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#recognize ourselves as co-creators of our future and understand that the future is not fixed (which i think aoc said or something and i watc
pepprs
·
2 years
Text
i don’t know how to explain that since march 2020 with each new horrible thing happening in the world i shrink further and further into myself and away from connection and hope
#i told that friend i would call them today but then i woke up 6 minutes after roe v wade got overturned. and i can’t call that friend. i
#can’t even tell them why. i can’t even talk to my family or even look at them. i can’t even stand on my feet for too long or get anything
#done. i can’t reply to any texts or act on any urgent emails. i can’t draw or play piano or do anything to destract myself. all i can do is
#scroll and read and be very very still and very very quiet. i don’t even have the energy to cry
#in December and February and may i had spells lasting days at a time of being unable to function because such horrible things were happening
#all at once and i just couldn’t process it anymore. and it’s gonna happen over and over again more and more frequently and there truly is
#nothing i can do to stop it without getting the energy back but every time i think im almost there something happens and i crash back down
#all over again. really and truly preparing to leave for brighton was the beginning of the end for me and i don’t know if i will ever get
#back to how hopeful and connected and whatever i felt. and living in lockdown all over again doesn’t help but i don’t have the strength to c
#change that either. im just tired and everyone is walking all around me right now as i type this and im bristling and want to scream
#purrs
#delete later
#not that i was at all like entirely hopeful or whatever and certainly not that things were good pre covid. but something happened when covid
#happened and ever since it’s been like. relentless misery. strings of sad days. no end in sight
#i think the best and most helpful things i could do wrt this specific issue are a) open my home to people
#seeking abortions who can’t get them in their state / provide travel / resources for them to come here (i can contribute to travel funds
#financially but need to learn to drive and find a place to live before i can offer space and transportation resources) and b) keep talking a
#about reproductive rights / trying to educate ppl who are skeptical etc etc as someone who would not exist without them. and also c) keep
#trying to build collective power and learn to become a better community organizer and open people up to the possibilities that arise when we
#recognize ourselves as co-creators of our future and understand that the future is not fixed (which i think aoc said or something and i watc
#watched smth on that last night that i think she was part of and it was encouraging to me). so i will try to focus on those things. but this
#just has my head spinning so badly. i feel so unmoored. and it’s my job to be a beacon of hope but i feel utterly hopeless
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