#recently I unfollowed someone on twitter and they blocked me like immediately afterwards | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

musicrunsthroughmysoul · 4 years

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I’m feeling a bit like I’m falling apart today. Which also implies that I ever felt fully put together in the first place. I mean, at least at the beginning of the year I felt like I was getting my shit together, and now this...and now more than ever it feels like I have nothing but to simply fall apart. You know? I don’t know if that’s how the trauma of this pandemic can be described, but. Meh. I don’t even feel like analyzing that.

At least I got The Black Tones’ “The Devil and His Grandmother” b/w “Where Do We Go Now” single today. Like I suspected, it’s addressed from Seattle, so when I feel like I can muster up my righteous anger I’ll probably email the Ten Club and ask them ‘Why the fuck did it cost over $6 for you to send this to me when I live in almost THE NEIGHBORING FUCKING CITY? YOU ASSHATS, I COULD’VE PICKED IT UP IN PERSON FOR LESS THAN IT COST TO SEND IT TO MY HOUSE, WHAT THE FUUUUUCK.’ But seeing the single and realizing that the record’s design is definitely the coolest (and cover-wise, funniest) single that I own now really put a smile on my face so I appreciate that, and I love The Black Tones. ❤

Also I’m reading the dictionary today. Literally. I’ve had many adults in my life (older adults...I’m an adult, too, I guess?) tell me about the instances where they just read the dictionary, either for fun or because malevolent, older adults in their life subjected them to read it for homework. (I think my grandfather told me that story. I think he had to read it as homework over the summer, too. I guess it helped him though since he was a history/English teacher at one point in his life. Oh yeah! A love of language and history runs in my family. I hope with me at least, though, that such love also recognizes and carries with it a responsibility to instigate change. Positive change. You know...you all know my cause. LOL “Language matters, the end”? ‘That you?’ ‘Yeah, that me.’) I haven’t made it too far yet since I’m here writing this now, but so far it’s kind of boring as I realize that I already know most of the words and what they mean. I don’t know, I was hoping for a surprise like, ‘Oh yeah, you’re as dumb as you think you are! Get ready to learn a bunch of new things!’ but it’s like, Well, actually...actually, being a writer prepared me quite well for this task even if my writing doesn’t often employ my full vocabulary. So yeah, I tend to write pretty simply, but the breadth of my knowledge isn’t actually as simple as I thought and as I assume most people think? I don’t know, it’s like...first impressions.

But in other news, I had to unfollow Benmont last night. And this was RIGHT after he posted something that I squealed about. So why would I unfollow him almost immediately after seeing something that made me happy? Well...trigger warning: sexual harassment, victim blaming/victim shaming

His post was about appearing on “We Are Hear” which is the organization (? channel? network?) that hosted Donita Sparks’ Q&A and which I liked quite a bit, and with some sort of morbid curiosity I checked the comments on his post - this was on IG - and guess who commented on it. I don’t know that you all will be able to guess, so I’ll just tell you: Ry*n *d*ms. Seeing his comment appear on Benmont’s post, especially as supportive as it was, legit made my blood run cold. Now, I know Benmont doesn’t have any control over who follows him/likes his stuff/comments/etc. unless he blocks them, and I don’t know that he’s unfriendly enough to block anyone. (For real, for real.) But especially considering Benmont did not speak out in support of *d*ms’ victims, ESPECIALLY since many of them were in the music industry or were aspiring to be, seeing *d*ms supportive comment on Benmont’s post just put the worst, worst taste in my mouth. (I think it was the salt, actually. From my tears. Of utter disappointment. Yep!) As a MAN especially, and as someone who worked with *d*ms, Benmont had a responsibility to speak out against *d*ms’ actions and support the women disparaged by *d*ms’ actions. But he never fucking did. And now I’ve found that Benmont might still be supportive of this piece of shit, or at least that *d*ms is still supportive of him so there’s an undeniable association there? Fuck that. And fuck him, and fuck them.

I’m trying not think of my disappointment too much, honestly. Besides my almost immediate reaction to just unfollow Benmont, afterward I was so disgusted and trying to minimize my anger that I had to watch Alice Bag’s workout video to her song “Spark” which was the best decision I could’ve made actually because it made me smile again and made me cry to see HER in such a good mood. (But I felt embarrassed to even watch it at that point because I was laying in bed which is, um, the exact opposite of what one should be doing when engaging with a workout video? You know? So embarrassed/guilty...yeah, I felt that.) But at that point it was enough just to see Alice and hear her song again and to see her dancing to it that lifted my spirits a little bit. The effect of my music moms always overpowers the darkness! :’)

Also, I was going to put this in the tags but I decided recently that having long as shit tags is annoying as fuck so here we go: I know I should be taking action, too, by the way. I should let Benmont know that he had a responsibility to say something but he didn’t and now it’s too late if he’s letting a piece of shit interact with him again, and publicly. But I don’t have the mental capacity to do that right now, which I’m sorry for. But I believe women and victims and survivors. Men who knowingly don’t hold their fellow men accountable for their despicable actions are complicit. And I don’t care who I’m saying that about. Because I know full well that I must be saying that about any and every man I’ve ever met or held to some sort of esteem. (That’s what people, mostly women, mean when they say “Men are trash.”) At this point, I could deign to be surprised. I’d like to tell men: “SURPRISE ME, MOTHERFUCKERS! Surprise me with your empathy and support, and THAT’S A THREAT!” Or “Do something new, do something good, be someone good. Just do the right thing even if you suffer for it, because I can guarantee that victims and survivors suffered a shit ton more than you ever will.”

Like a woman (a victim of sexual harassment) on Twitter said: victims have everything to lose when they come forward. They have absolutely EVERYTHING to lose. Well EXCUSE ME for thinking the world shouldn’t be like that. Perpetrators should be the ones losing. But society - this capitalist, patriarchal, white supremacist society - says that’s controversial. Well I say FUCK THAT. DO SOMETHING NEW. DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

#personal post

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