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crue-sixx · 5 years

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Drowning

Title: Drowning

Fandom: The Dirt

Summary: The reader is the adoptive daughter of Nikki Sixx, and after a solo outing with his mother, she starts to have feelings that she doesn't belong.

Warnings: Swearing, Nikki's mom being a cunt, suicide attempt. If any of these are a sensitive subject, please don't read.

You were twelve when Nikki Sixx adopted you from an English orphanage. You knew your birth parents were dead-your father having died in a car accident in Redondo Beach before you were born and your mother died having given birth to you. Neither biological family wanted you, so you became a ward of the state. You had potential adoptive parents, but after the head of the orphanage told them about your parents, they were automatically turned off and adopted another kid instead. For twelve long years, you were passed by when a rather scary looking man came and asked for you specifically.

He was with three other men, one of which was a blonde who turned away at the very sight of you. The other three stared in awe as they took you in,, the tallest saying "She looks just like Razzle!" he was excited and continued "Just look at those dimples! "

You were confused more than anything, the head asking Nikki if he was sure he wanted to adopt you, as if he were merely looking for a new puppy to bring home to the kids. "Yes, I'm sure. I already did all the fucking paperwork and submitted it months ago!"

You were unused to cussing, the prim and proper orphanage having stressed the importance of being ladies and gentlemen. You took things in stride and you were told to gather your belongings, that you were moving to L.A. with your new family. You were so excited that you were going to a family. Of course they'd have to foster you for a while before the adoption would be official to see if they were a good fit for you, but Nikki seemed to be so excited about the whole thing. Of course he'd consulted his wife and other kids first and they all agreed to have you.

The first few weeks were a wonderland to you, playmates that wouldn't try to take your things and adults that didn't yell at your for the slightest misgivings. You had your own room and school was an absolute dream. You life had become just that-a beautiful dream.

It was on a Sunday that dream came to an end when Nikki's mother Deanna wanted to take you out for ice cream, and only you. Nikki was reluctant at first, but your enthusiasm was what convinced him to let you go. She started out sweet as pie, but when you sat down after getting your treat she turned into a viper. "You know he's not your real dad right?"

"I'm 12" you answered sarcastically "I've lived in an English orphanage. I know my biological parents are dead" you couldn't understand why she felt so threatened by you.

"I mean" she she said "That you're talking up Nikki and his wife's time from his real kids. You should just go away" she offered. You couldn't defend yourself after that, even though most of the time Nikki and his wife had spent with you were with your foster siblings, you'd thought of them as your brothers and sisters all the same.

She looked you square in the eye, her taking your chin gently in between her pointer finger and thumb "I know all about you. Your father dying because my son's lush singer crashed his car and you killing the very woman who gave you life... they died so they wouldn't have to be around you..." her tone then assumed a deathly low vibration "It's a sin for you to want to live...just get it over with so they can go back to their normal lives. They'd be so much better without you in it..."

You weren't hungry anymore, you just letting your ice cream melt. You didn't know if you should cry or not, tell Nikki all the vile things his mother said to you, but you thought that would unnecessarily burden the family. But Deanna's words stuck with you, effecting your schoolwork and relationships. Nikki noticed something and asked "Hey, you okay kiddo? You seem down lately..."

"I'm fine, Nikki" you said, trying to hide the pain in your voice. He had never pressured you to call him or his wife Mom or Dad, he encouraged you to find out more about your biological father Razzle Dingley and your mother.

"That doesn't sound too convincing, Y/N" he put an arm around you "If something's wrong you gotta tell me so I can help you. It's okay to feel sad."

"I said I'm fine" you replied, this time with a little more annoyed tone. He reluctantly backed off, and the next few weeks Deanna would take all the kids, including you on outings but wouldn't acknowledge you in any way. She explained to the Nikki's other kids that you were being punished and not to even look at you much less talk to you.

The kids, not knowing better did as they were told even when she wasn't around. This sent you even lower than you imagined you could ever get-this was worse than the orphanage. At least there you were noticed. You started thinking that Deanna was right. So after the last outing, you made up your mind-you raided the medicine and liquor cabinets and found a big bottle of Tylenol and vodka.

You stared at the pills in your hand, about half the bottle contemplating what would happen. You just said "Fuck it" to yourself and popped the handful and chased it with a swig of vodka. Soon, you felt sleepy and dozed off into a sleep you hoped to never wake up from.

The next day was a school day, and all the kids were ready except Y/N. When Nikki noticed you weren't with the rest of them, he asked "Where's Y.N?"

His son answered "She's still sleepin'. We tried to wake her up but she's snoozin' away and smells funny" Nikki sighed and told his kids to stay there while he got you up.

"Y/N, time for school!" he announced in a cheery voice, but the smell of vodka hit him. He recoiled, your room smelling like a distillery. It was then he noticed the half empty pill bottle on the floor next to your bed. It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize what was going on. "Shit!" he shook you and slapped your face to rouse you.

You answered a slurry "Wut?"

"How many of these did you take?" he was trying to remain calm, but his voice was shaking as well as his whole body.

"Half bottle..." you answered before trying to go back to sleep. Nikki was on the phone with paramedics at this point. He was advised to keep you awake and if possible induce vomiting. His wife was worried sick with the rest of the kids, who were now all crying at the sudden loud noises. He went with you to the hospital in the ambulance and stayed right next to you.

When they pumped your stomach (they had to insert a tube down your throat because you had lost consciousness and couldn't vomit normally) and you had remained stable, you felt Nikki's hand clench yours "Why Y/N" your eyes fluttered open and saw he was crying. "Why'd you try to kill yourself?"

"Your mother said that it'd be better if I wasn't here..." you came clean, tired of feeling sad simply for existing.

His face changed from sorrow to rage "When?" he quietly demanded.

"The first time she asked you to let me go with her alone. She said my biological parents died because they didn't want to be around me..."

Nikki bit his lip so hard a trickle of blood dripped from the corner of his mouth. "You listen to me, Y/N...that woman is a bitter old bitch who isn't happy unless others are miserable. Your parents loved you. Razzle and Hilda wouldn't shut the fuck up about being parents. They wanted you, to see you grow and become a whole person..."

You too were now sobbing at this revelation, he held you tight to him, telling him how Deanna told the other kids to ignore you and how you were always left in the car when she took you and the kids out. He had called Tommy earlier so he could come sit with you while Nikki saw to his other kids and to update them on your condition. He had knocked on the door and Nikki gave him a quick rundown and stated he needed to make a phone call.

"Hey Y/N!" he tried to sound in a good mood, but you weren't biting.

Instead you asked "What was my dad like?"

The question caught him off guard and he said "He liked to party and was super cool. Your mom was more reserved and quiet, but they complimented each other perfectly. She was from a well to do family, but they didn't like Razzle one bit. They even disowned her once they found out she was pregnant. But they didn't care, all they had were each other and that's all they needed" he thought of his next words carefully. "When the accident with Vince happened, Hilda was inconsolable. She went overseas to have you and we were all told that you had died with her. About a year before Nikki adopted you, we found you were alive in England" he held your hand.

"You...actually looked for me? Why?"

"Guilt, maybe" he looked at you "We don't know...Vince still can't look at you without thinking about Razzle...it's nothing you did..."

You looked up at him and asked "Can you teach me to play drums? Like my father?"

"We have different styles of playing but I bet I can get his old band to let you beat his drum set!" he smiled for real at the prospect "I'll teach you the basics and you can make your own style!"

You agreed to his terms and shook on it. In a few hours, your brothers and sisters piled in and snuggled up to you on the bed, apologizing for ignoring you and pleading with you not to hurt yourself again. You promised and returned their snuggles, Nikki's wife patting your hair affectionately.

Nikki came in finally and said "It's time to go home, everyone" you had been discharged on the condition that you had to see a therapist twice a week. Soon you were able to take it down to once a week and then you didn't have to go at all. Deanna had come calling again, but Nikki shut her down.

"You will never see my children again" he growled "You will never talk to me, my wife, or my kids ever" he slammed the door in her face and called the cops to have her forcefully removed. You hid behind the corner out of sight when you saw her face in the window, after he had dispatched his mother he hugged you tightly "You never have to see her again, you hear?"

"Yes, Daddy" you looked up at him. He had earned that title the day he showed you he actually cared. He looked down at you and smiled through his tears. You still kept your last name as Dingley, but you considered Nikki Sixx your father, his wife your mother and their children as their siblings, never questioning their love for you ever again.

#motley crue #mötley crüe #the dirt #nikki sixx #tommy lee #vince neil #mick mars #motley crue imagine #mötley crüe imagine #nikki sixx imagine #motley crue fanfiction #mötley crüe fanfiction #nikki sixx fanfiction #not mine #submitted #submission

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awkward-radar-tech · 6 years

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This Too Shall Pass: Part 3

Summary: A few months after Mitaka’s wedding you find yourself almost constantly worrying about Hux’s well being. After bringing it up to Kylo, he tells you to reach out to him and do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Multiple reunions happen and a new chapter begins for all.

A/N: After over a month of either not having the time to write or not being able to process words correctly, the final part is here! I hope you enjoy. As with the rest of this story, there are mentions of depression and the struggles that come with it.

Part 1 -- Part 2

Three Months After Mitaka’s Wedding

Ever since you saw Hux’s condition, your mind would constantly drift off to him. You were worried. Was he seeking help, was he looking for a new job, did he still live in the same house? You finally broke one night laying in bed with Kylo.

You sat up and looked at him, “Ky, I'm worried about Armie. I think I'm going to try calling him tomorrow. I just want to make sure he is okay and won't hurt himself.”

“Darling, if that is what you feel like you need to do, do it. He was a big part of your adult life, it is okay to be worried about him. I wouldn't be opposed to you getting coffee or having lunch with him, if that is what you need to do. And I'm honestly a bit concerned about him too, so let me know what he says.”

“Thank you for understanding babe. Good night.” You kissed him then laid back down.

The next morning after you got back to Phasma’s and fed Millie, you called Hux, hoping he wouldn't be busy and that he would actually answer.

The vibrating phone brought Hux out of his daze of staring at his coffee in its mug. He looked over and saw your contact picture, still the picture of you and Millie when he gave her to you, and contemplated on whether to answer it or not. He needed more human contact than just delivery drivers, retail workers, and his therapist, so he answered.

His voice cracked from lack of use, “Hello, (y/n). Is something wrong with Millie?” That had to be the only reason you would call, she was the closest you could get to having a child.

“No, Hux, she is perfectly fine. I'm calling about you. I'm worried about you. You looked like you were having a tough time at Mitaka’s wedding, and he told me what happened. I was just so focused on showing you I had moved on and I also wasn't emotionally ready to talk with you, so I didn't. I'm sorry.”

“You are worried about me? After all I put you through?”

“Yes, Armie, I was with you the majority my adult life so far. You will always have a spot in my heart, even if somebody else is placed under the titles you used to hold. I don't want to see you hurt yourself, like I almost did years ago.”

“My absence made you drop so low you wanted to hurt yourself?”

“Yes, but I never did, and I hid those feelings from everybody. But Phasma told me recently that she noticed and had a key made for herself. Please tell me you aren't that bad.”

“No, I'm not. The company is paying for a therapist for me. And she has been helping me a lot. I apparently have a lot of traumas to work through, mostly from childhood. I am almost well enough to start looking for jobs. I don't really need one, but I'm bored without having something to do every day.”

“Oh, that is good. What are you thinking about applying for?”

“I don't know. I want to do something different. There is a cat cafe that has opened up in downtown recently and that seems interesting. I've been practicing making latte art at home.”

“So you aren't going back into business?”

“No, I don't think anybody will want me after every thing, too much of a risk, ya know?”

“Oh, yeah. But the cat cafe sounds fun.”

“Yeah. Hey, I've never actually been there, would you care to meet me there some time? I understand if you don't, but I don't leave the house much anymore, and I'm kind of tired of being alone.”

“Sure. How about tomorrow around 11?”

“That sounds good. See you tomorrow (y/n).”

“See you tomorrow, Hux.”

You hung up and then text Ben about Hux and that you were going to meet up with him tomorrow. You were going to be meeting him for lunch today, but you had no idea if Phas or Mit would be coming along, and didn't want to bring it up to them yet. While the four of you didn't go out to lunch every day anymore, you still tried to go once or twice a week, and you had lunch with Ky almost every day.

It ended up just being you and Kylo at lunch so you spoke a bit more about Hux. He triple checked that you truly were okay seeing Hux again, he didn't want to see you spiraling back down the path you just fought so hard to get through. In turn, you made sure he was fine with you meeting up with Hux, which he reassured you that he was okay with it and also wanted to make sure his former boss and professional rivalry was okay.

That evening at dinner the same conversation transpired again due to your deep care and respect for each other.

As Ben was walking you to your car he spoke to calm the rising nervousness he felt from you, “Have a good time tomorrow. And don't adopt any cats, you'll make Millicent jealous.”

You laughed, “I think Phas and Millie would team up to kill me if I got another cat. I am just going to enjoy the cats there, maybe I'll get Hux to adopt one, he is living in a giant house with no other living beings.”

“Alright. Good night (y/n). I love you. Have a good time tomorrow.”

“Good night Ky. I love you, too. I'll text you about it when I leave.”

After a final kiss goodbye, you got in your car and drove off, back to Phasma’s. Technically it was your home, too, but you couldn't bring yourself to call it that. In your mind, you didn't have a home, only a place to stay. Despite Phasma’s multiple attempts to get you to personalize your room, you never did. Being at Kylo’s felt like home, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move in with him. He put the offer on the table a few weeks ago, understanding that you weren't ready yet but he wanted you to know you could. He has grown closer to Millicent, the two getting along perfectly now. You wondered if Millie missed Hux, she wasn't around him much, but she always laid with him when he was home. Why had Hux immediately thought something was wrong with Millicent when you called, did he really believe the only reason you would call him was to say that Millie was sick. He didn't have any evidence to prove himself wrong until you called, so you couldn't blame him. Oh, you hoped that he wasn't too bad, it would hurt too much to see him in bad shape like at the wedding.

Thankfully, he looked nothing close to the way he did at the wedding. His hair was styled in his usual manner and he was wearing a pink polo, which you had gotten for him when you went on a vacation, with some jeans. He already had a cup in his hand, with a second cup across from him and some pastries on a plate set in the center of the table.

You smiled and nodded to him when you approached, “Good to see you this morning, Hux.”

He smiled in return, “Good to see you, too, (y/n). I hope you don't mind, I ordered you your go-to drink and some pastries for us to share.”

“Thank you Hux, that is so thoughtful.”

He set down his cup, “Now before we get into anything else, I just wanted to apologize, for everything. I know that there is no going back to what we had, but I want you to know that I am deeply sorry for what I put you through. I should have called you that one night, told you I was missing you dearly, not get in bed with somebody else. I should have kept it to being that one night. I should have listened to my instincts that you were hurting more than you were letting on and fought to not travel as much, or to let you travel with me again. But that all has passed and there is no way to reverse it, and I know we will never be. And while I will never know how bad you felt in that time, going through depression myself has given me an idea. I'm so sorry I put you through so much pain (y/n). I sincerely apologize.”

“While I can't forgive you Armitage, I can accept your apology. What I went through in the last year of our marriage truly hurt me worse than anything I could have imagined. There were days I wasn't sure if I wanted to wake up, days I barely left bed, I only showered regularly because of seeing everybody often. I didn't say anything because I wanted you to be the best CEO you could be, and if you found out I was sick you wouldn't have done everything to be that. And while I wish none of that happened, now I'm happy with Kylo. But, I don't want you gone out of my life for good. If you are alright with it, I would like to try to be friends. You can hang out with Kylo and I, and slowly we can bring in everybody else. I'm just not sure how they all will react to the news. But hopefully they will be supportive. And once I tell Phasma, I can see if she is okay with you coming over to see Millicent. It is just that you were such a large part of my life, and I still care about your well-being no matter what others believe I should feel, I just can't ignore you forever in good conscience, especially seeing you in the state you were at Mit’s wedding.”

A cat had jumped on Hux’s lap while you were talking and he was absent-mindedly petting it, “This little guy is so sweet. And I completely understand (y/n). I think I would like to try being friends, too. I only see and talk to my therapist and employees of the shops and restaurants visit or order from. I got a fish, but he doesn't do much since he is a fish. Also, one question, Mit?”

“After the final divorce hearing, the gang threw a party to help raise my spirits, and Mitaka got drunk and told me he saw me as the big sister he never had. I told him I saw him as a little brother, and ever since we have become ‘siblings’ and I call him Mit and Mitty for short, since he is like you and hates his first name.”

“Oh, that is interesting. But I see it. How has life been treating you since the divorce, if you don't mind me asking.”

“It has been interesting. I'm still living at Phasma’s, as I said earlier. Kylo and I tried adding a romantic aspect to our relationship about a year after the final hearing, slowly building a relationship at my pace. Therapy has really helped me, I have gone from going twice a week at the beginning to now going only twice a month. And Millicent is still the same antisocial love bug she always has been. I have days where the hurt is prominent in my mind, but those are getting less and less frequent, being replaced these past few months with hoping you were okay and that you wouldn't hurt yourself.”

“Wow. I was bad for a bit, but I'm getting better. The most harm I've done to myself was drinking and smoking more when I got really bad, but I've lightened up both of those habits. I'm happy for you and Kylo, I hope he treats you right forever, unlike I did... Hey, this little guy has been with me for awhile, I wonder what his name is.”

Hux called over one of the employees asking for more information on the grey tabby that took over his lap.

The man returned and handed Hux a piece of paper, “This is Ash, he is almost one. He is very playful and talkative, but this is the first time I have ever seen him sit on somebody's lap for this long and by his own choice. Most of the time somebody will set him on their lap and he will stay for a moment before running off. I think he really likes you.”

Hux looked at Ash’s profile, “Oh wow. He is a great cat, and looks like he is going to get big. Thank you for the information, Charles.”

“My pleasure. If you need anything else just let me know.”

Hux had a contemplative look on his face, so now you were curious, “What are you thinking about?”

“I think Ash is meant to be my cat.”

“Are you sure you are able to take care of a cat? I know depression can take a lot out of you, and I want to make sure you can properly care for him.”

“I think I am. If I feel well enough to begin searching for a job, then I think I'm well enough to take this little guy home. I still have one of Millicent’s old litter boxes at home, some toys, and food dishes. I just need some food, a bed, and a cat.” He picked Ash up and spoke to him, “Do you want to come home with me and sleep on my lap every day?” The cat let out a small meow, “Oh, I think that is a yes! Alright Ash, I'm gonna be your new dada. My name is Armitage. I hope you will like your new home.”

You had waved Charles back over while Hux was speaking to Ash, and he spoke up once Hux finished, “So, I'm assuming you would like me to get the adoption paperwork together.”

Hux looked to Charles, “That would be wonderful Charles, thank you.”

Once he returned, Hux sped through the paperwork, his expertise in filling out forms at work showing. When Hux signed the final line, Charles took back the paperwork to enter the information into the system. He then returned with a cardboard carrier once the process was completed.

Handing the box to Hux, “Here is this, since I'm assuming you don't have a carrier with you. All the info has been entered, so you are free to leave with Ash whenever you please. Thank you for visiting and giving a cat a new home.”

“It is my pleasure. Thank you for all your help, Charles.”

Charles smiled and nodded in response before turning to return to his duties. The two of you finished up the pastries and your drinks, all while Ash slept on his new dad’s lap. You talked about other mundane things, and once finished with the food, drinks, and conversation you helped Hux place Ash into the cardboard carrier. Once outside of the cafe, you said your goodbyes.

You gave Hux a quick squeeze, “Goodbye Hux. It was nice meeting up with you. Take care of yourself and Ash and I'll talk with you soon.”

He squeezed you in return, “Goodbye (y/n), thank you for coming. I will, and talk to you soon.”

With that you parted ways, and you felt so much better knowing Hux was doing all right, and now has a cat to keep him company. When you got in your car you called Kylo to tell him the news. He was relieved that Hux was going to therapy and was doing all right, and said that maybe the three of you should go to dinner sometime soon.

A few hours later your phone buzzed, and when you looked, you saw Hux had sent you pictures of Ash. In the pictures Ash was sleeping, playing with a ball, eating, staring at Hux’s fish, and sitting in the sink respectively. In turn you sent him some photos of Millie.

You told him what Ben suggested, and he said he was free whenever, just tell him when and where.

When you went over to Ben’s for dinner that night you decided on where to go and when, and you text Hux after Ben got off the phone with the restaurant to make a reservation for that Saturday night. Hux responded that he put it on his calendar and would see you there.

The rest of the week flew by and before you knew it Kylo was opening the door to the restaurant and you spotted the familiar red hair seated on a bench waiting for you. Kylo went and checked in with the hostess while you greeted Hux, and soon joined you to say the table would be ready in a moment. The two men shook hands and greeted one another, and then the hostess informed you that the table was ready. Out of habit, both men reached to pull out your chair, Hux realized what he was doing mid-movement and then he immediately apologized and sat down. Kylo reassured him that it was okay, he understood it was force of habit and that he has pulled out the chair for coworkers at meetings and lunch before catching what he had done. That seemed to make Hux feel better.

“I'm so thankful that the two of you don't hate my guts and want me dead but actually want to build a friendship. There is no reason as to why you should want anything to do with me after all I did, but thank you for this opportunity.”

“Hux, you were a large part of (y/n)’s adult life, most of it positive, and we had a pretty good working relationship, even as rivals, in that same time frame. Yeah, you royally screwed up, but even that couldn't negate the fact that seeing you at Mitaka’s wedding made us both worry about your well-being. And I know both Mitaka and Phasma are worried too although neither will flat out admit it to me or (y/n).”

“Those facts still don't help my feelings of unworthiness. But I'll be forever grateful. Thank you both.”

The rest of the night went by pleasantly, exchanging stories from your childhood and college shenanigans and talking about other things the three of you could do. Kylo gave Hux a few recommendations of places to look into for work, and after the bill was settled you went your separate ways with tentative plans for a trip to the museum in two weeks.

Three Months Later

Becoming friends with Hux was a great help to the mental health of each of you. You have had plenty more outings both with and without Kylo, and Hux finally bit the bullet and applied at the cat cafe, getting the job. Last week you accidentally let slip to Phasma that you were friends with Hux now, and while at first she was surprised and a bit upset, she settled down admitting she too was worried about him, and wanted to see him again. You later told Mit, and he admitted the same, so you sorted out a time for all of you to meet up. It was decided to hold a get-together at Phasma’s so then Hux could also see Millicent again.

This time Hux actually showed up to the party at Phasma’s, and everybody was happy to see him happy and well. Once Millie heard his voice she came running from wherever she was to see him.

Hux knelt down to pet her, “Have you missed me Millie? I think you have. I'm sorry you had to go so long without seeing me. I hope you can forgive me. I'll make sure that that much time won't pass before I visit you again.”

He stayed there petting her until she had her fill and returned to the direction she came from.

The night was wonderful, plenty of laughs and fun stories and drinks, and you felt like this is the way it should be. Mitaka got drunk again, and this time he told you that he and James were planning on starting the adoption process in a few months, and that you would be their godmother if you accepted, but that you would definitely be, no matter what, their amazing aunt. That brought back to mind the last time Mitaka was drunk and in Phasma’s kitchen confessing things, after the final divorce hearing. It brought you down for a moment, but looking at how you felt now and how you felt then you realized you were right, the feelings of sadness would pass. And along with the passage of those feelings, your hatred of Hux passed and now he is back being a part of your big, mixed family.

This, too, shall pass, but for now it was time to live in the moment and enjoy what and who you have around you. This was just the beginning of a better, happier chapter in life.

#armitage hux x you #armitage hux/ reader #armitage hux/ you #armitage hux x reader #kylo ren/ reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren/ you #kylo ren x reader #a-r-t creation #depression

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