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#purity culture grabs me around this aspect more then any other
aviationfiction · 7 years
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XXII
Dante St. James
Exhilarating.
Intoxicating.
Addictive.
I’ve never felt anything as silky, velvety, and luscious against my skin until she meshed her supple lips into mine to create an unparalleled harmony between our mouths. The feel of her nails digging into the flesh of my neck enticed me; nearly beyond control, and I was left at her mercy as her flawless frame pinned itself to my own. Not to be outdone, I locked her into my arms and changed our positions so she was the one pinned against the elevator’s stainless steel walls instead of me. I’d poured every aspect of myself into that kiss; my tongue being the enforcer of my emotions and affections for the woman I was sharing it with. My hands relentlessly caressed, brushed over, and lightly grasped every accessible part of her, including the plumpness behind her that I so often find my staring at no matter what she’s wearing.
Time halted.
The world suddenly felt like a playground for only two souls and we’d lost ourselves into one another without care or concern of our location and it’s surroundings. In my blatant staring at Autumn as she enjoyed herself mostly with Mike and all of his antics, I realized that I undoubtedly have never set my eyes on anything or anyone more beautiful than she is. I thought I’d been a fool to believe that when I saw her for the second time as she formally greeted me at BlueStar. I’ve been to multiple countries, set my sights on mountains whether they were desert rocky or snow covered, seen the blues of the oceans, and most of all, walked amongst people from all of the world while taking in their similarities, differences, unique capabilities, and intriguing cultural backgrounds and yet this one woman superseded all of it. The essence of her soul is the embodiment of what it means to be genuine and her nurturing nature has not only entranced me, but has also been caring for my mind, body, and spirit since we’ve gravitated towards one another. She’s within my thoughts when I open my eyes every morning, implemented into my plans and schedule no matter how light or strenuous it is, and who I prefer to be around whenever time permits it…and even when it doesn’t.
I’ve seen a ton of films, read some of the greatest novels, and studied the works of the worlds greatest poets and writers. I’m not a discriminatory reader nor do I use my gender to limit my interests. I’ve taken in many different aspects of what romance is. Most importantly, I’ve had my attempts with it. Though unsuccessful, I’ve quietly sought for the undeniable heart to heart, mind to mind, and soul to soul tie to another human being who is perfectly suited for myself. In yearning for the emotional, I’ve tested out the physical aspects of it and though the climaxes came, the emptiness that followed took a blow to my gut time after time. In all of the kisses I’ve had over my nearly thirty years of living, none of them stimulated every aspect of myself in the manner that the one I had in the wee hours of this morning did. I nearly felt embarrassed as the chills followed by goosebumps, warmth followed by arousal, and the sparks followed by an endless need engulfed me and engraved the moment and her into my mind forever. A man my age was already supposed to have experienced all of that and tons more and yet here I am, nearly feeling like my purity is still in tact, and yet so pleased to know good things actually do come to those who wait.
“Yo!” I glance to the right of myself to give Mike the attention that he’d most likely been egging for for a couple of seconds and the look of confusion and agitation on his face matched the expression he’d given me just fifteen minutes ago.
“What’s up with you? You keep zoning out. This was a no for me as soon as we stepped inside. Fred’s not feeling it. Are you on board with that? Is it a no for you as well?”
He extended his arms outward to signify the space we were standing in and I turned in a complete circle to scan it’s perimeters once more and shook my head. Nothing about it drew any interest from me. Though I’m sure we could hire a contracting company for major renovations, consult with upscale interior design teams, and use our own expertise to turn this property into exactly what we’re looking for, I still don’t think it’d be enough. The square footage is odd. We pride our properties on intimacy and what we’re standing in is a social killer. Vegas is all about the glitz and glam; the grand nightclubs specifically constructed to make everyone feel like they’re someone of importance once they step past those velvet ropes. We’ve never cared for that style of ambiance and I’d rather we not start.
“Yeah, I’m on board with that decision. This is a no.”
“Cool. Let’s get out of here. I’m starving.”
“What’s new?” Mike raised an eyebrow as I took a jab at his endless hunger and he smirked.
“We’re going to find out over lunch. Nothing new is going on over here on my end, but I’m positive that you can’t say the same brother.” He glanced over at Fred for a co-sign and received exactly what he was looking when he chuckled and nodded his head as confirmation for the both of them plotting to intrude on what they’ve been curious about since this morning.
“Whatever. Lets keep it light. I’m taking Autumn out to lunch.”
“You can keep it light. I’m eating a full damn meal. You can starve until you eat with your woman if you want.”
The light chuckles between the both of them filled my ears until we were at the very front of the vacant establishment thanking it’s owner for allowing us to do a walk through on such a short notice. Though we’d make appointments with the others, we were given information about this property while viewing a spot over on West Flamingo Road. Once we gave him a call, he immediately agreed to drop what he was in the middle of handling and meet us here. Though it’s not what we we’re looking for, I respect his ethic.
“Grand Lux Cafe?”
“Fine with me.” I’d always preferred the international brand off of the Cheesecake Factory over it’s originator in the first place. The dishes were a decent spin on the best European cafes and French bistros. Whenever I’m over in Jersey at Mike’s house, we’d shoot over to the one right by Garden State Plaza and grab a meal that suited whatever the time of the day it was. He goes there so much that nearly all of the waitresses knows who he is. I’m sure his endless filtration plays a part in it as well.
“I do have a taste for those crispy Thai shrimp and chicken spring rolls. I’m with it.”
Though we could have left the car parked and walked down to the restaurant, the Vegas heat had already drained a ton of energy out of our bodies since our two hours of being out in it, so we drove. If it were up to me, I’d be in a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt while maneuvering around in this dreadful weather, but I dressed up in simplistic khaki pants, a Polo golf style of shirt, and Stan Smith’s collaboration with Adidas for my footwear. It’s not the business attire I’m used to for meetings but I could have shown up in a Hawaiian style button up shirt, shorts, and a pair of sandals for all these sharks could care. Money talks much louder than anything I could ever put on my back.
“Are we going to need drinks? Between you zoning out and that flustered expression on your face, I think alcohol might be needed.”
“Man, shut up.”
“So what happened after y'all left last night?” Fredrick cut straight to it just like I knew he would. He hadn’t even picked up his menu yet.
“Damn. Can we get the drinks first? Can we order the food?”
“I already know what I want. I want a Heineken and the Pastrami Burger. If I’m not too full, I’ll get the beignets for dessert. As a matter of fact, we can get them and share those shits.”
“Okay Mr. Prepared. I’m going with the Baked Rigatoni. Mai Tai for me. Jon B, what you getting?” A smirked danced along my lips and I couldn’t help but to laugh at yet another one of his cheap jabs at my complexion. He’s about the only person that I let get away with that.
“Crab cakes. Side of fries I guess. Mai Tai for me as well.”
“Good. That shit has four rums in it and you need all four of them to take you off of the edge of whatever you and Autumn were doing in that bed.”
“Sleeping? That’s what we did in that bed, Mike.”
“Aye man. You don’t have to be modest or lie to me. It’s just me, your best friend, shit, your brother. Y'all are two grown and single people. There’s nothing wrong with the pokey pokey.” Drips of water trickled down the sides of Fredrick’s mouth area as he failed to contain his budding laughter at Mike’s ridiculousness. “From the way you were staring at her last night, I figured you were bound to go for it. You looked like your damn head was about to explode.”
“There’s nothing wrong with the what?” His question to further Mike’s antics was followed with loud laughter.
“The pokey pokey.” Before I could knock down his assumption yet again, the waitress returned to the table for our order and my talkative best friend’s flirtation. What makes it amusing is he’s never serious about it. About ninety percent of the time he’s just playing around for either a reaction or a giggle out of whichever woman is wearing her uniform skirt too short or the pants too tight. It’s been his thing to do since we were teenagers and it’s not changing any time soon. I look forward to the day when he’s married and he has to resist doing it so that his wife won’t chew his head off. I’d pay to see that sight.
“Alright, the food and drinks are ordered. Now we small talk until it’s time to eat. Dante, the floor is yours. Well, the table. What happened?”
“The driver took us back to the hotel and were just talking the whole time. Autumn had a bit more to drink than I did so she was tipsy. Not drunk. She was walking and talking just fine, no slurred speech, and literally everything she said made sense. I’ve or rather we’ve been working in the nightclub business long enough to know when a person is wasted.”
“Yeah, she was sipping those zombies moderately until Fredrick started talking to her. I saw her gulp down the last drink she had. What did you or she say?” Mike turned his head to look at him and he shook his own nonchalantly.
“We were just having a casual conversation. Trivial. It’s really not important. Dante, continue.”
“So, we walked through the lobby talking, I called for the elevator, and as soon as it came, I stepped on first. She was apprehensive; I’m assuming now that I think about it. She was standing in-between the doors for a couple of seconds, just staring at me, and I took it upon myself to grab her waist and pull her inside so the doors would close. By now, she’s standing directly in front of me and I asked her if she had a good time. She never answered that and instead mentioned that I have a high tolerance for alcohol and I admitted that I hadn’t had that much to drink. From there, I randomly started talking about the club itself and she wasn’t listening to me. I could tell because her eyes were lowered and staring at exactly what she was going to go for next; my lips. I don’t know, Fred, I felt like this jolt of astonishment, relief, lust, and need all at once. It was the wildest feeling I’ve ever experienced and I don’t know if I should feel embarrassed or crazy for saying that.” I expected a few giggles and even those witless glances between the two of them but instead they sat there in silence accessing what happened between Autumn and I just as much as I was. Fredrick slightly slouched himself down and dropped his head back in as subtle shock while Mike took a sip of his water and awaited the rest of the details.
“A peck?”
“No. It was intense and potent. My hands were exploring every aspect of her curves as I pinned her to the wall of that elevator.”
“Tongue?” Mike’s eyes widened.
“Yes, man. Feeling. Grabbing.” I gulped down the knot in my throat. “Gripping.”
“Oh shit.” Fred mustered up a small smirk and he nodded his head in pride at the last verb I’d mentioned. I still can’t believe I did that myself. My hands went from resting on the small of her back to sliding down over the thick flesh below it. My subtle aggression was the cause of her moaning against my mouth and that only further enticed me to want and need more from her. My mind had gone beyond the moment. My eyes were tightly shut closed as she savored my mouth and yet I was fantasizing about my own nibbling at the most sacred part of her flesh. That embellished black dress that was such a sight to see suddenly become nothing more than a layer of inconvenience keeping me from what I yearned and damn near ached for.
“We were so caught up in the kiss that we hadn’t realized the elevator was called back downstairs to the lobby. We left this older couple mortified. Though we pulled apart and attempted to regain our composure in record time, they were so disgusted that they wouldn’t even get on. They just waited for the next one.” They’d finally had something to laugh at and wasted no time in doing so at the expense of Autumn and my embarrassment.
“Sounds like some teenager shit man. That’s hilarious.”
“It felt like it. Shit, it felt like my mom walked in on me or something along those lines.” I couldn’t help but to chuckle about it. Maybe it was the liquor but Autumn thought it was hilarious and had I not grabbed her waist and locked her at my side, she would have continued that kiss with no regard for their presence.
“And how did she end up in your bed?”
“I invited her to come up and watch a movie since she said she wasn’t tired. We just did it in the bedroom instead of sitting out in that common area. About ten minutes into the movie, she started falling asleep so I took her boots off and pulled the covers up over her. After turning off the TV, I got back in the bed, she kissed me goodnight, and we went to sleep. Nothing sexual happened.”
“A goodnight kiss as well? Well that’s a nice touch on things. She’s pretty bold. That must have been something that she’s been wanting to do for a while and finally just decided to give in. That wasn’t liquor or some random and impulsive act. If it was, she would have been embarrassed as hell after doing it and there wouldn’t have been a movie night in your bed or a goodnight kiss. She would have left you on that elevator and went about her business.” Fredrick’s statement was what I already believed. I’d been thinking about it while readying myself earlier and making sure not to awaken her as she peacefully laid there entangled in the sheets. I could feel the tension between us as we stood there on the peak for a while talking and eventually just basking in one another’s presence on the hue of the stars. I figured it’d be unspoken for and ignored much like it’s been for a little while now because I’ve been hesitant to address that elephant in the room and I’ve doubted that she’s ready to due to all of the circumstances in her life. The concept of the right time held so much conflict and complexity until that kiss. Now I’m left to wonder what’s next.
“And that opens up the floor for the what’s next question. What’s next?”
We took a pause when our waitress approached the table with the drinks and I gulped down just about half of the Mai Tai as I used as much mental capacity as I could to figure out an answer to that question. What’s next can’t be what I want because what I want contains plenty of greed.
“I don’t know. That’s a question that I don’t know how to answer.”
“Well, what do you want? Start there. You obviously want her. That’s been obvious since damn near the beginning. So right now, at this moment, in what manner do you want her?” Leave it to Mike to continue to push for depth with difficult questions to answer.
“I don’t know. There’s a part of me that feels like what I want is understandable and justified while there’s another part of me that feels like I need to take a step back and allow her to make that decision and to take whatever time that she needs to do so. I don’t want her to feel like I’m forcing her hand or disregarding what she just went through with her ex-husband. I don’t know what she’s ready for and I’d rather not make her burdens any heavier than they already are. The last thing she needs is pressure. Maybe she’s not ready to date or be in a relationship. If that’s the case, I can’t fault her for that no matter what disappointment that may inflict upon me. I don’t know. This shit’s confusing. Maybe we can just go with the flow and see how things go. Don’t people do that when they’re trying to figure things out?”
“So you want to coast in a sense? You’d like to have something with her with no strings attached right now. There’s no commitment or title just yet, but there’s an understanding that there’s an attraction and you’re just seeing where things go.”
“That also means that we can be involved with other people. I don’t like the way that sounds.” Fredrick snickered once I shot down his analysis while Mike raised an eyebrow and shook his head.
“Possessive already? Damn. Okay, so you want an understanding and agreement that you two are exclusively seeing one another, but there’s no title on it. It’s just an understanding. That sounds better?” I took a couple of seconds to assess Mike’s version of Autumn and I’s next step and eventually shook my head.
“I don’t like the way that sounds, honestly.”
“Man, you want the commitment then. You want a relationship. You want titles; boyfriend and girlfriend. You want to be able to claim her and introduce her to people with the appropriate title and you want to be able to feel like she actually belongs to you instead of the situation you two have being up in the air because there’s nothing official about it.”
“Is that a bad thing?” Is it? I’d like to think it’s what’s right but how can I say that when I’ve yet to actually court her? I may be skipping over the actual process. Am I not supposed to allow her to feel me out over the course of a couple of dates and then make her decision? Maybe. I already feel like she’s felt me out and the time frame of dates is trivial. I can take her on a date every single day with her as my woman and court her just as much as I would if she wasn’t. None of that stops once the relationship is real. I want she and I to have a life outside of spending time together when we’re out of town due to my work obligations. I want to be able to be in New Jersey spending time with her just as much as I want her to be spending time in New York City with me. Every trip we take doesn’t have to be about business. She and Stacey are right when they say that I need a vacation, but I have no interest in traveling to some part of the world and doing so alone. That’s not a vacation; it’s isolation and I’ve had more than enough of that before Autumn made her mark. I’d also rather not feel like I can’t speak to her, see her, touch her, and show her affection unless we’re hundreds to thousands of miles away from those familiar with us by the way of relation or friendship. I may be a private person but I’m not secretive.
“No.” Their response was in unison.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. Shit, just hearing that come out of your mouth is super wild to me. I’ve been knowing you forever and I’ve never heard you sound this serious or invested about anyone. If that’s what you want, tell her that. If honesty has been an importance between the two of you thus far, then keep it that way and tell her what you feel and what you’d like. People get into relationships and still have to build. Neither one of y'all are running to a chapel any time soon nor are kids on your minds, so I don’t see what the big deal is.” Fredrick made it sound so simple, like he does with just about anything. He’s so smooth that he’d make you think jumping into a lion pit is as simple as taking a walk through a park. He rarely ever sweats over anything. The last time I seen the man stress out was over some fling of his mentioning a pregnancy and that eventually turned out to be negative result. Other than that, he’s as cool as a breeze and of course he’d believe that I’m supposed to have the same outlook on life.
“But I feel like I’m asking her for too much.”
“I don’t get it. You’re asking her for a commitment. Once you’re committed to someone, there’s a title on that. The way I see it, the only way that’s a big deal to her is if she wants to explore her options. Are you saying it’s too much because you believe that’s a possibility?” I could feel my stomach beginning to churn and suddenly every sip of the alcohol felt like a shot of fire tickling down my throat. I don’t have the answer to that question either. If I’m going by these couple of months we’ve spent together, I’d only be assuming that she’s not dating anyone or even considering it because she’s never spoken with me about that. If I look at it that way, I’m going to have to include myself into the equation of her lack of consideration. Maybe she does have options or is leaving the opportunity open for someone to step in but doesn’t want to let me know that. Women tend to be discreet with their dating lives and whatever is going on within their bedrooms because of male expectations and sexist fictitious laws crafted by men to keep them on leashes while we indulge in anything of our choosing. Autumn and I share a lot but I’m not Heather or Rachel. Women will always feel like those type of conversations are better suited for a female friend of theirs.
“I don’t know. Maybe. She’s newly single. Well, technically, her ex-husband’s been out of the picture for two years, but she’s newly single in terms of not being legally tied to anyone else and aside from all that she’s gone through in the midst of those two years, I know she was waiting until she and that guy were completely done and no longer tied to one another to move on with her life.” To soothe my throat, I took a sip of water and placed the glass along side the cocktail. “That’s honorable and I respect her for that. Now that she’s gotten that out of the way, whose to say that she wants to be tied to someone else so soon, you know? Maybe she is interested in seeing what’s out there.”
“Or maybe she’s not and she wants you. It’s been two years. That’s a long ass time man. I don’t care if she was still married and I mean that in non fucked up way. The man got involved with someone else, got engaged, and that woman is pregnant with his child. That happened within two years. No offense to her and the decision that she made but she didn’t owe him that. Yeah, there was a marriage license in tact but Autumn has been single for two years. I didn’t know there’s supposed to be some trial period or some type of wait period to date after divorcing someone. What kind of shit is that? Shit, if anything, he’s lucky. She could have went up in front of a judge during the divorce proceedings and hung his ass out to dry by claiming marital abandonment.” Mike’s lawyer talk earned a snicker out of Fred and he nodded his head in agreement with all that he’d said. “Talk to her and tell her what you feel. You’re never going to know until you do. Don’t be a bitch about this.”
“Shut up. I plan to. Today. I told the both of you that I’m taking her out to lunch. I also snagged tickets to the Boyz II Men residency so I’m going to take her to see that tonight. She’s extremely into R&B and soul music dating back all the way to the fifties so I know she’ll like that.”
“Boyz II Men concert with your girl? Cute shit man.”
“She’s not my girlfriend, Mike.”
“My momma tells me to always speak things into existence. Say it, claim it, believe it, then go and get it. Follow the rules pink boy. I’m speaking it into existence for you.”
“You might have to go ahead and get it for him too because I have a feeling he’s going to shrink up today.” Fredrick’s joke sparked up Mike’s annoyingly snide snicker and the both of them eyed me just to see if I would crack under the pressure. Though they’re sitting here encouraging me, that wouldn’t stop them from having a grand ol’ laugh at my expense if I do shrink up in front of Autumn this afternoon. I can admit, as Stacey as said, I’m absolutely a shark in the boardroom. I can handle business without breaking a sweat but romance? I’m an amateur. I’ve remained stagnant in that area because I’ve yet to encounter someone who mentally and emotionally impacted me to the point of wanting more, until now. Autumn is that and I’m ready to explore what it means to have a meaningful relationship. I’m never going to know if I don’t experience it first hand.
“I have it under control.”
“And don’t get drunk and end up in some Vegas chapel either. I know you’re turning thirty and she’s fine as hell but slow your roll. Y'all got time.”
“You’re going to have to chill with all of that she’s fine as hell shit.”
“She’s not your lady yet. Until she is, I’m letting these compliments blast off brother. I’ll stop when you make me stop. Good luck.”
Fredrick raised his glass in ode to me and we all shared a laugh as we eventually tapped out glasses to commemorate the positive outcome that we all seem to be hoping for. I wasn’t expecting our conversation to result in the depth that it did but to say that I appreciate the both of them would be an understatement. That was one of those big brothers and little brother moments that we occasionally share but this time it was about a topic that the both of them love just as much as any man would. I’d finally given them something outside of work and my dreadful family to be informative about and all that they said was useful. I’d been stuck in my head trying to figure it all out on my own since waking up this morning but they aided in putting it all into perspective. The only person missing is Stacey, who is an expert at getting into everyone’s head whether you want her to or not. She would have been able to assess the entire situation effortlessly, but we’ll save that for another day. When I return to New York, she’ll either show up at my apartment or the office to nag the hell out of me for the details that I know for a fact that Mike has already given her. If all goes well between Autumn and I, she’ll erupt into a ridiculously over exaggerated celebration and damn near marry me off and if it doesn’t, she’ll be there to pick me up no matter if I’m hurting or not. They’re my family and there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t understand and cherish that.
“Oh and can you stay downstairs in her suite if y'all plan to celebrate with the pokey pokey? We’d rather be spared of those details.”
“Shut the fuck up Mike.”
My sweaty palms worsened during our walk through the hotel’s lobby and my ears drowned out just about everything happening around me, including yet another one of Mike’s rants about the high temperature outdoors. I considered going upstairs to our suite to truly figure out all that I would say to the woman who shook up my world in the wee hours of this morning but if I did go up there, I wouldn’t have come back down for a while and it would have resulted in me standing her up. No matter how many times I rubbed my hands down the sides of my pants and Fredrick squeezed my shoulders, I don’t think I’ll ever be as completely ready for this moment as I usually am for everything else. That’s the unpredictability of someone having partial control of your emotions. No matter what the outcome may be, I’ve already felt and learned so much. The difficult part is I’m already drawn her and the feelings that she evokes within me. Early on I feared it. Now I want nothing more than to immerse myself into her world.
“Get it together man.” I mumbled the words to myself as my knuckles tapped against the door to her suite. The taps were so minimal, I knew for a fact that she didn’t hear them. I did that for the sake of gathering my myself and finally knocked like any normal person would.
“I kind of thought you’d be back a little later. I know you all had a decent number of properties to look at.” She opened up the door with that statement already coming out of her mouth and my eyes immediately panned down to the mauve strapless romper and how it’s silhouette hugged every aspect of her curves that it could possibly cover. The floral design made it playful and yet the open back and the matching choker she wore on her neck gave it the spice that represents a part of her that tempts me like no other. Her hair being pulled back into a tight low ponytail left her breathtaking face to effortlessly outshine every other part of her and the natural make up pulled it all in for what she displays everyday: perfection.
“We saw all of them. We hated all except one which is why it went so quickly. There were some that were literal turn offs upon entry and there were others that we took our times walking through, but ultimately one of them garnered equal interest from all three of us.” I closed the door behind myself and slowly followed behind her as she headed in the direction of the master bedroom. My eyes couldn’t pull away from the sight if someone paid me their life savings to do so.
“What did you like about it?”
“It’s just about the same size as Baraya. Slightly smaller but it’s the atmosphere that we care about most. If we were interested in opening up one of those grand nightclubs like Drais, Hakkasan or Omnia, we would have done it a long time ago. We just want a place where people can actually come together and have a good meal and a good time at as well. Some choose to do either or. It doesn’t matter. It just needs to have the right vibe and that one property was near it but it needs some work.”
“Is the property worth the investment?”
“We’re still looking at the logistics but no final decisions are being made just yet. We’re going to wait it out and see if we come across anything else we favor.”
“That sounds fair enough. There’s no point in immediately investing into any property after seeing it for the first time. Take some time, look at others, check out the paper work, and come back to see it a second time as well. Is it on the strip?”
“Yeah, what you’re saying is right and it is on the strip.”
I stood in the doorway of the bedroom as she walked to and from the bathroom accessorizing herself. Her last trip inside of it resulted in her coating her lips with a nude lipstick.
“Which ones? Sandals or the Converses?” She held them up for me to see and I quickly pointed at the heeled sandals as their long laces dangled in front of her. The Converses would have been just as nice, but the heels were quietly for my viewing pleasure. They add another hundred levels to her already off the meters sex appeal.
“Did you eat anything?”
“I had a fruit parfait but in a bowl though with almonds in it. It was really good. I had it like an hour ago.” My follow up response flat lined as I watched her concentrate on carefully lasting up the sandals to her liking. There seemed to be a method to the madness that I didn’t quite understand because she was far more precise and exact than I expected her to be. When she finished and compared her second attempt, they were aligned as she needed them to be.
“We’re going to Due Forni Pizza & Wine for lunch.”
“Sounds good. It’s by here?”
“No. It’s actually like twenty five minutes away. We still have the Jeep, so I figured it’d be a nice little ride. What do you think? I can pick a place closer if you want.”
“No. I’d love to go on the ride. There’s more to Vegas than just the strip, so I’m glad you chose a place away from here.” She stood to her feet, grabbed her purse off of the bed, placed it’s strap on her shoulder, and she glanced in my direction. “Okay, I’m ready. Luckily you came here just in time for me to be ready. I didn’t have you waiting like yesterday.”
“I don’t mind waiting.”
“Yeah, right. You say that now.” Her giggle was light.
“Sexy. Very sexy.” I used my finger to point from the top of her head to the very tips of her toes and she sighed and full on laughed while shaking her head.
“You seem to think that everything I wear is sexy.”
“That’s accurate.”
“No it’s not but I can’t speak for you. All I can do is thank you. You look good yourself. I love it when you’re all suited up and yet I really love it when you’re casual. I can’t choose. That just means you look great at all times.”
“I appreciate that.”
She double checked her purse for the room key and I led the both of us our of her suite and down the hall to the elevator. Once the doors shut and confined us within the small space, I peered over at the overwhelming sight who was standing to the left of me tapping away at the screen of her phone. She has the height and figure of a runway model and yet she has this subtle thickness to her shape that truly takes form in her hips and thighs. Her legs are beyond comparison; making her stride graceful. Her facial beauty is so unique and striking; unlike anything or anyone I’ve ever seen before. She often makes fun of her forehead but it suits her so much. She has the eyes of a feline and their green color weakens me whenever I dare to stare into them. Her lips, the sight and feel of them; a dream.
God showed off with her.
“Are you going to use the valet?” My lip slowly eased from in between my teeth as she looked up at me and I quickly nodded my head.
“Yes. We have to wait in the front just like yesterday.”
Our wait wasn’t as long as I expected it to be. We stood along side one another no longer than ten minutes until the valet pulled up directly in front of the entrance. I helped Autumn into the passenger side of the car and put her seat belt on myself before getting in on the drivers side. She chose to use the Bluetooth to stream a nineties and early two thousands Hip-Hop playlist from Spotify and we were off just seconds after. Initially, we were in silence. She tapped her fingers against her lap in a nervous manner and I couldn’t fault her because I too felt the same as my hands gripped the steering wheel and my mind switch from thought to thought over and over again. Nas was our ice breaker. I took his verses of “If I Ruled The World” while she took Lauryn’s silky and infectious hook. Our heads bopped in unison while her rocking body made competition for the road. Song after song, I found myself stealing glances at her. I was paying less attention to the records and more so to her as she rapped along to literally every song. Lil Kim’s records excited her more than any of the others. I thought she’d morphed into Kim herself during her verse on Player’s Anthem. Her ponytail blew with the warm wind coming from the lowered windows and she used her hands to put emphasis on every word that came out of her mouth.
“Might have to change your name from Peaches to Lil’ Peaches.”
“Shut up! I love Kim. I was actually able to hang out with her a couple of times because she was good friends with Shane. Don’t ask me how my brother became such a good friend of hers because I truly don’t know. That man knew every damn body. He was loved.”
“Your brother had an interesting mind. It’s not surprising that so many people gravitated towards him. His book is a great read for young adults. It’s truly a guide to take you through the twenties. I appreciate that about it.” Her smile wasn’t solemn. Instead, it was one of pride and she nodded her head to confirm all that I’d said as accuracy.
“Absolutely. I remember when he was writing it. He started writing that book before he even hit his twenties. He’d hang all over New York City and have conversations with anyone he encountered to gain their perspectives on life. He was a life enthusiast and it showed in his free spirited nature. A liberal to the core too. That’s why he and Issac clashed so much. I loved everything about him.”
“I can tell he was special to you just as I know you were as special to him. He dedicated his book to you.”
“He wrote the book for me. That’s what he told me, so I’m going to have to believe it. He said to me my beautiful baby doll, this book is a guide for you to live your young adulthood to the fullest and I wrote it so you’ll know that no matter what you choose to do, I love you and it’ll be alright. I think I’m at the chapters about failure. Well, maybe I’m a little past it and getting to the part of picking back up and trekking on.”
“That’s one of the best parts.” Her eyes locked on me and she slightly dropped her head to the right.
“Of the book or life?”
“Both. Life because you’ve learned so much and you’re applying that to better yourself. There are people who don’t do that and end up creating a toxic cycle of screwing up but not you. You don’t carry yourself that way.”
“That’s true. I think for me, I don’t want anything more than to have an onslaught of joy in everything that I conquer. That’s it. Nothing will ever be perfect and I don’t want it to be because it’s not realistic and that’s boring. I like challenges. Overall, I want the joy though. Not happiness, joy. Happiness is based upon temporary pleasures and even some permanent ones, but joy is all about the sense of self. It’s true acceptance. You know, I’d say I need both.”
“Having both is a healthy balance.”
“What makes you happy?
“Currently?”
“Yes.” As I made a left into the parking lot of the restaurant I quickly glanced over at her and turned my attention back to the road. She was staring out of the window. As I awaited an answer, she turned to look at me but never opened her mouth to say anything. Instead, she unbuckled her seatbelt and awaited my next move.
“You’re not going to answer me?”
“Do I need to?” Her eyes widened a bit and she chuckled as she opened the door and hopped out of the truck. A huffed slipped past my lips as I accepted her avoidance to allow me into her head and I took the keys out of the ignition, opened the door, and stepped out. As I walked around the front of it, I used the keypad to lock the doors and Autumn playfully brushed her shoulder against my arm to garner my attention.
“It’s right here.”
“Excuse me?” I pushed the keys down into my pocket and watched as she gained a bit of a lead.
“What currently makes me happy. It’s right here.”
My smirked was nearly identical to her own and she playfully shook her head as I reached for the handle of the door and we stepped inside one after the other. The hostess seated us at a back corner booth at Autumn’s request and we settled on lemonade instead of indulging in the assortments of alcohol the bar was stocked with. She’d had enough last night and as our designated driver, I couldn’t do it.
“You know what you want?”
“Yeah. I’m getting the Spinaci pizza. It sounds so good; garlic spinach, ricotta cheese, mushrooms, peppers, and caramelized onions. You should get the Brasato pizza. Then we’ll share.” She pointed at what she was referencing to on my menu and I chuckled at her suggestion while reading over it’s ingredients.
“That actually does sound good. I’ll get it, even though it’s you who really wants it.”
“I do not. I just want to taste it.” Her eyes impishly rolled to the back of her head as I side eyed her and she nudged me in the midst of our laughter. “I’m sharing mine with you, so we’re even.”
“Yeah, okay Peaches. It’s okay to be greedy. I won’t tell anyone.”
“Whatever.” She nudged me again and her cinnamon and berry scent intoxicated me far more than any glass of wine could. When the waitress returned to the table with the drinks and took our order, silence invaded our space as she took a sip of her lemonade and scanned her eyes over our surroundings. I didn’t know whether to just come out with it or wait until her stomach was full to do so. Yet again I was left to figure out timing and this time there was no one to give me advice or a push to just go for it. It’s either now or I continue to sit around contemplating, hoping, and wishing, but never seeing results.
“Autumn.”
“Hm?” She didn’t look at me. She continued to stare at the painting to the left of herself.
“Why’d you kiss me last night?” We were close enough for me to feel her body tense up and shrink down in embarrassment. That wasn’t my intention and the sigh that came out of her mouth nearly made me cringe.
“I asked the question because I want to know if it meant to you what it meant to me.”
“I kissed you because I’d been wanting to do so for quite some time and I suppose my liquid courage knocked all of the fear out of me for just that moment and I went for it. I know it could have been in better taste but I wasn’t necessarily thinking about all of that.” She finally twisted her body so that her eyes and complete attention would be focused on me and I leaned on the table while nodding at what she explained.
“The taste was fine.” My tongue ran across my bottom lip as my nerves continued to rattle me. “You know, since the first time we’ve met I really couldn’t get you off of my mind. I thought of you after I braced you from falling, but it was non-stop after I’d seen you for a second time and truly took in all of you without you saying much of anything to me. I was baffled by your beauty but most of all, I was intrigued by your aura. Fredrick recognized you. He’d given me a bit of information that I could have found out if I Google’d you and your ties to your ex-husband but that wasn’t enough for me. It didn’t even touch the surface of what I wanted to know and still need to know. I want to say it was a mere coincidence that Isaac asked you to be my temporary flight attendant but that’d be cliche. I have faith so there had to be something more to that. That doesn’t just happen. From day one, you’ve been nothing but honest with me and you opened up and allowed me into your mind.”
“And you did the same.”
“Because you made me comfortable enough to do so. I don’t talk to many people nor do I care to share much about myself beyond who I am as a professional. Your honesty unknowingly to you was a push for me to be honest with myself and you’ve opened up the floodgates for a lot of demons that I’ve been avoiding to acknowledge. You’re making me look into myself and look for means to repair so much of the damage so that I can have that joy and happiness that you’re currently seeking.” Her infectious smile brightened up the room as it does anywhere we are and she rubbed my back in appreciation and encouragement for what I’d just revealed.
“You deserve joy and happiness. You’re too good of a man to allow those demons to get the best of you and control your destiny. It’s not worth it. You have too much life to live and too much good to come to let the past withhold you from enjoying it.”
“As do you. The thing is, right here and right now, I feel that. When I told you that I don’t think I give you enough credit last night, its because I hadn’t said any of this to you. It’s been hard to withhold this because I didn’t know when would be the right time to let you know. I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries initially and eventually it came to me not wanting to overwhelm you since I already had knowledge about what you’ve gone through. I’ve bit my tongue and even silenced myself before I went too far with my words a couple of times but that kiss gave me further ammunition to put my feelings out there. It’s beyond me liking you. I’ve liked you since we met. I want you.”
“Dante…”
“Let me finish. I don’t want you to feel pressured about any of this nor am I asking you to make a decision about me right now; not if you don’t want to. I just know that I want you and I’ve thought about what that entails and I can’t help but to want you with the appropriate title and position in your life. Maybe you just want to date me to feel me out a bit or maybe you don’t want to commit to anyone right now, which is understandable and I’d respect that but I’d like a chance. We can take it slowly in the midst of that. It’s not about me proving that I’m better than anyone or that I’m the perfect guy for you. I’d just like a chance to be along side you as your man while we live our best lives. That’s if…if you’ll have me.”
My heart thrashed against my chest after having sped up in pace word after word. Everything flew out of my mouth as quickly as it came to mind and none of it was what I rehearsed mentally throughout the course of the day. My emotions did the talking and allowed me to get it all out there to not only prove myself but to also alleviate the pressure I’d been experiencing for months. I’ve never done or said anything like that before and to live on this edge is exhilarating and frightening beyond what I could have ever imagined. No matter what she chooses, there’s no going back now and I’d never choose to do so. I’m all in. The question is, is she?
Her mouth fell agape as her nails lightly pressed into my back. The emotion in her eyes triggered the all too familiar fluttering in the pit of my stomach as I awaited what could make or break this moment.
“I’ll have you.”
I searched her eyes for any sign of hesitation but only found admiration for me. She’d chosen to soothe me by rubbing her hand against the nape of my neck just as she’d done last night but I needed more. As my arms locked around her petite frame, she leaned her head back to allow mind to align with the front of it and my lips meshed into hers in a burning hunger. It’d been such a challenge to refrain from relieving that agonizing desire for quite some time now and early this morning only served as a tortuous teaser. I had the urge to kiss her as soon as I opened my eyes and turned over to look at her. I fought it while readying myself to leave and also forced myself to refrain from awakening her for one as we were preparing to walk out of the door. In between my thoughts of this moment and how I’d go about it, her lips were embedded into my every thought and I could only fantasize about the moment when I’d be able to feel them against mine once again. The difference between the kiss we shared hours ago and now is the seal of our commitment to one another and the security in knowing that this is my reality now and I can share this kind of intimacy with her whenever I want.
“This is okay? You don’t mind public displays of affection?” Our lips met again after she’d gotten her question out and I quickly shook my head in the midst of the peck.
“No.” Her hand locked around the nape of my neck with subtle aggression and the moment only intensified when the both of her lips wrapped around my bottom one. I couldn’t help but to grab her thigh and draw her closer to my frame as she marked her territory by running her tongue across it and sucking it into her mouth. Yet again, the world seem to center around us and nothing else mattered; barely even the waitress who placed the two pizzas down on the table for us to consume.
“I’m so speechless right now. I can’t believe you said any of that.” The flustered smile on her face turned into a bit of a blush and my fingers lightly ran across her cheek in yet another gesture of my admiration for her beauty and essence.
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t think I was your type. I nearly wanted to kick myself in Paris when I finally began to admit to myself that I had feelings for you. Even this morning, I woke up and I was literally panicking because I thought that I’d truly crossed the line; so much to the point that I called my brother and quit.” My eyes widened as she revealed the last bit of information and she chuckled while nodding her head to confirm it as the truth.
“I called him back and fixed that long before you came to my room, but the first thing I could think of was to call him and create a barrier between myself and the potential embarrassment that would have happened if I wasn’t what you wanted.”
“You forgot that I was just as much into that kiss as you were?”
“This morning? Absolutely. All I kept thinking was that my drunken self pounced on you.”
“Well, you did…but I like it.” Our laughter rang out in the small corner that we were sitting in and she nudged me with her shoulder while shaking her head.
“Our first kiss could have been better though, don’t you think?”
“Nah, I liked that one.” Her shoulders dropped as she huffed and a smirk formed on her face as she reached to grab a piece of my pizza. The warmth of her body meshed with my own as she leaned into me and I leaned in to give it a try just as she had.
“I’ve been trying to show you that you’re my type ever since we met. Though I wasn’t verbal with it, in all the time that we’ve been spending together, there has been nothing more that I’ve been looking forward to other than that. I had my fears too baby. I thought I was out of your league initially. I didn’t think I’d be interesting enough for you.”
“I don’t know how. I was intrigued by you from the beginning.”
“I guess we were both so caught up in our fears, insecurities, and hesitance that we didn’t take the time out to actually pay attention to the signs that we were giving one another nor did we act on them…until now. The kiss aside, I’d been thinking of ways to ask you out on a date and I planned to do so after you returned to the east coast from Heather’s wedding festivities. I couldn’t wait much longer than that. Also, I didn’t want some guy out here to swoop in and ruin my chances because then I would have had to fight.”
“Oh, please!” She could barely chew on the bite she’d taken as she snickered. Immediately after she swallowed it down, her lips pecked mine.
“Can I be honest with you about something?”
“Anything.”
“When my ex and I got involved with one another we kept it to ourselves for the most part. Heather sort of knew about us but I was very limited with the information I gave her because it was a risky situation and I think me being young and so caught up into it, I enjoyed the thrill and adrenaline rush of being with him though it had the potential to be problematic. My family didn’t find out about Andreas and I until everything leaked out into the media and it was an ugly situation. There was a lot of fighting involved between my family and I and his mother had such a distaste for me. I chose a side and it was Andreas’. Once he took the Miami Heat coaching contract, I decided to leave UCLA and go to Miami with him because we agreed that we were going to get married. The only person who met him was Shane and it stayed that way. Even when I decided to take a breather two years ago, he never showed up to be with me during the mourning of my brother’s death or when I had the stroke. He was wrapped up in the NBA season and didn’t want to take a leave of absence. By the time he decided that he was going to come, I told him not to and the next thing you know, divorce papers were being served to me on a gloomy Friday morning.” She took a sip of her lemonade while allowing me to take in all that she’d said and I did my best to quickly understand what she was getting at.
“So no one other than Shane met him?”
“Right and that left a bad taste in all of their mouths. I skipped Isaac’s wedding because they didn’t want him there. They warned me not to bring him and I opted out of being apart of it and attending for the sake of my husband. That started a lot of tension between my brother and I and that tension is still very much between us currently. I fear what his reaction to us will be because you’re his client and he respects you for all that you are as a man but most of all as a professional. I’m nothing but the little sister who he believes is irresponsible, erratic, and childish. He’s disappointed in me because I left school and married young but overall, I think he truly resents me for choosing Andreas over him and he’s yet to let up on it. Now I’m with you. It’s tough.”
“Did you apologize to him for it? I’m not saying that you have to regret the decision you made but sometimes an apology works.”
“I do regret not going, honestly. I believe that could have been a moment for my family and I to make amends for all of the drama but instead, I reacted in a spiteful manner because I believed they were doing the same thing to me. I should have been there to support him but I refused. Hell, that was the first time I told Shane no. Now, I’ve yet to apologize to Isaac because we fight and his insults only make me want to insult him without a filter. He’s verbally vicious when he wants to be and he’s a pompous asshole the majority of the time. We clash a lot so I avoid him for the most part. So when it comes to you and I, that’s why I avoid displaying our personal connection in front of him. I can only imagine his reaction to it and if that man makes some type of assumption that I’m screwing you for what you have or that I’m involving myself with you in order to be spiteful towards him, my reaction’s not going to be one of my better moments.” Though the background situations differ, I can absolutely understand her strained relationship with her brother because I have one with my own and we’ve had the riff between the two of us ever since we were kids. In him being my older brother, I did crave for him to take me under his wing and be an influential figure in my life when I was past the toddler years but the more Matthew figured out where I came from, what happened between our father and his mother, and why his family dynamic changed, the more he pushed me away and lashed out in manners that I’d yet to understand. Richard eventually pitted he and I against one another and of course he favored Matthew because he owed it to him to do so; as did my mother. Despite all of that, I don’t think I truly took a disliking to my brother until they shipped me off to London for boarding school. It was at that point that I felt like an orphan. I still feel like one.
“You want me to talk to him?”
“No, of course not.”
“Autumn, I don’t want to hide. I want this to be as real and as normal as possible. I don’t want to creep around with you because we have no reason to do so. There’s nothing dishonorable happening here. We’re two people who took an interest in one another and developed a bond that has now turned into a relationship. What I do for a living and what you currently do for a living has nothing to do with that. You don’t ask me for anything but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going look out for you and look after you.”
“You don’t have to do all of that.”
“But I will because it’s what I want to do. I don’t want to have to hide that either. I want to meet your family because that’s where you currently reside and if I should want to come to pick you up, I’d hate for them to be surprised or confused. I don’t think you want that either. Why take them through that all over again? If you discuss it with your family, I believe that all will go well because it’ll be a much better approach than the one you took before and they’ll take it seriously. If you want me there for it, I’m in. You’ll meet my family too.” As she pulled her lip in between her teeth, she nervously nodded. “I don’t want to hide baby.”
“You want me to meet your family?”
“If I could avoid and hide you from the dysfunction that is my shitty family forever, I would. I can’t though. Richard has eyes and ears all over the place. So yes, in some type of manner, I’d like you to meet my family.”
“They can’t be that bad.” If she only knew what she was talking about. I’d like to believe that too but they’re fucking horrible as far as I’m concerned. No one deserves a set of parents like mine. They may have made sure I had luxuries and an expensive education but I would have easily traded that in for their love and moral support throughout my childhood. I wanted a soccer mom and one of those overbearing fathers who coached from the sidelines during their kid’s games. Though I had damn near perfect grades, I still wanted someone scolding the hell out of me and threatening to take away my favorite toys and game systems if my report card didn’t come in looking good. I wanted my mother to teach me how to treat a woman while my father schooled me on safe sex. I want to be assured that I was loved and cherished enough to turn to them for anything but I wasn’t. Aside from my uncle being there for me when he could, I raised myself.  
Autumn picked up and bit into another piece of the pizza that I was barely eating and lightly moaned in satisfaction. She hadn’t even touched hers.
“So my pizza is better than yours greedy?” She nearly choked on the piece she was chewing as she cackled against my shoulder. Though I hadn’t touched much, I could admit the braised short rib, calabrian peppers, red onions, and chinchurri were quite a taste.
“It’s so good and you’re not even eating it.”
“What are going to do with yours? You’ve yet to touch it.”
“Midnight snack, of course. I’ll save you some of yours.” I could actually picture her sneaking a piece of pizza and laying around on the couch watching some show of hers. She receives more pleasure from dough, marinara sauce, and cheese than I’ve ever seen anyone else have.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. Enjoy it. You taste my pizza, I taste your lips. Deal?” Before she could take another bite, she gleamed in happiness and quickly leaned in.
“Deal.”
As her lips covered mine, she slowly ran her tongue across the slit of my own and I swiftly opened my mouth and permitted her warm tongue it’s entry. She granted me the best of both worlds within that moment.
I want this feeling forever.
A roar of laughter filled the twenty third floor of the Venetian without regard for the resting residents or the hour of the early morning. I inhaled the sweet scent of my woman’s body as my arm remained locked around her shoulders. Her right hand tightly intertwined with mine while her left held a frozen margarita she’d gotten as we randomly walked along the strip. It turned into a spontaneous outing after having an incredible time sitting front row and watching Boyz II Men literally serenade her song after song. Though she wasn’t the only woman within reach, she quickly became the target of Nathan Morris’ vocal affection and it didn’t stop at the direct singing. Even though they were supposed to be giving out roses to random women in the audience during their famous hit “I’ll Make Love To You”, both Nathan and Shawn seemed to return to Autumn multiple times which resulted in her having a damn bouquet worth of red roses to swoon over while singing along to the song as I fought the urge to stick a leg out and trip the both of them while they made their way back to the stage.
It was the dress. Actually, no, it was the entire package with the dress simply being the subtle enhancer. She looked like some mythical goddess of the sea as she confidently stood along side me all night long in an apricot colored mid-thigh length dress that was interestingly and intricately crafted like a coral reef all over. It’s deep v-neck opening and backless additions furthered the appeal and what damn near blew my mind were the matching platform sandals that covered her feet. I’d never seen anything like it on anyone before and she informed me that the Alexander McQueen pieces were just more old garb that had been collecting dust in her Miami closet for a couple of years. She was supposed to wear it to Adrienne Bosh’s birthday party but ultimately opted out of attending. Thankfully she didn’t, because it would have been a sight that I would have never gotten to see and my God, it’s one that no one should ever have to miss. It’s was what had the members of the nineties R&B group damn near drooling and also what caused her to be showered with dozens of compliments as we walked along the strip joking about the most trivial topics. Lastly, aside from my emotions being on an never ending and elated high, her choice in attire for our night out together played it’s part in my unabashed antics in being all over her. What I’d grimace and turn the other way over whenever I’d see couples out in public doing it, felt so natural and fulfilling to me tonight. Stacey would always tell me that when it’s real, you’ll know and I would quickly dismiss she and all of her soap opera dramatics, but I owe her now. I might not tell her how right she’s been because the gloating would be unbearable, but I’ll figure out a way to give her some form of credit.
“I put down my Boyz II Men roses when we got the drinks and I forgot them. I’m shitty.” After inserting her key card into the door, she waited for the green light to appear and opened it up for our entry.
“You had those old men trembling in their Depends.” As she walked towards her bedroom, once again we were joining one another in laughter. While she tossed her bag on the bed, I finished off what was left of my drink and disposed of the plastic cup. Autumn bought the drinks with earnings from her random luck at a penny slot machine she decided to play with while I took a phone call from Richard. She spent less than five dollars and walked out of that casino with five hundred dollars in her purse. Her win was far more hilarious than exciting to the both of us. She wasn’t even eager to win and it was clear that she didn’t know what she was doing since she’s never gambled before. Her curiosity got the best of her for the few minutes my attention wasn’t completely hers and the cards or should I say slots aligned for her.
“The show was so good though. Thank you for taking me. I love me some Boyz II Men.”
“You’re welcome Peaches. I figured you’d like it since you’re an old soul and all.” Her platform sandals were next on her agenda. While sitting on the edge of the bed, she unbuckled them one by one and carefully removed them from her feet.
“You say that like Boyz II Men aren’t during your time. You’re hitting thirty in a month old man. Speaking of, what do you want for your birthday?”
“Nothing.” As she stood up, her eyes playfully rolled to the back of her head.
“I figured you’d be difficult. I’ve been trying to think of a good gift for a few weeks now and I have ideas but I’m not sure which route I’m going to take. Give me a hint of something you’d like.”
“I like you.”When she huffed, her eyes repeated the gesture once more and a smirked danced along her perfect lips. As I stood in the door way, she inched closer until we were face to face and used her pointer finger to poke my chest.
“You have me and I’m not all that. Be serious.”
“You are all that and I’m being serious.” My chuckle forced her to cut her eyes. “But uh…maybe you, food made by you, in some place chosen by you? That sounds nice.”
“Me?” My eyes widened as an expression of curiosity arose on her face and I quickly threw my hands up in an honest defense.
“Not like that. Not like that. I mean you as in your presence, not you as in something else. You as in you.” The nervousness that arose within the pit of my stomach and eventually made it’s way to my face was an amusing sight for her to witness and she didn’t hold back from giggling while slightly holding her head to the side.
“I’ll take that into consideration. You staying down here tonight?”
“I can?” I hadn’t expected that invitation. Did I want it? Sure.
“Yes. I have an extra bedroom. Make yourself comfortable. We have a flight to take in a couple of hours.” I took a step back and my mouth fell agape as, I too, joined her in amusement.
“I can’t sleep in here with you?”
“Nope. You said that we’re taking things slowly. Remember?”
“I did say that but I didn’t mean this slow. We slept in the same bed upstairs.”
“I didn’t know there were guidelines. You said slow.” The teasing within her tone and the sultriness of her stance were on the verge of driving me up a wall and yet I could do nothing but stand there and allow her to have that power because I liked it.
“Platonic sleeping is slow.”
“Platonic sleeping? Ha! That’s a new one. Sweet dreams.” The kiss she planted on my lips worsened the fire already burning within me while the sight and sound of her bedroom door closing served as the extinguisher to put me out.
“Goodnight! You got that teasing shit from that show at Crazy Horse. I’m never taking you there again.” Like she’d been doing since we left out for our night out on the town, she cackled loudly enough for me to hear and I could still hear it as I made my way across her suite to the second bedroom.
I’m alright with slow.
I’m alright with whatever she needs from me.
But damn Autumn.
According to the pitch blackness surrounding the bedroom and the eerie silence that was cause for my eyes panning back and forth, I hadn’t been sleeping long. I removed my clothes a half an hour after lounging on the bed and answering e-mails that I’d received from A&M. Richard already informed me about the mandatory meeting happening within a day and the company luncheon that is to follow directly after but it didn’t stop the five reminder e-mails from coming my way. We’re hosting intern seminars and I’m scheduled to speak at three out of five of them. Matthew’s doing two. The only reason he summoned he and I to speak and then to observe is because our latest batch of interns is compiled of far more women than men. His knack for enticing interns is unmatched. After a week in the New York office, I’m off to the London office for a couple of days and then it’s back to New York for the MoMA Party in the Garden. This year’s event is being underwritten by Cartier. In the midst of trying to mentally access and properly pan out what had been added to my schedule, I nodded off to sleep.
Three hours. I only slept for two hours and it seems like I’m not the only one to have done so. I could hear Autumn’s footsteps pacing the floors as I laid in silence for the past couple of minutes. I mentally followed along with her every move until she surprisingly opened up the door to where I was resting. I could see her poking her head inside but it was clear that she didn’t know I was awake and it made me smile. Her next move was to step inside and quietly close the door behind herself. Her tip toeing nearly made me burst into laughter and flutters filled my core as she climbed into the bed on the left side.
“Slow huh?” She flinched at the sound of my choice and my laughter followed as she dipped down until her head hit the pillows.
“Why are you awake?”
“I just woke up. Why are you awake?”
“I never went to sleep. Couldn’t sleep.” As she slightly turned, I reached for her arm and pulled her to the middle of the bed and slid over until I was there with her. I left it up to her to pick a position and she chose to throw a leg over mine and mesh into my side until her head was resting between my neck and shoulder. We shared a peck once I turned my head and my arm rested over her back.
“Sweet dreams.” While my hand caressed her back, I listened to the sound of her breathing until it slowed to signify her slumber.
I didn’t have the urge to sleep.
No dream could be better than my current reality.
There’s no way possible.
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tipsycad147 · 5 years
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How to Read Birds as Omens and Signs
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Joanna Fonté
I saw a black bird. Is it an omen? What does it mean? | 
The Long History of Reading Birds as Omens & Signs
Since ancient times, people have looked to the heavens for signs, and since birds fly, it makes sense that people would perceive birds as messengers of the gods or fates. After all, a bird's-eye-view is significantly more omniscient than an earthbound perspective. Birds know what the world looks like from 30,000 feet high; they have seen the insides of clouds, so looking to birds for perspective makes an odd kind of sense.
Augury—the art of interpreting birds as omens—has been around since before the ancient Romans. An "auspice" is a Latin term for the messages birds might convey. An "augur" (a word that means both omen and one who sees an omen) would "take the auspices" by looking at "aves" (birds) and "reading" their appearance and behaviour. Those auspices (bird-signs) were sometimes auspicious (lucky) and sometimes inauspicious.
If you say the words "auspices" and "auspicious" aloud, you can hear their relationship. Language emphasises the long history of the belief that birds and luck are linked and that one might look to birds for guidance for knowing which steps to take in life.
But it wasn't just the ancient Romans who "read" birds. Ornithomancy, a modern term for augury, has been practised all around the world, from the earliest recorded times. It's alluded to in many stories and legends of the indigenous people of the Americas and mentioned in the bible's old testament. Countless cultures have myths about clever, wise birds who talk to gods and deliver insight to humans.
Anyway, people have been reading birds for a very, very long time. If you'd like to begin practising the ancient art of augury, this article will help you get started.
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According to the ancient Egyptians, sparrows caught the souls of the recently deceased and carried them to heaven
What Does It Mean If a Bird...
What does it mean if a bird taps at my window?
Birds do this all the time: They see their reflection and freak out, assuming it's some rival bird encroaching on their territory. Usually, it's the territorial types that do it, and usually in springtime when they're feeling really frisky, but tapping on the window is hard to ignore. It's easy to believe that the bird is trying to get your attention.
A bird pecking on a window is definitely an opportunity to stop and pay attention. What have you forgotten or neglected to attend to? What neglected duties need doing? Which loose ends need tying? Take this as an opportunity to sit down and pick your brain to figure out what or whom you've overlooked.
What does it mean if a bird poops on me... or my car?
Most of us would be upset if a bird pooped on us. It's hard not to take this kind of thing personally, especially if you have to clean it up (that's what I call adding insult to injury). You may wonder if this particular bird has a vendetta against you or an angry message from above. Maybe you've insulted the universe in some way, and this is its revenge. Maybe its an angry ancestor trying to express their unhappiness about some mess you're making in life.
On the other hand, you might choose to agree with all the happy optimists who insist that bird poop a lucky sign. This is probably the healthiest interpretation since, after all, s*** happens.
What if a bird smashes into my window?
The awful thud of a bird hitting your window is a sign you just can't ignore. What it might mean:
Perhaps you're going to encounter an obstacle of some kind: emotional, mental, or physical.
Maybe it's a sign that you're headed in the wrong direction in some aspect of your life: personal, professional, or interpersonal.
Maybe you're moving too fast or too rashly and you need to slow down.
It could be a reminder of the obstacles you face and a reminder that not all options are open, or that timing is everything.
It might represent a rough transition, a trap, or a hidden pitfall.
It could represent the end of one reality, relationship, or belief system, and the start of something new.
Or it might just mean that the poor bird didn't see the glass. Consider putting up tape strips so it doesn't happen again.
What does it mean if a bird flies into my house?
Most cultures have superstitious beliefs that if a bird in your house, it is a message from above: God, fate, the universe, or your dead ancestors are trying to tell you something. Many believe that it is a bad omen, but many more believe that it is just a reminder to keep your eyes open.
The other day, a blue jay flew into my house looking for food... and then forgot how to get out. It caused a terrifying ruckus flapping around and banging its head into the glass, trying to escape. I grabbed a towel, threw it over the bird, then brought it back outside again. I felt sorry for it because I know how it feels to stumble headlong, unwittingly into a trap you don't know how to escape from, like a dead-end job, a toxic relationship, or some other mistake. You think you're headed towards something great and then all of a sudden, you find yourself in a very wrong situation you can't back out of. I took this situation as a timely object lesson and was grateful for the reminder.
Auspices: Bird Signs and What They Might Mean
In ancient Italy, not all birds in the sky were viewed as meaningful signs or messages from gods. They observed two kinds of birds: oscines and alites.
Oscines (ravens, crows, owls, and chickens), whose birdsongs conveyed larger meanings, could be interpreted as either favourable (lucky) or not, depending on where they sang from in relation to the augur.
Alites (eagles, vultures, and others) were those whose actions and flight patterns were interpreted meaningfully.
Depending on what time of year the bird was heard or observed, every sound and movement made by these birds had a different interpretation.
Ex tripudiis—the dances of feeding birds—were often read to help guide military expeditions. The troops brought chickens with them to war just for this purpose and would sprinkle food on the ground and release the birds from their cages when guidance was needed. If the chickens didn't come out to eat, crowed, flapped, or flew off, these were seen as bad omens, but if even one came out and dropped some food on the ground, this was a very lucky sign.
So what does this mean for you?
Let the ancient Romans guide you. When reading the skies for omens, consider all of the following:
What sounds does the bird make? Would you characterise the sound as mournful, happy, peeved, insistent, scared, sad, or haunting? What emotion or memory is evoked by that sound?
What is the bird doing? Is it flying, strutting, watching, flapping, swimming, hunting, or sleeping, and what meaning can you make from this action?
What type of bird is it? Is it a waterbird, songbird, predatory bird, or scavenger? What significance can you derive from the type, and does it hold any special meaning for you?
What colour is the bird? Consult the table of colour significance below.
How many birds are there? Is it a flock, a family, or an individual bird? Again, what significance can you ascribe to this number?
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Many believe that the number of birds you see has special significance
Is Seeing a Black Bird Bad Luck?
Black creatures get a bad rap. Black sheep, black cats, and black birds (mainly crows and ravens) all have negative associations. Although many people assume black is bad, this consensus is no proof that these things are intrinsically malevolent or dangerous. Rather, the belief that black things are always bad is proof that people are lazy and want easy answers for things.
It would be very nice—and handy!—if all we had to do to find answers and guidance in life were to walk outside, look up at the sky, and "read" the birds flying overhead, especially if black meant always bad and white always meant good (and take a moment to notice the inherent racism of that remark). But of course, nothing is that simplistic.
Seeing a bird is not going to give you a clear answer. It's no magic 8-ball (and who thinks those are really magic?). A bird's colour doesn't necessarily make any meaningful difference whatsoever. However, just as reading Tarot cards, studying astrology, and taking personality tests all give people ways to understand themselves more deeply, looking at nature can, too. Think of augury as just one more means of introspection and reflection.
With that in mind and from that angle, maybe a bird's colour could be meaningful. Below you'll find a chart of different ways to interpret a bird's colour.
What Could the Color of a Bird Symbolize?
White Birds  Peace, death, innocence, purity, kindness, forgiveness
Black Birds The Shadow, secrets, dreams, the unconscious, death
Red Birds  Passion, blood, danger, heat, a warning
Blue Birds  Happiness, sadness, truth, clarity, the unknown
Yellow Birds   Happiness, a warning, joy, freedom (or lack of it)
As with the action and type of bird, the colour of the bird you see might have significance. The seer's personal associations with a particular colour should always be taken into account, as well.
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If I see a white bird, what does it mean?
Questions to Ask to Discover a Bird's Significance
There are two kinds of bird signs: impetrative (sought after, asked for, or requested) and oblative (unasked for; coming out of the blue like a bolt of lightning!). So ask yourself: Is the bird bringing you an unasked-for message from the universe? Or is it answering a question you asked—explicitly or implicitly?
What the Type of Bird You See Might Signify
Type of Bird Black birds (crows, ravens, blackbirds)
Associations to Consider Black birds are most often associated with death. They are often believed to bring messages from our dead loved ones.
Historical or Cultural Context Odin, a Norse God, had two ravens who flew all over the world then returned to whisper what they'd seen into his ears.
Type of Bird White birds (doves, egrets, etc.)
Associations to Consider Like black birds, white birds are often associated with ghosts, holy spirits, and the afterlife.
Historical or Cultural Context Doves are seen by many as symbols of peace or faith.
Type of Bird Owls 
 Associations to Consider Owls are often associated with wisdom, knowledge, and insight. They're also sometimes associated with female power and fertility.
Historical or Cultural Context Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom, was always pictured with an owl.
Type of Bird Predatory birds (hawks, falcons, owls, eagles, etc.)
Associations to Consider Victory, strength, power, domination, perspective.
Historical or Cultural Context Many cultures associate predatory birds with war.
Type of Bird Scavengers (vultures, crows, etc.)
Associations to Consider Tenacity, patience, observation, timing.
Historical or Cultural Context Most people know that scavengers linger near dead bodies.
Type of Bird Songbirds (finches, sparrows, starlings, etc.)
Associations to Consider Domesticity, imprisonment, freedom, cheerfulness.
Historical or Cultural Context Miners used to take canaries down into mine shafts as an early warning system for lack of oxygen.
Type of Bird Hummingbirds
Associations to Consider Lightheartedness, diligence, the importance of small things.
Historical or Cultural Context Aztecs saw them as messengers from the gods and ancestors. They were good luck symbols.
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A flock of starlings in a murmuration: What does it mean? These flying patterns are more akin to physics than biology, but scientists still don't know how the birds can do it!
https://exemplore.com/spirit-animals/birds-as-omens-and-signs
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askariakapo90 · 4 years
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Reiki Energy Love Easy And Cheap Tips
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