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alara-kahya · 3 months

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"Things end, that's all. Everything ends, and it's always sad. But everything begins again, and that's always happy." - 12th Doctor.

Self Para: Post break-up, 3 days later. Involved: Jayden Cross (deceased), her mom & Kian. Mentions: Nate Donovan & Emiri Tezel. Location/s: Cemetery & her home. Triggers: Death, grief, heartache.

"So, yeah, that's it. Sorry to come and bring bad news, I just... Well, selfishly I guess I thought it would help." Sighing as she sat on the ground in front of Jayden's grave, she tucked her knees into her chest and decided to just wallow for a minute. It was day three since Nate had walked out and aside from this right here, she hadn't told anyone. Not her mom, not even Emiri. What was she supposed to say? "I don't know how to talk about it with anyone else, or maybe I'm just scared to." Yeah, that felt more accurate. Alara had worked so incredibly hard over the years to shape herself into a strong and confident woman, it was difficult for her to show that she was still capable of being hurt. "I know what you'd say, I even know what you'd do, you would hug me and tell me to call my mom. Actually, you'd probably call her yourself. You can't beat a hug from your mom." She chuckles, saying something that Jayden used to say about her mother. Honestly, he was as close to an adopted child as her mom had, it broke her too when he died.

The soft laugh soon turned into a sniffle and before she knew it, she was choking back a sob and desperately wiping at the tears that spilled over her eyes. "How did I let this happen again," she puffed out a breath, still somehow laughing between crying, though it was far from a place of amusement. "I did what you always wanted me to do and I took a chance. Now look at me, right back to square one and you're not even here for me to say it's all your fault." Joking, but the words only made her miserable. "I feel like a fool, I really thought if I just kept patience, he'd find his moment and talk to me. Now I'm wondering if I should have pushed harder? And then I hate myself for thinking this could be my fault, because it isn't, is it? I gave him everything, and it just wasn't enough, how am I supposed to accept that? How can I when I don't understand." Groaning, what she does understand now is why she chose to come here and talk to a headstone over someone who could actually support her. Emotional and manic wasn't her best look, she wanted to try and vent a lot of it out before she turned to her family and friends. "It just hurts, it... yeah, it hurts."

The ache that swirled all around her insides only rippled outwards until it felt like even breathing in was painful. "I'm so lost without you, Jj, I miss you so much. So much." It wasn't fair. A thought that she seemed to be thinking a lot lately. Nothing was ever fair and she couldn't stand it. "You don't know what I'd give to go back, even if it was just to see you one last time." She lost herself when he had died, that much was clear to everyone who loved her, but what a lot of them didn't realize was that she never truly recovered. A part of her was still lost, still trying to claw it's way back but it never would. There was an empty space there in her heart that belonged entirely to her best friend. Sighing, she swiped more tears away and climbed up to her feet, staying crouched as her brown eyes lingered over his name. "Love you. I'll be back in a couple days, I'll bring beer." With a sad smile and a soft hand pressed against the cold stone, she takes a deep breath and turns to leave. Hopefully looking a little less blurry-eyed by the time she got home to greet her mother.

"Hey," calling out as she drops her bag at the door. "Sorry I'm late, work ran over and then I got talking to Jay," a statement that wasn't out the ordinary, it was never unusual for her to visit the cemetery just to keep her lost friend upto date on her life. "That's ok, sweetie. Little man is all tucked up, he's just waiting for a hug," her mom smiles, though she can't help but eye Alara with mild suspicion. "Everything ok?" Hard not to notice bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks when they were right in front of you, but it wasn't just that. It was something Kian had told her while they ate dinner. That he heard his mommy crying in the middle of the night. "Yeah, I'll go give him his hug," shying away from her gaze, she knew she couldn't talk about it right now, not while her son was waiting for her.

Making her way up the stairs, she does her best to rub the mascara away and go in his room with a warm greeting. "Hello my beautiful baby. Sorry I missed dinner." Walking over to sit on the end of his bed, her smile actually reaching her eyes just at the sight of him. "That's okay, but nanna made me eat sweetcorn," he pulled a blegh face and shuffled out his covers to envelope his arms around her. An action that had her eyes stinging with a fresh set of tears as she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. "I didn't tell her sweetcorn is on the no no list now." Chuckling, she kisses at the top of his head, and holds him tight, finding a warm comfort that only he could ever really provide. It almost made her unwilling to tuck him back in, but she did, somehow resisting the urge to just lay down with him. "Mommy?" Innocent eyes peer up at her as she strokes his hair. "Are you sad?"

The question made her heart hurt, she never wanted to be sad in front of him but she should have known, he was always very perceptive. "I'm a little bit sad, yeah. Missing your Uncle Jayden a lot today." It wasn't a lie, and she obviously wasn't going to tell her four-year-old child about her breakup. "It's okay to be sad sometimes, as long as you know how to make yourself happy again, and I do, so don't worry." Nodding, she wasn't sure that part was quite true, not as things stood. "How do you do that?" He asks, making her laugh softly. "Well, I just look at you and all that sadness goes away. You know what I always tell you, I'm the luckiest mommy in the world to have a baby as kind and loving as you. But it's late, so close your eyes and dream nice dreams. I love you." Leaning forward to kiss his head, she waits for him to say it back and gently leaves the room, door ajar just how he liked it.

As soon as he was out of sight, she has her hands pressed over her mouth, silencing the hiccup and quickly making her way to her room. Washing up and getting into her pj's, she's surprised when she sees her mom still here, waiting for her on the sofa. "Now that your baby is settled, let me settle mine..." Patting a hand on the sofa, Alara looks between her and the spot, wary, almost timid. She didn't want to break, but damn, it didn't matter how old she got, a mother's influence was always the instinctive way to run. And so, she grabs a blanket and walks over, settling herself closely by her side, head on her shoulder and arm around her front, allowing her mother to just be there and hold her.

"Jayden was never wrong about this, can't beat one of your hugs." Smiling as she sits up, she doesn't bother to hide the sad defeat in her eyes, instead, she just shrugs. "Nate and I are done. He'd rather spiral than lean on me. I tried, but... It's pretty impossible to fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for." The corners of her eyes crease as she tries to say it with a calm tone. As soon as she hears her mom say she's sorry, she shakes her head, trying to tell her she didn't really have anything else to say, except maybe... "You know what the worst part is? I never forgot how crap this feels, I broke my own promise never to put myself back in a position where I can be hurt because... I managed to convince myself that this time, it wouldn't end with tears."

And in a gesture to her own, she scoffs a sad half-laugh and tries to swallow the lump in her throat. She appreciates that her mom gives her the time to talk without interrupting, the squeeze on her arm is comforting enough without making her feel crowded. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship. Some people aren't, and that's fine. I was happy by myself, I can be that way again." Nodding, "Yeah. It's fine. I'm- I'll be fine." Maybe if she said it enough, she would actually start to believe it. "Alara..." That soft tone of a concerned mother had her sucking in a breath as she shakes her head. "Don't. Please, just don't. I don't need you to say anything." She practically insists, misty brown eyes lifting up to hers only to close with a shaky sigh. "Okay, sweetie. I won't. But you should go get me some pajamas because I'll be staying here tonight." Her mom says, lifting a hand up to Alara's cheek, hoping that she wouldn't protest. Truthfully, she didn't have the energy, and not being alone sounded far better. "Thank you."

#;; self para #;; nate donovan #;; caria kahya #;; kian kahya #;; jayden cross #;; emiri tezel

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theartofruling · 15 days

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Reunited with a Ghost || Rowan Self Para

Who: Rowan Hartwell + Jayden Hartwell

Where: Southland Palace

When: End of March

Rowan was not a fan of bed rest, but it was made better with her cat Cleo keeping her company. The transfer of power had gone to River as she simply sat in bed, resting. She heaved a sigh because Markus was working, River was working and she was really missing her mom, knowing she would be having another child and her mother wouldn't get to witness it. She had dismissed her Ladies in waiting for the day. Even Scarlett was out with her dad for the week. She was utterly lonely in the moment and she knew it was her suped up hormones in this magical pregnancy. Cleo cuddled closer as if she could feel Rowan’s emotional shift. “Mama, it’s not fair that you don’t get to be here. It’s not fair you don’t get to see your granddaughters.” She could feel unshed tears stinging the back of her eyes.

Just as she laid down, her body shaking with the sobs of grief that no matter how long it had been still hit her like a wave crashing against the shore, she heard a knock on the door. “Jade,” a familiar but unwelcome voice called out rushing over to her. “My sweet baby. I’m here.”

Rowan recoiled at the sight of her father’s mistress, and Cleo stood taking a defensive stance in front of Rowan. Not many people on the staff knew he was still alive but Bianca did. And that wasn’t all she knew. She and Raymond were an item. It was knowledge that Rowan detested knowing and even more so detested the woman. “Bianca, get out of my room. And never in your life call me Jade again or I swear to the suns and sands I will rip your fucking heart out with my bare hands.” The vitriol in her voice was familiar. But it didn’t sound like her. It sounded much like her father. Even to her own ears, she could recognize how much like him she could be.

It caused a chuckle from Bianca, and she stroked Cleo’s fur as if she were familiar with the cat. Cleo, the traitor, relaxed into the touch as though this was familiar. “You sound just like him. Ray, will be proud to know you have it in you.”

“Why are you here, Bianca?”

“Jade, you have a gift that not many share listen. It’s not Bianca. Her body? Yes, but it’s your mother. I was here watching over you when you started to cry. I went to Bianca and she agreed to let me in to take over to…hold my baby one more time. Or she said for as long as I want.” Tears rolled down Bianca’s face and Rowan really listened. It was true. She heard the two conversing in her consciousness. Her mother was really here.

“Mama?!” Jayden Hartwell was really back in some form. “So it’s true? The Veil is down? For how long?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to waste a minute. Can I climb into bed with you? I know you’re grown but I want to hold my sweet child who’s carrying a baby of her own.”

Rowan nodded and Jayden climbed into bed with her wrapping her arms around her. Cleo settled in front of Rowan resting her head next to Rowan’s tummy. “Mama, things have been so hard. I don’t feel like I’m leading. I feel like I’m existing. Doing everything wrong. I haven’t even started trying to renew the peace treaty and I don’t know if it’s possible. And I don’t know if I’m being a good wife or mother because you’re not here so I can’t lean on you. Why weren’t you here! Why didn’t you try to be here?! I got married without my dad to walk me down the aisle. I had a baby and I was so scared and I just wanted you to be there and you weren’t! And now I’m having another one I…” Rowan sobbed and it felt like her heart was aching with a mixture of anger and grief.

Jayden stroked her hair, holding her tight. “I know, and I’m sorry. I don’t know who is responsible for my death Rowan, but I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder for you. Rocky isn’t here?”

“No. Since your death she travels and I think Ryan hurt you for the throne. Without River I would be a Hartwell alone. You and dad prepared me for a full family. You never prepared me for this! To have so little family and to do this without you.” She knew she shouldn’t waste this time with anger but she had been holding on for so long.

“My sweet Jade, I’m sorry. But you’re not alone. You have River. You have your father. You have your daughter, your husband. You aren’t alone.” She stroked. “You could also have Bianca if you let her.”

“Mama, don’t make me throw up! Can you stay? At least long enough to meet Markus and the babies?”

“I don’t know how long the veil will be down. But as long as I have Bianca’s approval I’ll be here.” She paused as if she was listening to something. “She said I can stay as long as I want.”

“Okay,” Rowan said quietly. Her mom began to hum a song that would calm her when her anxiety. It lulled her right to sleep in her mother’s arms once again.

Sleep felt surreal and happy. Until a familiar pain hit her in the stomach and she groaned. Her hands went to her stomach and she felt a paw there too. “Cleo I’m okay. I think it’s just,” she paused as another sharp pain came. She didn’t know why she was trying to get out of bed, scrambling she doubled over with pain.

“Rowan get back to bed! Where are you going? What’s wrong?” Her mother asked.

Her pregnancy was being sped up one last time. Her water breaking contractions coming far too fast to be normal. “Get Markus, Mama! Tell…tell the staff to call Vada. The baby is coming!”

#[rowan]#[Rowan self para]#[Rowan musing]

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morenocase69 · 6 months

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sinners-paradiseme · 4 years

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GRAVEYARDS ARE ONLY FOR THE DEAD || SELF PARA FOR JAYDEN & JOCELYN

TRIGGERS: NEGATIVE THINKING, SUICIDAL HINTS, SELF HARM MENTIONS, SURVIVOR'S GUILT

MENTIONS: RUBY, MARCUS, MICAH, XAVIER

Jocelyn knew that Jayden wouldn’t have left her daughter’s grave without flowers, especially during the holiday season, but she never thought that Jayden would be the one placing them herself. She clenched her jaw as Jocelyn as Jayden’s security guards dragged her from her hiding place. She wasn’t sure how she was gonna face on of the many people she lied to because she didn’t think she was gonna live. She never thought in a million years that Julian would purposely OD to safe her live just a few moments before she went into complete heart failure. Jocelyn had made her peace with death, but she knew Julian wouldn’t have let her go so easily. God, things would have been so much easier if she had fallen in love with Julian instead of Micah. She groaned as she landed next to the dirt by her daughter’s grave. “What happened to not hurting girls?” She asked as she sighed softly looking up at Jayden.

Jayden ran her fingers through her hair, there is nothing she hated more than people disrespecting her and her family. She was trying to pay respects to Jocelyn and her niece, when her bodyguards told her there had been someone lurking in the shadows and watching her. She had to teach said person that mourning wasn’t something to be interrupted. She never expected to see her. Jocelyn in all her flesh and glory. She clenched her jaw as emotions rattled through her body. She didn’t know which one to focus on first but like always anger was her go too, before she could react her hand stung and the resounding sound of flesh hitting flesh was heard. Her eyes widen as she realized her handprint was now a shining red against Jocelyn skin. “I should feel sorry for that asshole, but I fucken buried you.” Jayden said through a choked sob, as she gathered Jocelyn in her arms. She hugged her tightly.

Jocelyn was honestly shocked to feel the sting and hurt and stung in her cheek, she didn’t expect any less from Jayden though. The female had always been a hurricane lead by emotions, anger always leading the charge when she felt vulnerable. She took a deep breath, “Okay, so I see that only applies to the ones you didn’t bury?” She whispered softly in her ever present sarcastic tone. She ran her fingers through her hair, “What did you want me to do, Jayden? Comeback? Say oh sorry, I didn’t fucken die like I had worked everything around for? That I couldn’t do the one thing I was supposed to do.” Jocelyn’s own eye had gotten watery because just like her true self. She had run away from all her emotions and thoughts since the day she woke up after they told her she wouldn’t make it. She kept running and she hadn’t planned on stopping. “I left my son…” She whispered softly as she buried her face into Jayden’s hair as the other woman gripped her tightly.

Jayden couldn’t help but let the let out a dry chuckle at Jocelyn’s reply. She knew they were good from dealing with their feelings, that’s why they had gotten along so well when she was brought around. She was so much closer to Jocelyn’s age than she was to Aaden’s. They had become like sisters before she had gotten pregnant with Gabrielle. Before she suffered her first heartbreak at the hands of Aaden. “I swear, if I didn’t miss your ass as much as I have I would have given you another slap for that reply.” She honestly thought that after living with the Coldburn’s she would have gotten used to the snappy replies since they seemed to fly off Micah when he decided to speak but nothing was like Jocelyn’s personality. Even Aaden had been surprised at her decision to go towards Regina instead of Jocelyn. She clenched her jaw as she listened to her friend. She kissed her forehead, “Do you honestly think we would be upset if you are still here, dummy.” She whispered softly. She rubbed her friend’s back softly as she tried to get her to breathe and calm down. “He is okay, he is happy and safe. He is everything you wanted him to be.” Jayden told her softly as sat both on the piece of grass next to Jocelyn’s and Micakayla’s tombstones. “You aren’t coming back are you?” Jayden whispered softly as she looked out into the distance.

Jocelyn couldn’t help but let out a soft grin, she was happy that her two best friends had found happiness in each other at the end of things. She was happy that she had been there to witness it for a little while. She cleaned her tears as she sat with Jayden on the grass, she let out a shaky sigh. “Tell me that me being gone has made a difference? You can’t really can you?” She shrugged softly, “Other than you, marcus and my sisters, who can really miss me?” She ran her fingers through her hair as she thought about her pretty boy. He was the only perfect thing she ever made. She missed him so much, but she knew one day she would see him again. She hoped her son would understand her decision. “I hope Micah doesn’t lose him.” She joked softly knowing that even in his worse state Micah would look after his son. She licked her lips as she shrugged softly, “I don’t know, I’m not ready… I don’t know if I will ever be.” Jocelyn had to much survivor's guilt to deal with anything right now. She lot Julian and had been her own rock since she woke up across the world alone. Jocelyn got up and kissed Jayden’s forehead. “Te amo, Amada. If you ever want to find me, come alone. I’ll be where your heart lies.” She whispered softly before giving her friend a soft hand squeeze before squeezing her eyes softly as she walked away once again.

Jayden wanted to scream and make Jocelyn sit and listen to her, but she knew neither of them responded well to being cornered. Plus even if she did all that, there was a slight chance that she might push Jocelyn right over an edge they both loved to linger on. The reason why they were so quick to throw themselves in front of danger and not care what happened to them as long as the people they care about they were safe. “Well all four of us are a couple shit show, if that makes you feel any better. Jesus, Jos. I can’t even tell you how much I wish you were there, when Marcus lost it completely. I gave birth to another baby alone, just like I did with the girls. Who I almost lost.” She said with a soft whisper, knowing she couldn’t beg her friend to stay because that would be extremely hurtful to many not just Jocelyn. Jayden chuckled softly as she shook her head, “If I can trust Bentley with a part of my heart, I think it’s safe to say your baby boy is going to be just fine. I’ll make sure of it.” She took a deep breath as she nodded as she squeezed Jocelyn’s hand in return. “Te amo, Jos. Cuidate, Hermana.” She whispered softly, knowing she had to let her go. She cleaned her cheeks as she watched Jocelyn leave.

Jocelyn took a deep breath as she watched Jayden, she knew she was battling the same tornado of emotions that Jocelyn knew far too well. It was why their bound had always been so strong because of it. They knew what emotions ravaged their minds stronger than everything did at times. She clenched her jaw softly as she was told about Marcus, her golden retriever of best friend. Who had the darkest place to hide. She brushed her tears clean, “Amada, I wish I could have been there but… Even if I hadn’t gone through all the plans. I still a fucken mess from losing, Julian. I’m not good for anyone right now. I’m not even good for my son.” She smiled softly, “So I have another niece.” Jocelyn handed her phone over to Jayden. “I’ll text you when I get settled. Send me pictures when I do of them.” She smirked softly as she licked her lips, “Green eyes were always your weak spot love, I’m not surprised.” She said with a soft grin as she nodded taking in a deep breath. “Don’t ever let him forget I love him. Either of them.” She whispered softly and nodded before disappearing into a dark car.

#Jayden; Jocelyn (sister couldn't be as close as we)#self para; Jocelyn #self para; Jayden #oops

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summerhevans · 4 years

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Self-Para || Summer&Gabe

To say that the week had been exhausting was a severe understatement. Summer felt as though she was at her wits end, between Jayden, Gabriel, and her parents. Her fight with Jayden had caused her and Gabe to argue almost every night at the dinner table. This then caused the five year old to lock himself in his room until the next morning, barely speaking to her come breakfast time...

Despite Summer’s best efforts she could not mend things with her son. Not unless she wanted to bring Jayden back into their lives, peacefully. Oh, how she missed the days when Gabriel was too young to understand what was going on. Much like his mother, though, the boy was stubborn as all hell.

And so, Summer hardly slept and her appetite had been growing weak. The one thing she despised more than anything else, was being put on the outs with Gabe. She would give him the world on a silver platter, although unfortunately, that world would not consist of the one person her son wanted in his life. She couldn’t argue that Jayden didn’t want to be a good dad to their son, he fought harder than most time and time again. And yet, there she was, pushing him away every chance she got. It had been Gabriel’s own words that kept her awake every night. “Daddy loves me more than you do. He would never keep me away from you! I hate you!” He’d told her this right before slamming his door, dinner left untouched at the table. The girl then felt her heart break into a million little pieces and with a glass of straight whiskey, she lay on the couch with a tear soaked pillow until her eyes failed her.

She did know that Jayden would never keep her away from Gabe if the tables were turned, their son was right about that. She firmly believed that every child deserved two loving parents. Except that what she’d said to Jayden that night at the carnival was what she believed to be true. What kind of future could he offer Gabriel besides living in low-income housing and eating cheap dinners every night? Up until Vesta, she felt as though she was left with no choice but to raise Gabriel the way her parents decided was right for them. She had never regretted that choice in the past but the problem remained. She’d chosen Jayden’s city to raise their son in, his future would be here in Vesta and there was no turning back unless she wanted to give up her dream.

How to balance a studio undergoing heavy renovations, her sons resentment and the father of her child’s determination? All without spilling her secret to her own parents, whom could take Gabriel from her with a snap of their fingers. She would never admit aloud that she was afraid of her father, yet she knew that his money and power grew by the day. She was also reminded often that her parents were the ones that saved her five years ago when she found out she was pregnant. Helping her to carry the burden of an unexpected pregnancy and paying all of her medical bills. They were the ones who set her up with a glorious life in sunny California, where her dreams first began. How could she be expected to rebel against them now? They’d given her everything, they were the exact reason that her and Gabe would never have to suffer. And yet, they were also heavily responsible for the impossible decisions that she now faced.

And this is what her mind battled day and night. The consequences of her own actions tormented her while she remained in constant denial that she’d done anything wrong in the first place. Her time was beginning to run out, options limited, and even after a week of contemplation, she still had no idea where to go from here...

#self para #summer evans #para #tw:pregnancy #its v v long sorry got carried away loool

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gvsolinea · 4 years

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— RED PAINTED LIPS & A GLASS OF SCOTCH

A self-para between Ruby Mackell and Micah Coldburn.

mentioned: Quinn, Bentley, Jocelyn.

Green hues were scanning over the letters on her screen, words causing the corners of red-painted lips to curve upwards as a soft laugh managed to slip out. The previous text that her fingers had sent was meant more as a joke, asking for proof of life for their children. As always, the male took the joke, making sure to send back a picture of the two boys and their daughter. His follow up text message that sounded like a beg for her to come home was what caused the sound to escape from the back of her throat, the female sending back nothing more than a heart and a reminder that she loved him. After everything they had been through, she made sure no matter what the conversation was, it always ended with those three words.

❝I assume this means he hasn't managed to drown or lose one of them.❞ The other male's voice came from his spot on the floor, his back leaning against the front of the living room chair as half of his focus remained on the young boy playing with his blocks. Maybe he wasn't at the point where he was spelling out words or telling everyone in the room about their little adventures, but even the usually serious male found the boy to be entertaining.

Yet even with the slight distraction that was the boy and the male's comment, the woman still found the curve against her lips remaining as she turned her phone onto silent and set it down on the coffee table. It was such a clean surface, the only other items resting against it consisting of a glass of red wine, a small box she could only assume contained keys, and a framed photograph of the brunette and the son the couple shared. How the other woman managed to live with the male each day without losing her mind, she wasn't sure she would ever know. But on that same thought, she was sure the same could be said about her marriage or even Jayden's. Then again, even the raven-haired woman was sure the youngest Coldburn brother was most likely easier to deal with than the other two men. ❝He's not as terrible with them as he and everyone think he is.❞ Affectionate words towards her husband were given as she leaned forward to take her wine glass into a single hand. ❝I'm sure she would say the same about you.❞

Her comment came as he watched her tilt her glass towards the picture on the coffee table. It was likely they were words he would never believe and it was even more likely that both women knew it more than he did. ❝If you're going to attempt to convince me he isn't a moron, I wouldn't bother wasting your breath.❞ It wasn't the most pleasing comment for him to offer back, even with his entirely calm tone, a thought he had after all he got back from her was that familiar smirk. If he had taken the time to think it through, he would have realized they had been in this position before. The woman across from him dressed in yet another outfit that suited her more than most would expect, a glass of wine in her hand and a smirk against her lips, his head filled with millions of thoughts, half of his focus on something else, banter offering back and forth. How it had led to a night they never spoke of again, he had no idea but neither of them bothered to think about it after that. Little did they know she had been attempting to find a distraction after coming face-to-face with her father and he had been trying to calm himself down after an unexpected fight with his brother.

❝I've concluded that neither of you are ever going to get along and one day, Quinn and I are going to be dressed like wives that have murdered their husbands while attending a shared funeral between you two.❞ There was no doubt in her mind that it was a ridiculous thing to say, but she had gotten a scoff as a response from the male, something she had been looking to receive. Bentley was known for being ridiculous, filled with far too many jokes when the moment should have been serious, and he wasn't always the best during certain situations. But he always made her laugh when days felt dark, he was always there when she needed him and no one else, and it was always amusing how much others managed to underestimate him. It was safe to say that she didn't have the perfect husband but she also wouldn't have wanted to share her life with anyone else, even if that included all of his faults and the hills they had to climb to get to this point. ❝Speaking of, how is she doing?❞

Even he knew the two women didn't speak as much as they used to. Part of him wondered if it was due to the incident when the three were out together, knowing well no one but her knew just how much of her trauma the incident had brought up. Being shot was never good but having to face it in a different situation, trauma returning when you assumed you were well again, it was only reasonable to want to distance yourself from something that could bring horrible memories back. ❝Considering I'm sure she's the only one that managed to handle Marcus taking off well, she's better than expected.❞ Then again, considering the timing of it happening, he wasn't surprised her focus had been split between the young boy and making sure the older Coldburn's mind didn't completely fall apart with worry. It was reasonable if there just wasn't enough room in her focus to outwardly worry as much as others had been. But, truth be told, now that his brother was home, other thoughts had managed to drift back into his mind.

It was something that the woman had expected, the pair always having known each other far more than anyone could have expected. Ruby had always been known as someone that knew every detail about you even before you did, somehow always managing to gain details without any effort. It's what had her shifting in her spot on the couch, leg crossing over the other as green hues remained locked on the male. ❝And you? As ridiculous as it may sound, how you're doing matters too. And I'm not going to sit through you giving me some bullshit response of your fine or you shrugging like you usually do, I'm not that moronic and you know I don't let things go easily.❞ If there was one thing that was always expected when it came to their relationship, it was honesty and knowing that they wouldn't deal with the same responses they gave to other people in the world. The pair knew each other far better than that.

Eyes would have rolled if he had been the type to offer such a visual response. He had always had conflicting feelings when it came to their relationship. Partly glad there was someone else other than his brother that could partly understand the thoughts in his head, but he hated how easily she could twist a simple conversation into making sure he wasn't going to crumble. ❝I've suddenly decided you're not allowed to push for some kind of honest response until you own up to your issues. Not exactly fair to come knocking on my lack of communication when you've got your issues.❞ Words managed to end with a hand raising, finger gently tapping on his head in response before turning his focus back to the young boy that was now busy playing with a stuffed animal.

It was their challenge towards each other. One person has to give something up if they expect the other too. That realization that they had fallen into yet another conversation surrounding that challenge was what had her shifting to sit up a fraction more. ❝I've been seeing a therapist since the whole club incident and Bentley doesn't know yet.❞ A huff of a laugh managed to slip from her, practically mirroring the male's usual sound as she slid to lean forward, setting her elbows down to rest on her knees. ❝Post-traumatic stress disorder. According to him, I have apparently been forcefully avoiding coping with everything over the years and we've concluded that what happened while I was pregnant may have triggered it more than expected.❞ Nightmares had plagued her from years regarding her childhood and after the shooting those years ago, nightmares managed to morphe enough to involve all of it together. Having nightmares of men only for it to shift to being shot all over again, it was far worse than nightmares consisting of memories. The thought had another huff of a laugh escaping her as she twisted her glass slowly, watching as the red liquid danced in the glass. ❝I don't need to worry him more than he already does. Besides, I don't feel like starting a whole thing all over again, I don't think I can refrain from murdering that woman again.❞ It was an overdramatic thought that had her eyes rolling, memories of their break up while she was pregnant that had continued after the boys were born, they were memories that managed to slip out in the most unexpected moments. After all, she very rarely let things go when it involved her feeling hurt and betrayed, it was likely those memories were always going to haunt her. ❝It's your turn, what's going on in that giant head of yours? Is Jocelyn finally setting in?❞

The questions felt like they were meant to poke some kind of sleeping bear. He hadn't spoken about her after that phone call, still having no idea how to fully process the fact that she was completely gone off the planet. It wasn't like the pair had spoken in the years since she took off but after Xavier and the conversations they had held, it was hard to register the fact that the young boy would never know her. It's those thoughts that had his focus turning to the boy all over again, watching now that he had moved into shoving his stuffed animals into a pair of Quinn's shoes and using them as race cars. ❝I think she's worried.❞ A different kind of worried but he knew that wasn't a detail he needed to give out, the woman understood the difference. ❝I don't know if she's worried about not being enough for him or if it's that she doesn't think he'll love her as much or if it's something entirely different, but it's something.❞ That's when his familiar shrug was offered as his attention turned to his glass sat beside him, scotch sitting at the bottom, the male making sure it was far away enough that it didn't catch the boy's attention.

❝I can understand that, having worries surrounding it. She might be raising him and might be the only mother he knows but, that doesn't mean she won't have worries around it. There's probably always going to be some amount of questioning in the back of her head because they're not blood, there isn't that immediate familial connection, and when you're older, you have this sense and feeling that something is different and I wouldn't be surprised if he feels that once he's old enough to understand it.❞ It was her turn to offer a slight shrug to her shoulders as she shifted in her spot once again, body leaning forward so she could pull off her heels. ❝Quinn is a brilliant, compassionate, talented, and strong woman. But even I know she's a wonderful mother, I don't need to be around every single day to know that she is, she just gives that energy off. It's like Jayden, you might not see her acting like a complete puddle of love, but you can feel how much she loves all of her children and just how much she would do for them. It's this radiating feeling you give off and she does, besides, I know her enough to have no doubts around that.❞ Her head tilted at that moment as a small laugh managed to fall from her. ❝She might not have given birth to that boy but I can honestly say, I'm pretty sure she's taken to motherhood far better than Jayden and I ever did and that's saying quite a lot when it comes to that woman. I have no doubt that he'll love her just as much, if not more, than he would have loved Jocelyn, simply due to how Quinn is. But it's not reasonable to say she shouldn't have worries, everyone has worries around things and given everything that's happened, I would take it as a win that she's worried about that and not about being shot walking out the front door.❞

She was right in more ways than he could explain and he knew that, never doubted it when it came to how the woman's mind worked. Truth be told, he wasn't worried about it in the slightest. Maybe he wasn't the most emotional and he didn't always know how to show that he cared, but even he could see how much the small boy loved his mother. He was just waiting for the day he was old enough for the pair to openly act ridiculously. Sure they would team up and fall into every holiday, already prepared for the day he stepped out of the bedroom and the entire house looked like Christmas had exploded inside of it. As disgusting as that thought would have been years ago, now he found himself watching the young boy as a slight curve twitched against his lips, only to quickly disappear.

❝You love her and him, it's why it's bothering you, I understand that. It's a good thing you're bothered by her being worried or upset over something, which means the mysterious Micah Coldburn has a heart. I'll be sure to inform the media, I'm sure everyone would love to hear of this miracle.❞ Every bit of it was teasing and joking, something they both knew and understood. It was her only way of being able to get a few meaningful words out, by surrounding them with nonsense so he wouldn't shove them away as soon as possible. Yet even if she knew the nonsense was for a real reason, she couldn't help how she continued as she set her glass down on the table. ❝Gosh, it's almost like you care about who you're married to. Gasp, an actual marriage, not a complete sham-deal.❞ She couldn't help how it continued, knowing well she could easily surprisingly relax around the male. ❝The fact that 'you love your wife' sounds unusual and weird, is quite ridiculous, don't you think?❞

It was at that point when a signature glare managed to cross his features as he watched the woman fall from completely serious and land in a pit of being absurd. The sight took a moment to finally fade and it only came when he felt the slight tug of a tiny hand on his shirt. At this point, it had become automatic for his arms to drop, allowing and helping the boy to crawl onto his lap. Immediately, he curled up and the male had no doubt he would most likely fall asleep right in that spot and the pair would be stuck there until he woke up, because even the oldest Coldburn wasn't heartless enough to try and move. ❝Don't you have two demons to return to?❞

They both knew he was reflecting, pushing away because of how right she was, which is what had her leaning back into her spot all over again. There was no doubt in her mind the feelings he had for the woman and considering how well she knew him, it gave her one conclusion. Quinn was more powerful than any woman on Earth. ❝Have you bothered attempting to contact your mother? I didn't realize I gave you her number and address for no reason.❞ It wasn't abnormal for their conversation to twist back into something more serious, one of the main reasons the pair had met up at his home.

❝I didn't see the point in it. Marcus seems fine now and I doubt she'll end up contacting him again. If she does and he ends up going on another spree, she can go find him.❞ Months were spent filled with worries and murder, he wasn't ready to go through all of that again so soon. ❝I'll talk to Marcus about it sometime this week, see what he wants to do about it, if he wants to do anything at all.❞

It sounded reasonable to her, which is what had her shoulders lifting in yet another shrug. She could understand it considering how difficult it was to find the male and even now, she was unsure just where the other male's mental state was at. At this point, she was sure no one was ready or prepared to ask him how he was doing. It took a lot to get him to go on some spree without any thinking, she didn't want to know how close he was to breaking all over again. ❝You're a good brother, Micah. Even if you're also the biggest pain in the ass on the entire planet.❞ If there was one thing most people knew about him, it was that he could be completely heartless, but he was always completely loyal to his brother and those he considered to be family. At this point, she had no doubt he'd go to hell and back for his brother, Xavier, and Quinn. She even had half a mind to throw Jayden into the mix, even if she knew their relationship could be quite rocky sometimes.

#❛ &. interaction. ┊ ruby frost.#❛ &. interaction. ┊ micah coldburn.

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