#so apparently i accidentally deleted this so here hshdhdhdjdhhd

[neocityarchive]

ends | mark lee au (pt 1)

summary | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: none

Chapter Summary: You didn’t have to be reminded that you lost the best thing to ever happen to you, but when a great opportunity came your way, you thought maybe a little risk won’t hurt. 

A/N: i woke up and suddenly this wasnt on my blog lmao im so frustrated. i mightve accidentally deleted it but here it is again.

You looked at your phone to check the time. You have 15 minutes to get to the SM building. Why you’re going back there, you have absolutely no idea.

One of your sunbaes called and asked you to come in, saying they needed the interns’ input on the graphics of the new advertisement material for the recent SM Rookies project. You could have easily said no, but you also are very much aware that SM doesn’t usually do this. It would be crazy to pass an opportunity this big. But that’s not what you’re really worried about.

You stared at your screen until it went black, then pressed on the lock button, illuminating it again. Only a minute has passed since you last checked. You still weren’t used to your generic lockscreen. It’s been a month since you changed it, but it still feels weird not seeing Mark’s cheeky grin everytime your phone lights up.

Stop it, you told yourself.

You don’t know if it’s just in your head or if it’s the fact that you’re anxious and overthinking about the possibility of seeing him again, but the bus seems to be going faster today when you didn’t need it to.

You have no idea if the boys are going to be in the building. You stopped keeping track of the whole group since the break up. You couldn’t bring yourself to watch any of their videos since your ex seems to be in every single one of them.

In an attempt to get distracted, you put your earphones on and your playlist on shuffle, shifting your attention to the busy city life happening outside the bus’ window.

As if the universe didn’t want you happy, the songs coming up the playlist just made everything worse. Yang Da Il’s Sorry started playing and suddenly, you were thrown back to a memory you’ve been trying so hard to suppress lately.

You just got back from a trip to China, two days earlier than what you told everyone. These days, Mark has been really stressed trying to balance his time and energy between the three units. You could tell he was tired despite his efforts not to show it to anyone. You haven’t had a decent conversation in a while. He was always drained, so every phone call would just end up in an argument. If not, he’d be sleeping, or he would say bye even before you could tell him about your day.

It was hectic, so you thought you could pay him a surprise visit to lift some of the stress off his shoulders. After all, it used to work. Used to.

You were already on your way to the conference room where the dreamies were having a meeting but you stopped in your tracks a few feet away from the door.

It was quiet. There wasn’t the usual rowdy noise you could hear even from the elevator, which is very weird considering it’s the dreamies. That’s how you knew they were talking about something serious. A chill went down your spine, finding the whole thing unsettling.

“You should tell her the truth,” you heard Donghyuck’s voice from the hallway.

“I know, though,” Mark replied abruptly.

Your face contorted. You missed the sound of his voice, so much that your chest ached. But that wasn’t what you wanted to hear more about. Tell the truth to who? What truth? Who’s her?

“Just don’t make her wait,” Hyuck said. “She’ll only get hurt.”

Mark sighed. He sounded exhausted, like they’ve been on this topic for quite a while and the flow of the conversation wasn’t going his way.

No one spoke. It was very unusual since they usually just talk over each other, but this time, even a singe drop of water would sound deafening. You found yourself holding your breath.

It didn’t seem like they were talking about work. If it was, they would definitely be louder. You searched your mind of anything or anyone they could be talking about but there wasn’t enough information to make a conclusion. Still, there was something stirring in your chest. You don’t know how to explain it, but it didn’t feel good.

“Mark hyung,” Renjun called, breaking the silence.

“Oh?”

He cleared his throat. “I’m just going to ask the question that is on everyone’s minds right now.”

Silence. It was deafening.

“Do you still love Y/N?”

You blinked. Twice. Thrice. You suddenly felt like all the air had been knocked out of your lungs. Your knees felt week, and your mind was going nuts. This wasn’t what you expected to hear when you came. Not at all.

You started going through the possibilities. Do they know another Y/N? Did you hear Renjun right? Is this some sort of prank??? Do they know you’re listening?

But the silence in the room proves it’s no prank.

You wanted to run, you wanted to scream. You wanted to burst into the room all at once. But your feet stayed glued to the ground. You found yourself waiting for the answer to a question you never thought you’d have to ask.

Do you? you thought.

Your mind wandered to your recent phone calls, your frequent arguments. It happened so often that there has been a part of you that hesitates to call him, afraid you’d fight again. He rarely ever sends goodnight and good morning texts, or even updates about his day anymore. Things have definitely changed between the two of you, but you always thought it was just because he was exhausted from work.

Your breath hitched in your throat. Today was supposed to be a good day. Today was supposed to be the day that would get you your boyfriend back. The day everything would be back to normal. But apparently... not.

“Do you?” Hyuck asked again.

“I don’t know. I’m just...” Mark’s voice trailed off.

You waited.

“...so tired of it.”

You pulled your earphones from your ear and stuffed your phone in your purse in frustration.

Your eyes have started to well up again. You looked up, trying to blink the tears away but it won’t work. No matter how you try to fool yourself and convince yourself you’ve gotten better, all these small moments that lead you back to him proves otherwise.

Part of you always knew things would be like this eventually, that Mark would get tired. He had way too many things on his plate, and you always felt like you should be the least of his problems.

He was always born to be a star. With his talent and passion for what he does, he was bound to take over the world. You knew that meant a lot of sacrifices for him. Living away from his home country, giving up the chance of a normal teenage life, always being within the eyes of the media and fans. You always knew the time would come when the compromise he had to make was our time for each other.

You just never thought it would come to the point where he would give up everything you had after all you’ve been through. Somehow, through all those months of dating him, you had yourself convinced that he loved you enough to not leave you like this. Turns out you were wrong.

“I never imagined I would say this...” you remember him saying, “but I think we should break up.”

It really felt like your world fell apart that day.

You used to be so cynical about how breakups are portrayed in the movies. It’s always so dramatic. The characters always seem like everything have stopped working after the breakup. You used to think it was overboard. But after going through it yourself, you realized maybe the movies were right.

Nothing felt right after that day. Everything seemed so much dimmer, much quieter, much slower. It was like the world forgot how to function properly...

The bus pulled at your stop, breaking your train of thoughts. You got off and walked to the building, taking two steps at a time, afraid of seeing anyone even remotely familiar. Thankfully, you arrived at the 11th floor without any casualty.

The whole thing went by quickly. Your mind was completely preoccupied while working. No traces of Mark, not even on the huge television screens on the walls.

Contrary to what you originally thought, working in SM was actually a fun experience. Aside from the fact you met the love of your life there, the people working with you were really nice. Today, they offered you a job, convincing you to stay. It sounded tempting, good pay, good benefits, but you didn’t know if you could work in a place that holds too much of the past you’re trying to let go of. Maybe not now. You told them you’d think about it.

Before you knew it, the work part was over. You were already back in the elevator, feeling a bit better than you were when you arrived.

The elevator stopped at the 9th floor, revealing a group of people who looked like executives. Upon seeing them, your sunbae grabbed you and the other intern by the arm and pulled you out of the elevator.

“You may go first, Mr. Lee. We’re not in any hurry.” He smiled to them, who nodded politely as they entered the elevator.

“Thank you,” the man who you assumed was Mr. Lee said.

Once the doors closed, your sunbae let out a sigh of relief.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “Who was that?”

“I’m fine.” He nodded. “That was a major stockholder of the company and a bunch of other important people.”

You nodded to yourself, suddenly realizing why the faces looked familiar. You must have seen them in the TV or something.

“Alright you guys. I’m gonna take the stairs. I’m just going down one level anyway. You can wait for the next one here,” your sunbae said.

Just then, the other elevator door opened but it was going up. The other intern went in, saying she forget something upstairs. Just like that, you were alone in the 9th floor.

A sudden realization dawned on you. You didn’t recognize the floor right away since the interior changed a bit, but this was where the recording booths are. This was also where you last saw Mark. As if in a trance, you decided to around to see what else changed within the few months you haven’t been here.

A chill went up your spine as you walked past the lounge beside the recording booth, your mind going back to how easily you got your heart broken the last time you were there.

It was two days after you heard the dreamies’ conversation. You couldn’t bring yourself to see him after that. You called him earlier and asked to meet up, lying that you’ve only just gotten home from China.

He agreed to meet you at the lounge beside the recording booths, saying he can’t leave the studio because the dreamies need him for advice while recording.

So you went there, feeling uneasy. There was no one else around, which was a good thing because you were sure whatever happens, you would cry.

You and Mark haven’t seen each other for weeks, but when he came, there were no kisses. Not even hugs. There was none of the usual excitement and undeniable craving that you both get whenever you see each other after not being able to for a long time. This time, he just sat quietly beside you. You weren’t even surprised.

He looked different. He had makeup on, but you could still tell the circles under his eyes got bigger. He obviously wasn’t doing well. But then again, neither were you. You spent the last two nights sleepless and crying, anxious, wondering what the hell you should do.

Without a word, Mark held out his hand, palm up. It’s something he does when he wants you to hold his hand.

You hesitated, wondering what happens after this, but it didn’t take you much thought. You intertwined your fingers with his anyway. It felt so natural and familiar, and weirdly out of place in the situation. It hurt.

He squeezed your hand gently.

“You okay?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper. If it was any louder than that, you knew it would break.

He nodded weakly.

“You look tired,” you managed to say.

He looked at you for the first time that day, and it took all of your willpower to keep yourself from breaking down.

“Cause I am,” he replied.

“Can I help?”

He shook his head, looking down. He detached his fingers from yours to fix his cap, running his fingers through his hair. You were half expecting for him to hold your hand again, but you weren’t surprised when he didn’t.

“Y/N,” he said.

“Mark,” you replied.

He bit his lip, an anxious habit. “Aren’t you tired?”

“Not really? I had a nap before coming here so–”

“That’s not what I meant.”

You just stared at him.

“Aren’t you tired,” he said again, slower and softer this time, “of this...? Of... us?”

You looked away. You knew this was coming. You just didn’t think it would be this soon. You took a deep breath and tried your hardest not to cry.

“I am,” you said, your voice close to breaking. “But...”

You weren’t sure what to say. It’s true. You are tired. You’re tired of not being able to see him, of not getting a proper conversation out of the small time you have together, of things not being like they were before. You’re so damn tired of it all. But telling him that is like telling him to stop doing his job, to stop doing what he loves. That’s the last thing he needs.

“But?”

You sighed. “I don’t care.”

He shook his head again. “God, this is so hard,” you heard him mutter under his breath before turning to you. “How can you not care that you’re tired? Doesn’t this frustrate you?”

“I can’t just...” your voice broke. You let a deep breath and swallowed, trying to calm yourself. “What do you want me to say? I’m tired, Mark, and yes, it does frustrate me. A lot. But so what if I am? It doesn’t mean I want to give up on us.”

He buried his head in his hands.

You don’t know what you’re still holding on to. It’s like everything that used to be there is disappearing right before your eyes. You’re stalling, but you already know how this ends.

“Y/N,” he said, his eyes meeting yours. “Let’s face it. I’m already losing time for you, and it will only get worse. We never see each other anymore. I can’t even go out of this damn building to spend an hour with you. All we do is argue on the phone, and even when we see each other, we don’t talk properly. How can you still want to stay even after all this?”

You opened your mouth to answer, but nothing came out. Does love really need to have a reason? you thought.

“Look, we barely understand each other anymore. I can’t... I can’t do this.”

Your heart broke. There was no other way to explain it. That’s exactly how it felt. Like something inside your chest just died. It’s like he had stabbed you with a knife, and just when you thought the pain was at its maximum, he still had to twist the blade in your chest.

“I never imagined I would say this,” he said, “but I think we should break up.”

You just sat there, almost motionless if your lips weren’t quivering. If this was a few months ago, he would already have his arms wrapped around you, muttering that it’s going to be fine, that he has your back no matter what. Now, he’s just... there.

You forced yourself to speak. “Just like that?”

He didn’t reply.

You let out an empty laugh, a tear rolling down your cheek simultaneously. “You couldn’t even wait a day and just spend a little more time with me. That’s how much you want this done.”

“No, I—” he tried to speak, but you were already riding the high of your emotions, you just had to let it out.

“I got back from China two days ago,” you said. “I was supposed to surprise you, maybe ask you out for lunch. But when I got here, I overheard your conversation with the guys. I heard you say you were tired of us, but it wasn’t just that. The way you said it...” you let out a shaky breath, your tears now uncontrollable. “God, it hurt to hear. I knew what you were thinking even then, and there was no changing your mind. So I couldn’t bring myself to see you after that because I was so afraid of what you’d say. I had a feeling if we saw each other that day, it would just make things worse. So I spent the last two days thinking what to do, you know how stupid I am.”

“Y/N,” he said softly, but you weren’t done.

“I still hoped I could maybe change your mind. I hoped my gut was wrong, that there was still a chance this could work. But I guess my luck had already ran out. I knew from the moment you walked in and just sat there, not even giving me so much as a hug, that you won’t even try to make things work anymore. So I guess... this is really it.”

“I didn’t... you weren’t supposed to.. I...” He searched for words, but you couldn’t bear to stay and wait for him to change his mind when he clearly won’t.

So you stood up and took something out of your purse. It was an elephant keyring that you got from China, something you bought especially for him. You two have a thing of giving each other tiny souvenirs from the places you went without each other.

Mark stood up too. His eyes were welled with tears, making the situation harder than it already is.

“It’s a lucky charm, supposedly,” you said, handing him the keyring.

He wrapped his fingers around it. A single drop of tear streamed on his cheek. And then another.

“Stop crying. God, at least make it easier for me to leave. This is unfair,” you joked, wiping his tears.

Mark managed to let out a laugh. For some reason, it just broke your hear even more.

You forced a smile. This is the guy you’ve been in love with, longer and harder than you’ve ever been with anyone. You hate the you probably won’t hear his explosive laugh again or watch him get overexcited over the simplest things or hear him randomly sing Frank Ocean under his breath. You hate that you have to let it all go so soon when you never thought you’d ever have to.

“I love you, Mark Lee,” you said, taking a step back. You know he secretly loves it when you say his full name. “And I sincerely hope you’ll find peace again and be happy after this.”

Before you could break down again, you began walking away.

But you haven’t even taken three steps when you were pulled by the arm. You spun around slightly, ending up wrapped in his arms again, his hug tighter than any you’ve felt. He buried his head on your shoulders while you wrapped your arms around his waist like you’ve done so many times before.

He didn’t say a single word when you pulled away. Neither did you. There was nothing left to say.

You turned around and just like that, you were gone.

The ding of the elevator opening pulled you back to the present. But you were too far from the doors already. You wouldn’t make it in time.

Your cheeks were wet. You didn’t realize you’ve been crying.

You figured it’s pointless to tell yourself you’ve moved on when you know full well it would take so much more than just two months to get over something as special as your relationship with Mark. Still, you couldn’t help but beat yourself up over the fact that you’re staring at an empty lounge in an empty hallway, crying like a baby.

You quickly dabbed your eyes and cheeks to dry the tears before looking around to see if there was anyone who witnessed your slightly embarrassing moment, but the are was still empty.

You went back to the elevator before you could see another thing that would trigger your thoughts once more.

You thought you were already safe. Excluding the flashbacks, the day has gone smoothly so far. But with the luck you are born with, when something is bound to go wrong, it definitely will. It’s almost funny that it didn’t even take five minutes before something did.

“Y/N?!” a familiar voice called from behind you.

You turned around, facing a tanned, brunette boy whose eye glinted with surprise, and with an aura radiating mischief and cleverness.

“Hyuck?”

#so apparently i accidentally deleted this so here hshdhdhdjdhhd #nct au #series au #mark lee #nct mark #nct mark au #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct sad hours #nct angst #nct hyuck #nct donghyuck #nct haechan #nct dream au #nct 127 au #mark x reader #hyuck x reader #mark lee au #haechan au