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bemorecronch · 7 years

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I'm Sorry- What Did You Say? (Jared Kleinman X Reader)

WARNINGS: fucking daddy!kink. Swearing, spanking, hard smut. Like seriously this gets dirty so..

ALSO this was inspired by problematicc-favs’s daddy!kink headcanons. You’ve probably already seen them but if you haven’t CHECK ‘EM OUT

Jared kissed down your throat, lips leaving little track marks as he went. You brush your fingertips against his hands as he holds your wrist into the sofa; pressing you down further. It was always hot when he was on top like this. You wrap your legs around his hips as he moves to your clavicle. You lean your head on the armrest and arch your back, fully aware that tomorrow you’re going to have wear a turtleneck in then middle of summer. Jared bit down harder than before and earned a small, shaky breath from you, “oh god, Daddy.” You freeze. It’s out before you can stop it, and you press your lips together in the feeble hope that he hasn’t heard you.

He stops; pulling away; looking down at you and grinning like an idiot, “I’m sorry- what did you say?” You feel yourself turn red and push him off of you, “nothing. I didn’t say anything. Shut up.” You can’t even look at him, you don’t have to in order to know that he’s losing his shit and giggling like a moron, “you called me daddy.” You feel like your whole face is on fire as he leans in, “you want daddy to punish you, princess?” He stutters his laugher through a whisper and you instantly stand up and cross your arms- mortified, “Dude, shut up.” He bites his lip and cocks his head slightly. You feel him wrap his arms around you from behind and rest his head on your shoulder, “I’m sorry… “ you relax as he kisses your neck, “c-can daddy make it better?” He chortles and you push him off you.

“Listen, asshole.” You start, but he takes your chin in his thumb and foreigner and kisses you. He’s done this before to stop you talking- it was a dick move, mainly because it worked. He places his hand in your waist and you pull away, “you suck.” He’s still very clearly trying not to laugh, “I… I just didn’t a-actually think it w-w-was a thing people got off to.” He’s got this big, arrogant grin that makes you want to hit him. Nevertheless you both sit back down and go back to making out. His hand grazing up the side of your thigh and you honestly not trusting yourself to open your mouth incase you say it again.

A few days pass and he hasn’t brought it up again. You were used to you both mocking each other for shit like this for weeks- one time he called you “dude” during sex and you’d kept reminding him of it for a month. However he’d just dropped this. All you really felt was relief. Too at ease to actually wonder why Jared hadn’t brought it up again.

You were both alone in his back yard. His parents had gone out for the evening and naturally that meant you were both only half dressed as he pushed you against the side of the house. He pulled off your shirt and peppered light kisses down your chest as he held your hands above your head. He’d been going heavy for a few days and you were exhausted in the best possible way. He unhooked your bra and realised your hands for you to let fall to the floor, “Jared, your neighbours.” You whisper quietly as he rubs his thumb against your nipple, kissing the side of your neck. He nibbles lightly and you let out a small whine as he lightly squeezes your breast.

He unbuttons your jeans and slides his hand inside and your eyes flutter closed, “Jared, really- if anyone see…” You outwardly gasp as he moves your underwear to the side and letting two fingers slide inside you. You feel yourself go lightheaded and rest yourself against the wall, he brushes his thumb against your clit and you buck your lips lightly against him. You hum and as you open your eyes you see his, dark and watching you. You feel yourself clench as his thumb quickens and you try to catch your breath. He was pushing further against the brick wall and you could feel yourself letting go.

“Jared I’m going to…” You gasp and he kisses your neck, “say it again.” He whispered. Confusion hits you with the lack of blood travelling to your brain and you just lean back, “ah-a.” You gasp out and he’s curling and tensing his fingers as his thumb picks up a quicker rhythm, “oh my god,” you breath out and he unbuckled his jeans with one hand and takes out his dick. He rips the condom packet open and rolls it down himself before pulling your own jeans down further as you kick them off. Your almost dripping in his hand as he eases himself into you, and you cum on contact. Pulling his hair as your lungs ache for air. He’s thrusting hard inside of you as you bring one leg around him, softly moaning into his ear. His breath hitches, “Say-it.” He commands. And it is a command. His eyes are penetrating you and you feel yourself blush harder, because suddenly you understand what he wants you to say.

You’re not entirely sure if he’s mocking you, but he hits your g-spot at such an angle that you feel your inhibitions lessen to the point of not caring either way, “fuck me, Daddy.” You don’t mean it to come out into a whine, and you can feel him pushing further inside you, “Oh god.” He hissed, and you wrap your arms around his neck, you’re gasping into his neck and he increases his speed, “fuck yeah. I’m gonna fuck you till you can’t walk princess.” You rest your head against him and can barely stand, “please, Daddy.”

He pulls you off the wall and on top of him, sitting on the grass with you straddling him on your knees. You feel his hand smack your ass lightly as he thrusts up into you. You don’t realise you’re blushing so hard until his hand makes connection, the air is knocked out of you with shock and you look at him. He’s biting his lip and grinning that same arrogant grin; “you like that, baby girl?” He whispers and you can barely look at him. You’d never been this vulnerable and open about to side of you with anyone. He must see the hesitation in your eyes because he instantly brings his hand to your lower back and strokes lightly.

You see him go from this smug, horny nerd into a very caring person. His thrusts are slowly and you fear that he’s going to stop. Not now. Jesus you’re so close. You lean forward, “you can do it again.” You whisper and his eyes widen, looking at you in a ‘really?’ Sort of way. You nod and the corner of his mouth turns up, he brings his hand back down on your ass and causes you to jump. He does it again, a little harder and you let out a moan as he drives himself further still inside you. You let out a loud groan as you grind down on him and he brings you closer toward him, “you’re so fuckin’ hot baby girl.” He smacks you again and you feel yourself lose control. Your body shakes around him as your vision goes blurry. You cum around him again, gasping and twitching a little. Tightening yourself you feel him inside you.

“Fuck, Daddy.” You whisper, and his thrusts begin to get messier, losing their rhythm and pounding harder. He holds your hips and pushes you onto the ground with him on top of you, he holds your thighs up around him as he moves faster and harder until he almost collapses, you watch as he lets out a loud moan and cums inside you. Lying beside you and panting. You rest your head on the grass with your mouth parted slightly.

You look over to him, smiling a little as he wraps an arm around your shoulder, “I can’t believe you have a daddy kink.” You whisper and he looks down at you, “I didn’t think I did. The laughter and judging you was real at the time. But then today I just kept trying to get you to say it again.” You wrap your arms around his stomach and bury your head into him, “so what happened?” He rubbed his face and chuckled, “I couldn’t stop thinking about it when I got home…” You placed you hand on your chest in a mock-shocked expression, “did you jerk off to me?” You said it as a joke but he looked away from you and cleared his throat.

“Oh my god, did you?” You laugh and he shoves you, “to be fair you sounded great. Like a goddamn pornstar.” You raise your eyebrow, “gee thanks.” You mutter and he adjusts to lye on his side and look at you, “was the… Slapping…?” He trailed off and you felt yourself start blushing again, “No, no, I uh… It was really good. I just… I’m not usually that open with it.” You felt your mouth go dry and look up at him to see him beaming at you. You look at him cautiously, “what?” And he pulled you closer to him, “It… I don’t know. It’s really sweet that you trust me.” You’d usually roll your eyes, or squirm at something so sweet, but instead you kissed him. It was gentle and you feel yourself melt into him. You force yourself to pull away, “We should go in the house…” You look around and he raises an eyebrow, “you cold baby girl?” He sounds a little cocky and you start to get up,

“I know you’re still being kinky, but I am lying naked in your back yard so I actually am pretty cold..” You chuckled, and Jared nodded quickly, “oh-right, yeah.”

#jared kleinman x reader #jared kleinman #DEH #dear evan hansen #bemorecronch #problematicc-favs

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denimwrites-archive · 6 years

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Delicious Vegetals

Prompt: @problematicc-favs ‘s meme which idek where it came from but I love vegetables and I wanted to contribute to the cause.

Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen

Pairing: Connor Murphy x Reader

Summary: You go out to eat with the group and convince Connor to eat healthy for once and he enjoys it.

Word Count: 1,299

Warnings: THIS IS MADNESS I’M SORRY - maybe some language? idk

A/N: I am a proud member of the Vegetal Army, and I know my babes would support us in our cause. (Also I wrote this at eleven o’clock instead of working on requests oops). The vegetable puns I got from google because I’m not that clever. And I actually looked up some vegetarian recipes for this cause I try way too hard lol. Enjoy this mess I’m very tired and have no idea why I did this but I actually tried y’all.

~~~

It was a half day at school, the last day before Christmas break, and you and the squad had decided to go out for lunch to celebrate school being out for the rest of the year. Taking Connor’s hand in yours as you walk in the parking lot, you can’t help but smile thinking of the fun you’ll have with everyone.

“Where are we going for food? Cause I’m starving and I know I’m going to need something filling,” Jared says as everyone converges around Zoe’s car. Sharing a glance around the group, you just shrug with everyone else. Jared rolls his eyes with a sigh, “You guys are real helpful.”

“Oh, I know where we can go!” Zoe exclaims with a smile. “It’s this cute restaurant that opened downtown a few months ago that I’ve been meaning to try. Their little outside board is always decorated really nice, so why not give it a shot?” She looks around the group and the consensus is to go. Splitting up and heading towards your respective rides, you going with Connor and Zoe, Evan with Jared, and Alana in her own car. Then you’re on your way to lunch.

Zoe excitedly talks about the restaurant’s website and how the menu is really healthy, with plenty of vegan and vegetarian choices to try. Connor lets out a groan at that, but is soon assured that they have meat lover options as well. “But there’s nothing wrong with vegetarian food, Connor. I was actually considering becoming vegetarian and this is a good way to see what it’s like.”

This prompts another groan from Con and you give him a nudge and ask Zoe to keep talking about the restaurant, intrigued by it the more she says. By the time you get there, you’re really looking forward to the meal, but you wait outside with the Murphys, looking for your other friends.

While you stand there, you take in the outside of the restaurant. The aesthetic is rustic, but modern? It works surprisingly well, even if the name of it was a little odd: Vegetals. And Zoe was right about the board outside. It was covered in doodles of different vegetables, with puns. You couldn’t help but laugh at some of them.

Haters gonna hate, I don’t Carrot all. We know we’re Corny. Dill with it!

Kale your order in for pick-up: XXX-XXX-XXXX

Winning Best Vegetarian Variety in the State is kind of a big Dill.

If there is any Cornfusion about orders, please Lettuce know!

When you pointed the sign out to Connor, he scoffed, but you could see a smile peeking out the side of his mouth. Soon enough the others arrive and you enter the restaurant hungry and ready to have a good time with good food. But when you enter, you’re surprised to see that it’s almost like a Starbucks mixed with a Subway with the way the order system works.

Sharing a look of confusion with everyone else, Zoe decides to be brave and head up the counter first, the rest of you trailing behind her. She looks over the menu and decides to get some kind of vegetarian burrito bowl with a small side salad to go with it.

Alana orders next, getting some sandwich with a salad and some baby carrots on the side. Evan is next getting a soup with tofu, eggplant, and noodles. Jared and Connor scan over the menu in disdain, muttering to each other every few seconds. Rolling your eyes you step up and place your order, making sure to grab a healthy side of vegetables as well as a salad. Then it’s only the boys left and you share an annoyed look with Zoe before walking over to talk to the pare.

“Are you two going to order or not? We’re hungry, and won’t hesitate to start eating without you.” Jared sticks his tongue you at you and you return the gesture. Connor gives you a soft look before letting out a huff and stepping forward to order. He decides on one of the options with no vegetables, a plain burger, and you can’t help but shake your head at him. Jared ultimately orders a veggie wrap, and after waiting about twenty minutes, your food is ready.

Settling in to eat, you can’t help but groan at the taste of your dish, everyone else following suit when they dig in to their own food. There isn’t much conversation as you stuff your faces, but it’s still nice just to have good company with your amazing food. About halfway through the lunch, you start to talk again in between bites.

You notice Connor is only picking at his burger, and you take his hand under the table, giving it a squeeze. He gives you a tight smile before going back to poke his burger. Glancing at everyone else, you realize that they all got something with vegetables in it, except Connor. He had asked for just a plain burger, nothing but the meat, cheese, and bun. You hadn’t really touched your salad, too consumed by the main item you ordered, so you push the plate towards Connor.

He raises an eyebrow at you, and you just return the eyebrow. “You need to eat Connor, and if you aren’t going to eat your burger, why not eat something healthy? A salad won’t kill you.”

“Not that you know.” You level him with a glare and he turns to Jared, wanting some sort of backup, but even Jared seems to be happy with his nutrient rich lunch. Jared, the boy who could live off of junk food was enjoying something healthy. Vegetables no less. That got Connor’s attention and he considered the salad a little less critically. Looking back at you, he asks quietly, “Is it really that good?”

You nod your head, “It is. It’s nice knowing that you’re putting something good into your body. It might seem like a placebo effect, but it is really helping your immune system and giving your body cleaner energy and stuff. At least give it a try?”

Connor gives you one last look before tentatively digging into the salad. The second the food hits his tongue, his eyes widen in surprise before closing in bliss. He lets out an appreciative moan before opening his eyes once again and consuming the rest of the salad with enthusiasm. You laugh slightly at his fervor, but can’t blame him since the food is heavenly.

When you all are done, even waiting for Connor to finish the spicy chickpea soup he went back and ordered, you decide to get some desert. Heading back to the counter, you browse the selection and ultimately end up splitting a slice of cake with Con. Jared and Evan get some kind of sorbet, while Zoe gets a pastry, and Alana opts for some fudge.

As you eat, sharing bites with Connor, you can’t help but smile at the nice time you had today. You didn’t have to worry about school for a few weeks, and you were able to show your boyfriend that vegetables were actually good. “What are you smiling about?” he asks you, taking another bite of cake.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how we’re totally having our next date here, and have another amazing time.” He rolls his eyes with a smile, and just nods his head. Leaning in, you give him a kiss, enjoying the sweet taste of the cake on his tongue, slightly mixing with the remnant spice from his soup, making it the perfect blend of flavors.

Pulling away after a few seconds, you were really happy that you had come to Vegetals, and couldn’t wait for your next meal in that fresh, healthy atmosphere with the boy you loved.

Tag List: @helplesshansen

#connor murphy x reader #connor murphy fanfiction #connor murphy #connor murphy crack #dear evan hansen x reader #dear evan hansen fanfiction #dear evan hansen reader insert #dear evan hansen crack #deh x reader #deh fanfiction #deh reader insert #deh crack #musical x reader #musical fanfiction #musical reader insert #musical crack #not a request #my writing #I don't even know okay

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a-simple-gaywitch · 6 years

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I’m with @problematicc-favs and @robot-anon

EAT YOUR VEGETABLES

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thiccgameplays · 6 years

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Grandpapa.... great grandma got me.... i jus t ate a,, v e g e t a l -🌼

@problematicc-favs LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO MY GRANDCHILD

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pinetreeee · 6 years

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Why vegetals are better than froots

Fruits are much higher in calories and sugars. You have much more variety in vegetables than you do in fruits. Bees, which pollinate 90% of crops, have had a population decrease of 90% in the past few years. Soon, fruits will cost much more than vegetables because we will have to invest in more technology to pollinate plants. Fruits are much harder to pollinate so it will cost more, and make your price rise.

The natural sugars and calories in fruits may be contributing to obesity. Since fruits look and taste better, people tend to eat more than the recommended amount. Naturally, this will put more calories and sugar into the body and you will gain weight. With vegetables, you get all of the benefits of fruits, but none of the negative effects. In conclusion, this was a terribly and fast written essay, but it still shows why the VEGETAL ARMY WILL DESTROY FROOTS

@problematicc-favs

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emphatically-enthusiastic · 6 years

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@problematicc-favs why the hell is my dash filled with vegetals

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emmaghh · 6 years

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Thank you for tagging me @alpacaapprentice !!!!!

rules: tag 10 followers you want to know better

name: Emma

nicknames: emma grace face, grace, Gracie

gender: girl

star sign: Leo

height: 5'3”

sexuality: not straight

hogwarts house: hufflepuff

favorite animals: wolf

average hours of sleep: 6??

current time: 9:26 am

dog or cat person: DOGS

blankets you sleep with: two

dream trip: taking a private jet around the world

when I made my blog: last year?

how many followers: I think I have 20?

why I made my tumblr: I saw the funny text post on Pinterest

reasons for my url: Nickname

I tag: (I hope you don’t mind that I tagged you, you don’t have to do this thingy if you don’t want to ;) )

@ghostwheeze @oh-goose @problematicc-favs @logically-asexual @sincerlyyme @fly-like-a-grayson

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junipersheepy · 6 years

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AAHHHH

@problematicc-favs HI, THANK YOU OMG. I’VE BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR BLOG FOR FOREVER (HECK YOU WERE THE REASON THAT I GOT A TUMBLR IN THE FIRST PLACE) AND I WAS ALWAYS TOO SCARED TO INTERACT WITH YOU FOR SOME REASON AND NOW I’M HERE WITH THE VEGITAL ARMY.

#*cough* remember pillow humping evan #I've been here that long haha #nksjdcnksdjcn

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flan-anon-blog · 6 years

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Way back in the olden days of anons on problematicc-favs account I was known as spidermanon

That’s clever- how the fuck

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ilosebookmarks · 7 years

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OK Y’ALL SKIN SHOES IS BACK FROM BEING A GROWN UP

GROWING UP SUCKS, KIDS. I DON’T RECOMMEND IT.

Anyway, I’ve got a (late) fill for @problematicc-favs sin children and @watch-the-whole-world-disappear flower anon in particular, who requested:

Jared and Dom reader and him being like "there's no way that they're a better dom than me" and being proven w a y wrong idk how but Jared keeps being cocky about it and saying he's better and the reader just tells him to shut up and proves him so wrong.

This kind of turned more into Jared being a fuckin smartass who doesn't think you can dom(me) him and you proving him very wrong.

Pretty damn gender neutral! reader ftw (hopefully -- I really did try)

UNDER A CUT BECAUSE IT’S LONG (~1k)

ENJOY, FOLKS. I’m open for requests.

OK, so Jared is one of those casual Doms who only really gets dominant in the moment, and only when it feels right

He's actually pretty vanilla most of the time and talks about being kinky to sound more experienced. Y'all aren't in the lifestyle or anything, is what I'm trying to get across

One day you pitch the idea of dominating him, and he just bursts out laughing

He's had you pinned down and moaning and calling him Sir, and you think YOU can dominate HIM? HA fucking HA yeah right, but you go ahead and try, (y/n)

And oh man, the best way to make sure you excel at something is for someone to doubt you. So you start planning your revenge

Next time you're making out and it's getting steamy you ask if he's still up for letting you try to dom(me).

“If you think you’re up for the challenge, y/n. But I don’t know that you can handle all of this” (he gestures to himself)

"Oh my god. No more from you. Strip, you dork."

"But there's no music, babe."

You're fueled by 60% spite and 40% horniness by this point

"Shut up, Kleinman."

You never tell him to shut up. Those words usually make you feel kind of mean, but they suit the situation, and he's shocked enough to comply

"The only words I want to hear from you are please, thank you, and my name."

"What about fuck?” You give his butt a little swat.

“Shit?” A sharper smack to his ass,

“Oh god?”

You'll allow it.

He’s finally naked, in all his soft-bodied glory, posed with a hand on his hips and a bratty “now what?” smile on his lips. “On the bed, Jared.”

“You can end this whenever you want, baby. Remember that, okay? If it hurts, or you’re scared, or you just don’t like it, all you have to do is safeword and I PROMISE I’ll stop. Deal?” He nods. You seal it with a small kiss, followed by a more heated one, until you’re pulling his hair and full on making out.

He’s lowkey impressed by your speech because he never does anything kinky enough to really require a safeword. It makes him nervous, but in a good way, like he’s excited to see what’s coming.

You have him lie down on his back and grab the bars of the headboard.

“I’m gonna ride you, okay?” He moans. “But if your hands leave those bars,,,everything stops until I’ve made sure you won’t be moving anymore.” He whimpers.

“Holy shit, (y/n).”

“Color?”

“So green, (y/n)”

You get yourself ready, making a show of it for him, making more mess and noise than usual just to drive him crazy.

When you finally straddle him his cock is d r i p p i n g

the poor boy has been so turned on for so long.

“Are you ready, babe?”

“P-please...please, (y/n)”

“Okayyy...” You slowly tease the head of his cock over your hole, You love the way he whines, it makes you feel sexy and powerful, so you keep it up.

You can see the twitching in his arms and hands as he struggles to keep them still and where they’re supposed to be.

You decide to put him out of his misery and slide down the remaining length of his cock in one fluid movement.

Jared s h r i e k s and thrusts up, but you pull up off him

“(Y/N)! (Y/N), PLEASE. PLEASE” he’s sort of sobbing without actually crying, and you didn’t know that that was a Thing for you, but damn, apparently it is.

“Please what, hon?” you tease.

“Please...” his already flushed face gets even redder. “Please...(whispers) fuck me.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” You’re teasing his slit with one hand and holding down his hips with the other, “Please what?”

Every part of Jared is shaking. “Fuck me! God, (y/n), please fuck me! I’ll be good! I’ll be so good, just ride me, please, fuck...”

You cut off his babbling with a long, passionate kiss. When you come up for breath you check that his hands are in position, that his arms and shoulders haven’t locked up, and hover over his cock once more.

There’s no other way to say it, reader: you ride him into the fuckin mattress.

You’re loud and expressive and you take exactly what you want and get exactly what you need, and all Jared can do is watch and moan, whimper, sob, desperately gripping the headboard.

After you come you sort of collapse face first into him, giving him lots of kisses and soft caresses that you know he desperately wants to return.

But there’s still one small issue...ya boy is still rock hard.

“Was that not hot enough for you, Kleinman? You still think I can’t dominate the fuck out of you? Hm?” You lightly pinch his nipple and he closes his eyes in pleasure.

“Hey, none of that. Look at me.”

He does. You hold eye contact and slowly start stroking his dick.

“Now admit it.”

“Admit what?” Like this idiot doesn’t know. You stop stroking and he whines again.

“I’ll keep this up for as long as it takes babe. Do you really wanna do that to yourself? I’ll make you come right now if you want. All you have to do is admit that I’m just as good a dom(me) as you are.”

“God, (y/n), you’re so good, so hot, fucking perfect. So much better. Fuck, you’re so good at this and I love it now PLEASE make me come PLEASE god...”

You’ve heard what you need to hear. You stroke Jared’s cock quickly, no real skill needed when he’s this turned on, and he comes all over his stomach in near-record time.

You’re snuggling after he’s cleaned himself up. You plant a small kiss on his cheek and settle your head on his chest

[[contented silence]]

“I told you so.”

#deh smut #dear evan hansen smut #jared kleinman smut #jared kleinman hc

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