recently or as a child

I used to “kamikaze” into the bayous on my bike and build forts, like I’d actually fortify it and build traps and weapons to keep people out, I made “bombs” in glass jars out of fireworks and set a vacant lot of fire.

2. do you like the place where you grew up?

In some ways yes, but mostly no I hate Houston.

3. favorite fiction genres

Already answered but I like fantasy too.

4. in what kind of place do you want to be right now?

Not in America I can tell you that.

5. musical recommendations?

I don’t feel like deciding on any right now but I post songs, you can check my music tag.

6. do you believe in eternal love?

Yes.

7. ideal house/apartment?

Something with wide open space inside and/or out. Something with access to a big city. Or a cabin in the woods.

8. would you rather read a book or watch a movie?

Book, unless I’m very tired.

9. The movie, would you rather watch it at home or at the movie theater?

Home usually unless it’s action/adventure.

10. documentary or museum? why?

Museum, I love art, and while I dig documentaries to, I have more fun in a museum?

11. walk in town or in the wild?

Both.

12. would you let me draw on your arms without looking at what i'm doing ?

Yes.

And here’s my questions again if anyone wants to answer them:

My questions (I’m yoinking some from others):

1. Names you find beautiful?

2. What’s a song that embodies you as a person best?

3. Do you have any weird/out-there theories? What are they if I may ask?

4. Do you have a favorite enneagram/mbti type?

5. What’s the thing that annoys you most?

6. Where would you live if you could choose one place in the world?

7. What are your hobbies?

8. What are your religious beliefs, if any?

9. Do you like pizza? Yes or no?

10. Do you have any vices and what are they?

11. What’s something random you were thinking about today?

Tagging: @syntheticalcomposure @descardess @de-nihilist @antisocieties @azenta @alverlind @new-born-1997 and anyone else who clicks on my stuff and I click on theirs.

#about me #long post #what’s the point of tagging long post

[revenge-goth]

addiction: a life update

so im gonna post an update on my life. not that yall want it or will even read it but i really need this rn soo. also theres a lot im not gonna iclude bc i wanna talk about addiction. theres a lot to be said about gow i used sex as a coping mechanism, my relapses with self harm, and my journey w medications and mental illness. ill save that for another time. also huge trigger warning for addiction, rape, and suicide.

----------

i started drinking back around 2013 when i was 15. from there, i became a high functioning alcoholic for the next three years. i would always start my day drinking, always took tumblers w alcohol to school. no one really noticed until around my senior year when it really started to become more of a problem due to having been in a really sexually abusive relationship. i did it to cope with everything. i was scared about the future since i never thought i was going to make it past 17 and my 18th birthday was slowly approaching. i was scared about college and growing up and what i wanted to do with my life. i remember being really drunk when receiving my awards and scholarships at a school district function. i remember i found it funny that a fuck up like me was representing my high school and seen as a really successful student while i was masking my drunken state.

by the time i went to college i was blowing through cash for alcohol, i stole from bars, i stole from frat guys. i lied a lot. i did a lot of stupid shit.

during this though, my following on twitter was growing steadily. my drunken thoughts and actions became peoples entertainment and was sensationalized by those around me. people would recognize me as sandia goth in public, people wanted to party w me, people wanted to hang w me, people loved that version of me.

in 2017 i started abusing pills after being raped at a party. i was really drunk when it happened and i dont really remember it. that night is one of those regrets i have to carry with me for the rest of my life. at first i would abuse sleeping meds. later on i started to abuse the fuck outta my antipsychotics. eventually i was prescribed ativan, a benzodiazepine, and that was the beginning of my downward spiral. i was constantly downing pills with a bottle of vodka every night. i was always really careless. i had it in my head that maybe taking all those pills and drinking would eventually end up killing me and that one night i just wouldnt make it home. i dont remember a lot from that period in my life. i remember vague things like stading out on my dorms balcony while all the color around me was extremely saturated and everything was shiny. i remember waking up after a really bad bender in my own vomit. i remember how disappointed my sister was. i remember staring at the bathroom floor.

i hit rock bottom that december, i had tried to commit suicide multiple times in my life but this time i felt like it was a lot more real and a lot more final. it didnt happen though. i dont remember christmas and in my drunken state i lost the christmas present my sister was so excited about giving me. looking back at pictures you could tell that i wasnt there at all and that my family was taking notice.

in january 2018 i checked myself into an inpatient hospital to get sober. i was terrified. i showed up to the hospital intoxicated. they ask you a lot of questions when you come in and i remember talking about everything and just laughing about it. the assessor was really creeped out. they made me sleep it off in a waiting room before they let me into the unit.

it helped a lot and i met a lot of people i wont ever forget. it was kind of weird being the youngest there and group was rough. i remember staying in my room and not being able to go eat because my heartrate was at 52 and i felt actually dead. the withdrawal process was really difficult and staying off was even harder. the first thing i did when i was discharged was drink a whole lot, get high, and had my friends drive me across half of the valley going 90 on the freeway while blasting lcd soundsystem with the windows down at 3 am.

after that i decided that it was time to really stop. my parents had cleared out the liquor cabinet and moved me to a room downstairs with no lock where they could keep an eye on me. they found my stash and threw it out. i also started smoking a lot of fuckin cigarettes. i was sober for about 5 months.

i started drinking again but just socially. a healthy amount. i was good except for a few hiccups here and there until march 2019 when i was raped, again, at another party. i was sober this time which really fucked me up. i remember everything and still have nightmares about it. i started abusing medications again and smoking a lot of weed. i was high for about three weeks before i became suicidal and called the cops on myself so i could be hospitalized. i would end up being hospitalized for two weeks. when i got out i started snorting ambien (which is fuckin wack and i dont recommend). that landed me back in the hospital two weeks later. i would be hospitalized two more times before being stable enough to not have someone taking care of me 24/7.

and we come to now. last week i relapsed. i got really sick though bc the wine i drank was spolied. it really scared me though because i thought my braincells were dying because of all the pills i had snorted (i literally thought this) but it was just the wine. it kind of scared me back to my senses though that that path is not the fuckin way to go.

ive recently gotten back to the things i love: music and art. i reopened my tumblr acct, found my sketchbooks from high school and dug up my old music. doing all of this, including doing a lot of research on my old icon gerard way, watching life on the murder scene and crying because ive been there, and seeing frank iero live, has (as ridiculous as it may sound to most that someone you look up to can be a saving force) made me consider getting clean for 2020. for real this time.

sometimes i miss her. the sadia goth everyine loved and looked up to. i lost a lot of friends when i got sober and even more followers. thats not important in the grand scheme of things, it was an empty sense of validation for me. whats truly important is that im not her anymore. im me. addiction prone, mentally ill, over medicated, lonely, sad, artistic, gives no shits, emo trash, goth icon, uses way too many gerard way references, astrology loving, empathetic to a fault, me.

i know that this is something im going to struggle with for the rest of my life, but i really want to go forward knowing that im trying my hardest and giving it my best shot. this is possibly my hardest feat, my biggest challenge in life, but im trynna make it and ill sure as fuck never let it take me alive.

xoxo,

-sandia goth

(alondra)