#reluctantly heals them completely and when she gets cut again turns that shit on Zuko cause he took away her 'reminders'

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Wan High Weeping (Part 48)

Kay, so holy shit, this is the longest chapter I have ever written I think lmao.

‘Do you know what you’ve cost me!?’ The message appeared in her inbox on several sites and on her phone. She was very well aware and it satisfied her to the core. Chan had told her; “you got her kicked off of the team, you know?”

At the time, she had not, but she was more than pleased to hear it.

“And what about you?”

“Yeah, me too. They didn’t want that kind of image for the team.”

For a second she felt bad. But really, what did they expect to come out of nudging and jabbing at her when she was already down? Did they think that she would remain embarrassingly passive for good?  Another message appeared from Usha. The girl was all over Azula’s pages, apparently her lesson wouldn’t be learned until after the trial took her down a couple thousand dollars. At least the others had the brainpower to keep quiet and let Usha fuss alone. Even Kori had nothing to say these days. Azula was under the impression that Kori was well aware that she was in the line of fire and if she stepped on Azula’s toes she’d be in the courtroom too. ‘Fucking bitch!’ Usha seethed from behind a screen.

Azula wondered if Yue would find this to be of any interest.

“Who are you talking to?” Zuko asked.

“No one, Zu-Zu.” Azula replied, slipping her phone back into her pocket.

“Thanks for driving me today.” He smiled.

“Don’t thank me yet. You’re driving me to the next one.”

Zuko laughed, though Azula didn’t know what was so humorous about it.

“I figured that I would be.” He noted.

Truth be told, it was kind of nice going with him to the sessions. It was convenient, it saved on gas money, and she didn’t feel so awkward and alone. Granted, this was only the second time they had driven to the session together.

“What are you seeing a therapist for anyways?” It was the second time he had asked.

“Father.” She said, simply. A safely broad answer.

“What did he do to you?”

Azula stood up. “It’s almost four, I think that you should head to the rehab side.” She caught Zuko rolling his eyes at the timing. But he couldn’t argue because, by all means, she was right. “I’ve got to get to my own session.” She started to walk away, turning around only to say, “meet me back here when you’re done.”

She gave Yue’s door two soft knocks and the woman beckoned her in.

“What happened?” Azula asked after taking her seat.

Yue cradled her casted arm. “I was in a car accident over the weekend. It wasn’t too serious, but I’m going to need a new car. I hope that your weekend went a little better.”

“It was fine. Zu-Zu, is living with mother and I now.”

“Your brother?”

Azula nodded. “That is his nickname.”

“How is that going?”

“Fine, so far. We drive here together.”

Yue smiled. “That sounds like a good thing. It looks like your hands are healing.”

Azula looked at the backs of her hands. The scabs on her knuckles had cleared completely. Granted, volleyball had given her a new bruise to take their place. “Yes.” She agreed.

“I take it, you have been sticking to the meal plan?”

“I have been, yes.”

“I can tell.” Yue noted. Before Azula had a chance to leap to conclusions, Yue adds, “your voice sounds less scratchy too.” She pauses. “Doesn’t it feel better?”

Reluctantly, Azula agreed to that as well. She did feel better, her throat wasn’t sore, her stomach didn’t ache, and she didn’t have to deal with cramping, so long as she didn’t pull something during practice. Practice, which she had the energy for.

She wasn’t constantly thinking of food either.

“It has only been a few weeks and you’ve already made a lot of progress. You realize that don’t you?”

It was in the back of her mind, yes, but she hadn’t really had the time to truly consider it. Not until Yue brought it to the foreground. Indeed, she was feeling more like herself. In most regards anyways. “But--.”

She didn’t have to finish for Yue to know. “You’re still worried about your weight, aren’t you?”

At that point, worried might have been an understatement. It was more or less and underlying dread.

“Give your body time, remember? You’ll find that the body is very effective at sorting itself out, given optimal conditions.” She drew out a few files. “Based on what your doctor has forwarded me, you are in very healthy condition, all things considered.”

“I know…” Azula trailed off. She can feel that much.

“Let me ask you something else.”

“Go ahead.”

“Has anyone made any comments about your weight?”

Azula thought for a moment. Neither Zuko nor Ursa had said anything. Nor had Iroh. She thought back to her reunion with Chan. The boy made no comments either, but she was almost certain that he was thinking it. “Not out loud.” She finally answered.

“I promise you, that you are the hardest on yourself.” Yue had said that the last time too. Apparently, a reminder wouldn’t hurt. Azula thought that she could use a reminder. “Just give yourself a little more time.”

“How much time?” Azula asked. She liked to think herself a patient person. But she was running low on it. She just wanted to be Azula again. Truly, Azula.

“It’s hard to say.” Yue admitted. “But you are doing very well, I’d say that your body is already mostly used to eating correctly again.” She peered at Azula’s medical files again. “In other words, I’d say you are at the point where your weight is going to flatline instead of increase. If you stick to your volleyball routine, perhaps add a morning jog on the side, an I think you’ll start to see the results you want sooner rather than later.”

It was the most reassuring thing she had heard all week.

“Two days from now, I’ll be at my first game of the season.”

“That’s wonderful news.” Yue grinned. “You’ll have to let me know how that goes.”

“We’re going to lose.” Azula replied flatly. “But it won’t be my fault. I don’t think that the rest of the team is trying as hard as they could be…”

“Have you considered that this is a good thing?”

“It makes me feel better about myself, I suppose.”

“You need to learn to play for fun before you can play competitively again. I’m under the impression that your father took something you enjoyed and turned it into something that came with a lot of stress. You need to reclaim what you enjoyed.”

Azula sighed. Now that she had at least somewhat of a handle on her eating habits, the woman wanted to start talking abuse. “I already have.” She said. “I like my new team…even though they have no hand eye-coordination whatsoever.” Frankly it their dreadful playing almost made her happy. They were less tense, they made jokes and jabs that were actually funny.

They were comfortable.

“I’ll give them this first game to mess around.” Azula declared. “But they will learn to play good.”

Yue snickered. “I’m sure that they will.” Her smile faded after a moment. “Can we talk about your father, Azula?”

.oOo.

Zuko took a seat and took a gander around the room. It was cozy with a shelf of books and a mural of a dormant volcano.  His new therapist sat behind his desk stroking a silvery beard. “Welcome, Mr. Kasai, I’m Dr. Jeong Jeong.”

“Zuko.” He returned.

“I do hope that we will get along better than you and Dr. Pakku did.”

“We can’t possibly get along worse.” Zuko replied.

“Alright, so what did and didn’t work when you talked to Dr. Pakku?”

“Nothing worked; he never let me finish talking, he always made assumptions, I don’t think that he wanted to work with a former heroin addict.”

Jeong Jeong scrawled something down in his notebook. “I will let you talk for as long as you want, Mr. Kasai...or would you prefer Zuko? Just let me know if I have cut you off or have made an assumption, I will do my best to correct it.”

“Zuko is fine.” He answered. “And I will.”

“Feel free to talk whenever you are ready.” Jeong Jeong prompted. “I would love to know what started your addiction in the first place, so we can cut away the root problem.”

“My family. Especially my father.” Zuko began. “I was pretty young when my mom left, I was about eight years old. Before she left, I always heard them arguing. He would get really loud and I didn’t understand what was going on. I don’t remember what he was yelling about but mother would usually cry. Most of the time, my sister would come into my room because they were being too loud for her and she couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t help because I was afraid too.” He paused. “A lot of the times I think that they fought over me and Azula. About how he was raising Azula wrong and how he was giving her too much attention and giving me none at all. My mother fought him because he put too much pressure on us and we were just kids. I thought that they just screamed at each other. But one day my sister went downstairs--I don’t remember why. I just know that she came upstairs and asked why daddy was hitting mommy…”

Jeong Jeong nodded. “Do you want my input or do you have more to add?”

“I have more to add.” He replied. “After that, I started noticing it more. I would listen for slaps and I would have to keep Azula from going downstairs, because I was afraid he would hurt her too. He smacked me when I went down for food while they were arguing.” He was getting a little ahead of himself. “So I stayed upstairs and sometimes I could hear him throwing things. After awhile mother left, I don’t think that she wanted to, because she wanted to protect us. But my father got the divorce papers and they were in court. She didn’t have any money and she couldn’t prove the abuse, father stopped hitting her around when he decided that he was going to take her to court. So he got custody of us. My mother filed for a restraining order and my father let her get it so he wouldn’t have to waste anymore time.” Zuko stopped to let the man finish writing. “After mom was gone he started abusing me instead, and, I think, my sister too. Father liked to get in her head. She liked being the favorite and he got her to help him hurt me. She mostly said things that hurt. Father did things that hurt. I have scars on my back from his belt. I have them on my sides too. A few years ago we were learning about drugs in my health class. I found out that a lot of people use heroin to get rid of physical pain.

I decided to try it for myself.”

Jeong Jeong took all of that down.

“I am done.” He replied.

“Very well.” Jeong Jeong replied. “Have you since taken steps to protect yourself from your father, because that would be a good start. I would also advice accepting that you shouldn’t crave acceptance from your father.”

“But I do!” Zuko burst out. “I hate him. But I do. I want him to value me.”

“Do you?” Jeong Jeong asked. “Do you really want to be praised by a man like that? A man who would hit his wife? A man like that will only accept a man who does the misdeeds he does.”

Zuko stuttered to form a defense. “Well…”

“Do not defend a man who will not do the same for you. Do not fight to earn the praise of someone who won’t respect you. Do not looking up to a man who looks down on you. Are you getting the picture?”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“That was not my intent.” Jeong Jeong replied. “I do not mean to sound condescending. I was simply trying to tell you that you are a respectable man so you should treat yourself with respect and take less consideration into those who won’t.”

His mouth ran dry. “I.” He tried. “I didn’t think about it like that.”

“Have you taken steps to distance yourself from your abuser?”

“I live with my mother now.” He replied. “And my sister and mother are taking him to court. I plan on testifying.”

“Good steps. Wise ones, it sounds like you have a support system.”

“My uncle and my boyfriend have been really helpful.”

“And what about your sister? You mentioned that she helped your father abuse you?”

“Until this past summer.” He replied.

“And then what happened?”

“She bothered me less when she found out that I was on drugs. I think that she was concerned right before I ran away. She was the one who told my uncle to find me. I think that it’s because he, father, started treating her like he treats me and...she’s different now.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“I think so. She drove me here today.”

Jeong Jeong jotted that down. “I think that what you have going is a good start. Make amends with her. The closer you are to your sister and mother, the less power your father will have. I can get you your file, if that will aid in the court process.”

“That would be great!” Zuko smiled. “The trial is next Saturday, if you can get it by then.”

“That is possible.” Jeong Jeong promised. He looked at the wall on the clock. “For now, Zuko, I would like you to maintain and strengthen your support system. The larger and sturdier it is, the easier it will be for you to stay clean.” He stood up. “And congratulations on one month.” He extended an arm. “You have my respect.”

Zuko shook his hand. “Thank you.”

Jeong Jeong nodded. “Thank yourself, Zuko, you have done most of the work. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

“You too, Dr. Jeong Jeong.”

“I will see you on Tuesday.”

Zuko closed the door behind him. Jeong Jeong definitely suited his needs more than Pakku did. Respect. Self-respect. Why hadn’t he considered the concept before?

.oOo.

Azula laced up her shoes and slung her bag over her shoulder.

The bus was about to leave and she couldn’t get the nervous flutter out of her tummy. She didn’t recall ever having felt so nervous before a game. But then, she had never been so out of shape for one either. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that she was doing this for pleasure, not for competition. At least for now.

“You okay?” Chinami asked.

“I’m fine.” Azula replied.

She watched Zirin rummage through her backpack, declaring that she was going to finish her homework during the bus ride. Ikue and Ryoko shared headphones, listening to their music loud enough for Azula to hear the lyrics as well. That left Chinami and Shoko for company. Coach Ruka ran through her pep talk and then left them to socialize. Chinami spent much of the ride showing she and Shoko her favorite cat videos. Azula didn’t protest, she could use the distraction.

Stepping back onto the court in front of a crowd was surreal and disorienting. She scanned the crowd and found Ursa. she caught her mother’s eye and the woman waved. She nudged Zuko who gave a wave of his own. She returned it. She caught TyLee wheeling Teo next to them.

It was her first game in ages.

And the first time her mother and Teo would ever seen her play.

Was she going to lose? Most certainly, but at least it was a game.

At least she was on the court again.

Azula was to make the first serve. She wished that she could pull off a jump serve. Instead she settled for a topspin serve.  She scanned the court for an opening and hit the ball. The opposing team was a speedy lot, they hit it back with ease. Zirin returned their defensive strike. Azula watched the ball go over the net a few times before it came back within her reach. She bumped it back, aiming for the small spot they left undefended. The ball hit the floor with a satisfying thump.

Azula didn’t know who blushed more when Ursa started hollering, she or Zuko.

“Man, I wish my mom loved me that much.” Zirin mumbled, letting the volleyball land on the ground next to her. “Whoops.”

“Zirin, pay attention.” Azula hissed.

“Sorry.” She winced.

They rotated positions and it was Zirin’s turn to serve. She hoped that the girl could at least make it over the net, with her it was always hit or miss. Tonight, seemed like a hit kind of night. Again the ball came in Azula’s direction, a fast hit. Faster than she could manage in current.

The other team made their serve. Another fast strike that evaded Ryoko and Ikue. But Azula wouldn’t let it evade her, not a second time. She spiked it back, throwing just as much momentum into it as they had served the ball with.

She managed to score them another point.

The only other point they managed to steal for the rest of the game.

Azula sighed, that was definitely the worst she had ever done. But at least she had managed to do something. Apparently her teammates begged to differ.

“Wow, that was our best game in a while.” Chinami noted.

“Have we ever scored more than one point before?” Ryoko asked.

“I think that there was this one time when we scored three points.” Ikue pointed out.

“But that was the longest, we’ve ever kept the ball from hitting the ground.” Shoko noted.

Zirin came up behind Azula. “You are good at volleyball!”

“I used to be better.” Azula frowned.

“I don’t know, you’re still really fast. I feel like they wouldn’t have scored as much if we were that fast.” Zirin disagreed.

“Thanks.” She replied. “And, don’t worry, you will be.”

“See, now you’re scaring me…”

“Good.” Azula smirked. “We will be practicing on weekends, starting after this weekend.”

“We will?”

“I will send all of you my address. You all will learn to score points.”

Coach Ruka laughed. “Azula, stop threatening your teammates with the possibility of success.” And then in a mumble she replied, “trust me, it doesn’t work.”

“I’ll get it to work coach, and you will have a team that can make it, at least, to regionals.” Azula vowed. “They’re good at this, they just don’t want to admit it because…” she paused. “Because it’s safer not to. They just need to put some real effort in.”

Coach Ruka grinned. “Please tell them that, they need to hear it. This team, they’ve gotten so used to losing that they just gave up entirely. They have fun and everyone says that that’s what counts. But I don’t think it would hurt to reignite some ambition!” She turned her attention away for a moment but seemed to remember something at the last minute. “Maybe while you teach them to take things more seriously, they can help you learn to play for fun. I don’t want you to make a chore of this.”

Azula nodded. But she did find it enjoyable, the prospect of being able to train a team from the ground up. It was something she didn’t get a chance to do with a group of girls who were so naturally talented. She spotted Zirin conversing with her little brother and her parents. Each of the girls seemed invested with their own families. It appeared that Chinami had a few friends in the crowd, Nagako among them. And for once, Azula had a family to talk to. She wandered over to them. “When did you get here?”

“Towards the middle.” Iroh answered. “I would have been here sooner if my tea kettle didn’t boil over.” He looked as though he were on the verge of tears. “I have not overcooked my tea in years.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “It had to happen some time.” He turned to Azula. “I thought that you said you weren’t any good anymore.”

“Perhaps that was an exaggeration.” Azula replied. “Still, I’ve played much better in the past.”

“You did wonderful, dear.” Ursa pulled her into a tight hug.

“Mother, please.” She muttered.

Ursa let her go. “Sorry, I forgot that you don’t like hugs. Congratulations on your first game.” She handed Azula an armful of flowers. Teo and TyLee offered her two more small bouquets.

Though she hardly thought that she had put on a flower-worthy performance the sentiment was nice. “I am going to Zirin’s after game party. I might spend the night there.”

“Alright, just call me before bed. Just so I can sleep easy.” Ursa requested.

“Sure.” Azula replied.

She followed her team back to the bus. They were extra talkative this time around. They were in better spirits. Zirin slung her arm over Azula’s shoulder. “Azula says she’s going to help us win the next game.”

“I’m going to try.” Azula replied as Ikue decided to grace the rest of the team with her music. Wan High’s team had never done an on-bus sing along. Azula didn’t think she had ever cringed so hard in her life.  She had certainly never enjoyed doing so.

She certainly didn’t think that she would cave and sing a number with Zirin.

Their spunk tapered off towards the end of the bus ride, it was getting rather late and the energy spent in the game started to catch up. Shoko was out rather cold, snoring silently to herself. Ryoko and Ikue returned silently to their music and Chinami was nodding off.

Zirin continued to speak with her until she joined Shoko.

Left to her own thoughts, Azula pondered upon the game. All in all, she supposed it had gone pretty well. She wasn’t in condition for her jump serves nor her more advanced play strategies. But she hadn’t stumbled around and missed any defenses as she had thought she would.

Perhaps she hadn’t lost as much of her progress as she had anticipated. She just needed to brush up. She would have more than enough time to do that when she began weekend sessions with the other girls.

She tried to think about that instead of fretting over seeing Ozai again.

The bus pulled into the school parking lot. Chinami stretched and yawned before heading to her car.

“You haven’t been to my house yet.” Zirin noted. “It’s pretty close by here, just follow the rest of us.”

Once at Zirin’s home, Azula found a spot to lay her sleeping bag before joining the others in the kitchen. “My mom made cupcakes and we have chips and dip. Oh and, by Shoko’s request, we have brownies too.”

It all sounded enticing, but Azula opted to sit at the end of the table with only a cup of juice. She had eaten before the game.

“Don’t you want anything, Azula?” Zirin offered.

“I’m fine.” Azula replied.

“We just had our first game! Treat yourself, girl.”

Azula sighed. Treats weren’t in her meal plan. She supposed one that brownie couldn’t hurt, she’d just have to keep herself from eating the rest of them. She picked it up and took bite.

“Good right?” Shoko asked. “Zirin’s mom can cook.”

Azula nodded.

“Do you not like, sweets?” Chinami asked.

Azula thought of the question for a moment, deciding that she has known them long enough to just come out with the truth. “That’s, basically, the opposite of the problem.” She confessed. “I miss practices on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s to see a therapist for my bulimia.”  

.oOo.

Zuko was left to assume that Azula’s party had gone well, she was in a pretty good mood when she entered. Zuko was in a decent mood himself save for a bone deep tiredness. Jeong Jeong had prescribed him medication for insomnia, informing him that insomnia, depression, and irritability were all lingering withdrawal effects. Frankly, he couldn’t wait to be free of those.

He made his way into the bathroom and tugged of his shirt. His scars glared at him from within the mirror. He tried his hardest to keep his eyes from wandering to them, it was what Ozai had wanted when giving them to him; to give him a steady reminder of why and how he’d gotten them.

Slipping grades and a lack of natural academic skills. He’d only proven the man right in dropping out. He turned the shower knob and allowed the water to heat back up. It was fine, he told himself, next year he would be going for his GED. And then he could move onto college as he should have done this year.

He stepped into the shower and shampooed his hair.

He grabbed the bar of soap and lathered his body, taking care not to dwell on the ugly pockmarks on his arms. He hated them almost more than the scars his father gave him. At least the slashes on his torso and back were a sign of perseverance, and withstanding. The small indents on his arms, those were a display of weakness and failure. He wondered if he could find a cosmetic to make them less pronounced. He didn’t want his heroine abuse to be displayed so prominently; who would let a former heroin addict onto their campus?

He turned the water off, stepped onto the floor towel, and rubbed a different towel over his hair. He used it to dry the rest of him and then drape it around his waist. He peered at his phone just on time to see a text alert disappear.

He unlocked the phone, hoping that it was Hahn.

‘You ought not to meddle in things that have nothing to do with you.’ The number was a throw away one, but he had an inkling as to what name he could attach to it.

Like hell, the trial had nothing to do with him.

He wandered downstairs to see his sister putting a bowl in the sink.

“Hey, Azula?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you get any texts this morning?”

“Two.” Azula replied.

“What were they!?” He demanded.

“You’re intense today.” Azula replied. “Shoko is sending me memes and Katara told me that Sokka is stuck with a criminal record and community service...and that his daughter was born prematurely while he was on trial.”

Zuko blinked. “That family is having worse luck than ours.” It had been such a long time since he talked to any of them. The last time he’d seen Sokka was when the man was threatening to kick his ass for flirting with Katara during an off phase with Mai. It hadn’t been his proudest moment, especially considering how much he used to pester her for being a stony prude. His cheeks flushed. “I haven’t seen them since...you know.”

“Since you were a complete, jackass?” Azula smiled smugly.

He rolled his eyes. “Since when do you talk to Katara? Last time I checked, you were a jackass too.”

“True.” She replied. “Anyways, why did you ask about the texts.”

“You have your secrets, I have mine.” He wondered if it was safer to let her know about Ozai’s texts or to not give her an extra thing to worry about.

“That’s fair.” She shrugged.

.oOo.

Since the game, practices have been coming easily to her. She liked to think that she was getting back into the swing of things. School itself was going well enough. They had worked out a way to transfer her assignments seamlessly. On a few days she had lunch with Hakoda and a few of her other teachers doing mostly makeup assignments to pick her grades back up to where she wanted them. That Thursday she was back in the cafeteria with the rest of her team and Nagako.

“I keep forgetting to ask.” Ikue spoke up. “Was that your brother who came to our game?”

“Yes, why?” Azula replied between bites of food.

“He’s kind of cute.”

“And suddenly, I’m not hungry anymore.” Azula grumbled. “Luckily for you and I both, he’s taken.”

“Lucky?” Ikue asked.

“Zu-Zu is...he’s Zu-Zu.”

“Good to know.” Ryoko commented as the bell rang.

Zirin hustled to finish the last of her lunch. “I’ll see you girls at practice.” And to Azula. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow. Good luck with therapy.”

After her last class, Azula hurried to her locker. If she was quick enough she’d have enough time to stop at home and get a few assignments done before her appointment. She shut her locker and made her way to her car and to Ursa’s home. Her mother wasn’t home yet so she fixed herself a snack, something to hold her over until dinner time. She used to have snacks, so she’d allow herself one every once in a while. She wondered where Zuko had gone, perhaps to visit Hahn before his appointment. Azula had barely gotten a chance to put her food on the table before she received a text. Pulling out her assignments for the afternoon, she swiped at the screen.

She arranged the assignments from the most tedious to the least tedious and peered at her phone’s screen. It was a clips from her volleyball game. She hit play, hoping to see a recording of her scoring a point. Instead the clip rolled on to remind her of the point she’d let the other team score. It played in a loop, only interrupted by a new text alert. ‘It’s a shame. All of that wasted talent.’

Azula put her pencil down and swallowed.

The man wasn’t done with her. ‘You would probably be faster, more efficient, if you weren’t so heavy.’ She pushed her phone and her snack to the side and snatched up the most difficult of her assignments. It left little room to think about anything else. Not like the reading assignment, that allowed her mind to wander.

She was glad that she was alone.

.oOo.

Zuko tried to slip by as quietly as possible. Azula had never cried in front of him so openly, so he knew that she hadn’t noticed him yet. He didn’t know if he should put the fandom merch Hahn had given him away and return downstairs or if he should put it away and stay in his room. Comforting a venerable Azula seemed like a job for mother, but Ursa wasn’t home.

He rubbed his hands over his face. He had no idea what could even be bothering her, she was doing so well since her game.

His phone sounded, a welcomed distraction until he saw the nameless number. He caught only a glimpse before deleting the damn thing. ‘Street trash,’ ‘disappointment’, ‘worthless dropout’. It was nothing that he hadn’t heard before.

It was the sheer influx of these messages that was getting to him. Every time he blocked the number a new one would appear. Or the number would unblock itself. His father worked with electronics, of course he had the know-how and the resources.

Another text pushed him to approach Azula. He had a good feeling that she had gotten a message or two and he was starting to regret not warning her.

“Azula?”

She wasn’t crying so hard anymore.

“When did you get here?” She didn’t turn around.

“A while ago…” he trailed off. “I didn’t think that you wanted me to see…”

“You are correct.”

He looked at the clock, if anything they could finish their conversation in the car. “What did he say to you?”

“The same things he always says, Zu-Zu.”

“Yeah, he’s been doing the same to me. I tried not to look at them, but I’m pretty sure I got a death threat.”

“I was doing so good…” She mumbled more to herself.

“What do you mean?” In asking he hadn’t expected her to open up as much as she did. He hadn’t expected her to tell him that she didn’t want to go to her appointment because she didn’t want to have to tell Yue that she had thrown up again. “Did you do...that alot?” Was all he could ask.

“Almost daily.” She muttered.

“That’s why they sent you to therapy.” He said quietly.

“That’s part of it.”

“Part of it?”

“They took me away from him because I tried to…” She paused. “I tried to kill myself.”

His stomach lurched. While he was off doing drugs, she had tried to end her life. What kind of older brother was he?  No. What kind of father was Ozai to put the two of them in such places and to try to do it again. “I relapsed too.” Zuko tried. “And I didn’t even need Ozai’s help to do it.”

But he knew his sister well enough to know that even a minor relapse wasn’t acceptable. He didn’t know her well enough to know how to comfort her. “Why don’t we head to therapy, Yue can probably help better than I can.” He wished that it wasn’t true.

“Whose turn is it to drive?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Zuko replied. “I’ll drive.”

.oOo.

“One time isn’t going to set you back, Azula. Not unless you make it into a habit again.” Yue declared firmly. “Promise me that you won’t make this a regular occurance?”

Azula nodded. She did her best to keep eye contact.

Yue cupped her hand over Azula’s, “do you mind.”

Azula shook her head so Yue kept her hand in place.

“You’re handling this very well. There aren’t many people who broke the habit as fast as you have. I’m not that worried about you?”

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

“Because you didn’t try to keep your relapse a secret as some of my other clients have. I can tell that purging didn’t make you feel good, did it?”

“No.” She replied. “It didn’t.”

“Would you like to do it again?”

“Not particularly.” Azula replied.

“Do you want to tell me why you purged again?”

She found it hard, at first, to come out with it. But she decided to rip the band-aid. It was infinitely harder to admit to herself that all the guilt had come crashing down on her with Ozai’s simple message. That she felt bad for treating herself so many times, even if it was just an occasional, perfectly normal thing. The entire session was more uncomfortable than it had been in a long while. She left herself wondering why she had to be this way.

Azula appreciated Yue’s patience and the respect she still gave her. At least she could fall with some dignity. Yue let her go with a promise that she would eat a full dinner that night, perhaps with a desert if she was comfortable enough.

Ursa made it surprisingly easy to feel comfortable.

The woman served stake and ice cream. Azula tried not to think too much about when she was doing, in dipping her spoon into the ice cream. Her mother provided a solid enough distraction.

Her sheer outrage when both she and Zuko showed her the texts was almost comical.

“Just wait until your uncle hears about this.” She muttered to herself. “I swear.” She was pacing and making wild gestures and suddenly Azula knew exactly where Zuko had picked up on that habit. “I will find that man. Did I ever tell the two of you what drew your... ‘father’ to me in the first place?”

“No.” Zuko replied quietly.

“He met me in high school. I was in theater.” Azula couldn’t gauge where the woman was going with this. “He saw me on the stage and said that he had never seen such aggression and passion from one woman.” Ursa paused, leaving Azula and Zuko with enough time to exchange sideways glances.

Azula sucked at what remained of the ice cream on her spoon.

“That aggression was acting. He is about to see real aggression.” The woman sat back down. “Are the two of you enjoying desert?” She asked more cheerfully.

“Yeah, it’s great mom.” Zuko replied.

“Pretty good.” Azula agreed. A bit of an understatement. She did miss vanilla ice cream. She tried her hardest not to let Ozai make her feel bad for enjoying it. But it refused to leave the back of her mind. The trial was in two days and she was going to have to see him in person having made no progress…

No visible progress, she reminded herself.

She had made a lot of progress otherwise.

“Do you want to stay in my room tonight?” Zuko offered.

“What?”

“Like when we were kids. When we heard dad and mom arguing, you used to sleep on the floor…”

“I’m already seeing a problem there.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Fine, I can stay in your room and sleep on the floor and it will be sort of like old times.”

“Better.” Azula replied. “Alright, you can stay in my room tonight.” She could use the company. If her thoughts became too much, she could pester him about how his date with Hahn went.

She dressed herself for bed and handed the bathroom over to Zuko, not quite understanding why he just couldn’t use one of the other bathrooms. She had herself draped in blankets when her phone buzzed. She almost didn’t want to look at it, but she picked it up anyhow.

‘So, how many ass-kissing points do I earn if I beat your dad up?’

Azula sighed, wondering what her father was up to on the social media pages to draw Chan’s attention. ‘Depends’, Azula replied, ‘how and when are you beating him up?’

‘I don’t know...honestly, he’d probably kick my ass. But I’d try if it makes up for anything.’

‘Go to bed, Chan.’ Azula rolled her eyes and set her phone to the side. She hated when he did stupid things like that, things that made her remember how things were before her accident. Things that made her smile when she didn’t want to.

Not that she wasn’t going to make him grovel and beg a little more.

Zuko entered the room. “You feeling any better?”

“I’ll be fine, Zu-Zu.” At the very least, she would be eventually.

.oOo.

Zuko eyed Azula curiously. She stood with her head held high, looking for all the world, as if she had no fears at all. She held her hands behind her back, the red power suit and heels worked very heavily in her favor to annunciate a confidence she may or may not have. Mother stood closely next to her as they ran through the opening statements.

For himself, Zuko was dreadfully nervous. He liked to think that his suit was just as sharp as Azula’s and that is posture was as rigid and ready. He didn’t think that Ozai stood much of a chance now that Ursa had financial stability. And even less of a chance with the files Jeong Jeong had given him on Thursday. Yue’s presence wasn’t going to do him any favors either.

Zuko let his gaze fall on Ozai. The man met his eyes and gave a smile with all the friendliness of a vampire. The man had even styled his beard for the occasion. Not that Zuko hadn’t done some self grooming of his own. The man looked eerily like Azula in his manner and he thought that Azula might be trying to outshine him...to out intimidate him.

But she was still Azula and he was still Ozai. Azula had warmth in her that Ozai did not, Zuko knew that Ozai could detect it through her cold demeanor. Zuko listened in on their verbal exchange, finding that Azula was every bit as slick as her father. Every bit as smooth and undeterred in her speech. He only knew that she was nervous because she had mentioned it in passing some hours prior.

“Is it true, Mr. Kasai, that, at one point, you had put locks on the fridge?” The judge asked.

“I have.” Ozai confessed. “But not for the reasons you think.”

Of course the man would lie under oath.

“What reasons could you possibly have for doing so?”

“I have locks for everything, your honor. The fridge was no different. People want what I have. Should someone successfully enter my estate and steal from me, I would at least like to have a meal while thinking things over.”

The plaintiff attorney spoke. “Would you like to tell us when you had the locks installed?”

“I do not recall the exact date.” Ozai spoke. “It is a trivial matter.”

“Can you tell us when he had them installed?” The judge addressed Azula.

“The night after Halloween. November first of this year.” She paused. “I had gone to a party and binged. It was posted on social media. My father had happened upon it and instilled locks afterward.”

Zuko was surprised at how smoothly, how unwaveringly she recounted it. As though it didn’t bother her even slightly.

“By ‘binged’, you mean…?”

“I am bulimic.” Azula replied. “I have a therapist.” She motioned to Yue.

“The courtroom would like to hear from her.” The judge replied as she gave Yue a quick once over. “But first I would like to know what led you to see a therapist and what has prompted your case of bulimia.”

“I had an accident over the summer. It caused some weight gain.”

Zuko hoped that he could be that forward when making his statement.

“Between my father and a few of my peers, I decided that I wanted to lose it quickly. Things weren’t going as I wanted them to. I was hoping for fast results. Father was expecting them. But I wasn’t able to get them. He would make remarks and the like and I would try harder. I would refuse food until I couldn’t anymore. And when I couldn’t resist, I would sneak meals. Halloween was one such time.” She paused. “The morning after, he pulled me out of my room--I hadn’t finished dressing--and made me weigh myself. He installed locks that night. And I overdosed later that week. That is why I started therapy and why I was placed under my mother’s care.”

“On what day, did you make your attempt, Mrs. Kasai?”

“Wednesday, the 4th of November.” Azula answered. “I have documentation.”

“I would like to see it.”

A few hours into the dialogue, the conversation turned to him, “is it true, that a few years ago CPS came to the estate regarding you?”

“Yes.” Zuko confirmed. “Uncle...my uncle, Iroh, called them.” Taking a page from Azula’s script he added, “I have documentation of it. Along with the rest of my profile.”  He passed the files Jeong Jeong had acquired for him. As the judge looked it over he continued. “He has been abusing me since I was around eleven years old. I think, maybe even earlier than that.”

“You have a history of running away?” The judge looked up.

“To escape from this.” He lifted his shirt some.

Ozai scowled. “The result of a car accident.”

“Objection, your honor.” Spoke their attorney. “The only record we have of a car accident involving the Kasai family is one that had been thoroughly examined and proven false. There are, however, reports from neighbors and psychologists, of domestic violence and child abuse. Mrs. Kasai has a restraining order filed against her former husband.”

“One I willingly gave her.” Ozai cut in.

The judge bangs her gavel once. “Wait your turn, Mr. Kasai.”

Zuko caught Azula’s eye. Something about her composed posture comforted him. Something about her expression, leaves him feeling more secure.

And he recalled that this was how she looked at him just before Ozai jumped in and took her side in an argument. How she looked before scoring a winning point.

He held his head higher when the judge came back to him, because Azula knew that they were going to win. And because she was so sure, he was as well.

When they did win, he could finally move forward.

All three of them could.

As a family.

Unburdened and unhaunted by a common tormentor.

He would have a real chance to thrive. He and Azula both.

#Avatar #Azula #Zuko #Ozai #Ursa #Katara #Sokka #Suki #Aang #Toph #Mai #TyLee #Fanfiction