#simply for being trans. ik most queer ppl end up doing it all in college its just frustrating yk. cos all my cis friends get to do it

[vamptastic]

it's just like. okay. when i say i like men in a gay way and women in a lesbian way i don't mean that i think straight attraction is icky or my attraction is somehow more enlightened and progressive. i mean that I've spent the formative years of my sexuality in a place with my gender presentation where people are equally as likely to see me as a man or a woman and often seem to think of me as both, and i cannot separate both my attraction to men or to women from that. ive always felt drawn to butchness because its this concept that your love for the same gender shapes your gender presentation and vice versa, but it's specific to womanhood and attraction to women as a woman in a way i can't entirely relate to. like, in many ways i am both a man and a woman, and i am attracted to both men and woman in a way both shaped by and reflected by that fact.

#there's not really a clear label for that is there #i suppose i don't need one it's just to have that cos you can find similar people #i suppose bisexual as a gender is the closest i can get #like both sexes and also attracted to both sexes and those two things each are linked to and affected by the other #i don't know. i expect my feelings on this will change as i transition and people start to really see me as a man #and not the in-between ive been in since puberty (thank you pcos combined with massive badonkahonkawonkadonks) #it's just sort of frustrating to feel like nobody gets it #like lesbians are into me cos they think im butch #a specific type of man-autistic nerds (affectionate)-seem to just see me as a regular ol woman #and when confronted with the reality that i am not seem to not really care either way about my gender #other trans people are into me and they do generally get it but not always #and gay guys are into me sometimes but i don't really pass consistently enough for it to happen often #like im not actively seeking a partner n i don't both passing day to day cos everyone knows im trans already #n binding is a living hell when you're fat with a fucking. idk the size like E or F probably. cup size. #so mostly ppl approach me thinking im butch but occasionally ppl think im a guy in photos i post and such or #strangers will ask my friends abt me thinking im a guy #but like generally speaking no matter what i don't get to just be A Man. and i don't know if i really want to be! i like being trans #and it sucks because ive missed out entirely on dating in middle/high school like when you find out who you like #simply for being trans. ik most queer ppl end up doing it all in college its just frustrating yk. cos all my cis friends get to do it #realistically speaking im p much just t4t i really only have actually tried to date trans people + trans people are hotter + they get it #which im fine with. i love trans people . just sucks to be excluded sometimes even when u don't want in