#rares should be weird gimmicky messes of cards that are 1-per-pack because they're unplayable in limited and only good in constructed

[dravidious]

Thank you for being awesome

Hello and welcome back to every budget player's favorite game show...

Nerf! That! Rare!

Where we look at cards that are pissing off the writer on arena and knock them down a peg!

Our first participant, hailing from Innistrad and fighting against the eternal night, it's Adeline, Resplendent Cathar!

Coming down on turn three, Adeline gives you a free 1/1 every time you attack. Its power will almost always be at least 3, and with 4 toughness and vigilance, it's tough to deal with on either offense or defense. Having 4 toughness especially means that most other 3-drop creatures won't even be able to trade with Adeline. So how might we keep the card's fundamental qualities intact while stopping ourselves from ripping our hair out every time it's cast on curve?

Like this! This rework makes several small tweaks, such as forcing Adeline herself to attack in order to make a token. This delays the token summoning by one turn, and also leaves Adeline vulnerable to being blocked and killed. The drop to 3 toughness helps put Adeline on par with other 3-drop creatures, since her token spawning and boundless power are advantage enough. And to give Adeline a nice round -1/-1, her power scaling only counts OTHER creatures, not herself, requiring more commitment to a swarming strategy to get proper value out of her.

Our next participant, a praetor hailing from New Phyrexia, the scourge of the current standard, it's Sheoldred, the Apocalypse!

Reminiscent of the menacing Siege Rhino, Sholdred comes packing with infinite life drain and a bulky body. Just like Adeline, that extra toughness puts Sheoldred out of trading range of other 4-drops, and that deathtouch means that double blocking her is still a -1 in card advantage. And that's IF she's even attacking! Sheoldred's greatest power is that she can just sit there stopping attacks while the opponent bleeds to death, unable to win even with evasion thanks to that life gain. How can we be free from the oppression of this phyrexian ruler?

With a simple tweak to the numbers! The difference a single point of toughness can make truly is incredible; just ask Sheoldred's grandpa Siege Rhino! The rhino will also tell you just how powerful life draining can be, and Sheoldred's life drain is even stronger! Or rather, it was. Getting 4+ free damage while the opponent scrambles to find an answer is a lot, so slowing that clock down means that Sheoldred needs to play the long game to win.

Back on Innistrad, we've got not a participant but an event that got a little TOO festive, it's Wedding Announcement! // Wedding Festivity!

A Glorious Anthem that comes with 3 tokens and/or card draw is powerful indeed, and the slow speed of it just isn't enough to offset its sheer long-term value. Not much to say about this one, 3 mana for a trio of 2/2s is just too powerful! But with its various effects and use of counters and transforming, this enchantment seems very reminiscent of a certain art form of Kamigawa...

Now that's more like it! In terms of pure value, this rework reduces the number of triggers from 3 down to 2, in exchange for an extra scry and flipping one turn earlier. And that chapter 2 ability really requires you to commit to the swarming strategy to get full value, no sitting back and collecting tokens!

Heading back to New Phyrexia, weighing in at 4 mana with a mighty 5/5 statline, it's Phyrexian Obliterator!

If you thought a +1 in card advantage was strong, wait until you see a +5! This 4-drop can annihilate the opponent's board if they dare to attack, with stats strong enough to beat most other 4-drops and survive to cause more carnage! With just one card, you can completely shut down your opponent's combat phase! Its 5 power and trample means that you're not even safe on the defense, as chump blocking it is impossible and trading with it will cost you everything. The only counterplay is to hope you can get a big enough board to either kill your opponent in one swing, or sacrifice all your lands and win with pure momentum. And yet, the nerf is the simplest one yet! Sacrificing 5 permanents is a death sentence...

... but sacrificing 1 is just a mild pain! It can even keep its beefy stats as a reward for paying that harsh mana cost. But just be safe, it's not a horror anymore, which is because horror tribal support is extremely dangerous and definitely not because I forgot to put the subtype.

Finally, last but not least for this episode of Nerf That Rare, it's the most obnoxious card in all of magic...

Every Planeswalker Ever!

Not only does this card generate infinite value over time culminating in a game-winning effect, it also works much better if you're already winning the game, while being nothing but a glorified sorcery if you're losing, crushing any hopes of comebacks when drawn no matter which player draws it! But the smallest little tweak can make this card much more fun:

Much better

#asks #original #the usual method for designing a rare seems to be this: #make a solid card. then buff it. then buff it again #i'm 95% sure there's no reason whatsoever to make rares so strong besides just pure greed #“oh but if commons were as strong as rares it would ruin limited” THAT'S NOT THE POINT #i remember when i complained one time about rares being way stronger than commons #the answer i got was that commons can't be as strong as rares #which is NOT WHAT I SAID #i don't want commons to be as strong as rares i want rares to be as weak as commons #rares should be weird gimmicky messes of cards that are 1-per-pack because they're unplayable in limited and only good in constructed #not just “hey we made a 5-drop 10/10” #but most of all they SHOULDN'T OVERSHADOW THE ENTIRE REST OF THE CARDS #with such a massive power gap between commons/uncommons and rares limited and constructed may as well have 2 different card pools #why can't constructed just have a lower power level? why do we need broken bullshit like this? #and for fuck's sake why do we have cards like obliterator that just shut down combat and require removal? #a trend you'll notice in my ranting above is that i pretend removal just doesn't exist and combat is the only answer #if the only thing keeping a card balanced is removal then it isn't balanced and it isn't okay